Just What’s Up

October 18, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Gonna be short-ish tonight.

I can’t believe how tired I’ve been this week, and I have the best of intentions to actually get up and run tomorrow morning. 6:30ish early because if I go any later, then I see too many people. And though I’m sure I impress people with my astounding speed and form?

HA. HA. (Just clarifying.) 😉

Pretty during my morning run, I am not. :)

But I really need to get myself up and do a few miles. Because of this.

Yeah, it’s a whopping two weeks away, and I’ve slacked so much lately that I’m only pulling about a 28/29 5k. Would really like to run this one in the 27’s or even the 26’s, so we shall see. I’ll be bonding with early mornings until then. (And downing copious amounts of caffeine to make up for the lost sleep.) 😉

My awesome Bible study group…I seriously love these women. And I finally have a picture of us, so here y’all go. (Well, it’s most of us…the group has changed some.) And I don’t own the picture but pretty sure no one’s going to care if I post it here. Anyway, we started a new book today, Unglued. I love it…the author is just so good. So REAL…which I need right now. Plus, she writes like a blogger and tells funny stories that make me say, Hey, I’m totally there with you. (Admits the girl who had an “unglued” moment right before she walked out the door for Bible study this morning. Oy…)

All that to say, I’m really looking forward to it. :)

So Maelie watches Veggie Tales before she goes to bed. She loves them, and I still find them entertaining. (A few, I even really love.) This particular silly song is SO me and Mae…already. Cracks me up every time. 😀

Enjoy! And, g’nite, all! (No pun intended.) 😉

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, church, friends, just life, Maelie, running, what I'm learning, where I am

Serve MORE

October 15, 2012 by · 2 Comments

I really love my church.

I think I’ve talked about that here and there. :) 

About a week ago, Tobin, Maelie, and I participated in an outreach called Serve MORE. It was really, really great. And I love Immanuel even MORE after it…what a beautiful picture of the body of Christ coming together to be his hands and feet.

A man from our church put this video together. I really wanted to embed it onto my blog, but for whatever reason, Tobin and I couldn’t figure out how. So you’ll have to click here…but that’s ok. It’s worth it. :)

And here’s a pic of us at the nursing home. (Mae was a bit wiggly by that point, but we did get her to sing Jesus Loves Me…right into the microphone. ;))

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, church, friends, just life, what I'm learning, where I am

The Difference of a Few Words

September 26, 2012 by · 2 Comments

Several years ago when the book, The Five Love Languages, became popular, I read it.

As any emotional, feel-y female would be, I connected with the fact that Gifts was my love language. (Who doesn’t love a good gift?!?!)

But as I’ve spent much more of my time in the past few years writing and hanging with people, I’ve realized that Gifts actually comes further down the list than I once thought. My two love languages? Are really Words of Encouragement/Affirmation and Quality Time.

Especially words. We ALL need them, whether we admit it or not.

God has been challenging me in the last year or so to be intentional about using my words to build others up. That can be done in many ways…a blog post, a simple face-to-face conversation, a text, a phone call, a card.

In fact, I will shamelessly admit that I keep cards. So if you’ve ever sent me a little note or a card, I probably have it saved somewhere. :)

Words of encouragement have such a healing, uplifting power…at least for me. And for probably a lot of other people, too. :)

Dayspring recently sent me a free packet of cards…which I LOVE! (Thanks, guys! :)) They sent me the Colors of Compassion set, and as I looked through each one, I actually thought of several people that those cards were a perfect fit for. Someday…when a little word love is needed. :)

But there was one that caught my eye and challenged me to step out of my box. So, pardon me while I do a little storytelling. 😉

Two years ago, my family and I moved to Illinois from Indonesia. But between those two places, we had a quick six weeks in Minnesota and a teeny-bit of time to reconnect with our church from pre-overseas life. The church had changed quite a bit in five  years, though we still had several friends there. There was a woman there that I literally met in passing, and we had a few conversations during those weeks, but when we moved, I didn’t really keep in touch with her.

But I did read her blog.

And about a month ago, I caught up on it, and it made my heart bleed. She was going through some really tough things and was so open and honest about her struggles. I admired her courage for sharing the difficult and realized that, though I barely knew her, I could relate to a lot of what she wrote through the different seasons I’ve had in life.

But I had no idea what I could do. I said a prayer for her when I thought of her, and that was that…or at least I thought it was. Maybe our paths would cross again someday.

And then a few days ago I got a card in the mail. It was a completely unexpected, simple, I’m thinking of you note from a friend, and it made my day.

I thought about how much those few words meant to me at this particular time…and asked myself, Why don’t you just send her a note? The worst that can happen is she’ll never reply.

As I flipped through the stack of cards that I’d stashed in a drawer, I found the right one, wrote her a note, addressed it, and mailed it before I had time to chicken out.

I don’t know what will come of it, honestly, and that’s ok.. When I went back and thought about all she’d processed and shared with those who read her space, I realized she just needed some encouragement. Someone to let her know that there were prayers being said for her. Maybe a friendship will come of it, and maybe not, but either way…it’s all ok.

It was a chance to build up a sister-in-Christ.

I really hope it makes her smile. And reminds her she is Loved.

What about you? Is there someone you can encourage? Pull out your phone and send a text to a friend you know is struggling. Take time to jot a note to that friend you haven’t seen in ages but wish you could gab for hours over coffee with. Leave a comment on a friend’s blog just to say hey. (No subtle hints here, I promise. ;))

There are so many ways to make a difference with just a few words

Be blessed today, my friends. Love you all. :)

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, church, encouragement, friends, just life, remembering, what I'm learning, where I am, writing

Rainy Night Thoughts

September 13, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

I love a rainy night. :)

Especially the kind when hubby forgets to close our bedroom windows and the temperature is just perfect for making a cup of hot cocoa and climbing into bed under a fleece blanket to update the blog.

As close to perfection as it’s going to get for now. :)

All that’s missing is a fireplace, but I’m guessing that won’t be happening anytime soon around here. Though my neighbor has one…maybe I’ll crash her living room on the next rainy, I-need-to-blog-and-feel-cozy night. :)

I do have to tell you that I love my new, red fleece blanket, though. You know that 5k I ran last weekend? The goodie bag rocked. A cute t-shirt (5k t’s are rarely cute) AND a blanket. The kind that screams, You know you want to go to take a nap just so you can cover yourself up with me. Yep, that kind of blanket.

Be jealous. 😉

It feels like it’s been a long time since I’ve just written…you know, had a virtual coffee date with you all like I used to. Except tonight we’re havin’ hot cocoa. And it’s good despite the fact that I had to dig through the cupboard to find a packet of it, and I’m sure it’s been there for at least a year, but I think it might be closer to two. Hey, isn’t that what preservatives are for???

So, since we’re catching up, I guess I’ll just talk about…we’ll just see where it goes.

I finished Kisses From Katie yesterday.

I can honestly tell you that, besides the Bible, it’s not only the best book I’ve ever read; it’s also the most life-changing. Read it…testimonies of God’s abounding grace just leap off the pages. I saw pieces of myself in her, but mostly I saw the Father’s heart…which I think was the point.

You won’t be disappointed. I promise.

And as a complete side note…I feel like I understand myself and where I’ve been a little more after reading this piece of her story, too. Sometimes it’s hard to explain to people why we spent time overseas…it was cool too see her put into words some of the reasons. I could relate. :)

Ok, just read it. (And I’ll move on to something else.)

My sweet girl is all but done napping. It’s a blessing and a curse all rolled into one. Her non-nappingness (Golly, I looooooooove my word creations sometimes!) gives us more flexibility with our days, and that’s definitely a bonus. But it also makes the days long. It also means potentially super-crabby evenings, but also almost guarantees that she will crash the second her head hits her special pillow.

Yes, she has a special pillow. And tonight, she has special jammies, which I had to pull out and cut the tags off and get her really excited about because the worn-almost-every-night princess jammies are a) dirty; and b) too non-covering for a night like tonight. Thankfully she bought my made-up excitement about jammies covered with snowmen and reindeer that I bought for 70% off last January. :))

Someday she will read this and be embarrassed…thankfully that day is not today. 😉

I love her. And I suppose the fact that she got excited about Christmas jammies in September is comparable to me and my new blanket. (Which is still super comfy, since I know you’re all wondering!) 😉

It’s been kind of an up and down few weeks, but I’ve been thankful for what He’s doing despite the roller coaster moments. I’ve tried to be intentional about counting my blessings…it’s amazing to look around and see all the good that surrounds a day despite circumstances and emotions.

I almost skipped my run this morning, but I’m so glad I didn’t.

The weather was perfect, and I made a new running playlist a few days ago, and I was excited to hear more of it. I basically went through every song in my iTunes, picked my very favorites, and shuffled them.

Toward the middle of mile two, this one came on. I hadn’t heard it for months…and I didn’t even remember adding it to to the playlist. But sometimes God just surprises me…and this was a blessing. I hope you’ll take the time to listen to it. :)

And each time I will fall short of Your glory, how far will forgiveness abound?

And You answer, “My child, I love you. And as long as you’re seeking My face, you’ll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace.”

Powerful words from my Father…Wow.

Love you all…thanks for stopping by. :)

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, coffee, encouragement, family, just life, Maelie, music, reading, what I'm learning, where I am

In This Brokenness

September 1, 2012 by · 6 Comments

In accepting the brokenness I have found hope and beauty. I’m learning it’s by grace alone that we face each day.

These words hit me in a very powerful way several days ago. Written by an author for one of my favorite blogs, she shared a very candid account of how she’d had to learn to see the beauty in something that could potentially destroy a momma’s heart.

I thought about her words for awhile…and kept them in the back of my mind, wanting to process them more fully to see what God might be teaching me through what she shared.

I had no idea.

I had no idea that sometimes God breaks us to the point of having nothing to lean upon but His grace.

I had no idea He’d do that to me.

You see, I’m a person who has a hard time admitting weakness. And it had been a tough week. My daughter is two. Battles galore. My daughter is two. More time-outs than are worthy of counting. My daughter is two. What feels like constant correcting.

Trying to do all of those things in love.

But still…

My daughter is two.

And I am a human being. Not supermom.

I can try all I want, but I will never be perfect.

Wednesday afternoon came, and out of the blue, so did the very thing that broke me.

I didn’t see it coming.

I had no idea.

It literally about destroyed me.

I fell into my husband’s arms and sobbed. I held my daughter close and cried even more. The tears flowed as a friend interrupted her schedule to listen and hold my hand and pray and just be there.

I couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t think of anything else. Couldn’t bring myself to face the world, the same one that usually gives this extreme people person the energy to thrive.

I told myself from the beginning that I had to keep going. But that didn’t mean it was easy.

I wanted to stay in bed. I couldn’t go to Bible study. Two visits from friends brought more tears than I wanted to cry.

I just wanted to see purpose behind heartbreak.

It’s been a few days, and I’m still in that emotional, searching-for-understanding, mode. There are still tears that threaten to spill as I sit in Starbucks and try to find words for a brokenness that is so real. So painful that it feels like the life is being sucked out of me.

And then I go back to the words she shared from a heart that knows what it’s like to bleed…

We’re all broken, and it’s by His grace alone that we face each day.

I don’t know how to get through this one.

I tell you that openly and honestly. Because my heart hurts, and I want more than anything to understand the purpose behind the pain.

But it is, truly, by His Grace alone that I have gotten out of bed on Thursday.

And Friday.

And today.

And I know I’ll get up tomorrow and trust Him to get me through the day…just like He has each day before.

I have the hope, in this brokenness, that He will bring beauty from something that shattered this momma’s heart.

***Thanks to each of you for reading. I realize I didn’t share many details here, and I know you’re probably curious. I want you to know two things. First, my family is fine. We’re loving on each other. And two, I hope that someday, when the pain is less and the beauty is more, that I can share more openly with you. In the meantime, thanks for just taking the time to read this space. You know I love you.

:)

Sig

Filed Under: Maelie, Tobin, what I'm learning, where I am

Dependence

August 22, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Sometimes I forget it’s where I should be, this place of dependence.

Because I get wrapped up in all that surrounds me.

I act as though the blessings around me aren’t fulfilling, aren’t a testimony of His mercy and grace in my life.

As if that free gift, the only thing I ever truly need, isn’t enough for me to feel complete.

Can I be honest with you, friends?

I hate the lies that I, all too often, allow Satan to feed me. What’s worse, I believe them.

When they start to overtake even a tiny corner of my mind, it’s all downhill.

His grip is powerful but not as powerful as my Father’s.

Life, lately, has seemed to be just this…allowing aspects of it to become overshadowed by untruth. Words hurt, lies creep in, and I let my heart get so wrapped up in those other things around me that it no longer belongs completely to my Father. My wholeness is found in the imperfect of this world rather than the perfect Love of Him.

Deep breath…

…because His mercies are new each and every day. He is my Rock. I won’t be shaken. He’ll lift me up and help me to stand. Give overwhelming, all-sufficient grace that is more than enough for each day.

Sometimes I think being dependent in this way is the best place to be.

Because when life is perfect, we somehow forget about the need.

But I? Most certainly need Him.

Father, keep me in the place where I never, ever forget that.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, encouragement, music, what I'm learning, where I am

Blessings for Today

August 17, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

I read a really good reminder this morning in the book, Jesus Calling.

“Accept each day just as it comes to you. Do not waste your time and energy wishing for a different set of circumstances. Instead, trust Me enough to yield to My design and purposes. Remember that nothing can separate you from My loving Presence; you are Mine.

I love it.

I love, even more, how God knows exactly what I need each day…and how He always gives it.

It doesn’t always look the same.

Sometimes His measure of mercy, from an earthly perspective, looks far bigger for one day than it does for another. On days like Wednesday, when I was fighting pain and desperately needed healing, it was more tangible.

Today is different. Yes, there is pain, but it’s more manageable and isn’t the type that I spend time crying to God, begging for healing.

He knows my needs each day and gives according to what He knows I need…not according to what I think I need.

I love that about Him.

The rest of today, and for at least the weekend, I’m going to intentionally focus on those blessings…however He chooses to give them.

Today they came in simpler forms, but were no less than blessings…a friend offering to take Maelie for the morning. A nap. Tobin being able to work half a day in the office. A shower and the energy to do my hair and makeup. A visit from a friend. A facebook note from a friend. A chocolate banana smoothie from my hubby. Friends who are bringing us dinner tonight. A chance to slow down and reflect. A smiling girl who understands mommy’s “owie” and continually reminds me that Jesus will make it better.

Tell me that I’m not one of the most blessed people on the planet.

Wishing you all a wonderful weekend! Lotsa love to you, my friends.

:)

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, friends, just life, Maelie, Tobin, what I'm learning, where I am

There’s No Place Like The Purple Couch

August 16, 2012 by · 2 Comments

I’m back. :)

So I ended up taking a two day hiatus from the blog. And that’s ok. I need to give myself permission for things like that.

Especially when abdominal surgery is involved. :)

So the gall bladder came out on Tuesday.

The surgery itself was fine…I cried a little when they took me back to the OR and made me say goodbye to Tobin. But they gave me some type of sedative that had me floating within seconds, and before I knew it we were in the Operating Room. I vaguely remember them moving me to the operating table and strapping me down, and the next thing I remember is coming out of it all and doing something totally Mel.

Yeah, when the nurse asked me what I needed, I told her I wanted a hug.

Thank God for nurses who oblige strange requests, and even better, don’t make the patient feel like a complete idiot for asking in the first place. 

She totally gave me a hug and then held my hand ’til I came to a little more.

:)

At the time I thought it was completely normal to need a hug…now I roll my eyes at myself. However I suppose it IS better than spending the entire operation talking to my surgeon about something obscure. (Which, to my knowledge, did NOT happen. Another thank You, God.)

Tuesday afternoon was full of morphine and naps and a visit from my daughter and some sweet friends who were definitely good for my heart.

But since I was still in pain, the morphine continued to be administered.

By the next morning I still couldn’t eat anything or keep more than a tiny sip of water down, and I had a headache on top of all of that.

They figured it was the morphine making me sick, and I had to wait it all out for several hours before I could have anything more for pain. Or nausea. Or my headache. I’ll spare you the details, only to say that it was a miserable 4-5 hours.

I remember lying in that bed having a conversation with God. There was a lot of pleading with Him just take the pain away. I’m so thankful that in moments of weakness like that…especially when praising Him and giving thanks to Him were the furthest things from my mind…that He still hears prayer and answers it.

He sent a few things…a text from a friend, a phone call from my pastor, a quick chat with a nurse…to help take my mind off of the pain, too.

Once they were able to give me different pain meds and they kicked in, I perked up. I actually ate jello and crackers and even half of a turkey sandwich around 11 pm. (That is SO me…again.) :) I watched part of the Tonight Show and managed to get a decent night’s sleep, which I think is what really helped.

Today was ok…less pain, though it is still there and will be for a few days. I was blessed with some pretty great nurses who were there, for the most part, all three days I was in. It was nice to be on a first-name basis. :) Though when Tobin and Maelie came to get me around 1:30 this afternoon, I was definitely ready to go.

I went straight to our purple couch and have been (mostly) resting there since. A couple friends have stopped by, and those visits were definitely spirit-lifters. Life is good.

It’s always good to look back after a few not-so-easy days to see God in the smallest details. Gallbladder surgery was nothing earth-shattering, but it was still nice to have those reminders of His love and care.

Well, it’s getting somewhat late, and I can’t wait to crash for the night.

On the couch.

Oh, there’s no place (at least for now) like the purple couch. :)

Thanks for your prayers, friends.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, encouragement, family, friends, just life, prayer, what I'm learning, where I am

Rest

August 11, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

The other night Tobin commented on how quiet Maelie was when I put her to bed that night.

I told him it was usually that way. Because before I put her into her crib, we always take about ten minutes to rock, cuddle, and sing. It’s a special time of day for me with my girl, and even if she starts out those minutes wiggly and hyper and ready to run circles, she always calms down and snuggles close within a few minutes.

I’ve continued to think about that since our conversation… it really is a beautiful picture of our Father.

Sometimes life is just like that pre-cuddle-with-Maelie time…it’s full of those crazy, so-anxious-we-want-to-run-laps, emotions that threaten to swallow us completely. Feeling that it’s impossible to sit still and just Rest.

As I processed through some things this past week, there was one thing that really calmed this heart.

Taking that time to sit, be still, and spend time with my Father. Sometimes I wish He could give me a real hug, but the promises in His Word are just as good.

I’ve got a couple days coming up that are going to have moments of anxiety.

Instead of letting those feelings overtake me, I’m choosing to find rest in my Father.

He is so, so, Good.

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, just life, Maelie, what I'm learning, where I am

Hard

August 8, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

She’s asleep for the afternoon, and I sit down.

To exhale.

To contemplate.

To maybe-write.

To process, but not too much.

I don’t want to think that deeply.

If I can be honest with you, I’m less than a minute into this thing, and the tears are already streaming down my cheeks.

My head has no clue why, but my heart does.

It has been such a hard year.

Yes, in the middle of August, it’s been a hard year.

There are the typical marriage things that come up. No one’s is perfect, and mine is nowhere near. We are learning, we are growing, we are loving each other, we are trusting Him…and that’s all we can do.

It’s not bad. There are very good moments. But it’s still hard…this learning, growing, stretching, process of change that pounds and molds and chips away the bad parts of each half.

That’s how it should be.

But it’s hard.

I fight the feeling of worth. Yes, this is home. Yes, I spend my days with the most wonderful little girl.

But let’s be real for a minute…no fluff allowed.

She’s two.

And while two is exactly what she should be, it’s still hard.

It’s a daily battle of walking that fine, almost-invisible line of discipline and love, of grace and correcting. I sometimes feel like I stink at at. Especially when she looks at me, tears threatening to spill, after a time-out, and it takes everything in me to not burst into tears myself.

I suppose this is normal mommyhood.

But it’s still hard.

And being the extrovert I am, that person who thrives around social interaction, coffee, and lots of chatting and people…it’s been a lonely summer.

Part of that is me…maybe I should have called more people. But part of me wonders where exactly my place is in this community. When I think of someone as a friend, do they think the same thing?

It sounds so teenager, but it’s real. We’re women, and I think we’re all in that place from time to time.

We wonder what’s wrong with us…I wonder what’s wrong with me.

I wonder if I’ll ever feel like I belong.

That’s a hard place to be.

And if all of this wasn’t hard enough, now I get to have surgery.

I know. I know it’s not a huge deal, and it’s four little incisions and only an hour long. It’s only one night in the hospital. It’s all of those things.

And yet, it feels like God is just saying to me…How much more can you take, Mel? Huh? How much more can I dump on you?

We’re keeping it real. I KNOW that’s not how it is.

But at this very point in my life, it’s hard to feel that way.

This is hard.

And maybe hardest of all is my lack of words.

I miss writing so much.

Really writing.

Like, completely pouring out my soul, sharing all He’s doing, making you laugh (I hope!) over the hilarious happenings in our days or smile over the things that bring JOY.

Those words have escaped and been replaced by…not much.

It’s hard when something so defining seems to be so absent.

There have been whispers in these difficult moments, and though it’s hard to understand, I know He’s still near. I know He has me in this season for a purpose, and though I might not see it, I just need to keep going.

Loving on my girl.

Trying to be a good friend.

Kissing my hubby. :)

Living Love.

Taking each step, knowing He’s here..and that He’s already been here, too.

That heals a heart on the hard days when I feel alone.

Thanks for listening. :)

Sig

Filed Under: just life, what I'm learning, where I am
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