Maelie

When I Really Should Finish Packing…

March 14, 2014 by Mel · 6 Comments

…and because I’ve got one, uber-messy, suitcase wide open on the bed…I’m gonna blog instead. 😉

Hey, I’ve got five hours before we leave for the airport. It’s. ALL. good.

And so here I sit…on the hallway floor, leaning against the wall, out of sight of messes and reminders of what I should be doing, and instead…

Letting you know what’s really on my heart. It’s been awhile.

Tonight the three of us are headed out, just one layover and 31 1/2ish hours separating us from a place that holds a piece of my heart.

It hasn’t always been the pretty piece of my heart…but it’s an important one.

The reasons we decided to go back for a visit to Indo are really too numerous to count.

To visit friends and our beloved pembantu.

To take our daughter there so she can see it and know what Indonesia actually is.

To rebel against this ridiculous winter we’ve had. (Ok, I just had to throw that in…not really. Tickets were purchased mostly before the freezing, too-much-snow, madness began.) 😉 I will fully admit that Bali is included in our agenda for a few days, though.

But the real reason…and one that went so unspoken in our house for so long…is this.

We need closure.

Almost four years later, there’s something missing.

I think a lot of it comes down to the way things ended. Pregnancy, leaving the country separately, so many unknowns, a hard last year…it was just time.

And while my 32-weeks-pregnant body couldn’t exactly run out of Indonesia, I sure did my best.

These last years have provided so much time for reflection. For processing. And, yes, for writing.

There is currently a rough draft of a book that I hope and pray will see the shelves of a bookstore near you soon. 😉

But that book…it touches the good memories. A few difficult, but mostly the good. The funny. The ones that are easy to share.

The truth? Is that there’s a lot more that needs to be added…but before I can go there, I need to go back.

I don’t expect any deep, philosophical conversations about the time we spent there to happen. Nor do I really think that going back that far and revisiting hurts is a good way to spend our limited days. But I do think, if for no other reason, my feet need to touch Indonesian soil again so I can say a proper goodbye.

The kind that says, thank you. Thank you for all you meant to me. Not, thank you for giving me so many reasons to want to leave.

My heart is a bit raw when I think of leaving our lives here for two weeks to go back…and yet, I know there is so much good waiting for us. The smiles and hugs and hearts of people who mean so much, the beautiful green and mountains, reminding me of my Creator and the One Who loves us completely. The conversations I can’t wait to have over coffee. (Indonesia makes some gooooood coffee.) And, yes, the outlet shopping. (Oh, come on. You know me, right?) 😉

All of those are so worth it, too.

So I guess, in all of this rambling and putting off the packing, I’m letting you all know that I have no idea what the next two weeks look like.

I know they don’t include a lot of blogging or social media. Or texting. Or, really, being connected too often.

In fact, my time away looks just like that. Away.

Time to breathe and enjoy the moments surrounding me with my precious husband and daughter. It’s truly a gift, and I plan on embracing it.

So if you don’t hear from me, don’t worry.

And if you miss my words, know that I’m busy living the moments so I can tell you the stories later.

I love you all and am so grateful you are part of my journey.

Now, back to packing…though, really. Wouldn’t it be awesome if the suitcases could actually pack themselves?!

See you again soon.

Filed Under: adventures, blessings, encouragement, friends, Indonesia, Maelie, remembering, Tobin, travel, what I'm learning, where I am, writing

Coffee For Your Heart: On Death Grips and Inspiration

February 26, 2014 by Mel · 22 Comments

We’re sixteen days out.

Sixteen sleeps, as I tell my girl.

It’s crazy…craaaaazy…that in just two and a half weeks, our family of three will be boarding a plane bound for Indonesia. (Only for a two week visit…just in case you thought we were moving back. Nope.)

To be honest, I don’t think I’ve fully processed all that will actually go into an opposite-side-of-the-world trip with a toddler. I know there will be extra packing and more organization than normal needed…gone are the days when we can toss things into suitcases the night before and call it good. Now I actually have to plan what she will need, not only while we’re there…but while we’re on the plane. While we’re in the airports. While she’s up at two a.m. and running circles in someone else’s house, thanks to the inevitable, sleep-stealing, jet-lag.

I have gone over and over potential details of this trip in my head…meaning I’m pretty sure I’m missing a lot. (I need to just Make. A. List.) 😉

But I’ve planned surprise activities and gifts for Mae. (A huge thank you to the dollar section at Target.)

Lots of snacks. (Hello, endless fruit snacks and goldfish. Hypothetically, of course. Of. Course.) 😉

New headphones so she can watch movies and play games. (The first flight is 14 hours. The second, nine. Plus a stellar eight hours in the Doha airport. Yeah….)

My goal is to do everything in my power to keep her busy, entertained, and blissfully unaware of what happens when the plane lands.

Because here comes the confession. 😉

I’m not a great flier. I do fine once we’re in the air, but the takeoffs send my heart rate up, and the landings? Well, they send it through the roof.

It’s pretty safe to say I hate landings, which is so weird and ironic, because those landings mean we’ve finally arrived, and the fun can begin.

But I still loathe them…and freak out far more than a person should.

Though the takeoffs make me nervous, I totally plan on grabbing Mae’s hand, comforting her if she’s scared, being close and letting her know that her mommy is there as the plane soars into the sky.

She thinks we’re taking the plane to heaven…goodness, I hope not. 😉

But the landings…well, that’s where I might get selfish and hand it ALL over to my hubby. I’ll be too busy trying to calm my own heart, attempting to keep my pulse inside of my body, hoping I don’t break my fingers as I death-grip the armrest.

And that will be hard for me…I know it. I will struggle as my three year-old sees fear in her mama, up close and right in front of her.

It’s not something I’m proud of…but I also know something. I’ve been on a gazillion flights…I think, last time I counted, we are hovering near the 200 mark.

And I know…I KNOW…it’s not going to be different.

I’m not going to magically have a calm heart and be all chill when the plane hits the runway and, most likely, does a hopefully-only-little bounce. I can pray, and I know He will give me the strength to get through it.

My Father knows how good my prayer life is when a plane is about to land…but He also knows that’s how I face fear.

I’ve been thinking about fear and how I so often view it as a weakness.

But it’s not. Really, it’s just an opportunity to lean on Him and not let that fear overtake me.

And that’s what I’m hoping my daughter sees in me when we have the first of six landings. And the second, the third, the fourth…

When I think about people who inspire me (though I’M not necessarily inspired by ME) I think of those who stare down fear and rise above it.

And that doesn’t always mean the death grip is released and the heart rate returns to it’s usual, whatever number.

It simply means there’s a trust that God is bigger than all of it. Because He is.

I think of a sweet friend and mama who is raising her six precious kiddos alone. She’s so brave as she lives a life that looks different from what she planned, and I’m sure there are times when she is afraid and times when her kids might even see that fear. But she faces it, she trusts in Him as she walks in Grace, and she inspires a lot of people.

I think of a friend who is facing unknown right now…scary unknown. And he chooses joy and trust in the midst of it, knowing that God’s plan is always the right one. That? It’s inspiring.

I think of a dreaming sister who fights for her family and for what’s right, even if it comes at a cost. The days can be hard and the future blurry, but she walks on in faith. And she inspires me.

And I’m hoping that maybe…maybe…one day down the road, my sweet Mae will see the death grip and the shaky, sweaty hands of her mama as inspiring.

Someday. 😉

In the meantime, I’m gonna fight that fear…because He didn’t give me a spirit of fear.

He gave me a reason to lean on Him.

Our Indonesian adventure with a toddler is just 16 days away…bring it on!

This time, as a family of three…and I. Can’t. Wait.

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I love my sweet friend, Holley‘s, new link-up! Her Coffee For Your Heart: 2014 Encouragement Challenge is just what it sounds like. Think of Wednesdays as that day where I just share some encouragement…and you can pretend that we’re sitting at a table over coffee, just sharing life. Sounds like a great way to spend Wednesdays in this space. I hope you’ll hop over and join us!

Filed Under: adventures, being mommy, blessings, coffee, culture shock, encouragement, just life, Maelie, Tobin, travel, where I am

Coffee For Your Heart: I’ve Got Joy

February 19, 2014 by Mel · 22 Comments

Just call me Mom of the Year.

Really. I may even sport a sash today, declaring it to the world. (Or, at least my town.) 😉

Blame it on the lingering, flu-like whatever I’ve been fighting, the distractions that come with some commitments, the crazy of chasing a three year-old all day, or the fact that I’m just Mel.

Probably all of them are to blame a little yesterday.

It’s bad enough that I missed her Valentine party last week…more on that some other day. Ahem. 😉 AND that I walked into her PK room just in time to hear her tell her teacher, But I don’t haaaaave a mommy {here}!

Dagger to the heart. Vow to never mess up so badly again.

Enter Tuesday.

Bless my heart, I got her to school on time, even a few minutes early. I went home, made some coffee, got a few things done. Definitely looking like it’s gonna be a good day.

Pick her up right at 11:00. Perfect.

Go home. Give both of us a chance to rest and hopefully kick the rest of the flu nastiness.

Mae has her pb&j…and I hear my phone go. A text.

Are you guys coming to lunch? We miss you!

Stink.

Oh, stink.

Stink, stink, stink.

I forgot.

HOW did I forget?

Special lunch for sweet little three and four year olds at a fun restaurant not too far away. I prepaid. I. Even. Set. A. Reminder.

And I forgot.

I was almost in tears when I told Mae that I’d forgotten. We quickly put our coats on and headed out to catch the end of it, but I was afraid she’d missed the fun.

I told her I was sorry, and she squeezed my hand.

It’s ok, mommy. I still love you. We’ll have fun!

Melt. Me.

Oh. Oh, how often I focus on the times when I mess up. (I kind of do it often. But still.)

But this little girl…she looks at the good…she finds the joy.

JOY. She’s got it.

She didn’t see yesterday as a Mommy-messed-up, day. She saw it as an I-get-to-go-hang-out-with-my-friends, day.

She saw the joy in the moment…and she’s reminding me to do the same.

Joy…it’s found in so many moments. So many.

My Father’s love for me. Promises from His Word. Sweet, good-morning hugs from my favorite toddler. Happy doggies panting in excitement to see me. A kiss from my hubby. Bowling with my girl. A fun Valentine’s dinner with friends. A fresh pot of coffee to make those six a.m.’s just a bit more bearable. A sweet voxer thread from my team of dreaming sisters. A heart-and-coffee chat with a dear friend. Prayers. Uplifting words, verses. Writing. Singing. Playing handbells. A long, not-too-early, morning run. Reconnecting with an old friend. Anticipating a long-awaited, other-side-of-the-world, reunion. Beach trips and surfing. Laughter. Rainy season memories. Family. Being home. An amazing neighborhood. Community. Church. Bible Study. Learning to love others.

I could keep going for a long, long time. There are so many things that bring joy…because the Giver of that joy?

Well, He’s Good.

And this little girl…well, she is one of my biggest JOYS.

And she might have even seen me as Mom of the Year yesterday, too.

Do you think I could get her to make me a sash? 😉

What brings you joy today?

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Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, coffee, encouragement, family, friends, just life, Maelie, what I'm learning, where I am

Embracing Your Gifts: God-Sized Dreams Link Up

February 11, 2014 by Mel · Leave a Comment

I’m mama to the sweetest…and spunkiest…toddler in the world.

Or, at least it feels that way.

Oh, the spunk and sparkle that my Maelie has packed into her three years and almost-eight months of life so far.

We joke in our house that she came out of the womb with a mind of her own, and that hasn’t changed.

And what’s been awesome to see is how God has used her spunky personality to bless others…even though she’s young.

It’s translated to things like random people at church getting full-on hugs. Chatting with people in the store…one day when she was two, she literally greeted an entire family as they walked into Target.

She’s not afraid of anyone…and she’s not afraid to love them, either.

Last fall my husband took her to a playground just down our street. While she was playing, a little girl fell off her bike nearby and was crying. As people went to help her, Mae jumped up to go, too. Wanting to keep her out of the way, my husband asked her to stay with him.

And in all of her three year-old wisdom…and there was a lot of it…she realized what she could do. She stopped, folded her hands, and prayed for the little girl.

That spunkiness? It’s also becoming compassion…

Today I’m over at God-Sized Dreams, sharing a piece of my story…really, a piece of the story God is writing for my little girl.

Join me?

Filed Under: being mommy, encouragement, God-Sized Dreams, Maelie, remembering, where I am

Coffee For Your Heart: On Grace and Yoga Pants

February 5, 2014 by Mel · 30 Comments

It’s five a.m. and I have to be honest here…

This morning is not looking good already.

I’m sick…boo for the world’s fastest-hitting cold/flu/junk. Scratchy throat yesterday turned into a fever, coughing, and being up a lot of the night. I am hoping and praying that means this thing is just moving its way through my body that quickly, too. There’s always hope, right? 😉

To add to it, T is out of town and though his plane is supposed to get in this morning, I’m looking at the snow falling and wondering if he just might get an extra day in warm, sunny, WARM (did I mention that?) 😉 Arizona. (If I wasn’t sick, I might be tempted to pray that he’d get just that.)

And my sweet girlie woke up scared of the monster in her closet not too long ago, and even through a half-dazed stupor, my momma heart just broke. All I could do was comfort her and lie down with her for a minute.

Today is not promising to be the best day…in fact, it might be the kind where I never find the shower and I stay in my yoga pants, the ones I’ve slept in for at least the last two nights. 😉

And I have to be honest with you, friends…too often, I let the circumstances of my moments dictate my days.

We are starting off rough. Rough. And there are certain things that aren’t just going to go away.

Colds happen…grab the tissues, embrace the yoga pants, and sneak in a nap while she watches PBS.

I can’t stop the snow from falling. Give thanks that it’s a beautiful view, pour the coffee, and let go of the fact that the shoveling might not get done today.

My girl drifted back to sleep, at least for now, and I know she’ll be fine. Thank you, Jesus, that monsters in the closet can be chased away by tough and determined mamas with really, really CRAZY bedhead.

Sometimes days are hard.

I’d love….loooooooove…to start each day after eight hours of sleep, followed by a morning run, blog post scheduled the night before. And while we’re at it, let’s throw in a patient mama, an obedient toddler, and a perfect husband.

Oh, I love them, but that’s not life.

And when days like today roll around…Grace. Heaps of it.

I’m looking at the clock, and I know my girl will probably sleep for at least another hour. Time for this mama to rest.

We don’t have to be anywhere. She loves a jammie day…and what a bonus with a beautiful view. Maybe we’ll make hot cocoa, too.

And if T doesn’t make it home today, we both have cell phones. Plus there are a few friends I haven’t chatted with in a long time. It would be fun to catch up.

I don’t know where you are today, friend. I hope you had some great sleep and are ready to conquer the day with a cup of coffee in your hand and a smile on your face.

But maybe you’re feeling the way I am…and if you are, know something. There’s grace. Don’t be afraid to do what you need to…and know that He’s going to get you through it.

And remember, too, that a day spent in yoga pants is perfectly acceptable. 😉

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You can also get her fabulous new book here!

Filed Under: being mommy, encouragement, just life, Maelie, Tobin, where I am

Behind the Scenes: Bless the Mess

February 4, 2014 by Mel · 26 Comments

I’ve never pretended to be a neat freak.

In fact, those of you who know me, even somewhat well, are laughing right now. 😉

I wouldn’t label myself a slob…it’s just that I definitely flirt with the cluttered side of life sometimes, and I think there are days (weeks? months? YEARS?) that go by when I don’t even notice it. 😉 That might be, too, because it’s so much how my brain is All. The. Time.

Seriously, friends? I feel Sooooooooo. Scattered. Lately.

I can’t believe how much, some days, my head feels like it’s just spinning at a rate I can’t even comprehend.

I even made REAL to-do lists…that’s kind of (mostly) unheard of for this girl. 😉

The other day I was looking at this picture I snapped…the one of the flowers my hubby brought home…and I realized how much MESS there was surrounding what was supposed to be the focal point of the picture.

Ay, ay, ay.

Do you ever feel like this picture?

I have to admit that when I first saw it and took in the mess, I kind of shuddered.

But then…well, I started to see beauty in it.

Beauty like…

…flowers. Well, duh. 😉 Because gerbera daisies are my favorite, and he knows that. I’m loved. And blessed.

…a wipe-off board. One my three year-old is using to practice her letters. Her little brain is soaking it all up. Blessed.

…a sweet photo from Chuck E Cheese. Memories of a day with my girl that was so much more fun than I could have imagined.

…a water bottle from workout a few nights before. I’m healthy, strong, and able to push my body hard. Blessed.

…a stack of books and my Bible. There’s so much out there to learn, so many ways He wants to grow me. Blessed again.

…a winter wonderland outside. Granted, I’ve had it up to my faux hawk 😉 with snow this year…as most of us have. But when I look out and see a beautiful view and am reminded of the blessing God gave us in this home, well…I know I’m blessed.

…a Compassion envelope on the table containing a letter from our sweet, sponsored child in Indonesia, Putra. Thank you, Jesus, for the blessing of being able to pray for him and to be part of His life. I’m the one being blessed here.

And, as I’m processing the millions of blessings I’ve been given?

I look closely and see the words printed on the vase, the one my hubby picked out of the cabinet.

Grateful for simple blessings.

It’s true that life is often messy. Whether the mess covers the dining room table, the living room floor, or just resides in a busy life or dreams that are All. Over. The. Place… 😉

There have been days lately…a lot of them…when I can’t quite figure out the mess.

When I look at my dreams and I have no clue where they’re going or what they look like.

I see them changing in ways I wasn’t expecting.

I see a rough draft that has been almost-untouched for months.

And I wonder what He’s doing in all the mess.

And maybe I don’t know the answer to all of that, but I do know that I can trust where He’s going when I don’t.

There are so many blessings. SO. Many.

Even in the beautiful mess of the unknown.

I need to count them more often.

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Linking up with two of my favorites today!

On Tuesdays, I hang out with some of my favorite friends at Crystal’s place, where she hosts Behind the Scenes.

Behind the Scenes” is a fun link up where we show those photos – but tell the real story behind them. The sneak peek behind the scenes, a look past the edges of the photo to the real life behind it.

And I’m also linking up at God-Sized Dreams, with my favorite dreaming sisters!

I hope you’ll join us for the sweet, sentimental, and silly stories that make up our days…and our dreams.

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My sweet friend, Holley, who has blessed me so much with her heart, her words, her life…she’s releasing her new book today! (And it’s soooo good!!!) Would you join me in cheering loudly for her?! And you can buy it here, too. 😉

Filed Under: Behind the Scenes, being mommy, blessings, encouragement, God-Sized Dreams, just life, Maelie, where I am

Behind the Scenes: On Messes, Hot Cocoa, and a New Bed

January 28, 2014 by Mel · 26 Comments

I admit it: I’m not always that mom. You know, that mom.

The one who will let her daughter create messes with abandon and then dance around the room, cleaning them up after her.

Oh, we have fun…just not the pudding-on-the-walls, glue-all-over-the-table kind.

I try to be messy-fun, I do…sometimes. I even offered to let her finger paint last week and she turned me down.

No joke. 😉

But lately…well, I’ve tried to be better about the mess factor.

She’ll help me make her peanut butter and jelly (or Nutella or fluff) sandwiches or bake cookies.

She’ll spread her play-doh mess all over the dining room table, and I just smile. (And play along because play-doh really IS fun.) 😉

We set up a whole camping scene in the living room last week with lots of blankets and had a total blast.

And, lately…she loves hot cocoa. LOVES it.

And I sometimes-cringe because the chocolate doesn’t just streak her face…it streaks her clothes, the table, and everything within ten feet. This picture shows a little of the mess, though I didn’t get a really good shot. Trust me…she’s chocolatey. 😉

But the funny thing is that, this past Saturday when she was having her daily dose of cocoa-goodness, I didn’t even think about the mess this time.

Instead, I thought about the fact that she sat at the table, drinking out of a REAL MUG, looking like such a big girl.

She’s growing up.

And then, to crack this mama’s heart just a bit more…at that very moment, Tobin was upstairs putting this together.

Yes, my friends, you are actually seeing this.

Cutie patootie toddler, adorable purple butterfly bedding, and big girl bed. BIG. GIRL. BED.

I am not sure I even know what to do with this, and we’re on night #3. (With couch cushions propped on the floor in case she falls out.)

I so badly…SO badly…wish for a pause button. In fact, I kind of just want to stomp my feet in protest, wrap her in my arms, and never let her go.

Because, you know, THAT will stop the passage of time. 😉

And then I take a deep breath and remember (for the millionth time) that time doesn’t stop, and the best thing to do is just enjoy the ride and live the dreams of today.

Embrace every moment, every mess, every bed jump, every hot cocoa stain…because every single one of them are gifts.

Good, messy, wonderful gifts.

And maybe that’s just a good motto for life…take what comes and embrace it fully, no matter what it looks like and no matter what we wish it could be.

Take every season as beautiful…even the ones that include big girl beds and mama tears that spill over just a tad. Remembering to give thanks to the Giver, too…because the gifts He gives sometimes come wrapped in a bit of heartache mixed with joy, but they’re still good gifts.

Let’s dance through it all, sweet girl…and let’s make a few more messes.

Because there’s no one I’d rather dance with…or mess up the house with…than you.

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Linking up with two of my favorites today!

On Tuesdays, I hang out with some of my favorite friends at Crystal’s place, where she hosts Behind the Scenes.

And I’m also linking up at God-Sized Dreams, with my favorite dreaming sisters!

I hope you’ll join us for the sweet, sentimental, and silly stories that make up our days.

Filed Under: Behind the Scenes, being mommy, blessings, family, God-Sized Dreams, just life, Maelie, what I'm learning, where I am

Five-Minute Friday: Visit

January 23, 2014 by Mel · 24 Comments

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo for Five-Minute Friday. So, grab a timer, set it for five minutes, and join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write. Then leave some comment love for the person who linked up before you…and anyone else because that’s the fun and the heart of the community!

Today’s prompt: Visit

I can’t believe it’s already been almost four years.

Four years since I clung to him at the airport, seven-month-preggo belly creating distance between our embrace, tears staining my cheeks as I released his hand and stumbled toward immigration alone.

Four years since I said goodbye.

Oh, not to him. He followed me six weeks later, after he’d completed his commitment to the school and just in time for the birth of our sweet Mae.

No, it’s been almost four years since I said goodbye to my other home…the one on the opposite side of the world.

Time flies. Like a jumbo jet across the Pacific…and I have been waiting for the day when we can board one again for a visit.

There have been many, many days when life here…the life we know and love now…has completely enveloped me. He has poured His blessings on, and we have gratefully accepted them. This is a good place, one I’m So. Very. Blessed. to call my home.

But there have also been the days when my heart longs to Visit. To go back and hug the people I love who live so far away, those I said goodbye to as tears brimmed and hearts ached.

And a couple weeks ago, we bought tickets!!!!!!

Can I throw in a late-night, happy dance? I just think one belongs here. 😉

It still feels surreal that, in a short 57 days, (yikes!) the three of us will board a plane. And after a stop in Qatar (who knew? I had to look it up on a map…), our plane will land in Jakarta, and my feet will, once again, step down on Indonesian soil, the dirt happily making its way between my flip-flop clad toes. (In March…be jealous. Very jealous.) 😉

There will be a beach trip, hopefully a little surfing, some BFF time, an exploration of all-things outlet shopping…but mostly?

There will be time to love people…those people I have missed so much that my heart aches over the distance that spans these two countries.

I can’t wait to visit.

Filed Under: adventures, blessings, friends, Indonesia, Maelie, remembering, Tobin, travel, where I am

For When Your Dreams Are All Over The Map

January 22, 2014 by Mel · 2 Comments

She splashed around the pool, princess kickboard in hand, two plastic mermaid dolls perched on top.

I watched, smiling, as her three-year-old imagination took off, and soon she and her friends were sailing away for the adventure of a lifetime. Yes, my toddler hasn’t yet figured out that mermaids can’t survive on a boat.

Ssshhh…don’t tell her.

A few minutes into the dialogue — the part that goes beyond her usual, tell-me-about-your-day — she delves into the dreams.

Let’s all sail around the world together! It will be an adventure!

And I continued to watch with what was probably the goofiest smile ever plastered on my face.

Her three-year-old dreams…they were So. Big.

Yet, in her mind, the So. Big. translated to the Completely. Possible.

Oh, the lessons I can take away from an afternoon spent in the pool with my sweet daughter. She was convinced at the time that she could sail the world with those two mermaids if she wanted, and nothing would stand in their way.

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A dreamer too, I was so like my daughter as a child.

I’ve had dreams brewing in my heart for as long as I can remember … ones that reached oceans beyond my small town. And, in my young mind, there was no reason they wouldn’t happen…

Today I’m over at God-sized Dreams, sharing a piece of my dreaming journey. Join me, won’t you?

photo credit: Nicolas Raymond

Filed Under: adventures, being mommy, encouragement, God-Sized Dreams, just life, Maelie, remembering, Tobin, what I'm learning, where I am, writing

Coffee For Your Heart: SO. Loved.

January 15, 2014 by Mel · 32 Comments

I’m the momma to a sweet little girl. (I think most of you know that by now.) 😉

I spend my days laughing with and loving this wonderful, energetic, burst of sunshine…one that my Father knew our family needed.

And most of the days we spend together are truly wonderful…there are games and playing puzzles and laughing and usually singing. Listening to the Frozen soundtrack over and over. Dress-up and dancing. Furniture leaping when I turn my back.

😉

And, yes, she’s wearing a Halloween shirt.
After Christmas.
Because, you know, she’s THREE. 😉

But then there ARE those days, too.

The kind when age three takes over and the stubbornness (from both sides!) comes in, and we struggle.

Yesterday afternoon was one of those times.

I had things I had to get done in-between the fun of our day…and one of those things was our Tuesday, God-Sized Dream, prayer meeting over Google Hangout.

The routine is usually the same…Mae gets to pick out a longer show or movie, something that will keep her occupied while I’m doing that. And most of the time…most…it’s a good plan, and it works.

But yesterday, there must have been something in her apple juice. Seriously.

In the background of the phone call, she was howling.

I’m not talking the laughter kind of howling…I’m talking the wolf kind.

Ow…OOOOOOOHHHHHH! (That sound is really hard to put into actual letters.) 😉

I tried to gently hush her, and for the most part, she listened and went back to watching My Little Ponies.

And then…and not kidding here…just as I’ve uttered about TWO words of a prayer, she comes up to me. Yanks on my arm.

I gave her hand a little squeeze and tried to keep going.

But she keeps pulling, and I pause to look over.

She’s rubbing her belly…this annoying thing she’s started to do when she wants a snack. Which is like All. Day. Long. I’m convinced that toddlers want snacks all the live long day.

I shake my head no, but she’ll have none of it.

And as I try to go back to prayer, she hits my arm.

At this point, I have to excuse myself from the prayer and step AWAY from the camera.

After scolding her for hitting me, I take her into the kitchen to try to find something to get her through the last minutes of prayer time. Thinking she wants an apple or grapes, I go for the fruit.

No, mommy. I’m hungry!!! Can I have a Hershey’s kiss?

Really, child? You pulled me away from prayer time FOR. A. HERSHEY’S. KISS.

Those words may-or-may-not-have escaped my lips.

But at that point, I was more concerned with getting back to prayer time and keeping her happy (not necessarily my finest parenting here…) and so I obliged.

Miraculously, it worked for awhile.

Later when we’d finished prayer, and I’d hung up, she came over to me.

Mommy, I love you. I just want to be close to you. And she wrapped her arms around me.

And as we grabbed hands and went back to playing together, I thought of how blessed I am to be loved by such a wonderful little girl.

Yes, there are belly-rubbing, Hershey’s-kiss-begging, just-plain-bad, parenting moments…but there’s still love. Forgiveness.

And the deep desire to just be close.

Yesterday my sweet girl reminded me how much she loves me, even on the days I mess up big time.

And that was such a sweet reminder to me of how much my Father loves me, too, in spite of me being me, in spite of the times I mess up, even on those days when I don’t show the love I should to Him.

Friend, you are loved.

SO. Loved.

Remember that today.

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Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, coffee, encouragement, just life, Maelie, uncategorized, what I'm learning, where I am

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