Complete

April 3, 2012 by · 7 Comments

So I posted a song yesterday.

Before I read my devotions for today.

You’ll never guess what it was about. :)

So, I’m gonna talk about that for awhile…I know you don’t mind. :)

A huge part of my personality is the fact that I am very social. I need to be around people often, otherwise I go stir-crazy. (And often get pretty crabby.) It’s just the way I’m wired…I get my energy from being around friends and my hubby and (of course!) my wonderfully social and amazingly talkative daughter.

One thing I’ve noticed is that because I get so much energy (and JOY) from people around me, it’s very easy to find my worth in them. What they think of me is important, often more than it should be…

And as a result, sometimes I look to them to feel complete.

That can be a tall order for a human to fill.

I often think of the day I married Tobin…August 3, 2002. I still remember so many details of it, from the donut I had for breakfast to my awesome hair. (Is it bad that my hair was probably my favorite part of the day?!) And from being sneaky and putting my garter on AFTER the ceremony so I wouldn’t have to wear it to completely losing it when we were dismissing guests and I said goodbye to my adopted parents from college. (I had to sneak into the bathroom to redo my makeup! ;))

Good or bad, those memories make up the day when I was sure that I had everything I would ever need now that I had married Tobin.

Without realizing it, I’d called up a pretty tall order for him.

How does a human possibly have it in them to complete another?

They don’t.

Over the years, Tobin and I have had a lot of mountains and valleys. When you throw four houses, three cities, two countries, and one baby into almost ten years of marriage…it’s to be expected.

I’d often find myself feeling empty whenever we were struggling. This person…the one I had expected to be everything that I didn’t have in me…wasn’t following through.

Wasn’t being what I needed to feel complete.

And yet, I know that I can’t look to people to be what completes me. We all know that.

But knowing it and believing it are two different things.

This is some of what I read this morning…

“…In Me you have everything.”

“…Since I am infinite and abundantly accessible to you, desiring Me above all else is the best way to live.”

“…It is impossible for you to have a need that I cannot meet.”

Firm…but gentle…reminders of

All that He is.

And all that I’m not.

And all that my friends and family cannot be.

Because He wants to be IT…what completes me.

Just where my heart is today.

Thanks for reading. :)

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, marriage, remembering, Tobin, what I'm learning, where I am

Life in 700ish Words or Less

March 29, 2012 by · 2 Comments

Maybe tomorrow I’ll switch things up and have hot chocolate or something, but I’m just feelin’ the coffee thing this week. It could be that I’m just tired and desperately trying to keep my eyes open…last night was interesting.

I actually fell asleep pretty early (for me) last night…around 10:30. I slept great until around 4:30 when Mae woke up crying. I checked on her and realized the poor girl, who’d been having tummy issues the day before, had blown through another diaper…all over her pj’s, all over her sheets. (Thankfully NOT all over her blanket and stuffed animals.)

She was so sad and miserable that I just wanted to pick her up and snuggle her, but I had to clean her up first, which took enough time. Once she was in a dry diaper and clean pj’s, we had time to cuddle…oh, it was wonderful, even if it was at 4:30 a.m. 😉

I am completely convinced that Mae is now making up for all the snuggling she didn’t do as an infant. She’s a cuddly sweetheart, and I gladly oblige.

Thankfully, after a song or two and some snuggly moments, she went down again with just a few tears. I threw in a load of laundry and crashed again for a couple of hours.

And while my daughter slept til almost nine and woke up rarin’ to go, I didn’t.

It was kind of a blah, drink-a-pot-of-coffee, kind of morning. Thankfully we had plans to meet a friend at the park for an hour or so. Even though the weather was only upper 40’s, the sun was shining, it was a gorgeous day, and Mae and I both had a great time…though she needs to understand that one needs to SIT properly before trying to go down a slide. 😉

When we left the park, I swung by Target to get some Pedialyte to help her tummy. (She thinks it’s juice…I’ll just let her think that for awhile. ;)) Then we headed home for our usual. Lunch, play, stories, snack, nap.

I know I say it all the time, but I feel completely blessed to be able to stay home with my daughter. I love soaking up the simple moments that make our days.

Next week I’m going to start taking guitar lessons from a friend. I’m excited. Yes, it’s one of my 12 in 2012, but I’m excited to potentially progress beyond the self-taught, I-can’t-play-bar-chords, level at which I currently am. I’d really love to play for praise team sometime…I guess we’ll see. At any rate, I’m looking forward to it. :)

So y’all read my post yesterday about the Reese’s eggs? Yeah. I forgot to mention I sorta love jellybeans, too. I am really, really thankful that I waited til less than two weeks before Easter to cave. Less time to consume so much sugar.

So…just a blogging pet peeve of mine. Also, one that proves that though I am very fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants and easygoing, I do have perfectionistic tendencies. WordPress is slowly killin’ me, I think…their formatting for archives is atrocious. Pretty much anything that is even a few weeks old is completely messed up. (Please don’t go look.)

So my goal for April is to update what needs to be updated (which I’m not great about), find a new layout for the blog (which I’m excited about), and try not to care as much (which I’m not sure I can do).

Ugh. Everytime I look at older things I’ve written I just cringe.

And, yet, it reminds me that sometimes things in life are just what they are. We have to accept them and keep going with life and not let ourselves worry and fret over what we can’t change.

God has been teaching me so much lately about trusting Him with things…doing what I can and leaving the rest to Him. It’s cliche, but it’s true.

He does have it figured out.

I know I keep quoting Jesus Calling, but the devotion for today was so exactly where I am.

Maybe it’ll bless you, too. :)

“A life lived close to Me is not complicated or cluttered. When your focus is on My Presence, many things that once troubled you lose their power over you. Though the world around you is messy and confusing, remember that I have overcome the world.”

I love the reminders He gives, just when we need them. :)

G’nite!

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, coffee, encouragement, just life, Maelie, what I'm learning, where I am

Yes, I Drink Caffeine at Night. Sometimes Late.

March 21, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Hi, my name is Mel, and I’m a coffee addict.

I know that’s shocking news to all of you.

So it’s 9 p.m…and a pot of coffee kind of night. Or at least a cup.

It wasn’t a bad one at all…it was actually a really good day.

But I don’t feel like I’ve sat down much…so bring on a cup ‘o joe, my pj pants, and some quality time for me and the blog!

I like to chat about life…what’s up, what’s down, what I’m learning, how He’s working. So let’s talk about that, k? And hopefully, I’ll get through the conversation on just one cup of coffee because, really, I shouldn’t be drinking more than that this late.

Even coffee addicts need sleep. 😉

What’s up? Lots of stuff.

My days are full of Mae…she is such the sunshine. It’s melts my heart and makes me smile really big to see the way she blesses the lives of people around her. She is JOY and random hellos and handshakes and hugs and complete love all rolled up into a pretty stinkin’ cute, albeit slightly-messy-haired, little girl.

And I am incredibly blessed to spend my days with her.

The temperature lately has been UP…therefore my desire for a tan has been elevated, too. :) Truthfully, I’m not the sun worshipper I used to be, but, hey, if there can actually be a tan in March, why not?! I got some good color in Spain and have been able to keep it thanks to Chicago’s glorious, eight consecutive, days of 80’s and sunny.

Love.

The weather has been completely awesome for running, too…I can’t remember ever going for an early morning run in March in a tank top and shorts. Ever. That is motivation enough to get me out of bed at 6:15. Truthfully, I like running in the morning just for the simple fact that I’m done for the day. I don’t particularly like “looking forward” to running because I don’t really “look forward” to running. :) But I like the way I feel after, so I guess that’s a good tradeoff.

What’s down?

Certainly not gas prices. Ugh. But I don’t want to analyze those too much.

The amount of time that Maelie naps during the day is definitely down. I’ve seen this coming…she’s slowly cutting back on her afternoon napping…secretly, I think she just wants to play outside more. :) I have to accept the fact that she’s almost two…it’s the inevitable. Rats…I was hoping she’d take four hour naps til she was six…like her mommy did. True.

But what ISN’T down is her energy level. She just goes and goes and goes. And I think people fall in love with her because she’s so outgoing and loving and just…crazy, big-hearted, Mae. I love her oodles for it, even when I wish she’d sit down for two minutes. 😉

What I’m learning?

Tons…where to even begin.

I’m looking forward to learning more about the wonderfully crazy journey of parenting at Mom’s Bible study. We’re starting a new book, and I really am looking forward to it. I love being a mommy, but I also know that there’s a lot of godly wisdom out there that will help me become much better at it.

I guess this one ties into the next one…

What’s He doing?

I mentioned a few days ago that I bought the book Jesus Calling for my Kindle.

Came across this a couple days ago. I found it challenging, convicting, and, truthfully, I am still chewing on it. I want to process it more with you all, but now is not the time.

But I’ll leave you with it because it’s that good.

“Holiness is letting Me live through you. Since I dwell in you, you are fully equipped to be holy. Pause before responding to people or situations, giving My Spirit space to act through you. Hasty words and actions leave no room for Me; this is atheistic living. I want to inhabit all your moments–gracing your thoughts, words, and behavior.”

Wow.

G’nite, friends.

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, coffee, encouragement, just life, Maelie, running, what I'm learning, where I am

Found

March 18, 2012 by · 6 Comments

I had kind of an aha! moment the other day.

Well, at least it was aha! for me…and maybe you can relate. Or maybe not. Either way, I’ll share. :)

So, a little background…

When I signed up for facebook several years ago, I was pretty tight with my security settings. And over the years, my hubby has made sure that I keep them updated.

That’s because I don’t want people knowing everything about me.

In fact, if you go and try to find me on Facebook, chances are you won’t just by typing in my name. (Unless we’re already friends.)

That’s because  I don’t want to be found.

I thought about that the other day as I searched for a friend on facebook and couldn’t find her.

I often put up walls. I have for years. In my mind, I think that if there are walls and people can’t get in, then I’m safe. This has worked well in the Facebook world, for the most part. In real life,  I have really tried to let them down and have succeeded, for the most part. I want those relationships…those friendships.

But what about in my relationship with my Father?

Over the past few days, I’ve stopped to consider those walls that I’ve unintentionally (or, sometimes intentionally) built to keep Him out, to keep His Word from penetrating my heart.

I attended a Baptist Bible college for five years.

A small glimpse of what that entailed: more Bible classes than non-Bible classes, intense study of the ten main doctrines, hundreds of memorized verses, chapel every day, many papers, hours upon hours of Bible reading, sometimes weekly.

To be blunt, all-things-Bible were crammed down my throat.

And that led up to me building some serious walls around my heart.

The Bible became my textbook…and therefore, was anything but what I wanted when I actually had some down time.

That makes me really sad.

And I noticed a pattern, as I left the Bible college world and went out on my own.

It became easy to gloss over verses, never really taking them to heart. It was even easier to scan a chapter to “say” I’d read my Bible for the day. It was easier than ever to have an emotional moment with a few verses and then move on, forgetting what made me think, going on with my day.

That’s been my problem for the last ten-or-so years…

I’ve put up walls, never letting my Father in.

And in some ways, by putting up those walls, I ran from Him, never wanting Him to find me. To assure me of His love and compassion and grace and sovereignty and power…and, really, the list could go on.

I feel weak admitting these things…knowing in my heart that it’s been a much bigger battle than I’ve ever let on.

But I also know something…that He is bigger than those walls. And despite the fact that I ran, He always held me…keeping me in His care even when I didn’t always want to be there.

I confessed this to you…but I also want to be honest and say that in our searching over the past, almost-two years…God has changed me. I can’t explain it all in a day…I can just tell you that He’s more real than He’s ever been. He’s teaching me about Love and truly living for Him.

And in His power, I’m trying to do those things.

I don’t have it all figured out…but today I know I’m found by Him.

The truth is, He never really lost me.

And that’s pretty amazing.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, church, encouragement, remembering, what I'm learning, where I am

Mommy Lessons from the Playground

March 15, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

So, we’re technically not coffee-dating today, but that’s ok. It’s far too nice outside to even think of drinking something hot. (But I am having a Diet Coke while I write, just in case you’re interested. ;))

It’s so beautiful, in fact, that I went with some friends and all their kiddos to the park for lunch after Bible study.

Maelie loves the park. I love the sunshine. So it works.

However, today was a challenge.

You see, I have been blessed with a fearless, independent, personality-oozing daughter…who I do believe will conquer the world of Survivor someday. Or whatever reality show requires the most nerve at the time.

We hadn’t been to this particular park since early last fall, when she was just taking off…no pun intended…with walking. 😉 So, other than chase her around the grass, I hadn’t dealt with Maelie and the “big kid playground” yet.

We got there before her friends arrived, and I gave her a few minutes to play before we ate. She shot up that play structure faster than I could have…and went right for the dropoff with the climbing wall. I had chased her up and caught her arm just before she took the six foot plunge to the ground.

Crazy, sweet kid.

But she was mad.

And determined to play on this playground just like the kids who were older than she is.

I managed to detour her interests with McDonald’s for awhile, but she hadn’t forgotten about that humongo slide like I’d hoped she would.

The thing is…I knew I needed to let go.

To let her play, run, be a kid. Learn the hard lessons that come with bruises and scrapes and falls.

That’s life.

But my mommy heart ached to the very depths, and I just couldn’t.

So I followed her…up and down that playground equipment probably ten times. Each time, she’d look toward the drop off but turn and go down the slide.

After awhile she lost interest and busied herself with things closer to the ground. While I silently rejoiced…

After trying out the rocking dinosaur, climbing on a park bench, and walking up and down a hill several times, she was ready to go back to the slide.

I almost couldn’t handle it…and this is where I have to be honest with you.

I don’t want to let go of my daughter.

Already.

Because independence and fearlessness and a love of trying new things means that

She is growing up.

More quickly than I want, with more guts than I was prepared to handle.

I processed it out with a sweet friend who was willing to listen and let me cry and offer advice…and she assured me that all moms go through this at one level or another.

And as we talked…my daughter climbed.

She climbed…with a pause to jump on the little wiggly bridge (does that thing have a name?!)…to the top. She’d stop, look over the edge, then sit and fly down the slide as fast as she could.

Wheeeeeeee!

And I continued to be close…as I watched her do this over and over. Watched her because she is 21 months old. She could do something dangerous, and I wanted to be there to catch her.

But eventually, I won’t be there.

And when I’m not, the only thing I can hope and pray is that she’ll make the right choice. The one that comes from the things she’s learned as she’s growing up.

But my job?

Is to let her go.

Just a little right now.

And trust that it’ll all be ok.

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, just life, Maelie, what I'm learning, where I am

Mel’s Rules for Moving to Illinois

March 3, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

I came across this today as I was sorting through old documents.

According to the last time I updated it, it was written two days after we moved here, on July 30, 2010. I suspect I was feeling lonely, Maelie was napping, and I needed something to do since we had no internet.

I smiled as I read through it…felt a little guilty, but mostly happy.

The way God provides is amazing…and reading this made me so very thankful for the blessings He’s given.

Oh, and I added my commentary ’cause I knew you’d want my reflections. 😉

Mel’s Rules for Moving to Illinois

1. Spend money on the bedroom. It is the place Tobin and I connect and share our most intimate moments. It is worth every single penny. Ok, ok so this one took quite awhile. But we did eventually follow through.

2. It is not wrong to have a most amazing kitchen, especially if it was already that way when we moved in…so don’t feel guilty about it. Success…I feel zero guilt and mostly love for my kitchen. Especially since there are no cockroaches hiding in the silverware drawer. :)

3. Take walks every day and meet my neighbors. (Plus I have that annoying baby weight I need to get rid of anyway…) We did take a lot of walks but that wasn’t really how we met our neighbors…they mostly came to say hi if we were outside. And the baby weight? Well, it took a lot more than walking! 😉

4. Don’t hide behind a closed door and wish for what I can’t have anymore. Thankfully this only happened for a few weeks before I was rescued by an incredible friend. I learned that, having an infant, it was very easy to hide but that I didn’t want to. And once I had a way to not hide, it was pretty easy to open the door.

5. Allow myself a Starbucks or Caribou once a week. Take Maelie and go, looking for someone to talk to. Don’t wait for someone else to initiate the conversation. I’ve definitely made a few friends in coffee shops…and I’ve probably allowed myself more than one coffee a week, too! I maintain that a coffee shop is a great place to find friends. :)

6. Make finding a good church a priority. Don’t sleep in on Sundays and “wait til next week”. (I laugh because there was no such thing as sleeping in ever with Maelie. I’m thankful that, after trying out a few places, God provided the best place for us. We love our church. :))

7. Post pictures of life for friends back in my other “homes”. I’m not a big picture-poster, but I do a decent job through the blog, I think. I’m still not great at keeping in touch, but if someone writes me, I will almost always respond.

8. Update my status on Facebook more often. Epic. Fail. However, I am not a person who wants the world to know what I ate for breakfast or who I’m currently annoyed with. I update it when there’s something to share. :)

9. Find a mom’s group, preferably one that meets at parks so the kids can play. Sunshine is good…especially when I haven’t seen it for several weeks.

LOVE. My mom’s group kinda found me…and I’m forever grateful. Bonus…it’s a mom’s Bible study, which I needed and wanted and was scared to hope for. AND they meet at parks in the summer. :) I love how God gives us desires we’re scared to admit we have.

10. Crying is ok…for a little while. But part of moving on is accepting that things have changed. I did cry for awhile…and the day I decided to like it here was the day I wasn’t sad anymore. I decided that change can bring some of the biggest blessings God has for us, if we’re willing to accept it.

11. True friends will always be there, whether I live down the block or across the world. Don’t be afraid to make some new ones—the old ones aren’t going anywhere. Enough said. :)

12. Give myself some grace in this time of transition. Stop expecting perfection from myself and others. I don’t know how I did on this one…but I know I’m thankful for the people who love me despite my imperfections.

:)

God is GOOD.

Sig

Filed Under: adventures, blessings, culture shock, encouragement, friends, just life, remembering, what I'm learning, where I am

A Heavy Sort of Morning

February 24, 2012 by · 2 Comments

It’s a heavy sort of morning.

Outside, the blanket of white beauty that fell overnight makes the world a little prettier. The tree branches bending under the weight of their icy frosting make the scene outside my window look much more like a photograph than reality.

But it’s real…and a very real reminder to my heart this morning.

A few hours ago a dear sister from a decade ago went in for surgery, the doctors hoping to correct the problem with seizures she’s been having, their frequency and severity increasing. It’s a delicate surgery, and the snow covering the world reminds me of the blanket of prayer in which she’s wrapped.

God is Good…and He will be just that regardless of the outcome. But this pastor’s wife and mama to two precious girls has so much living to do…and we all pray that she will be able to do just that. KS, you are in my heart and prayers today and in the days to come.

Another dear, lifelong friend is aching and hurting so much right now. In so many ways, she is my hero. The Proverbs 31 woman, a fantastic mommy to her wonderful and beautiful children…and the ache in her is something I can’t fix.

That kills me.

All I can do is pray. He has already wrapped her in prayer and love. She is loved…so loved. And we trust in His goodness even when we don’t see purpose.

And still another dear friend faces unknown. I ache for that unknown, for I am still learning trust. But her strength and joy encourage me, a daily reminder of the Grace in which she walks.

Today I am reminded that just as the blanket of snow outside makes everything a little prettier, so is His Love.

It makes things beautiful.

He hears prayer, He calms troubled hearts, and He proves over and

over that He is Love.

And that He is Good.

It is in that blanket that I wrap myself today.

And the one I hope you find yourself covered in, too.

Sig

Filed Under: friends, just life, prayer, what I'm learning, where I am

Morning Thoughts

February 21, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

It is an extremely rare day that I blog before noon. Even rarer, before 9 a.m.

Mae is up for the morning, having her breakfast, watching her “Melmo”. (Elmo ;))

I’ve showered and am sitting down with a rather strange combination of morning goodies…my Airborne drink to (hopefully) keep on keepin’ this cold away; my oatmeal, with chocolate chips of c

ourse; and a cup of coffee. (With this amazing York Peppermint Patty creamer, since I know you’re all wondering!)

I had a good chat with a friend yesterday that provided a pretty enlightening moment for me.

See, I tend to be a burden carrier.

My heart takes the hurts and burdens of others, carries them around…and that eventually starts wearing me down as a person.

There are a lot of people in my life right now who are hurting. I want to be there for them. I ache for them. I cry for them. I lose sleep for them.

It’s the way my heart works.

Some people are easily able to give their burdens to the Father…I struggle with that. I want to but often find it hard to trust.

I processed that with her a little yesterday and left the conversation realizing that there’s a difference between letting burdens weigh me down and having compassion like Jesus did.

Last night I got a phone call from a dear friend, and she shared some heartbreaking news. I think I felt my heart break, and I could feel that I was weighing myself down once again. My mind raced, and I wondered what I could do to help…and her response was simple.

Please, just pray. It’s what we need right now.

Prayer. Giving it to God. Laying those things at His feet, knowing and trusting completely that He has it all figured out.

I am working on that…on not carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. On giving things to Him.

Still allowing myself to ache and cry…and love completely.

Because that’s compassion.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30

I love His promises, and this morning, this one is precious.

Sig

Filed Under: encouragement, friends, just life, prayer, what I'm learning, where I am

God Moments

February 12, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

I love those moments when I know that God is speaking to me. And it’s always pretty cool to see how He speaks, too.

I’ve been singing this son

g for weeks…in my head, in the shower, in the car…and probably other places, too. 😉

What’s funny about it is that I seriously haven’t heard it since I was in college, and I don’t have it on CD or iTunes. It’s just still in my head. :)

So it was a bit of a surprise, flash-back moment, but definitely a cool one, too, when I logged into Facebook tonight and saw that one of my best friends had posted the lyrics of it.

God moment?

I think so.

And as I read over them, they challenged me. Maybe they’ll challenge you, too.

I will not offer anything that costs me nothing;
I’ll place before Him nothing less than my very best.


And if I’m called to sacrifice,
It will be worthy of my Christ;
I will not offer anything that costs me nothing.

Sig

Filed Under: music, what I'm learning, where I am

Trust

February 6, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

It’s three in the morning, and I’m still tossing.

Thankful that the couch is comfy, but clearly not enough for actual sleep. (Hubby is sick. We don’t sleep in the same bed when one of us is sick. Just sayin’. ;))

The sound of his occasional cough is the only sound that breaks the silence of the night.

And my mind wanders.

I cry for a friend who is hurting. I worry about my own struggles.

I wonder what the future might hold…and that thought scares me.

I ache for people I love and miss on the other side of the globe.

And I think about these things over and over and over while I continually turn from one side to the other, flipping my pillow every few minutes because the cold side is always the best side.

This goes on for hours, I’m sure.

At one point I fumble for my cell phone and see 3:47 flash at me.

Really?

I talk to Him about the same things I’ve been sharing for the past few hours…staring into the darkness, hoping that maybe this prayer will be the one that finally gives me some sleep.

And it is in the darkness that I hear Him say,

Trust. Trust Me, for I have already been there.

In that dark, silent room…where I’m sure the clock would read somewhere in the 4’s… I finally begin to understand.

It is in the darkness that I must learn to

Trust.

Sig

Filed Under: what I'm learning, where I am
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