Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo at The Gypsy Mama for Five-Minute Friday.
Join me!
The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write.
Today’s Topic: Afraid
Really? Really? Do we have to talk about fear today of all days?
Gotta admit that was the first thing I thought of when I saw the FMF topic for today.
Being the emotional worrier that I am, I very much think about the what if’s of life a little too frequently. Before I make a decision…or even get to the point where I might be ready to make a decision…a thousand of these must be considered.
This mama heart…the one that spends her days with the most wonderful little toddler girlie…has a very afraid heart when it comes to the thought of more kids. Oh, it’s been on our minds and in our hearts for a while, for those of you who have wondered.
Gotta be honest, though, and admit how scary that is for me. Babies don’t come easily for me and T. Pregnancy struggles and loss before Maelie were hard enough. I can’t imagine them after.
This fear…this time of truly being afraid…has ruled so much of where my heart is when it comes to more.
Part of me wants to never again subject myself to the pain of loss, while the other part feels a loss for the thought of never trying to have more.
I’m afraid…I am. In some ways, it’s very much like being afraid of the dark…not knowing what ‘s out there. Letting my mind wonder…and not allowing my heart to trust. And in this kind of dark, my Father whispers. I like His whispers because they’re loud and clear. Put Your trust in Me. You don’t need to be afraid.
And so…we trust. Pray for us?
When I am afraid, I put my trust in You. Psalm 56:3 (NIV)
I understand that worry and fear of the ‘what ifs’- both the ‘what if i do?’ and ‘what if i don’t?’ It’s a hard place to be. Praying for you!
Thank you so much for the prayers, Nicole, and for stopping by. Blessings!
Hi Mel! I love your post! Your honesty is attractive (I mean that in the least romantic way possible!) and makes me want to read more! I do not want you to hurt or be afraid anymore! Fear is a terrible thing. Believe you me! I had not paid much mind to 56:3 before, but I will now. It’s so simple and so direct! Thank you for writing what you wrote!
~Sara
And isn’t that so true, the degree of risk of pain is directly related to the potential depth of love… May you push through the fear and hold tightly to Him. I’m joining you in trusting His lead, knowing His plan for us will never fail!
Thank you for your sweet encouragement, Jacque.
Hi Mel
Isn’t is just a blessing how we can be sooo honest at FMF! Fear is just an feeling, just a crippling one! I have learned through practice to take my fears to Jesus again and again and again until I have common sense enough to just leave it there!
Much love
Mia
Thank you, Mia! I love the excuse to be honest at FMF, and yet, I’m terrified of it, too. (How ironic.) 😉 It’s just about trusting Him…and like you said, knowing we can leave those fears with Him. Blessings!
I know this fear too after infertility that led us to two adoptions. But I also know God’s peace that passes all understanding and I pray that covers your decisions.
And I just saw where you linked my blog on your sidebar – thanks! I’ve enjoyed reading yours as well, dreamer friend!
You’re welcome! And thanks for your encouragement today, too.
Just finished reading another blog whose subject was fear. I quote: “Do not be afraid,” appears in different forms in the Bible 366 times, one for each day of the year, including leap day. :)(Persecutionblog.com)
God did not give us a spirit of timidity. We are not helpless in the face of fear. Be bold my friend, be bold!
I guess God must be trying to make a point, huh?!
Thank you, friend. 
Thanks for the comment. (I think I accidentally deleted it…went back to reply and it was gone…whoopsie.) I get it. We were told after everything we could start trying to have kids, but nothing is ever a guarantee. It’s in these moments, the moments where we face our fears, live together, love each other, even in the face of losses…we ae most alive. Doesn’t always feel great (in fact sometimes it downright stinks) but I think by glimpsing our own morality, and living…we are doing what we can while we can. 😉 Blessings to you, Mel, and hope you have a good day. (I would have done 5 min Friday, but looked at the topic after I’d written…my post took me 40 minutes-ish to write, so it was in no way a 5 minute Friday. Ha!)
Thank you for your sweet encouragement, Lisa.
And for the song, too. WOW. I don’t think I’d ever heard it before, and it could just be one of my new favorites. 
Blessings, friend…and thank you for sharing your heart. You are a blessing to me.
Oh, and this has been a comfort this week…by one of may favorite songwriter/singers…JJ Heller.
http://youtu.be/nLnz2vo5Z40
Love your honesty. Love your courage. I took one look at the topic ‘afraid’ and didn’t even have the courage to face my fears this week and participate. But you did…you honestly gave them to God, and there is so much beauty in that. Thank you for sharing and I will be praying for you as you ‘trust’!
Oh, thank you sweet friend. You are such an encouragement to me.
And just so you know, I cried to my hubby for the hour between when I wrote the post and when I hit publish. 
Sometimes it’s scary to hit that button! Praying for you, too, friend!
I so admire your honesty, Mel. It’s scary to put these fears into words. I’ve been married for 5 years and don’t have children (yet). Having both experienced less-than-ideal childhoods and families of origin, my husband and I struggle with what often feels like an overwrought and weighty decision of when (and if!) to start a family. But I know that acting in faith sometimes requires us to face the unknown and take the leap despite our worst fears. Praying for God’s peace to cover you as you put your trust in Him.
Thank you for sharing, Erin, and for your prayers.
What you said is so true…sometimes we just have to push past those fears and go forward completely on faith. Praying God’s peace for you, too. Blessings!