My God-Sized Dream: Mending

February 19, 2013 by · 10 Comments

The most dangerous word for a God-sized dream is “someday.” How can you start implementing your God-sized dream {even in a small way} right where you are?

I wrestled with this question for several days.

And then, the other night, I cried to my husband.

The tears came after we’d had a little spat…the kind that should have normally never even been an issue. The kind that really wasn’t an issue…it was just a buildup of too many feelings…that were released because I forgot to rinse out the blender after I made my protein shake. 😉 (Can anyone relate here?!)

And in expressing those extremely worked-up, tear-streaked, emotions, I started talking to him. Really talking.

About how my past still hurts and haunts me.

About how, each time I return to my hometown for a visit, which I did last week, I leave feeling more battered and scarred.

About how I need to quit letting the past define the woman God wants me to be. Because, in some ways, it’s keeping me from becoming her.

The truth is that if I let who I was be who I am now…I will never move on. Yes, I grew up feeling as if I never had a place to belong. Yes, my parents divorced when I was sixteen, causing emotional heartbreak that only God has been able to even begin to heal.

And while the past might hurt, it is never wrong to keep moving forward, talking about it when it’s necessary, because sometimes it is, and choosing to learn and grow from the pain instead of sitting and letting it continue to wound me.

When I think of Indonesia, it seems most natural to write about the good…the things that brightly painted my days and filled my heart to the point of overflow.

But if my goal is to be honest and real, then I have to face some ugly moments…the times when God chipped at me and dragged led me, sometimes kicking and screaming, through places I didn’t want to go. Because He wanted to bring Himself the glory, as it should have always been.

Writing this book has been a lesson in dealing with the past.

Yes, revisiting things that make my heart sing with complete JOY because of what He did and how He moved in such an imperfect life.

But it also means opening up those places I would rather leave locked behind a heavy, unmovable door…the places He still did some amazing things, but the places where my flaws and inadequacies were put on display for all to see.

So what I can I do now?

The writing part isn’t hard.

What I have to do now is be willing to go to those places. And while they may hurt, I need to trust and KNOW that no pain is ever wasted…and that His healing will be even greater, far surpassing what I can even imagine.

It is a complete God-thing, too, that I came across an (in)courage community that seems to be a perfect fit for this season. One of my dear God-Sized Dream Team sisters is helping lead a study on this book…and while I’m finding myself a bit guarded right now, I really am looking forward to what God will show me.

I am choosing to believe, with everything in me, that God can and will mend a heart that is still cracked, one that still sometimes-hurts, one that has never been able to fully let go of the past.

My prayer is that He will give me the grace and strength to do just that…because I really can’t wait to watch what He will do.

Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23

Every Tuesday we’re linking up here! Click the button below to read how God is molding and shaping the lives of some amazing women who are choosing to dream BIG while following Him in obedience. We’d love for you to join us!

God-Sized Dreams

Sig

Filed Under: (in)courage, blessings, encouragement, God-Sized Dreams, Indonesia, just life, reading, remembering, what I'm learning, where I am, writing

Five-Minute Friday: Beloved

February 15, 2013 by · 12 Comments

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo at The Gypsy Mama for Five-Minute Friday.

Join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write.

Today’s Topic: Beloved

Hello, urge to run away from the computer.

Gotta be honest that when I saw the topic for today, I almost didn’t write. (Like a hundred times almost.)

The word beloved is that kind of word…that kind of Truth that makes me feel so incredible, inexplicably blessed…and at the same time so overwhelmed and unworthy.

He calls me His beloved.

In that statement, my Father reiterates, again, His unconditional, unfailing, total love for me…Mel, this girl who can throw out a hundred flaws about herself.

It overwhelms me…how do I possibly return this kind of perfect love? The answer is simple.

I’m not capable of it.

But through Him, and only through Him, I can walk in obedience, praise Him with every breath, allow myself to be lavished in His grace and showered in His love…and try to show that love back to Him and pass it on to others.

It’s really about Grace…about that full acceptance of something so amazing, so wonderful, so completely perfect that we will never fully understand it.

But we don’t need to…we’re His beloved. And when we accept that, it’s all we’ll ever need.

Five Minute Friday

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, encouragement, Five Minute Friday, where I am

How Quiet It Is…

February 14, 2013 by · 2 Comments

It’s a quiet night.

Really quiet.

I’m sitting in our family room, snuggled under my favorite blanket, pounding on the laptop keys…and the only sound I’m hearing is the keys.

I am such a noise girl. I thrive best when surrounded by it; I often intentionally create it; heck, I even sleep better when there’s some. :)

And most nights when there’s writing happening, that writing coexists with noise, and we’re not talking about the toddler kind. I can’t tell you how often I’ll flip on the TV or put a in a DVD just to fill what I term as empty space. I am always convinced that this helps me be more productive.

But guess what?

In thinking about what to give up for Lent, I landed on two options. Coffee. Or TV.

I  could have chosen coffee, but if we’re being real, I am a much more pleasant person to be around when I’ve had my six cups of coffee. (Kidding. That was a joke…I promise.) I was truly thinking of others…and maybe a teeny-tiny bit about my love for this beverage. 😉

Maybe it sounds like a cop-out, but I chose TV. (And my hubby is enthusiastically(?) going along for the ride with me.) We do have one amendment to it…we’re allowed to watch movies on weekend nights.

We began the non-watching yesterday, and I barely noticed it. (By the way, Maelie is not participating. It isn’t as if my daughter watches hours a day, but with a non-napping sweetheart of a two year-old, mama needs a bit of down time.)

However, last night I went to work out, and immediately realized I couldn’t flip Netflix on and find something to occupy my brain while I crunched and planked and burpeed (that word just seems wrong) and squatted (even more wrong). 😉 I had to settle for some music instead.

You know what? It wasn’t bad. And I might argue that singing along burns a few extra calories. 😉

But here I sit, tonight, heading to the rough draft for an hour or so after this, and I’m more-than-well aware that the familiar sounds of Little House will not be the soundtrack to my writing moments for quite awhile.

It’s a new kind of focus, a reminder that sometimes He just asks me to be Still.

To throw away the noise and rest in Him…in His goodness, in His grace, in His love.

Thank you, God, for quiet…for still. Please teach me to thrive in it.

Sig

Filed Under: church, encouragement, just life, what I'm learning, where I am, writing

My God-Sized Dream: Less…

February 12, 2013 by · 20 Comments

Hi, my name is Mel.

And I write. Like, a lot.

I pour out my feelings in this space not-quite-but-mostly every day, and my huge dream is to finish writing and publish a book of my Indo-stories.

I’m also mommy to the most amazingly wonderful and talkative little girl. (Think as chatty as her mama. ;))

So, in essence, there are an extra-lot of words all over my days. :)

When Holley shared with us what she’d like us to think about and apply this week, I almost laughed at my initial response.

In fact, most likely I did. (Laugh at myself, not my sweet friend. ;))

Choose what you will decrease in your life so that your God-sized dream can increase.

Friends, I almost think you might laugh, too.

Because, though the dream of writing a book is inching closer and closer to reality, what I chose to decrease?

Writing.

I know it sounds like an almost-too-easy answer.

But it makes sense to me…and maybe some of you can relate, too.

I am first and foremost a follower of my Father. Then comes wife, mommy, friend. All things that will remain, no matter where life takes me, priorities.

And after that, a mix of writer-runner-creator-singer/musician…things that fuel my passion for life.

But mixed up in the writing hat is the fact that I not only am somewhat-furiously writing a book, I’m also trying to blog 5-6 times a week.

Writing is how I process the extraordinary and the everyday…whether or not I have anything important to say. (I rhymed…love. That quote totally belongs on Pinterest.) :)

But last week I had a moment.

On Wednesday, I hit a social-media-overload wall fueled by too much blog reading and commenting, and too many status updates, tweets, and dessert-pins. Can’t blame a girl for loving dessert, though. 😉

I actually buried my head in my hands and then closed my laptop for several hours and just sat on the floor and played with my daughter, forbidding myself from opening that computer. And as Mae and I put puzzles together and rolled out play-doh, took her princesses on a field trip to the Little People farm, and giggled at life in general…I thought

about how I’ve got to find some kind of balance with writing…to write with purpose and not because I feel like I have to.

I started by somewhat-unplugging for the weekend. (No blogging or commenting Saturday and Sunday and keeping other forms of social media to a minimum.) It helped that we were out of town, but it was a good time to consider direction.

I love this space and plan to continue here. But I also need to learn to give myself permission to miss a day or two (or four) in a row without feeling as though I’ve failed somehow. My new goal is no more than five days a week but at least three. (And if I don’t do three…extending lots of grace to myself. ;))

I also need more focused, spaced-out, intentional book-writing time. (I can’t write with the same intensity and productivity on consecutive days.) I typically take Wednesday nights from 6-10 for that, but guess what? Ash Wednesday is tomorrow. So I’ll need to find another time during Lent where I can sit, uninterrupted, and just let the words spill. My goal is to find two of those times each week…spaced out enough that I don’t feel like I’m forcing the words. (And if one or both of those don’t happen in a week…more grace.)

It’s not a race…it’s obedience. He’s got the timing figured out already…I just need to daily walk out what He’s called me to do.

To read more amazing things God is teaching a group of dreamers, click on the link below. We’re linking up every Tuesday and would love to have you join us!

God-Sized Dreams

Sig

Filed Under: barefoot, being mommy, blessings, encouragement, family, friends, God-Sized Dreams, Indonesia, just life, Maelie, what I'm learning, where I am, writing

Little Blessings (Pt. 61)

February 11, 2013 by · 2 Comments

:) Catching up with some of my favorite friends.

:) Kidless trips to Target, the kind where you wander aisles aimlessly and buy $3 hats. 😉

:) Cookie dough and late-night chats.

:) The movie, Tangled. And the fact that, somehow, God has blessed me with the incredible ability to tolerate it multiple times in a row.

:) Road trips and extra time for just me and my girl.

:) Pinterest recipes. Tried a yummy one tonight.

:) Goodbyes that make me sad…I am blessed to love people enough to hurt when we part.

:) Salvation Army shopping and cheap, cute sweaters.

:) Laughter that reminds me of the precious gift of friends.

:) Watching God teach me some difficult things. (More on that tomorrow!)

Will be headed home to Illinois tomorrow with my girlie…please pray we have a safe trip. Thanks! :) 

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, friends, just life, Maelie, travel, where I am

Five-Minute Friday: Bare

February 8, 2013 by · 8 Comments

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo at The Gypsy Mama for Five-Minute Friday.

Join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write.

Today’s Topic: Bare

It’s an early and cold winter morning, and the first thing I do is wiggle my bare feet into my slippers.

Being a tropical-at-heart girl, I’m not so much into being cold, and those slippers, strangely, make my entire body feel about a hundred degrees warmer. Even though they’re only covering my feet.

I remember the blizzard we got two years ago, and how I couldn’t wait to jump around in the almost-two-feet of snow that fell. At one point, I got this crazy idea to take my boots and socks off and run around barefoot in the snow.

It was cold…like, I’m not sure I’ve ever been that cold. And, honestly, I had a hard time warming up for the rest of the day.

When we walk around with bare feet, our senses are heightened. We notice those things we may have missed with shoes or slippers or even a pair of socks.

That lovely, little dribble-puddle of apple juice my daughter has left on the floor.

The sticky peanut butter that somehow escaped from her sandwich and made it’s way to the bottom of my foot.

That tiny little rock on the sidewalk that, had I even been wearing flip flops, I never would have noticed.

And sometimes? What we’ve experienced while we’re barefoot affects us longer than foot-stickiness or a moment of pain.

I named my blog what it is for a reason.

While slippers are awesome…especially in the frigid-to-me, Chicago-burb winters…I never want to get too comfortable with those foot-coverings.

God tells us in Scripture that we should rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.

Basically, I feel like He’s telling me I should feel…as much as possible.

Go barefoot. :)

Even if my feet end up freezing while I’m doing it. 😉

Five Minute Friday

Sig

Filed Under: adventures, barefoot, Five Minute Friday, just life, remembering, where I am

Unplugging

February 7, 2013 by · Leave a Comment

Hey, friends!

Pardon the short and sweet post tonight.

We had a busy day, lotsa snow, and I worked my muscles a little (or a lot!) by shoveling. Don’t laugh at me…I kinda love to shovel. :)

Though I’m gonna be feelin’ it tomorrow!

Maelie and I are heading to Iowa in the morning, and…miracle of miracles…I am actually mostly done packing for us. (And, most likely, we will wait until later morning or early afternoon to leave…depending on the roads and weather.)

I’m also going to be “unplugging” for the weekend.

I use that term very loosely…I may, in fact, still write my Five-Minute Friday, but for the actual weekend, I’ll be taking a break to clear my head and spend some time with family and friends…I’m especially looking forward to seeing my two best friends…I don’t see them often enough.

But I’ll be back on Monday…AND on Tuesday to tell you about some things God has been showing me when it comes to dreaming. Things that, even a few days ago, I’d been blind to. Things that I think He’s going to use, and I’m excited. 😀 Are you curious yet?

You should be. 😉 

Really looking forward to sharing more with you all. And if I’m not here tomorrow, happy weekend! Thanks for being here, friends. :)

Sig

Filed Under: family, friends, God-Sized Dreams, just life, where I am, writing

My God-Sized Dream: Mean Girls

February 5, 2013 by · 24 Comments

It’s Tuesday…Dreaming Day.

Actually, every day is full of dreams for me ;), but today…grab a cup of coffee and let’s have a chat.

Last week, my friend Holley asked the ladies on the God-Sized Dream Team to do something really scary. Like, so scary, I still cringe.

She asked us to post a photo of ourselves during an awkward phase.

Oh, there were sweaty, shaky hands and almost-puke-inducing butterflies as I selected this photo, checked fifty times to make sure I was only posting it to the private Dream Team facebook page, and then hit the share button.

Awkward, almost-12-year-old Mel.

It’s not as if I think I was the ugliest person on the planet…though that perm…really?! Why did we ever think that was a remotely acceptable style? 😉

But that picture reminds me of things. People. Words…often unkind ones. Memories I can’t shake of a heart-bleeding time in my life.

Those have left deep wounds that are still not fully healed.

I was awkward, somewhat of an outcast…always questioning belonging and relationship. Not the happiest place for a preteen to be. And, sadly, it never really got better until I moved on from that little Iowa town.

There were just some mean girls…I didn’t understand them then and I don’t understand them now. And I really don’t want to go there today…we all know about mean girls.

But when I saw today’s writing topic,

What’s one fear you’ve faced when it comes to your God-sized dream? And what’s the truth that’s bigger than that fear?

Oh, I tried. Believe me, friends, I tried…to find one fear that was bigger, one that scared me more, yet I could somehow bear to face a little easier in this vulnerable, online place of heart-spilling.

But I just couldn’t.

Because, more than anything, I am afraid of mean girls.

I fear what I feared in middle school…in a different, yet strangely similar, way.

I fear that the things I write from my heart that mean so much to me will be ridiculed and made fun of, purposely stomped on and torn apart. I fear that the dream God has placed in my heart will shatter to bits under the weight of these things.

Oh, how these thoughts and emotions could potentially destroy me if I let them. And I can’t let them.

I know that these fears and insecurities I have in me won’t just disappear overnight. That’s not the way we learn trust and acceptance and identity.

But what I know? Is that my God is bigger than them.

Way bigger.

And in facing this fear of rejection, I simply need to rely on His promises to me and trust them as Truth…because they are.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.
2 Timothy 1:7

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.
Isaiah 26:3

For you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.
Psalm 63:7-8

There are probably a thousand other verses I could share…My Father is truly the One Who can heal and overcome, build us back up when we’ve been torn down…and remind us of where true belonging and identity are found.

Perhaps the experiences I’ve had have also reminded me of grace and the choice I have to extend it each day to those around me. I don’t always know what they face; I don’t know what goes on in their hearts. But I can choose to love and accept, to be kind and embrace others as who God has created them to be.

And if you’d like to read some amazing stories of how God is at work in making big dreams happen for some amazing women, click on the button below. We’re linking up every Tuesday and would love for you to join us!

God-Sized Dreams

Sig

Filed Under: barefoot, blessings, encouragement, God-Sized Dreams, just life, remembering, what I'm learning, where I am, writing

Monday Scatter

February 4, 2013 by · 2 Comments

Do you ever have those scatterbrained days?

I started off with a plan for this glorious day called Monday. I really did.

It is so against my personality type to make a to-do list, but I actually scribble one out every Monday (on crazy paper that’s about nine different colors ;)) and add to it as the week goes on. This morning I was actually pretty motivated, but I had such a hard time focusing.

While Maelie ate her breakfast, I was planning to send out an e-mail to my Bible study. (That didn’t happen until much later.)

Then, while she was painting or doing puzzles, I was going to have some quiet(er) time…catching up on a study I’m doing and reading some Psalms. Instead, I felt guilty that I hadn’t shoveled yet and the poor mailman (or woman) would have to tromp through four-ish inches of fluffy snow…and so I took Maelie outside to “play” at 8:30 a.m. :) She had fun in the snow and “helped” me shovel, which only made everything take longer, but it’s about the memories, right? And those were most definitely made. 😉

This afternoon was more of the same. I went to clean the kitchen and got sidetracked by a basket of laundry that needed folding. I pulled out the vacuum, and it sat in the living room for two hours before I actually used it.

Just call me incredibly scattered today. Oy…

Even tonight…I sat down to finally write after my usual, Monday night workout, and I got distracted by this site. Oh, don’t misunderstand me…I think it’s fantastic to use your smarts to donate rice to help feed the hungry. And…it was a good reason to brush up on my world geography. 😉

But, still…did I actually do what I intended? Um, nope…well, not til at least 10:30 p.m.

I guess some days are just like that…all over the place.

I’ve been doing a bit of reflecting on Friday’s post.

I couldn’t believe how hard it was to publish that.

Ever the non-rule-follower, I actually do follow the rules for Five-Minute Friday, and after my five minutes of writing were done, I saved the draft, plopped on the couch next to my hubby…and cried. I could have not pushed the publish button, I guess…I was caught in this strange place of wanting to know how honest I should/could/wanted to be.

Not everything needs to be shared, ya know? And I wasn’t sure I wanted to share all of that. I don’t feel I owe any of my readers an explanation for my obvious openness…it’s certainly not the first time I’ve bared my soul. 😉 But it was a hard post to put out into the blogosphere.

The funny thing? Was that I felt free after I published it. Almost as if God said, Ok, Mel…you know what you need to do, so just do it. Trust Me. Actually, pretty sure He did…and has been saying it for awhile. :)

And that makes me smile. It’s a good place to land after a scattered day. Here’s hoping for a little more focus tomorrow. :)

Sig

Filed Under: barefoot, being mommy, blessings, encouragement, Five Minute Friday, just life, Maelie, random, where I am

Currently…

February 3, 2013 by · 3 Comments

Been awhile since I’ve done this one. And it’s a good way to wind down on a Sunday night. :)

Current Reads: Just finished Unglued (Lysa Teurkeurst)…we read that one for Mom’s Bible Study. It was so, so good…I recommend it to just about anyone. Just about finished with A Year of Biblical Womanhood (Rachel Held Evans) which has been a fun and challenging read. Also almost finished with The Do-What-You-Can Plan (Holley Gerth) and so excited to dive into her new book, You’re Made for a God-Sized Dream! (Planning to start it tomorrow!)

Current Playlist: I actually just made a new favorites/running playlist a few days ago. Even splurged and bought a few new favorite songs on iTunes. This one is definitely toward the top of the list…I even hold my own little karaoke session in the car whenever it’s on. :)

Current Shame-Inducing Guilty Pleasure: These. Found on Pinterest, of course. 😉 I decided that even if we didn’t have plans for the Super Bowl, we could still eat something yummy. Oh, my.

Current Colors: Gray and mustard yellow, green, cream, black. Lovin’ a lot of colors right now.

Current Fetish: Leg warmers and tall boots…two things I love about being cold and am desperately trying to wear as often as possible. :)

Current Food: See above. Though we went out for some pretty amazing buffalo chicken pizza here last night. Gotta be a winner when you combine two of my favorites.

Current Drink: Water. Though thinking about making some coffee. Yes, I’m boring. 😉

Current Wishlist: Nothing, really. I’m boring? A new laptop, but that will have to wait. Still got a few miles left in this new-to-me one. 😉

Current Needs: Peace…and more trust in my Father through some uncertainties that seem to be looming on the horizon. He is Good.

Current Triumph: A pretty fantastic week (minus a few isolated incidents) with my daughter. Less and less temper tantrums, less and less mama-frustration…lots more happy memories and bonding moments. She is my sunshine. :)

Current Bane-of-my-Existence: Rude drivers who don’t obey merge signs. (Not that I’ve had a recent experience with that or anything. ;))

Current Celebrity Crush: Well, there’s this pretty cool guy. And he’s married to a girl who could maybe be a published author in the near future. And that would make him a celebrity, right? Yeah, I’ve got a crush on him. 😉

Current Indulgence: Too much coffee. I blame it on the creamer…always the creamer. And that sinful, buttery dessert I may have mentioned a few times already.

Current Mood: Subdued with a bit of guilt. I should be trying to add a chapter or two to the rough draft tonight. (Though there is definitely still time since I don’t really care about the game. ;))

Current #1 Blessing: One? Really? My little family. My sweet friends. My Father and His love for me.

Current Slang or Saying: Oy; Oh, goodness; Really?!

Current Outfit: Hoodie, jeans, and my favorite slipper boots.

Current Link: I always hate this one. I’ve got a bunch of new faves on the sidebar of my blog…feel free to check ’em out! :)

Current Photo: Tonight you get me and my sweet boy, Andre. Love him. :)

Happy almost-Monday, friends! Hope your weekend was a good one.

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, dogs, family, friends, just life, Maelie, music, reading, Tobin, where I am
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