I Love Her :)

July 5, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Yesterday morning hubby headed off to Cooperstown with his dad and brother.

And left me alone.

With Maelie.

So I wasn’t really alone, but still.

My parenting-patience was already on the fringe, and I knew I needed a break. But since yesterday was July 4th, I also wanted to spend the day with Mae. I mean, she’s funny, she says cute things, she gives me constant hugs…she truly is JOY and I love her to pieces.

And we had a fabulous day together…parade with friends, a little swimming, a nap ;), fireworks with more friends. A late night for sure, but she slept in for me this morning.

But I woke up today tired. We had a full day, but I had hired a sitter for the afternoon so I could get something done (aka: buying a dress for a wedding) that is just easier withOUT an energetic two year-old who already knows how to open the doors of fitting rooms.

:)

I was feeling somewhat guilty. A sitter’s not exactly in the budget very often, if ever. But the one I hired is very, very good with Mae. And sometimes, no matter how poor you think you are, time IS money. So a friend and I hopped over to an outlet mall, and I managed to find something cute. Something I can wear multiple times. It was even really on sale.

Sorry, but it’s no secret that I really, really love a deal. :)

Part of me still felt guilty for hiring a sitter, but I have to be honest.

Sometimes it’s just worth it, and today was one of those days. Even though I was gone for four hours and go-go-going during that time, I came back with energy and excitement. (Maybe partly from the high of new clothes?!?!)

No, really…a little break was good for me. I smiled when I saw Mae, and we have had a good few hours together. There have been laughs and giggles and a phone call with Grandma, and, well…it’s been SO good.

I’m still a little tired, but I’m smiling.

My girl just puts that mongo smile on my face, and I am reminded again of how truly blessed I am to be mama to such a fantastic daughter.

And as I watch her right now, doing her little jump, the occasional spin while her poofy pigtails bop up and down…she just melts my heart.

Love. Her.

LOVE.

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, just life, Maelie, where I am

Surrender

July 2, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Today’s one of those days.

I’m gonna kick my shoes off (well, figuratively…I’m already barefoot ;)) and let myself feel and process and just be.

It’s been a long several weeks.

I don’t mean that in a bad way…there’s been a lot of good in those weeks. Like friends and church and VBS and birthday celebrations and farm trips and swimming and playing outside and just soaking up every ounce of summer as it swirls around us.

It’s one of my favorite times of year. (Though, admittedly, I don’t care much what season it is. I just kinda like life. ;))

It comes down to the fact that God has been doing some major twisting and turning in this heart…the one so open to Him yet so fully convinced that life will follow the plan it’s dreamed.

Tobin and I have both realized lately that we have no idea how to settle…and not just physically, though that is a part of it.

We drive down the roads and highways that have become so familiar and talk about how much we like it here. True. It is a good place. We are extremely aware of the permanent U.S. address we have that states Carpentersville, Illinois, and the plates on our vehicles bearing the image of Lincoln. We’ve joined a church, gotten involved, made friends. God has slowly woven this place into our hearts, the people here have become our family, and we love that.

And, yet, there’s a whisper that sometimes comes out as more a deafening cry than anything.

We’re waiting, God. What’s next?!?!

It isn’t a cry we purposely utter nor a sign of discontent at where He has placed us. The truth is that I don’t think on our own we could have found a better place to “land” after Indonesia.

It’s just that our hearts don’t know how to settle and be home, though we desperately want that.

We don’t understand the process of placing roots deep into the ground, though we desire that, not just for ourselves but for our daughter.

We don’t get what it is to stay because we are used to going. And two years in a place is about our average in our married life.

I have been praying for a long time that God would teach me what it is to slow down and be completely content with exactly what He has given. I’m not sure what I’m waiting for Him to do…He’s already given so much. Done so much.

I think what He is asking of me is surrender.

Not just each day…but each moment, each minute, each second.

And, since I’m pretty candid in this space, I’ll tell you that it scares me. Extremely.

As Christians, we (hopefully) walk around letting our lives speak for themselves about the hope we have in our Father because we’ve surrendered. And though I want that, I’m not sure I know how.

Because, for SO long, surrendering a life to Christ meant rule-following and what I term legalism.

I am so thankful we have moved past that and found grace and forgiveness…two things that dramatically changed our lives…and now we are learning that thing called surrender.

And? What it means to completely open our hands and let Him do His thing. 

His Way.

Not mine. His.

I was given a tangible glimpse into the heart of my Father this past weekend as I spent some time catching up with a friend. She has a special place in my heart for many reasons, but whenever I am with her, I leave our time together hungering to know Him better and to learn surrender. She has learned it, and is seeing some pretty awesome results from obedience and letting God work.

I am so excited for the new life she is about to begin on the other side of the world. I can’t wait to hear how He opens doors and provides and showers her with blessings.

He can do awesome things in a heart and life fully surrendered to Him.

I want that…it’s my prayer. Maybe it will become yours, too.

Just where I am tonight…thanks for being here. :)

Sig

Filed Under: barefoot, blessings, encouragement, friends, Indonesia, just life, what I'm learning, where I am

Monday Morning Coffee

June 25, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Hey, friends.

I’ve got a little time this morning, have a cup of coffee in my hands, (well, on the computer desk at the moment :)) and decided it was time to update the blog and coffee-date with you all.

I mean, it’s been a whole 48 hours since I’ve posted anything.

YIKES.

No, seriously, it’s good. Yesterday I intentionally stayed away from posting anything. I have to admit that it felt weird going to bed knowing I hadn’t written, and yet, I knew that if I could do it one day, it would be easier later. :)

It’s a strange freedom. And maybe now that I’ve forced myself to take that step, you’ll get a lot more thoughts worth reading and a lot less fluff. :)

Though this blog is about life, and sometimes life is fluffy. So I hope that on the days it is just that…well, that you’ll laugh with me and keep reading.

Maelie and I are off on an adventure to the farm this afternoon. Our sweet friend is taking us to her parents’ dairy farm a couple hours from here. We won’t be back until Wednesday, so we’ll look forward to sharing pictures of Maelie’s trip to the farm to visit the cows! :)

We’re excited. :)

Yesterday’s project (the magnetic paint/add-some-color-to-the-kitchen one)…is done. Ish.

Just, fyi…should you choose to use magnetic paint: a) stir it REALLY well; b)cover everything (and I do mean everything) you don’t want painted, including yourself…see: Mel’s hands. Hilarious; and c) plan it for a day when everyone else in the house can be outside because the fumes are NAS. TY. Golly, it was bad. (Mucho thanks to our friend who loaned us a fan to clear the place out a little.)

I like how it turned out, though the magnetic part isn’t as strong as we thought it would be, so we may end up adding two more coats and painting over it. Again.

Crazy crazy.

Why is it that home-improvement projects never quite turn out like we picture?

It makes me nervous to attack the front room, which is next on the list. OY…

Thursday is Tobin’s birthday. Sometimes it’s nice that our birthdays are all relatively close together, and other times I wish we could spread out the celebrating a little more. He doesn’t want anything, which doesn’t work so well for this girl who loves to gift-give, but I’ll figure something out. :)

And Saturday…well, I’ll talk more about this later, but we get to see a dear friend from Indonesia…we haven’t seen her for over four years. I have a feeling the tears will flow big time. Oh, Linds, I can’t wait to give you a HUGE hug! :)

Lotsa good stuff goin’ on, and that’s just June! I really love summer. :)

I should get going…some things need to get done before Mae and I head out to party it up on the farm. WOO HOO!

😀

Back soon. Happy Monday to you all!

Sig

Filed Under: adventures, friends, just life, Maelie, Tobin, where I am, writing

Diet Pepsi on the Patio

June 22, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

It’s been a long while since I’ve been able to blog from outside.

Insert sing-song voice…

Guess what?!?!

My. Mac. Is. BACK.

Stop sing-song voice, though I could sing my whole post to you. I just won’t. 😉 

I honestly feel like I’m on borrowed time with it, but after being without it for almost a year, it sure is nice to have my old friend working. Well, at least for now… 😉

So I’m chillin’ on the back patio, drinking my Diet Pepsi, watching Mae play with her new cozy coupe…and it’s a happy, late-Friday morning.

We’re heading to Janesville this afternoon/evening to see some dear Indo-friends. They’re “home” for a short six weeks, squeezing in the wedding of their daughter and sending the other daughter off to college, and then they’ll be moving to Peru. We’ll see them at the wedding, but were hoping to find another time to catch up, too…you know, when the rest of the world doesn’t want to catch up with them at the same time. Though it will be short, we’re really looking forward to it. :) Precious moments like this, no matter how long, are worth the drive.

This weekend I’m hoping to tackle the first of three summer projects I have planned. (There IS a fourth…if I have time.) The first is the smallest…painting a wall in the kitchen with magnetic paint to make up for the lack of magnetic appliances in our kitchen. :) Then I’m painting over it with green to add a little color, too. 

My July projects involve FINALLY painting the front living room…I decided on a blueish color…and organizing Maelie’s clothes and nursery. And if I get REALLY ambitious, de-cluttering the basement is on for August.

We’ll see.

We’re gonna start with buying all the paint we need at once so it will motivate me more to follow through. And I promised myself that once I do the kitchen, I can do a fun painting for it. (Truly, that DOES help motivate me. ;))

On Monday Mae and I are off for two or three days on an adventure I will tell you more about later. We’re really looking forward to it. :) Well, I am. She will love it once we get there.

And…God has kind of been telling me something.

That kind of thing where I don’t necessarily want to listen, but He’s speaking loud and clear, and it’s time for me to obey.

So, insert deep breath…

It’s time for me to quit writing every day.

Golly, did I just say that? 

I have always been intentional about not letting it interfere with time that needs to be spent on other things. However, no matter when, it’s time. 

And that time is taking away from something or someone no matter what I tell myself.

So, starting today, I’m gonna be a normal blogger.

Just fyi, we’re not discussing the word “normal” today. :) 

There might be weeks that I blog five days and weeks that I blog three.

But the honest truth is that I can’t keep this up forever, and while I love to write and share my heart, I don’t want my daughter to know me as a blogger…

I want her to know me as her mommy. 

While I know it won’t make sense to the vast majority of you, it feels like a death. This has been such a part of my daily life for a year and a half.

But it’s time…so here we go.

My Diet Pepsi is gone, and I’m gonna go spend time with my hubby and girl. :)

And…because we couldn’t get her to sit still for a picture, you get Mae in her cozy coupe. 😉

Happy weekend, friends. I’ll be back soon. :)

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, friends, Indonesia, just life, Maelie, where I am, writing

Jesus, Friend of Sinners

June 21, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

This song has been especially powerful lately…thought I’d share the lyrics with you. (And you can listen if you want. ;))

So. Much. Truth.

Jesus, Friend of Sinners
Casting Crowns

Jesus, friend of sinners, we have strayed so far away
We cut down people in your name but the sword was never ours to swing
Jesus, friend of sinners, the truth’s become so hard to see
The world is on their way to You but they’re tripping over me
Always looking around but never looking up I’m so double minded
A plank eyed saint with dirty hands and a heart divided

Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks yours

Yeah…

Jesus, friend of sinners, the one who’s writing in the sand
Made the righteous turn away and the stones fall from their hands
Help us to remember we are all the least of these
Let the memory of Your mercy bring Your people to their knees
Nobody knows what we’re for only what we’re against when we judge the wounded
What if we put down our signs crossed over the lines and loved like You did

Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Open our eyes to world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks yours

You love every lost cause; you reach for the outcast
For the leper and the lame; they’re the reason that You came
Lord I was that lost cause and I was the outcast
But you died for sinners just like me, a grateful leper at Your feet

‘Cause You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever

Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Open our eyes to world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks Yours

And I was the lost cause and I was the outcast
Yeah…
You died for sinners just like me, a grateful leper at Your feet

Wow…kinda speaks for itself. But have a listen if you’d like. :)

Sig

Filed Under: music, where I am

Tuesday 10 (A Day Late)

June 20, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

So, once in awhile I’ll participate in a link-up.

Haha…ok, so I’m a little late on this one. Everyone else? Was doin’ the Tuesday 10 on TUESDAY. Novel idea. I, however, was…I don’t know, eating cake, chatting it up with girlfriends, and completely soaking up the night of freedom that Mae gave us when she chose to fall asleep at 6 pm. (FYI, I watched old episodes of Jericho and ate…ahem…more cake. Just thought you should know.)

😉

Yes, that’s what I was doing.

Hence the reason I am linking up on WEDNESDAY.

This one seemed interesting and didn’t require me to think too hard. All this sunshine and heat is drainin’ my brain! 😉

I stumbled onto this blog through one of my regular reads…she’s got some fun stuff goin’ on, and this? Well…it’s me. It’s about me. It could be considered indulgent. And you don’t have to read it if you don’t want to. 😉

I bring you…Ten Reasons I Love Being Me.

Hee hee. This could be fun. :)

1. Being Mel. Like, actually Mel. I love that when my dear friend in Indo gave me the nickname, it stuck. It became part of my identity. I’m definitely a Mel, and I like it that way. And it has dramatically reduced the number of times I get called Melissa and Melanie instead of my actual name. (Bonus points if you know it!) :)

2. I, unashamedly, use far too many smiley faces. :) :) :) :) :)

3. I’ve managed to thrive through a lot of change.

4. I’m a really good gift-giver. 

5. I’m sometimes-brave…like swinging on vines brave. Yeah.

6. I’m mommy to Mae and wife to Tobin. They’re pretty much the best.

7. I’m a loyal friend, probably to the point of annoying some of you. Sorry about that…thanks for lovin’ me anyway! 😉 

8. I love haircuts, flip flops, purses, and coffee. (Like you didn’t know that last one.)

9. Though I definitely have a crazy side, my favorite TV shows are Little House on the Prairie and Road to Avonlea. Totally serious.

10. I heart adventures. I talk about things like wanting to go purse shopping in Turkey and do an overland safari in Kenya and no one looks at me weird ’cause they know it’s me.

Mom2MemphisandRuby

Sig

Filed Under: just life, random, where I am

Dry

June 19, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

I woke up insanely early this morning.

Like, before six a.m. early.

Usually I’m able to stuff my head under my pillow and get a few more zzzzzz’s. Sleeping in is not usually a problem for me if I want to. But for some reason, this morning my body was up.

And there was NO going back to sleep.

I showered, got the coffee going, and sat at the computer. I even had half a piece of Mae’s birthday cake in front of me for breakfast. 😉 But instead of doing my usual blog reading and facebook checking and general, online-catching-up, I just sat there and thought…

…about how scattered I feel.

…about how I need a priority shift.

…about how, even more, I need a heart check.

…about how God is so close and, yet, it doesn’t feel that way.

…about how He probably has so much to tell me if I’ll just stop for a minute and listen.

I’ve taken time out lately to do a lot of things…help with VBS, sing on praise teams, play with my daughter, have play dates, go to parks, spend time with friends, drink coffee, blog, plan a birthday party…a lot of things that are necessary and important to life. Really. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying the living we get to do. 😉

But WHY, in all of that, have I not carved out the time to spend with my Father?

I went upstairs and dug out my favorite, red-cover Bible. Most often now, I use my Kindle version, but there’s something healing and filling for me when I sit down with a real, tangible Bible and a pen. I read. I marked. I made notes. I wrote myself little reminders in code. Added happy faces when I came across something that made me thankful or just smile. :) Those are my ways to document how God is speaking and what He’s saying.

And it had been far too long since I’d spent time with my Father in this way.

I don’t share this with you to make you be all, Oooooh, Mel…she’s so wonderful.

I’m not.

Because I know what my heart has been like the past few weeks. I know the thoughts I’ve had. I know the mean things I’ve said. I’m very, very painfully aware of feelings that I may have hurt by not thinking before I spoke.

I know how much I’ve reveled in a life surrounded by others…forgetting to surround myself with my Father.

Those things…friends, church, helping, serving, coffee, play dates…can only fill a person so much. Don’t get me wrong. They’re great. But if I’m relying on them for my complete satisfaction, I’ve completely missed the point.

I recently had Psalm 63:7 stitched onto a key fob. In the past year, I’ve considered it my verse…I have a lot of them :) but this one has really special meaning. I almost feel like God wrote it just for ME.

For You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings I will sing for JOY. (Psalm 63:7 ESV)

I hopped over to the chapter to re-read the context surrounding it, and I was amazed that it was exactly where I am right now. David is writing from the wilderness, and he just talks about how dry he feels and how he longs to be filled in only a way that God can fill. And, not only does he long for that, he trusts that God will give what he needs.

And while he’s doing the waiting and the trusting? He’s got his hands lifted up, giving all the praise to God.

WOW…what a poignant reminder for me this morning. I hate how I let myself get to the point of utter exhaustion and emptiness before I run to Him in desperation. I want to be the kind of person who will keep my hands lifted to Him on the good days and the bad, trusting that He will give because He’s promised He will.

Sig

Filed Under: encouragement, just life, music, what I'm learning, where I am

How Do You Choose???

June 16, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Today, I went to this website.

Definitely not the first time I’ve been to that site, but the first time I’ve gone with the intention of finding a child to sponsor.

One of the missionaries we currently support is no longer on the field; in talking where we wanted that money to go, we decided that sponsoring a child through Compassion International was a good choice.

When I pulled up the website today, the child on the front page, waiting for a sponsor?

Was from Indonesia.

I had figured we would probably choose one from Indo, but seeing her huge, so-familiar, brown eyes staring back at me was almost too much. My heart melted, and I was sure she was the one. But by the time Tobin had gotten home from the store and we could talk a little more, she had already been sponsored.

Which is a very good thing, even if I was a little bummed. :)

So…I had the site do a search for all the kids in Indonesia waiting for a sponsor.

Big mistake.Huge.

Eighty-two. EIGHTY-TWO! 

How do you even choose between them?

I looked at ages, at names, at birthdays…and narrowed it down to two. I prayed, and I really can’t decide between them. My heart hurts…

So I’m going to pray it through tonight and wait til tomorrow. I’m hoping one of them will be taken so the decision will be easy. :)

So I know I have blog readers, whether or not you guys comment or not. :) If you’ve ever wanted to bless the life of a child who truly needs it, here’s your chance.

No pressure.

Just an opportunity. :)

Sig

Filed Under: adoption, blessings, Indonesia, just life, where I am

Still (Part 2)

June 13, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

So last night I shared a song. :)

Tonight I’ll talk a little more and attempt to tie together my very scattered thoughts. :)

I’ve known for a long time that we’re blessed. Though Tobin and I don’t have a lot of extra money, whenever I take the time to sit down and look around me, I know we’ve been given so much.

I see it everywhere.

And I’m not talking about material possessions.

We moved to Illinois with a teeny-tiny, baby girl on a hot, July day in 2010. I remember that day, as we sat on the front porch waiting for our realtor to arrive with a key, how completely unsure I was of the life that swirled around me. I was scared of what it might take to find friends, worried about being accepted into a community.

I specifically remember, that day, being so fidgety and nervous to the point of feeling like I needed to sprint a few laps around our new house. (I didn’t, though, because who runs laps six weeks after a C-section? ;)) No, I just needed to move and shake out some of the uncertainty that plagued me.

Because I truly wondered what kind of chapter God was writing for us.

Most of you know the story…in almost-two years, we’ve seen just about every emotion multiple times. There have been some pretty high mountains and some pretty low valleys. Many amazing blessings and a few I didn’t view as such. Times when we anticipated the future with excitement and other moments when we had no idea how to move forward.

And, yet, when I think of these words…

Hide me now, under Your wings. Cover me within Your mighty hand…
When the oceans rise and thunders roar, I will soar with You above the storm.
Father, you are King over the flood, and I will be still and know You are God.

Perhaps being still…those lessons in silence and waiting and wondering and praying, those things which all lead to TRUST…is what He had for me in these years.

And? What He is still teaching me through situations that don’t go as I expect. Perhaps, that JOY is given regardless of circumstances if I’m willing to surrender to His will.

This past Monday afternoon, we were hanging around church after VBS had ended. I stood there chatting with a friend and was amazed…COMPLETELY…by the number of people surrounding my daughter. Hugging her, talking to her, playing with her, chasing her up and down the aisles, (…ahem) showering love on her.

:)

On that July afternoon, as I fed Maelie her bottle and let my tears drip down onto her onesie, I never even dreamed we’d be given something so precious.

A community of believers who have become family.

As I processed that thought and continued to watch people love my girl, my heart felt like it was going to burst from complete JOY.

And when I stop to think about those moments of unknown two summers ago, I am reminded that there will be more. And, just as He has given so many blessings, there’s no reason for me to think that He won’t continue doing just that if I keep walking with Him.

Praying.

Trusting.

And taking time to be still and know that He is God.

He’s SO Good.

And I pray that He will remind me of that every day of my life.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, church, encouragement, family, friends, just life, remembering, what I'm learning, where I am

Still (Part 1)

June 12, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

I’m gonna do something a bit different tonight.

I’ve had several nights of deep(er) writing, and though I have lots of thoughts for tonight, I’m going to break them up a little and finish tomorrow.

For tonight, I’m going to share a song. I was singing it to myself earlier today, and then I remembered it was one of the songs we sang our first Sunday visiting what would become our church.

As I thought about the words to it, it took on a deeper meaning and puts into words so well the story of my life the last two years. And I love it that, in a way, this song was the beginning of a wonderful chapter in our lives. :)

So here it is…and I’ll be back tomorrow.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, church, encouragement, family, just life, music, what I'm learning, where I am
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