Five-Minute Friday: Rhythm

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo for Five-Minute Friday.

Join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write.

Today’s topic: Rhythm

My heart wonders sometimes when I think of it…the whole, this is life right now, thing.

I don’t mean that in a bad way…it’s just that the rhythm is different.

Three years into this season of life, and I’m learning what it means to stay, to settle,

to play along with the rhythm of what we have instead of trying to create our own.

It’s not a secret that I thrive on adventure and the crazy that seems to abound around the corners of the less-traveled paths.

But this season, He has clearly said…

Stay.

This is your rhythm for now.

And you know what? I like it…and I’m learning to soak in the blessings and sing the songs that come with it instead of becoming desperate for something new.

Just this week He’s been impressing on my heart the beauty of memories and what was and what will always remain in my heart. And along with that?

He’s showing me the blessings of now,

And the rhythm they bring with them is just amazing.

Feeling grateful tonight for the place He has brought us…and the things He has yet to do.

Five Minute Friday

Sig

Behind the Scenes: Pieces of an Early Morning

I wrote a pretty heavy post last week…and that’s ok. There are times when soul baring is necessary, especially when there’s something beautiful that comes from it.

And, truthfully, there always is…it’s just that it’s not always that easy to see.

I’m in let’s-process-the-past-few-weeks mode right now…and I’ll write more about it later.

But today?

I bring you So. Much. Awesome.

Well, I guess I’ll let you be the judge of that. 😉

photo(7)At first glance, this just looks like an Instagram…hey, hey, look what I’m up to! (And it kind of is.)

But not really.

See…this pic was taken around 6:30 a.m. on Sunday morning. I know, I know.

My eyes had popped open crazy early. The girl was still sleeping, I didn’t have to be at church for praise team until 9:30, and our back porch…with the sun just starting to peek in…was calling my name.

And so I grabbed a cup of coffee, a (small) handful of chocolate (breakfast of champions!), and plopped on a chair with my legs propped up. (Notice the awesome floor burn from the volleyball tournament we WON on Saturday? Yeah, the one I played without knee pads… ;)) My faithful pup, Sammy, took his place by my side, and it was time to (literally) waste my brain on an episode or six of The Babysitter’s Club.

PSA: It’s now available on Netflix streaming. I. Kid. You. Not. (You may or may not be missing out if you haven’t experienced this wonder at least once in your life.)

And as I sipped my heaven-in-a-cup and practically quoted, word-for-word, the cheesiness of the Brunettes trying to steal Logan from Mary Anne and even likely sang audibly…and by likely, I mean,

Yes.

I totally did.

Say hello to your friends…Babysitters Club,
Say hello to the people who care,
Nothing’s better than friends…

Oh, come on.

You know you were singing it from the time I mentioned it. 😀

Plus? I needed to warm up before praise team. 😉

All of that to get to my actual point, because there is one that goes beyond cheesy 90’s tv and coffee and even cute golden retrievers. :)

That sometimes the blessings come in small pieces of sweet and a bit strange…and they don’t always look like daisies and bright sunshine at acceptable hours of the morning. 😉

But that Sunday morning? Was an amazing gift from my Father.

It was the kind He sent just to say I love you, Mel. And I know it’s been hard, but I’m Good and I know exactly what you need.

He’s right.

I soaked it all up until about 7:30, and then I was joined by the sweetest THREE year old ever, who surprised me by watching right along with me and even asked for another episode.

BAHAHAHAHA!

What have I created?!?! 😉

It was a beautiful morning, one that still makes me smile.

He is Good.

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It’s Tuesday, and I love Tuesdays.

I’ve taken the challenge this summer to write about the life behind the photos…the ugly, the messy, the real, the true…and link up with my sweet friend, Crystal, at her space for Behind the Scenes.

Social media and online relationships can make us feel like everyone else has it all together. We’re edited, proof-read, Pinterest-perfect versions of ourselves (or so some might think!) when – in reality? There is an unfinished pile of laundry around the corner. That cute toddler smiling for the camera just had a massive meltdown seconds ago. That yummy breakfast-for-dinner you just showed us on Instagram? It’s because the cat licked the chicken that was supposed to be for dinner.

“Behind the Scenes” is a fun link up where we show those photos – but tell the real story behind them. The sneak peek behind the scenes, a look past the edges of the photo to the real life behind it.

I hope you’ll stop by and read about the real of hearts and lives…some of my favorite writers link up there, and their words will bless you. Happy Tuesday, all!

crystalstine.me

Sig

Him and Me…Daddy and Daughter

Sometimes I wish I had known to hold on to the good times.

But there’s no manual that comes with childhood…the kind that tells little girls that every moment spent with their daddy is something to be treasured.

For me, it was so much unlike what “all of my friends” had.

He worked the 11-7 or 3-11 most days. (He was a police officer.)

I rarely saw him for more than an hour or two at a time.

Occasionally he’d take me out for coffee (I got Dr. Pepper) or to the airport to see his buddies.

And once, he took me running with him. A day I’ve never forgotten.

It was all of those little moments and memories, the things that made up our version of daddy and daughter.

I thought he hung the moon, and when it crashed, so did my entire world.

I skipped school that day and I watched him go. His belongings packed into his white truck, a quick goodbye, and that was it…on that too-beautiful-for-anything-bad-to-happen, early-May day, I set a record for the fastest a wall could be built by a fifteen year old.

There was no way I was ever letting anyone in again.

The years that followed were a series of separations with a brief, very-occasional, few hours together thrown in there. But for the most part, this daddy/daughter relationship was gone.

Over.

Can I tell you something, friends?

That’s not ok.

Daughters need their daddies in their lives, and they need them to be All. There.

Committed.

Faithful.

Because eight years later, I was getting ready to walk down the aisle. And to be honest, I didn’t know what I wanted.

Well, if we’re being completely honest here, I wanted to get married on a remote beach with a few friends there as witnesses. I wanted to forget the fact that there was that whole giving-the-daughter-away thing looming over my head.

But I couldn’t…because I’m Mel. Because I’m me and because my heart wanted to do the right thing, even if it was hard and it hurt and was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.

And so we walked down the aisle together. (I cried more than he did, but for the record, I don’t think his eyes were dry, either. ;))

MelDadWedding

And nothing magical happened that day, but those bricks from the wall I’d built around my battered heart did begin to fall.

And almost eleven years later? I have a daddy again.

Our relationship still looks different…but it’s a good one.

We only see each other a few times a year, and we talk about that often, too. But those moments are special and I hold them close to my heart and thank God that He was able to redeem such broken.

He called me the other night, out of the blue, and I LOVED that he called. It was mostly just chatting about life and family and running (my awesome daddy-o is running a marathon this year!!!)…and well,

I whispered thanks.

Because my Father redeems…and He gives.

And He gave me my daddy back. Happy Father’s Day, Dad. (A day late because…well, you know me. ;))

I love you. And I hope we have a lot more little moments to come.

Sig

Five-Minute Friday: Listen

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo for Five-Minute Friday.

Join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write.

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And this week is a little different. :) I have a tradition of writing to my daughter every year on her birthday. Some of my sweet friends who participate in FMF challenged me to take the prompt and do it all at once.

So, my sweet Mae…this five minutes is just for you. Happy 3rd birthday to my favorite girl in the world…I LOVE YOU!

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Today’s topic: Listen

To my sweet girl on her 3rd birthday,

Sometimes I think back to the days when I was praying so hard for a daughter.

Praying so hard for YOU.

I wondered with everything in me if my Father heard me, if He saw the deepest desire in my heart…

That desire to be mama to a sweet little girl.

I knew what I was praying…I prayed it All. The. Time.

And you know what, my girl?

He was listening, as He always is.

He always hears and He always answers in the way that’s best for us.

And three years ago I held you in my arms for the first time.

I remember that day…the way I cradled you and sang to you the first of many, many songs. We began to bond…to be mommy and daughter.

I couldn’t be prouder of the little girl you are…your kind, compassionate heart shines Jesus so beautifully. The way you love others screams of His Love and Grace in your life. Your beautiful smile? Well, it lights up the room every day and my heart every second.

I am so, so thankful for you, my sweet Mae. This past year has been one of the most amazing of my life…and I am so incredibly blessed to have you next to my side as we walk (but mostly dance and skip) this path together.

Please never, ever forget how much I love you…to the moon and back, plus infinity.

Love,
Mommy

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Five Minute Friday

Sig

Behind the Scenes: The Gift of Compassion

The longer I am a momma…and even though it hasn’t been that long since the day I became one…there’s something that continues to press on my heart…

Compassion is, perhaps, one of the greatest things we can teach our children.

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This picture is one of those…the I-snapped-this-really-quick-with-my-iPhone, kind…and I’ll keep it forever.

Probably frame it and put it where I can look at it every day.

It’s been a hard few weeks.

Just different things that have brought tears…tears that I wish didn’t fall in front of my daughter, but tears she sees anyway.

Yesterday afternoon they rushed in monsoon-like form and there was no hiding themand so I just let them go in black, smeary streaks all over the place. (I really need to find better eyeliner. Seriously.)

Mommy, what’s wrong?

Nothing, sweetie. Mommy’s just sad.

(She puts her hand on mine.)

There’s a hug in there, and she trots off to find her VBS project, a cute little creation covered with sticky shapes.

And that’s when she brings me a heart and sticks it to my hand.

I love you, Mommy.

Too choked up to even speak, I give her the I-love-you sign and rest it on her hand.

And when she gripped my pinky and held on tight, I was reminded…

That compassion is one of the greatest things I can pass on to her.

She’s learning it, and as much as I’d like to take credit for it all, it isn’t just me. In fact, for the most part, it’s NOT me. 😉

Yesterday I got a tangible glimpse into the hearts of those incredible people who have taken the time to love and invest in my precious girl in just the last few years.

She turns three years old on Friday.

Three years…Wowza.

And I wouldn’t change any of it. Not a bit.

Especially when I see what God is doing in her heart and life.

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So I’ve got a new reason to love Tuesdays. 😉

Don’t worry, friends, I’m still dreaming and pushing toward those dreams…but I’m taking a little break this summer with blogging them out and, instead, and joining another link up, one that my cool, new bloggy-friend, Crystal, came up with.

I love how she describes it…

Social media and online relationships can make us feel like everyone else has it all together. We’re edited, proof-read, Pinterest-perfect versions of ourselves (or so some might think!) when – in reality? There is an unfinished pile of laundry around the corner. That cute toddler smiling for the camera just had a massive meltdown seconds ago. That yummy breakfast-for-dinner you just showed us on Instagram? It’s because the cat licked the chicken that was supposed to be for dinner.

“Behind the Scenes” is a fun link up where we show those photos – but tell the real story behind them. The sneak peek behind the scenes, a look past the edges of the photo to the real life behind it.

I hope you’ll take some time and hop over to her place…last week was a fun party of the hip and the hilarious, with a few tear-jerkers in there, too…some of my dearest bloggy-friends hang out there, and I’d love for you to read their hearts.

crystalstine.me

Sig

Five-Minute Friday: Fall

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo for Five-Minute Friday.

Join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write.

Today’s Topic: Fall

So I should take this Five-Minute Friday prompt and write about the absolute, utter, TOTAL klutz that I am.

Really.

I embrace the title pretty much every day as I fall over nothing. 😉

But when I first saw the prompt, I went back to a memory…one I hold in my heart and will forever.

In October of 2010, we experienced our first fall season since 2004. (Yeah, leaves don’t get all crunchy and fall off trees in the tropics. That’s really quite the bummer.)

There was one afternoon in early October when my husband came home from work, and we took our then-four-month-old baby girl outside with us and played in the leaves.

We raked.

We did a lot of jumping.

We took a ton of pictures.

And? I totally even took a huge, crashing dive into the largest pile.

It was one of my favorite days ever and holds a special place in my heart each time I think of it.

Sometimes we take the littlest things for granted…like a change in seasons.

And while we still enjoy fall, I know that season in 2010 will be our favorite for a long, long time.

MelMaeleavesOne of my favorite pictures of me with my girl that day.

Five Minute Friday

Sig

Behind the Scenes: She Rows a Boat

photo(5)It was later in the afternoon, but the sun was still beating strong. And, in the summer, we so love to play outside so we grabbed our sunglasses, put on our shoes, and hopped out to the backyard. (Probably literally…she’s quite the jumper.)

There’s the playhouse and the Cozy Coupe and the slide…those are the faves. Many, many hours have already been spent with them just this summer, and we can’t wait for more.

She makes a beeline for the pool, the one we put up on Sunday (and accidentally overflowed…oops), and I give her the gentle reminder that she should never touch it if mommy or daddy aren’t next to her. And then I also stick in that reminder that it’s still freezing and we should wait a few more days before we try to swim. (Poor thing…she’s been ready to dive in since it had about an inch of water in it. 😉

She cooperates and heads to the sandbox.

We love the sandbox.

We do, but it’s not usually what she wants to play with first. (I guess because it’s there year-round, and we’ve been known to let her play in the sand in February. 😉

I flip the lid off and toss it in the yard, expecting her to sit down next to me to dig and make tracks and fill buckets. She looks at me as I dig with the blue shovel but doesn’t join.

Instead, she walks around and grabs a few things.

The squirt guns we’d been playing with earlier, the plastic bag of accessories she’d been carrying around all day, the pink shovel from her sandbox.

Then she climbs into the middle of the lid, sits down…and thinks for a moment.

Mommy, may I have the blue shovel?

I hand it to her, curious at what that little mind is working on at the moment, but she doesn’t keep me in suspense for long.

In fact, I don’t even need to ask.

One shovel in each hand, she moves them back and forth and starts to sing.

Row, row, row your boat, gently down the STREAM!
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a DREAM!

(She likes to emphasize the ends of phrases in songs. Perhaps loudly. And, by perhaps, I mean always.)

A little imagination, and my girl is rowing her boat to Uncle J and Aunt K’s house across the street…or, at least, according to her that’s her destination.

Because, really…when you’re a toddler with a huge blue flower on your head, two squirt guns by your side, and a bag full of necklaces and bracelets, what more do you need before you head out on a new adventure in a sandbox-lid boat?! 😉

Somewhere in there, I dive for my phone to snap a picture before it’s too late, and soon it is.

Just a few minutes later, she’s moved on to something else. We throw frisbees, chase the dogs, and even fill a bucket with sand.

But, secretly, I’m hoping that we’ll row her boat to another destination soon. :)

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Happy Tuesday, friends! So my regular Tuesday posts with the God-Sized Dream team ended last week. I have to admit that I was a little heartbroken and dreading Tuesdays just a tiny bit. But…Crystal to the rescue! I met this sweet friend through the dream team…and she had a fabulous idea for a new way to connect on Tuesdays.

In her words…

“Social media and online relationships can make us feel like everyone else has it all together. We’re edited, proof-read, Pinterest-perfect versions of ourselves  (or so some might think!) when – in reality? There is an unfinished pile of laundry around the corner. That cute toddler smiling for the camera just had a massive meltdown seconds ago. That yummy breakfast-for-dinner you just showed us on Instagram? It’s because the cat licked the chicken that was supposed to be for dinner. 
 
“Behind the Scenes” is a fun link up where we show those photos – but tell the real story behind them. The sneak peek behind the scenes, a look past the edges of the photo to the real life behind it.
I hope you’ll hop over, have a look, and take some time to connect with us. Crystal’s place is fantastic, and she’ll make you feel right at home. Hope to see you there!

crystalstine.me

Sig

A Mess of Batik…and Identity

The other day I was digging through some boxes we’ve stored in our basement.

Some of them contain items we shipped back to the States from Indonesia three years ago, and while we’ve gone through the boxes at least once since then, we weren’t in the place yet where we could just start pitching everything we don’t use. (Though that day is definitely closer now. ;))

I was actually digging (and making a total mess…really) for a book that I’d had shipped to me in Indonesia and thought I’d brought back. It figures that I didn’t find the book, but I did find?

This.

photo(3)

Yes, it kind of fits me like a great, big, batik, tent. 😉

But, before you cringe…let me tell you the back story.

During our years in Indonesia, I loved all things batik, especially the patchwork kind. Purses, shirts, even skirts…I couldn’t get enough of it. When I stumbled on this tank top in a little batik shop in Yogyakarta during our Christmas trip of ’08, it was like finding a treasure. And so I bought it and wore it and loved it. (And I’m guessing packed it up to ship home way before I actually left Indonesia because my prego belly was probably way too big for it by then. ;))

And that shirt wasn’t the only batik thing I brought home. A couple skirts, shirts, a kebaya, blankets, more bags than I can count… IndonesiaBags

Yep, I stocked up. (And, bonus points to the person who can count how many batik purses are hidden in all of that.) 😉

I wanted to make sure I had enough batik to get me through however long it took me to…

Well, I’m not exactly sure how to finish that sentence.

For several months after my return, I wanted that piece of Indonesia.

The kind I could look at and hold in my hands, the kind that could remind me of the place that still held so much of my heart, even if my feet weren’t planted there anymore.

I’d wear those batik shirts around and carry the cute bags and find a little piece of my identity in the fact that even if I couldn’t be there, at least I could remember it.

But eventually that day came…the day when I pulled out a bag I bought at Target. And I dressed in my jeans and and equally-Target tank top, probably with some Old Navy flip flops thrown in there, too.

I’m not sure how, or even exactly when, it happened, but I became ok with not having that piece of I’ve-obviously-been-somewhere-most-of-you-haven’t-and-that-place-is-my-identity, thrown out there for the world (or at least my little C’ville) to see.

Finding that shirt the other day brought me back to that place…and reminded me of the silly things I sometimes find my identity in.

While a cute bag is always nice (can I get an amen, here?! ;)) and so is a fun, unique shirt…if I’m choosing to label myself with something that trivial, then I have a long way to go.

I guess I still do.

We all do.

That’s why I’m thankful that I’m redeemed, that He’s called me by name, that I’m precious and honored in His eyes…that He loves me.

That. I’m. His.

And as I sit here writing this, still wearing that tent-like tank top, it’s a beautiful reminder, one I need every day.

Thank you, Father.

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But, seriously…I added a striped sweater. Don’t you totally think I should wear this on our next date night?! 😉 

Sig

Five-Minute Friday: Imagine

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo for Five-Minute Friday.

Join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write.

Today’s Topic: Imagine

Some days I wish I had the imagination she does.

Today, in a lucky moment, I snagged an almost-brand-new, Rapunzel, dress-up costume for her at a rummage sale for $1. (Told you it was a lucky moment.)

And when I brought it home and gave it to her, Oh. My. Goodness.

Her eyes lit up, she couldn’t WAIT to put it on, and

She. Became. Rapunzel.

She spun around, she danced, she talked to herself…she even sang songs with me from Tangled. Not that we spend our days singing “When Will My Life Begin?” or “At Last I See the Light”…

Did I just confess something here? 😉

And probably my favorite moment was when she took my hand, asked me to dance, and we spent a few minutes spinning circles, one of us getting extremely dizzy, and laughing together.

And then she informed me I that I was Flynn Rider. Ok, then…

But my point? And the heart of our moment? Was her imagination.

It etched yet another memory into this momma heart that will be there forever.

She saw the world through magical eyes today, all because of a simple find at a rummage sale.

She became Rapunzel.

And I got to go along for the ride.

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Five Minute Friday

Sig

My God-Sized Dream: I Dreamed Some Dreams…

We’ve been walking the path of God-sized dreams together for a few months now. Will you share an update with us about your dream? Let us know where you are with it–the happy and the hard. Tell us how we can pray for you and your dream too.

In 2005 we packed our bags for parts unknown.

Bandung, Indonesia.

Looking at a map, I was pretty sure it was about as far away as I could get from the Midwest, the place I had always called home.

Nevertheless, we did it. We crammed our lives into a suitcase and seven rubbermaid containers, shipped our dog on an airplane, said goodbye to all we knew, and we did it.

Moved to Indonesia.

And it became home.

At the time, we had no idea that we were living a dream.

We were aware that living and teaching overseas was something we’d wanted to do for awhile.

We were even more aware that God had called us to do it. So we answered with a yes.

And we fumbled and faltered and rejoiced and celebrated and cried and loved and lived and so many other things.

It changed us forever.

We lived out a dream, one we didn’t even know we had dreamed.

And months ago…maybe even years ago…another little dream crawled into a corner of my heart. I wanted to take the Indo-stories and experiences my Father had given to me and put them all into one place.

Write a book.

I even gave it a title. Lessons from Indonesia: On Life, Love, and Squatty Potties. 😉

And so when my friend, Holley, accepted me as a member of her God-Sized Dream Team last November, what I expected to pursue wholeheartedly during this time was writing this book.

After all, this was the dream I had in my heart.

And I wrote the book.

I did.

Hours upon hours at a corner table in the Starbucks on 31, more hot-turned-cold cups of coffee than I can count, and more smiles and tears, too…

…and it sits on my laptop and on my nightstand and in the hands of a friend…in the form of 120ish pages and 37,000 plus words. It is my heart and soul, the place where I bled love and life and happy and sad and so many memories…and it is a dream in every way.

That rough draft, read by one other person so far, represents the journey to a dream…one that I need to keep pushing forward to achieve…by writing book proposals that I don’t know how to write yet and handing it to people…even if it’s scary and makes me bite off all of my fingernails. 😉

I was fully aware that this dream I’d dreamed was a dream that I wanted to chase with abandon.

But over the last few months, there have been other things that jumped into my path.

For example…this space.

Yes, it’s been around for awhile. :)

And I guess I never really set out to make my blog a dream when I started it all in 2011. It was always my safe place, a place to laugh and cry and love and share it all. Of course, like any blogger, having an audience is nice, but it wasn’t my dream at the beginning.

And then?

These beautiful women from all corners started to stop by. Leave some comment love. Invite me to their spaces and into their hearts and lives.

A community was created and the dream to keep writing and sharing and loving people through my words was born. Or maybe another dream just grew.

And a few months ago, I let a dream…one that had been locked up tightly…out into the open. I let the whole world know that I want to write for (in)courage someday.

There it is again. :)

And I thought that maybe this whole letting-my-dreams-spill-out thing was over.

Two big dreams, and I’d shared them both.

But God has a funny way of working in hearts when we make the decision to go with His plan. And He brought something else into my life.

Mercy Ships.

Not as an I-need-to-do-this-now dream, but definitely as something that has made an impact on my heart and could be a possibility for us down the road. That’s a bit frightening and heart-pounding to think about. So, for now, we’re just lifting that one up and placing it into His hands.

Now, several months after the dreaming began, I find myself looking at three, and probably more, dreams that have somehow taken root and grown and changed me.

Some days it’s all I can do to simply catch my breath and make the choice to walk another day by His side in obedience.

Walk hand in hand. Not run ahead. Not drag my feet behind.

The truth is that, with these dreams, I’m not sure where I am.

Yes, I’m pursuing publishing a book.

And. Slowly.

This process is not for the faint of heart. I’m finding that out, and the reality of how difficult handing my words over to other people is…well, it’s breaking me and it’s harder than I ever thought it would be.

And my dream of being a contributor for another blog…well, that one is in the works. It’s not for (in)courage, a space that I still love and would, someday, still love to write for. But there’s another opportunity, one that I am truly excited to watch unfold. Hopefully I’ll be able to share more soon. :)

And moving to Africa to live and work on a ship? God has said a clear, Not now. I am ok with this…more than ok.

In all of this dreaming, He has been teaching me the beauty of now.

I’ve dreamed some dreams within the last several months, and though things don’t look at all like what I pictured they might, I am truly enjoying the journey.

And I’m so blessed by each of you who have been part of it.

Happy Tuesday! Today we’re spending some time reflecting on our God-Sized dreams at Holley’s place. We’d love for you to hop over and be part of what God is doing in some amazing hearts and lives.

God-Sized Dreams

Sig