Stretched

February 2, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Today I pulled 3.5 miles on my treadmill, which is pretty great considering the ridiculous situation with my knee. (It hates me.)

But before I run, I always take a few minutes to stretch. If I don’t, I pay for it by the second mile and can’t go nearly as far. I have to take the time to stretch out my legs…otherwise I hurt. I mean, I hurt anyway, but I have far more endurance when I take a few minutes to stretch those muscles.

I think God is doing the same thing to me.

He’s got me in this season of life that I’d rather not experience.

You see, I like spring and summer. I like it when things are turning green and flowers are appearing and the sun is shining. I like taking walks and drinking coffee on the porch and playing at the park.

I like those happy times.

Yet I’m not so much a fan of winter…when things are dead and buried…often being repurposed, but still.

Ugh.

The gray, the wet, the slush that too often follows a beautiful snowfall. De. Press. Ing.

I’ve been hanging out in winter.

For some reason there are things God is asking of me right now…ways that He is stretching me.

He’s stretching my Trust in Him.

He’s stretching my Obedience to Him.

He’s stretching my Faith in Him.

And if we’re being honest here, it hurts.

There are days when I feel like my faith is crumbling to the ground, moments when I don’t feel like trusting, even those times when I don’t want to obey.

Times when I feel like I’m dying more than I’m living.

But just like those stretches that are so necessary before a good run, I have to believe that He’s taking my heart and turning it into something better.

That He’s taking me and using me for something greater than I could have imagined.

That He’s making me a little more like Jesus.

If I’m willing to endure the stretching.

And I am.

Sig

Filed Under: encouragement, what I'm learning, where I am

Don’t Ya Love It…

January 31, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

…when your awesome, thought provoking, blog post for the night completely messes up the formatting of the entire blog and you have to delete it

?

NO clue what I did wrong, but yeah. Good times.

Bummer, ’cause I was excited to tell you all

about everything I’m reading/planning to read… all that stuff.

(Yeah, that’s what I wrote about…but it had some fun Mel humor in there, too.) 😉

Honestly, it’s been a cruddy week. I wish it was full of smiles and laughter, but I feel like the gray that chased the sun away this afternoon kinda matches the funk I’ve been in for a few days.

Looking for some JOY tonight… I think

I know what I need to do to find it.

We’ve been studying the Beth Moore book on the fruits of the Spirit in Thursday morning Bible study, and honestly, they’re all thought provoking. But this past week, the one on the faithfulness of God really stuck out and made an impression. I don’t remember her exact words, but she basically eluded to the fact that when something in life is hard, God will often deliver us through it rather than from it.

He’s teaching me. I’m learning. I don’t know if I’m learning enough yet, but I know He’s doing things. Changing my heart. Making me a little more like Him.

It hasn’t been a great week, but it does encourage my heart to know that my Father, the Giver of all things good, loves me, cares for me, wants what’s best for me.

And is faithful to me.

Just a little thought tonight. Hey, tomorrow’s Wednesday. Halfway there.

Love you all.

Sig

Filed Under: encouragement, just life, what I'm learning, where I am, writing

Blog Reflection, #1: What You See Is What You Get

January 16, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

What you see is what you get.

It’s cliche, I know.

But it’s truly how I try to live my life.

One of my least favorite things in the world is superficiality. (Read my bio…I think I actually wrote that, but I’m too lazy to actually go look right now. ;))

I also understand to a certain degree all that comes with trying

to live that way.

It means that the whole world…or at least the wonderful people who read this blog.

..know a lot of details

of my life. Some days I’m pretty fantastic with restraint and don’t share too much; others, I throw it all out there.

It’s me. :)

And while I make no apologies,

I also know I have room to grow.

I have tried to keep

true to one of my only blogging rules…never push the delete button on a post. 99.5 or so percent of the time, I have been able to keep to that rule.

I deleted one, and I don’t regret

it.

People who know me also know that I’m wildly emotional and full of crazy love. My emotions do go up and down, and I’ m well aware of that.

It definitely shows in my blog posts some days…and I know it.

But I want to be real.

That’s me, too.

This last year has been a surprising journey.

I’ve learned things about myself I didn’t know. I’ve gotten feedback from people that made me believe that I CAN do this writing thing.

I’ve learned the importance of being myself and standing up for what I believe in. Along with that comes the realization that I am an adult and, while people can and will disagree with me, I have a right to my beliefs, just as each of you also do.

But even more so, there’s the aspect of being Christlike in all I do. I still have a long way to go. I know what I’m like some days…even when it doesn’t show through on the blog. I know the impatience and grumpy moments that emerge sometimes, causing me to say things I shouldn’t and do things I regret. But at the end of the day I’m a follower of Christ and I should reflect him in all I do…regardless of my emotions and moods.

I’m me…just Mel.

What you see is what you get.

Thank you for reading in spite of that.

You bless me. :)

Sig

Filed Under: remembering, what I'm learning, where I am, writing

Time to Talk

January 6, 2012 by · 1 Comment

God has been teach ing

me a lot about prayer in the past few days.

It’s something I’ve always struggled with…being intentional about spending time in prayer.

As a little girl, I always thought I had to stop what I was doing, bow my head, and close my eyes (no peeking!)…before I could pray.

Now I know better.

:) And while there’s definitely a time for praying like that, I’m learning how sweet it is to just talk to Him

throughout my day…as I’m washing dishes, picking up after Mae, or sweeping the floor. Sometimes it’s about me, more often it’s not. Sometimes it’s a couple sentences, sometimes I sit down and talk to Him for a few minutes.

It’s sweet.

Today there was something on my heart that was discouraging, and I didn’t know how to approach it.

I prayed, and God provided a conversation that helped me process…as His way of giving me an

answer.

It was such a good reminder to me today…

That God wants His children to talk

to Him.

That He wants to meet the needs that are most pressing on their hearts.

That the talks I have with my Father are precious…and it is time well spent.

Just a little reminder today but something I wanted to share.

Happy weekend, friends!

Sig

Filed Under: just life, prayer, what I'm learning

When We Break

January 4, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

I was listening to a song on KLove a couple days ago…

This one. I really love

it.

So when I heard it for the hundredth time the other day, I was jammin’ and probably playing the drums on my steering wheel…and I almost missed this line…for some reason its meaning never registered before.

Why don’t you break my heart ’til it moves my hands and feet.

Yikes.

That was a good yikes, but still a yikes.

It got me thinking, though…how there are so many broken people right now.

People I know, people I don’t know…and me.

Yeah, I’m broken.

Truthfully, I’ve been breaking for awhile now, and it kind of just happened through different situations and circumstances…and life.

I suppose everyone breaks once in awhile.

But I don’t look at that brokenness as a negative thing…I see the potential for God doing some awesome things through it.

Then I started thinking about so many amazing people whom God has used because they were broken…not because they were perfect and flawless.

I’m gonna tell you a story. One that, amazingly, I haven’t shared here on the blog yet.

About eight years ago, there was this girl.

She’d been married about a year and was being pressured by people we don’t n ame here to find

a teaching job. She made a few phone calls, but her current certificate didn’t allow her to teach in the public schools, and so her job search was limited…and looking hopeless.

Until she stumbled on an open teaching position for 4th and 5th grades at a small Baptist school about 3o minutes from her house.

She interviewed and was hired not only to teach those two grades but also to be the volleyball coach.

She was hopeful and optimistic, though she knew her beliefs and standards didn’t quite line up with the school and church, which she’d be required to attend. (They were pretty conservative.) Still she thought there was potential for reaching lives and was excited to begin.

It was a tough year. More hours spent working than you can possibly imagine, including many Friday nights. An administration that was less than supportive and often made her feel inadequate. A big class with some pretty amazing students…but some pretty strong and stubborn personalities, too. Being so wrapped up in school that there was little time left for anything else.

It all came to a big collision sometime in the middle of April.

This girl…Mel…she broke.

She couldn’t do it anymore.

The months she’d spent pouring into these kids lives felt like a waste.

She didn’t feel welcome at the school or the church. She’d been told by people in power that she was different and that she wasn’t a good fit for the school or the church. She wasn’t eating or sleeping well.

And it was time to go.

And so…go, she did. Without the chance to say goodbye at all.

It was devastating and made her want to turn her back on all she had always said she believed.

I left that school in April, sure that no

school would ever touch me again.

After all, who hires a teacher who quit her previous job a month before the end of the school year?

I was also fairly sure we might never look for another church…because for those first few, raw weeks following the end of this experience, I wasn’t sure I wanted anything to do with Christians.

But what I love about this story was that…to God be the GLORY…it didn’t end on that April night when I packed up my classroom into the wee hours of the morning and left.

Tobin and I took some time to process and search…and heal.

The parent of one of my students in that class called a week or two after everything blew up. She didn’t push, she didn’t make me feel guilty.

She just wanted two things. To listen. And to love.

Theresa became one of my dearest friends. (And her daughter, one of my former students and now my friend, is Maelie’s middle namesake. :))

We went to her church, ABC…and felt like we were home.

We were loved and cared for during our year there…giving us a chance to get our feet underneath ourselves again to prepare for the next adventure.

Indonesia.

I won’t go into being used by God there…because really, He knows it. We don’t know so much.

We know that we were used, but we also know how much people were used in our lives during that time.

And then it was time for the next adventure…here. :)

On that April night when I thought my teaching career was over…and possibly my faith, too…God took this broken mess and used it.

That’s why the line in that song is so precious to me…and why He is so precious to me.

Because when we break, that’s when He does some mighty things.

Break my heart ’til it moves my hands and feet…

Sig

Filed Under: remembering, what I'm learning, where I am

Christmas Blessings

December 23, 2011 by · 1 Comment

Maybe yesterday’s heart spillage was healing for me.

I went to bed and woke up feeling like I actually slept…which is something I haven’t felt for weeks.

And?

It was a good day.

Like, a really good one.

There were smiles and laughter.

The laughter began early when we discovered that our gymnast-of-a-daughter was turning somersaults in her crib. I kid you not. We’ve seen her do it once before but thought it was a fluke…apparently not. Seriously?!?!

There were reflections on the season

and moments of rejoicing. Mostly due to the fact that I took some time to truly think about what I wrote about Mary yesterday. I decided she’s definitely one of my heroes.

There was a 3-mile run spent singing along to my favorite Christmas songs. (Sorry if you were driving by and happened to hear me…it is very hard to sound good when you’re out of breath and wearing earbuds. But I SANG. And it was really good.) And to make you laugh…I know all the words to You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch. I blame Newsong for putting it on their Christmas CD.

😉

Maybe the biggest blessing of the day was being able to encourage a friend. You know how when you are hurting and feel like you are the one needing the encouragement? This opportunity fell into my lap…and it made my heart happy.

Sometimes my favorite thing in the world is making someone else’s day a little brighter.

I’ve talked about JOY over and over…knowing full well that it’s often a choice.

But at the same time, making that choice to find JOY in my days has become almost habit. I think that’s a good thing.

I’m really looking forward to celebrating the next few days with family and friends.

I hope you are feeling blessed this season.

If you’re not, take some time and count those blessings…you’ ll be surprised how much JOY is in a day.

:)

Love to you…and thanks for praying.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, just life, what I'm learning, where I am

Two Thoughts

December 22, 2011 by · Leave a Comment

I was reading some of my favorite blogs tonight and was struck by two different thoughts that somehow tie together in my mind…and actually make sense with the place I am tonight.

I’ll start with a very UNdetail-oriented overview of life lately.

It’s been really hard. And I can’t give you details, just ask for

your prayer.

At the same time, I know that this difficult time…this brokenness…is what God is asking me to do right now.

And it WILL be good and it WILL be what He wants, but that DOESN’T mean it’s easy.

I haven’t been able to talk through things with anyone. At times, I desperately feel the need to process what’s going on in my heart, but I’m seeing the wisdom in the fact that, through circumstances, God is asking me to wait before I talk. (New concept for me, definitely. ;))

And so I wait in what seems like darkness and oblivion.

And I choose to trust though I’ll admit that I don’t understand.

And through tears, I find JOY buried somewhere deep in side.

..choosing to see it in the small things that make up a day. A hug from my daughter, a text or call from a friend, a promise from the Word, a cup of coffee.

The last two weeks have been spent walking this road, doing just these things.

And then I think back to Mary…and how she did these same things… on a much greater scale.

What was being asked of her, she never would have chosen. The road of judgment and fear and unknown that He asked her to travel…she did so with complete trust.

I’m sure there were days when it was dark.

I’m sure there were moments when she just couldn’t understand why God chose her to carry His Son.

I’m sure she sometimes had to dig deep to find JOY in the midst of something so unknown…so scary.

Yet, she chose to be obedient and do what God asked of her when He asked it.

I’m not sure these two connect for any of you…but it’s where my heart is tonight.

What I love about God’s promises is that they are just that…PROMISES.

He doesn’t leave those He loves brokenhearted. Without hope. Unloved. Forgotten.

He does exactly the opposite. He heals the brokenhearted. He gives a Hope that is more sure than anything.

He Loves with an everlasting Love.

And He is with me always… never leaving my side.

I ask for your prayers…but I also completely trust my Father.

Sometimes life is hard.

But my God is still so very Good…and I cling to that. :)

Love you all.

Sig

Filed Under: what I'm learning, where I am

30 Days of Thanks, Day 30: Discipline

November 30, 2011 by · Leave a Comment

In January, I chose a word for the year.

Discipline.

I had no idea at the time how (or if) God would use it to stretch me or grow me. But it has definitely been a part of my year…and I am learning to be thankful for it…even though I don’t think discipline is ever easy.

When I committed to blogging every day for a year, I knew it would require a certain amount of discipline…and I truly wondered if I would follow through. Most of that has involved being a little more organized on my part, and organization is not something that comes naturally for me. I had to learn how to fit in writing around priorities without making everything else revolve around the blog. (Does that make sense? ;)) I’ll admit that there have been a few times when we’ve been with friends or had friends over, and I’ve had to pull out the laptop and come up with something before midnight. Thankfully, they always laughed…and once or twice even gave me ideas. :)

However, I can almost guarantee you that once my year of blogging is done, I’ll only be blogging a few times a week.

You know, like a normal blogger. :)

God has also been teaching me a lot of discipline in the area of eating. Before I got pregnant with Maelie I was active and in pretty good shape. But once mommyhood arrived in all of its sleep-deprived, showerless, dirty-diaper glory, I stopped caring so much.

I know that sounds bad…and totally isn’t me.

It did bug me…especially the poochy baby-belly, but not enough for me to discipline myself to do something about it.

Around the end of May, a friend from church mentioned an idea; she wanted to have a Biggest Loser competition from people at our church. I thought…sure, why not?

I worked out pretty faithfully all summer, but when it came to food…I still ate. Whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.

Through the entire ten weeks of the competition, I think I lost around five pounds.

I knew I had failed myself and I also knew I hadn’t tried hard enough.

And when it was mentioned that there was going to be another round of the BL…I decided that this time, I was going to win.

I cut my calories (a little TOO drastically at the beginning), started running and/or strength-training every day…

And it was amazing. Don’t misunderstand me, It. Was. HARD.

I said no to a lot of things…to cupcakes, to lattes, to pizza, to chocolate, to more than one cup of coffee a day. I had to replace those things with a lot of water, protein shakes, and energy bars. Some days I just wanted a Milky Way.

When the alarm went off at six a.m. the last thing I wanted to do was get up and run…but I had to. I slowly built my endurance back to where it should be and even ran a 5k in almost 30. Almost…next time! :)

And I did win…but by the end, winning didn’t matter so much. I had seen the number on the scale, and that was enough. :)

I don’t say these things to brag about what I’ve done because I truly believe God was helping me each step of the way. He knew the things I needed to do and gave me the strength to do them.

I am not a crazy health nut now…I’m just learning balance. That I can have that pizza…once in awhile, but not every day. That a cupcake is fine, as long as I have one. I also found energy bars that I love…and really don’t want to stop eating, so that’ s always good, huh? And a bit weird… :)

The one area I know I still need to work on is being consistent with spending time in God’s Word. I love my sleep too much, and getting up too early makes me crabby. (I’m not making excuses…I’m being honest.)

But just as I’ve found time in my day for all of those other things that are priorities, I know I need to find time for my Father, too.

Just as He’s helped me find discipline in those other areas, I know He’ll help me with this, too.

Thank You, God, for discipline.

Sig

Filed Under: 30 Days of Thanks, just life, what I'm learning

30 Days of Thanks, Day 27: Solitude

November 27, 2011 by · Leave a Comment

I’m an extrovert.

I know that’s news to all of you. 😉

Anyone who knows me well knows that I thrive around people…that I need them in order to be sane.

In fact, the reason I love being a stay-at-home mom is because I’m not alone…I spend my days with this fantastically, energetic, wonder of a little girl. But we also get out a lot…grocery shopping, Target, Bible study, play places, coffee dates.

I make it a priority to be sure we’re around people often…because that’s how I thrive.

However, in the two years prior to this one, God taught me some very important lessons through something very out of my ordinary.

Solitude.

When I got pregnant with Maelie, I was so, so sick. I spent most of my days in bed with no company other than my sweet puppies and my pembantu, who would spend time with me when she could.

Because it was my first year at home and I wasn’t teaching, I also felt very disconnected from school life and really only had two friends, who I would see occasionally, but not often.

It was a very lonely existence, and I couldn’t wait for Tobin to come home after school just so I could have someone near me.

I also went through solitude in a different way last year.

See, we moved to this new place where we didn’t know a soul. And even though I did make some friends after a month or two, I still didn’t have a car. That meant a lot of days at home…and though I am extremely thankful that I had my Mae, I definitely longed for adult interaction…and welcomed Thursdays by literally jumping out of bed. :)

But I was thinking about those years today and how they were good…

And how God was good…

despite the Solitude.

On those days when I didn’t even have the strength to get out of bed, I’ d talk to God. I learned, really learned, how to talk to my Father that year. He also showed me that though He doesn’t always answer our prayers the way we would like, He was still enough for me that year. That on those days when I didn’t have anyone, I had Him.

And last year, He taught me so much of the same. How He could still give good things…like friends who love us and a great place to be…even if I didn’t have a car and even if I didn’t get out often.

I know these lessons seem small in comparison to the many things people deal with in their daily lives, but they’re BIG to me.

Because I’m a girl who thrives in a crowd…and I learned to thrive in solitude, too.

Thank You, God, for those alone moments…and for what You teach me through them.

And thanks for not making me be alone so much anymore, too. :)

Sig

Filed Under: 30 Days of Thanks, just life, what I'm learning, where I am

Worth

October 9, 2011 by · 1 Comment

So…it’s been way too long since I’ve had a coffee date with a friend withOUT having to chase a little girl around the confines of a Starbucks.

I am, in fact, dying for some girl time and a good cup of coffee, but I guess that will have to wait a bit longer. Tonight, I’ll have to settle for a mug of java and writing to you all from my couch. At least the girl is in bed, and I am semi-able to tune out the Packer game. 😉

It’s been kind of a funky weekend.

We thought we had plans to go

look at a couple cars yesterday morning, but those changed so we ended up having nothing to do. Around 11, Tobin asked if I wanted to go to St. Charles for lunch, and I immediately jumped at the chance. (There are some of the coolest places to eat there…and, truthfully, I was dying to do something.)

So we hopped in the car and drove 30 minutes…only to find this.

People everywhere, not a parking spot to be found…or a free t

able at a restaurant, for that matter.

We turned around, went through the McDonald’s drive-thru (for Tobin and Mae…I ate a Clif bar ;)) and went home.

Fail.

Thankfully there was a bit of redemption to the day.

We had hired two babysitters to come watch Mae that night so we could go to an event that our church organizes called What’s For Dinner? Basically, couples are randomly assigned to groups throughout the year and take turns having dinner with different people. We had a lot of fun…and it was great to get to know some new people. And, as a bonus, Maelie loved her babysitters, and they loved her…so all was good.

Still… definitely a non-normal Saturday.

And today, I’ve just been tired and blah.

It started out okay. I had praise team this morning, but Maelie wanted nothing to do with sitting in church, so once again Tobin spent the service in the nursery with her. And I spent the service feeling guilty. To be honest, those kind of mornings are pretty rough.

So we came home, fed the girl some lunch, played with her a bit, and put her down for her afternoon nap which, thankfully, she took. And it was long.

I puttered around waiting for a friend to stop over to borrow something, and then I decided I just needed to clear my head so I cranked up my iPod and went for a run.

At least it got me thinking….

And as a d isclaimer, th

is is not a pity party. It’s where I am, but if you want, you can go now. I’ll still love you.

:)

It got me thinking about the word Worth.

What is my value to others? Should I have value to others

? Is that what’s important?

This morning I made a passing comment to a friend that sometimes I felt frustrated that I’m just Mel. I’m not reallly, really good at any one thing. I sing, I play guitar and piano, I write, I’m a wife, I’m a mommy…and while I try to do those things well, I don’t always feel like I do.

I spend far too much of my time worrying about what others think of me.

I’m human.

I want my friends to value me and have a place in their lives for me. I want to know that I actually add something to the lives of those around me.

I don’t want to spend my life just being, though there is definitely a time and a place for that.

I guess I just want to feel like I’m worth something.

Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. Hang on with me, k? 😉

I was tossing these ideas around in my head as I jogged around Carpenter Park,and my thoughts went back to 1 Corinthians 13, the Love

chapter. Which, of course, I had to read. :)

It was humbling to consider these words.

Especially in light of my overly-human characteristics, my desire to be better at things than I am…and sometimes, to be more than the person God created me to be.

There are days when I’d love for someone to think, Wow, she can really sing; or Yikes, she can rock a guitar; or What a great mom.

In the end, though…it’s about love.

I could be all of those things, but if I don’t have love, I am nothing.

Worthless.

I’m not sure I have much to add after that…it definitely gave me something to think about as I search for where I find my worth, my value.

Of all the things I want to be remembered for, I’d most like to be known for Love.

I have a long way to go.

God, help me to Love.

Sig

Filed Under: just life, what I'm learning, where I am
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