2014 January

Coffee For Your Heart: You’re Not Alone

January 29, 2014 by Mel · 41 Comments

Yesterday morning was not my favorite.

Days that involve trips to the Women’s Health Center at a nearby hospital for follow up on what seems to be a never-ending issue don’t generally rank up there at the top.

To say I was in a bad mood might just be scratching the surface.

And even Monday was just not good.

It didn’t help that I was cold because…well, because I live in the U.S. (Is everyone here freezing their tails off? Pretty sure.) I was moody because I got to think all day about going to the doctor first thing Tuesday morning. I was snippy with my hubby and in a horrible mood when I went to work out with friends that night. (Really, I probably should have just stayed home and gone to bed.)

Honestly…I just felt so alone. It’s not like you can shoot into facebook-land a status like, Getting a mammo tomorrow…please pray?

Well, maybe some people would. No judgment on my end, but for me, it just seems too personal. (And, yet, here I write it on my blog.) 😉

But I did mention it to a few people, and they prayed for me. I felt a little better by the time I went to bed Monday night.

But then Tuesday morning came, and I felt defeated.

I put off getting up until the last possible second. My stomach was in knots and my mind was wandering to places it shouldn’t go. But I made myself put one foot in front of the other, and I even put on makeup.

And as I was applying the eyeliner, I heard my Voxer beep at me. It was a sweet, dreaming sister sending a message to let me know she was praying.

I sent a quick reply back, and my phone beeped again.

A text. Praying for you this morning. This time from a sweet friend.

I’m not alone. I’m not…the promise that came to my mind.

Somehow I made it to the appointment with time to spare. (Thankful for back roads.)

My technician was about the sweetest woman I’ve ever met in my life…so compassionate and caring. He knew I needed her.

And while the process wasn’t pleasant, it was the quickest mammogram I’ve had yet. In less than an hour, I was on my way home…No changes. See you in a year. (Which has now been switched to six months, but that’s for another day.)

(Still) Praise. Jesus.

I stopped at Starbucks for a drip brew with white chocolate to celebrate.

I got to send a few texts to friends…Things look ok…so thankful.

And looking back now brings tears to my eyes. What I had to do yesterday was almost my least favorite thing ever…and, yet, my Father met me in the most tangible way. With sweet, little reminders that I’m not on my own here…because I know that, but it’s always nice to be reminded.

He’s given me a community of women…friends, sisters…to walk this journey with.

Some days are full of sunshine and we laugh, joke, and share smiley faces.

Other days…well, they’re hard. There’s more rain than there is sunshine and we pass the (sometimes virtual) tissue box around the table and squeeze each others’ hands as we whisper prayers.

But we’re still not alone, and we cling to that.

I don’t know where you are today, friend, but know this. You’re not alone.

He’s got you, and so does this community. Don’t be afraid to grab a hand and join in…because we’re here.

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I love my sweet friend, Holley‘s, new link-up! Her Coffee For Your Heart: 2014 Encouragement Challenge is just what it sounds like. Think of Wednesdays as that day where I just share some encouragement…and you can pretend that we’re sitting at a table over coffee, just sharing life. Sounds like a great way to spend Wednesdays in this space. I hope you’ll hop over and join us!

Filed Under: community, encouragement, friends, just life, where I am

Behind the Scenes: On Messes, Hot Cocoa, and a New Bed

January 28, 2014 by Mel · 26 Comments

I admit it: I’m not always that mom. You know, that mom.

The one who will let her daughter create messes with abandon and then dance around the room, cleaning them up after her.

Oh, we have fun…just not the pudding-on-the-walls, glue-all-over-the-table kind.

I try to be messy-fun, I do…sometimes. I even offered to let her finger paint last week and she turned me down.

No joke. 😉

But lately…well, I’ve tried to be better about the mess factor.

She’ll help me make her peanut butter and jelly (or Nutella or fluff) sandwiches or bake cookies.

She’ll spread her play-doh mess all over the dining room table, and I just smile. (And play along because play-doh really IS fun.) 😉

We set up a whole camping scene in the living room last week with lots of blankets and had a total blast.

And, lately…she loves hot cocoa. LOVES it.

And I sometimes-cringe because the chocolate doesn’t just streak her face…it streaks her clothes, the table, and everything within ten feet. This picture shows a little of the mess, though I didn’t get a really good shot. Trust me…she’s chocolatey. 😉

But the funny thing is that, this past Saturday when she was having her daily dose of cocoa-goodness, I didn’t even think about the mess this time.

Instead, I thought about the fact that she sat at the table, drinking out of a REAL MUG, looking like such a big girl.

She’s growing up.

And then, to crack this mama’s heart just a bit more…at that very moment, Tobin was upstairs putting this together.

Yes, my friends, you are actually seeing this.

Cutie patootie toddler, adorable purple butterfly bedding, and big girl bed. BIG. GIRL. BED.

I am not sure I even know what to do with this, and we’re on night #3. (With couch cushions propped on the floor in case she falls out.)

I so badly…SO badly…wish for a pause button. In fact, I kind of just want to stomp my feet in protest, wrap her in my arms, and never let her go.

Because, you know, THAT will stop the passage of time. 😉

And then I take a deep breath and remember (for the millionth time) that time doesn’t stop, and the best thing to do is just enjoy the ride and live the dreams of today.

Embrace every moment, every mess, every bed jump, every hot cocoa stain…because every single one of them are gifts.

Good, messy, wonderful gifts.

And maybe that’s just a good motto for life…take what comes and embrace it fully, no matter what it looks like and no matter what we wish it could be.

Take every season as beautiful…even the ones that include big girl beds and mama tears that spill over just a tad. Remembering to give thanks to the Giver, too…because the gifts He gives sometimes come wrapped in a bit of heartache mixed with joy, but they’re still good gifts.

Let’s dance through it all, sweet girl…and let’s make a few more messes.

Because there’s no one I’d rather dance with…or mess up the house with…than you.

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Linking up with two of my favorites today!

On Tuesdays, I hang out with some of my favorite friends at Crystal’s place, where she hosts Behind the Scenes.

Behind the Scenes” is a fun link up where we show those photos – but tell the real story behind them. The sneak peek behind the scenes, a look past the edges of the photo to the real life behind it.

And I’m also linking up at God-Sized Dreams, with my favorite dreaming sisters!

I hope you’ll join us for the sweet, sentimental, and silly stories that make up our days.

Filed Under: Behind the Scenes, being mommy, blessings, family, God-Sized Dreams, just life, Maelie, what I'm learning, where I am

Five-Minute Friday: Visit

January 23, 2014 by Mel · 24 Comments

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo for Five-Minute Friday. So, grab a timer, set it for five minutes, and join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write. Then leave some comment love for the person who linked up before you…and anyone else because that’s the fun and the heart of the community!

Today’s prompt: Visit

I can’t believe it’s already been almost four years.

Four years since I clung to him at the airport, seven-month-preggo belly creating distance between our embrace, tears staining my cheeks as I released his hand and stumbled toward immigration alone.

Four years since I said goodbye.

Oh, not to him. He followed me six weeks later, after he’d completed his commitment to the school and just in time for the birth of our sweet Mae.

No, it’s been almost four years since I said goodbye to my other home…the one on the opposite side of the world.

Time flies. Like a jumbo jet across the Pacific…and I have been waiting for the day when we can board one again for a visit.

There have been many, many days when life here…the life we know and love now…has completely enveloped me. He has poured His blessings on, and we have gratefully accepted them. This is a good place, one I’m So. Very. Blessed. to call my home.

But there have also been the days when my heart longs to Visit. To go back and hug the people I love who live so far away, those I said goodbye to as tears brimmed and hearts ached.

And a couple weeks ago, we bought tickets!!!!!!

Can I throw in a late-night, happy dance? I just think one belongs here. 😉

It still feels surreal that, in a short 57 days, (yikes!) the three of us will board a plane. And after a stop in Qatar (who knew? I had to look it up on a map…), our plane will land in Jakarta, and my feet will, once again, step down on Indonesian soil, the dirt happily making its way between my flip-flop clad toes. (In March…be jealous. Very jealous.) 😉

There will be a beach trip, hopefully a little surfing, some BFF time, an exploration of all-things outlet shopping…but mostly?

There will be time to love people…those people I have missed so much that my heart aches over the distance that spans these two countries.

I can’t wait to visit.

Filed Under: adventures, blessings, friends, Indonesia, Maelie, remembering, Tobin, travel, where I am

For When Your Dreams Are All Over The Map

January 22, 2014 by Mel · 2 Comments

She splashed around the pool, princess kickboard in hand, two plastic mermaid dolls perched on top.

I watched, smiling, as her three-year-old imagination took off, and soon she and her friends were sailing away for the adventure of a lifetime. Yes, my toddler hasn’t yet figured out that mermaids can’t survive on a boat.

Ssshhh…don’t tell her.

A few minutes into the dialogue — the part that goes beyond her usual, tell-me-about-your-day — she delves into the dreams.

Let’s all sail around the world together! It will be an adventure!

And I continued to watch with what was probably the goofiest smile ever plastered on my face.

Her three-year-old dreams…they were So. Big.

Yet, in her mind, the So. Big. translated to the Completely. Possible.

Oh, the lessons I can take away from an afternoon spent in the pool with my sweet daughter. She was convinced at the time that she could sail the world with those two mermaids if she wanted, and nothing would stand in their way.

____________________

A dreamer too, I was so like my daughter as a child.

I’ve had dreams brewing in my heart for as long as I can remember … ones that reached oceans beyond my small town. And, in my young mind, there was no reason they wouldn’t happen…

Today I’m over at God-sized Dreams, sharing a piece of my dreaming journey. Join me, won’t you?

photo credit: Nicolas Raymond

Filed Under: adventures, being mommy, encouragement, God-Sized Dreams, just life, Maelie, remembering, Tobin, what I'm learning, where I am, writing

Behind the Scenes: Insignificant

January 21, 2014 by Mel · 14 Comments

I’ve shared this photo in this space a few times.

I think it’s cool, and it’s one of my hubby’s favorites, too…in fact, the first time I posted it (the first of about six times…) he commented that he was glad more people were going to see it. 😉

I like it for lots of reasons. Let’s see…I’m sitting by the ocean watching the waves.

I’m in flip flops.

Oh, and I have a TAN. (Sorry, it’s January in the Midwest…aren’t we ALL dreaming of the tropics by now???)

Anyway, there’s actually a story behind this photo, too…one that I love to think about, especially when I realize that it’s been FIVE YEARS since this photo was taken. Wowza, time flies.

We were living in Indonesia at the time and had escaped the hustle and bustle of the city for a desperately-needed Thanksgiving break at the beach.

Now some of you might think, Oh, Indonesia. Lots of islands. Lots of beaches.

Yes, that’s true…but it doesn’t mean those beaches are easy to get to, especially when you also live in the middle of mountains. 😉 This particular beach was about a five hour drive…with a little stop to fix a flat tire on the way, too. It was also about 80-100 miles from our home in Bandung…how’s that for travel perspective? 😉

Our time at the beach was full of the kinds of things I like to do on vacation…sunshine, swimming, resting in a hammock, reading, playing games, eating seafood, more sunshine.

It was a good few days to just be.

And I remember, as Sunday afternoon rolled around and we faced leaving and going back to life…a life we loved, but also a life that was exhausting…that I needed a few moments to think.

And so I wandered out to the beach by myself, sat down on the (really, really toasty) sand, and watched the waves crash.

I didn’t know hubby was behind me with the camera, and he snapped a few shots of me as I just sat there and thought.

And what I love about this picture is that I look insignificant.

Tiny.

So very small, compared to the vastness of my Father’s creation.

And that’s exactly how I felt that day, too.

He was doing something so big all around me and in my heart. You wouldn’t know it by looking at that picture, but in that season of life, Tobin and I had finally decided to move forward with adopting. It was scary…a dream we were almost afraid to dream.

And as the mongo waves crashed and I sat there, mesmerized by the stunning view of the rainy weather that would eventually roll in…I was reminded of the beauty that comes with soaking in all that surrounded me.

Just being in his presence was the gift at that moment…and it was almost as if He was giving me a hug, reminding me of His greatness...and reminding me that He can do anything.

Just a few minutes later, we packed up the Kijang and headed out for the long and winding drive home.

Occasionally I’ll look at this picture again…or, ahem…post it on the blog. 😉

I’ll reflect on that season with a sweet sadness as I miss what was and what happened and, also, what didn’t.

And, sometimes…well, sometimes I feel small. Insignificant. But then I remember how BIG He is. (<===Click to Tweet!)

And that I can trust Him with my dreams.

And I whisper thanks.

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Linking up with two of my favorites today!

On Tuesdays, I hang out with some of my favorite friends at Crystal’s place, where she hosts Behind the Scenes.

And I’m also linking up at God-Sized Dreams, with my favorite dreaming sisters!

I hope you’ll join us for the sweet, sentimental, and silly stories that make up our days.

Filed Under: adoption, adventures, Behind the Scenes, blessings, encouragement, friends, God-Sized Dreams, Indonesia, just life, remembering, where I am

Coffee For Your Heart: SO. Loved.

January 15, 2014 by Mel · 32 Comments

I’m the momma to a sweet little girl. (I think most of you know that by now.) 😉

I spend my days laughing with and loving this wonderful, energetic, burst of sunshine…one that my Father knew our family needed.

And most of the days we spend together are truly wonderful…there are games and playing puzzles and laughing and usually singing. Listening to the Frozen soundtrack over and over. Dress-up and dancing. Furniture leaping when I turn my back.

😉

And, yes, she’s wearing a Halloween shirt.
After Christmas.
Because, you know, she’s THREE. 😉

But then there ARE those days, too.

The kind when age three takes over and the stubbornness (from both sides!) comes in, and we struggle.

Yesterday afternoon was one of those times.

I had things I had to get done in-between the fun of our day…and one of those things was our Tuesday, God-Sized Dream, prayer meeting over Google Hangout.

The routine is usually the same…Mae gets to pick out a longer show or movie, something that will keep her occupied while I’m doing that. And most of the time…most…it’s a good plan, and it works.

But yesterday, there must have been something in her apple juice. Seriously.

In the background of the phone call, she was howling.

I’m not talking the laughter kind of howling…I’m talking the wolf kind.

Ow…OOOOOOOHHHHHH! (That sound is really hard to put into actual letters.) 😉

I tried to gently hush her, and for the most part, she listened and went back to watching My Little Ponies.

And then…and not kidding here…just as I’ve uttered about TWO words of a prayer, she comes up to me. Yanks on my arm.

I gave her hand a little squeeze and tried to keep going.

But she keeps pulling, and I pause to look over.

She’s rubbing her belly…this annoying thing she’s started to do when she wants a snack. Which is like All. Day. Long. I’m convinced that toddlers want snacks all the live long day.

I shake my head no, but she’ll have none of it.

And as I try to go back to prayer, she hits my arm.

At this point, I have to excuse myself from the prayer and step AWAY from the camera.

After scolding her for hitting me, I take her into the kitchen to try to find something to get her through the last minutes of prayer time. Thinking she wants an apple or grapes, I go for the fruit.

No, mommy. I’m hungry!!! Can I have a Hershey’s kiss?

Really, child? You pulled me away from prayer time FOR. A. HERSHEY’S. KISS.

Those words may-or-may-not-have escaped my lips.

But at that point, I was more concerned with getting back to prayer time and keeping her happy (not necessarily my finest parenting here…) and so I obliged.

Miraculously, it worked for awhile.

Later when we’d finished prayer, and I’d hung up, she came over to me.

Mommy, I love you. I just want to be close to you. And she wrapped her arms around me.

And as we grabbed hands and went back to playing together, I thought of how blessed I am to be loved by such a wonderful little girl.

Yes, there are belly-rubbing, Hershey’s-kiss-begging, just-plain-bad, parenting moments…but there’s still love. Forgiveness.

And the deep desire to just be close.

Yesterday my sweet girl reminded me how much she loves me, even on the days I mess up big time.

And that was such a sweet reminder to me of how much my Father loves me, too, in spite of me being me, in spite of the times I mess up, even on those days when I don’t show the love I should to Him.

Friend, you are loved.

SO. Loved.

Remember that today.

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Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, coffee, encouragement, just life, Maelie, uncategorized, what I'm learning, where I am

Behind the Scenes: Ballet Dreams

January 14, 2014 by Mel · 20 Comments

Yesterday I took her to ballet for her first-ever class.

Gotta admit that, even before we stepped out of the house, she’d already melted my heart with her sweet dancing around the living room as she tried out her new, black, sparkly leotard and borrowed shoes. (Amazon decided not to deliver hers on time…so thankful for friends who have danced this road before us.)

Mommy, I’ve always wanted to be a ballerina! Thank you!

Of course, she is THREE.

We’re not signing her life away just yet…but for the last year, we’ve known that ballet was something she wanted to try, and so we patiently waited until she was old enough.

We arrived at the class a little early, and her slight-timidity kicked in just a bit. She hovered back for a second and grabbed onto my leg, so I walked her over to a little bench where she shed her yoga pants and socks and put on those sweet, little pink shoes.

That was all the magic she needed.

It was time, and she was ready to go.

Time to begin chasing her dream of being a ballerina…however long it lasts.

I think back to my own dancing days, and those were over in just a year or two. Not really my thing.

And dancing might not be her thing either…but it might be.

And because we can and because Mondays are open and because we want her to have opportunities, and we want to let her dream…ballet it is.

And as I looked at the mass of pink and sparkles that gathered together in the room in the form of sweet little girls, I thought about how dreams so often start out just as my sweet little girl’s dream did yesterday…

Just that. A day to begin and to chase it.

We’ll cheer her on, however long it lasts, even if it’s forever. (Or, more likely, not.)

And if her dream changes down the road, we’ll buy those drums (heaven help us) or set up an area for her to paint pictures, pay for those singing lessons or spend hours writing stories together.

There are so many dreams out there, and I love…LOVE…that the world is wide open to her.

And as long as her heart is open to her Father, there’s nothing He can’t do in her life.

No dream that can’t come true.

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Linking up with two of my favorites today!

On Tuesdays, I hang out with some of my favorite friends at Crystal’s place, where she hosts Behind the Scenes.

“Behind the Scenes” is a fun link up where we show those photos – but tell the real story behind them. The sneak peek behind the scenes, a look past the edges of the photo to the real life behind it.

And I’m also linking up at God-Sized Dreams, with my favorite dreaming sisters!

I hope you’ll join us for the sweet, sentimental, and silly stories that make up our days.

Filed Under: Behind the Scenes, being mommy, God-Sized Dreams, just life, Maelie, where I am

Five-Minute Friday: See

January 9, 2014 by Mel · 20 Comments

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo for Five-Minute Friday. So, grab a timer, set it for five minutes, and join me!

Today’s prompt: See

I hear it a million times a day.

See, Mommy? Look at her beautiful dress!

Look, Mommy! I can jump! (Insert leap from couch to chair…something she’s technically not supposed to be doing…) 😉

I need the light on, Mommy…I can’t see!

Will you play princesses with me, Mommy? Look, here’s Rapunzel!

There are so many times in a day when my daughter asks me to look. She wants me to see.

Granted, she is three years old and at that age…the age that begs for attention and time and more attention. Pretty much all day long. 😉

And the truth is that, most moments, I’m more than happy to give it.

I want to be near her, seated on the floor criss-cross-applesauce, seeing the world from her vantage point…one filled with storybooks and songs, dancing and furniture leaping, and lots and lots of pony-and-princess playing.

And, often…Mommy, look. Here’s the next story in the Bible. Can we read it?

And so we sit down together and read from her Storybook Bible or talk about the last story, and I realize how blessed I am to see the faith in her heart as it continues to grow. She’s learning, she’s understanding…

She’s beginning to SEE.

And it’s beautiful.

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, Five Minute Friday, just life, Maelie, what I'm learning, where I am

Coffee For Your Heart: Rest

January 8, 2014 by Mel · 38 Comments

Happy Wednesday, friends!

I’m joining my friend, Holley, today for her new link-up…Coffee For Your Heart.

Really, she had me at coffee…and, maybe, at the first prompt, too. 😉

What encouraging words do you want the people you care about to hear as they begin a new year?

I tossed this question around for a week and almost even titled this Why It’s OK to Wear Two Pairs of Slippers and Legwarmers While Drinking Coffee and Sitting Under an Electric Blanket on a Sunday Morning…but that’s really not what this is about. I promise.

😉

I took this photo this past Sunday morning, around 9:30 a.m. When I should have been leaving for church.

I really love my church…as in, REALLY love it. God brought our family there at a time when we needed people to be Jesus to us, needed a place where Sunday mornings felt like home, needed to be embraced and loved on. And we found it there, and it’s become home.

And so on Sunday morning, missing church is never really a thought. We just know we’ll go and that we’ll love it.

Plus, we really want to be there.

Hubby and I went out on a date the night before. We hired a sitter and braved the really-not-salted-or-even-plowed-at-ALL roads around here to see The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. (Side note: such a fun movie! And bonus? A friend of ours from Indo was in it! :)) We stopped for dinner after the movie, and I wasn’t feeling the greatest…I have an issue that flares up occasionally and pretty much makes me miserable. I’ll leave the details out here and just celebrate the joys of being female. 😉

By the time we drove through more icy-snowy goodness than my heart rate could handle and arrived home, I had barely paid the babysitter before I was doubled over in pain. When this stuff happens to me, it’s truly brutal for about two or three hours. But it always, always passes.

I curled up on the couch and cried it out for awhile before finally dozing a little. But the pain just didn’t go away. It didn’t pass at all, it was a l.o.n.g. night, and by Sunday morning, I was still hurting.

A shower helped a little, but really, I knew what I needed to do…and that meant staying home.

I have to admit it didn’t help that I was freezing (Helloooooo, Polar Vortex. And goodbye, too. Please go.) and so I bundled up as much as possible and snuggled down under my two favorite blankets. (I may or may not have been sweating slightly by this point, but hey…for picture purposes, ya know. ;))

But I was mostly just bummed.

It was a depressing feeling to be left behind by my hubby and Mae, who got to go where I wanted to be.

You see, it had been a heavy week. A good one, but also one full of words and heart-spills…and sometimes those words you read on a blog take a lot out of the writer.

I was so looking forward to singing and worshiping and just being…sitting in a pew, soaking up the gift of a chance to be in the presence of my Father.

Instead, I sat on the couch with a mug of coffee and stared out the window at the STILL-falling-but-at-least-pretty, snow.

And I reluctantly picked up my Bible.

Read a few verses.

And I realized that I could sit on my couch and do exactly what I’d been longing to do…Worship Him.

I read a few pages of a devotional after those verses, spent some time in prayer, and I just kept hearing Him say it.

Rest.

Rest.

Rest.

It’s ok, Mel…to just rest. You need it sometimes.

It’s not something that I do well…and yet it was necessary. Needed, in order for me to be a wife and a mommy that afternoon and into the week.

Sometimes it feels like it’s easier to just push through those things in life that are harder, to keep going through the pain…and, yet, there are times He calls us to rest…sometimes from writing, sometimes from doing so much, and sometimes in the literal form of just crawling under a blanket and sneaking in a nap.

Maybe not an earth-shattering reminder, but it was definitely one I needed on this snowy, Sunday morning…one I need to remember throughout the year…and probably forever. And maybe it’s one you need, too…no matter what’s going on in your life, not matter how crazy the days or weeks…

Friend, it’s ok to take that time…to rest and just be.

And I hope you will. Happy Wednesday!

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Filed Under: church, coffee, encouragement, just life, Tobin, where I am

2014: Restore

January 1, 2014 by Mel · 35 Comments

Warning: This turned into an intense, heart-spill. Thanks for reading.

Hi, friends! Happy New Year!

And, yes, I’m blogging three days in a row…which hasn’t happened since, like, 2012.

And now that you’ve picked yourselves up off the floor… 😉

Restore. My word for 2014.

I’ll get to that in a minute. It’s one that has caused more wrestling and wondering and tears before I even chose it as my word for the year.

But let’s back up and talk about Dream for a minute.

It was my word for 2013…and, in every way, the safe choice for the year.

I was already part of the God-Sized Dream Team.

Already in the thick of dreaming and surrounded by so many other dreamers.

It just made sense.

Oh, there were parts of it that were challenging, definitely, and I don’t regret my choice at all. In all of the dreaming, and the hard part…doing, God did incredible things…opened doors and opportunities. 2013 was definitely a dreaming journey, one that has changed my life forever.

But, today…and this year, Restore.

It was supposed to be Create.

You see, that’s the word I wanted. It’s something I love. A word I had planned on making my focus for the year because it’s so easy for me.

To pull out the paint and a canvas and splash art.

To pick up my hook and yarn and make something cute that I’d rather not pay $30 for in a store. Or to make a cute hat for a friend.

To frustrate myself through the roof with my Rainbow Loom, but somehow make a cute bracelet. Yes, I bought one. It’s fun. And completely addicting…and, yes, I promise I am 35 years old. 😉

Creating…it comes naturally. And it’s easy.

But God said something different this time…and, ironically, He said it through a painting. (And a whole series of events that make up an incredible account…I’ll be sharing that soon, but not today.) 😉

He said it through this.

Restore.

I will restore you. Your marriage, your heart, your emotions, your confidence, ALL of it.

You see, I paint a word mural in this space.

While I keep it real most days, unless you know me intimately, you don’t know the brokenness that resides in this heart.

Some of it is my own doing, some of it isn’t.

But regardless of the source, there are pieces of me that need to be restored. Not fixed completely…but at least brought back to a place of being able to shine Him again, even if it’s through cracks.

Our marriage…it’s hard. We are night and day, sunshine and rain…and looking for the rainbow. I know it’s there, and I remind myself of that daily as, sometimes, we try desperately to hold on. The Truth is that we are working to make Him first again. I’m not sure how it happened, but somewhere in the last eleven plus years, we became more me-me-me, and less Him-Him-Him.

Pray for us? Please?

My mommy heart needs to be restored and reminded daily of the blessing I have in my precious daughter. Most days I know it and feel it and the two of us dance it out like the crazy, fun girls we are. 😉 And others…the ones when my period is late or I’m cramping horribly…well, I focus on what I don’t have. Will you pray that God will restore my heart? And because I believe in being real…and also because so many of you are my family…here’s the deal. Really.

And I want you to know it.

We’re focusing on us and our sweet girl. There’s no trying right now, and I’m ok with that. We are hoping a few months down the road that we’ll be in that place again, but today, we’re not there. It’s been a source of me needing to let go of my perfect family ideal…which didn’t include kiddos who were four or five years apart. (If that.) And yet, here we are.

And I long to be ok.

And there’s also a deep desire for freedom and restoration of my past…situations that left me broken, empty, and almost unable to go back to the place that was my home for so many years.

The truth is that, right now, I can’t go back without a pit in my stomach, a hardness to my heart, and tears brimming on my eyelids.

I hate that it’s that way. Hate it.

And I know that ONLY HE can Restore it and somehow glue back together the pieces that fell apart so long ago.

I mean it when I say that it’s almost become easier to live broken than to live Restored.

But I long for it…and He has spoken it.

Now, I need to obey it.

So, Father, please Restore…whatever it is that needs to be restored in me. Make my heart new, make it long for You, make it shine You again. I know You can and You will.

God gave me a verse recently…and, ironically, it popped up as the verse of the day yesterday. But maybe it’s just another little whisper from Him that He’s got this.

This…THIS…it’s my prayer.

My hope.

My promise from Him for 2014.

See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.

Isaiah 43:19 (NIV)

Restore 2014. He Will.

And, thank you…to each of you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for being willing to walk this journey with me.

That makes you my friend, and I love you for it.

***Linking up at Circles of Faith and the One Word 365 community today.

Filed Under: barefoot, being mommy, encouragement, family, God-Sized Dreams, Maelie, marriage, Tobin, what I'm learning, where I am

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2014: Restore

Mel

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