Diet Pepsi on the Patio

June 22, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

It’s been a long while since I’ve been able to blog from outside.

Insert sing-song voice…

Guess what?!?!

My. Mac. Is. BACK.

Stop sing-song voice, though I could sing my whole post to you. I just won’t. 😉 

I honestly feel like I’m on borrowed time with it, but after being without it for almost a year, it sure is nice to have my old friend working. Well, at least for now… 😉

So I’m chillin’ on the back patio, drinking my Diet Pepsi, watching Mae play with her new cozy coupe…and it’s a happy, late-Friday morning.

We’re heading to Janesville this afternoon/evening to see some dear Indo-friends. They’re “home” for a short six weeks, squeezing in the wedding of their daughter and sending the other daughter off to college, and then they’ll be moving to Peru. We’ll see them at the wedding, but were hoping to find another time to catch up, too…you know, when the rest of the world doesn’t want to catch up with them at the same time. Though it will be short, we’re really looking forward to it. :) Precious moments like this, no matter how long, are worth the drive.

This weekend I’m hoping to tackle the first of three summer projects I have planned. (There IS a fourth…if I have time.) The first is the smallest…painting a wall in the kitchen with magnetic paint to make up for the lack of magnetic appliances in our kitchen. :) Then I’m painting over it with green to add a little color, too. 

My July projects involve FINALLY painting the front living room…I decided on a blueish color…and organizing Maelie’s clothes and nursery. And if I get REALLY ambitious, de-cluttering the basement is on for August.

We’ll see.

We’re gonna start with buying all the paint we need at once so it will motivate me more to follow through. And I promised myself that once I do the kitchen, I can do a fun painting for it. (Truly, that DOES help motivate me. ;))

On Monday Mae and I are off for two or three days on an adventure I will tell you more about later. We’re really looking forward to it. :) Well, I am. She will love it once we get there.

And…God has kind of been telling me something.

That kind of thing where I don’t necessarily want to listen, but He’s speaking loud and clear, and it’s time for me to obey.

So, insert deep breath…

It’s time for me to quit writing every day.

Golly, did I just say that? 

I have always been intentional about not letting it interfere with time that needs to be spent on other things. However, no matter when, it’s time. 

And that time is taking away from something or someone no matter what I tell myself.

So, starting today, I’m gonna be a normal blogger.

Just fyi, we’re not discussing the word “normal” today. :) 

There might be weeks that I blog five days and weeks that I blog three.

But the honest truth is that I can’t keep this up forever, and while I love to write and share my heart, I don’t want my daughter to know me as a blogger…

I want her to know me as her mommy. 

While I know it won’t make sense to the vast majority of you, it feels like a death. This has been such a part of my daily life for a year and a half.

But it’s time…so here we go.

My Diet Pepsi is gone, and I’m gonna go spend time with my hubby and girl. :)

And…because we couldn’t get her to sit still for a picture, you get Mae in her cozy coupe. 😉

Happy weekend, friends. I’ll be back soon. :)

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, friends, Indonesia, just life, Maelie, where I am, writing

How Do You Choose???

June 16, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Today, I went to this website.

Definitely not the first time I’ve been to that site, but the first time I’ve gone with the intention of finding a child to sponsor.

One of the missionaries we currently support is no longer on the field; in talking where we wanted that money to go, we decided that sponsoring a child through Compassion International was a good choice.

When I pulled up the website today, the child on the front page, waiting for a sponsor?

Was from Indonesia.

I had figured we would probably choose one from Indo, but seeing her huge, so-familiar, brown eyes staring back at me was almost too much. My heart melted, and I was sure she was the one. But by the time Tobin had gotten home from the store and we could talk a little more, she had already been sponsored.

Which is a very good thing, even if I was a little bummed. :)

So…I had the site do a search for all the kids in Indonesia waiting for a sponsor.

Big mistake.Huge.

Eighty-two. EIGHTY-TWO! 

How do you even choose between them?

I looked at ages, at names, at birthdays…and narrowed it down to two. I prayed, and I really can’t decide between them. My heart hurts…

So I’m going to pray it through tonight and wait til tomorrow. I’m hoping one of them will be taken so the decision will be easy. :)

So I know I have blog readers, whether or not you guys comment or not. :) If you’ve ever wanted to bless the life of a child who truly needs it, here’s your chance.

No pressure.

Just an opportunity. :)

Sig

Filed Under: adoption, blessings, Indonesia, just life, where I am

Indo Changes

June 10, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Tonight I was outside around dusk sitting under a tree.

Just thinkin’.

I do that sometimes. :)

Actually, while I was thinking, I was trying to catch lightning bugs, too, without actually getting up and chasing them, but only a few came within arm’s length, and I missed them. Bummer. Since they were clearly avoiding me, I just sat and watched bats fly over my head. Ok, not a lot. But there were batS…plural.

I know it’s goofy and not very relevant to life as I now know it, but seeing those bats and watching with fascination reminded me that living overseas has made life different from what it once was.

For starters, it cracks me up that I can watch bats with. fascination. And those bats kinda made me miss Indo, too.

So pardon me while I take a little jaunt down recent-memory lane.

Tomorrow some of our dear friends are making the long trek back to the States after nine years in Indonesia. It’s bittersweet for us, and we’re not even there going through it. They are some of the last friends we have left at the school and are also the last real tie we have with our pembantu, Ibu Sari.

It’s crazy how a place changing so much can make my heart bleed.

I grieve what was…and what was so wonderful. A time we can’t have back but one that will be etched forever in our hearts. It brings an ache and longing for heaven and with it a hope that we will see our beloved house helper and her family there, too.

You can pray for our friends to have a safe trip and a great summer in the gool ‘ol U.S. before they begin their next big adventure on another continent in about six weeks. Seriously, I know they’d appreciate your prayers a lot.

You can pray that Tobin and I find a way to keep intentional communication going with Ibu Sari and her family. We still have a good friend at BAIS who is a national, and we know he’ll help us out however he can. It will just be harder than it was before.

So much going on in my mind and on my heart…and it may only make sense to me, but it’s where I am tonight.

So thanks for reading. :)

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, friends, Indonesia, where I am

Home…sick?

May 25, 2012 by · 1 Comment

I’ll confess tonight.

I am unbelievably homesick.

Like, tight-ache-in-my-chest homesick, tears-springing-to-my-eyes-constantly homesick, wondering-why-on-earth-I-am homesick.

I mean, I know this is my home. And I heart it. You’ve all read the love I have for where God has brought us. (And if you haven’t, I believe that the March-July 2011 blog archives will give you more than just a glimpse of that love.) :)

I was reminded today, though, that no place that becomes even a little part of us is ever gone from us.

And regardless of whether we were ready to move on or not, that means I now have this multicultural heart that will always bleed a little Indonesian.

And, boy, did it bleed today.

I think it had something to do with the fact that a pretty great class graduated today, and included in that class is a dear friend of ours. (And she reads here sometimes…so congrats, Amie! :)) I think Tobin and I both wished that we somehow could have been there. Instead, I had to live it through photos. Which was nice, but…you know, it’s not the same.

Big events like graduation and end-of-the-year events always bring back so many memories.

Memories are supposed to be reMEMbered…I get that. But sometimes I just want to hop back into them and LIVE them again. Just for a few minutes.

But I can’t, so I guess homesick is what I’ll be tonight.

Indo, I miss you.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, Indonesia, remembering, where I am

Caffeine, How I Love Thee…

May 8, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Let me count the ways.

Ok, ok, enough. 😉

Tomorrow I’ll be serious again and write about why it stinks to hold on to a grudge…and how I’m learning to let go of some things.

But today, I’m just up for caffeinated chit-chat. We’ll see what comes up. :)

We were blessed with gorgeous sunshine for all of the morning and part of the afternoon. Though I have to admit that I didn’t necessarily feel up to it, I forced us out of the house, and Mae and I took a walk to the park. She loves the one that is close to us and, for the most part, the playground equipment is just her size.

She played happily for a good 20-30 minutes, and then we headed home for her favorite snack and a nap. T’was fun.

I’m dragging today…was up a bit later than usual last night thanks to my Monday night workout. Something about getting my heart rate going for so long that late at night makes it almost impossible for me to sleep before midnight on those nights, though I do think I crashed around 11:30 or so.

Still…ugh.

It was hard to find the energy to get up this morning. (Insert three cups of coffee.) Sigh.

So I’m kind of in a weird mood and spent the last half hour or so looking at old Indonesia pictures. (Well, not that old.) 😉 It surprises me how much the ache that fills me is so familiar…almost like the pain of missing it will never leave. It is just forgotten for long stretches, but when it returns…oh, boy. I had myself a good little cry, and then smiled.

No use in crying over something that was mostly pretty wonderful. And really, it was just a tiny slice of life in the grand scheme of things.

I’ve been thinking about that lately…about how each step leads to the present and how, though those steps seem important…and they ARE…they really are just a microscopic part of God’s plan for each of us.

I love where we are right now, and soaking up the blessings of being “home” is easy at the moment. But as we were driving home from Minnesota a few days ago, I let my mind go to this place that I hardly EVER go.

What if He asks us to go again?

Thinking that question usually involves a lot of head-shaking and eye-squinting and heart-reassuring that we’re here for good.

But I guess I don’t really know that.

It boils down to obedience…and keeping my heart in the place where I’ll listen to Him when He speaks. But I also know that my God gives good things to us when we desire His best, and He knows what I desire. So I trust that He’ll give me just that and let me stay.

I have no idea why I went on that little tangent, but hey…it’s life.

And my life is full of thinking and processing, so sometimes weird things spill onto the pages of this place. Hee hee.

😀

Speaking of giggles, I found a few fun pictures while browsing Indo-life…I thought you might enjoy them. I seriously smile despite the quirkiness of a couple of these. I’m so thankful for the five years of crazy and wonderful and mixed-up and blessed that we were given in the land of nasi and motorbikes and sweet people.

Aaaahhh.

It did my heart good to do some reflecting.

Ok, the pics. Enjoy. :)

I forgot we had these. Can we say CRAZY hair day? (Really, that’s what day it was.) But this was mostly Tobin, because I? Can totally rock the Princess-Leia-meets-polka-dots look any day. 😉

This paradise was ours for four days…seriously. We booked a hotel that was incredibly cheap because it had just opened and apparently no one knew about it yet. We stayed in this brand-new, five-star gem for around $25 a night and had the place to ourselves. Can we say Happy 5th Anniversary?!?! It was oh-so fun. :)

This picture completely cracks me up. One year on Indonesian Independence Day, August 17, our school hosted a community celebration with all of the traditional games. This one involved tying a string with a nail on the end of it to the back of your pants. Then, squatting, you had to get the nail into a glass soda bottle, pick the bottle up between your legs without the nail coming out, and run to the finish line. I am the second from the left (barefoot…big surprise!) and was the proud runner-up. Oy… 😀 

And this would definitely be included a perfect day…sitting on the beach. Preferably this Indonesian one. With some coffee and friends. :)

Just a few fun, incredibly random, memories…thanks for stopping by the blog today!

Sig

Filed Under: barefoot, blessings, friends, Indonesia, just life, random, remembering, where I am

A Memory

April 29, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

…because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well.
1 Thessalonians 2:8.

Just remembering today. :) And giving thanks.


Sig

Filed Under: blessings, Indonesia, remembering, where I am

A Heart Spill

April 17, 2012 by · 2 Comments

I just started a pot of coffee. (It’s 9:15 p.m.)

It could potentially be a long chat tonight. (And if it’s not, hey…hubby will have iced coffee in the morning. ;))

So for the last few days…I’ve kinda fluffed my way around the blog. I didn’t really write junk…I just wrote things that didn’t make me think too hard. The fact is, I’ve been thinking a lot lately.

But putting those thoughts into words on a blog is much more difficult than the actual thinking. (I write some pretty great bestsellers in my head!)

I’m not sure how to process this…so I may just let my thoughts spill and see where they go. I apologize, in advance, if you hopped over here for Mel’s witty take on life. Maybe tomorrow. :)

By the way, you may have noticed that the blog is different? Yeah. I’m in the middle of updating some things and figured…if I can’t change the past, at least I can change my blog!

So I really hate those nights when I KNOW I need to share something. (Or a million somethings.)

It has been a really discouraging week. I can’t count the number of times that uninvited tears have overflowed and made my eyeliner run all over the place. Or how often I’ve felt so exhausted and drained that doing anything has felt impossible. Or how often, out of sheer exhaustion and impatience, I’ve raised my voice at Mae.

On Saturday (following several days of this), Tobin and I knew we needed to get out of the house, and the three of us went to Menards. Mae did fine for the first part of the trip and started to get fussy toward the end. While we were waiting in line to check out, I gave her a tiny sip of my coffee to calm her down. (Judge me now. Enough people in line were doing it.) I could feel their eyes burning at me, and to make matters worse…that one sip only made her want more. She started screaming, Coffee! Coffee! Coffee! After a few seconds, when it became apparent that this wasn’t going to stop anytime soon, I picked her up, took her outside, and carried her across the entire parking lot to our van while she continued her rant.

I could feel people staring at me, and it only reiterated the thought that I’m a bad mommy.

Lie.

Add to it the fact that for some reason, Indonesia keeps coming back to me…and not in good ways.

Here’s the thing. We loved it there. (Most of the time.) But we also struggled, and it was no secret to anyone that we were ready for what was next. I don’t believe we left on bad terms, though I do know that God definitely had something else for us and that He moved us on at the right time.

Lately I’ve been seeing pictures on facebook and hearing stories of how great my former students are doing…and I’m filled with questions and, often, regret. Don’t misunderstand me…I completely loved them and am thrilled that they’re thriving. But it makes me wonder…

Did I do enough? Did I love them enough? Did I let them know how much they mean to me? Was I a terrible teacher?

More lies.

Tobin and I have been through one of our more difficult seasons of marriage recently. The details don’t belong here, we’re working through things, and we really are ok even if there are tough days. But there are also those times when I look around the house and see a total disaster…a sink full of dirty dishes, clothes thrown around the bedroom, a nursery floor covered with books and toys or we exchange less-than-kind words…and I start believing that I am bad at this wife thing.

You know, the lies are really starting to get to me.

It’s been a silent week. The kind where friends are busy and plans don’t happen like I thought they might. My phone has been pretty quiet and my social interaction pretty limited. For an extrovert who thrives on being busy and social, this is possibly the worst kind of week. And even though I know it’s not me, I start to believe that my friends don’t want me.

I’m ready to squash satan’s lies.

Really.

The fact is that I know, as a mommy, I have my days. We all do. But I also have DAYS…the ones when Maelie and I have the best time ever together and we laugh all day long and have adventures and soak up every moment of this precious, mother-daughter bond. We make memories that will be etched in my mind forever and, hopefully soon, in hers.

That’s truth.

It’s also fact that, though Indonesia wasn’t perfect, it was still time that wasn’t wasted. While we don’t know the kind of impact we had, we know that we were impacted and left there feeling completely blessed for having the chance to be part of what God is doing there. We got to love some pretty amazing students and grow with some incredible friends.

More truth.

I believe with everything in me that satan will try everything to destroy a marriage. Tobin and I aren’t perfect and we’re fully aware of that, but we love each other, and we love our Father. We’re both guilty of letting things like a dirty kitchen and selfish moments take over our days…but at the end of those days, we love each other and we’re committed.

Complete truth.

And while I’ve had a lonely week, sometimes I forget that being alone isn’t necessarily a bad thing. One thing I don’t do well is be still…and maybe that’s a lesson He’s trying to teach me. To take those times I feel alone and let Him fill that void. My first instinct, rather than to grab my Bible, is to grab my cell phone. He always meets me exactly where I am, with exactly what I need for the day.

He is Truth.

I guess I share all of this to ask you to pray for me. Please pray…

…that I’ll be able to throw regret out the window and live fully in the present.

…that I’ll choose to ignore satan’s lies and walk in Truth.

…that I’ll strive to live a life that pleases Him every single day. 

He’s Good…and His Truth is just that.

True.

Thanks for listening. :)

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, encouragement, friends, Indonesia, just life, Maelie, marriage, prayer, remembering, Tobin, what I'm learning, where I am

I Miss Her

February 15, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

I have often talked about our house helper in Indonesia, Ibu Sari, and how much I miss her.

When I talk about missing her…I’m talking about her as my friend. I miss cooking with her, laughing with her, practicing my Indonesian with her…just being her friend. She’s wonderful. :)

And though, at times, I’ve missed the things she did for us, I think I did ok adjusting. For the most part I can keep up on laundry and cooking and (some) cleaning. (No comments from a certain person reading this… ;))

But today I missed her for a completely selfish reason.

See, she used to make this coffee cake for us.

I made it once, it took a small forever, and she watched. I planned that she would watch me make it so I would never have to do it again. I know, I know…I’m a teeny bit sneaky. 😉

And, without even asking, she made it all the time…probably at least once a month. And if we ever went on a trip, we knew it would be there waiting for us when we got back. (Once, it was the only thing we had to eat in the house.

True story.)

We haven’t had it since Indonesia…in fact, I think I ate a piece of it the morning I left. :) But there’s a reason for that.

(insert cheesy grin and slight head tilt)

And I rediscovered it tonight.

I have treats for Bible study tomorrow morning and have been planning to make this for a couple weeks.

Why did I NOT look at the recipe before today?

More importantly, how did I possibly FORGET why I hate making this so much

?

Because not only does the dough take eight hours to chill, the rest of it takes at least two. Three if you’re me.

Ugh.

And you are probably wondering why I have time to blog about it all…because I get to wait for an hour for it to rise before it bakes.

Hello going to bed at midnight.

I always miss my friend, Ibu Sari.

And tonight, I miss her just a little more. 😉

Sig

Filed Under: food, friends, Indonesia, just life, remembering

Late Night Coffee

February 7, 2012 by · 2 Comments

It’s been far too long since I’ve sat down with a cup of actual coffee while I write.

Tonight, at a quarter to ten, I’m gonna pour myself some and spill my heart…for at least as long as it takes me to drink it. 😉

I’ll let you know tomorrow how late it kept me up…though I’m tired enough that I’m not sure it will make too much of a difference.

Really random…but you know what I looooove? When coffee is at that just-perfect temperature and it kinda burns your throat as it goes down. Yeah, that’s awesome. 😀 (And I think I just solidified in all of your minds that I am a total dork. But, really, that’s ok. If you haven’t at least thought that by now, then you probably don’t know me well enough yet. But you’ll think it soon enough.) 😉

So I know I talk about Mae a lot on this blog…she is the majority of my life, after all. 😉 But it’s been amazing to watch her the last few weeks. Words are turning to sentences, she understands and follows directions, she’s able to tell me when she needs or wants something. It’s all kinds of crazy…and all kinds of happy. I just love her and the little person she is.

Sunday was an especially sweet day of Maelie memories. When I was singing on praise team that morning, I looked out and saw her pointing at me, saying, Mommy! Mommy! Oh, how part of me wanted to run to her and grab her and bring her back up on stage with me! After church, when I finally got to see her, I was walking around with her, and she was passing out hugs to everyone. It was the cutest thing. Then, that night, we went to watch the Super Bowl with some friends, and she was just so full of love and cutie patooty-ness. Really, that’s her every day, but I can brag on her, right?! I just love my girl!

So, barring an actual training program, I started training for my ten mile in May. That translates to hopping on the treadmill and running until I can’t anymore, or in the case of today, running until I’m out of time and have to do something else. I managed to pull a little over four miles, and I was happy with that. Now I need to work on my pace, which can’t be done with our treadmill.

I have finally separated a good treadmill from a not-so-good one…besides price. The good ones actually go faster than 10:00 pace. So I will have to wait til it warms up a little and I can run outside. But it does feel good to keep my running up through the winter. Not sure I’ve ever done that before.

And possibly the best news is that my runner’s knee doesn’t seem to be flaring up as much. I’m trying to keep my distance running to every other day and mix cardio and strength on the other days. That and ibuprofin seem to be helping a lot. Praise God.

By the way, who’s running with me? I’ve got a couple friends…I need a few more. And those of you who don’t run with me

? Should come be my cheerleaders ’cause I’m gonna need ’em!

Ok, I’ve devoted far too much of this to working out…on to new topics.

I’ve been in crazy, I-miss-Indo mode. The other day a friend who is still there told a story on facebook of driving her motorbike, hitting a bump, and her bags of groceries flew off the bike and landed in the river. And a nice, old, Indonesian grandpa-fisherman helped her get them out.

You all laugh…I smile.

And that story actually makes me MISS it.

Almost like I wish it had happened to me!

And all this missing Indo reminds me of home and all that it is. Just a year ago, we weren’t sure what home would look like for us. God was so good…and we got to stay.

We love it here. We are blessed times a million. But when I think of home, I remember that my heart will always have two earthly homes.

There is no way that Indonesia will ever leave my heart. I can rejoice all I want that my house is cockroach-free (HALLELUJAH!!!!) and that I don’t have little lizards popping out of my toaster.

That traffic is, for the most part, orderly, and I can usually get to my destination without stopping to wait for longer than a minute or two. That my grocery store has every possible food I could ever want…and the idea of getting by without brown sugar or Lucky Charms? Is no more.

And yet, the lessons I took away from Indonesia are still there. They have changed me…and are now part of who I am.

And so I guess the word home is relative…no matter if I own my house or not.

The good news? We own our house, and we’re really happy here. :)

Just a random tangent. :)

I’m thankful.

It hasn’t been an easy few weeks. Like I said, I’m learning to appreciate winter and the hidden growth that it brings. But at the same time, my heart is heavy and my eyes are puffy and red.

I’m learning that thing I mentioned yesterday. Trust.

I know He is GOOD. And I know that I can trust Him.

And when my heart aches, I can give it to Him, knowing He will hold it and heal it.

That amazes me sometimes.

No, it amazes me all the time.

Well, my coffee cup is empty, and I really should crash for the night.

Thanks for stopping by. You bless me. :)

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, church, coffee, friends, Indonesia, just life, Maelie, where I am

Remembering…

February 4, 2012 by · 2 Comments

I had fun

looking through some random pictures this afternoon while waiting for Maelie to take a nap.

Twenty minutes later: she is still fighting. Forty later…ahhh, quiet. 😉

Anyway…we just booked our hotels for our trip (finally!) and it got me thinking back to some of the crazy trips we’ve taken. So, of course, I had to look at pics!

Here are a few I thought you might enjoy. Yeah, we were younger…we definitely look it!

It’s fun to remember.

This is us at Clifton Beach in Cape Town, South Africa…and it just screams happy. It’ s one of my favorite picture

s of us ever. (I won’t tell you how many tries it took for us to get one that was Christmas card worthy.) :)

We unashamedly went to Bali six times while we lived in Indonesia. Yes, we did. (And you would have, too. Promise. ;)) This was from the trip we took at the end of our first year there. Good memories. :)

Here’s adorable us at the Grand Palace in Bangkok. It was cool…and I was sick. Like, horrendously, running-a-fever-on-Christmas-day-but-still-traipsing-throughout-90 degree-Bangkok sick. In fact, after this, I think we got Subway and went back to the hotel so I could sleep. Alas, it was a fun memory, and I had dreamed of seeing the Grand Palace for years. So cool that it happened.

I know it’s dorky, but I think this is one of the coolest pictures ever. When we were in Kuala Lumpur for our visa run several years ago, we had to see the Petronas Towers. And though we don’t look as cool at night, the towers? Most definitely do. That was fun.

I don’t have a photo of just the two of us, but there’s no way I could leave this trip out. In ’08 we took a long weekend beach trip with some of our closest friends. We crammed eight people into an eight passenger car (plus luggage!), drove six hours one way, sang every song imaginable…and we had the most amazing time. This pic tugs on my heart a little…I doubt we’ll all be together again this side of heaven. But what a memory. (And I had to laugh when I saw this, ’cause I realized that the trip was just a few weeks after I’d broken my foot…and begged our P.A. to let me go to the beach without crutches.

Thus, the taped up foot. Haha. :D)

Oh, the beach, how I love thee…even if I am not wearing makeup and got “slightly” sunburned. 😉

Such fun memories.

Here’s to many, many more…whether we’re travelin’ the globe or around the corner. :)

Thanks for letting me share.

😉

Sig

Filed Under: adventures, friends, Indonesia, remembering, Tobin, travel
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