A Heavy Sort of Morning

It’s a heavy sort of morning.

Outside, the blanket of white beauty that fell overnight makes the world a little prettier. The tree branches bending under the weight of their icy frosting make the scene outside my window look much more like a photograph than reality.

But it’s real…and a very real reminder to my heart this morning.

A few hours ago a dear sister from a decade ago went in for surgery, the doctors hoping to correct the problem with seizures she’s been having, their frequency and severity increasing. It’s a delicate surgery, and the snow covering the world reminds me of the blanket of prayer in which she’s wrapped.

God is Good…and He will be just that regardless of the outcome. But this pastor’s wife and mama to two precious girls has so much living to do…and we all pray that she will be able to do just that. KS, you are in my heart and prayers today and in the days to come.

Another dear, lifelong friend is aching and hurting so much right now. In so many ways, she is my hero. The Proverbs 31 woman, a fantastic mommy to her wonderful and beautiful children…and the ache in her is something I can’t fix.

That kills me.

All I can do is pray. He has already wrapped her in prayer and love. She is loved…so loved. And we trust in His goodness even when we don’t see purpose.

And still another dear friend faces unknown. I ache for that unknown, for I am still learning trust. But her strength and joy encourage me, a daily reminder of the Grace in which she walks.

Today I am reminded that just as the blanket of snow outside makes everything a little prettier, so is His Love.

It makes things beautiful.

He hears prayer, He calms troubled hearts, and He proves over and

over that He is Love.

And that He is Good.

It is in that blanket that I wrap myself today.

And the one I hope you find yourself covered in, too.

Sig

The Purpose of My Bare Feet

Just a few thoughts I’ve been tossing around in my brain for a couple weeks. Enjoy. :)

So…the title of my blog is kinda funny.

I mean, I live in the Midwest.

I rarely ever go barefoot outside the house unless it’s just in the backyard, though I would almost always rather go without shoes.

It isn’t because I want you all to stare at my gorgeous feet. 😉

I just don’t love shoes…though if I have to wear them, I’m pretty particular about what I wear.

But that’s not the point.

The point? Is this.

That shoes have so much purpose.

They protect. Wearing shoes, I don’t have to worry about stepping on painful things or stubbing my toes or tearing up the bottoms of my feet. All things that inevitably happen the day I choose to not wear shoes. 😉

They make things more comfortable. If I’m going for a run or even a walk, I definitely want to wear shoes. Not only do they make me run faster, 😉 running shoes are specifically designed to absorb shock and to deal with things like sticks and little stones that are in my way…without causing me any pain. And while we’re talking about comfort, I always wear at least slippers if not shoes while I’m inside in the winter. Cause my feet are always super cold and I can’t stand it. (Says the girl who jumped around in two feet of snow barefoot last year.) 😉

They just make life prettier. Obviously I’m not worried about the pretty when it comes to my feet. But shoes cover things…and hide what’s not so beautiful to look at. And lately, I’ve been tromping around in a pair of combat boots that I heart almost to the moon and back…golly, I loooove them. Pretty or not, they are my favorite piece of footwear I’ve ever owned.

Anyway.

I live my life completely opposite of the things I just listed.

I don’t want to write about the safe, comfortable, pretty journey I’m on. Probably because it’s often none of those things.

There are stones on the path that make me hurt.

There are times when things are just plain ugly.

And while there’s a time and place to share some things but not everything…that’s why my blog is titled as it is.

It’s a place where I’m as real as I can be.

A place where I (figuratively) kick of my shoes and let you know what’s up.

That was the whole idea behind barefootmel…which I still think is pretty appropriate when it comes to me. 😉

And, while we’re talking about shoes…I’ll get to wear FLIP FLOPS in Spain in JUST TWO WEEKS!

Wowsers, really?!?!

I’ll probably even go barefoot on the beach. 😉

Aaaahhhhh….

Thanks for reading my scattered thoughts…and for being here.

Sig

Morning Thoughts

It is an extremely rare day that I blog before noon. Even rarer, before 9 a.m.

Mae is up for the morning, having her breakfast, watching her “Melmo”. (Elmo ;))

I’ve showered and am sitting down with a rather strange combination of morning goodies…my Airborne drink to (hopefully) keep on keepin’ this cold away; my oatmeal, with chocolate chips of c

ourse; and a cup of coffee. (With this amazing York Peppermint Patty creamer, since I know you’re all wondering!)

I had a good chat with a friend yesterday that provided a pretty enlightening moment for me.

See, I tend to be a burden carrier.

My heart takes the hurts and burdens of others, carries them around…and that eventually starts wearing me down as a person.

There are a lot of people in my life right now who are hurting. I want to be there for them. I ache for them. I cry for them. I lose sleep for them.

It’s the way my heart works.

Some people are easily able to give their burdens to the Father…I struggle with that. I want to but often find it hard to trust.

I processed that with her a little yesterday and left the conversation realizing that there’s a difference between letting burdens weigh me down and having compassion like Jesus did.

Last night I got a phone call from a dear friend, and she shared some heartbreaking news. I think I felt my heart break, and I could feel that I was weighing myself down once again. My mind raced, and I wondered what I could do to help…and her response was simple.

Please, just pray. It’s what we need right now.

Prayer. Giving it to God. Laying those things at His feet, knowing and trusting completely that He has it all figured out.

I am working on that…on not carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. On giving things to Him.

Still allowing myself to ache and cry…and love completely.

Because that’s compassion.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30

I love His promises, and this morning, this one is precious.

Sig

A Reminder

I love this song…and it was a good reminder to me today.

:)

Sig

More Talk

Ok, so tonight I’m completely herbal tea-in’ it. Yeah! :)

I’m really feeling ok…(knock on wood) but I don’t think the cold is going to hit beyond the I’m-tired-and-have-a-slightly-stuffed-up-head phase. We can hope, at least.

And while we’re being honest, I kinda like tea. I mean, all those fun, fruity flavors. Add a little sugar. What’s not to love? My heart still truly belongs to coffee…but I can have tea when I’m feeling under the weather. And when I’d rather not stay up ’til 3 a.m. Just sayin’. :)

I like Sundays. Really, really like them. We get to go to our church…which we love. We have some great friends there…we love them, too. 😉 I think Immanuel has been blessed with some really great pastors, and I always enjoy their sermons.

The music is the best, too. Maybe I’m biased, but I think all of those statements are still true. :)

Sundays also usually involve drive-thru and a nap.

I looooove not having to cook. (Thank you, Taco Bell…believe it or not, you CAN eat there without eating complete junk. Trust me…I’ve got it figured out. :)) The nap happened today, too, and while it was only about 45 minutes long, it was glorious.

Good thing I napped, too, because this Sunday also came with the weekly workout, which is usually on Mondays, but not this week.

I. Am. Pooped.

Running stairs and laps in the gym, doing lunges and arm raises with weights and chair jumps and burpees and more running and ab work for an hour? That’ll poop ya. (Golly, that was a funny statement. I’m leaving it anyway. ‘Cause it’s my blog and I can. ;))

The problem with the late(r) night workout is that I’ve got so much adrenaline pumping that it’s hard to wind down and actually go to bed before midnight. I’m staring at the computer, it’s just after 10:30, and I. Am. Not. Tired. At. All.

Thankfully, should my daughter choose to sleep in tomorrow, I can, too. I don’t have anything planned ’til 2:30.

That’s when I get to go to Goodwill. With a friend, which is even better. :) The funny thing is that, lately, I like Goodwill better than Maurices and Target put together.

I know, I know…who am I and what have I done with Mel?! :)

I got a blessing tonight in the form of a phone call from one of my best friends. We hadn’t talked in ages, and it was so good to catch up. :) I love random surprises that make a day just a little better. :)

And since I just hung up the phone and it’s closer to midnight than it is to 11, I should probably end this and crash for the night.

I’m actually tired. Probably because I didn’t have coffee. :)

G’nite, friends!

Sig

A Tiny Bit of Caffeine and Some Talkin’, Too

Ok, some depth.

Deep thoughts. I do those well, right? Well, sometimes… 😉

After my insanely late night last week, I know better than to sit down with a cup of actual coffee tonight. So we’re pretend-coffee-dating with a Diet Pepsi and my scattered, heart-thoughts tonight.

I just sent Tobin to Target. Actually, he went willingly, I am most positive, to have a break from the crabby girl.

And, no, we’re not talking about me. 😉 Poor Mae…her sleep has been less than enough the last few days, and even after an almost-three-hour nap, she was still quite moody tonight. And, anyway, it’s really best for all of us if Tobin goes to Target.

Because he will get what’s on the list.

I? Well, I of course will get what’s on the list. Plus, a little bit more.

For some ridiculous reason, inspiration strikes me all too frequently when I am strolling the glorious red and white aisles of Target. I have moments of creativity that make me justify spending $30 in the home decor aisle to improve that wall in my living room that never really needed to be improved in the first place.

Or, worse, I go in for shampoo and come out with all the supplies needed to throw a backyard BBQ. And it’s February. In Illinois.

See, this is why I send him to Target whenever possible.

Last night we had a fun double date with our good friends, Kris and Jonny, to celebrate Valentine’s Day. We went to Red Lobster, where I chalked up another new adventure. Hee hee. :)

Truly, it was an adventure.

We call it crab legs.

I’d never had them before…and they were really good despite the fact that it took me eons to actually crack one open. But they were worth it. :) And it was something new.

I like that.

And then we all played Hand and Foot ’til almost midnight, and that made me happy ’cause card games are my favorite. (And that was the reason I kinda blogged, but really didn’t, last night. But I hope you enjoyed the song anyway. ;))

Music has been my happy place lately. I don’t mean that it’s replaced anything…but if I’m having a day, I turn on the radio, crank up the iPod, or chord out a song on the piano. It just makes me happy to sing along…and I like to hear Maelie starting to sing, too. She’s even starting to play the piano…I use the word play very loosely…but once in awhile she’ll hit a string of notes that could be a tune. (Or maybe the I-believe-my-daughter-will-be-a-two-year-old-prodigy quality in me just thinks she hits the notes. ;))

Speaking of music…so I actually did finish that song I’ve been working on since, oh, 2008. Really, it has been that long.

Funny how projects seem to take me years longer than the average person. :) I like it. I actually think I might try to record it…not to do anything with it, but just to have it. For a memory and a reminder of the life and the change and the crazy we’ve lived…and my God who held (and still holds) it all together. Even though the words first came almost four years ago, I’ve been amazed, even in recent weeks, how they still ring true in my life today.

Something cool happened this week.

God answered a prayer for a friend…something I’d been praying about for several weeks. It just makes my heart smile to see how He works…and reminds me that when I’ve got something on my heart, the best thing I can do is tell Him about it. :)

I’ve been talking to God a lot lately…because life is hard. I carry burdens, I let my heart ache…and sometimes it just feels like a lot. I’m so glad I can tell Him all about everything I think and feel and know that He’s listening. That He loves me. That He understands.

This week could be a turning point…and I’d appreciate your prayers.

I love that I have Hope in my Father…and that I can rest in His goodness when I don’t see.

Well, I should end this 600+ word ramble…my Diet Pepsi was gone a few paragraphs ago, and I’ve moved on to herbal tea.

Yes, I realize how old that last sentence made me sound. Truth is, I’ve been fighting a cold for a week. I’m stubborn enough to put up a good fight,too, with the help of Airborne, tea, and mouthwash. (But not all at once… ;))

Hope you are all having a fantastic weekend.

Love ya bunches.

Sig

A Listen For Your Thursday

I heard this song today and loved it.

Especially the second verse.

Have a listen. :)

Sig

God Moments

I love those moments when I know that God is speaking to me. And it’s always pretty cool to see how He speaks, too.

I’ve been singing this son

g for weeks…in my head, in the shower, in the car…and probably other places, too. 😉

What’s funny about it is that I seriously haven’t heard it since I was in college, and I don’t have it on CD or iTunes. It’s just still in my head. :)

So it was a bit of a surprise, flash-back moment, but definitely a cool one, too, when I logged into Facebook tonight and saw that one of my best friends had posted the lyrics of it.

God moment?

I think so.

And as I read over them, they challenged me. Maybe they’ll challenge you, too.

I will not offer anything that costs me nothing;
I’ll place before Him nothing less than my very best.


And if I’m called to sacrifice,
It will be worthy of my Christ;
I will not offer anything that costs me nothing.

Sig

Late Night Coffee

It’s been far too long since I’ve sat down with a cup of actual coffee while I write.

Tonight, at a quarter to ten, I’m gonna pour myself some and spill my heart…for at least as long as it takes me to drink it. 😉

I’ll let you know tomorrow how late it kept me up…though I’m tired enough that I’m not sure it will make too much of a difference.

Really random…but you know what I looooove? When coffee is at that just-perfect temperature and it kinda burns your throat as it goes down. Yeah, that’s awesome. 😀 (And I think I just solidified in all of your minds that I am a total dork. But, really, that’s ok. If you haven’t at least thought that by now, then you probably don’t know me well enough yet. But you’ll think it soon enough.) 😉

So I know I talk about Mae a lot on this blog…she is the majority of my life, after all. 😉 But it’s been amazing to watch her the last few weeks. Words are turning to sentences, she understands and follows directions, she’s able to tell me when she needs or wants something. It’s all kinds of crazy…and all kinds of happy. I just love her and the little person she is.

Sunday was an especially sweet day of Maelie memories. When I was singing on praise team that morning, I looked out and saw her pointing at me, saying, Mommy! Mommy! Oh, how part of me wanted to run to her and grab her and bring her back up on stage with me! After church, when I finally got to see her, I was walking around with her, and she was passing out hugs to everyone. It was the cutest thing. Then, that night, we went to watch the Super Bowl with some friends, and she was just so full of love and cutie patooty-ness. Really, that’s her every day, but I can brag on her, right?! I just love my girl!

So, barring an actual training program, I started training for my ten mile in May. That translates to hopping on the treadmill and running until I can’t anymore, or in the case of today, running until I’m out of time and have to do something else. I managed to pull a little over four miles, and I was happy with that. Now I need to work on my pace, which can’t be done with our treadmill.

I have finally separated a good treadmill from a not-so-good one…besides price. The good ones actually go faster than 10:00 pace. So I will have to wait til it warms up a little and I can run outside. But it does feel good to keep my running up through the winter. Not sure I’ve ever done that before.

And possibly the best news is that my runner’s knee doesn’t seem to be flaring up as much. I’m trying to keep my distance running to every other day and mix cardio and strength on the other days. That and ibuprofin seem to be helping a lot. Praise God.

By the way, who’s running with me? I’ve got a couple friends…I need a few more. And those of you who don’t run with me

? Should come be my cheerleaders ’cause I’m gonna need ’em!

Ok, I’ve devoted far too much of this to working out…on to new topics.

I’ve been in crazy, I-miss-Indo mode. The other day a friend who is still there told a story on facebook of driving her motorbike, hitting a bump, and her bags of groceries flew off the bike and landed in the river. And a nice, old, Indonesian grandpa-fisherman helped her get them out.

You all laugh…I smile.

And that story actually makes me MISS it.

Almost like I wish it had happened to me!

And all this missing Indo reminds me of home and all that it is. Just a year ago, we weren’t sure what home would look like for us. God was so good…and we got to stay.

We love it here. We are blessed times a million. But when I think of home, I remember that my heart will always have two earthly homes.

There is no way that Indonesia will ever leave my heart. I can rejoice all I want that my house is cockroach-free (HALLELUJAH!!!!) and that I don’t have little lizards popping out of my toaster.

That traffic is, for the most part, orderly, and I can usually get to my destination without stopping to wait for longer than a minute or two. That my grocery store has every possible food I could ever want…and the idea of getting by without brown sugar or Lucky Charms? Is no more.

And yet, the lessons I took away from Indonesia are still there. They have changed me…and are now part of who I am.

And so I guess the word home is relative…no matter if I own my house or not.

The good news? We own our house, and we’re really happy here. :)

Just a random tangent. :)

I’m thankful.

It hasn’t been an easy few weeks. Like I said, I’m learning to appreciate winter and the hidden growth that it brings. But at the same time, my heart is heavy and my eyes are puffy and red.

I’m learning that thing I mentioned yesterday. Trust.

I know He is GOOD. And I know that I can trust Him.

And when my heart aches, I can give it to Him, knowing He will hold it and heal it.

That amazes me sometimes.

No, it amazes me all the time.

Well, my coffee cup is empty, and I really should crash for the night.

Thanks for stopping by. You bless me. :)

Sig

Trust

It’s three in the morning, and I’m still tossing.

Thankful that the couch is comfy, but clearly not enough for actual sleep. (Hubby is sick. We don’t sleep in the same bed when one of us is sick. Just sayin’. ;))

The sound of his occasional cough is the only sound that breaks the silence of the night.

And my mind wanders.

I cry for a friend who is hurting. I worry about my own struggles.

I wonder what the future might hold…and that thought scares me.

I ache for people I love and miss on the other side of the globe.

And I think about these things over and over and over while I continually turn from one side to the other, flipping my pillow every few minutes because the cold side is always the best side.

This goes on for hours, I’m sure.

At one point I fumble for my cell phone and see 3:47 flash at me.

Really?

I talk to Him about the same things I’ve been sharing for the past few hours…staring into the darkness, hoping that maybe this prayer will be the one that finally gives me some sleep.

And it is in the darkness that I hear Him say,

Trust. Trust Me, for I have already been there.

In that dark, silent room…where I’m sure the clock would read somewhere in the 4’s… I finally begin to understand.

It is in the darkness that I must learn to

Trust.

Sig