My God-Sized Dream: I Dreamed Some Dreams…

May 28, 2013 by · 36 Comments

We’ve been walking the path of God-sized dreams together for a few months now. Will you share an update with us about your dream? Let us know where you are with it–the happy and the hard. Tell us how we can pray for you and your dream too.

In 2005 we packed our bags for parts unknown.

Bandung, Indonesia.

Looking at a map, I was pretty sure it was about as far away as I could get from the Midwest, the place I had always called home.

Nevertheless, we did it. We crammed our lives into a suitcase and seven rubbermaid containers, shipped our dog on an airplane, said goodbye to all we knew, and we did it.

Moved to Indonesia.

And it became home.

At the time, we had no idea that we were living a dream.

We were aware that living and teaching overseas was something we’d wanted to do for awhile.

We were even more aware that God had called us to do it. So we answered with a yes.

And we fumbled and faltered and rejoiced and celebrated and cried and loved and lived and so many other things.

It changed us forever.

We lived out a dream, one we didn’t even know we had dreamed.

And months ago…maybe even years ago…another little dream crawled into a corner of my heart. I wanted to take the Indo-stories and experiences my Father had given to me and put them all into one place.

Write a book.

I even gave it a title. Lessons from Indonesia: On Life, Love, and Squatty Potties. 😉

And so when my friend, Holley, accepted me as a member of her God-Sized Dream Team last November, what I expected to pursue wholeheartedly during this time was writing this book.

After all, this was the dream I had in my heart.

And I wrote the book.

I did.

Hours upon hours at a corner table in the Starbucks on 31, more hot-turned-cold cups of coffee than I can count, and more smiles and tears, too…

…and it sits on my laptop and on my nightstand and in the hands of a friend…in the form of 120ish pages and 37,000 plus words. It is my heart and soul, the place where I bled love and life and happy and sad and so many memories…and it is a dream in every way.

That rough draft, read by one other person so far, represents the journey to a dream…one that I need to keep pushing forward to achieve…by writing book proposals that I don’t know how to write yet and handing it to people…even if it’s scary and makes me bite off all of my fingernails. 😉

I was fully aware that this dream I’d dreamed was a dream that I wanted to chase with abandon.

But over the last few months, there have been other things that jumped into my path.

For example…this space.

Yes, it’s been around for awhile. :)

And I guess I never really set out to make my blog a dream when I started it all in 2011. It was always my safe place, a place to laugh and cry and love and share it all. Of course, like any blogger, having an audience is nice, but it wasn’t my dream at the beginning.

And then?

These beautiful women from all corners started to stop by. Leave some comment love. Invite me to their spaces and into their hearts and lives.

A community was created and the dream to keep writing and sharing and loving people through my words was born. Or maybe another dream just grew.

And a few months ago, I let a dream…one that had been locked up tightly…out into the open. I let the whole world know that I want to write for (in)courage someday.

There it is again. :)

And I thought that maybe this whole letting-my-dreams-spill-out thing was over.

Two big dreams, and I’d shared them both.

But God has a funny way of working in hearts when we make the decision to go with His plan. And He brought something else into my life.

Mercy Ships.

Not as an I-need-to-do-this-now dream, but definitely as something that has made an impact on my heart and could be a possibility for us down the road. That’s a bit frightening and heart-pounding to think about. So, for now, we’re just lifting that one up and placing it into His hands.

Now, several months after the dreaming began, I find myself looking at three, and probably more, dreams that have somehow taken root and grown and changed me.

Some days it’s all I can do to simply catch my breath and make the choice to walk another day by His side in obedience.

Walk hand in hand. Not run ahead. Not drag my feet behind.

The truth is that, with these dreams, I’m not sure where I am.

Yes, I’m pursuing publishing a book.

And. Slowly.

This process is not for the faint of heart. I’m finding that out, and the reality of how difficult handing my words over to other people is…well, it’s breaking me and it’s harder than I ever thought it would be.

And my dream of being a contributor for another blog…well, that one is in the works. It’s not for (in)courage, a space that I still love and would, someday, still love to write for. But there’s another opportunity, one that I am truly excited to watch unfold. Hopefully I’ll be able to share more soon. :)

And moving to Africa to live and work on a ship? God has said a clear, Not now. I am ok with this…more than ok.

In all of this dreaming, He has been teaching me the beauty of now.

I’ve dreamed some dreams within the last several months, and though things don’t look at all like what I pictured they might, I am truly enjoying the journey.

And I’m so blessed by each of you who have been part of it.

Happy Tuesday! Today we’re spending some time reflecting on our God-Sized dreams at Holley’s place. We’d love for you to hop over and be part of what God is doing in some amazing hearts and lives.

God-Sized Dreams

Sig

Filed Under: (in)courage, adventures, barefoot, blessings, encouragement, friends, God-Sized Dreams, Indonesia, just life, remembering, what I'm learning, where I am, writing

What’s Coming…

May 26, 2013 by · 12 Comments

I ran a 5k yesterday.

It wasn’t my first, and it won’t be my last because I’m a runner, and even if I gripe and complain sometimes about the actually running part that comes with being a runner, it really is my escape and a loved and necessary piece of my life.

I hadn’t particularly trained well for this race.

I’ve been running about twice a week and throwing in a Tabata workout here and there, but my last two 5k distances were minutes over what I was expecting to pull in a race. So I think it’s safe to say there was some discouragement (and grumbling ;)) when I rolled out of bed yesterday morning at 6 a.m.

A friend picked me up at 6:50ish, and we headed down to the race area. She had looked at the course map, but I had decided a few days prior that I had no interest in seeing where the race was going or what hills may or may not be included. (I hate hills. With a fiery passion, perhaps.)

All I knew was that there was a finish line, one that I would be very happy to see.

And that was enough.

I pinned on bib #914, stuck the little timer-thingy (proper term, please?) on my shoelace, trotted down to the starting line with my friend, and we were good (well, ish) to go. 😉

melbeforerace

Here’s me before the race…and before I found out about all the hills. That’s why I’m smiling. 😉

The first mile is typically the hardest for me, but when I heard the time shouted out at the marker, it was encouraging to know I was still going to break 30:00 if I could maintain my pace. It seemed though, as I was approaching the halfway point…and perhaps the ridiculously painful hill (One of about TWELVE…ok, ok, I’m exaggerating. I think there were four or five.) that this feeling of I-can’t-do-this-anymore began to overtake my mind, and I couldn’t shake it.

I made the decision at that moment, as I literally struggled to keep my feet moving, to do two things.

First, I started singing whatever song about being strong that I could think of. (I’d left my headphones in the car.) Steven Curtis Chapman’s His Strength is Perfect, won that little contest. As a side note, I haven’t heard that song in probably a decade…no clue where it came from.

Perhaps I needed the truth found in those words?

His strength is perfect when our strength is gone; He’ll carry us when we can’t carry on.

At that moment, truer words had never been spoken. 😉

And, second, I started looking around me.

Also at that moment, we were running the part that went near the river.

Confession? Even in my pain, it was pretty.

And the beauty that surrounded me pushed me through that mile and into the next, where the adrenaline finally kicked in and my strength returned. I wouldn’t say the last mile, plus the dinky little .1 added to it, was a walk (or run) in the park, but I crossed the finish line…

…the one I was beyond thrilled to see…

and there was such relief. Like, I’m-pretty-sure-there-were-tears-in-my-eyes, relief.

In the end, I was so thankful, I hadn’t known what was coming (aka: THE HILLS). Not only would I have most likely psyched myself out of trying and pushing myself completely if I had known how hard it would be, but I would have been too focused on just getting to my goal to find something beautiful along the journey.

How true is that in life?

How many times do I wish with everything in me that I knew exactly where the crazy of life was taking me?

…or that I could know how it will all turn out?

…or even simply for a promise that it will be beautiful?

I get so caught up in wanting to know what’s going to happen that I forget to focus on the gifts that come with each step along the way.

The lessons from that 5k run and the grueling 28 minutes and 58 seconds (yay for breaking 29!!!) yesterday are planted in my heart forever.

Yes, I will probably be a little more intentional about training for races in the future…

But maybe I’ll be a little more intentional about finding beauty along the way, too.

Sig

Filed Under: adventures, blessings, encouragement, just life, running, what I'm learning, where I am

My God-Sized Dream: Another Dream?

May 14, 2013 by · 38 Comments

For next week take this “do what you can” step for your God-sized dream: Share about your favorite nonprofit organization. They are all God-sized dreams in action. How have they inspired you?

Friends, I just want to warn you that this turned into a novel. But, hey, if my dream is to write a book… 😉 Please read it anyway. Maybe it will change your life…I hope so. I know it changed mine.

~Mel~

**************************

It’s safe to say that my husband and I have a heart for other cultures, overseas ministry, and making a difference in the lives of people we meet.

We spent several years with an amazing organization, the Network of International Christian Schools. (NICS) During that time we were living in Bandung, Indonesia, and working at Bandung Alliance International School (BAIS); Tobin as the IT Director/Yearbook Teacher, and I taught mostly upper elementary with one, extremely memorable, year of teaching preschool/art/random math. 😉

It was life-changing, to say the least, and opened our eyes to what truly experiencing another culture looks like. We loved Indonesia, and we also loved the people there; because when you live in another country that long, whether you plan on it or not, those people find a place in your heart. And sometimes occupy a large territory of it, too.

We stayed five years.

Therefore, I AM 5% Indonesia…and no one can take that from me. (However, if I live to be older than 100, I may need to reconfigure the percentage. ;))

Being part of NICS changed our lives…and lives are being changed all over the world. If you happen to be a teacher and are interested in overseas teaching, this is the organization to check out. There are twenty schools around the world in some amazing places.

In reality, the chance to be part of NICS and BAIS was a dream come true, even if we didn’t know we were dreaming it at the time. OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

And then we moved “home”…though, since living overseas, the word home is extremely relative.

We bought a house and are putting our roots down deep. I suppose things would look different if we didn’t have a family, but we do…and we want Mae to have a place to call home.

God has blessed us above and beyond what we could have dared to hope for…an amazing neighborhood and community, an incredible church, friends who are family and now a part of our hearts and lives forever.

But does that mean we’ll never go again?

There was a time in the last two plus years when I would have told you, Absolutely not; we’re here to stay. Forever. Probably with a theoretical foot stomp thrown in there because I’m like that. 😀 I look around me, and sometimes I just have to catch my breath because I’ve fallen in love with where we are. Pulling up those roots would tear up my heart, and I think I’ve always had it in my head that this is it.

And it really could be.

But God has a funny way of stirring a heart and reminding it that He’s got it all planned, and those plans are mapped out beautifully, according to what He knows is best for us. Not what we think we know.

He hasn’t called us to do anything else yet.

And He may not; so we stay and pour what we have into our lives here and now. I love this place and am incredibly thankful each and every day that we are blessed enough to call this place our home.

But I have to tell you a secret, one that made me literally weep all over the keyboard of my Macbook last week.

Lately, my heart’s been wondering…Could it be that we might go again?

I don’t know…I just don’t. 😉

What I know is that I came across this.

Mercy Ships.

I did not go looking for it. In fact, until last week, after Holley gave our assignment for this week, I’d never even heard of it.

I actually discovered it when a friend from Indonesia posted his sister’s blog on Facebook…she is a nurse for Mercy Ships Africa.

So, of course, I had to check out the website, which linked to a 60 Minutes special. (Which I’m going to post. Which you need to watch.)

I cried the entire way through it…all the while, letting more dreams take root in a corner of my ever-bleeding-for-someone heart. Because, of course, my husband and I don’t have medical degrees. Or plans to get them. Hey, it’s best to stay within your giftings. 😉

But in browsing their website, I discovered something…or a few somethings.

First, people raise their kids on these ships. For a long time, we talked about how wonderful it would be to raise Maelie on the mission field. And there’s a school…school = teachers. I do love to teach.

But guess what? They also need a writer…someone to write publications for press, someone who can give a glimpse into this amazing ministry, someone who can love these people and share their stories.

Can someone please come to my house and attempt to calm down my ever-racing, I-want-to-do-this, heart? :)

And, lo and behold, they need IT . Folks, he’s good. If the guy can deal with Indo technology for half a decade and not lose his sanity, I’m pretty sure he could deal with it anywhere. Even on a floating vessel. 😉

Those of you who know me will not be surprised that my ENFP brain couldn’t spin fast enough. Let’s go! Let’s go! it shouted…and potentially still IS shouting.

I may or may not have started packing our bags. 😉

And I’ll admit to you that I had to cry this out for a few days before I came to the place of truth. That place that said something like, Mel, not now. Maybe someday, but not now. Ok, that voice was most likely my husband. 😉 

It’s a truth I had to wrestle with…the one of joy in where He has us for now; the contentment of praying for His will and going if someday, He does say, Go; but staying if He says stay.

That wrestling ended up being good because a peace took over my heart, and I handed it to Him. I love that I can trust Him to show us if this might be in His plan…when it’s His plan. That day is not today…and it probably won’t be for several years. (Though He could definitely surprise us! Hello, Indonesia? Neither of us saw that one coming…)

But what I know is that I found myself completely fascinated, burdened, and stirred by this ministry that has somehow missed my radar for so long. It’s one where people are literally being the hands and feet of Jesus to some of the poorest of the poor…

Loving people.

Saving lives.

Making an eternal difference.

All of the workers pay their way for the privilege of being part of what Mercy Ships does. These God-Sized dreamers are my new heroes.

Would you consider supporting someone who is part of this amazing ministry?

You can go here to do that.

Friends? I think there might be another God-Sized dream taking root in my heart.

I have no idea what it looks like, but I can’t wait to watch.

**************************

And here’s the clip from 60 Minutes…the best 12 minutes you will spend this week. If for no other reason than simply having your eyes opened, will you watch it? I want to be honest and tell you that this news clip is somewhat graphic and difficult to watch…and they warn you of that on the video. I ask you to watch it anyway.

Thanks for stopping by today, friends! On Tuesdays I link up with my dreaming sisters at our sweet friend, Holley’s place. Will you join us and see what God is doing in some brave and beautiful hearts?

God-Sized Dreams

Sig

Filed Under: adventures, barefoot, encouragement, God-Sized Dreams, Indonesia, just life, remembering, what I'm learning, where I am, writing

My God-Sized Dream: What to Give, What to Give

May 7, 2013 by · 31 Comments

Find a way to pay it forward. You’ve been encouraged in your God-sized dreams by your sisters here the last few months. How can you spread that encouragement forward by investing in other dreamers? It can be small and simple or BIG and wild. Ask God what you can do and get creative.

I read this last week.

I maybe went to hide under the bed after I read it. Or, maybe I just thought about hiding. 😉

And then I spent several days tossing it around in my head…

What to do, what to do…

What to give, what to give…

And then I landed on a Great. BIG. HUH?!

Zero direction. God? I’m a little confused.

So I walk a little on the crazy-dreaming side sometimes. Big surprise, huh?! 😉 I tend to come up with grand schemes and plans in my head, plans that often are really a little too far out there. (That’s why I am married to T…he keeps my head from completely floating off into the clouds.)

I’m also a gift-giver which does not always go well with being crazyish…again, thank you, hubby, for keeping me grounded enough that I don’t give away our second car or an all-expenses-paid trip to Bora Bora.

Kidding, kidding. 😉

It’s just that when I read this, God said Give.

Give what, God? What do I possibly have to give?

How do I invest in another dreamer when I’m wading through what exactly my own dreams look like?

And then I just took some time to think about my dreams…what He’s doing with them, where (I think) I’m headed with them, and what might be the next step.

I’m in that season of waiting and searching and praying…I’m not exactly sure what comes after dashing out a 37,000 word rough draft. I’m not exactly sure how to pursue being a writer for a bigger blog when it seems that sometimes I can barely keep up with my own space and life. And I’m scared of Twitter, too…which seems to be a necessary aspect to anything these days.

There, I said it. Really. Any and all Twitter advice would be greatly appreciated. 😉

Anyway, as I was tossing these things around in my brain and in my heart, He reminded me of a few things.

Prayer and encouragement.

They seem small, but I think of the times that, out of the blue, someone has sent a text of encouragement or offered a prayer for me…those mean so much to a tired and struggling heart.

And maybe that’s where I am right now, too…I may not have anything wild and crazy or earth-shattering to give or share, but I can

Pray.

Encourage.

Love.

And maybe there was a gentle reminder, too, that my eyes don’t always need to be on me. Maybe in this season of waiting and praying, He’s asking me to look and see what I can do for others…

Maybe someone needs a friend.

Or a safe place to cry.

Or a shopping buddy…I’m really good at that one!

Or a chitchat over coffee. I do that really well, too.

I’m praying God will keep my eyes open to what those around me might need.

How are you doing, friend? Is there something I can pray for? Do you just need a word of encouragement? Leave me a comment or send me an email. I’d love to pray for you.

And, who knows? Maybe I’ll be giving away an all-expenses-paid trip to the tropics someday soon. 😉

It’s Tuesday! My dreaming sisters and I are hanging out at Holley’s space. Come by and say hello…we’d love to see you there!

God-Sized Dreams

Sig

Filed Under: encouragement, God-Sized Dreams, just life, prayer, what I'm learning, where I am, writing

(in)RL…Beyond Computer Screens

April 29, 2013 by · 26 Comments

I’m a friend-girl.

I. Love. My. Friends.

And with this explosive, ENFP personality…well, if I meet you and we strike up a conversation and even heart spill just a little, you are my friend. For life, if you would like. :)

The hard thing about what I just wrote? Is that 99…probably .9…% of the world doesn’t work that way.

Talk about a tough reality check.

And with the different places that life has taken us, it’s no surprise that I have often felt as if my heart was torn to shreds with each goodbye I was forced to say.

And so when we moved to the land of I-don’t-know-a-soul-here (aka: C’ville ;)) in ’10, I was starving for friends. God was so Good (still is!) and He gave…I am so blessed to walk this journey of life with some amazing sisters. I hold them in my heart forever.

And in 2011, I decided to join the blogging world. I did it more as a way to process the b-gillion life changes we had going on at the time, but it turned into so much more.

Early on in my bloggy-journey, I came across (in)courage.

It was exactly what I needed…a place where women come together online to connect and grow and sometimes-laugh-or-cry.

And last year, the incredible Lisa-Jo and her awesome team of women launched the first (in)RL Conference…taking an incredible online community and making it an (in)Real Life one. Women all over the world met up, shared stories, laughed, cried, drank coffee…

Connected.

In real life, instead of through computer screens.

And so when this year rolled around, I knew I wanted to be part of it again and even (gasp!) signed up to host it.

Because even though I cherish my amazing online friends, I know the value of having those friends in real life, too.

Two days ago, four of us got together in my small living/dining room.

We drank coffee, chatted, made some incredible, small-world connections, laughed…

Took the time to enjoy the kind of friendship that sits on a couch and shares stories from feet away instead of time zones.

It was an amazing morning-turned-afternoon…and four women who came together as strangers…left as friends. (Ok, ok…I knew one of them already. ;))

And as I’ve reflected on (in)RL and the way God is using it, literally, all over the world…it’s a reminder to me that we all need friends.

We all need community.

And we need to have it (in)RealLife.

Preferably with coffee, chatter, and lots of laughter. :)

(in)RLfriends

And mega-props to my awesome friend, L…who accomplished quite the feat in actually getting this picture. Really. :)

Sig

Filed Under: (in)courage, blessings, friends, just life, remembering, what I'm learning, where I am, writing

My God-Sized Dream: For Good

April 16, 2013 by · 18 Comments

Sometimes we feel alone not because we need to be with others but because God wants to be with us. Our lives are busy–especially when we’re pursuing a dream–and God may want to pull us aside for a bit.

{You’re Made for a God-sized Dream, Chapter Six}.

The most important part of any God-sized dream is the Giver of it. Set aside a particular time this week to be with Him–to pray, journal, take a walk or simply sit quietly and listen. 

I don’t do alone well.

Nor, still.

That is not something I’m proud of; it’s simply a fact.

I feel most energized, physically, when I’m out running around, doing things, surrounded by people.

But this season? Has been very different.

Lonely would be the word I would use to describe it.

Not so much the kind where I am never around people; more, the kind where I’m struggling with things I’m not able to process with those around me…

…thoughts of feeling like my broken past defines my future. ..

…and that it means I can’t be somebody because of where I came from.

Time alone with Him was long overdue.

So, in some ways, taking a set time to be with God was a good assignment for me this week; in other ways, I was dreading it.

And my time with Him didn’t come in a way I would have planned it, but instead in the form of an exhausted, emotional, late-Sunday-night drive. The kind where, the tears were so thick and blinding, I probably shouldn’t have been behind the wheel. 

But I needed to be with Him…in a place where I was sure it was just Him and me.

And maybe it’s where I found honesty and where He spoke…or, maybe, I listened.

I cried out to Him, literally, and somewhere near the McDonald’s on 25, He answered with this.

I’m Tired I’m worn…my heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes, I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed by the weight of this world

And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

I think that maybe…

Maybe…

On this journey to a dream, He is teaching me what it is I truly long for.

Let me see redemption win, let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise from the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn,
Cause I’m worn

True, I dream of writing a book. The initial words are on the paper. I’m (slowly) tweaking, starting to research book proposals…moving forward. I’m excited about it. 

But I think I dream of more…the kind that makes a difference, does something positive.

The kind of more that reflects His love, demonstrates His grace, screams of His redemption.

I want to know that He can take someone who is so broken and still use her for His good.

That’s what I dream of.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28 (NIV)

It’s Tuesday, and my dreaming sisters and I are linking up at our friend, Holley’s place. We’d love for you to join us!

God-Sized Dreams

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, encouragement, God-Sized Dreams, music, what I'm learning, where I am, writing

My God-Sized Dream: Dear Chihuahua,

April 9, 2013 by · 42 Comments

Dear Chihuahua of Fear,

I have some things I’d like to say to you.

You see, I know what it’s like to be chased by you, oh tiny, insignificant, annoying one.

Most mornings I wake up ready to go. I tie the laces of my running shoes, stretch, crank up my playlist, and get moving.

On my early morning run, I don’t usually notice if you’re there.

It could be that my playlist of praise is vastly overpowering your presence. Or, it could be that I’m simply too tired to notice that you might be trying to run me down.

But as I continue to run throughout my day, that’s when I notice you.

You nip at my heels when I continue dreaming dreams.

You chase me with your little two-inch-long legs if you think I’m moving closer to those dreams.

You bark with a sound that resembles a child’s squeaky toy, far more than a canine, at the very moments I’m finding my voice.

On the occasion that you sink your teeth in…oh, I’m sure you’re pretty proud.

But the thing is, Chihuahua, you’re little...in one swift kick, I can send you to the curb.*

I can outrun you…I’m pretty sure you can’t pull an 8:15 mile with those tiny little legs.

And when you bark? Well, I just turn up the praise a little louder and let my Father speak over the fear.

You may bite, sometimes. You may draw a little blood, make me cry…you may even leave a mark.

But, guess what?

Those emphasis-on-the-word-little marks are going to be nothing more than tiny battle wounds. Scars to remind me of overcoming and victory and the fact that

I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.
Philippians 4:13 (NIV)

It’s Tuesday, friends! Come on over to Holley’s place to check out how some incredible, God-Sized dreaming sisters are staring down the Chihuahuas of Fear in their own lives.

God-Sized Dreams

*My apologies to all chihuahua lovers; no chihuahuas were harmed in the writing of this post. 😉

Sig

Filed Under: adventures, encouragement, God-Sized Dreams, just life, what I'm learning, where I am, writing

For When It’s Hard to Feel

March 25, 2013 by · 10 Comments

I sat in the pew while he preached yesterday.

Tears brimmed on my lower lids the entire time. The only reason I wouldn’t let them fall is because I didn’t want my eyes to get all streaky before communion.

You know, when someone might notice the black streaks as I made my way back to my seat.

Stupid pride.

He preached about Jesus riding into Jerusalem on the donkey and how the onlookers spread their cloaks and branches, shouting,

Hosanna! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!

We all know the story…while it was a celebration, the darkest day in history was well on its way.

And the problem was…I knew the story. I’ve heard it a hundred times, more than a hundred.

I keep hoping that this will be the year I feel something.

I’m waiting to feel.

Stupid feelings.

Just about anything can usually make me cry.

I sob buckets at movies.

If I ever argue with T, I’m almost always in tears at some point.

Frustrations make me cry.

Sad makes me cry.

Heck, happy makes me cry, too.

I feel…it’s how He wired me, and I accept that and always make sure I have a tissue.

I usually don’t. 😉

But I have a hard time with being able to accept that when it comes to my faith, it’s so hard for me to feel anything.

I get that a relationship with my Father is not about feelings. It’s not about emotions that pour all over the red carpet of ILC. It’s not about tears that stream down my face as I sing about all He’s done for me.

It is, in fact, about knowing Truth and trusting it even when I don’t feel it.

Yes, there have been times when I’ve cried out to God, literally…and many of them.

Yes, there have been days when I’ve heard a sermon preached and it’s moved me to tears.

There have been life-changing days when I’ve witnessed, firsthand, the power of my Father in transforming a life.

But then there are days like today…days like Palm Sunday when the church is gearing up for Holy Week and Resurrection Sunday and everyone around me seems to be so in awe and emotional…and I sit there.

Oh, the tears were brimming, but it wasn’t because I felt.

It was because I didn’t. And I wanted to. So badly.

In a raw moment, I’m going to say something, in hopes that maybe some of you can relate.

I don’t have an amazing conversion story.

What I have are pieces of ugly and unsure, steps that are hesitant and and taken in fear…that my Father has somehow woven together into a becoming-beautiful journey of trust and acceptance and assurance and surrender.

It’s not perfect, and I know what it’s like to fail.

But I do know…That I’m a sinner. That my Jesus died to forgive my sins. That my Father in Heaven loves me. That He has an eternal home for me in heaven. That I should tell the world.

And I believe it with all my heart.

It’s almost a little too simple, but it’s what He wrote for me, as only He can, and it’s what I desperately cling to on mornings like yesterday when the feelings are absent and it’s too easy to let the guilt become shameful.

It’s Holy Week.

And I know I’ll spend a lot of it reflecting, but while I reflect and regardless of what I feel, I know I need to remind myself that it’s not about feelings…

But about knowing the beauty of what came from that dark Friday so many years ago and trusting that He did it for me.

And you.

Sig

Filed Under: barefoot, blessings, church, encouragement, just life, what I'm learning, where I am

My God-Sized Dream: Joy Surrounding Me

March 19, 2013 by · 20 Comments

JOY

What brings you joy, especially when it comes to your God-Sized Dream?

I love this question and am so very overwhelmed by it all at the same time.

Joy.

JOY.

JOY.

The word has such a different meaning now than it did just two years ago.

My husband and I were in the midst of one of the hardest seasons of our marriage. It was a daily struggle to move forward and to choose love and joy in spite of the challenges that seemed to overtake our days.

Around this time, I had gotten into the groove of blogging, and my writing was definitely something that brought joy…a place to release and be…no matter what I was feeling that particular day.

As I slowly started to become connected online with some different bloggers and friends, I came across a blog.

The writer is someone many of you may know at least through her words. And I became privileged to know her through them, too, even if we never exchanged an in-real-life, friend hug.

During those days of wondering and waiting and unknown, I found myself drawn into her story, inspired by her words, and taken by her heart for our Father.

Someone asked her the question, “How do you manage to stay so positive? So happy? Don’t you ever just get really mad?”

And her reply, specifically this part of it, changed me.

The thing I try to remind myself of, as I am without all the things that I wish I had to make me happy, is that my biggest need is Him. More than I need to be outside in the fresh air, more than I need to move without pain, more than I even need Dad… I need His will to be done in my life whether it is comfortable or not. There is not one thing that feels comfortable about my world right now, but I need Him more than I need to change my circumstances.

It’s still brutally hard. I have to remind myself of these facts every day. It doesn’t always come easily.

But it doesn’t make the truth any less true.

And the truth is that I can choose the joy.

So I do.

From this post at Sara’s blog.

Knowing Sara for the few months I did changed my perspective. Reading her words taught me how to Choose Joy, even on the days that were hard.  (Hard to me, nothing compared to what she endured.)

And I share this with you to tie it back into my answer to the question…

What brings you joy, especially when it comes to your God-Sized Dream?

Honestly, it’s the beauty He brings to each of my days.

Sunshine in the form of a little girl I am privileged to love and raise and spend my days with. I love her so much it brings tears to my eyes.

My husband and the way he loves me through each day, never settling and always striving for something more.

Heart friends…those near me and those so far away that heaven will be our reunion…who bless me with love and laughs, encouragement and prayer.

A new community of women who have inspired and blessed me along the journey to a dream.

Words…and the little gift He has given me in being able to use them to encourage others.

The sunshine streaming through the windows today.

A text or prayer of encouragement from a friend.

Printing off my rough draft and giving it to a friend. :)

A cup of coffee on a cold winter morning.

What I learned, and am continually learning, through my friend’s life is that there is JOY surrounding me.

It’s everywhere.

And it’s my choice…despite my circumstances, I can choose to find it in each day.

Maybe this is somewhat of a generic answer…I hope you don’t see it that way.

I hope that, whatever the dream God has rooted deeply in your heart, you’ll always find joy along the journey of realizing that dream.

I truly can’t wait for the day when my book is in print and I hold it in my hands.

Or for the day that I’ll hopefully have the chance to write for one of my favorite spaces.

But, today, I am embracing the joys God has given along the journey to those dreams.

For You have been my help, and in the shadow of Your wings I will sing for joy.
Psalm 63:7 (ESV)

As we do each Tuesday, a bunch of us are linking up with Holley Gerth and sharing all God is doing when it comes to our God-Sized Dreams! We’d love to have you join us!

God-Sized Dreams

Sig

Filed Under: (in)courage, barefoot, being mommy, blessings, encouragement, family, friends, God-Sized Dreams, Maelie, marriage, remembering, Tobin, what I'm learning, where I am, writing

Five-Minute Friday: Rest

March 15, 2013 by · 8 Comments

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo at The Gypsy Mama for Five-Minute Friday.

Join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write.

Today’s Topic: Rest

For about a year, early in our marriage, I worked at a coffee shop that was close to our house.

I loved it…really, that kind of job is geared toward someone like me. Chatting, coffee, people…yep, it was fun.

Even the early mornings were enjoyable enough, though they required me to get up at 4:30 a.m. :)

When Friday night would hit, though, all of those pre-sunrise mornings would catch up with me, and my body would literally crash.

And early.

It wasn’t uncommon for me to be completely out before 8 pm.

One of the stories my hubby loves to tell from that year was from a certain week. Nothing in particular stands out from that week, but for whatever reason, my body was so tired, I fell asleep around 7 pm on Friday night.

And while that’s not earth-shattering, the time I got up the next day is.

One. in. the. afternoon.

He jokes about how much he got done while I was, literally, sleeping the day away…not only did he go grocery shopping (bless him to the moon and back for that one!), but he went to Menards, bought an invisible fence for our dog, and installed the entire thing before I was out of bed.

:)

I’m not going to make excuses for myself.

Clearly my body needed that rest, and when it finally got it…in the form of 18 hours?

I couldn’t believe the difference.

I felt so much more awake…alive…able to actually function.

And it’s the same way with resting in our Father.

Sometimes we go and go and go…trying to do everything in our own strength, forgetting that we have the strength of someone else.

We don’t have to do it on our own.

And when we finally slow down for that rest…for that encouragement…for His presence…it’s only then that we can continue on and feel alive again.

I am so guilty of pushing forward on my own, trying to get through my days in my own, human strength.

God, I need you. So much.

Help me to find my rest, always, in You.

Five Minute Friday

Sig

Filed Under: coffee, encouragement, Five Minute Friday, remembering, Tobin, what I'm learning, where I am
«Previous Page
Next Page»