My God-Sized Dream: A Letter to My Sister

April 30, 2013 by · 34 Comments

Encouraging words from others help recharge us too. So take this “do what you can” step for your God-sized dream: Write a letter of encouragement to another dreamer in your life.

Honestly, when I saw this week’s challenge, I hit a wall. In so many ways, there were a dozen people I wanted to write to; and in some ways, I felt as if the words were hiding…they just wouldn’t come. But the more I thought about it, the more I was reminded of this woman…my friend and practically-sister.

She may be a dreamer in a different way, but she inspires me every single day. I know she’ll inspire you, too.

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Dear Missy,

We are sisters, you and me. You’ve known me every single day of my life…you know it all…and, still, you choose to be my friend.

Do you remember those days? The ones when we chased each other between trees, sometimes climbed them, played Barbies, sang sometimes-off-key-and-always-loudly around the piano, put on plays…and between those things, told each other our dreams?

Always, always…your dreams were this: grow up, get married, have a family.

Absolutely beautiful dreams.

And those dreams? They became reality.

I missed your wedding…you walked down the aisle while I was traipsing through Amazon jungles. But I thought of you.

And I smiled.

A year and a half later, I sat on your couch and held J, just days old. Though she didn’t join your family in the way you may have expected, she was yours from the beginning, beautiful, and belonging in every way.

I smiled again.

And then I got married, and the day before the wedding you told me about L, growing in your tummy. (Do you remember that I jumped and squealed?)

Four more have followed since then…and now there are six amazing blessings who surround you with love.

I smile even bigger.

I didn’t smile the day you told me. I cried buckets for you as you watched the other half of your dream walk away from it all…leaving hurt and confusion and a mess of wondering. But instead of watching you fall apart, I watched you, my brave and beautiful friend, pick up and go on, your faith strengthening with each step.

That made me smile.

Dear friend, the one who has more secrets on me than anyone, the one who knows of deep struggles, the one who has always been there even if the miles keep us apart…you have been a blessing and an inspiration to watch.

You have lived your dream…and lived it with a full embrace, even if it changed along the way.

You inspire me, your life speaks of Grace, you shine Him completely.

And that makes me smile.

Keep shining. Keep loving. Keep dreaming.

I love you, my sweet heart-sister.

In memory of Barbie bathtub fails, hidden tape recorders, and leading each other around blindfolded…

Mel

Missy&Mel

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Happy Tuesday, friends! As always, my dreaming sisters and I are linking up at the lovely Holley Gerth’s place…we hope you’ll join us and be encouraged by the words of some incredible, dream-chasing, women.

God-Sized Dreams

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, encouragement, family, friends, God-Sized Dreams, remembering, where I am, writing

My God-Sized Dream: The Play(ing)

April 23, 2013 by · 22 Comments

Not gonna lie. (And if you’ve been reading this space lately, this doesn’t come as a shock.)

It’s been a tough few weeks. Even months.

So when I saw Holley’s challenge for her God-Sized dreamers this week, I knew it was from God.

For next week: take this “do what you can” step for your God-sized dream…

Take some time to play.

Do something creative. Snap a picture. Build a Pinterest board. Make a craft. Read a book. Bake a treat. Wrestle with your kids. Whatever energizes you. It can be related to your God-sized Dream in some way or totally different. Sometimes along the way to our dreams we just need a little time to play. It helps us keep going and reminds us not to take ourselves too seriously.

I’m a creator.

I’m constantly doing something hands-on. In the last year I’ve painted several canvasses, made jewelry, taught myself to crochet some (in my opinion) adorable hats, figured out how to make glass pendants (thanks, Pinterest!) and baked (and eaten) waaaaay too many desserts.

While it’s fun to create, creating doesn’t exactly energize me. It fills time between chapters and blog posts and general moments, but I knew that to actually energize myself, I needed to play.

Or, actually go to A. Play. (heehee ;))

One of the local high schools was putting on the musical, Grease, this weekend, and I really wanted to go. But…confession: I didn’t want to go alone. I’m an extrovert, most of the time teetering toward the extreme end of it. Being alone doesn’t do a whole lot for me unless I’m really focused on accomplishing something.

So I put that thought to the side and, instead, decided to go with the being alone thing anyway and planned to take Sunday afternoon and grab a coffee, bum around a few stores, pick up some things for the (in)RL conference I’m hosting on Saturday, (local friends, it’s not too late to join!) and probably talk to everyone I see. :)

Kind of spur-of-the-moment, I shot a text to a friend, asking her if she’d like to come along.

She replied and said she already had plans to go to Grease, but would I like to join her and her daughter?

God thing. Completely.

So I did.

And for two plus hours, I got to laugh and sing along (in my head ;)) to some fun music. (Props to the cast, crew, and pit band from D-C. They were really incredible. :))

And after the musical, well…my friend still had some time. So we grabbed a Starbucks, wandered Target, and ate Culver’s.

It was an afternoon my soul needed so badly. I even came home with a smile on my face.

I don’t think focused is a word that too many people would use to describe me. I’m often easily distracted and a bit flighty…but I do have a side of me that gets far too serious about certain things and forgets to have fun, especially when there’s something I’m working for.

It was good for me to play. Or go to one, at least. :)

Happy Tuesday, my sweet friends! We’re linking up at Holley’s place, like we do each week. We’d love for you to join us!

God-Sized Dreams

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, friends, God-Sized Dreams, just life, where I am, writing

My God-Sized Dream: For Good

April 16, 2013 by · 18 Comments

Sometimes we feel alone not because we need to be with others but because God wants to be with us. Our lives are busy–especially when we’re pursuing a dream–and God may want to pull us aside for a bit.

{You’re Made for a God-sized Dream, Chapter Six}.

The most important part of any God-sized dream is the Giver of it. Set aside a particular time this week to be with Him–to pray, journal, take a walk or simply sit quietly and listen. 

I don’t do alone well.

Nor, still.

That is not something I’m proud of; it’s simply a fact.

I feel most energized, physically, when I’m out running around, doing things, surrounded by people.

But this season? Has been very different.

Lonely would be the word I would use to describe it.

Not so much the kind where I am never around people; more, the kind where I’m struggling with things I’m not able to process with those around me…

…thoughts of feeling like my broken past defines my future. ..

…and that it means I can’t be somebody because of where I came from.

Time alone with Him was long overdue.

So, in some ways, taking a set time to be with God was a good assignment for me this week; in other ways, I was dreading it.

And my time with Him didn’t come in a way I would have planned it, but instead in the form of an exhausted, emotional, late-Sunday-night drive. The kind where, the tears were so thick and blinding, I probably shouldn’t have been behind the wheel. 

But I needed to be with Him…in a place where I was sure it was just Him and me.

And maybe it’s where I found honesty and where He spoke…or, maybe, I listened.

I cried out to Him, literally, and somewhere near the McDonald’s on 25, He answered with this.

I’m Tired I’m worn…my heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes, I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed by the weight of this world

And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

I think that maybe…

Maybe…

On this journey to a dream, He is teaching me what it is I truly long for.

Let me see redemption win, let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn,
Cause I’m worn

True, I dream of writing a book. The initial words are on the paper. I’m (slowly) tweaking, starting to research book proposals…moving forward. I’m excited about it. 

But I think I dream of more…the kind that makes a difference, does something positive.

The kind of more that reflects His love, demonstrates His grace, screams of His redemption.

I want to know that He can take someone who is so broken and still use her for His good.

That’s what I dream of.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28 (NIV)

It’s Tuesday, and my dreaming sisters and I are linking up at our friend, Holley’s place. We’d love for you to join us!

God-Sized Dreams

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, encouragement, God-Sized Dreams, music, what I'm learning, where I am, writing

My God-Sized Dream: Dear Chihuahua,

April 9, 2013 by · 42 Comments

Dear Chihuahua of Fear,

I have some things I’d like to say to you.

You see, I know what it’s like to be chased by you, oh tiny, insignificant, annoying one.

Most mornings I wake up ready to go. I tie the laces of my running shoes, stretch, crank up my playlist, and get moving.

On my early morning run, I don’t usually notice if you’re there.

It could be that my playlist of praise is vastly overpowering your presence. Or, it could be that I’m simply too tired to notice that you might be trying to run me down.

But as I continue to run throughout my day, that’s when I notice you.

You nip at my heels when I continue dreaming dreams.

You chase me with your little two-inch-long legs if you think I’m moving closer to those dreams.

You bark with a sound that resembles a child’s squeaky toy, far more than a canine, at the very moments I’m finding my voice.

On the occasion that you sink your teeth in…oh, I’m sure you’re pretty proud.

But the thing is, Chihuahua, you’re little...in one swift kick, I can send you to the curb.*

I can outrun you…I’m pretty sure you can’t pull an 8:15 mile with those tiny little legs.

And when you bark? Well, I just turn up the praise a little louder and let my Father speak over the fear.

You may bite, sometimes. You may draw a little blood, make me cry…you may even leave a mark.

But, guess what?

Those emphasis-on-the-word-little marks are going to be nothing more than tiny battle wounds. Scars to remind me of overcoming and victory and the fact that

I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:13 (NIV)

It’s Tuesday, friends! Come on over to Holley’s place to check out how some incredible, God-Sized dreaming sisters are staring down the Chihuahuas of Fear in their own lives.

God-Sized Dreams

*My apologies to all chihuahua lovers; no chihuahuas were harmed in the writing of this post. 😉

Sig

Filed Under: adventures, encouragement, God-Sized Dreams, just life, what I'm learning, where I am, writing

My God-Sized Dream: The Why

April 2, 2013 by · 17 Comments

We’ve talked a lot about “what” your dream is and now it’s time to tackle the “why” behind it. Why is your dream worth pursuing, fighting for and seeing through no matter what happens?

I shared a few months ago about a dream God had given me.

To take my stories from Indonesia, the good and bad, the ugly and broken, the beautiful…and write a book.

Since sharing that initial dream, He’s done a lot in this heart. And while that dream is there, and being actively chased :), there’s been more defining…and maybe some heart-refining, too.

I’ve always loved to write and dreamed of writing a book, but that answer to “why” doesn’t completely cover it.

So…here’s the more honest answer. :)

It started with a blog, this space, in January of 2011. My husband and I had gone through an insane amount of change in the previous eight months…being in separate hemispheres for the last six weeks of my pregnancy, leaving Indonesia, the birth of our first child, readjusting to America, and relocating to a brand new city and state.

To be blunt, my head was spinning at a fast and furious, unable-to-focus, rate.

And this space became my haven…a place I hung out every day to share whatever it was that was going on in my heart and life…from the real of heartache and my inability to park a minivan, to the joy I felt over having coffee with a friend for the first time in six months and my confusion over why people wore boots over their jeans. 😉

America confused me, and I think I confused America.

And eventually those stories started to spill out, and God began to give glimpses of His goodness in the midst of ALL…despite the fact that everything I had always known no longer made sense.

Because it wasn’t about life making sense…it was about holding His hand and choosing to walk in His Grace, despite circumstances.

And I felt like maybe my stories were worth sharing…not just the happy and hilarious ones but the ones that broke me, the ones that changed my perspective, the ones that made (and still make) me cry.

And so I decided to write a book. :)

I’ve finished the rough draft, and I kinda love it. I think it’s one anyone can relate to on some level. (If y’all would like to say a prayer that a publisher will see it’s awesomeness, too, that would be amazing. ;))

But beyond books and blogs, I think the overall dream is encouragement.

I think that’s what He wants from me.

To take the gift He’s given me and use it for His glory. That might often be through words, but it also comes in other forms…listening, prayer, heart-spilling chats. He can use it all.

He can take my words…and make a difference, no matter big or small. It’s a difference and it’s for Him.

That’s the heart of it all right there.

And it’s worth chasing because it’s what He’s calling me to do.

I read these words recently, written by a friend…they are so true. And so what my heart needed to hear again this morning at this stage of dreaming.

Maybe you’re in a place where it seems no one sees you and it feels like what you do doesn’t matter. Maybe you feel like your potential isn’t being used. What are you doing taking care of a few sheep when you sense inside that you’re made for so much more? But you’re being faithful anyway. You’re serving, learning, loving, and growing.

You’re a God-Sized dreamer, and that means you can make a difference anywhere.

(You’re Made For a God-Sized Dream: Opening the Door to All God Has for You, by Holley Gerth; p. 50-51)

My prayer is that He’ll take this heart and life and use it for His glory…and I’ll leave the size of that up to Him.

And, Happy Tuesday, friends! As always, we’re linking up over at Holley‘s place. Hop by, say hello, and read what God is doing in some dreamer hearts!

God-Sized Dreams

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, encouragement, God-Sized Dreams, Indonesia, remembering, where I am, writing

Justifying Grief

April 1, 2013 by · 30 Comments

I want to warn you, friends, that this post may make you uncomfortable. And if you’d rather not read it, I understand.

It’s been a season of dreaming and doing…with a lot of reflecting mixed in there, too.

And since many of you walk this journey with me…the one of hopes and chasing dreams, of love and extreme thankfulness, of a bit of sorrow and more broken, but also of so much redemption and Grace…I want you to know.

If you want to know.

So read at your own risk. :)

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There is a wound that’s been buried in a corner of my heart for more than four years.

Most days, it’s just there…but it never goes away. Occasionally it will tug and pull and ache and make me cry.

And then there are weeks like this past one where it slashes and slices and crushes and makes my body rack with sobs.

I thought it would go away, this wound of loss so deep, especially once our little girl joined our family.

But it hasn’t, and from time to time, the pain will resurface. And lately, it’s seemed to grab a hold and start to strangle.

Especially this past week, as it seemed to just make me cry more and more, I wondered…

Is it possible I never grieved it?

I don’t know.

All I know is that the month of March is one of the most painful for me…and when it rolls around, it feels as if a demon overtakes me.

The demon of depression…of anger, of hurt, of regret, of unknown. Of wishing and wondering and wanting to know so badly but needing to accept that I never will.

Most of you know the story, but not all.

For a long time, I’ve been afraid of it, but I can’t be anymore. For it is part of us…part of our family, and we need to acknowledge that it’s there and always will be. 

In November of 2008, while Tobin and I were living in Indonesia, we made the decision to pursue adoption. It wasn’t something we rushed into…it had been in our prayers and discussions for months, even years.

In January of 2009, we were approached about the possibility of adopting a baby. A mother in a nearby village who had a connection with a friend was pregnant with her third child. The father was in and out of the picture, money was almost nonexistent, and they wanted a better life for this baby.

Through our friend, they heard about us and asked if we would like their baby.

There are days I wish it had been that simple. And then there are others when I wish it had all never happened.

She was due end of April/beginning of May. It was January.

We flew into paperwork mode and, as soon as we could, scheduled a meeting with the head of the Yayasan (adoption CEO, for lack of a better term) in Jakarta. We met with her, and though somewhat helpful, we left feeling discouraged.

Despite the discouragement, our friend was convinced that this could work, that the hoops could be jumped through and the obstacles overcome.

We had a lot on our side, and I believed with everything in me that God wanted us to have this baby.

And I knew I shouldn’t have gone there yet, but I did. We were lying in bed one night, talking, and I told T how much I liked the name, Maria. We never talked about a boy’s name because I was certain it would be a girl.

I had dreams of a purple nursery with maybe some butterflies on the wall, of spending more years in Indonesia, of finally being able to be a family in my community.

In March, those dreams died when the mother changed her mind. We never heard officially what happened, other than we knew there had been some family pressure.

And my dreams for a Maria and a purple nursery with a cute, white crib turned to ashes.

I cried more tears that month than I ever thought possible.

What’s worse, I was convinced that my grief was unjustified. Not everyone had been completely on board with the situation, and one friend even passively said, Oh, you can just try again. It’s not like it was guaranteed anyway.

It was a grief I stuffed down deep. I was afraid of judgment, afraid of being caught crying over something others felt wasn’t justified.

I still had to teach…I still had nineteen 5th graders. I had a life and responsibilities…and the tears were pushed to the late night.

The kind when it was just me and heartbreak buried under a daisy blanket.

Alone, crying out to a God Who felt too far away.

People say that time heals wounds, and I half-agree with it.

Just half, though.

Eventually the exhaustion translated to sleep and sleep meant relief from pain.

Days somehow passed and life occupied hours…and it was what it was.

We returned to the States for the summer. Most never asked, we didn’t talk.

And while tears have dripped since, today the hole feels more like a pit of desperation…the kind that threatens to swallow up a life that needs to be lived.

About a year ago God laid it on our hearts to sponsor a child through Compassion. I pored through the pictures of children from Indonesia, looking for a three year-old. Somehow hoping that maybe…maybe…this child could still be mine.

I knew it was foolish, I knew the odds were millions to one, I knew…

I know…

I know I just have to let go.

To trust that God has a plan for this now-almost-four-year-old child, one that for whatever reason didn’t include us, one that is far greater than I could have imagined.

And so I need to say goodbye.

Goodbye, sweet one.

Sig

Filed Under: adoption, being mommy, God-Sized Dreams, Indonesia, remembering, where I am

My God-Sized Dream: How I Live

March 26, 2013 by · 26 Comments

What’s a typical day in your life like right now? How can you see God’s hand in the middle of the “small” and ordinary too?

When I first saw the topic for this week, I smiled and started singing a song.

One that, for reasons unknown to me, somehow made it onto my running playlist about a year ago and became a favorite. I especially love the chorus.

Turn up the music, turn it up loud
Take a few chances, let it all out
‘Cause you won’t regret it
Looking back from where you have been
‘Cause it’s not who you knew
And it’s not what you did, it’s how you live

“How You Live” Point of Grace

Though it may sound a bit flaky, I try to live my life in this way…with the music cranked up (sometimes literally), looking for the adventure in every step, and dancing throughout my days, too. (As long as there’s coffee. ;))

On a perfect day, I start with a run.  I usually do between three and four miles, but  I only did 2.4 this morning…on Monday nights I work out with friends, and our workout went late last night and was topped off by a frappuccino and a chat with my dear friend :), so I didn’t push it. I’m not Super-runner Woman, either (though I would look good with a cape, huh?!)…it’s something I became intentional about in order to shed those baby pounds and turned into something I enjoy.

When I get home from running (before 7 am) I get the coffee going and get ready for the day.

Key word here = coffee. I drink a ton of the stuff. True confession. But not black…always with creamer. Bailey’s Creme Brulee is my favorite. Mmmmm.

I’m a stay-at-home-mom, and it’s the job title I wear most proudly.

I’m mama to the most incredibly wonderful, spirited, sweet girl, Mae. Ever the non-napper, she almost always gives me a wonderful night’s sleep, so she usually isn’t awake before 7:30. (Unless we’re in time change mode. Ugh.) I love that it gives me time to hop through the shower and get ready somewhat before she’s up.

Once Mae is up, it’s the usual. Breakfast, sometimes-playtime, sometimes-Sesame Street. If she goes the tv route, I use that time to do some Bible reading and blogging. It’s when most of my daytime writing gets done. A lot of people start their mornings early. early. early. with spending time with God. I have found  that it  simply doesn’t work well for me.

I love Him.

But my mind is not coherent enough before my run to focus. Instead, I crank up a pretty sweet playlist of praise songs for my run and worship Him in that way. I love it, and I usually sing along. 😉

The  rest of our day varies, depending on the day. Some days we head to church for Bible study or to help with Feed My Lambs; the other days we’ll chill at home and  do art projects or read stories or play princesses or bake. (She’s a huge play doh fan right now, too.) We save errands for the afternoon, usually, because my ever-so-sweet girl mostly-dropped her afternoon nap last summer. (She takes about one a month.)

It’s a simple day, usually, and sometimes there will be more writing or catching up online interspersed with what we do.

MaeMommyPumpkinDays

My main goal as a stay-at-home mama  is to simply enjoy her and be the best mommy to her that I can be. The days are already passing too quickly, and she’ll be off to preschool in just five short months. Tear. 

My hubby usually gets home around 5:30, and  we’ll spend a little time together as a family,  eat dinner, and then it’s off to bathtime and bed for the non-napper girl we have. :) She’s usually in bed and asleep before 7:30 which gives us some time to unwind. Sometimes T and I will play a game or watch a movie; sometimes we’ll do our own thing…me, usually write; him, catch up with his favorite blogs or watch a TV show. Fun fact: we really love playing cribbage. I know it’s an old-people game, but it’s fun! You should try it. 😉

Being a SAHM was not something I ever thought I’d be, but I love it. I’ve realized, too, that it’s something I should never take for granted. My husband works hard so I can be with my girl, and I know there are a lot of mamas who wish with everything in them that they could be home with their kids, too. I am extremely blessed, and so thankful I can spend my days with Mae. :)

family01

One of the things God has over-and-over convicted me about is my prayer life. I grew up always thinking that to pray, I needed to stop what I was doing, fold my hands, close my eyes, and talk to Him in that way. And while there are times for that, I try to make prayer part of my lifestyle…and I talk to Him throughout the day. Sometimes in a sentence, sometimes longer. While I’m washing dishes, vacuuming, or even changing a diaper.

I love that He hears me…and that He listens no matter where I am or what I’m doing.

I also love that my daughter is learning the value of speaking to her Father, too, no matter where she is in her day. Often, we’ll pray for Putra, our Compassion child…his picture is on our wall in the kitchen, and she likes to look at it. Mae knows that we can talk to God about him, and that we can do it while we’re playing princesses, too. :)

In relation to my dream(s) and pursuing them in daily life, my biggest goal is to place them in His hands each day and pray for opportunities. Right now, my sweet friend is reading through my book, and I’m good with that…in some ways, it’s a break I can use to reflect on what He’s asking of me and what could potentially be next. As for my other dream of writing for a bigger blog, I talk to Him about it…and just keep doing my thing…

…writing  in this space, which I truly love. I really do, even if the number of blog posts a week has dwindled a bit. (I’m trying to focus on content more instead of word count. Please don’t count the number of words in this post. ;))

I’m trying to be faithful with the smaller things…and trust that He’ll bring the big things when it’s time. His time.

More than ever, right now, I’m content with that, and it’s a good place to be.

Just living the life He’s created for me, following Him in obedience, and trusting that His plan will happen.

And it’s Tuesday! Hop over to the lovely Holley Gerth’s place to read more stories of what God is doing in the lives of my dreaming sisters! We’d love for you to join us. :)

God-Sized Dreams

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, coffee, encouragement, family, God-Sized Dreams, just life, Maelie, marriage, music, prayer, running, Tobin, where I am, writing

My God-Sized Dream: Joy Surrounding Me

March 19, 2013 by · 20 Comments

JOY

What brings you joy, especially when it comes to your God-Sized Dream?

I love this question and am so very overwhelmed by it all at the same time.

Joy.

JOY.

JOY.

The word has such a different meaning now than it did just two years ago.

My husband and I were in the midst of one of the hardest seasons of our marriage. It was a daily struggle to move forward and to choose love and joy in spite of the challenges that seemed to overtake our days.

Around this time, I had gotten into the groove of blogging, and my writing was definitely something that brought joy…a place to release and be…no matter what I was feeling that particular day.

As I slowly started to become connected online with some different bloggers and friends, I came across a blog.

The writer is someone many of you may know at least through her words. And I became privileged to know her through them, too, even if we never exchanged an in-real-life, friend hug.

During those days of wondering and waiting and unknown, I found myself drawn into her story, inspired by her words, and taken by her heart for our Father.

Someone asked her the question, “How do you manage to stay so positive? So happy? Don’t you ever just get really mad?”

And her reply, specifically this part of it, changed me.

The thing I try to remind myself of, as I am without all the things that I wish I had to make me happy, is that my biggest need is Him. More than I need to be outside in the fresh air, more than I need to move without pain, more than I even need Dad… I need His will to be done in my life whether it is comfortable or not. There is not one thing that feels comfortable about my world right now, but I need Him more than I need to change my circumstances.

It’s still brutally hard. I have to remind myself of these facts every day. It doesn’t always come easily.

But it doesn’t make the truth any less true.

And the truth is that I can choose the joy.

So I do.

From this post at Sara’s blog.

Knowing Sara for the few months I did changed my perspective. Reading her words taught me how to Choose Joy, even on the days that were hard.  (Hard to me, nothing compared to what she endured.)

And I share this with you to tie it back into my answer to the question…

What brings you joy, especially when it comes to your God-Sized Dream?

Honestly, it’s the beauty He brings to each of my days.

Sunshine in the form of a little girl I am privileged to love and raise and spend my days with. I love her so much it brings tears to my eyes.

My husband and the way he loves me through each day, never settling and always striving for something more.

Heart friends…those near me and those so far away that heaven will be our reunion…who bless me with love and laughs, encouragement and prayer.

A new community of women who have inspired and blessed me along the journey to a dream.

Words…and the little gift He has given me in being able to use them to encourage others.

The sunshine streaming through the windows today.

A text or prayer of encouragement from a friend.

Printing off my rough draft and giving it to a friend. :)

A cup of coffee on a cold winter morning.

What I learned, and am continually learning, through my friend’s life is that there is JOY surrounding me.

It’s everywhere.

And it’s my choice…despite my circumstances, I can choose to find it in each day.

Maybe this is somewhat of a generic answer…I hope you don’t see it that way.

I hope that, whatever the dream God has rooted deeply in your heart, you’ll always find joy along the journey of realizing that dream.

I truly can’t wait for the day when my book is in print and I hold it in my hands.

Or for the day that I’ll hopefully have the chance to write for one of my favorite spaces.

But, today, I am embracing the joys God has given along the journey to those dreams.

For You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings I will sing for joy.
Psalm 63:7 (ESV)

As we do each Tuesday, a bunch of us are linking up with Holley Gerth and sharing all God is doing when it comes to our God-Sized Dreams! We’d love to have you join us!

God-Sized Dreams

Sig

Filed Under: (in)courage, barefoot, being mommy, blessings, encouragement, family, friends, God-Sized Dreams, Maelie, marriage, remembering, Tobin, what I'm learning, where I am, writing

I Confess…

March 18, 2013 by · 14 Comments

Happy Monday morning, friends!

Though the calendar may say March 18th, my lawn in the burbs of Chicago is blanketed with white.

Again.

Gotta say I’m ovvvveeeer winter.

Spring, come on!!!

Yesterday morning I got up early and actually went for a run. Outside. It was glorious, exhilarating, and slightly cold, but it gave me full-on spring fever.

I thought a few Monday confessions might be good for cheering up my soooooo-ready-for-spring heart. Feel free to add some of your own in the comments. :)

I’m sitting here in a running jacket and the thickest scarf I could find in the closet. (Snow makes me cold. Even if I’m not outside in it.) Oh, and guess where I bought the scarf? Indonesia. Not kidding. Not sure I ever actually wore it there, but I do love it here! :) (And I realize this is not a great pic…another confession: This is the real of Monday. Really thankful for makeup today.) :)

Melscarf

Lately I’ve been missing Bali.  I always have a little ache in my chest when I think of Indonesia, and that’s nothing new. But Bali…it must be the lack of spring around here. And the fact that I’m doing a last read-through of my rough draft before giving it to my first readers. How I miss the ocean and surfing and wiggling my toes in the sand of Kuta beach. (Here’s a pic to make you want the beach, too. Anyone wanna go on a little vacation?! ;))

IMG_3015

I let Maelie wear my new (Goodwill) heels this morning. She put them on over her footie pajamas and tromped around our bedroom. And though a small piece of me thought those three inches might be a little dangerous, when she put on my headband, my heart just melted, and I sat back to enjoy the moment. Then I took a picture before I made her take them off. (Sorry, the lighting in our bedroom is not fabulous for an iPhone. And please forgive the pile of clothes…I’ll clean them up later today. ;))

Maeinheels

We may, or may not, be slightly addicted to Tangled in our house. And not only is it a great movie, the music is so fun. For the last few weeks, I have been trying to get the first song down…besides having a ton of words, the note jumps are tricky. But I’ve got it and am, unashamedly, admitting that I walk around the house singing it all day long. (Do any other musicians out there think this is a hard song to sing?)

And…here it is! Rough draft. Printed off last night. 123 pages and 36, 223 words of heart and soul on paper. I’m (most likely tearfully) handing it over to three friends this week. I’m not sure if that part is the confession…more the intense mix of elation and nerves that are currently taking over my stomach. Nothing like a little fear of rejection to make a person sweat. 😉 But mostly, I’m thrilled to be at this point. FRIENDS, I WROTE A BOOK!!!

roughdraft1

And since my heart is pounding like crazy just from telling you that, I’ll just wish you, again, a happy Monday!

Blessings. :)

Sig

Filed Under: adventures, barefoot, being mommy, blessings, God-Sized Dreams, Indonesia, Maelie, music, remembering, travel, where I am, writing

My God-Sized Dream: Deep Breath…

March 12, 2013 by · 34 Comments

What do you really want more of in your life? Will you dare to say it out loud?

Well, since you’re asking…I really want more coffee and sleep. (Strange paradox, I know.) :) And, silly, but I’ve kinda been hoping for a pair of these…I can’t believe this world traveler has stomped her feet in so many places without a pair of TOMS. 😉 

But since those probably aren’t acceptable (or inspiring) answers, we can talk a little longer.

:)

This was another question I wrestled with over the last week, but I think that wrestling and battling was so much against my own fear…and I think what’s coming out of it is good.

Scary, but good.

Though, up front you need to know that this. is. the. scariest. post. I’ve. ever. written.

Please be gentle with my heart.

Deep breath…here we go.

*******************

In the fall semester of 2007, over our Idul Fitri break from school, some friends and I flew up to Sumatra to visit Bukit Lawang, an orangutan preserve. Included in that long weekend was a day-long jungle hike.

Forgive me here for not sharing too many fun details. This may, or may not, be a chapter in my book. :)

At some point during that hike, we stopped for a water break, and I took the time to really look around me.

Vines everywhere…it was totally like the movie Tarzan. And I’d kinda had this dream to be Jane at one point in my life. :)

It was at that moment I realized there was an opportunity in front of me…one that, if I didn’t take then, I might never have again.

So I asked our guide to cut me a vine so I could swing.

He looked at me, laughed a little, and then obliged. He was even kind enough to test it out for me.

I was scared for a minute, but I reminded myself that now was the time…and if I ever wanted to be jungle-swinging Jane, this was the day.

Deep breath…whoooooosh. I sailed through the jungle.

Ok, ok…so maybe sailed is the wrong word. :) Gotta be honest that my awesome vine-swing was not exactly like it is in the movies.

Definitely still a dream come true, but it wasn’t quite so dramatic. :)

My point?

Is that sometimes dreams take a deep breath and bravery, but they can turn into something truly incredible.

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*******************

I’ve been reading (and re-reading parts of) a fantastic book that I think maybe some of you have heard me talk about. 😉

It’s pretty much amazing.

And as I’ve been chewing on the first part of the book (no, not literally…though I may have chewed off a few fingernails!) I’ve realized something.

When it comes to dreams and saying them aloud, I’ve been safe.

Really.

Maybe it’s because I am an ENFP through and through…very much a talker, processor, people-lover, sky-high dreamer, and I thrive on it all.

So when I shared my dream for the first time, it didn’t scare me, at least too much.

The prospect of writing a book, in general, doesn’t scare me because I’m not afraid of words and stories.

Don’t get me wrong, there will definitely be butterflies that will most likely be doing backflips off of my stomach lining when (and if) my book is published, but this kind of dreaming makes me want to jump up and down and do cartwheels.

At least right now. :)

All that to say, for me, there is safety with words.

God has given me this dream, and I know it’s for me…and because He gives good things to His children, I know He’s got this. And I can’t wait for His plan to unfold.

However…ya had to know there would be more, right?!

What do I want to see more of in my life?

Deep Breaths.

Bravery.

Leaping out of my comfort zone with my arms outstretched, ready to embrace whatever He has for me.

Last week a Dream Team sister and I were exchanging facebook messages, and I let something slip. Sort of…I really did want her to know. :)

My other dream.

There is another one…that long-term one that really seems out of reach right now.

For a long time I wanted to keep it hidden, preferrably behind a door with twelve locks, but that’s not being brave, now, is it? 😉 

I want more bravery…more courage…to let go, and trust completely that my Father has all of these dreams in His hands and that He’s going to make them beautiful.

And not only the bravery to dream them but the heart to accept His answer, whatever it is.

So we’ve come to the part of the show…ahem, post…where I take a deep breath.

Deep breath…

Deep breath…

Deep breath…

and tell you another deep desire that has been rooted in my heart for quite some time.

There’s a pretty fantastic online space out there…maybe you’ve heard of it? 😉

I’d love to be one of their regular writers.

Big exhale.

Father, you are the Giver of all dreams…and I trust You with this one, too.

Amen. Amen. Amen.

Friends, we are linking up! Every Tuesday at amazing, Holley Gerth’s place. Click on the button below and join us!

God-Sized Dreams

Sig

Filed Under: adventures, barefoot, blessings, culture shock, encouragement, God-Sized Dreams, Indonesia, remembering, travel, what I'm learning, where I am, writing
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