Dependence

August 22, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Sometimes I forget it’s where I should be, this place of dependence.

Because I get wrapped up in all that surrounds me.

I act as though the blessings around me aren’t fulfilling, aren’t a testimony of His mercy and grace in my life.

As if that free gift, the only thing I ever truly need, isn’t enough for me to feel complete.

Can I be honest with you, friends?

I hate the lies that I, all too often, allow Satan to feed me. What’s worse, I believe them.

When they start to overtake even a tiny corner of my mind, it’s all downhill.

His grip is powerful but not as powerful as my Father’s.

Life, lately, has seemed to be just this…allowing aspects of it to become overshadowed by untruth. Words hurt, lies creep in, and I let my heart get so wrapped up in those other things around me that it no longer belongs completely to my Father. My wholeness is found in the imperfect of this world rather than the perfect Love of Him.

Deep breath…

…because His mercies are new each and every day. He is my Rock. I won’t be shaken. He’ll lift me up and help me to stand. Give overwhelming, all-sufficient grace that is more than enough for each day.

Sometimes I think being dependent in this way is the best place to be.

Because when life is perfect, we somehow forget about the need.

But I? Most certainly need Him.

Father, keep me in the place where I never, ever forget that.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, encouragement, music, what I'm learning, where I am

I Really Love This…

August 20, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Maelie had a play date with her sweet friends this morning. (M & E are just a few weeks older than she is.) I just think this is way too adorable…SO much cuteness! :)

I can’t believe how much they’ve grown up! So fun. :)

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, friends, just life, Maelie

For Those Nights When You Just Want Oreos and Peanut Butter

August 19, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

There’s something I probably haven’t told you yet.

Yeah, I haven’t shared everything yet, apparently!

I loooooooooove Oreos with peanut butter. My preferred method is to actually dip the Oreo into the peanut butter jar and use it as a scoop. But when you live in a house with other people who also eat peanut butter from the same jar it’s more polite to scoop the peanut butter out of the jar with a spoon first. 😉

Not like it matters too much…I mean, it mostly tastes the same no matter what. Though, here’s a little family secret…Tobin and I have “his” and “hers” peanut butter. True. He likes crunchy, I like creamy.

Peanut butter should NOT crunch. But that’s a topic for another day. 😉

When I was in the hospital last week…ironically, while I was feeling insanely nauseated, also…there was a commercial for these. And even in my state of near-throwing-up, I. Wanted. Them. So. Badly.

At the time, I may or may not have been convinced that my body could defy the laws of nausea if those Oreos had been in the room at the time…but, alas. I guess we’ll never know.

On the afternoon I came home from the hospital, my hubby came home with a package of them. (Along with another sweet get-well-soon present that I may tell you about later.)

Though my digestive track and stomach, in general, were still not doing that great, I let myself have one. (Or possibly more than one…) 😉

Oh, my…SO yummy. (They also have coconut and mint flavors, which I’m sure will be equally amazing…I have to admit that the coconut sounds incredible.)

I was resting this morning and missing church :( and trying to keep my mind off of things when I realized that, in my love of all-things-Oreos-and-peanut-butter, I had not considered the fact that THESE would be awesome dipped into that peanut butter jar, too. (Well, as long as we don’t count calories…)

😉

Seriously, doesn’t that sound amazing?!?!

And, gosh, I’m reiterating my dorkiness…dedicating a whole blog post to Oreos. Sorry.

But I told myself that I needed to blog before I could try one that way. However, I’m going to have to end this little story on a temporarily sad note. It’s been a rough day, and I’m not feeling well. I know better than to eat one today…so it will have to wait, which is kind of a bummer. (But at the same time, I’m marveling at my willpower.) :)

But should you happen to have some Oreo Fudge Cremes and a jar of peanut butter in your house, you’re welcome to try it out for me.

Hopefully Monday will bring more energy, less pain, and some Oreos.

With peanut butter. :)

Sig

Filed Under: food, just life, random

Blessings for Today

August 17, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

I read a really good reminder this morning in the book, Jesus Calling.

“Accept each day just as it comes to you. Do not waste your time and energy wishing for a different set of circumstances. Instead, trust Me enough to yield to My design and purposes. Remember that nothing can separate you from My loving Presence; you are Mine.

I love it.

I love, even more, how God knows exactly what I need each day…and how He always gives it.

It doesn’t always look the same.

Sometimes His measure of mercy, from an earthly perspective, looks far bigger for one day than it does for another. On days like Wednesday, when I was fighting pain and desperately needed healing, it was more tangible.

Today is different. Yes, there is pain, but it’s more manageable and isn’t the type that I spend time crying to God, begging for healing.

He knows my needs each day and gives according to what He knows I need…not according to what I think I need.

I love that about Him.

The rest of today, and for at least the weekend, I’m going to intentionally focus on those blessings…however He chooses to give them.

Today they came in simpler forms, but were no less than blessings…a friend offering to take Maelie for the morning. A nap. Tobin being able to work half a day in the office. A shower and the energy to do my hair and makeup. A visit from a friend. A facebook note from a friend. A chocolate banana smoothie from my hubby. Friends who are bringing us dinner tonight. A chance to slow down and reflect. A smiling girl who understands mommy’s “owie” and continually reminds me that Jesus will make it better.

Tell me that I’m not one of the most blessed people on the planet.

Wishing you all a wonderful weekend! Lotsa love to you, my friends.

:)

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, friends, just life, Maelie, Tobin, what I'm learning, where I am

There’s No Place Like The Purple Couch

August 16, 2012 by · 2 Comments

I’m back. :)

So I ended up taking a two day hiatus from the blog. And that’s ok. I need to give myself permission for things like that.

Especially when abdominal surgery is involved. :)

So the gall bladder came out on Tuesday.

The surgery itself was fine…I cried a little when they took me back to the OR and made me say goodbye to Tobin. But they gave me some type of sedative that had me floating within seconds, and before I knew it we were in the Operating Room. I vaguely remember them moving me to the operating table and strapping me down, and the next thing I remember is coming out of it all and doing something totally Mel.

Yeah, when the nurse asked me what I needed, I told her I wanted a hug.

Thank God for nurses who oblige strange requests, and even better, don’t make the patient feel like a complete idiot for asking in the first place. 

She totally gave me a hug and then held my hand ’til I came to a little more.

:)

At the time I thought it was completely normal to need a hug…now I roll my eyes at myself. However I suppose it IS better than spending the entire operation talking to my surgeon about something obscure. (Which, to my knowledge, did NOT happen. Another thank You, God.)

Tuesday afternoon was full of morphine and naps and a visit from my daughter and some sweet friends who were definitely good for my heart.

But since I was still in pain, the morphine continued to be administered.

By the next morning I still couldn’t eat anything or keep more than a tiny sip of water down, and I had a headache on top of all of that.

They figured it was the morphine making me sick, and I had to wait it all out for several hours before I could have anything more for pain. Or nausea. Or my headache. I’ll spare you the details, only to say that it was a miserable 4-5 hours.

I remember lying in that bed having a conversation with God. There was a lot of pleading with Him just take the pain away. I’m so thankful that in moments of weakness like that…especially when praising Him and giving thanks to Him were the furthest things from my mind…that He still hears prayer and answers it.

He sent a few things…a text from a friend, a phone call from my pastor, a quick chat with a nurse…to help take my mind off of the pain, too.

Once they were able to give me different pain meds and they kicked in, I perked up. I actually ate jello and crackers and even half of a turkey sandwich around 11 pm. (That is SO me…again.) :) I watched part of the Tonight Show and managed to get a decent night’s sleep, which I think is what really helped.

Today was ok…less pain, though it is still there and will be for a few days. I was blessed with some pretty great nurses who were there, for the most part, all three days I was in. It was nice to be on a first-name basis. :) Though when Tobin and Maelie came to get me around 1:30 this afternoon, I was definitely ready to go.

I went straight to our purple couch and have been (mostly) resting there since. A couple friends have stopped by, and those visits were definitely spirit-lifters. Life is good.

It’s always good to look back after a few not-so-easy days to see God in the smallest details. Gallbladder surgery was nothing earth-shattering, but it was still nice to have those reminders of His love and care.

Well, it’s getting somewhat late, and I can’t wait to crash for the night.

On the couch.

Oh, there’s no place (at least for now) like the purple couch. :)

Thanks for your prayers, friends.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, encouragement, family, friends, just life, prayer, what I'm learning, where I am

Coffee?

August 13, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Mmmm…caffeine at 10 p.m.

Why, yes, I am.

Honestly, I don’t know how long it will be before I have another cup of coffee. But, let’s be honest, in Mel’s world, even a day or two seems like eons. I’m just guessing that doctors who remove gallbladders don’t really suggest that their patients drink coffee after the procedure.

Man, that stinks.

Somehow…SOMEhow…I’ll survive, I guess.

😉

So, tomorrow’s the big day, and as much as I don’t want to think about it, it’s pretty much impossible to NOT. I’ll admit to you, though, that I’m fighting the strange paradox of being potentially mortified yet slightly entertained at the strong possibility of me talking in my sleep during surgery.

When I had foot surgery in ’00 I spent the entire time talking to the doctor about skiing. He told me he was quite entertained. But I? Was completely embarrassed. And sooooo very thankful I never had to see him again. Well, after the follow-up when I got two cortisone shots in my feet to pour a little more salt into the wound.

Oy…

Does anyone else have a fear of that? I wonder if there’s a name fear of talking in your sleep during surgery?

There should be. :)

Ok, now that I’ve let that lovely thought re-enter my mind, we’ll move on.

Though I’m not sure to what…

I realize that this has zero to do with me, really, but I think it is utterly ridiculous that kids are going back to school so stinkin’ early. August 13th? (I have friends down South whose kiddos went back LAST Monday. The 6th.)

REALLY?!?!?!

Summer is winding down…it’s always a tiny bit depressing. On the up side, I have another year with my girlie before she heads off to PK…she’s growing up so fast! I’m excited for our year together, though…there will be so much more we can do…trips to the library, parks, and maybe, just maybe, she’ll learn to sit through a coffee date as well!

One can always have a bit of hope. :)

She was such a cutie today. We had a pretty busy morning with a hair appointment, a Target run, late lunch, and then a nap. (Throw in there that I went to the hospital at 6 a.m. to get my pre-op bloodwork done.) When I woke her up from her nap this afternoon, she recounted the entire day for me, telling me all kinds of details. We had the following conversation:

Me: What did we do today, Mae?

Maelie: Mommy…haircut. I love haircut. Mae-Mae needs a haircut.

Me: Maybe…not yet. :) And then what did we do?

Maelie: Shopping! At Target!

Me: What did we buy?

Maelie: Um…goldfish. (No, just Cheez-Its, but she thinks all crackers are goldfish. :)) And baby doll!

Me: And then what did we do?

Maelie: I take a nap. Mommy sing. Cover up. (blanket) Larry Boy! (Veggie Tales music)

Seriously, I think she’s brilliant. She doesn’t forget a thing…which, ahem…is not always good. But a good reminder for me that she is always, always watching. Learning. Repeating.

I feel like I blinked and my baby girl grew up.

I know that in sixteen years, I’ll be saying that again. And probably a lot more times in between, too.

I love her…the goofy, jumping-up-and-down-in-her-crib, spirited, fun-loving, a bit crazy but oh-so sweet girl that she is.

I’m so blessed.

And on another random note, I heard this song on KLove today. I loved hearing it on the radio though I found the music video slightly cheesy. However, I have never in my life seen someone look so incredibly UH-dorable while singing and playing the guitar. In clunky shoes. Maybe that’ll be me one day. Hey, I can dream. :)

Have a listen!

Hopefully I’ll be on the blog for at least a little while tomorrow, but we’ll see how things go. Thanks for your prayers, friends!

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, coffee, hair, just life, Maelie, music, where I am

Little Blessings (Pt. 46)

August 12, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

:) A super-successful, first-of-many, 5k event yesterday. YAY!

:) Snuggling with my girl while we sing songs together.

:) Friend chats with chocolate.

:) Music that lifts my soul and honors my Father.

:) Friends who will go out of their way to help me.

:) Double Stuf Oreo Cakesters. (Yeah, DON’T read the nutrition facts. Really. They won’t be a blessing anymore if you do!)

:) A hubby who will go grocery shopping so I don’t have to. He’s a keeper.

:) Words that are slowly returning. (I think.) 😉

:) Having a God Who is not limited. Ever.

:) Prayer and how powerful it is…thanks to each of you who have prayed for me. God is Good.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, just life, where I am

Rest

August 11, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

The other night Tobin commented on how quiet Maelie was when I put her to bed that night.

I told him it was usually that way. Because before I put her into her crib, we always take about ten minutes to rock, cuddle, and sing. It’s a special time of day for me with my girl, and even if she starts out those minutes wiggly and hyper and ready to run circles, she always calms down and snuggles close within a few minutes.

I’ve continued to think about that since our conversation… it really is a beautiful picture of our Father.

Sometimes life is just like that pre-cuddle-with-Maelie time…it’s full of those crazy, so-anxious-we-want-to-run-laps, emotions that threaten to swallow us completely. Feeling that it’s impossible to sit still and just Rest.

As I processed through some things this past week, there was one thing that really calmed this heart.

Taking that time to sit, be still, and spend time with my Father. Sometimes I wish He could give me a real hug, but the promises in His Word are just as good.

I’ve got a couple days coming up that are going to have moments of anxiety.

Instead of letting those feelings overtake me, I’m choosing to find rest in my Father.

He is so, so, Good.

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, just life, Maelie, what I'm learning, where I am

Hard

August 8, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

She’s asleep for the afternoon, and I sit down.

To exhale.

To contemplate.

To maybe-write.

To process, but not too much.

I don’t want to think that deeply.

If I can be honest with you, I’m less than a minute into this thing, and the tears are already streaming down my cheeks.

My head has no clue why, but my heart does.

It has been such a hard year.

Yes, in the middle of August, it’s been a hard year.

There are the typical marriage things that come up. No one’s is perfect, and mine is nowhere near. We are learning, we are growing, we are loving each other, we are trusting Him…and that’s all we can do.

It’s not bad. There are very good moments. But it’s still hard…this learning, growing, stretching, process of change that pounds and molds and chips away the bad parts of each half.

That’s how it should be.

But it’s hard.

I fight the feeling of worth. Yes, this is home. Yes, I spend my days with the most wonderful little girl.

But let’s be real for a minute…no fluff allowed.

She’s two.

And while two is exactly what she should be, it’s still hard.

It’s a daily battle of walking that fine, almost-invisible line of discipline and love, of grace and correcting. I sometimes feel like I stink at at. Especially when she looks at me, tears threatening to spill, after a time-out, and it takes everything in me to not burst into tears myself.

I suppose this is normal mommyhood.

But it’s still hard.

And being the extrovert I am, that person who thrives around social interaction, coffee, and lots of chatting and people…it’s been a lonely summer.

Part of that is me…maybe I should have called more people. But part of me wonders where exactly my place is in this community. When I think of someone as a friend, do they think the same thing?

It sounds so teenager, but it’s real. We’re women, and I think we’re all in that place from time to time.

We wonder what’s wrong with us…I wonder what’s wrong with me.

I wonder if I’ll ever feel like I belong.

That’s a hard place to be.

And if all of this wasn’t hard enough, now I get to have surgery.

I know. I know it’s not a huge deal, and it’s four little incisions and only an hour long. It’s only one night in the hospital. It’s all of those things.

And yet, it feels like God is just saying to me…How much more can you take, Mel? Huh? How much more can I dump on you?

We’re keeping it real. I KNOW that’s not how it is.

But at this very point in my life, it’s hard to feel that way.

This is hard.

And maybe hardest of all is my lack of words.

I miss writing so much.

Really writing.

Like, completely pouring out my soul, sharing all He’s doing, making you laugh (I hope!) over the hilarious happenings in our days or smile over the things that bring JOY.

Those words have escaped and been replaced by…not much.

It’s hard when something so defining seems to be so absent.

There have been whispers in these difficult moments, and though it’s hard to understand, I know He’s still near. I know He has me in this season for a purpose, and though I might not see it, I just need to keep going.

Loving on my girl.

Trying to be a good friend.

Kissing my hubby. :)

Living Love.

Taking each step, knowing He’s here..and that He’s already been here, too.

That heals a heart on the hard days when I feel alone.

Thanks for listening. :)

Sig

Filed Under: just life, what I'm learning, where I am

Full of Words

August 6, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

I am, actually.

But taking them and turning them into coherent, thought-provoking sentences?

Not as much.

I think I might be getting there, though.

In the meantime, tonight I’m letting Wordle do the blogging for me. 😉 It’s a cool site…you plug in whatever words you want, and they make a word cloud out of them…the bigger the word, the more often I used it. It’s actually slightly comical to look at some of the words that I obviously overuse. :) (Oh, and if you click on it, you can see a bigger image.)

And, to make this one, I entered my last 75 blog entries. This is basically my summer in word-cloud form.

Kinda cool. :)

Sig

Filed Under: just life, random, writing
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