Searching for Importance

Today I read possibly the best blog post ever.

It made me cry, it made me think, it made me re-evaluate everything.

You should take a few minutes and read it here. (Plus, if you don’t, then you won’t have a clue what I’m talking about.

:))

****************************

At the end of January I embarked on an adventure. In the past, my adventures have taken me around the globe, pushed my limits, and stretched my emotions. And for this latest adventure, I decided I needed to spend a year blogging my life…the ups, the downs, the joys, the sorrows, the smiles, the tears…the memories.

I just passed the five month mark, and other than a couple of days of giving myself a “pass”, I have blogged my heart out on virtual paper for the world to read every day. The thing with that

? Is that you get me on the good days, the bad ones, the ugly parenting days, the ones when Maelie has been a train wreck, the ones when I’ve been one, too. You also get me when my heart is fragile, when I’m over the moon, when Tobin and I have had a huge blowup, and when I can’t figure out who I am.

And you get a lot more, too.

The problem I have with all of that…the world doesn’ t read i

t. Some people do, but not nearly enough…at least in my m

ind.

I let it bug me a lot more than I

let on.

There’s an unwritten expectation in the blogging world that is hard to define. I believe it is best said that when a “wannabe” writer like myself starts a blog, he/she dreams of having a huge audience, tons of comments, and (eventually) generating income.

Hey, we can all dream.

But that’s not reality for most of us.

When I started the blog, I had lofty dreams. (insert sarcasm…just lettin’ you know :)) I mean, I’m funny, I’m witty, I’m a great writer…or at least I think I am sometimes. Why wouldn’t anyone want to read what I have to say? Um…

Because there are a lot of people out there who have a lot to say.

And what they have to say is far more interesting than the thoughts swimming around in my head that eventually make it to the blog.

For me, my blog was a search for importance in the midst of the biggest life changes I’d ever experienced. I was trying to figure out being a mommy (still am!), trying to find a place in a community I loved (still do!) but didn’t necessarily completely belong in yet, and trying to wrestle through the emotions of leaving behind one world for another.

I wanted to be someone important, someone who could change the world, even if I wasn’t on the other side of it anymore.

I was searching for validity in all the wrong places…from friends (in-person and online) who might offer some encouragement (and comments!) to other blogs that might let me guest-write.

There’s nothing wrong with that…as long as I don’t find my fulfillment in them.

Somewhere in those five months of hashing out my convictions, dreams, disappointments, victories, and failures, I lost sight of the real point of my blog…and of my life.

To glorify my Father.

The One Who said, Hey, I’m going to give this girl a teeny bit of writing talent. I want her to use it for Me.

cialis generic levitra propecia viagra

It’s almost as if I threw it back in His face as if to say, No, I’ve got this all figured out…and I’m going to do it my way.

****************************

The author painted such a beautiful picture of following Christ in relation to blogging, and it doesn’t involve having a bunch of followers.

Growing closer to Him, that’s what I want.

Tonight I will be honest and tell you that I feel like a failure as a blogger, but more importantly, as a Christian. I’m continually thankful for the promise that His mercies are new every morning…especially today.

Because I need that promise more than ever right now.

Father, take away the need I seem to have for readers, for comments, for drama. Replace those things with a heart that wants to follow You.

Guard those thoughts that turn into words that don’t bring You glory. Squelch my unnecessary drama and teach me to wait before I spill those emotions.

speed up penis growth

Teach me to use my words to bring You glory and to be satisfied with what you give…two readers or two thousand.

Amen.