It’s So Small

April 26, 2011 by · 1 Comment

Yesterday I cut my toe.

Pretty bad, actually. The words gashed, sliced, or even slashed, would probably be more appropriate here, but in the interest of not completely grossing you out, I will leave it at cut.

The story of how it happened is strange. If you know me, you know I’m a klutz.

Always have been, always will be. I embrace it each day as I fall over nothing… 😉

I was feeding Maelie some cereal in the dining room and got up to grab something in the kitchen. There is a tiny little step-up into our kitchen, and I assume it’s there from when one of the previous owners redid the floor and added granite tile. I know it’s there and don’t even think about it most of the time.

(This is common in Indonesia in many rooms, too, so I think I’m just used to floors that aren’t level.) I didn’t really trip…my right foot made it into the kitchen just fine, but my left big toe…somehow found the edge of that tile.

Oh, Pain. PAin. PAIn. PAIN.

I was scared to look at first…I knew it was bad.

(And I’m not really a fan of blood, either.) While I often display drama queen characteristics, I do actually have a decently high tolerance for pain.

And. This. Hurt.

There was so much blood that I couldn’t really tell how bad it was at first. Looking at it made my stomach turn, so I grabbed some paper towels and just held them over my toe, hoping the initial blood flow wasn’t as seemingly endless as I thought it might be.

It bled for over an hour, and when I could finally examine it without wanting to completely throw up, I discovered it was pretty deep…which wasn’t really a surprise.

So then comes the question, To stitch or not to stitch?

I’m not a fan of stitches, but even more, not a fan of scars. Also, summer is coming, and that equals flip flops and Mel in all of her barefoot glory. I did NOT want a huge, disgusting scar.

I called Tobin, but there was only so much he could do from work.

We ended up skyping and turn ing on

the video just so he could help me figure out what to do. He couldn’t tell much, so we decided to wait until that night to make a decision.

All day long I limped around because it hurt too much to actually step on my big toe. By later afternoon it was feeling somewhat better, but the question of whether I needed stitches remained as I stared at the gaping wound on my toe.

Tobin got home, and we decided it was one of those cuts that could go either way.

If we went in, they would probably stitch it; if we didn’t, it would probably heal fine but take longer. We opted for no stitches, which I’m still kind of questioning, but bandaids and butterfly tape seem to be doing the trick ok.

Anyway, all of that leads up to my story…cause, you know me, I need a story to go with my story! :)

I’ve been running with a friend 2-3 times a week in the mornings.

We had planned to go running this morning. Since my toe didn’t really hurt too bad last night, I just bandaged it up and decided it would be okay to try running.

As we started to jog today, though…I noticed something. Not only was my toe starting to hurt again, but my outer left calf muscle was really aching. I was puzzled by this until I remembered…

I’d been completely off balance the day before, not really stepping down on my big toe at all. That put a lot of stress on other parts of my foot and leg. And when I started to run this morning, I was doing the same thing because my toe couldn’t take the blunt force of crashing onto the pavement with each step.

I was completely off balance, and the run? Well…it was more of a run one minute, walk two kind of outing. And each time I ran, it just hurt.

Tobin spent some time yesterday giving me “big toe” facts. He’s such a goofball…but one interesting fact was that each big toe is capable of supporting up to 40% of a person’s body weight. So, obviously it’s important. Then, he was in all his glory, when he informed me that the first known invention of prosthetics

was for the big toe.

I smiled, nodded, and just hoped I would never need one.

😉

As I was driving home this morning after my run, I started (kept?) thinking about my big toe…it’s so small.

But it’s affecting everything I do.

And then? I thought about my heart. About how, most of the time, what’s going on in there is good.

But what about those moments when I get jealous and mean

? Where do the jealousy and meanness hide

? In little corners of my heart, where I’ve pushed them, hoping to hide them.

And while seemingly small, they can really affect my family, my friends, those around me, myself.

Those things that are so small…can sometimes make an impact bigger than we ever want them to.

Lots to think about tonight.

Sig

Filed Under: what I'm learning, where I am

Just One Espresso Shot Today…

April 21, 2011 by · 2 Comments

So today’s coffee is gonna be short and sweet.

If you came over today you’d find me vegged out on the couch, pretty unmotivated to do anything.

The house…ahem…is a wreck, and I’m going to have to muster the strength and motivation to pick it up be fore

my hubby gets home. Maybe.

And I’m actually cheating today…no c offee, just working on a BIG refill

of Diet Coke.

I needed the caffeine today, which is doing absolutely nothing for the killer headache that crept up a few hours ago.

It’s Holy Week…and Tobin and I have spent some time talking and reflecting and attempting to figure out some stuff. It’s been good to take that intentional time to focus on Christ.

But it only makes sense that during a week like this satan has made his very unwelcome presence known.

I feel defeated.

I feel discouraged.

I feel…I don’t know what I feel.

I so want a place to belong, that’s what I want.

I’m so tired of waiting…and I don’t even know what I’m waiting for.

I’ m just struggling with still being in that transition

mode.

Having a place to live but being unable to completely live here. Having a church but wondering where exactly we fit into it.

Having the desire to serve but not knowing what to do with it.

It hurts.

I just long to be settled.

And since that was kind of a depressing espresso shot, check out the new photo on the sidebar of my blog that Tobin took today. I needed a new one anyway, but it’s actually for something later. I think it’s cute…well, cute for me. 😉

That’s all for today.

Hugs.

Sig

Filed Under: coffee, where I am

Micah 6:8 (Part 4): Walk Humbly With Your God

April 19, 2011 by · 2 Comments

How ironic that

humility is the topic of choice following yester da

y’ s rant of

sorts.

Like I said in my follow-up post, I have a policy of not deleting posts unless there’ s a really good rea

son. The things I write reflect my heart at the time…and emotions change. I’m not making excuses, just being honest.

Yesterday was drama-ish.

I was tired, hurting, frustrated, and let two seemingly small(er) straws break the camel’s back. Personally, I think I needed a good cry…and those two things provided an outlet for just that.

And my dramatic tendencies were quickly humbled several hours later when I opened an e-mail…and we’re delighted to let you know that we want

to share your submission with our community.

First reaction? Big smile.

Second? Ohhhh… what did I just splash onto this blog

?

Mel. Has. Been. Humbled.

Happens often.

Of course, because of yesterday’s events, being humble is in the forefront of my mind. Obviously, I need to work on it…and because of that, it’s worth processing on the blog.

When I think of the three things that God tell us to do in Micah 6:8…Do Justice, Love Kindness, Walk Humbly with your God…for some reason, humility stands out. Maybe because it’s attached to the phrase “with your God”.

Humility cannot be achieved alone.

In my own strength, I get wrapped up in myself, in the events of my life, in the things that are complicating my plans.

See a theme here?

In true humility, I would be focusing on Him instead of myself.

I have always struggled being humble.

It isn’t that I believe I’m overly and outwardly prideful, but I think that pride can often creep up and make me think I’m all that.

I was thinking about pride and the things that happened yesterday to “squash” me…first, discouragement about not hearing back from blogs I wanted to write for.

Well, Mel, what makes you worthy of that? Why is your writing good enough for that

?

Oh, ouch. Ouch. That hurt, but it’s true. Why do any of us have gifts? It isn’t because of anything we’ve done, rather what He’s done.

Then the video. Could it be that I was a little bit prideful with that, too

? I don’t know…I didn’t think so at the time, but maybe there was a l ittle of

it creeping up somewhere.

Double ouch.

(And we found out last night that there was a problem with the clip we sent…apparently the format we used is difficult with Macs sometimes, which I didn’t know. The guy in charge of the project was so nice about it and apologized…it definitely wasn’t his fault at all. He even offered me another chance in the future, and that blessed my heart.)

And then how does God remind me of His faithfulness, although I have had such an awful, me-me-me day?

He gives me one of the desires of my heart.

Oh, when will I learn

?

Today I am thankful for a Father who gently humbles his children with love and compassion. Who sees a hurting child and, despite her selfishness and pride, continues to give and bless.

Humility is a journey…one that none of us will ever truly complete, but we can keep trying and hanging on to His hand as we walk with Him.

I’m so thankful that He’s willing to walk with me no matter what.

Sig

Filed Under: encouragement, what I'm learning, where I am

Follow Up

April 18, 2011 by · 5 Comments

Wow, two posts in a da

y?

I have a policy of not deleting posts…because they are a true reflection of my heart at the time that I write them.

However, when a follow-up is necessary, I’m there.

And today,

it’s necessary.

I cried most of the morning, feeling so discouraged and frustrated

and just, in general, not liking myself.

(Oh, it’s tough to be an ENFP. Seriously.)

I didn

‘t spend much time in prayer…maybe I should have prayed more…but I did ask God to give me what He knew I needed today, whatever that may be.

And He did.

I’m not going to share too many details yet, just to say that I get to write for one of my favorite sites.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

SO excited!!! 😀

He is Good…even when I’m all wrapped up in myself.

Can’t wait to share more with you soon!

Thank you, Father, for meeting me today.

Edit: My hubby posted this in the comments…and it’s good. (Now I need to go check out the ISTJ!) :)

Sig

Filed Under: where I am, writing

Rejection

April 18, 2011 by · 1 Comment

I’m no stranger to rejection.

I’ve blogged about my insecur iti

es as a teenager and how I never felt like I fit in.

I haven’t blogged (much) about my parents’ divorce when I was sixteen and the more insecurities that followed.

Sometimes I just feel like I’m never good enough.

And this morning I was reminded of that feeling again…not once, but twice.

A couple months ago I submitted a story I wrote to a couple blogs that I really like, hoping it was maybe something they could use.

It was an account from a pivotal time in my life, and I put every ounce of my heart and soul into those words.

It wasn’t that I was expecting them to accept it right away, especially since I’m just starting out on the whole writing thing, but I thought I’d at least hear something.

Thanks for your submission, but we can’ t use i

t at this time.

We appreciate your interest in writing for us.

We’ll let you know at a later date if we’ll be using your story.

Something…anything.

But I heard nothing.

At the same time I was working on another piece that really cut to the core of who

I am. I had a dear friend edit it, and she made some good suggestions, and

I fixed it and was really, really happy with it.

But I was also still reeling from the whole I-poured-my-heart-out-and-heard-absolutely-nothing thing…and so I never sent it, kind of waiting for that moment when my heart was ready for possible rejection again.

This morning I opened up one of my favorite blogs to see a post with almost the same title and pretty much the same story.

It felt like someone had crawled into my heart and stolen my words.

And to make matters worse, that’s only half of the story.

A couple months ago I signed up to participate in a Community Reading for another blog I enjoy. My husband helped me do the video,

and I sent it in well before the deadl

ine. Last week I got an e-mail reminder for it and replied, just to confirm that they had received my video. They hadn’t but asked me to resubmit it. So I sent it again and received confirmation that they’d gotten it. Cool.

And I was really excited to be part of that video…having people from all corners of the world sharing God’s Word…it just felt right to have a little piece in something that is so much a part of who I am.

This morning when the entire video was posted, I watched it, a little nervous that I was actually going to be on it…and I wasn’t.

For whatever reason, another girl read the verse I’d signed up for.

I just said to Tobin, They didn’t use me.

Then I went upstairs and let a hot shower swallow up the tears.

I wish I could say they stopped after the shower, but they didn’t. Over an hour later, they continue.

I hate being the one who is never good enough…the who will never make it doing what she loves.

And I get it…it’s not all about me.

But it is my heart, and right now my heart feels like it’s been squashed and stomped on and ripped apart.

Everything in me says, I don’t care.

Thankfully my brain knows differently…if I didn’t care, it wouldn’t hurt this much.

Thanks for reading and for loving me anyway. I’ll be back tomorrow.

Sig

Filed Under: where I am, writing

Why Am I Doing This Again?

April 17, 2011 by · 1 Comment

Ok, a little honesty here.

I’m tired.

Sometimes, I’m tired of writing.

I don’t mean that as something that’s going to last forever…it’s just where I am right now.

But a few times this week I’ve asked myself, Why am I doing this again?

I was chatting with a friend tonight and told her that I’m really tired of the blog…or, more accurately, the commitment I made to the blog. ( Geez, it sounds like a relationship!

:)) Not like I want to throw it out the window and never look at it again.

But three months ago, blogging every d

ay did not seem like a big deal.

Today, I can assure you that it is.

More often than not, blog posts are completed after Maelie goes to bed around 8 p.m. If I have an idea for a good post, it’s usually not an issue, but on some nights, it’s all I can do to force myself

to stay awake to pull some thoughts from somewhere that are worthy of sharing.

I don’t want it to become an obligation or, worse, take away my love of writing.

That. Would. Stink.

And completely defeat the purpose of the blog in the first place.

So I’m thinking of going down to six d ays

a week. Thinking about it… not doing it yet.

And the main reason I’m only thinking about it is because I don’t want to let myself down. I said I would do something…and I want to follow through.

But I also need to be realistic.

Thursdays are (now) officially dedicated to having a coffee date with you all. 😉 I really look forward to writing on Thursdays.

So I’m thinking about one day a week just sharing a verse or two that God gives me.

Or…maybe something else. Any ideas?

Thanks for reading. You bless me just by being here.

:)

Sig

Filed Under: where I am, writing

Grace

April 9, 2011 by · 2 Comments

The whole concept of grace has co me

up often in my life lately.

First, I was convicted several times about showing grace to others, especially to those I don’t often agree with.

Then, I read two really well-written, thought-provoking posts about it within days of each other. They both echoed so well the thoughts that had been swirling around in my mind.

I spent a few days processing the whole topic and decided maybe today was a good day for it. And honestly, my thoughts only begin to scratch the surface of what’s going on in my heart…but they’re a start.

Several years ago I sang a song, Grace, with another girl at church. The song itself isn’t really my style, but at the same time,

the words and message of it are so good.

So. Good.

Grace

Lord, as I seek Your guidance for the day,
I find my thoughts unyielding, confusion clouds my way.
But then when I bow to You, the challenges You guide me through,
Your promises are ever new, I claim them for today.

Your will can not lead me where Your grace will

not keep me,
Your hand will protect me, I rest in Your care.
Your eyes will watch over me, Your love will forgive me,
And when I am faltering, I still will find You there.

Each new day’s design is charted by Your hand
And graciously revealed as I seek Your Master plan.
Keep my steps faithful when from you I go,
Return me to the joy that Your blessings can bestow.

Your will cannot lead me where Your grace will not keep me,
Your hand will protect me, I rest in Your care.
Your eyes will watch over me, Your love will forgive me,
And when I am faltering I still will find You there.

Wow.

So, if this is Grace…the Grace that has been so freely, amazingly, lavished on me…what kind of Grace I am I showing to others

?

I often discuss and complain about the lack of grace I felt growing up in a fundamental Baptist church and while attending a conservative Baptist college.

Life was a series of rules and expectations…and there was not room to mess up, to question…really, to even wonder.

That life threw me for a loop and made me want to do a 180.

I don’t think I ever really flipped completely, but I definitely looked for ways to feed my “rebellious” streak without actually hurting anyone.

I pierced my belly button because I could. I went to movies because I could. I listened to whatever music I wanted because I could.

And I laugh when I look back because none of those things were wrong…they just went against what I had been told was acceptable. However, the attitude of my heart was wrong. And I never really desired to do “bad” things…I just desired to be me.

Because God’s Grace gives me the freedom to be who He has created me to be.

It gives each of us that freedom.

Over time, Tobin and I have come to where we stand on things. These choices and decisions would disappoint some people, but we came to the conclusion that we’re done trying to please others. That is not, nor has it ever been, the purpose of a relationship with God.

And in that choosing, I think I let my mind become intolerant of those with whom I strongly disagreed, specifically those who are more conservative. It isn’t like I found pleasure in ridiculing or making fun of them.

Honestly, I just thought they were crazy for not being able to see.

And a few weeks ago I was smacked upside the head with just how wrong and sinful that mindset is.

It has long frustrated me that I have felt so judged in the past for choices that I have made, never fully comprehending that I’ve been subconsciously…or not…judging others in the same way.

Sometimes I wonder…what the world would look like with a lot less judgment and a lot more grace.

Or a lot less hatred and a lot more love. Or a lot less me and a lot more Him.

He guides me; He keeps me; He gives new promises each day. He watches over me; He forgives me; when I mess up, He’s still there. He gives joy. He blesses.

All of these, and so much more, are Grace.

He bestows it to me each and every day.

The least I can do is show this Grace in return.

Father, thank you for Grace, the Grace that you show me each and every day.

Thank you for not taking away that Grace when I fail to show others the same.

Change that in me…make my life a reflection of You, of all You’ve given, of Your perfect Love.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, encouragement, what I'm learning, where I am

Late Afternoon Caffeine

April 7, 2011 by · 1 Comment

It’s Thursday.

Three Thursdays in a row means that this is now tradition…right?

And I’m still drinking decaf, so for me, this is late afternoon NON caffeine. But that’s ok…it’s the whole sipping something fro m a

mug

while we chat thing that counts…right?

We were gone all day, from 8 am until after 3 pm. That’s a long time to be gone from home with an almost-ten-month-old. I have to admit that she was a trooper and did well and even took a cat nap for about 45 minutes.

I’ll take it. (And here’s hoping, at 4 pm, we’ve got another of those cat naps coming. She’s. SO. Tired.)

Today I’m drinking out of my very HUGE Starbucks mug. This one was a gift from a friend who went to Scotland. The thing holds 20 oz…which today translates into something that will require me to get up for a refill less often.

I’m drained, not gonna lie. I’ve never had such a crappy feeling week.

The good news is that, for the most part, I think I’m over the worst.

Hallelujah! And thanks to those of you who prayed. :)

Maelie and I were out the door by 8 am this morning to head to church because today was the big Indonesia Day at Bible Study. It was fun.

:) I made pisang goreng (fried banana) and my friends wore sarongs. They took an Indonesian quiz…which I have to admit was not very nice of me, but they were good sports.

Then I sho wed them our video and

we did some Q and A time. It was good…I really loved being able to share that part of my life with people who mean a lot to me.

I did find yesterday emotionally exhausting, though, as I went over in detail, really, the last five years. Wow.

No, WOW!!!

Sometimes it feels so surreal. To have had the privilege to be part of something like that…not just the living in another culture part, but being in the middle of all the cool things God was (and still is) doing there.

Even though I don’t look back on those five years and long to do them again, I’m so very grateful for the gift of Indonesia and the amazing memories we have. And for the gift of being here right now. Maybe that’s the biggest lesson I took away from our time there…to love the here and now and live it fully.

After Bible Study this morning, Maelie and I stayed at church for an organ recital played by our sweet friend, Kris. I’d never been to an organ recital before…it was impressive. I’m pretty sure I’ll never be able to multitask enough

to play that instrument.

Kris did a great job! And I have to brag a bit on my girl, too…who managed to sit through the whole thing.

She did so well…adding her own little touches to the whole thing. A couple coos here and there and one LARGE burp between songs, of course. Her daddy would have been proud. Her mommy was just mortified for a few seconds…and then I couldn’t stop laughing. I sure hope it didn’t ruin the meditative mood for those around us.

Then after the recital we grabbed some lunch and coffee with a friend at the place I blogged about not too long ago, Cafe Firefly. Maelie took a short nap, Alison and I chatted for awhile, then it was home for us.

Mae and I never stay out that long…I’m amazed she lasted without turning into a sobbing, tired mess.

Good for my girl…maybe there’s still hope for her and coffee dates.

:)

Taco Bell for dinner tonight. I have not done much cooking this week, and honestly, I can’t wait to crawl into bed tonight just as soon as the girl is asleep, too. Anyone else think Taco Bell is some of the best cheap fast food you can find? Granted, it’s not that good for you, but I don’t get the really-bad-for-you-full-of-fat-stuff…just the this-has-lots-of-calories-so-I-need-to-run-soon stuff. There is a difference, right

?

Ok, enough chit chat.

So, I am still being tested in the area of patience. We’re still waiting on the house, and I’m being forced to accept the fact that we may be waiting for awhile. The bank isn’t in a hurry to process anything…and I’m starting to feel anxious about things.

It’s a daily struggle for me to give it to God and to not feel that discouragement each time I see someone stop to pick up a flier from the sign in our front yard. But He knows…exactly who should live here, and we believe with all our hearts that it’s us. And that has to be enough reassurance for now. (And I must admit, as completely wrong as this sounds, I get a small amount of pleasure each time the dogs pee on the for sale sign…) :)

Maelie wore the sweetest little Bali dress today to Bible Study while I wore my Indonesian kebaya. So I’ll end with this picture that I just love…I think it’s so great that we can pass on little pieces of Indo to her even if she can’t be there to experience it. Someday. :) (It’s blurry, too close, and overexposed…but I still love it…something about how happy we both look.)

Thanks for joining me. Have a wonderful, caffeinated evening. 😉

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, coffee, friends, Maelie, where I am

Another Chance At Beautiful

April 3, 2011 by · 3 Comments

Before I even start writing today, I have to admit that

I’m surprised I’m attempting something so deep while my head is this foggy. (Yes, folks, cold #4! We are now blaming it on: a) a lack of a flu shot; and b) readjusting to American germs.)

Sure, works for me. 😀

And now that I’ve gotten that out there (mostly so you can all feel sorry for me…just kidding ;)) I’ll continue with the nitty-gritty honesty that is about to ensue.

It’s pretty gritty…just a warning.

*********************************

I w as

not really a cute girl.

I mean, as a baby/toddler/elementary student, sure. I had the cutes…most kids do. I’m actually totally in love with this super cheesy picture of me from around age 4.

I just think it captures who I am…even now. Someone who loves life, who’s willing to smile even when they hate their clothes (ICK!) and hair…true, oh-so-true, and who will add a little cheese to life…I do plenty of that.

But as a pre-teen and teenager, I hated the way I looked. I was not fat by any stretch of the imagination, but I wasn’t a stick-thin, size zero, either. I didn’t have the athletic ability to be a superstar or the name, which is what often determines the success of an athlete in a small town.

I was socially awkward and a nerd…and didn’t know what to do about it.

I struggled with friendships and longed with everything in me to be one of the cool kids.

I wanted so, so badly to be

Beautiful.

Nothing in me was even remotely close to it. I never had the right haircut, the right clothes, or the right people to think I might be. In fact, the only picture I have of me during that time is this one. Just check out that perm…can we scream, “90’s!” really loud, all together now?! Geez…I can’t believe I paid money for that. Ugh.

Eventually I “grew up” (haha, I know you’re all thinkin’ it! :D) and went to college, met my wonderful man, got married, had some adventures, and had my amazing baby girl.

And during that period of growing up, of course the true concept of beauty began to weave its way into my heart.

I know, now, that it isn’t the clothes I wear or what my hair looks like, although I’d like to think I’ve improved somewhat in those areas. :) I know, too, that it’s not about being friends with the cool people, although I think my friends are the absolute best! And that it’s not about driving the coolest car (although we rock the Dodge Caravan…they should soooo hire us for a commercial…) or having the most expensive house or things.

We all know that true beauty is on the inside.

But what does that beauty look like? I’ve been sorting out that concept in my head for a couple days. And came to the conclusion that

I am not beautiful.

I get jealous,

I get irritated, I get impatient. I get mean, I say things I shouldn’t, I get selfish. I mean, not all the time…but those things? They are present in my life now and then.

And it’s ugly.

I think the most amazing beauty emerges when a person is handed something ugly and chooses to make it beautiful.

My life…was ugly. Full of sin, brokenness, and anger.

I could go into minute details, but those of you closest to me don’ t need

them because you already know.

When I was sixteen, I was about as broken as a person could be…and for all purposes, abandoned, alone to sort out the mess that my life had become.

And then…I look. At the following sixteen years, and how God redeemed. How He fixed cracks and glued pieces and made things new out of shards of shatteredness.

He took a life that looked hopeless and gave me a reason to hope.

That’s beautiful.

He didn’t make everything perfect or the pain go away.

Instead, He taught me that there is beauty when we choose to rise above pain and make something out of it. But not on our own…in HIS strength.

And each day I have the choice to be

Beautiful.

A choice to put aside feelings of anger and jealousy and let the love of God control me and what goes on in my heart and actions.

To let Him take the pieces and use them for His glory.

Every single day I have

Another chance at beautiful.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, encouragement, remembering, what I'm learning, where I am

Open

April 1, 2011 by · Leave a Comment

Ok…no idea where this post is really going, but for the first time in several weeks, I feel the words…

Burning.

Returning.

Ready to fly.

So here we go!

A couple weeks ago I was chatting with a friend, and she informed that I’m the most open person she knows. I was slightly taken aback by this…not offended…but definitely surprised.

It wasn’t that her comment made me upset…but it must have hit a buried nerve because I immediately jumped in to defend myself.

Because according to me at the time,

I was not open…there were far more things I could be sharing that I was choosing to keep private!

And I cited a few examples, then we chatted a bit more about it, and then moved on to something else.

The conversation didn’t really bug me, but I haven’t really forgotten about it. Occasionally it will creep up to nag at me and make me want to blog about the color of my walls instead

of the color of my heart.

Then today, I read a quote on Twitter that stopped me in my blogging tracks.

And I am totally stealing it. 😉

My naive approach to authenticity often led to my assuming everyone wore heart-covered sleeves like mine.

Holy cow, the light goes on!

Not just on but EXPLOSIVELY, SPOTLIGHT, IN-MY-FACE, ON!

I. Get. It. I am open. And authentic. And I totally rock a fashion statement that I unknowingly expect everyone else to follow.

Authenticity is a scary thing…to be real, to splash those feelings out, to go to that proverbial place of honesty and heart pouring…the place in which I live all the time and share on my blog some of the time.

But the thing is… this is my space.

It’s probably the only place in the world where I am truly me all the time…pure, honest-to-goodness, everything-out-on-the-table, wiping-away-tears-as-I-let-my-heart-go…Mel.

It’s me…who I was, who I am, who I’m becoming, who I hope to someday be.

So I’ m no longer afraid of being open or authentic.

And I’ ll wear those hearts because they depict who I am.

(And cause I think they’re cool. ;))

And I’ll choose to embrace the fact that, though my life is a mostly open book, that’s a good thing.

Read away.

Love you all.

Sig

Filed Under: encouragement, what I'm learning, where I am, writing
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