Chatting It Up Over Coffee

So it’s been over a week since I’ve had coffee with a friend…and I’m missing it.

Thankfully I have a coffee date planned for next week, but this week has been a little long just because we’ve been home for most of it.

Today I decided that

you, my readers, can have a coffee date with me through the good old blog. I’m drinking decaf (Still nursing…I’ll pay for it if I drink the real thing!) with caramel vanilla creamer. One of my favorites. If I make a whole pot, I usually drink it, so today I made just enough for 2-3 cups, depending on the size of the mug. 😉 And I’m drinking out of my very favorite mug…my Starbucks Bali one. (If you come have coffee with me in real life, I’ll even let you drink out of it.)

So go ahead and kick of your shoes (cuz barefoot is the way to go, ya know?) and grab some coffee for yourself. YOU are probably lucky and can have the real stuff.

The first thing we’ll talk about is Spring Break and how everyone (it seems) is going somewhere except me. I think this hits extra hard because just a year ago I was soaking up the Bali sun, drinking coffee at my favorite Starbucks in the world on Kuta Beach, and shopping at my favorite markets…all of this with a 6 1/2 month prego belly.

Oh, how life has changed.

And the thing is that, though I miss these things, I wouldn’t change the way life is now. Because it’s different…but really, really good different. Everytime I see my baby girl I am reminded that though I love adventures, being a mommy is enough. I so love my girl.

But what about you? You going anywhere? You should share your stories so I can live your adventures through you.

Time to move on and talk about the weather. Can you believe there were snowflakes yesterday? Ok, so I realize that the friends in Minnesota that I’m currently having a coffee date with are like, Really, Mel, snowFLAKES? We got 8″ yesterday! Or something like that. 😉

Eventually we’ll decide that spring is just around the corner. Well, maybe…this is the midwest. Spring will for sure be here by June.

Then we might get to the deep stuff.

But not before I refill my coffee mug…be right back. 😉

You’ll hear me talk about how, despite living here for 7ish months, I’m still feeling very unsettled. Probably a few tears fall as I talk about how much my heart aches to know that I truly belong somewhere.

I’ll probably even admit to you that I often put on a brave face and act all tough and I-can-handle-this because I think it will make people believe that I really am ok.

But I’m not.

It’s not that I’m dying or anything…just that life is mixed up right now. I’m having an identity crisis, which I’ve found happens often with someone who moves around a lot.

I know it’s just a phase and it will pass, but I admit that I don’t feel like that right now. What my heart wouldn’t give to be able to walk into church and know that I really belong there and wasn’t wrestling with some pretty deep stuff. That I’d feel comfortable picking up my phone and calling a friend without worrying that I’m bothering them or getting in the way of their plans.

I guess that’s just me…worst case scenario girl.

And eventually I’ll probably open up about how insecure I’m feeling. (As if that wasn’t totally obvious after that last little paragraph.) How I worry about everything I say and wish I could take back half of it. How I wonder if I join a conversation if it’s ok to share my thoughts. How I feel like a complete stranger in a place that doesn’t feel familiar and secure.

But I’ll end with the thought that I have so many hopes and dreams for life right now. How I’m excited that out of all the places God chose to send us that it was here. That despite feelings of insecurity and not belonging that I believe we’ll get to the point where this is home and we do belong.

We might even talk about the house, too. We got some encouraging news this week and were able to resubmit an offer.

Things look promising, and of course my ENFP, wear-my-heart-on-my-sleeve hopes are sky high. Please pray for that. We should know soon if things are going to work out.

That would be the best news ever.

Eventually we might come around to a little more non-serious chit-chat.

Like American Idol, and how I think Pia will win it all.

Or Casey. I think the talent this year is phenomenal, and it makes me wish

I could sing like that.

Oh, wait. I totally can.

Just kidding.

Cause I can’t…and pretty much never will be able to. So I’m content just strumming my guitar and belting out whatever tune is in my head that day. Today, it’s still “Blessings”, by Laura Story, and I’ll probably let you know (again) that I think it’s the best worship song I’ve ever heard.

I might even sing it for you later…no, not really. (What’s the point of singing to my computer screen anyway?)

Ok, time out…I need to go throw some laundry in the washing machine. My girl went up a size in diapers yesterday…and there was a reason we moved her up a size. (I know, I know, TMI.) Let’s just say that by the end of it, she was wearing red pants with a pink onesie because that’s ALL I had left for her. So, I’ll be back in a minute.

And when I come back from doing laundry (really) I’ll tell you about the trip I took to Target last night. I needed something for Maelie, and while I was there, realized that it is March.

Um, hello?!

EASTER CANDY!

Holy cow, it was like being let loose in a candy shop. Literally.

I practiced incredible self control and only bought Cadbury eggs (the number I purchased will not be disclosed during this conversation) and jellybeans. Oh, Easter candy, it has been too long. Is is my imagination or is my belly pooching out further already?

Stupid candy.

And then I’ll tell you that the real reason I went to Target was to get a cute little flower for Maelie’s hair when she gets her nine month pictures taken today. I can’t believe it’s already been that long.

And since I know time is ticking down and that you’ve hung on with me for well over 1,000 words, I’ll wrap things up.

But not without sharing a verse or two. Lately, I’ve loved the Psalms. They just speak so much Truth and Peace to a heart that is up and down and all around.

“I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure.”

Psalm 16: 8-9

He knows…it all. And that brings so much peace. I am so thankful for a Father who loves me and cares for me and accepts me the way I am…and most of all, understands me when I don’t understand myself.

So, if you made it through our whole coffee date, you survived over 1,200 words…which translates to…probably hours. See, honey, THIS is why when I go for coffee I don’t come back for hours. 😉

Love you all.