I always thought I’d be a mommy to two girls.
When I envisioned our future family, I saw my daughter, Mae, walking with her hand clasped tightly to another little girl’s.
It’s a precious image I’ve had in my head for a long time, but one I was afraid to verbalize.
In 2014, after a struggle to become pregnant, we found out we were expecting, and I was sure this was it.
My two girls.
Sadly, we miscarried that sweet little one, and I pushed that image far back into the corner of my brain…and my heart.
I felt like that dream was over, and it was one I grieved for a long time.
And then…surprise of surprises…we found out this past November that we were expecting again.
And I allowed that dream to take its place in the depths of my heart again.
I was sure.
My pregnancy with this one was nearly identical to my pregnancy with Maelie, other than the fact that I was even sicker. But everyone knows…sick = girl.
Oh, I wanted her to be a girl so badly.
We’d picked out her name. Hope Kristine.
And though there were nagging thoughts of, I think this might be a boy, I tried to stay positive.
God knew the desires of my heart, and I was sure He’d give them to me.
Today I’m over at God-sized Dreams, sharing a piece of how God is doing some rewriting in my life. Will you join me here?
Thank you for sharing this. I’m a mom of five boys. About a year and a half ago we unexpectedly were expecting and I thought that maybe, just maybe this might be the little girl I’d hoped we’d one day have. Having 5 already and struggling financially, my hubby was adamant about not having anymore children so this pregnancy was truly a miracle. Sadly, I miscarried a couple months in and with that loss was the ending of my dream to have more children…and the little girl. It’s still a tender spot in my heart but I know God knows and His plans are SO much bigger than mine could ever be. He continues to bless our family and our marriage above and beyond what I could imagine and I am humbled and thankful for His grace. We let go and let God?? Again, thank you for sharing your heart and the encouragement. Congratulations and get ready for a loud house????
I finished that with an emoji 😉 … Not question marks
Thank you for sharing your joys…and your heartbreak…here, friend. I’m so sorry for your loss. It does make me smile to hear from mamas of boys, though…somehow that makes me know that it’s all going to be ok. Even if it’s going to be loud! 😉 Blessings and hugs to you.
I’ve dropped out of the blog world this past year – not reading nor writing. New season of life, I suppose. I still think of you often and enjoyed this update. Thanks for sharing your heart, always. Enjoy the new adventure of it all! ((hugs))
It’s been a quiet year for me, too…lots to process but not a lot to share. I agree…it’s a season, and I do hope I’ll be back to writing more often soon. Thanks for reading and being here, friend. So thankful for you!
Hugs back.
Hey Mel — thought you might appreciate a post I wrote a few weeks ago. Love Letters to My Children: I Never Wanted Boys
http://www.preparingthesoil.com/2016/01/28/love-letters-to-my-children-no-2/
Well, that brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing, friend.