remembering

Sweet Saturday

June 30, 2012 by Mel · Leave a Comment

Ok, so this should be titled something like

The Post Where I Admit I’m Eating Taco Bell at 10:15 p.m.

Haha. 😉 Just so you know, confessions are good for the soul.

Here’s another.

It’s my first meal of the day. YIKES.

Part of that wasn’t my fault. After a wonderful, calorie-filled dinner out last night to celebrate my hubby’s birthday, I paid for it big time. I’m not sure what’s up with the digestive track these days or what I ate that my body completely hated, but my stomach was NOT happy with me and decided to let me pay the price from about 2-5 a.m.

Ugh.

Can we say that again?

Why, yes we can! UGH.

I’ll spare you the details only to say that I missed my Saturday morning run with my group and was pretty wiped out for most of the morning. (Though a caramel macchiato did help. Gee, I wonder why?!?!) 😉

It was a rough one.

But things got better around 11:00. I forced myself to get up and going for the day, and Maelie and I went to the mall with Tobin. He had an eye exam, and I needed body spray from Bath & Body. Hey, I really did need it…I ran out this morning. I was super excited that I managed to hit the huge sale they have every summer, too, without even trying. 75% off? Yes, please. Bottles of my two favorite scents for $6 total? Even more yes, please!

Mae and I browsed a bit after that. I need something to wear to a wedding in a couple weeks, but we struck out. Oh, well.

We came home, and two out of the three of us ate lunch. Then Mae and I went swimming. Or, more accurately, I walked around in the pool and tried to coax her to join me, but she wasn’t interested today. So we played in the backyard instead.

Around two, we headed downtown to meet a friend at Navy Pier. Our Indo-friend, Lindsey, is in town for a few days visiting her brother, and she took a few hours to spend with us. We LOVED catching up with her, sharing some laughs, hearing what God has been doing. She’s about to make a pretty huge move to the other side of the world, and it was such a blessing to hear all He’s done to bring her to that point.

Plus, we just loved seeing her.

Our too-short few hours together reminded me yet again of the bittersweet wonderful that is friendship. That, often, the joy-filled hellos lead to much-too-soon, teary see ya laters. But the truth is that when friends are that treasured, we’d drive twelve hours for five minutes. Really.

So we took what time we had and filled it with laughter and stories and Truth and watching a certain two-year old little girl charm everyone around her. We reminisced about beach trips, coffee shops and motorbikes and dreamed of the future and all it might hold.

Oh, I wish the best for her…and I can’t wait until the next time I can give her a hug.

God is so Good to give us the gift of friends.

Filed Under: blessings, friends, Indonesia, just life, remembering

Still (Part 2)

June 13, 2012 by Mel · Leave a Comment

So last night I shared a song.

Tonight I’ll talk a little more and attempt to tie together my very scattered thoughts.

I’ve known for a long time that we’re blessed. Though Tobin and I don’t have a lot of extra money, whenever I take the time to sit down and look around me, I know we’ve been given so much.

I see it everywhere.

And I’m not talking about material possessions.

We moved to Illinois with a teeny-tiny, baby girl on a hot, July day in 2010. I remember that day, as we sat on the front porch waiting for our realtor to arrive with a key, how completely unsure I was of the life that swirled around me. I was scared of what it might take to find friends, worried about being accepted into a community.

I specifically remember, that day, being so fidgety and nervous to the point of feeling like I needed to sprint a few laps around our new house. (I didn’t, though, because who runs laps six weeks after a C-section? ;)) No, I just needed to move and shake out some of the uncertainty that plagued me.

Because I truly wondered what kind of chapter God was writing for us.

Most of you know the story…in almost-two years, we’ve seen just about every emotion multiple times. There have been some pretty high mountains and some pretty low valleys. Many amazing blessings and a few I didn’t view as such. Times when we anticipated the future with excitement and other moments when we had no idea how to move forward.

And, yet, when I think of these words…

Hide me now, under Your wings. Cover me within Your mighty hand…
When the oceans rise and thunders roar, I will soar with You above the storm.
Father, you are King over the flood, and I will be still and know You are God.

Perhaps being still…those lessons in silence and waiting and wondering and praying, those things which all lead to TRUST…is what He had for me in these years.

And? What He is still teaching me through situations that don’t go as I expect. Perhaps, that JOY is given regardless of circumstances if I’m willing to surrender to His will.

This past Monday afternoon, we were hanging around church after VBS had ended. I stood there chatting with a friend and was amazed…COMPLETELY…by the number of people surrounding my daughter. Hugging her, talking to her, playing with her, chasing her up and down the aisles, (…ahem) showering love on her.

On that July afternoon, as I fed Maelie her bottle and let my tears drip down onto her onesie, I never even dreamed we’d be given something so precious.

A community of believers who have become family.

As I processed that thought and continued to watch people love my girl, my heart felt like it was going to burst from complete JOY.

And when I stop to think about those moments of unknown two summers ago, I am reminded that there will be more. And, just as He has given so many blessings, there’s no reason for me to think that He won’t continue doing just that if I keep walking with Him.

Praying.

Trusting.

And taking time to be still and know that He is God.

He’s SO Good.

And I pray that He will remind me of that every day of my life.

Filed Under: blessings, church, encouragement, family, friends, just life, remembering, what I'm learning, where I am

It Rained Today

June 5, 2012 by Mel · Leave a Comment

I remember the first time I had to say goodbye to a friend.

I was about six years old, and my good friend from the neighborhood was moving with her family to Texas. I was young, but I remember so much about that day…including the amount of rain that fell.

And we’re not talking from the sky.

She and her family left early that Saturday morning. I sobbed as I watched them drive away…and I never saw her again.

Over the years there have been other goodbyes. Friends have come and gone, hearts hurt, more tears have fallen…because that’s what happens with life and comings and goings.

Our time in Indonesia taught me much about saying goodbye…because it happened all the time. People…friends, students, teachers…were always in transition. And though I am generally an emotional person, I had to learn to control the amount of rain that fell.

I couldn’t let every single goodbye devastate me. And at a not-so-young age, I finally found some way to properly grasp saying goodbye.

One of the most valuable life lessons I took away from our time overseas was the concept of RAFTing. Reconciliation, Affirmation, Farewell, Think Destination. As we faced many goodbyes of friends who left us and then became the ones who were leaving, these concepts helped us end one chapter of our lives and look forward to the next.

Today I said goodbye to a friend.

When I woke up this morning and realized what day it was, I was briefly tempted to just text her a goodbye, apologizing that I never made it over. Then I caught myself.

We live less than five minutes away and Maelie and I had nothing on our schedule for the day.

So we had no excuses.

Added to that, the one thing that has stuck with me through all the goodbyes I’ve said is that friends need to know that they are valued and loved. They need to be affirmed. And, whenever possible, they need to hear it from us. In person.

So I texted her, we figured out a time, and Maelie and I stopped over.

We ended up staying for over an hour…just talking, catching up a bit, laughing, talking about the future…and crying.

It was good to let the rain fall for my friend, this woman who was part of a group who gave me community when it was my turn to be the new girl. We bonded over Iowa talks and park get-togethers and late, summer-night workouts. She always had a smile, was such an encourager, and I truly value her friendship…even though it will now be across hundreds of miles.

It rained today.

It rained tears of thanks and sadness and JOY all mingled with the hope that we have in our Father.

And though it rained, it wasn’t really a goodbye kind of rain. It was that I’ll see you…soon kind of rain. And I will.

Goodbye, my friend. I will miss you.

Filed Under: blessings, encouragement, friends, just life, remembering, where I am

His Legacy

May 28, 2012 by Mel · Leave a Comment

I never knew him.

All I’d been told my entire life was that he was my grandpa, a farmer, a Navy vet, and that he’d died before I was born.

There were pictures of him at my grandma’s house…a few, but he was rarely spoken of. His stories were never told. It was as if everything he ever was…and everything he brought to the lives of those around him…died right along with him.

And I spent my childhood wondering about this man…my mom’s dad. Wondering how my life might have been different had I grown up knowing him.

There are two lessons I’ve taken away from never knowing my Grandpa A.

The first is that no person’s life is so insignificant that it cannot leave a mark on the world. His stories may not be told, but my grandpa left behind twelve children, eleven of whom are still alive. In their own ways, they’re leaving their own footprints on the world…and extending his legacy.

I’m sad for myself and for most of my cousins…that we never knew him. We never bounced on his knee, never wrapped our arms around his neck, never had even one photo taken with him so we could have that memory.

I’m also reminded that stories are worth sharing…the good and the bad. There are things that have been shared in recent years about Grandpa’s life…things that aren’t the most admirable. Yet, they are part of who he was…and it’s a shame that those are the things I know of this man.

I want to know more.

The picture I noticed during one of my most recent trips back to my hometown is one of him in his Navy uniform. So, regardless of other things that may mar who my grandpa really was, he is one of the men that we, as a nation, honor today.

He fought for our freedom.

He sacrificed.

And he left behind a legacy that’s worth talking about.

Filed Under: family, remembering, where I am

Home…sick?

May 25, 2012 by Mel · 1 Comment

I’ll confess tonight.

I am unbelievably homesick.

Like, tight-ache-in-my-chest homesick, tears-springing-to-my-eyes-constantly homesick, wondering-why-on-earth-I-am homesick.

I mean, I know this is my home. And I heart it. You’ve all read the love I have for where God has brought us. (And if you haven’t, I believe that the March-July 2011 blog archives will give you more than just a glimpse of that love.)

I was reminded today, though, that no place that becomes even a little part of us is ever gone from us.

And regardless of whether we were ready to move on or not, that means I now have this multicultural heart that will always bleed a little Indonesian.

And, boy, did it bleed today.

I think it had something to do with the fact that a pretty great class graduated today, and included in that class is a dear friend of ours. (And she reads here sometimes…so congrats, Amie! :)) I think Tobin and I both wished that we somehow could have been there. Instead, I had to live it through photos. Which was nice, but…you know, it’s not the same.

Big events like graduation and end-of-the-year events always bring back so many memories.

Memories are supposed to be reMEMbered…I get that. But sometimes I just want to hop back into them and LIVE them again. Just for a few minutes.

But I can’t, so I guess homesick is what I’ll be tonight.

Indo, I miss you.

Filed Under: blessings, Indonesia, remembering, where I am

Looking Back

May 23, 2012 by Mel · Leave a Comment

It isn’t that I don’t have deep thoughts to share.

There’s a lot going on in this brain. (Isn’t there always?!?!) 😉

But seeing this today reminded me that the days just fly. I’m intent on soaking up the moments we’re so blessed to have.

Aaaaahhh, the Maelie-preciousness that is completely abounding here.

So. Sweet.

I love her so much.

It was fun to look back today.

Happy Wednesday, friends!

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, Maelie, remembering

On Giving Up the Grudge

May 9, 2012 by Mel · 4 Comments

Tonight is a not-so-short account of some stuff I need to share. Sorry for the length and scattered thoughts, but maybe you will connect with where I’m coming from. Thanks for reading.

When it came time for me to choose a college after high school, I chose a small Baptist college in Iowa, which I attended for five years. (Yeah, five…I crammed four years in that way. ;))

Names aren’t necessary…I mean, there aren’t that many Bible colleges in Iowa; I’m sure you could look up the grit if you feel like it.

Attending there was a decision I made with quite a bit of pressure from some people who were very influential in my life at the time. I think I chose the college mostly to please them; I had previously been accepted to a liberal arts Christian college in Hannibal, Missouri, which I was SO excited about. But, being that it wasn’t strictly Baptist, I think it’s fair to say I was somewhat guilted into changing my mind.

So I did.

And I will also admit to you that I never even looked at the handbook to my college of choice until I arrived on campus for freshman orientation. I think that alone says a lot about how eager I was to “do the right thing” in the eyes of people I knew were watching every move I made.

When I arrived, I was surprised (overwhelmed? shocked? horrified?) with the many rules I was being forced to obey willingly. (Yes, that oxymoron was intended.)

Everything was dictated, down to when I could wear jeans (almost never) and what kind of music I could listen to (hymns and classical only) to what kind of shoes were appropriate for classroom dress (read: NOT yellow jellies…ooops!) and what kind of outside activities were unacceptable (movies, single-dating, dancing, etc.)

Really, the list goes on and on (and on and on) and the purpose this post is not to bring all of this to light. If you’re that interested, feel free to check out the handbook online; I am fairly certain that it has not changed all that much since I graduated in 2001. (Although the women don’t have to wear nylons anymore, and for that, I think I will always be a little bitter. ;))

What this IS about is the grudge against this institution that I held for a decade or longer.

The grudge that was slowly tearing me up.

The grudge that was doing more damage to the person holding it than it was to those against which it was held.

When you’re in a position where every decision is practically made for you, when it feels like the number of things that are not acceptable to do with free time is greater than what’s acceptable, when it feels like freedom to go home for Christmas break and wear jeans…

That’s when some negative feelings start to seep in.

And it’s easy to let them take over.

If you know me at all (or have read the blog for very long), you know that I have obviously changed quite a bit since that phase in my life. Jeans are my clothing of choice, year round. I wear tank tops. I go to movies. I attend a Lutheran church (Which I love, love, love.) with both traditional and contemporary services and (gasp!) drums and a worship band which I sing with sometimes. (More love, love, love.) I read versions of the Bible other than the KJV, I’ll go to the occasional girls’ night out, and I read books like Confessions of a Shopaholic and the Hunger Games. (Did I mention I’m going to the movie next week? Can’t wait!!!)

And I also really try to live each day by walking in the Grace that I have been so freely given.

But I do have to confess that I’ve far too many conversations with people as I process (and laugh about) the multitude of rules and regulations I was forced to obey at this school. It’s a great conversation piece since most of my friends have never been subjected to this kind of environment…and yet, I know that there are some bitter feelings buried.

Or, not-so-buried.

And here’s the thing…I did agree to go there. I did sign a paper saying I’d obey. And for the most part, I did…though there was that time two of my roommates and I hid a hamster in our dorm room. And the time that we cranked up At the Beginning from Anastasia and sang and danced to it until we were laughing so hard we couldn’t stand it. I guess we’d call those moments of rebellion, but they sure did create memories. And. So. Much. Laughter.

Five years of all of this, for better or worse…it’s how I spent my introduction to adulthood.

Two weeks ago Maelie and I made a trip to Iowa. After we’d met some friends for dinner on Tuesday night, I had to practically drive right by the college to get to my friend’s house where we’d spend the night. (It was two blocks out of the way.)

I hadn’t even seen the campus for probably eight years, and I have to admit to you that my heart pounded as I approached NW 4th Street, but I did it.

I drove by.

Rolled down my window.

And whispered…

It’s over.

And with that, I made the decision to give up being bitter.

I can’t get those years back, but who can change the past?

What good is going to do me to hold on to this grudge?

Zero…it’s only going to hurt me.

Why would I do that to myself?

When I am truly honest with myself, it wasn’t all bad. I got an amazing foundation in the Bible. (Well, minus the 7 a.m. classes that I was never mentally present for. ;)) I made some lifelong friends. I had the chance to travel with a vocal ensemble and handbell group…which were both really, really fun…and there’s zero sarcasm there.

And it is almost certain that I would never have met Tobin and be where I am if I hadn’t gone there.

What I took away from that school was far greater than what it took from me.

And that’s the truth, even though I feel sometimes like I was gypped out of being an adult. (Thankfully, I am mostly still sane…though I think I need to turn off comments on this post to keep you from countering that!) 😉

So I gave up the grudge.

Decided to focus on the blessings that came out of it AND the ones right in front of me.

Life is good…and it’s also not perfect for anyone.

And I’ll choose to make the best of it and find the JOY that is all around.

Because God is GOOD…and He always will be.

What about you? I’m curious if you’ve ever struggled to let go of some bad feelings. Please share.

Filed Under: blessings, encouragement, friends, remembering, Tobin, what I'm learning, where I am

Caffeine, How I Love Thee…

May 8, 2012 by Mel · Leave a Comment

Let me count the ways.

Ok, ok, enough. 😉

Tomorrow I’ll be serious again and write about why it stinks to hold on to a grudge…and how I’m learning to let go of some things.

But today, I’m just up for caffeinated chit-chat. We’ll see what comes up.

We were blessed with gorgeous sunshine for all of the morning and part of the afternoon. Though I have to admit that I didn’t necessarily feel up to it, I forced us out of the house, and Mae and I took a walk to the park. She loves the one that is close to us and, for the most part, the playground equipment is just her size.

She played happily for a good 20-30 minutes, and then we headed home for her favorite snack and a nap. T’was fun.

I’m dragging today…was up a bit later than usual last night thanks to my Monday night workout. Something about getting my heart rate going for so long that late at night makes it almost impossible for me to sleep before midnight on those nights, though I do think I crashed around 11:30 or so.

Still…ugh.

It was hard to find the energy to get up this morning. (Insert three cups of coffee.) Sigh.

So I’m kind of in a weird mood and spent the last half hour or so looking at old Indonesia pictures. (Well, not that old.) 😉 It surprises me how much the ache that fills me is so familiar…almost like the pain of missing it will never leave. It is just forgotten for long stretches, but when it returns…oh, boy. I had myself a good little cry, and then smiled.

No use in crying over something that was mostly pretty wonderful. And really, it was just a tiny slice of life in the grand scheme of things.

I’ve been thinking about that lately…about how each step leads to the present and how, though those steps seem important…and they ARE…they really are just a microscopic part of God’s plan for each of us.

I love where we are right now, and soaking up the blessings of being “home” is easy at the moment. But as we were driving home from Minnesota a few days ago, I let my mind go to this place that I hardly EVER go.

What if He asks us to go again?

Thinking that question usually involves a lot of head-shaking and eye-squinting and heart-reassuring that we’re here for good.

But I guess I don’t really know that.

It boils down to obedience…and keeping my heart in the place where I’ll listen to Him when He speaks. But I also know that my God gives good things to us when we desire His best, and He knows what I desire. So I trust that He’ll give me just that and let me stay.

I have no idea why I went on that little tangent, but hey…it’s life.

And my life is full of thinking and processing, so sometimes weird things spill onto the pages of this place. Hee hee.

😀

Speaking of giggles, I found a few fun pictures while browsing Indo-life…I thought you might enjoy them. I seriously smile despite the quirkiness of a couple of these. I’m so thankful for the five years of crazy and wonderful and mixed-up and blessed that we were given in the land of nasi and motorbikes and sweet people.

Aaaahhh.

It did my heart good to do some reflecting.

Ok, the pics. Enjoy.

I forgot we had these. Can we say CRAZY hair day? (Really, that’s what day it was.) But this was mostly Tobin, because I? Can totally rock the Princess-Leia-meets-polka-dots look any day. 😉

This paradise was ours for four days…seriously. We booked a hotel that was incredibly cheap because it had just opened and apparently no one knew about it yet. We stayed in this brand-new, five-star gem for around $25 a night and had the place to ourselves. Can we say Happy 5th Anniversary?!?! It was oh-so fun.

This picture completely cracks me up. One year on Indonesian Independence Day, August 17, our school hosted a community celebration with all of the traditional games. This one involved tying a string with a nail on the end of it to the back of your pants. Then, squatting, you had to get the nail into a glass soda bottle, pick the bottle up between your legs without the nail coming out, and run to the finish line. I am the second from the left (barefoot…big surprise!) and was the proud runner-up. Oy… 😀

And this would definitely be included a perfect day…sitting on the beach. Preferably this Indonesian one. With some coffee and friends.

Just a few fun, incredibly random, memories…thanks for stopping by the blog today!

Filed Under: barefoot, blessings, friends, Indonesia, just life, random, remembering, where I am

Sara’s Story

May 3, 2012 by Mel · Leave a Comment

Last September a friend of mine passed away. I’d been faithfully reading her blog for quite awhile, and she was truly one of the most inspiring people I’ve ever known. Even if I never met her.

Because that’s how this works…I feel like I know my sisters and friends through the things they write. Even if we never actually get to exchange hugs in person.

Last weekend, as part of the (in)RL conference, (in)courage featured Sara’s story…the story of this sweet friend. They have graciously made it available to everyone because they believe…and so do I…that it’s something everyone should see.

It’s a bit lengthy…around 30 minutes…but I promise you. I PROMISE. You won’t regret it and it WON’T be wasted time. I think it’s life-changing. (But, I warn you, have tissues ready.)

Enjoy.