For When It’s Hard to Feel

I sat in the pew while he preached yesterday.

Tears brimmed on my lower lids the entire time. The only reason I wouldn’t let them fall is because I didn’t want my eyes to get all streaky before communion.

You know, when someone might notice the black streaks as I made my way back to my seat.

Stupid pride.

He preached about Jesus riding into Jerusalem on the donkey and how the onlookers spread their cloaks and branches, shouting,

Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!

We all know the story…while it was a celebration, the darkest day in history was well on its way.

And the problem was…I knew the story. I’ve heard it a hundred times, more than a hundred.

I keep hoping that this will be the year I feel something.

I’m waiting to feel.

Stupid feelings.

Just about anything can usually make me cry.

I sob buckets at movies.

If I ever argue with T, I’m almost always in tears at some point.

Frustrations make me cry.

Sad makes me cry.

Heck, happy makes me cry, too.

I feel…it’s how He wired me, and I accept that and always make sure I have a tissue.

I usually don’t. 😉

But I have a hard time with being able to accept that when it comes to my faith, it’s so hard for me to feel anything.

I get that a relationship with my Father is not about feelings. It’s not about emotions that pour all over the red carpet of ILC. It’s not about tears that stream down my face as I sing about all He’s done for me.

It is, in fact, about knowing Truth and trusting it even when I don’t feel it.

Yes, there have been times when I’ve cried out to God, literally…and many of them.

Yes, there have been days when I’ve heard a sermon preached and it’s moved me to tears.

There have been life-changing days when I’ve witnessed, firsthand, the power of my Father in transforming a life.

But then there are days like today…days like Palm Sunday when the church is gearing up for Holy Week and Resurrection Sunday and everyone around me seems to be so in awe and emotional…and I sit there.

Oh, the tears were brimming, but it wasn’t because I felt.

It was because I didn’t. And I wanted to. So badly.

In a raw moment, I’m going to say something, in hopes that maybe some of you can relate.

I don’t have an amazing conversion story.

What I have are pieces of ugly and unsure, steps that are hesitant and and taken in fear…that my Father has somehow woven together into a becoming-beautiful journey of trust and acceptance and assurance and surrender.

It’s not perfect, and I know what it’s like to fail.

But I do know…That I’m a sinner. That my Jesus died to forgive my sins. That my Father in Heaven loves me. That He has an eternal home for me in heaven. That I should tell the world.

And I believe it with all my heart.

It’s almost a little too simple, but it’s what He wrote for me, as only He can, and it’s what I desperately cling to on mornings like yesterday when the feelings are absent and it’s too easy to let the guilt become shameful.

It’s Holy Week.

And I know I’ll spend a lot of it reflecting, but while I reflect and regardless of what I feel, I know I need to remind myself that it’s not about feelings…

But about knowing the beauty of what came from that dark Friday so many years ago and trusting that He did it for me.

And you.

Sig

Five-Minute Friday: Remember

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo at The Gypsy Mama for Five-Minute Friday.

Join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write.

Today’s Topic: Remember

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Remember.

It’s a day I hold in my heart forever.

That early-Monday-afternoon in mid-June, 2010.

They placed her…all tiny, swaddled-up, seven-pounds, twelve-ounces of her into my new mama arms, and I vowed I would never forget that moment.

I stroked her dark hair and remember thinking that with all the heartburn I’d had during my pregnancy that it didn’t surprise me to see she wasn’t bald. :)

And I just looked at her. For what seemed like hours. Memorized her face. Promised to never, ever forget a single detail.

And now we walk the days together…my tiny girl grew and is growing, changed and is changing, crawled then walked and now runs everywhere, it seems.

She is beautiful…more every day.

She is everything and so much more than I ever dreamed in a daughter.

And I want to freeze time in our days, but of course, time doesn’t freeze. It defies my hopes and marches on, seemingly picking up the pace with each passing day.

Still, we mark moments. Photograph them. Write them down. Try so hard to remember everything. Knowing that one day all too soon, my little girl with messy pigtails and a song in her heart will be out making her own memories, marking up the world, singing even more loudly, loving like she does.

And we’ll be so glad we took the time to remember these moments.

My Maelie-girl…I am so proud to be your mommy.

HotChocolate06

Five Minute Friday

Sig

My God-Sized Dream: Joy Surrounding Me

JOY

What brings you joy, especially when it comes to your God-Sized Dream?

I love this question and am so very overwhelmed by it all at the same time.

Joy.

JOY.

JOY.

The word has such a different meaning now than it did just two years ago.

My husband and I were in the midst of one of the hardest seasons of our marriage. It was a daily struggle to move forward and to choose love and joy in spite of the challenges that seemed to overtake our days.

Around this time, I had gotten into the groove of blogging, and my writing was definitely something that brought joy…a place to release and be…no matter what I was feeling that particular day.

As I slowly started to become connected online with some different bloggers and friends, I came across a blog.

The writer is someone many of you may know at least through her words. And I became privileged to know her through them, too, even if we never exchanged an in-real-life, friend hug.

During those days of wondering and waiting and unknown, I found myself drawn into her story, inspired by her words, and taken by her heart for our Father.

Someone asked her the question, “How do you manage to stay so positive? So happy? Don’t you ever just get really mad?”

And her reply, specifically this part of it, changed me.

The thing I try to remind myself of, as I am without all the things that I wish I had to make me happy, is that my biggest need is Him. More than I need to be outside in the fresh air, more than I need to move without pain, more than I even need Dad… I need His will to be done in my life whether it is comfortable or not. There is not one thing that feels comfortable about my world right now, but I need Him more than I need to change my circumstances.

It’s still brutally hard. I have to remind myself of these facts every day. It doesn’t always come easily.

But it doesn’t make the truth any less true.

And the truth is that I can choose the joy.

So I do.

From this post at Sara’s blog.

Knowing Sara for the few months I did changed my perspective. Reading her words taught me how to Choose Joy, even on the days that were hard.  (Hard to me, nothing compared to what she endured.)

And I share this with you to tie it back into my answer to the question…

What brings you joy, especially when it comes to your God-Sized Dream?

Honestly, it’s the beauty He brings to each of my days.

Sunshine in the form of a little girl I am privileged to love and raise and spend my days with. I love her so much it brings tears to my eyes.

My husband and the way he loves me through each day, never settling and always striving for something more.

Heart friends…those near me and those so far away that heaven will be our reunion…who bless me with love and laughs, encouragement and prayer.

A new community of women who have inspired and blessed me along the journey to a dream.

Words…and the little gift He has given me in being able to use them to encourage others.

The sunshine streaming through the windows today.

A text or prayer of encouragement from a friend.

Printing off my rough draft and giving it to a friend. :)

A cup of coffee on a cold winter morning.

What I learned, and am continually learning, through my friend’s life is that there is JOY surrounding me.

It’s everywhere.

And it’s my choice…despite my circumstances, I can choose to find it in each day.

Maybe this is somewhat of a generic answer…I hope you don’t see it that way.

I hope that, whatever the dream God has rooted deeply in your heart, you’ll always find joy along the journey of realizing that dream.

I truly can’t wait for the day when my book is in print and I hold it in my hands.

Or for the day that I’ll hopefully have the chance to write for one of my favorite spaces.

But, today, I am embracing the joys God has given along the journey to those dreams.

For You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings I will sing for joy.
Psalm 63:7 (ESV)

As we do each Tuesday, a bunch of us are linking up with Holley Gerth and sharing all God is doing when it comes to our God-Sized Dreams! We’d love to have you join us!

God-Sized Dreams

Sig

I Confess…

Happy Monday morning, friends!

Though the calendar may say March 18th, my lawn in the burbs of Chicago is blanketed with white.

Again.

Gotta say I’m ovvvveeeer winter.

Spring, come on!!!

Yesterday morning I got up early and actually went for a run. Outside. It was glorious, exhilarating, and slightly cold, but it gave me full-on spring fever.

I thought a few Monday confessions might be good for cheering up my soooooo-ready-for-spring heart. Feel free to add some of your own in the comments. :)

I’m sitting here in a running jacket and the thickest scarf I could find in the closet. (Snow makes me cold. Even if I’m not outside in it.) Oh, and guess where I bought the scarf? Indonesia. Not kidding. Not sure I ever actually wore it there, but I do love it here! :) (And I realize this is not a great pic…another confession: This is the real of Monday. Really thankful for makeup today.) :)

Melscarf

Lately I’ve been missing Bali.  I always have a little ache in my chest when I think of Indonesia, and that’s nothing new. But Bali…it must be the lack of spring around here. And the fact that I’m doing a last read-through of my rough draft before giving it to my first readers. How I miss the ocean and surfing and wiggling my toes in the sand of Kuta beach. (Here’s a pic to make you want the beach, too. Anyone wanna go on a little vacation?! ;))

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I let Maelie wear my new (Goodwill) heels this morning. She put them on over her footie pajamas and tromped around our bedroom. And though a small piece of me thought those three inches might be a little dangerous, when she put on my headband, my heart just melted, and I sat back to enjoy the moment. Then I took a picture before I made her take them off. (Sorry, the lighting in our bedroom is not fabulous for an iPhone. And please forgive the pile of clothes…I’ll clean them up later today. ;))

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We may, or may not, be slightly addicted to Tangled in our house. And not only is it a great movie, the music is so fun. For the last few weeks, I have been trying to get the first song down…besides having a ton of words, the note jumps are tricky. But I’ve got it and am, unashamedly, admitting that I walk around the house singing it all day long. (Do any other musicians out there think this is a hard song to sing?)

And…here it is! Rough draft. Printed off last night. 123 pages and 36, 223 words of heart and soul on paper. I’m (most likely tearfully) handing it over to three friends this week. I’m not sure if that part is the confession…more the intense mix of elation and nerves that are currently taking over my stomach. Nothing like a little fear of rejection to make a person sweat. 😉 But mostly, I’m thrilled to be at this point. FRIENDS, I WROTE A BOOK!!!

roughdraft1

And since my heart is pounding like crazy just from telling you that, I’ll just wish you, again, a happy Monday!

Blessings. :)

Sig

My God-Sized Dream: Deep Breath…

What do you really want more of in your life? Will you dare to say it out loud?

Well, since you’re asking…I really want more coffee and sleep. (Strange paradox, I know.) :) And, silly, but I’ve kinda been hoping for a pair of these…I can’t believe this world traveler has stomped her feet in so many places without a pair of TOMS. 😉 

But since those probably aren’t acceptable (or inspiring) answers, we can talk a little longer.

:)

This was another question I wrestled with over the last week, but I think that wrestling and battling was so much against my own fear…and I think what’s coming out of it is good.

Scary, but good.

Though, up front you need to know that this. is. the. scariest. post. I’ve. ever. written.

Please be gentle with my heart.

Deep breath…here we go.

*******************

In the fall semester of 2007, over our Idul Fitri break from school, some friends and I flew up to Sumatra to visit Bukit Lawang, an orangutan preserve. Included in that long weekend was a day-long jungle hike.

Forgive me here for not sharing too many fun details. This may, or may not, be a chapter in my book. :)

At some point during that hike, we stopped for a water break, and I took the time to really look around me.

Vines everywhere…it was totally like the movie Tarzan. And I’d kinda had this dream to be Jane at one point in my life. :)

It was at that moment I realized there was an opportunity in front of me…one that, if I didn’t take then, I might never have again.

So I asked our guide to cut me a vine so I could swing.

He looked at me, laughed a little, and then obliged. He was even kind enough to test it out for me.

I was scared for a minute, but I reminded myself that now was the time…and if I ever wanted to be jungle-swinging Jane, this was the day.

Deep breath…whoooooosh. I sailed through the jungle.

Ok, ok…so maybe sailed is the wrong word. :) Gotta be honest that my awesome vine-swing was not exactly like it is in the movies.

Definitely still a dream come true, but it wasn’t quite so dramatic. :)

My point?

Is that sometimes dreams take a deep breath and bravery, but they can turn into something truly incredible.

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*******************

I’ve been reading (and re-reading parts of) a fantastic book that I think maybe some of you have heard me talk about. 😉

It’s pretty much amazing.

And as I’ve been chewing on the first part of the book (no, not literally…though I may have chewed off a few fingernails!) I’ve realized something.

When it comes to dreams and saying them aloud, I’ve been safe.

Really.

Maybe it’s because I am an ENFP through and through…very much a talker, processor, people-lover, sky-high dreamer, and I thrive on it all.

So when I shared my dream for the first time, it didn’t scare me, at least too much.

The prospect of writing a book, in general, doesn’t scare me because I’m not afraid of words and stories.

Don’t get me wrong, there will definitely be butterflies that will most likely be doing backflips off of my stomach lining when (and if) my book is published, but this kind of dreaming makes me want to jump up and down and do cartwheels.

At least right now. :)

All that to say, for me, there is safety with words.

God has given me this dream, and I know it’s for me…and because He gives good things to His children, I know He’s got this. And I can’t wait for His plan to unfold.

However…ya had to know there would be more, right?!

What do I want to see more of in my life?

Deep Breaths.

Bravery.

Leaping out of my comfort zone with my arms outstretched, ready to embrace whatever He has for me.

Last week a Dream Team sister and I were exchanging facebook messages, and I let something slip. Sort of…I really did want her to know. :)

My other dream.

There is another one…that long-term one that really seems out of reach right now.

For a long time I wanted to keep it hidden, preferrably behind a door with twelve locks, but that’s not being brave, now, is it? 😉 

I want more bravery…more courage…to let go, and trust completely that my Father has all of these dreams in His hands and that He’s going to make them beautiful.

And not only the bravery to dream them but the heart to accept His answer, whatever it is.

So we’ve come to the part of the show…ahem, post…where I take a deep breath.

Deep breath…

Deep breath…

Deep breath…

and tell you another deep desire that has been rooted in my heart for quite some time.

There’s a pretty fantastic online space out there…maybe you’ve heard of it? 😉

I’d love to be one of their regular writers.

Big exhale.

Father, you are the Giver of all dreams…and I trust You with this one, too.

Amen. Amen. Amen.

Friends, we are linking up! Every Tuesday at amazing, Holley Gerth’s place. Click on the button below and join us!

God-Sized Dreams

Sig

Five-Minute Friday: Home

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo at The Gypsy Mama for Five-Minute Friday.

Join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write.

Today’s Topic: Home

Home.

The word has taken on such a different meaning for me in the past, almost-three, years.

I used to think it was a place…this two-story, blue beauty on the corner of Wisconsin and Charles, nestled into what I think is possibly the best neighborhood in the world.

Surrounded by neighbors who have become friends and friends who have become family, this place is our home.

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I smile every time I remember the moment…the time we walked through the door for the first time. We just looked at each other, and we knew. This was it.

Home.

And we have been blessed to plant our roots deep and give our daughter a place to call home…and give ourselves that place, too.

But as I look at our lives…though young, we’ve seen a lot. We’ve experienced the temporary of home and the unknown of the journey…and though it’s always nice to have a place, it isn’t a building that makes a home.

It’s people and love…those that surround us each day and love us despite the ugly and imperfect, those who choose to be part of our lives and hearts.

They are what makes a home.

Oh, I love my blue house, number 127.

But my home is just that because of the love I’ve been blessed with.

Almost by accident last fall, I stumbled onto a quote, one now painted (well, it was a rub-on if we’re being technical ;)) on our living room wall.

Life takes you to unexpected places; Love brings you home.

Always. And we are home. It’s good.

Five Minute Friday

Sig

Thursday Night and No Place to Go…

Well, now that it’s almost 10 p.m. There were plenty of places to be today. :)

It’s been a long time since we’ve just had a virtual chat.

So, while I finish my dinner (yep, it was a praise-team-practice, eat-dinner-late night) we can talk about food and life and potty training and the snow…just maybe not all at once. 😉

So, first up. Dinner. (‘Cause I like to eat…don’t we all?!) I have proved my theory that you can take the girl out of Asia, but you can’t take the Asia out of the girl. My choice for dinner was leftover pizza or leftover sweet and sour chicken. I totally went for the chicken…and not because of the chicken.

It was the rice.

Totally the rice.

I love rice.

We ate it at least five times a week in Indonesia, and I’m actually quite amazed I don’t detest the stuff. In fact, I still crave it. Weird, I know. (But true fact…we only eat it about once a month.)

And moving on to my girl…oh, how I love her.

But I’d be not completely telling you the truth if I said I loved potty training her. It’s just not going as great as I thought it would be by now. I’m really trying to celebrate every success, and truthfully, she’s closer than she was a month ago. I will take even a millimeter of progress at this moment.

But I’ll also take some prayers should you feel led to say them for us. 😉

I’m am thankful, though, that despite the potty training drama in the house, we have a thousand other reasons to smile through our days. :)

I just can’t believe how much she’s growing up and changing and turning into such the wonderful little person. I adore her. :)

Her imagination and vocabulary are just exploding. Yesterday I was working on something in the kitchen and overheard her having her princesses act out a scene from one of her favorite movies. She even had the words right…she amazes me.

She’s a puzzle maniac. The girl puts 24 piece puzzles together already…in fact, she stunned me the other day when she took a brand new one out of the box and snapped it together without even looking at the picture. Gotta be honest here…I’m not sure I could have done it that fast.

And snow with a toddler? Has been way too much fun…this coming from a girl who doesn’t exactly love winter. (Though I don’t hate it…I would just rather be warm. :)) On Tuesday, we got a lot of snow, and she came outside with me while I shoveled the driveway. She was fascinated with the piles of snow on either side and created her own “slide”…I wish I had a taken a picture. Too cute. :)

Last week we also built our first snowman with Tobin, and a few days later, Mae and I went out and turned our snowman into a tropical snowprincess…complete with an Indonesian sarong…thanks to some inspiration from our dear friend. :)

Tell me this isn’t completely adorable?

We had fun…and I love the memories we’re making.

Sometimes I struggle with being the stay-at-home-mom who’s home a lot…I don’t have a lot of things vying for my attention that are outside the house. And while I stay busy with my girl and writing, sometimes it’s a little too easy to feel like I’m not making a difference.

And then I remind myself that she’s going to Preschool in five months. Well, pending potty training success.

Somebody pinch me because it doesn’t seem possible.

The truth is that I’m so blessed to be home with her during these years, and though there are difficult days, I truly love my job and wouldn’t change a thing. And I need to soak up every second.

And because it’s getting late and my Diet Coke is almost gone and I’m also a little sniff-sniff because my girlie is growing up too fast, maybe I should say good night for now.

:)

Thanks for stopping by, friends. And Happy Almost-Friday!

Sig

My God-Sized Dream: A Letter to My Dreaming Sisters

To my dear, sweet, beautiful, inspiring, God-Sized dreaming sisters,

Do you know how much you have added to my life in the last few months?

When I saw the topic for this week, I almost didn’t feel like I was in the place to do the encouraging because you, my friends, have been that encouragement for me in the past months.

And it has been a true joy to know you and love you and cheer for YOU as you go for your dreams, too! So, thank you.

I’m a mushy-gush when it comes to friends…just putting that out there now. :) I value relationships and am so blessed by each of you. I just love you all and the way you inspire me through your stories, through the way you courageously dream SO BIG, through the way you live your lives in obedience and surrender, even when it’s hard...and it usually is.

Keeping up with a b-gillion new friends can be a challenge. (Amen, yeah?) 😉 But I try to read as many of your stories as I can. And you know what?

Every. Single. One. Is worth sharing.

Your dreams matter, your voice is important. We need you, and you have purpose.

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Ephesians 2:10 (NIV)

I love, love, LOVE how God brought together this group of dreamers…and how we’ve been able to love on each other and pour on encouragement and blessings, despite the fact that most of us have never met face-to-face.

Just heart-to-heart…and maybe that’s even better. (Though I definitely can’t wait to meet you!)

And as each of you go for your dreams and walk (or skip or full-on sprint…however it is that you travel) this journey, I want you to know…

You can do it! {You need to insert some hand holding from me, jumping up and down, and squealing. Because if we were meeting (in)RL, this is how I’d cheer for you. :)} I believe in you, I pray for you, and I am so excited to watch God work in each of your hearts and lives! If God places the dream in your heart, He’s going to give exactly what you need for it to happen.

AND

You are His! Even more important, you are loved by Him…bought with a price, (not a cheap one, either) valued, and honored in His sight. That’s an amazing Truth I think we, all too often, forget.

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!
1 John 3:1a (NIV)

There are going to be those days of discouragement, and when you have them, remember these Truths.

I am blessed beyond anything to walk this road with each of you, and you will now, and always, hold a place in my heart. Philippians 1:7.

Love,
Mel

P.S. I’ve been dying to share this video with you all. Though it’s definitely on the silly side, it always leaves me smiling and dreaming a little more! Feel free to crank up the volume and dance around…that’s what we do in our house! 😉

We’re linkin’ up every Tuesday! Today, you are sure to be blessed by reading the letters that some amazing dreamers have written to each other. Click on the link below and hop over to say hi!

God-Sized Dreams

And don’t forget that Holley Gerth‘s new book, You’re Made for a God-Sized Dream: Opening the Door to All God Has for You is now available! You can find it at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Dayspring, or your local Christian bookstore. I hope you’ll take the time to check it out…Holley’s words and her heart will bless you!

Sig

Five-Minute Friday: Ordinary

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo at The Gypsy Mama for Five-Minute Friday.

Join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write.

Today’s Topic: Ordinary

When I was younger, I wished for blond hair and blue eyes.

And other than those few months of scorching, Iowa summer each year, when the combination of sun and chlorine would turn my locks a sandy-gold color, this brunette always kept wishing.

Well, there was that time in college when I bleached my hair so white I ruined it and had to cut it all off… 😉

But, back to the life of a brunette. One with brown eyes, too.

I spent so much of my childhood feeling like that plain, ordinary girl…the one who blended in with everyone else. The one who never stood out. (Well, for a good reason, at least.)

Much of life is the same, probably for most of us.

We stare at what we see reflected in the mirror and wish for something more…something to make us stand out, something to make us special, something to tell the world, I’m worth seeing.

Anything at all to release us from the stickiness that the label of ordinary brands those of us who let it define a piece of who we are.

And then He reminds me, as He always does…just when I’m getting to that point of discontentment and wishing.

You are Mine.

I love you, just as you are.

Enough that I bought you for a price.

None of those scream ordinary at all.

In fact, I‘m pretty sure they’re extraordinary.

I dye my hair every four weeks now. (Special thanks to my daddy-o for the awesome genes in making me gray in my mid-30’s. :))

My color of choice?

Deep, dark brown. :)

Five Minute Friday

Sig

My God-Sized Dream: With Love

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

1 Corinthians 13:1-3 (NIV)

It’s been nearly 27 years since he first walked into my life, and many of those little details have faded far into the shadows of my eight year-old past.

It was one of the first days of third grade, and I sat in my seat in the second row, a quiet and shy girl with way-too-long, brown hair that I would often twist around my finger while I chewed on the end of my pencil, while learning of course. :) (Can we say easily distracted? ;))

There was a little knock on the classroom door, and a man walked in. I remember thinking he looked like a grandpa.

Through some quick introductions from our teacher, Mrs. D, we found out that “Grandpa Don” was her father-in-law and that he was going to help out in our class two days a week.

I don’t really remember the beginning of our time with him as much. He would come to our class and help out, he would play with us at recess, he would eat lunch with us.

But it wasn’t long before he became so popular that we had to start drawing names for who got to sit by him. I’ll never forget the day it was my turn. :)

For some reason, the two of us connected.

I can’t, to this day, explain why…other than the fact that God must have told Grandpa Don how much I needed him for a friend.

He would show up at my house on Saturdays, bring me chocolate ice cream, and then he’d set up the lawn darts in our front yard and show me how to play. (I was really bad.)

He would take me fishing and to Taco John’s.

Once he went to the store and bought me a new headband because I’d broken mine on the playground that morning. (Probably doing a headfirst flip from some piece of now-banned playground equipment. ;))

We would sit on the front porch of the cream and brown house on Park Street house and talk for a long time; sometimes my dad would join us, too.

He had stories, and I remember hanging on to every word.

The funny thing is that, almost three decades later, I don’t remember those stories.

I remember the love.

Third grade ended, and I missed seeing my friend. Once in awhile he would show up at the fourth grade building to help out, and he would still come by on Saturdays here and there, always with chocolate ice cream. That continued through fifth grade, too.

The middle school years passed, high school arrived, and I’d see him at his grandkids’ basketball games or here and there around town…and during my sophomore year, I heard that he was sick. Dying, sick.

He was gone a few months later, and I cried. A lot. (I still cry.)

And, almost nineteen years ago to the day he left us, I sit down to remember him in this space. (And keep the tissues close.)

You could take the time to ask anyone who spent a significant amount of time in my hometown, and they would remember him…for he left a mark. Not with grand achievements or through personal gain…but in the way he loved others.

Grandpa Don wasn’t a dreamer in the BIG sense, as so many of us might view dreamers.

He’d had a successful career, and upon retirement, decided to use his days to give back…to make a difference. To love.

There was a day, about a decade ago, when I was out at the cemetery and went to look for his stone. I knew the approximate area where it was located, and when I found it, a twinge of sadness set in.

A small plaque with his name, dates of birth and death staring up at me.

This man, one who had given of himself so much, was remembered with a simple plaque, nothing more. Everything in me wanted to scream, But he was so much more than that!

And he was.

It wasn’t about the rewards on earth for my beloved Grandpa Don…it was simply about love. About doing all things with that love.

And I will never, ever forget him or the way he inspired me to love.

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Each day I walk this path that my Father has placed before me.

Sometimes I’m obedient and step exactly where He’s planned; other days, I take a little (or not-so-little) detour.

I’ve talked about my dream…to see my book in print, to share my stories, to tell you about what my Father did in my heart and life, despite the fact that my heart and life didn’t always reflect Him.

But, ultimately…if I could only ever choose one thing to strive for…it would be love.

The kind of love that leaves people better than they were…the kind of love Grandpa Don showed to so many. The kind that mirrors the love of my Father.

I wish I had a picture of my Grandpa Don…just a small way to remember my friend.

But I don’t…and now, I remember him in my heart. One that, I’m sure, is better because I was loved by him.

And I can best honor my friend, and my Father, by choosing that love in my life every single day as I strive for a dream God has planted deeply in my heart.

Father, please help me to do all things in the power of Your Love.

Holley asked us this week to think about someone whose journey toward a dream had inspired us and share their story. I thought about a lot of people, but being the heart-writer I am, I wanted to write about someone who’d had an important impact, personally, in my life. You can read more from my dreaming sisters by clicking on the link below. I hope you’ll join us!

God-Sized Dreams

Sig