Maelie

Behind the Scenes: Ballet Dreams

January 14, 2014 by Mel · 20 Comments

Yesterday I took her to ballet for her first-ever class.

Gotta admit that, even before we stepped out of the house, she’d already melted my heart with her sweet dancing around the living room as she tried out her new, black, sparkly leotard and borrowed shoes. (Amazon decided not to deliver hers on time…so thankful for friends who have danced this road before us.)

Mommy, I’ve always wanted to be a ballerina! Thank you!

Of course, she is THREE.

We’re not signing her life away just yet…but for the last year, we’ve known that ballet was something she wanted to try, and so we patiently waited until she was old enough.

We arrived at the class a little early, and her slight-timidity kicked in just a bit. She hovered back for a second and grabbed onto my leg, so I walked her over to a little bench where she shed her yoga pants and socks and put on those sweet, little pink shoes.

That was all the magic she needed.

It was time, and she was ready to go.

Time to begin chasing her dream of being a ballerina…however long it lasts.

I think back to my own dancing days, and those were over in just a year or two. Not really my thing.

And dancing might not be her thing either…but it might be.

And because we can and because Mondays are open and because we want her to have opportunities, and we want to let her dream…ballet it is.

And as I looked at the mass of pink and sparkles that gathered together in the room in the form of sweet little girls, I thought about how dreams so often start out just as my sweet little girl’s dream did yesterday…

Just that. A day to begin and to chase it.

We’ll cheer her on, however long it lasts, even if it’s forever. (Or, more likely, not.)

And if her dream changes down the road, we’ll buy those drums (heaven help us) or set up an area for her to paint pictures, pay for those singing lessons or spend hours writing stories together.

There are so many dreams out there, and I love…LOVE…that the world is wide open to her.

And as long as her heart is open to her Father, there’s nothing He can’t do in her life.

No dream that can’t come true.

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Linking up with two of my favorites today!

On Tuesdays, I hang out with some of my favorite friends at Crystal’s place, where she hosts Behind the Scenes.

“Behind the Scenes” is a fun link up where we show those photos – but tell the real story behind them. The sneak peek behind the scenes, a look past the edges of the photo to the real life behind it.

And I’m also linking up at God-Sized Dreams, with my favorite dreaming sisters!

I hope you’ll join us for the sweet, sentimental, and silly stories that make up our days.

Filed Under: Behind the Scenes, being mommy, God-Sized Dreams, just life, Maelie, where I am

Five-Minute Friday: See

January 9, 2014 by Mel · 20 Comments

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo for Five-Minute Friday. So, grab a timer, set it for five minutes, and join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write. Then leave some comment love for the person who linked up before you…and anyone else because that’s the fun and the heart of the community!

Today’s prompt: See

I hear it a million times a day.

See, Mommy? Look at her beautiful dress!

Look, Mommy! I can jump! (Insert leap from couch to chair…something she’s technically not supposed to be doing…) 😉

I need the light on, Mommy…I can’t see!

Will you play princesses with me, Mommy? Look, here’s Rapunzel!

There are so many times in a day when my daughter asks me to look. She wants me to see.

Granted, she is three years old and at that age…the age that begs for attention and time and more attention. Pretty much all day long. 😉

And the truth is that, most moments, I’m more than happy to give it.

I want to be near her, seated on the floor criss-cross-applesauce, seeing the world from her vantage point…one filled with storybooks and songs, dancing and furniture leaping, and lots and lots of pony-and-princess playing.

And, often…Mommy, look. Here’s the next story in the Bible. Can we read it?

And so we sit down together and read from her Storybook Bible or talk about the last story, and I realize how blessed I am to see the faith in her heart as it continues to grow. She’s learning, she’s understanding…

She’s beginning to SEE.

And it’s beautiful.

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, Five Minute Friday, just life, Maelie, what I'm learning, where I am

2014: Restore

January 1, 2014 by Mel · 35 Comments

Warning: This turned into an intense, heart-spill. Thanks for reading.

Hi, friends! Happy New Year!

And, yes, I’m blogging three days in a row…which hasn’t happened since, like, 2012.

And now that you’ve picked yourselves up off the floor… 😉

Restore. My word for 2014.

I’ll get to that in a minute. It’s one that has caused more wrestling and wondering and tears before I even chose it as my word for the year.

But let’s back up and talk about Dream for a minute.

It was my word for 2013…and, in every way, the safe choice for the year.

I was already part of the God-Sized Dream Team.

Already in the thick of dreaming and surrounded by so many other dreamers.

It just made sense.

Oh, there were parts of it that were challenging, definitely, and I don’t regret my choice at all. In all of the dreaming, and the hard part…doing, God did incredible things…opened doors and opportunities. 2013 was definitely a dreaming journey, one that has changed my life forever.

But, today…and this year, Restore.

It was supposed to be Create.

You see, that’s the word I wanted. It’s something I love. A word I had planned on making my focus for the year because it’s so easy for me.

To pull out the paint and a canvas and splash art.

To pick up my hook and yarn and make something cute that I’d rather not pay $30 for in a store. Or to make a cute hat for a friend.

To frustrate myself through the roof with my Rainbow Loom, but somehow make a cute bracelet. Yes, I bought one. It’s fun. And completely addicting…and, yes, I promise I am 35 years old. 😉

Creating…it comes naturally. And it’s easy.

But God said something different this time…and, ironically, He said it through a painting. (And a whole series of events that make up an incredible account…I’ll be sharing that soon, but not today.) 😉

He said it through this.

Restore.

I will restore you. Your marriage, your heart, your emotions, your confidence, ALL of it.

You see, I paint a word mural in this space.

While I keep it real most days, unless you know me intimately, you don’t know the brokenness that resides in this heart.

Some of it is my own doing, some of it isn’t.

But regardless of the source, there are pieces of me that need to be restored. Not fixed completely…but at least brought back to a place of being able to shine Him again, even if it’s through cracks.

Our marriage…it’s hard. We are night and day, sunshine and rain…and looking for the rainbow. I know it’s there, and I remind myself of that daily as, sometimes, we try desperately to hold on. The Truth is that we are working to make Him first again. I’m not sure how it happened, but somewhere in the last eleven plus years, we became more me-me-me, and less Him-Him-Him.

Pray for us? Please?

My mommy heart needs to be restored and reminded daily of the blessing I have in my precious daughter. Most days I know it and feel it and the two of us dance it out like the crazy, fun girls we are. 😉 And others…the ones when my period is late or I’m cramping horribly…well, I focus on what I don’t have. Will you pray that God will restore my heart? And because I believe in being real…and also because so many of you are my family…here’s the deal. Really.

And I want you to know it.

We’re focusing on us and our sweet girl. There’s no trying right now, and I’m ok with that. We are hoping a few months down the road that we’ll be in that place again, but today, we’re not there. It’s been a source of me needing to let go of my perfect family ideal…which didn’t include kiddos who were four or five years apart. (If that.) And yet, here we are.

And I long to be ok.

And there’s also a deep desire for freedom and restoration of my past…situations that left me broken, empty, and almost unable to go back to the place that was my home for so many years.

The truth is that, right now, I can’t go back without a pit in my stomach, a hardness to my heart, and tears brimming on my eyelids.

I hate that it’s that way. Hate it.

And I know that ONLY HE can Restore it and somehow glue back together the pieces that fell apart so long ago.

I mean it when I say that it’s almost become easier to live broken than to live Restored.

But I long for it…and He has spoken it.

Now, I need to obey it.

So, Father, please Restore…whatever it is that needs to be restored in me. Make my heart new, make it long for You, make it shine You again. I know You can and You will.

God gave me a verse recently…and, ironically, it popped up as the verse of the day yesterday. But maybe it’s just another little whisper from Him that He’s got this.

This…THIS…it’s my prayer.

My hope.

My promise from Him for 2014.

See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.

Isaiah 43:19 (NIV)

Restore 2014. He Will.

And, thank you…to each of you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for being willing to walk this journey with me.

That makes you my friend, and I love you for it.

***Linking up at Circles of Faith and the One Word 365 community today.

Filed Under: barefoot, being mommy, encouragement, family, God-Sized Dreams, Maelie, marriage, Tobin, what I'm learning, where I am

Just a Chat (with Coffee)

December 20, 2013 by Mel · 4 Comments

It’s one of those mornings…oh, don’t misunderstand me. I love a good Friday morning. (Especially when it comes with coffee, and it always does.) It’s just the kind of morning where throwing out confessions feels freeing.

Don’t judge...sometimes it’s just good for the soul.

Confessions like, I haven’t vacuumed the kitchen floor in two, give-or-take, days. (Black kitchen, golden retrievers, you do the math.)

Ahem.

Or, that for about the thirteenth time this week, I jacked up the heat three degrees and am sitting on the heating vent in the kitchen, snuggled under the most amazing, sherpa-lined blanket ever, thanks to a fantastic Christmas party/gift exchange. I’m a sucker for an awesome blanket…I kind of never want to crawl out from under it. 😉 (And, while we’re talking about blankets and heating vents, I am fully expecting a heating blanket for Christmas…that’s kind of a serious confession. And maybe a little hint.)

😉

Or, I could somewhat-embarrassingly confess that I don’t want to wash my hair today because the faux hawk my stylist gave me a couple days ago is awesome. (Though I rock it nowhere near as well as the beautiful Crystal.) 😉 And yes, I am posting a selfie. I promise I am not one of those people…I just am today. 😉

Or, that I completely feel like a Christmas shopping failure. Even though I’m finished. I have managed, TWICE now, to buy the wrong size in a certain gift for my hubby. The first time, I guessed the size wrong, and the second time, I bought the right size. (Or so it was marked.) Got it home…and, WRONG. Can I just tell you that I really don’t want to go back to the mall? Ugh. (No picture…we need some actual surprises in our house on Christmas morning.) 😉

And though it might not fall into the confession category exactly, I’m gonna take a little bloggy break until after Christmas. I want the next days of this beautiful season to be spent with my little family, my church family, and my friends…focusing on the real Reason we celebrate. I have to admit that it brought tears to my eyes today as I watched my daughter acting out the Christmas story with her little people. Such sweet, precious moments, and I don’t want to miss any of them. Oh, she melts my heart, even on the super silly days.

Golly, I love her.

But be sure to stop back by around the 30th because I have something cool…or maybe more than cool…to share with all of you.

I kind of can’t wait…I’m so thankful to God for all He’s doing, and I can’t wait to tell you all about how one of my big dreams is coming true. Now I know you’ll come back…haha! 😉

Until then…

Merry Christmas, sweet friends!

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, coffee, family, God-Sized Dreams, hair, just life, Maelie, where I am, writing

Behind the Scenes: The Day We Shared Life

December 17, 2013 by Mel · 26 Comments

She sends me a facebook message to let me know she’ll be in town, and I count down the days because I can hardly wait to hug her neck. Yes, we just saw each other at Allume in October, but you see…she’s my community.

My sister.

My friend.

And from the first minutes of the ride back from Schaumburg, it’s like old times. Or, in particular, old timE…because this is only the second time we’ve been in real life. There have been countless Google hangout prayer times and a few other chats, connecting over blogs and Twitter and dreaming…and all of these things have made us old friends.

She does life with me that day…we stop at church and I get to introduce her to a few of my favorite people. We deliver bread to the daycare I visit every Friday. Maelie and I take her to our favorite little restaurant for lunch, and then it’s back to my house, where I put on my yoga pants…the ones I promised her I’d be wearing when I picked her up, and then I showed up in skinny jeans. (Sorry.) 😉

And we make hot chai, kick our feet up on the furniture, and heart-spill.

It’s wonderful.

At one point, we even pull out the Nutella and two spoons…making up for what was supposed to happen at Allume and didn’t. I find that, after trying it for the third time, I actually like it…and I double, then triple, dip. Good friends can do that, you know. 😉

And though we promise not to check the clock, we watch the hours, then minutes, tick slowly toward the five, and we know it’s almost over…the seven hours of in-real-life sisterhood we were privileged to share.

We snap a few selfies and even share one on Facebook with our dream team…and I really should have turned off the flash, but I didn’t, and it’s ok. We’re just really bright and sparkly…which is kind of how our hearts felt that day, anyway. 😉

Too soon, it’s time to pack up and take her home.

The traffic is a little pokey, and for once, I don’t mind. Let it crawl, let it crawl, I pray.

There are moments we want to hold on to…and this past Friday was one of them.

My sweet sister, Mandy, came to my house, sat on my couch, and shared life with me. It’s kind of been a dream for a long time…and it was every bit as sweet as I thought it would be.

And it would have been, even without the Nutella. 😉

Here’s to sisterhood and the blessing of community…a gift I can’t even put into words.

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Happy Tuesday, friends! Today is the day when I join some sweet friends at Crystal’s space for Behind the Scenes. We’re sharing the silly and sweet and sometimes-tear-jerking moments that happen behind the camera lens…I hope you’ll take some time and pop over to read some great stories.

Social media and online relationships can make us feel like everyone else has it all together. We’re edited, proof-read, Pinterest-perfect versions of ourselves (or so some might think!) when – in reality? There is an unfinished pile of laundry around the corner. That cute toddler smiling for the camera just had a massive meltdown seconds ago. That yummy breakfast-for-dinner you just showed us on Instagram? It’s because the cat licked the chicken that was supposed to be for dinner.

Filed Under: Behind the Scenes, blessings, community, friends, God-Sized Dreams, just life, Maelie, where I am

Five-Minute Friday: Reflect

December 5, 2013 by Mel · 29 Comments

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo for Five-Minute Friday. So, grab a timer, set it for five minutes, and join me!

Today’s prompt: Reflect

I talk about her a lot lately, this girl.

Maybe it’s because we spend our days…and most of our moments…side by side.

I truly feel like I blinked…maybe an extended blink, but a blink nonetheless…and she is nine days shy of three and a half.

A mini me in so many ways, even if she looks more like her daddy. 😉

But I am oh-so aware of the little mirror I have following me around…reflecting everything I do.

Oh, sometimes it’s awesome…when we dance through the living room together or surf on the couch. (Sssshhhh…don’t tell!) When we share chapstick and powder and wear bracelets together. Once in awhile we’ll sit down at the piano together and play. (Or, pound? ;)) And sometimes we even dress alike because we can.

Most of the time, I love that she wants to reflect what she sees in her mommy.

And, yet, there are those days, too…the ones when she pops out a word she’s heard me say, one that slipped and never should have reached her ears. Or when the impatience spills over and becomes a raised voice…and she returns it, sometimes even more loudly.

I don’t love that…because I know that the mommy she’s mirroring isn’t reflecting Her Father.

This mommy thing is hard…I dance through the sunshine and daisy parts of it, but sometimes there are tears, too…and not just from her. Fear that I’m messing it all up.

I have to give myself grace…and pray ever day that He’ll help me to reflect Him so she can, too.

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, encouragement, Five Minute Friday, just life, Maelie, what I'm learning, where I am

Just Blogging Today

November 27, 2013 by Mel · 16 Comments

I haven’t just written in soooooo long.

Or, just shared pictures.

So, hi. Let’s do that today.

I remember when I first started this blog a few years ago, I’d sit down with a cup of coffee and just write to you all…tell you about life, tell you about where I am, tell you about the flavor of creamer in my coffee cup. (Pumpkin spice today, since I know you care. ;))

That stopped…and there are reasons why, and maybe I’ll share those another day.

But there are things I can tell you today, so why not? 😉

So it’s Thanksgiving, and we are headed up north. (Such a Minnesota term.) 😉 This time, though, to Green Bay to see some of his family. That will be fun…but, confession? And not really a new one…I hate to be cold. It’s gotten worse since moving back from Indonesia, but thankfully the weather report is sunny and not too frigid.

Some of you may have seen this picture on facebook…Maelie got her own tree for her bedroom, and she’s beyond ecstatic about the fact that it’s hers and all things sparkle. This is one of my favorite pictures of the two of us ever…and it’s a memory I will always hold close. She looks happy in the picture…but I wish you could have seen the excitement and heard the squeals as she raced around the room, almost unable to contain her joy in between hanging pink ornaments. Yes, pink. 😉

I kind of want to live like that every day…well, minus the pink ornaments.

And I still haven’t fully processed Allume. In fact, I might be the last person who attended to actually write about it. Sometimes you just can’t force the words, ya know? I’m working on one post that’s not quite there yet…it’s heavy but even so much more amazing that I’m still trying to wrap my brain around all that God did…and is still doing.

I also want to tell you about the book. And how I left Allume with hope instead of hurt and, for the first time, the actual desire to let God do with it what He wants, instead of me pushing it like crazy. I’m taking a break until January, and then the plan is to look (and pray!) for an agent. And actually pursue publishing it. Squeeeeee!

And I want to share pictures and tell stories of women who have made such an impact. I’m not kidding when I tell you that hugging them (in)RL was a highlight of my year. Lisa-Jo, Ann, Holley, Kristin, Delonna, Christine, Gindi, Mandy, Julie, Crystal, Laura, Kim, Elise…and so many more. So many sister-stories to tell, and I want to tell them. How they’ve changed my life and my community, every single one of them.

Me with Lisa-Jo…hugging her was like hugging an old friend. So thankful for her and her heart for community!

And, Holley…my sweet friend and mentor. She is truly as beautiful, kind, and wonderful (in)RL as she is through the words on her blog and in her books. The whole weekend felt like being home with her and my wonderful GSDT sisters.

Love ’em! Oh, girls, how I miss you…and making silly faces in the photo booth with you!

Behind the Scenes: What I Want Her to Know

November 19, 2013 by Mel · 14 Comments

Sometimes I think back to this girl…the one who, in this picture, is so close in age to my daughter today.

The girl you see here isn’t really so different from the one who dances around my feet each day.

She loved dolls.

She was a bit on the crazy…ahem, adventurous…side. (Gee, I wonder where Mae gets it?) 😉

She looked forward to playing with her friends, going swimming, just enjoying life. Mae does that last one really, really well.

Sometimes it seems like two seconds since I was three (maybe four…not quite sure when this pic was taken) and I wonder where time went. How I went from that to this in a lifetime that passed in about three blinks.

I was thinking this morning as I was in the shower (yes, I do my best thinking in the shower ;)) that there’s so much I want to tell her. So much I want her to know to prevent heartbreak and disappointment. And I wonder often what I need to tell my daughter so that her life will be the happy of sunshine and daisies all the time.

False reality, I know…or, maybe, that’s just a momma’s heart.

Sweet Mae, the days are going to fly. So quickly.

There are going to be the ones when nothing will get you down, nothing will make you cry, and everything will make you smile and probably turn somersaults because that’s just wonderful you.

There will also be those days when you run to me, arms outstretched, ready for that hug that will hold you tight and shelter you from whatever is breaking your heart. I’ll be there.

And I know there will be those days, too, when you don’t want that hug but want to navigate the world on your own instead, exploring those hidden nooks and corners, searching for whatever it is He has for you. And that’s ok. It’s good. It’s right.

I just pray that you’ll walk with your hand in His no matter where He takes you.

I love you so, so much, my sweet girl. And I wish I’d saved that dress for you, too.

(But that’s another story…maybe for next week.)

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Filed Under: Behind the Scenes, being mommy, blessings, family, just life, Maelie, remembering, where I am

Five-Minute Friday: Tree

November 14, 2013 by Mel · 40 Comments

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo for Five-Minute Friday. So, grab a timer, set it for five minutes, and join me!

Today’s prompt: Tree

We’ve lived in the blue house on Wisconsin and Charles for three years. And almost a half.

It’s home…and we love it here.

One of my favorite things about our lot is the side yard and the big oak trees there. I’m not kidding when I tell you they tower over the entire yard. (You can see one in this pic…the other is closer to the street.)

And it may sound a little silly, but when I think of the time we’ve spent here already and the memories we’ve made, some of my favorite ones actually involve those trees. Our first October back in the States, we couldn’t get enough of the falling leaves and were total kids one late Wednesday afternoon, even taking our four month old girl outside for some leaf-playing fun.

Still one of my favorite memories…and one of my favorite photos of the two of us.

Then there was the sweet 4th of July spent reading books in the shade and watching our little girl melt our hearts yet another time that day. We still smile over this one.

And we continue to make more memories…with swing sets and slides and snow-princess building and hide and seek. With frisbee throwing and chasing each other and being a family of three (plus two dogs) in our little place.

Under those trees.

Those trees.

Reminders of how very, very blessed we are.

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, community, family, Five Minute Friday, just life, Maelie, remembering, where I am

Behind the Scenes: Surfing in Iowa

November 12, 2013 by Mel · 18 Comments

I’m a surfer.

I call myself that as I currently sit in the place I call home…the freezing burbs of Chicago. (It snowed yesterday. I’m still not over it.)

But it’s true. I actually surf.

How it happened is kind of funny…it was almost a last-minute, last-day-in-Bali, gotta-do-this-now-or-I’m-never-gonna thing…and after a few major wipeouts, I completely fell in love with all things surfing. This pic is actually from ’07 and is one of my first rides.

I’m well aware of how awesome I look. 😉

After this first ride, anytime we were anywhere near a beach, I would run down, rent a board, and take on the waves.

And it’s probably safe to say that I miss it now. A lot, some days. I haven’t had the chance to go since before I was pregnant with Maelie, though a nice surf instructor at Kuta Beach in Bali did offer me a discounted rate on board rental when I was six months pregnant, with a looks-like-nine-months, belly.

Sigh.

I have to admit that would have been quite the sight…IF I’d been able to actually stand up.

This past weekend, Tobin, Mae and I took an insanely quick, 36-hour trip to Iowa to see his family. We had some good times, more than enough more-than-good food, and managed to pull off surprising his older brother for his 40th birthday. It was fun, it was crazy at times with 22 people all in one house, and Mae soaked up the time with her twelve cousins. (On the way home: I miss my cousins! With wailing.)

On Saturday afternoon, the weather was so beautiful that we headed to a nearby playground so the kids could run off some (or more than some) energy.

Friends, I’m not kidding…when I got out of the car and saw this playground, I couldn’t wait to play. It was that good.

One of the first pieces of equipment we saw (and immediately jumped on) was this…to describe it? Basically as close to surfing as you can get in the Midwest and on a playground.

Long, skinny, wobbly, and requiring some good balance to stay on it.

It went up and down and up and down and I almost fell off once but totally saved it and my former-surfer pride. It was fun and a little tricky, and a great chance to bond with my sisters-in-law, all three of them, as the four of us navigated this piece of playground equipment…I’m still not sure what it was called.

But it was fun…and a happy memory from the weekend.

And, it’s probably as close to surfing as I’ll get for awhile.

What do you think? Should we build one in the backyard for Mae? 😉

**************************

Filed Under: Behind the Scenes, family, Indonesia, just life, Maelie, remembering, Tobin, travel

Behind the Scenes: Ballet Dreams

Five-Minute Friday: See

2014: Restore

Just a Chat (with Coffee)

Behind the Scenes: The Day We Shared Life

Five-Minute Friday: Reflect

Just Blogging Today

Behind the Scenes: What I Want Her to Know

Five-Minute Friday: Tree

Behind the Scenes: Surfing in Iowa

Mel

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