Living the Adventure, Telling the Stories
I know I’ve posted a lot of music lately.
It’s not that I don’t want to share anything deep…but sometimes music speaks louder than any words of mine ever could.
I’ve been thinking through the words to this song and how true it is.
I can’t help but worship Him.
Wishing you a blessed Easter as we celebrate the glorious resurrection of our Savior!
There are so many times in life when I get wrapped up in
my pain.
An unexpected migraine hits. Knee issues flare up making running difficult. I slam my finger in the porch door on the way inside. (True.)
All of those things consume me when they hurt.
Relationships struggle, crack, or break. Pressure to fix things outside my capability causes stress. Life, in general, fractures.
More pain.
I let it consume me often…wrapping myself up in heartache. I suppose that’s because I’m human and we all do that from time to time. But rarely, when I’m in that place, do I stop to consider
his pain.
Oh, what he must have felt as the weight of the world fell on him…and he wrapped himself in the pain of billions and billions. How much it must have hurt to know that so much of what he went through would never be acknowledged by so many people.
It makes me hurt to think about it.
I still don’t understand why he did it. I know he loved and that’s why, but sometimes I shake my head as I feel unworthy and so, so LOVED all at the same time.
For someone to endure all of that for me…
May I never, ever forget his pain.
Because that pain is what healed mine.
So I posted a song yesterday.
Before I read my devotions for today.
You’ll never guess what it was about. 
So, I’m gonna talk about that for awhile…I know you don’t mind.
A huge part of my personality is the fact that I am very social. I need to be around people often, otherwise I go stir-crazy. (And often get pretty crabby.) It’s just the way I’m wired…I get my energy from being around friends and my hubby and (of course!) my wonderfully social and amazingly talkative daughter.
One thing I’ve noticed is that because I get so much energy (and JOY) from people around me, it’s very easy to find my worth in them. What they think of me is important, often more than it should be…
And as a result, sometimes I look to them to feel complete.
That can be a tall order for a human to fill.
I often think of the day I married Tobin…August 3, 2002. I still remember so many details of it, from the donut I had for breakfast to my awesome hair. (Is it bad that my hair was probably my favorite part of the day?!) And from being sneaky and putting my garter on AFTER the ceremony so I wouldn’t have to wear it to completely losing it when we were dismissing guests and I said goodbye to my adopted parents from college. (I had to sneak into the bathroom to redo my makeup! ;))
Good or bad, those memories make up the day when I was sure that I had everything I would ever need now that I had married Tobin.
Without realizing it, I’d called up a pretty tall order for him.
How does a human possibly have it in them to complete another?
They don’t.
Over the years, Tobin and I have had a lot of mountains and valleys. When you throw four houses, three cities, two countries, and one baby into almost ten years of marriage…it’s to be expected.
I’d often find myself feeling empty whenever we were struggling. This person…the one I had expected to be everything that I didn’t have in me…wasn’t following through.
Wasn’t being what I needed to feel complete.
And yet, I know that I can’t look to people to be what completes me. We all know that.
But knowing it and believing it are two different things.
This is some of what I read this morning…
“…In Me you have everything.”
“…Since I am infinite and abundantly accessible to you, desiring Me above all else is the best way to live.”
“…It is impossible for you to have a need that I cannot meet.”
Firm…but gentle…reminders of
All that He is.
And all that I’m not.
And all that my friends and family cannot be.
Because He wants to be IT…what completes me.
Just where my heart is today.
Thanks for reading.
Just a song I’ve been reflecting on today. One of my favorite bands, one of my favorite songs.
Enjoy.
Just a few thoughts…that are really not connected at all, just not worthy of a whole blog post on their own. 😉
I spent more time today in my pajamas than in jeans. That almost never happens…and it was nice. But wanna know a secret? Sometimes I wish I was that woman who can go to Super Target on a Saturday morning and walk the aisles in her sweats, while sipping a Starbucks and looking disgustingly cute. I, um, think that’s maybe not me. But I’m secretly jealous of people who can pull off that look in public.
Last night we had friends over for dinner, and they stayed to look at pics from our trip. They are really nice friends. 😉 (Gosh, that reminds me I need to post Morocco soon…tomorrow.) We grilled out for, like, the 6th time this month, and my husband seriously outdid himself. I don’t know why the burgers and chicken were so good, but they were. SO. GOOD.
Anyway, I woke up this morning wanting a burger with pineapple and provolone…and BEFORE you scoff, you need to try it. It’s my favorite. I promised myself that if I did three miles of sprints, I could come home and eat one for breakfast.
I seriously hate sprints and only do them on Saturdays.
AND I thought about that burger the whole time.
And when I got home, I ate it before I even took a shower. HA.
😉
So my daughter seems to be changing her sleeping habits, which is not so wonderful. Yesterday she napped for a whopping 30 minutes and then stayed up until 10:30 pm…yes, you read that right. She slept this morning til 8 am, took a 2-3 hour nap, and now, at almost 10 pm, is showing zero signs of being tired.
Ugh…I’m afraid we may need to start phasing out the nap in order to get her to sleep at night.
I’m not sure I’m ready for this at all.
So I signed up for this.
The whole idea is that the group of women who write this blog (which has a HUGE following) are hosting a worldwide conference with “meetup” spots all over the place. Then each of the groups can watch the conference, which will be broadcast online. When I signed up, I figured…this is the Chicago area; there will be at least one meeting close to me.
Um, nope. The closest one is over an hour away. Bummer.
So I’m debating what to do. I can watch it at my house, but the whole idea of it is community. So do I make the drive to meet up with a few people and make some new friends or do I just chill in my pj’s and invite a friend or two to join me for the morning?
Still thinking on it.
And speaking of still thinking…I’m thinkin’ it’s time for bed.
This could be history, folks…I think I’ll be asleep before my daughter tonight. Oy…
Hope you’re all having a fantastic weekend!
Maybe tomorrow I’ll switch things up and have hot chocolate or something, but I’m just feelin’ the coffee thing this week. It could be that I’m just tired and desperately trying to keep my eyes open…last night was interesting.
I actually fell asleep pretty early (for me) last night…around 10:30. I slept great until around 4:30 when Mae woke up crying. I checked on her and realized the poor girl, who’d been having tummy issues the day before, had blown through another diaper…all over her pj’s, all over her sheets. (Thankfully NOT all over her blanket and stuffed animals.)
She was so sad and miserable that I just wanted to pick her up and snuggle her, but I had to clean her up first, which took enough time. Once she was in a dry diaper and clean pj’s, we had time to cuddle…oh, it was wonderful, even if it was at 4:30 a.m. 😉
I am completely convinced that Mae is now making up for all the snuggling she didn’t do as an infant. She’s a cuddly sweetheart, and I gladly oblige.
Thankfully, after a song or two and some snuggly moments, she went down again with just a few tears. I threw in a load of laundry and crashed again for a couple of hours.
And while my daughter slept til almost nine and woke up rarin’ to go, I didn’t.
It was kind of a blah, drink-a-pot-of-coffee, kind of morning. Thankfully we had plans to meet a friend at the park for an hour or so. Even though the weather was only upper 40’s, the sun was shining, it was a gorgeous day, and Mae and I both had a great time…though she needs to understand that one needs to SIT properly before trying to go down a slide. 😉
When we left the park, I swung by Target to get some Pedialyte to help her tummy. (She thinks it’s juice…I’ll just let her think that for awhile. ;)) Then we headed home for our usual. Lunch, play, stories, snack, nap.
I know I say it all the time, but I feel completely blessed to be able to stay home with my daughter. I love soaking up the simple moments that make our days.
Next week I’m going to start taking guitar lessons from a friend. I’m excited. Yes, it’s one of my 12 in 2012, but I’m excited to potentially progress beyond the self-taught, I-can’t-play-bar-chords, level at which I currently am. I’d really love to play for praise team sometime…I guess we’ll see. At any rate, I’m looking forward to it.
So y’all read my post yesterday about the Reese’s eggs? Yeah. I forgot to mention I sorta love jellybeans, too. I am really, really thankful that I waited til less than two weeks before Easter to cave. Less time to consume so much sugar.
So…just a blogging pet peeve of mine. Also, one that proves that though I am very fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants and easygoing, I do have perfectionistic tendencies. WordPress is slowly killin’ me, I think…their formatting for archives is atrocious. Pretty much anything that is even a few weeks old is completely messed up. (Please don’t go look.)
So my goal for April is to update what needs to be updated (which I’m not great about), find a new layout for the blog (which I’m excited about), and try not to care as much (which I’m not sure I can do).
Ugh. Everytime I look at older things I’ve written I just cringe.
And, yet, it reminds me that sometimes things in life are just what they are. We have to accept them and keep going with life and not let ourselves worry and fret over what we can’t change.
God has been teaching me so much lately about trusting Him with things…doing what I can and leaving the rest to Him. It’s cliche, but it’s true.
He does have it figured out.
I know I keep quoting Jesus Calling, but the devotion for today was so exactly where I am.
Maybe it’ll bless you, too.
“A life lived close to Me is not complicated or cluttered. When your focus is on My Presence, many things that once troubled you lose their power over you. Though the world around you is messy and confusing, remember that I have overcome the world.”
I love the reminders He gives, just when we need them.
G’nite!
Mae’s new favorite word. “Ok.” She has suddenly turned into a much more agreeable child.
Reading in the late afternoon sunshine.
Coffee, scones, and an hour with a dear friend.
Thirty minutes spent strolling the aisles of Target. Alone.
Gorgeous weather and grilling brats. Is it really March?!?!
The reminder of new life that spring brings.
Singing lullabies to my daughter while she snuggles close. I want to freeze time.
Perfect early-morning running weather.
A pretty important goal (to me) reached.
Hope…and my Father, in Whom I find it.
So we’re coffee datin’ it tonight, even though it’s kinda late.
And I’m drinkin’ this.
Some would argue that it’s quality coffee. Or that it’s even actual coffee.
However, I brought a box home with me from Spain.
I like it.
And it reminds me of Indonesia ’cause I drank something similar there all the time. Except that was this. You can’t get it anywhere in this hemisphere, I’m pretty sure. And I miss it.
Since today was not exactly my favorite day ever, for reasons that don’t need to be discussed, it’s good that I’m drinking coffee that came out of a little packet. It kinda cheers me up.
A little.
It has that same, slightly-burnt-coffee taste that is strangely comforting and reminds me of my sweet 4th grade class who would always ask me what flavor I was drinking that day. And it’s only a little ick, mostly good.
Tonight, I’ll take it.
So I’ll just say up front that five hours of sleep when emotions are running high is not a wonderful combination. I really had to search for the JOY in my day today.
What I love is that He always gives it, somehow.
And, thankfully I’ve been blessed with this girl who doesn’t understand what it is to actually have a bad day, though she’s definitely had a few. She just doesn’t get it yet. She, most of the time, runs around with a huge smile on her face, spreading sunshine everywhere she goes.
It’s really, really hard to be in a bad mood around that.
After church and lunch today, my girl and I took a walk down the street and then ended up at the house across the street, the one I swear she thinks is her second home. 😉 I got a chance to talk to my dear friend for a bit while Mae climbed up and down and up and down and up and down the front steps.
Then it was home for her so she could take the dreaded NAP. She protests it loudly each and every day. It doesn’t change anything.
While she napped, I decided to finally get going on a painting for her room that I’ve had in my head for over a year. I didn’t think I’d actually finish it today, but I did.
I’m happy with how it turned out, even if there were a few little mistakes…that I mostly fixed. 😉 Keep in mind that…1) I’m not technically an artist though I do occasionally paint; 2) lettering is not my gift; and 3) I still don’t love the colors…I wish I had added orange.
Next time.
Mae clearly liked it, though…in fact, she wanted to play with it until we finally hung it up on her wall…where she couldn’t reach it! 😉
It was a good ending to a not-so-good day…and things are looking up, I think.
The coffee from a packet is definitely helping.
Happy end-of-the-weekend, my friends.
Love you.
Hi, my name is Mel, and I’m a coffee addict.
I know that’s shocking news to all of you.
So it’s 9 p.m…and a pot of coffee kind of night. Or at least a cup.
It wasn’t a bad one at all…it was actually a really good day.
But I don’t feel like I’ve sat down much…so bring on a cup ‘o joe, my pj pants, and some quality time for me and the blog!
I like to chat about life…what’s up, what’s down, what I’m learning, how He’s working. So let’s talk about that, k? And hopefully, I’ll get through the conversation on just one cup of coffee because, really, I shouldn’t be drinking more than that this late.
Even coffee addicts need sleep. 😉
What’s up? Lots of stuff.
My days are full of Mae…she is such the sunshine. It’s melts my heart and makes me smile really big to see the way she blesses the lives of people around her. She is JOY and random hellos and handshakes and hugs and complete love all rolled up into a pretty stinkin’ cute, albeit slightly-messy-haired, little girl.
And I am incredibly blessed to spend my days with her.
The temperature lately has been UP…therefore my desire for a tan has been elevated, too. Truthfully, I’m not the sun worshipper I used to be, but, hey, if there can actually be a tan in March, why not?! I got some good color in Spain and have been able to keep it thanks to Chicago’s glorious, eight consecutive, days of 80’s and sunny.
Love.
The weather has been completely awesome for running, too…I can’t remember ever going for an early morning run in March in a tank top and shorts. Ever. That is motivation enough to get me out of bed at 6:15. Truthfully, I like running in the morning just for the simple fact that I’m done for the day. I don’t particularly like “looking forward” to running because I don’t really “look forward” to running. But I like the way I feel after, so I guess that’s a good tradeoff.
What’s down?
Certainly not gas prices. Ugh. But I don’t want to analyze those too much.
The amount of time that Maelie naps during the day is definitely down. I’ve seen this coming…she’s slowly cutting back on her afternoon napping…secretly, I think she just wants to play outside more. I have to accept the fact that she’s almost two…it’s the inevitable. Rats…I was hoping she’d take four hour naps til she was six…like her mommy did. True.
But what ISN’T down is her energy level. She just goes and goes and goes. And I think people fall in love with her because she’s so outgoing and loving and just…crazy, big-hearted, Mae. I love her oodles for it, even when I wish she’d sit down for two minutes. 😉
What I’m learning?
Tons…where to even begin.
I’m looking forward to learning more about the wonderfully crazy journey of parenting at Mom’s Bible study. We’re starting a new book, and I really am looking forward to it. I love being a mommy, but I also know that there’s a lot of godly wisdom out there that will help me become much better at it.
I guess this one ties into the next one…
What’s He doing?
I mentioned a few days ago that I bought the book Jesus Calling for my Kindle.
Came across this a couple days ago. I found it challenging, convicting, and, truthfully, I am still chewing on it. I want to process it more with you all, but now is not the time.
But I’ll leave you with it because it’s that good.
“Holiness is letting Me live through you. Since I dwell in you, you are fully equipped to be holy. Pause before responding to people or situations, giving My Spirit space to act through you. Hasty words and actions leave no room for Me; this is atheistic living. I want to inhabit all your moments–gracing your thoughts, words, and behavior.”
Wow.
G’nite, friends.
I had kind of an aha! moment the other day.
Well, at least it was aha! for me…and maybe you can relate. Or maybe not. Either way, I’ll share.
So, a little background…
When I signed up for facebook several years ago, I was pretty tight with my security settings. And over the years, my hubby has made sure that I keep them updated.
That’s because I don’t want people knowing everything about me.
In fact, if you go and try to find me on Facebook, chances are you won’t just by typing in my name. (Unless we’re already friends.)
That’s because I don’t want to be found.
I thought about that the other day as I searched for a friend on facebook and couldn’t find her.
I often put up walls. I have for years. In my mind, I think that if there are walls and people can’t get in, then I’m safe. This has worked well in the Facebook world, for the most part. In real life, I have really tried to let them down and have succeeded, for the most part. I want those relationships…those friendships.
But what about in my relationship with my Father?
Over the past few days, I’ve stopped to consider those walls that I’ve unintentionally (or, sometimes intentionally) built to keep Him out, to keep His Word from penetrating my heart.
I attended a Baptist Bible college for five years.
A small glimpse of what that entailed: more Bible classes than non-Bible classes, intense study of the ten main doctrines, hundreds of memorized verses, chapel every day, many papers, hours upon hours of Bible reading, sometimes weekly.
To be blunt, all-things-Bible were crammed down my throat.
And that led up to me building some serious walls around my heart.
The Bible became my textbook…and therefore, was anything but what I wanted when I actually had some down time.
That makes me really sad.
And I noticed a pattern, as I left the Bible college world and went out on my own.
It became easy to gloss over verses, never really taking them to heart. It was even easier to scan a chapter to “say” I’d read my Bible for the day. It was easier than ever to have an emotional moment with a few verses and then move on, forgetting what made me think, going on with my day.
That’s been my problem for the last ten-or-so years…
I’ve put up walls, never letting my Father in.
And in some ways, by putting up those walls, I ran from Him, never wanting Him to find me. To assure me of His love and compassion and grace and sovereignty and power…and, really, the list could go on.
I feel weak admitting these things…knowing in my heart that it’s been a much bigger battle than I’ve ever let on.
But I also know something…that He is bigger than those walls. And despite the fact that I ran, He always held me…keeping me in His care even when I didn’t always want to be there.
I confessed this to you…but I also want to be honest and say that in our searching over the past, almost-two years…God has changed me. I can’t explain it all in a day…I can just tell you that He’s more real than He’s ever been. He’s teaching me about Love and truly living for Him.
And in His power, I’m trying to do those things.
I don’t have it all figured out…but today I know I’m found by Him.
The truth is, He never really lost me.
And that’s pretty amazing.
Follower of my Father. Wife to Tobin. Mama to my Mae and Mac. Friend. Writer. Dreamer. Lover of adventures. Throw in some coffee, chocolate, running, music, and that's me. I fill this space with the real of my heart and life as I dance through my days with one hand holding my daughter's (or my son's, if I can keep up with him!) and the other holding my coffee mug. Welcome! I hope you'll stay awhile.
