Isabel

Typing her name feels so surreal.

Isabel Mawar.

Isabel = my all time

favorite little girl’s name. Mawar = Indonesian for rose…my middle name, my mom’s name.

She is a little girl who is spoken of at our house…but only at our house. She lives in our hearts and was part of our lives for a very short time.

Today she’ d be a year ol

d. (Well, if she had been born on her due date.

;))

I often try to picture her…I imagine she would have looked very much

like Mae. A little pudgy with lots of spunk… and lots of Schroeder.

Smiley, giggly, and definitely a bit ornery.

Her passing was not marked by anything significant. Only her daddy and I knew of her existence, which we celebrated in hushed whispers and looks exchanged between the two of us.

And we mourned her loss alone, crying deep sobs for the little life that would never be spent…at least with us.

Two months later her sister entered our lives…our precious Maelie, the girl we have come to love and cherish

and absolutely adore. Maelie is our girl, the one God meant for us to hold in our arms.

To cover with kisses, dream big dreams for, and watch grow.

But Isabel is no less our girl…and she is missed, remembered, and loved.

So loved.

None of us would change things for a second.

But on days like April 10th, I allow myself to dream.

And remember.

Isabel, we love you so much.

We can’t wait to hold you in Heaven someday.