Dry

I woke up insanely early this morning.

Like, before six a.m. early.

Usually I’m able to stuff my head under my pillow and get a few more zzzzzz’s. Sleeping in is not usually a problem for me if I want to. But for some reason, this morning my body was up.

And there was NO going back to sleep.

I showered, got the coffee going, and sat at the computer. I even had half a piece of Mae’s birthday cake in front of me for breakfast. 😉 But instead of doing my usual blog reading and facebook checking and general, online-catching-up, I just sat there and thought…

…about how scattered I feel.

…about how I need a priority shift.

…about how, even more, I need a heart check.

…about how God is so close and, yet, it doesn’t feel that way.

…about how He probably has so much to tell me if I’ll just stop for a minute and listen.

I’ve taken time out lately to do a lot of things…help with VBS, sing on praise teams, play with my daughter, have play dates, go to parks, spend time with friends, drink coffee, blog, plan a birthday party…a lot of things that are necessary and important to life. Really. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying the living we get to do. 😉

But WHY, in all of that, have I not carved out the time to spend with my Father?

I went upstairs and dug out my favorite, red-cover Bible. Most often now, I use my Kindle version, but there’s something healing and filling for me when I sit down with a real, tangible Bible and a pen. I read. I marked. I made notes. I wrote myself little reminders in code. Added happy faces when I came across something that made me thankful or just smile. Those are my ways to document how God is speaking and what He’s saying.

And it had been far too long since I’d spent time with my Father in this way.

I don’t share this with you to make you be all, Oooooh, Mel…she’s so wonderful.

I’m not.

Because I know what my heart has been like the past few weeks. I know the thoughts I’ve had. I know the mean things I’ve said. I’m very, very painfully aware of feelings that I may have hurt by not thinking before I spoke.

I know how much I’ve reveled in a life surrounded by others…forgetting to surround myself with my Father.

Those things…friends, church, helping, serving, coffee, play dates…can only fill a person so much. Don’t get me wrong. They’re great. But if I’m relying on them for my complete satisfaction, I’ve completely missed the point.

I recently had Psalm 63:7 stitched onto a key fob. In the past year, I’ve considered it my verse…I have a lot of them but this one has really special meaning. I almost feel like God wrote it just for ME.

For You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings I will sing for JOY. (Psalm 63:7 ESV)

I hopped over to the chapter to re-read the context surrounding it, and I was amazed that it was exactly where I am right now. David is writing from the wilderness, and he just talks about how dry he feels and how he longs to be filled in only a way that God can fill. And, not only does he long for that, he trusts that God will give what he needs.

And while he’s doing the waiting and the trusting? He’s got his hands lifted up, giving all the praise to God.

WOW…what a poignant reminder for me this morning. I hate how I let myself get to the point of utter exhaustion and emptiness before I run to Him in desperation. I want to be the kind of person who will keep my hands lifted to Him on the good days and the bad, trusting that He will give because He’s promised He will.