He is Good

Sometimes it’s the little things in life that remind us how much God cares…

Like sunshine on a day that was supposed to be rainy and cloudy.

A good morning workout that left me feeling energized instead of completely exhausted.

Listening to a kids’ CD in the car with my daughter “singing” along…and realizing the truths spoken in those songs are His promises.

Lunch with a friend and a chance to catch up a little.

The ability to get through a daughter’s shots and only tear up instead of turning into a full-blown mess.

Hearing that a friend struggling to get pregnant is now over 20 weeks! (Ok, that one’s not small at all!)

Dropping another two pounds this week thanks to my pal, Jillian, and her kick-butt workouts.

And another good workout with friends tonight.

(I am really not as obsessed as I sound right now…)

A late night date with my hubby. We roasted marshmallows and spent some time together. Just us. It was nice.

Laughter.

Friends.

Love.

And today…

Going into World Market and finding sambal and Kopiko…two of the things I have missed most from Indonesia.

Kopiko, one of my favorite Indonesian candies.

Yeah, the corner is ripped.

I didn’t even make it out of the parking lot before I tore into the bag…

Sambal: Chili sauce. Or in this case, crushed chilis.

I haven’t tried it with rice yet, I just dipped my finger in the jar. But it passed the test.

:)

A small piece of one

of my homes.

He is Good.

Sig

Friend Thoughts

This is gonna be short and sweet.

Busy day = not much time for the blog. But that’s ok. ๐Ÿ˜‰

This afternoon/evening some Indonesia friends came to see us.

I’m not sure what to call them…we were friends with them IN Indo, but they are

FROM Wisconsin. You decide.

Anyway, it was fun. We had some great laughs, and I was so thankful they

had the chance to meet Mae, even if she had a pretty rough day.

(Yeah, the fever she had a couple days ago turned into roseola, which the doctor had suspected, and

she woke up with a crazy rash today. Poor girl. At least it’s almost over.

:))

Anyway, back to the fun. We just had a great time catching up, telling stories, laughing, roasting marshmallows, eating too much, and just…picking up our friendship where it left off a year ago.

We have so missed them, and it did a lot for our hearts to reconnect and make some more memories.

As wonderful as this year has been, and as much as I have enjoyed the new friends I’ve made…I’m so thankful for people in my life

who understand where I’ve been and what the Indo part of my life looks like. No matter how many stories I tell, no matter how many Indonesian foods I (attempt to) cook and share with people here, they will never fully understand that part of my life.

I know that, I’ve accepted it…and I truly enjoy those friendships for what they are.

And sometimes it’s nice that not everyone knows what life was in Indo…because we share the good stuff.

I can’ t say I was always a

t my best there. True…Oh. So. True.

Today made me incredibly thankful for the people God has placed into my life for each step of the journey. Some are part of it for just a step, others remain part of it even when our steps part ways.

So if you’re reading this (unless you’re a random stranger stopping by) you’ve probably, at some point, been one of those friends…or still are.

And I’ m thankful for you!

Just my thoughts tonight.

Sig

Teman Bertemu Lagi

David Tif Mel Tobin
 

Friends meet again.

Good day.

Sig

Taking a Break…and Being Honest

I’m going to give myself a break from The Journey tonight and go a different route.

I’ve been wanting to chat about something that’s come up recently, but I sometimes feel like a broken record.

I mean, how long can a person grieve over something?

It’s been a little over a year since I left Indonesia.

When I first left…I was sad.

I missed it, and I

missed my husband more. Those first weeks home were spent anticipating his return and the birth of our daughter…I’m not sure there was a lot of grief over Indonesia mixed in there.

Then Tobin came home…and life was focused on our little girl and getting ready to move to Illinois.

Yes, there was grief…over leaving Minnesota and friends…but not so much about the loss of Indonesia.

And then we moved…and there was a whole new kind of grief… grieving what was no more.

It’s been a year of figuring that out…but also a year of being so incredibly blessed by life as a family of THREE, by new friends, by a new community and church.

Our minds were so busy with those things that we didn’t really think much about Indonesia.

It wasn’t intentional… it just happened.

And somewhere in the last month…grief started to creep in.

There were days when I would try to push it out and ignore the pain, but it wouldn’ t go away.

I’d get on Facebook, see pictures of former students, and my heart would just ache. I’d hear about staff members and what was going on with them…and I longed to be a part it. I saw pictures of the senior banquet…students we love…and we’re not there.

I think I most accurately verbalized my feelings last week when I told Tobin, “When our students are in Indonesia, I feel like we always have the option of going back to see them again…so it’s ok if we don’t miss them too much. But now another class of incredible students is graduating…and scattering. I’m not sure we’ll ever see them again.”

That’s sad…and the reality of a transitory community.

I’ve let the tears drip this week…surprisingly, there have been a lot of them.

They come at random times but never stick around too long.

The ache is there, though…the dull, physical heartache that makes me long for the day when there will be no more goodbyes.

Just where I am today…sad.

But still thankful.

Because grief means it meant something…that it was worth loving and worth hurting over.

I don’ t long

to go back

to life in Indonesia. It was a season, a piece of our lives.

Life is here and now, and for awhile, I will take the time to grieve if those moments hit.

But I’m going to spend far more of my life looking forward and enjoying the blessings God has given me today.

I’m so, so thankful.

Sig

One Year Later

A year

ago, I left Indonesia.

I remember, so clearly, that last week…

Last get-togethers with friends, last movies, last laughs, final hugs, heartbreaking goodbyes.

I remember, even more clearly, my last day there…

Waking up early to soak in the last bits of my normal. Chatting with our pembantu, loving on my dogs, taking my time as I walked through our house, looking out the upstairs window one more time and memorizing every detail of the mountains that surrounded us. I loved those mountains.

The goodbyes. Trying to stop the constant stream of tears as I hugged our beloved house helper and friend, Ibu Sari, goodbye.

The physical heartache as we pulled out of Kota Baru for

the last time.

Two wonderful friends who gave up their Saturday to go with us to Jakarta to see me off.

One last dinner together at Chili’s…and trying (unsuccessfully) to force down some food, but being able to stomach Cold Stone.

๐Ÿ˜€ No idea why.

One last hour spent together in the Jakarta airport, snagging a semi-private corner, but not far away enough from curious stares.

There were laughs for a bit, and then the tears began to flow. At times I had to force myself to breathe.

Quick hugs to Dave and Tiff, and then Tobin walked me to customs.

Saying goodbye to him was the most awful part of that day, worse than leaving my Indonesia. My best friend, the one who had held my hand through everything, was staying, and I was going. I couldn’t stop crying. He held me as my body shook and the streams of salty tears flowed. It was all I could do to not dissolve on the floor in a puddle of hysterical sobs.

I don’t know where I found the strength…to actually leave his arms and go.

But I did…

I’m sure the customs official wondered why I just cried. I kept looking back to where Tobin was, waiting for his last glimpse of me, dreading the moment when we couldn’t see each other anymore.

It came…and so did more tears.

With wobbly legs, I made my way to Starbucks…I still had two hours until my flight left, and I couldn’t bear to wait it out at the gate. I snagged a comfy chair in a corner, curled up with my latte, and let the tears flow as I reflected on the five years I was leaving behind.

Eventually I made it to the gate and onto the flight. And I was gone.

Indonesia was gone.

Looking back, it easily ranks as one of the worst days of my life. It was a necessary day…but that didn’t make it any easier.

I still feel the heartache when I think about it. And the tears still come.

For the last week or so, my mind has been battling between focusing on Christ and thinking about my last days in Indonesia. Even though it’ s all in the pa

st, it still hurts.

I can’t believe how much I miss it.

Even more, I can’t believe it’s been a year. A whole year.

I have to admit that last week, my thoughts became so consumed with Indonesia that I had to turn things around or I was going to drive myself crazy.

So I asked myself, What has God done in a year?

And the answers to that question sent me to my knees in thanks.

He brought us through six weeks of being on opposite sides of the world.

He provided for me while I was really pregnant, emotional, and away from Tobin…friends, a car, a place to stay, people to love me.

He brought our dogs safely back to the U.S.

He gave us a car much nicer than anything we dared to hope we might be able to buy.

He gave us a beautiful daughter. (Sorry, that one deserved to be in bold. ;))

He gave us precious time with friends and family in Minnesota before we moved.

He gave us a house and neighborhood that are beyond what we could have even dreamed.

He provided amazing friends and a great church during a tough transition to a new community.

He’s slowly giving us a place to belong.

When I look back at the last year, there are things that make me cry and remember…and that’s ok. There’s a time for that.

But there’s also

a time for rejoicing and giving thanks. And we’ve got plenty to be thankful for.

God, you are Good. So, So Good.

Sig

Remembering Indo

It’s late. 10:50 late, which really isn’t late unless I have to get up at 6 a.m. Which I do.

A huge chunk of today has been spent working on my talk for tomorrow. At the beginning of the day, I thought I would just blog our “Indonesia Story” as a way to get my brain going.

An hour and a half and 1,700 words later, I wasn’t even close to finished…and I figured no one would stick around that long to read it all anyway.

๐Ÿ˜‰

I wanted to give you a peek into my Indo world tonight through an awesome slide show my husband put together.

However, God must have known that since I was remembering Indonesia today, that He should give me as many reminders as possible of this fantastic place.

(It really is wonderful, there’s not too much sarcasm there.)

His last and final reminder for me tonight was giving us slow, horrible internet… just like Indo.

:) We’ve been trying to upload the slide show for too many hours, and it’ s ju

st not happening.

Some nights are just like that…and that’s ok. I still had fun remembering Indo today.

I’ll tell you all about it over coffee tomorrow.

๐Ÿ˜‰

G’nite!

Sig

Pisang Goreng

Today I finally made some Indonesian food.

After being back in the States almost eleven months…took me long enough. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Pisang goreng (fried banana) is my favorite Indonesian food. It could be one of my favorite foods ever. In Indo, it’s usually served with brown sugar and shredded cheese, which I love. But I’ve also had it with ice cream, which I almost love as much.

Next week I’m going to talk about Indonesia at Bible study, and I thought it would be fun to make pisang goreng. I’m usually a procrastinator and don’t try out recipes ahead of time, but instead, trust the judgment of the reviews online.

I know,

I know. Not smart.

And with my lack of cooking skills, there was no way I

was going to do that this time.

They turned out really yummy. I’m going to have to make another batch tomorrow because the recipe needs to be tweaked. (I’ll tell you what I’m planning to change on the recipe below.) Check it out and give it a try.

Mmmmmm. ๐Ÿ˜€

Pisang Goreng

1 1/4 c. flour
2 T sugar (I’m going to double the sugar next time…they needed to be sweeter.

That might be because the bananas were green, though.)
1/4 T vanilla powder

(I skipped this because we didn’t have it.)
1/2 c. milk
1 egg
2 T butter, melted
1 tsp rum flavoring

(I substituted vanilla because I don’t like rum flavoring.

Ick.)
4 ripe bananas, sliced (I prefer them greener, and I only used two. I think three is about right.)
oil for fying

In a bowl, mix flour, sug

ar, and vanilla powder. Add milk, egg, butter, and rum (vanilla), and mix well. Add sliced bananas.

The original recipe says to use a deep fryer…I just fried them in shallow oil in a regular frying pan and cooked them a few minutes on each side.

Top with brown sugar and cheese, vanilla ice cream, or whatever you want.

๐Ÿ˜‰

I was missing Indo this weekend…it was kind of nice to have a little piece of it today. :)

Sig

Indo-sick

Yowsers, I’m homesick for Indonesia tonight.

It doesn’t really happen often, although sometimes I’ll see a picture and feel a little tug at my heart.

And then I’ll think of a gre

at memory from there, and the tug turns into more of a pull, which hurts a little.

Have you ever had a moment of wishing that just took your breath away

? That’s kind of what it’s like. No tears, really…just a really deep breath.

And missing it.

So I thought I’d share a happy memory from our time in Indo.

I had some pretty great students…they were each cool in their own way.

But I have to admit that the group I taught for two years (4th and 5th grades) has a special place in my heart.

One of my favorite memories of that class was early on in their 4th grade year.

We were just getting to know each other but having some fun with everything that comes with the beginning of a new school year. One of the girls was a bit of a class clown but loved by everyone, and once in awhile she’d have a hard time staying in her seat. One day during math class, I said to her, “Student, pretend your bottom is glued to your chair.”

She got a sheepish look on her face, and I turned back to the board

to finish writing the math problem.

Suddenly, my class broke into hysterical laughter.

I turn around, and here is the student, running laps around the classroom, holding her chair to her butt.

We. Laughed. SO. Hard.

True, I probably should have maintained a little more professionalism, but it was one of the funniest moments of my teaching career.

She did it to be funny, and hey, we can all use a little more laughter in our days.

True?

I smile whenever I think of that class, but I really smile when I think of her and that moment. I wish I had a picture of it or something…but it’s still etched in my mind.

And that’s enough for today.

If you’re a student from that class, and you happen to be reading my blog, I’m sending you a hug from Americ

a. (Or a fist bump if you’re a boy. ;)) I miss you all.

Sig

I Know I Lived in Indo Because…

Just a little glimpse into life…and what reverse culture shock looks like.

:)

Sig

Shaken…but Secure

The news about the earthquake, tsunamis, death, and devastation in Japan and other places…it’s all too much to take in, isn’t it?

Last night I was up too late (as usual) and caught a status update from a college friend who lives in Tokyo. He was stuck in his building while the 8.9 quake shook the city.

His status simply said, “It is really shaking.”

It brought back so many memories.

And not necessarily good ones…ones that make my stomach turn and my heart pound…again, even a year and a half later.

The day was Wednesday, September 2, 2009…a little before 3:00 in the afternoon.

I was relaxing upstairs in our bedroom with the balcony door open before I had to begin my afternoon tutoring about twenty minutes later. I remember hearing the leaves of the palm tree in our front yard swishing in the wind and being thankful for a breeze despite the hot, humid weather that came with dry season.

What happened next was something out of a movie. It was almost as if I stepped out of reality and watched myself experience it all.

I heard a loud noise and things started to shake. We’d been in smaller earthquakes before, but this one…was Big. I could see the walls shaking. I immediately ran for the doorway and stood there for a few seconds before deciding to brave the stairs to get outside. I’m pretty sure my feet didn’t hit the tile at all as I flew down them.

Things were shaking so badly that I began to envision the house falling on me.

That was the first time I felt the panic rise within me.

Then I got to the front door and realized I had bigg

er problems. The latch on the screen door had broken that day and wouldn’t open from the inside; therefore, I couldn’t get out. In fact, the only way I could get out of the house was to go find the keys (and when do I ever know where my keys are?!)ย and let myself out through the garage door. I didn’t know if I had time for that.

So I tried to punch through the screen door to reach the handle on the outside.

By this time the neighbors were starting to congregate in the street.

I started to scream.

Buka! Buka!

Open! Open!

I know they heard

the panic in my voice.

But I had two golden retrievers right next to me, just as anxious to get out of the house.

Looking back, it must have been the dogs…the reason several of them looked at me but wouldn’t come up to the front door.

Finally, a neighbor, a single guy in his 20’s, ran up and opened the door so we could get out.

Andre and Sammy sprinted to escape.

(I sometimes wonder if dogs understand far more than we give them credit for.) Thankfully they came when I called and sat down next to me in the front yard.

It had been less than a minute since the earthquake began…and then, I finally let the tears fall.

I had left my hp (cell phone) in the house, so when things stopped shaking, I ran back inside to grab it. I was able to get through to Tobin long enough to find out that everyone at school was okay.

Initial reports said the quake was around a 7.3 about 60 km south of us. So it was pretty big. The death toll I think was around 80, and while tsunami warnings were issued, nothing happened.

It was a scary time…and even after, there were many nights when I let my mind wander back to what we had experienced that day. It made me thankful that, somehow, our house had held up through the quake, even though it was lacking in quality.

There were a few more cracks in the walls…reminders.

Reminders that God was there with us that day in His All-Powerful, All-Present,

All-Knowing way.

I had been shaken…but I knew I was secure in His hand.

Though our experience was not the magnitude of what those in Japan and other countries are facing today, He still made His presence know.

He held us each in His palm.

Yesterday, Jap an was rocked with

an earthquake bigger than anything I can imagine. People are dead, injured, physically and emotionally scarred. Lives changed in an instant.

But God was still there…still All-Powerful. Still All-Present. Still All-Knowing.

As these people begin to sift through what’s left, let’ s keep them in our prayer

s. Let’s not only pray for physical healing and restoration but also that they will come to know the Father through this.

That they will feel His presence and know that He’s right there with them.

That though they have been shaken, they will feel secure in the palm of His hand.

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fearย though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling…Come, behold the works of the Lord, how he has brought desolations on the earth. He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the chariots with fire. ‘Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!’ The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.”

Psalm 46: 1-3, 8-11 (ESV)

Amen.

Sig