What to Write…or Not Write

April 12, 2011 by · 4 Comments

I feel like I’m leaving so many things unfinished tonight.

First, I wrote a pretty awesome piece about grace. ( Yeah, more grace.

:)) But it desperately needs to be toned down (aka: de-dramatized) before I push the publish button.

That’s for the good of everyone, and I’m more than willing to let the drama queen tendencies fizzle a bit before sharing my deep thoughts with the world. 😉

Yesterday I started strumming out my favorite song on my guitar.

Not as easy as it sounds because I have looked high and low for guitar chords online and

have come up empty handed.

(Unless I want to pay…which I don’t. ;)) I thought that might actually be a unique blog post, but I’ve spent hours on the chords and am only about half done.

Then I thought about making a bucket list…which has been in the back of my mind for quite some time.

The only thing is, once I publish it, I want it to be complete.

Not something I can write in ten minutes.

And I thought about writing about something cool I’m going to do in a couple weeks, but really, that’s something that would be better after the fact.

I’ll give you a teaser, though…it involves me, my guitar, a coffee shop, and a microphone.

Yeah, I really love a microphone. Oh, and some friends for moral support. (So if you live in the area, that’s you! :D)

So if ya can’t tell, my brain is kinda scattered tonight…very unable to settle on one topic and actually write with passion. I hate it when the passion is lacking, but hey, it can’t ooze 24/7 or I’d drive everyone around me crazy.

So instead of blabbing on and on about the things I could be writing about, I’m going to close my laptop, fill up my coffee mug, and chill for a bit tonight. Tomorrow’s a long day with Mae because Tob has to work all day and then he gets to go hear (former) President Bush speak at Judson.

I’m so incredibly jealous but happy for him, too.

Good night to you all!

Sig

Filed Under: writing

The Weekend

April 11, 2011 by · 2 Comments

Yeah, I know it’s Monday.

But, in the interest of forgetting that it’s Monday, I give you a recap of a pretty good weekend.

First, it was so nice to feel better. I’m not 100%, but that’s ok…my head’s not clogged, I can almost sing, and I slept through the night for the first time in a week without waking up to cough for an hour. So I think that qualifies as better.

At midnight on Friday night/Saturday morning, I took a 48 hour blog break.

I mean, I still wrote on my blog, but I stayed away from the twenty or so that I read on a regular basis.

A blogging friend had done the same thing for a week, and I was inspired.

It was good.

I still allowed myself Twitter and Facebook but found that I spent far less time on them and on the computer in general…and I had tons of time with Tobin and Maelie, which was so great.

Saturday was nice…mid 60′ s and a perfect day for being out

side. Maelie had a wagon ride and some good swinging time, which she loves. Tobin did some work outside, and I sat under a tree and blogged.

We had some visits from neighbors…and it was just a good day to be out, enjoying our awesome neighborhood.

And good to get my first hint of color for the season. Not too much, though. 😉

Sunday was gorgeous…and it started off in the most amazing way. Bear with me…this is a little indulgent. But worth bragging about. A few weeks ago, I tried on a pair of pre-prego shorts, and they were nowhere near fitting me. I was bummed but wasn’t sure if there was much I could do about it.

Yesterday morning I saw a pair lying on top of a stack of clothes and grabbed them, thinking, Yeah, right.

Um, yeah, right!

They fit! (I didn’t even have to suck my belly in, either!) So, of course, I had to try on all of my shorts from two summers ago, and they. all. fit. All of them! Oh, there was much squealing and dancing around!

:)

We went to the late service, and the sermon and worship were both SO good…exactly what we needed. And to top it off, Mae actually sat through the whole service…with some help from a bottle and a container of Cheerios. 😉 We came home and spent some time outside…Mae (again) got to swing, and then when she was taking her afternoon nap, we tossed around the frisbee a little and just hung out in the awesome sunshine.

When Mae woke up from her nap, we decided we should celebrate April 10th and Isabel, so we went out for ice cream.

Sonic is kind of our favorite for a lot of reasons.

We like it, but it also represents a happy time in our lives, so we headed there. It was good to chat and remember…and let a few tears fall. But not too many…it was a really good tradition to start. And Maelie loooooves Lime Creamslushes…it was fun to watch her get excited for each bite.

It was just a fun weekend to be together… me, my hubby, and my girl.

Feeling pretty blessed.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, family, remembering

Isabel

April 10, 2011 by · 4 Comments

Typing her name feels so surreal.

Isabel Mawar.

Isabel = my all time

favorite little girl’s name. Mawar = Indonesian for rose…my middle name, my mom’s name.

She is a little girl who is spoken of at our house…but only at our house. She lives in our hearts and was part of our lives for a very short time.

Today she’ d be a year ol

d. (Well, if she had been born on her due date.

;))

I often try to picture her…I imagine she would have looked very much

like Mae. A little pudgy with lots of spunk… and lots of Schroeder.

Smiley, giggly, and definitely a bit ornery.

Her passing was not marked by anything significant. Only her daddy and I knew of her existence, which we celebrated in hushed whispers and looks exchanged between the two of us.

And we mourned her loss alone, crying deep sobs for the little life that would never be spent…at least with us.

Two months later her sister entered our lives…our precious Maelie, the girl we have come to love and cherish

and absolutely adore. Maelie is our girl, the one God meant for us to hold in our arms.

To cover with kisses, dream big dreams for, and watch grow.

But Isabel is no less our girl…and she is missed, remembered, and loved.

So loved.

None of us would change things for a second.

But on days like April 10th, I allow myself to dream.

And remember.

Isabel, we love you so much.

We can’t wait to hold you in Heaven someday.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, family, remembering

Grace

April 9, 2011 by · 2 Comments

The whole concept of grace has co me

up often in my life lately.

First, I was convicted several times about showing grace to others, especially to those I don’t often agree with.

Then, I read two really well-written, thought-provoking posts about it within days of each other. They both echoed so well the thoughts that had been swirling around in my mind.

I spent a few days processing the whole topic and decided maybe today was a good day for it. And honestly, my thoughts only begin to scratch the surface of what’s going on in my heart…but they’re a start.

Several years ago I sang a song, Grace, with another girl at church. The song itself isn’t really my style, but at the same time,

the words and message of it are so good.

So. Good.

Grace

Lord, as I seek Your guidance for the day,
I find my thoughts unyielding, confusion clouds my way.
But then when I bow to You, the challenges You guide me through,
Your promises are ever new, I claim them for today.

Your will can not lead me where Your grace will

not keep me,
Your hand will protect me, I rest in Your care.
Your eyes will watch over me, Your love will forgive me,
And when I am faltering, I still will find You there.

Each new day’s design is charted by Your hand
And graciously revealed as I seek Your Master plan.
Keep my steps faithful when from you I go,
Return me to the joy that Your blessings can bestow.

Your will cannot lead me where Your grace will not keep me,
Your hand will protect me, I rest in Your care.
Your eyes will watch over me, Your love will forgive me,
And when I am faltering I still will find You there.

Wow.

So, if this is Grace…the Grace that has been so freely, amazingly, lavished on me…what kind of Grace I am I showing to others

?

I often discuss and complain about the lack of grace I felt growing up in a fundamental Baptist church and while attending a conservative Baptist college.

Life was a series of rules and expectations…and there was not room to mess up, to question…really, to even wonder.

That life threw me for a loop and made me want to do a 180.

I don’t think I ever really flipped completely, but I definitely looked for ways to feed my “rebellious” streak without actually hurting anyone.

I pierced my belly button because I could. I went to movies because I could. I listened to whatever music I wanted because I could.

And I laugh when I look back because none of those things were wrong…they just went against what I had been told was acceptable. However, the attitude of my heart was wrong. And I never really desired to do “bad” things…I just desired to be me.

Because God’s Grace gives me the freedom to be who He has created me to be.

It gives each of us that freedom.

Over time, Tobin and I have come to where we stand on things. These choices and decisions would disappoint some people, but we came to the conclusion that we’re done trying to please others. That is not, nor has it ever been, the purpose of a relationship with God.

And in that choosing, I think I let my mind become intolerant of those with whom I strongly disagreed, specifically those who are more conservative. It isn’t like I found pleasure in ridiculing or making fun of them.

Honestly, I just thought they were crazy for not being able to see.

And a few weeks ago I was smacked upside the head with just how wrong and sinful that mindset is.

It has long frustrated me that I have felt so judged in the past for choices that I have made, never fully comprehending that I’ve been subconsciously…or not…judging others in the same way.

Sometimes I wonder…what the world would look like with a lot less judgment and a lot more grace.

Or a lot less hatred and a lot more love. Or a lot less me and a lot more Him.

He guides me; He keeps me; He gives new promises each day. He watches over me; He forgives me; when I mess up, He’s still there. He gives joy. He blesses.

All of these, and so much more, are Grace.

He bestows it to me each and every day.

The least I can do is show this Grace in return.

Father, thank you for Grace, the Grace that you show me each and every day.

Thank you for not taking away that Grace when I fail to show others the same.

Change that in me…make my life a reflection of You, of all You’ve given, of Your perfect Love.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, encouragement, what I'm learning, where I am

Five Minute Friday: Random

April 8, 2011 by · 2 Comments

A blogging friend does this, and it’s simple…write for five minutes, don’ t change any

thing. (Ok, I concede…I corrected a couple grammar errors. I canNOT publish something with bad spelling or grammar…that would be like leaving the house without brushing my teeth. ICK.) Anyway, I have to admit that I’m slightly nervous to try this because my best writing doesn’t come out in five minutes. Well, usually.

But, I’m intrigued. So here we go.

:)

I bought some killer shoes tonight.

Since returning to the States last year, I’ve only bought a few new pairs, and I really needed some nice ones (aka: something other than flip flops) to wear with the skirt that, yes, I am actually going to wear on Easter. So I went online and found them…and when I got to the store to buy them, they were even on sale.

😉 Love days like that.

They are clunky, have four inch heels…and borderline on crazy.

And I will probably break my ankle wearing them.

Here’s a pic…aren’t they SO cute?!

Our GPS complicated my evening. I left the house around eight, which left me ten minutes to get to Old Navy and fifty minutes to shop…which should have been enough time.

However, I now agree with a certain friend who will know exactly who she is…in that I dislike Randall Road and how stinkin’ hard it is to find anything there. I ended up taking an extra fifteen minutes because I just couldn’t find it! Oh, I long for the day when I can find where I need to go without the GPS.

We had a funny in our house tonight (that actually made Tobin’s status for facebook) when we looked over at dinner to find Maelie with her finger up her nos

e… grinning the whole time.

We. Just. Laughed. That’s the way it should be for awhile. In a few months, we’ll start telling her no.

:)

On a more serious note, my sweet girl has pinkeye. She woke up this morning with one eye completely matted shut, so I took her in.

The sad thing is, she probably got it from me.

That itchy, red eye I had on Wednesday? Her doctor said it was probably a viral form of pinkeye caused by that lovely sinus infection. Needless to say, we are both taking the drops that were prescribed for her. Shhhh…

Wow…five minutes, huh? Not a lot of substance, but hey…it’s entertaining. Have a great night. :)

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, fashion

Late Afternoon Caffeine

April 7, 2011 by · 1 Comment

It’s Thursday.

Three Thursdays in a row means that this is now tradition…right?

And I’m still drinking decaf, so for me, this is late afternoon NON caffeine. But that’s ok…it’s the whole sipping something fro m a

mug

while we chat thing that counts…right?

We were gone all day, from 8 am until after 3 pm. That’s a long time to be gone from home with an almost-ten-month-old. I have to admit that she was a trooper and did well and even took a cat nap for about 45 minutes.

I’ll take it. (And here’s hoping, at 4 pm, we’ve got another of those cat naps coming. She’s. SO. Tired.)

Today I’m drinking out of my very HUGE Starbucks mug. This one was a gift from a friend who went to Scotland. The thing holds 20 oz…which today translates into something that will require me to get up for a refill less often.

I’m drained, not gonna lie. I’ve never had such a crappy feeling week.

The good news is that, for the most part, I think I’m over the worst.

Hallelujah! And thanks to those of you who prayed. :)

Maelie and I were out the door by 8 am this morning to head to church because today was the big Indonesia Day at Bible Study. It was fun.

:) I made pisang goreng (fried banana) and my friends wore sarongs. They took an Indonesian quiz…which I have to admit was not very nice of me, but they were good sports.

Then I sho wed them our video and

we did some Q and A time. It was good…I really loved being able to share that part of my life with people who mean a lot to me.

I did find yesterday emotionally exhausting, though, as I went over in detail, really, the last five years. Wow.

No, WOW!!!

Sometimes it feels so surreal. To have had the privilege to be part of something like that…not just the living in another culture part, but being in the middle of all the cool things God was (and still is) doing there.

Even though I don’t look back on those five years and long to do them again, I’m so very grateful for the gift of Indonesia and the amazing memories we have. And for the gift of being here right now. Maybe that’s the biggest lesson I took away from our time there…to love the here and now and live it fully.

After Bible Study this morning, Maelie and I stayed at church for an organ recital played by our sweet friend, Kris. I’d never been to an organ recital before…it was impressive. I’m pretty sure I’ll never be able to multitask enough

to play that instrument.

Kris did a great job! And I have to brag a bit on my girl, too…who managed to sit through the whole thing.

She did so well…adding her own little touches to the whole thing. A couple coos here and there and one LARGE burp between songs, of course. Her daddy would have been proud. Her mommy was just mortified for a few seconds…and then I couldn’t stop laughing. I sure hope it didn’t ruin the meditative mood for those around us.

Then after the recital we grabbed some lunch and coffee with a friend at the place I blogged about not too long ago, Cafe Firefly. Maelie took a short nap, Alison and I chatted for awhile, then it was home for us.

Mae and I never stay out that long…I’m amazed she lasted without turning into a sobbing, tired mess.

Good for my girl…maybe there’s still hope for her and coffee dates.

:)

Taco Bell for dinner tonight. I have not done much cooking this week, and honestly, I can’t wait to crawl into bed tonight just as soon as the girl is asleep, too. Anyone else think Taco Bell is some of the best cheap fast food you can find? Granted, it’s not that good for you, but I don’t get the really-bad-for-you-full-of-fat-stuff…just the this-has-lots-of-calories-so-I-need-to-run-soon stuff. There is a difference, right

?

Ok, enough chit chat.

So, I am still being tested in the area of patience. We’re still waiting on the house, and I’m being forced to accept the fact that we may be waiting for awhile. The bank isn’t in a hurry to process anything…and I’m starting to feel anxious about things.

It’s a daily struggle for me to give it to God and to not feel that discouragement each time I see someone stop to pick up a flier from the sign in our front yard. But He knows…exactly who should live here, and we believe with all our hearts that it’s us. And that has to be enough reassurance for now. (And I must admit, as completely wrong as this sounds, I get a small amount of pleasure each time the dogs pee on the for sale sign…) :)

Maelie wore the sweetest little Bali dress today to Bible Study while I wore my Indonesian kebaya. So I’ll end with this picture that I just love…I think it’s so great that we can pass on little pieces of Indo to her even if she can’t be there to experience it. Someday. :) (It’s blurry, too close, and overexposed…but I still love it…something about how happy we both look.)

Thanks for joining me. Have a wonderful, caffeinated evening. 😉

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, coffee, friends, Maelie, where I am

Remembering Indo

April 6, 2011 by · Leave a Comment

It’s late. 10:50 late, which really isn’t late unless I have to get up at 6 a.m. Which I do.

A huge chunk of today has been spent working on my talk for tomorrow. At the beginning of the day, I thought I would just blog our “Indonesia Story” as a way to get my brain going.

An hour and a half and 1,700 words later, I wasn’t even close to finished…and I figured no one would stick around that long to read it all anyway.

😉

I wanted to give you a peek into my Indo world tonight through an awesome slide show my husband put together.

However, God must have known that since I was remembering Indonesia today, that He should give me as many reminders as possible of this fantastic place.

(It really is wonderful, there’s not too much sarcasm there.)

His last and final reminder for me tonight was giving us slow, horrible internet… just like Indo.

:) We’ve been trying to upload the slide show for too many hours, and it’ s ju

st not happening.

Some nights are just like that…and that’s ok. I still had fun remembering Indo today.

I’ll tell you all about it over coffee tomorrow.

😉

G’nite!

Sig

Filed Under: Indonesia, remembering

A Day of Barefoot

April 5, 2011 by · 1 Comment

It’s strange how, often, things we

anticipate end up being no big deal.

Today was one of those days.

I was really, really looking forward to One Day Without Shoes.

A whole day with an excuse to go barefoot!

And, more importantly, to raise awareness for something huge!

What’s not to lov

e?

Enter nasty sinus infection.

I’d had big plans to go out for coffee, take Mae to a park, maybe even walk around the mall…all barefoot. So fun! But I knew, even yesterday morning, that there was no way I’d be doing those things today.

I needed to take care of myself more than I needed to make a statement to the world…or, ahem…C’ville. 😉

I love One Day Without Shoes…I think it promotes an awesome cause, and TOMS Shoes gives so much back, not just to communities, but literally, to the world.

There’s no way I couldn’t support an organization like that. (Oh, and this is the pair I like. 😉 Well, the next time I need shoes, anyway…)

I did go barefoot all day, though, and so did my girl. :) I even went to bed last night with no socks on because

I wanted to be barefoot the. whole. day. And I took Maelie outside for a few minutes so she could swing, and we were both barefoot then, too.

The good thing is that I’ve got a whole year until the next one to get some good plans going…I think it would be fun to see an entire town go barefoot. Yeah, I dream big.

😉

And it was a good reminder for me to be thankful for all the blessings I’ ve been gi

ven.

Shoes included, even if I love being barefoot.

:)

Thanks to TOMS for all you do…and for the lives you’re changing.

And if you’re looking for a new pair of shoes, go here. You buy a pair, they give one to a child who needs them.

Win-win. Love it.

Sig

Filed Under: barefoot, blessings

Oh-So-Random

April 4, 2011 by · 2 Comments

Today has been boring…and I’m in a random sort of mood, but I guess it’

s worth sharing. And most of my time in the next couple days will be spent working on something for Thursday rather than blogging…so things might be a little shallow. Bear with me, k? 😉

I spent Maelie’s morning nap time working on my talk for Thursday…I’m telling my Bible study friends all about Indo. About halfway through, I realized I forgot to order my favorite Indonesian candy on Amazon, and now it won’t arrive on time unless I pay ridiculous shipping prices.

So I spent the other half of her nap trying to find Asian markets in the area that might have it.

I came up with one that’s (semi) close…but by the time we drive there and back, the gas will cost more than the shipping.

I hate being forgetful.

I made a new kind of mac ‘n cheese for lunch, and it was terrible. It tasted like soap, and I can’t taste anything right now, so that says something. Maelie had one bite, and I could tell from the look on her face that she was not ok with it. I fed her something else.

I guess there was a reason it was on sale. 😉

Why is it that when I’m sick I never want to eat? I have no problem with food any other time.

All I have wanted today is Wheat Thins and orange juice. Not even chocolate sounds good…so sad.

I am blessed with an incredible daughter who, on days like today, is perfectly content to spend a lot of time playing in her pack and play or jumper. She can be close to me, but I can lie on the couch and rest.

:) We did have fun reading a couple books together, though…I really can’t wait til she’s past the phase of wanting to eat the pages. We read The Kissing Hand, which always makes me cry; and Goodnight Moon, which she turns the pages to all by herself. So cute.

I thought the lightning last night was so cool…and it reminded me of Indo.

We had a lot of good thunderstorms there. I was just getting home from Target when the lightning picked up, so I stayed outside for a minute or so to drink in the awesomeness.

I love a good thunderstorm.

This cold is kicking my butt…granted, I’m a baby less than tough when I’m sick, but this one is bad.

I think it’s because my sinuses are swollen. I might be on the upswing…today was a bit better than last night, so we’ll see. And after this one, I am bound and determined that

this is the last cold til next winter.

I think Peeps are awesome. Pretty sure most of the world does not agree.

I can’t get enough of the sugar-coated, marshmallowy gooeyness, and I actually think they’re best when they’ve been in the fridge for a day or so.

I even found Peeps chapstick in the Target dollar section…I totally bought it.

Oh, yeah…

TOMORROW IS ONE DAY WITHOUT SHOES!

So kick off your shoes and go barefoot, ok?

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go paint my toenails so I can actually go barefoot.

Good night!

Sig

Filed Under: barefoot

Another Chance At Beautiful

April 3, 2011 by · 3 Comments

Before I even start writing today, I have to admit that

I’m surprised I’m attempting something so deep while my head is this foggy. (Yes, folks, cold #4! We are now blaming it on: a) a lack of a flu shot; and b) readjusting to American germs.)

Sure, works for me. 😀

And now that I’ve gotten that out there (mostly so you can all feel sorry for me…just kidding ;)) I’ll continue with the nitty-gritty honesty that is about to ensue.

It’s pretty gritty…just a warning.

*********************************

I w as

not really a cute girl.

I mean, as a baby/toddler/elementary student, sure. I had the cutes…most kids do. I’m actually totally in love with this super cheesy picture of me from around age 4.

I just think it captures who I am…even now. Someone who loves life, who’s willing to smile even when they hate their clothes (ICK!) and hair…true, oh-so-true, and who will add a little cheese to life…I do plenty of that.

But as a pre-teen and teenager, I hated the way I looked. I was not fat by any stretch of the imagination, but I wasn’t a stick-thin, size zero, either. I didn’t have the athletic ability to be a superstar or the name, which is what often determines the success of an athlete in a small town.

I was socially awkward and a nerd…and didn’t know what to do about it.

I struggled with friendships and longed with everything in me to be one of the cool kids.

I wanted so, so badly to be

Beautiful.

Nothing in me was even remotely close to it. I never had the right haircut, the right clothes, or the right people to think I might be. In fact, the only picture I have of me during that time is this one. Just check out that perm…can we scream, “90’s!” really loud, all together now?! Geez…I can’t believe I paid money for that. Ugh.

Eventually I “grew up” (haha, I know you’re all thinkin’ it! :D) and went to college, met my wonderful man, got married, had some adventures, and had my amazing baby girl.

And during that period of growing up, of course the true concept of beauty began to weave its way into my heart.

I know, now, that it isn’t the clothes I wear or what my hair looks like, although I’d like to think I’ve improved somewhat in those areas. :) I know, too, that it’s not about being friends with the cool people, although I think my friends are the absolute best! And that it’s not about driving the coolest car (although we rock the Dodge Caravan…they should soooo hire us for a commercial…) or having the most expensive house or things.

We all know that true beauty is on the inside.

But what does that beauty look like? I’ve been sorting out that concept in my head for a couple days. And came to the conclusion that

I am not beautiful.

I get jealous,

I get irritated, I get impatient. I get mean, I say things I shouldn’t, I get selfish. I mean, not all the time…but those things? They are present in my life now and then.

And it’s ugly.

I think the most amazing beauty emerges when a person is handed something ugly and chooses to make it beautiful.

My life…was ugly. Full of sin, brokenness, and anger.

I could go into minute details, but those of you closest to me don’ t need

them because you already know.

When I was sixteen, I was about as broken as a person could be…and for all purposes, abandoned, alone to sort out the mess that my life had become.

And then…I look. At the following sixteen years, and how God redeemed. How He fixed cracks and glued pieces and made things new out of shards of shatteredness.

He took a life that looked hopeless and gave me a reason to hope.

That’s beautiful.

He didn’t make everything perfect or the pain go away.

Instead, He taught me that there is beauty when we choose to rise above pain and make something out of it. But not on our own…in HIS strength.

And each day I have the choice to be

Beautiful.

A choice to put aside feelings of anger and jealousy and let the love of God control me and what goes on in my heart and actions.

To let Him take the pieces and use them for His glory.

Every single day I have

Another chance at beautiful.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, encouragement, remembering, what I'm learning, where I am
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