A Special Moment

May 1, 2011 by · 1 Comment

It’ s been a bu

sy weekend. Grandma and Grandpa Schroeder were here yesterday and part of today, so Maelie had plenty of love and attention, which she was just fine with! We also had some other things going on, and tonight Mae was across the street with our friends for a couple hours.

By the time I walked in the door with her at 8:23 p.m., I didn’t feel like I’d really spent much time with her over the weekend.

Before I tucked her in tonight, I decided she needed a longer story time. (And maybe some extra cuddles, too.) We read one of her favorites, Goodnight Moon, which we read at least once a week.

Then I pulled a book off the shelf that we hadn’t read yet, The Twelve Gifts of Birth.

In fact, the book was given to me, probably ten years ago, and I’d never read it.

It was beautiful…a special moment to read this book with Maelie.

Even though I’m pretty sure it’s a secular book, the values in it are things that I would, and often do, pray for my daughter as she grows up.

As I read through each of these tonight, my heart filled with hope as I imagined this little girl, who right now fits on my lap but will soon grow up to learn and demonstrate each of these in her life.

*Strength: May you remember to call on God always.

*Beauty: May it be shown each day in your life as you live out your faith.

*Courage: May you speak and act with confidence and use courage as you follow the path God h

as for you.

Compassion: May you be gentle with yourself and others. May you forgive those who hurt you and yourself when you make mistakes.

*Hope: Through each passage and season, may you trust in the goodness of God.

Joy: May it keep your heart open and filled with light.

*Talent: May you discover your own special abilities and use them to glorify God.

Imagination: May it nourish your visions and dreams.

Reverence: May you appreciate the wonder that you are and the miracle of all creation.

*Wisdom: Guiding your way, wisdom will lead you through knowledge to understanding.

May you hear His voice.

Love: It will grow each time you give it away.

*Faith: May you believe in the saving power of Jesus Christ.

Quotes taken from The Twelve Gifts of Birth, by Charlene Constanzo.

(*And modified by me. :))

Out of all the times we share together, praying for my daughter is the most special. I’m so excited to watch God’ s plan for her unfold.

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, Maelie

The Importance of Community

April 27, 2011 by · 3 Comments

The word ” community”

came up a lot when we were living overseas.

Over and over, it was stressed to us that living in commun

ity was important. I didn’t always exactly understand it…or do it well…but in the past few weeks,

the concept has come up in my mind again.

When you’re the new girl in town, “community” can be tough.

When we first moved here, I wanted nothing to do with the community in which I was being forced to reside.

But before long, I loved it. Really, truly loved it.

I live

in the “Old” area of Carpentersville, Illinois.

I love it…it’s like this “oldish” neighborhood with homes that have tons of character.

Personally, I love it that my house does not look like every other house on the block. The neighbors actually come out of their homes and talk to each other. Kids in the neighborhood ride

their bikes and stop to play with our dogs.

The couple diagonal from us hangs with the neighborhood kids and bakes them cookies. (And sometimes they share cause they’re just cool like that.) The older couple next to us are so sweet and love our Mae…they even brought her the cutest little furry stuffed bunny for Easter. Our neighbors across the street have become some of our closest friends and Aunt and Uncle to Maelie.

I love my neighborhood/community…really, who wouldn’t?

Beyond my immediate community, there’s the general area in which I live.

It’s several smaller villages (Seriously, that’s what they’re called…no idea why. Anyone?) that make me feel like I live in a small town…but with everything we’ll ever need within ten minutes of our house.

A few months ago some friends and I discovered a little coffee shop that hosts open mic night every other week. Yours truly is lending her vocal cords and guitar strumming to them this Friday…and hoping she doesn’t scare away the entire place or get banned forever. 😉 I was in there just chatting with the owner yesterday, and I love how I walk into her shop and we start talking like we’ve known each other for years.

I love, love, love my community.

Then there’s the aspect of church community. This one took a little longer.

We tried a few churches in this area when we first moved here and were very disappointed…maybe our expectations were too high? I don’t know. We ended up going to our current church because it’s where I attend a weekly Bible study…and we found an unexpected home there.

Wonderful people, great worship, and we’re being challenged and fed…which is so important to us.

In the past few months I’ve slowly joined a little of the blogging community, specifically through a few websites where I read and comment often.

Today, one of those sites posted this video that I just thought was amazing. It is so, so, exactly what the (in)courage community is all about. It’s worth your time to watch, but if you don’t have the time, at least check out

the site. I love it.

Last week one of the regular writers for this blog lost her daughter.

It was a beautiful thing to see the (in)courage community come around her family to support them, love them, and pray for them. It was also a reminder that community doesn’t always have to be physically present…that we can support and love each other online, too.

And…I’m excited to announce that in a couple weeks, I’ll be the daily guest blogger for this site…which I am so, so pumped about!

(But what I’m writing about? You’ll have to wait until then. :)) I so admire the (in)courage writers and am humbled that they are allowing me to share a piece of my heart with them and with all of you. I can’t wait!

I’m so thankful for community…and the many ways it has blessed me.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, church, encouragement, where I am

One Year Later

April 25, 2011 by · 4 Comments

A year

ago, I left Indonesia.

I remember, so clearly, that last week…

Last get-togethers with friends, last movies, last laughs, final hugs, heartbreaking goodbyes.

I remember, even more clearly, my last day there…

Waking up early to soak in the last bits of my normal. Chatting with our pembantu, loving on my dogs, taking my time as I walked through our house, looking out the upstairs window one more time and memorizing every detail of the mountains that surrounded us. I loved those mountains.

The goodbyes. Trying to stop the constant stream of tears as I hugged our beloved house helper and friend, Ibu Sari, goodbye.

The physical heartache as we pulled out of Kota Baru for

the last time.

Two wonderful friends who gave up their Saturday to go with us to Jakarta to see me off.

One last dinner together at Chili’s…and trying (unsuccessfully) to force down some food, but being able to stomach Cold Stone.

😀 No idea why.

One last hour spent together in the Jakarta airport, snagging a semi-private corner, but not far away enough from curious stares.

There were laughs for a bit, and then the tears began to flow. At times I had to force myself to breathe.

Quick hugs to Dave and Tiff, and then Tobin walked me to customs.

Saying goodbye to him was the most awful part of that day, worse than leaving my Indonesia. My best friend, the one who had held my hand through everything, was staying, and I was going. I couldn’t stop crying. He held me as my body shook and the streams of salty tears flowed. It was all I could do to not dissolve on the floor in a puddle of hysterical sobs.

I don’t know where I found the strength…to actually leave his arms and go.

But I did…

I’m sure the customs official wondered why I just cried. I kept looking back to where Tobin was, waiting for his last glimpse of me, dreading the moment when we couldn’t see each other anymore.

It came…and so did more tears.

With wobbly legs, I made my way to Starbucks…I still had two hours until my flight left, and I couldn’t bear to wait it out at the gate. I snagged a comfy chair in a corner, curled up with my latte, and let the tears flow as I reflected on the five years I was leaving behind.

Eventually I made it to the gate and onto the flight. And I was gone.

Indonesia was gone.

Looking back, it easily ranks as one of the worst days of my life. It was a necessary day…but that didn’t make it any easier.

I still feel the heartache when I think about it. And the tears still come.

For the last week or so, my mind has been battling between focusing on Christ and thinking about my last days in Indonesia. Even though it’ s all in the pa

st, it still hurts.

I can’t believe how much I miss it.

Even more, I can’t believe it’s been a year. A whole year.

I have to admit that last week, my thoughts became so consumed with Indonesia that I had to turn things around or I was going to drive myself crazy.

So I asked myself, What has God done in a year?

And the answers to that question sent me to my knees in thanks.

He brought us through six weeks of being on opposite sides of the world.

He provided for me while I was really pregnant, emotional, and away from Tobin…friends, a car, a place to stay, people to love me.

He brought our dogs safely back to the U.S.

He gave us a car much nicer than anything we dared to hope we might be able to buy.

He gave us a beautiful daughter. (Sorry, that one deserved to be in bold. ;))

He gave us precious time with friends and family in Minnesota before we moved.

He gave us a house and neighborhood that are beyond what we could have even dreamed.

He provided amazing friends and a great church during a tough transition to a new community.

He’s slowly giving us a place to belong.

When I look back at the last year, there are things that make me cry and remember…and that’s ok. There’s a time for that.

But there’s also

a time for rejoicing and giving thanks. And we’ve got plenty to be thankful for.

God, you are Good. So, So Good.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, family, friends, Indonesia, remembering

Easter Blessings

April 24, 2011 by · Leave a Comment

This morning was: 1) the first time we’d been in church on Easter in six years; and 2) the first time we’d been in a Lutheran church for Easter.

I have to say Amen! to both.

Here’s why.

The six years thing was our choice and boiled down to several reasons which I will not go into here.

We have always celebrated Easter, just not always in a church. Today, being among hundreds of people who were worshipping and celebrating the glorious Resurrection was so, so wonderful.

My heart was ready for that celebration, and I can’ t begin

to describe how emotional it was for me to watch the cross being carried down

the aisle.

Each church and denomination has its own traditions regarding Easter, and each tradition is a blessing

in its own way…today just really spoke to my heart.

Watching the cross being carried in and out of the church while we sang. Responding multiple times to Pastor’s He is risen! with He is risen, indeed!

Alleluia!

Each time we said it, I felt love rising up within me more and more.

He is Risen!

Because of that, sin no longer has power over me.

I can live with the full knowledge that I am Forgiven…and I am His. Forever.

That’s incredible!

Today was such a blessing.

And even aside from church, the blessings just flowed over the weekend. A spur-of-the-moment movie night with friends and chocolate chip whoopie pies…mmm. :) Our dear neighbors brought over a little stuffed bunny for Maelie.

Our sweet friends across the street gave Mae an Easter basket that brought me to tears.

(And if she was old enough to understand, Mae probably would’ve cried, too. Well, if she ends up with her mommy’s emotions.) :) A last minute invitation to join some friends for dinner today…great food and good conversations…and even an evening swim for me and Mae…her first time in a pool. And she LOVED it!

So blessed.

He is Risen! He is Risen, indeed! Alleluia!

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, church, friends

Today…

April 23, 2011 by · 2 Comments

I hold my daughter a little tighter.

And give her more kisses.

Give her extra cuddles and upside-down flips.

Rejoice in her laughter…and in her screams.

Smile through the dirty diapers

And the nap-protests that occur daily.

Linger a bit longer on the porch in the late afternoon, jabbering baby-talk back and forth with her…even though the neighbors can hear.

I catch her gleaming eyes as she sails through the air in a swing and thank God her lungs can breathe the air.

I’m extra patient when she fights me at feeding time.

And I wrap my arms around her and whisper, I love you

Over and over,

Thanking God from the depths of my heart for my girl today… and every day.

And praying for a precious sister in Christ whose heart is aching from those depths today.

Father, You are near to the brokenhearted… be near.

Oh, please, be near.

Amen.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings

He Did It With Love

April 22, 2011 by · 1 Comment

On Wednesday Tobin bought me flowers.

Beautiful, vibrant, orangey-red gerber daisies.

My favorite.

We’d had a disagreement the day before, and I can’t say I had my most beautiful moments

during it.

I most definitely didn’t deserve flowers after it, either.

But he brought them home anyway, put aside his pride, and gave me something I didn’t deserve.

And he did it with love.

A little extra love for him crept into my heart that day, too.

And for the past few days they’ve been on our dining room table, brightening up the room and making me smile when I see them.

And reminding me of Christ.

Of how he freely gave me the ultimate gift of Love, despite my sin and many, many less-than-beautiful moments.

Of how he put aside his pride and endured the most humiliating, painful death just so I may live.

Even though I most definitely don’ t deserve i

t.

And he did it with love.

That makes me smile.

And love him more, too.

Thank you, Jesus, for a gift I can only receive and never repay.

May I live each day to reflect your love.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, encouragement, Tobin

Date Night

April 16, 2011 by · 2 Comments

To preface this story, you need to know how few date nights Tobin and I have had, just the two of us, since Maelie was born. I think three, counting tonight.

So it’s kind of a big deal.

And we really have no problem with taking Mae along with us when we decide to go out. She’s part of us and we love her! But sometimes, it’s nice to just be the two of us.

So I decided on Thursday that the $20 I had in my wallet would best

be spent on hiring a babysitter

for tonight. Then Tobin and I could go to the kids’ musical at our church’s school, just the two of us, and

then even out for dinner afterward.

(Ok, so half of it would be romantic.) :)

We hired the babysitter, told her we had to be out the door by 6:45, preferrably a little earlier, and that was that.

Or so we thought.

6:15 rolls around, and I start to have this feeling. I just know she’s not going to show up.

6:30. Still no babysitter. Tobin tries to call, gets her voicemail a couple times.

6:40. Mel starts to get mad. Really, the flames were ready to shoot…I had to squelch them, and I think I did a pretty good job of holding in the fire.

6:45. I decide to take Mae with us and just go, at which time our sitter finally calls to say she’s on the way. But we’ve got to get out the door, so it’s too late.

I literally snatched the diaper bag as we were running out the door, hoping that we had what we needed, and thankfully I had already made a bottle.

And Maelie was great, she really was.

She sat through the first half of the play and did pretty well, just getting a little fussy. (Which I can hardly fault her for…it was past her final feeding and bedtime.) After intermission, Tobin took her to the back of the gym, and she had her bottle and, for the most part, was happy for the rest of the show.

My sweet friend offered to watch her for us so we could go out to dinner, which made my night.

So Tobin and I went to Emmett’s, a local place, and spent an hour or so just chatting and enjoying being together.

We have missed that aspect of our relationship…and I was so thankful it worked out that we could still have our “date”. We talked about a lot…from an issue we’re thinking through to baby names, which we do NOT need to be thinking about yet. Just sayin’. 😉

It was good…and I got home tonight (late) feeling very blessed.

By friends who will step in to help you salvage a bit of sanity, by kids who sing their hearts out and make me smile just listening to them, by a church that we love and are excited to be part of, by a sweet daughter who blesses our lives in countless ways every single day, by a husband who loves me despite my less-than-stellar moments.

(Like the times when flames are about to start shooting…) :)

I’m beyond blessed.

And so, so thankful.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, Maelie, Tobin

Single Parenting It

April 13, 2011 by · 2 Comments

To day

g ave

me a newfound respect for single parents.

I did the single parent thing for fourteen hours today…about five longer than normal for me.

I’m used to staying home with Maelie… and we have fun together.

I love my girl so much. :) During a typical week, we’ll get out probably two days, sometimes three, just so I can stay sane. And I had every intention of getting out today, but it didn’t quite happen like I had pictured.

My morning started early. I was up at 5:45 to meet a friend for

a run. I got home around 7:15, and by then, Maelie had already had her morning bottle and Tobin was getting

her ready to go for the day. I took a quick shower, spent a little time with him, and then he left at 8 a.m. for a long, busy day.

T he second

he left, she started crying.

I wasn’t exactly sure what she wanted, but I tried. I checked her diaper…nope. I put her in the high chair and gave her some Cheerios and juice…that worked for a few minutes.

I played with her on the floor… again,

a few minutes. I sang to her…that one didn’t work at all. (No comments, please. ;))

Finally around 8:45 I gave in and fed her early, thinking it would calm her down and that maybe she was just tired.. (She usually eats again at 9:30.) She nursed for an exceptionally long time, and I finally stopped her around 9:30, thinking she’d had more than enough. I changed her diaper and put her down for a nap.

And. She. Screamed.

Bloody. Murder.

For 90 minutes.

(Interspersed with a couple very short cat naps.)

At some point I wondered if maybe something was wrong with her so I checked on her and covered her up because she had kicked her blanket off. Nothing was making this

girl calm down.

Just FYI, Tobin and I have a pretty strict policy for napping.

She goes down, whether she wants to or not. Usually she cries for about two minutes before giving in to sleep, so today was rare. (How long she naps is another story…that varies from day to day.) However, we do not want her to learn that every time she screams she gets her way.

I worked on a couple things upstairs and finally gave in to the screaming, knowing that we were getting absolutely nowhere.

She was more than happy to see that I was finally picking her up, which solidified in my mind that she just didn’t want to sleep…that was it.

We ate some lunch and played a bit, and then I took her outside to swing.

The screaming started again.

No matter what I did, she screamed. We tried the jumper…she wailed. I held her…she was inconsolable. I finally gave up, sang to her, and put her down for another nap around 1:30.

Oh, no, that was not okay.

Fifteen minutes of blood curdling screaming, and I finally gave her a bottle, which seemed to calm her down somewhat. After a diaper change and another song, I put her down for a nap at 2:15.

After yet more wailing, she finally gave in, sleeping for a solid two hours.

And I. Was. Exhausted.

And you? Are probably exhausted just reading this.

Our plans to get out of the house after her nap fell through, but thankfully (?) we had to run to Target for some butterfly tape.

Yeah…I tried to cut my finger off. Thankfully our knives aren’t that good, but boy, was there a lot of blood.

Of all days. Seriously?!

(I’ll spare you the details only to tell you that I only made one frantic phone call, and thankfully he was a calming influence. :))

I had hoped to take Mae to church for the Lent service tonight, but let’s be honest. The single parent thing with a ten month old who is happy is hard. I can’t imagine trying it after the day we’ve had. I’m pretty sure we’d both end up in tears.

So we stayed home and she happily went to bed around 8 p.m.

I’m sure she was tired…I am! 😉

In all seriousness, though…it wasn’t a great day. I love my girl and am realistic enough to know that not every day is going to be perfect. However, after today, I realize just how very blessed I am to have Tobin and to not be doing this alone. My heart AND my respect goes out to all single parents.

Now to pour the coffee and kick my feet up…I think I’ve earned it. 😉

Have a great night!

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings

The Weekend

April 11, 2011 by · 2 Comments

Yeah, I know it’s Monday.

But, in the interest of forgetting that it’s Monday, I give you a recap of a pretty good weekend.

First, it was so nice to feel better. I’m not 100%, but that’s ok…my head’s not clogged, I can almost sing, and I slept through the night for the first time in a week without waking up to cough for an hour. So I think that qualifies as better.

At midnight on Friday night/Saturday morning, I took a 48 hour blog break.

I mean, I still wrote on my blog, but I stayed away from the twenty or so that I read on a regular basis.

A blogging friend had done the same thing for a week, and I was inspired.

It was good.

I still allowed myself Twitter and Facebook but found that I spent far less time on them and on the computer in general…and I had tons of time with Tobin and Maelie, which was so great.

Saturday was nice…mid 60′ s and a perfect day for being out

side. Maelie had a wagon ride and some good swinging time, which she loves. Tobin did some work outside, and I sat under a tree and blogged.

We had some visits from neighbors…and it was just a good day to be out, enjoying our awesome neighborhood.

And good to get my first hint of color for the season. Not too much, though. 😉

Sunday was gorgeous…and it started off in the most amazing way. Bear with me…this is a little indulgent. But worth bragging about. A few weeks ago, I tried on a pair of pre-prego shorts, and they were nowhere near fitting me. I was bummed but wasn’t sure if there was much I could do about it.

Yesterday morning I saw a pair lying on top of a stack of clothes and grabbed them, thinking, Yeah, right.

Um, yeah, right!

They fit! (I didn’t even have to suck my belly in, either!) So, of course, I had to try on all of my shorts from two summers ago, and they. all. fit. All of them! Oh, there was much squealing and dancing around!

:)

We went to the late service, and the sermon and worship were both SO good…exactly what we needed. And to top it off, Mae actually sat through the whole service…with some help from a bottle and a container of Cheerios. 😉 We came home and spent some time outside…Mae (again) got to swing, and then when she was taking her afternoon nap, we tossed around the frisbee a little and just hung out in the awesome sunshine.

When Mae woke up from her nap, we decided we should celebrate April 10th and Isabel, so we went out for ice cream.

Sonic is kind of our favorite for a lot of reasons.

We like it, but it also represents a happy time in our lives, so we headed there. It was good to chat and remember…and let a few tears fall. But not too many…it was a really good tradition to start. And Maelie loooooves Lime Creamslushes…it was fun to watch her get excited for each bite.

It was just a fun weekend to be together… me, my hubby, and my girl.

Feeling pretty blessed.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, family, remembering

Isabel

April 10, 2011 by · 4 Comments

Typing her name feels so surreal.

Isabel Mawar.

Isabel = my all time

favorite little girl’s name. Mawar = Indonesian for rose…my middle name, my mom’s name.

She is a little girl who is spoken of at our house…but only at our house. She lives in our hearts and was part of our lives for a very short time.

Today she’ d be a year ol

d. (Well, if she had been born on her due date.

;))

I often try to picture her…I imagine she would have looked very much

like Mae. A little pudgy with lots of spunk… and lots of Schroeder.

Smiley, giggly, and definitely a bit ornery.

Her passing was not marked by anything significant. Only her daddy and I knew of her existence, which we celebrated in hushed whispers and looks exchanged between the two of us.

And we mourned her loss alone, crying deep sobs for the little life that would never be spent…at least with us.

Two months later her sister entered our lives…our precious Maelie, the girl we have come to love and cherish

and absolutely adore. Maelie is our girl, the one God meant for us to hold in our arms.

To cover with kisses, dream big dreams for, and watch grow.

But Isabel is no less our girl…and she is missed, remembered, and loved.

So loved.

None of us would change things for a second.

But on days like April 10th, I allow myself to dream.

And remember.

Isabel, we love you so much.

We can’t wait to hold you in Heaven someday.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, family, remembering
«Previous Page
Next Page»