what I’m learning

Coffee For Your Heart: SO. Loved.

January 15, 2014 by Mel · 32 Comments

I’m the momma to a sweet little girl. (I think most of you know that by now.) 😉

I spend my days laughing with and loving this wonderful, energetic, burst of sunshine…one that my Father knew our family needed.

And most of the days we spend together are truly wonderful…there are games and playing puzzles and laughing and usually singing. Listening to the Frozen soundtrack over and over. Dress-up and dancing. Furniture leaping when I turn my back.

😉

And, yes, she’s wearing a Halloween shirt.
After Christmas.
Because, you know, she’s THREE. 😉

But then there ARE those days, too.

The kind when age three takes over and the stubbornness (from both sides!) comes in, and we struggle.

Yesterday afternoon was one of those times.

I had things I had to get done in-between the fun of our day…and one of those things was our Tuesday, God-Sized Dream, prayer meeting over Google Hangout.

The routine is usually the same…Mae gets to pick out a longer show or movie, something that will keep her occupied while I’m doing that. And most of the time…most…it’s a good plan, and it works.

But yesterday, there must have been something in her apple juice. Seriously.

In the background of the phone call, she was howling.

I’m not talking the laughter kind of howling…I’m talking the wolf kind.

Ow…OOOOOOOHHHHHH! (That sound is really hard to put into actual letters.) 😉

I tried to gently hush her, and for the most part, she listened and went back to watching My Little Ponies.

And then…and not kidding here…just as I’ve uttered about TWO words of a prayer, she comes up to me. Yanks on my arm.

I gave her hand a little squeeze and tried to keep going.

But she keeps pulling, and I pause to look over.

She’s rubbing her belly…this annoying thing she’s started to do when she wants a snack. Which is like All. Day. Long. I’m convinced that toddlers want snacks all the live long day.

I shake my head no, but she’ll have none of it.

And as I try to go back to prayer, she hits my arm.

At this point, I have to excuse myself from the prayer and step AWAY from the camera.

After scolding her for hitting me, I take her into the kitchen to try to find something to get her through the last minutes of prayer time. Thinking she wants an apple or grapes, I go for the fruit.

No, mommy. I’m hungry!!! Can I have a Hershey’s kiss?

Really, child? You pulled me away from prayer time FOR. A. HERSHEY’S. KISS.

Those words may-or-may-not-have escaped my lips.

But at that point, I was more concerned with getting back to prayer time and keeping her happy (not necessarily my finest parenting here…) and so I obliged.

Miraculously, it worked for awhile.

Later when we’d finished prayer, and I’d hung up, she came over to me.

Mommy, I love you. I just want to be close to you. And she wrapped her arms around me.

And as we grabbed hands and went back to playing together, I thought of how blessed I am to be loved by such a wonderful little girl.

Yes, there are belly-rubbing, Hershey’s-kiss-begging, just-plain-bad, parenting moments…but there’s still love. Forgiveness.

And the deep desire to just be close.

Yesterday my sweet girl reminded me how much she loves me, even on the days I mess up big time.

And that was such a sweet reminder to me of how much my Father loves me, too, in spite of me being me, in spite of the times I mess up, even on those days when I don’t show the love I should to Him.

Friend, you are loved.

SO. Loved.

Remember that today.

**************************

I love my sweet friend, Holley‘s, new link-up! Her Coffee For Your Heart: 2014 Encouragement Challenge is just what it sounds like. Think of Wednesdays as that day where I just share some encouragement…and you can pretend that we’re sitting at a table over coffee, just sharing life. Sounds like a great way to spend Wednesdays in this space. I hope you’ll hop over and join us!

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, coffee, encouragement, just life, Maelie, uncategorized, what I'm learning, where I am

Five-Minute Friday: See

January 9, 2014 by Mel · 20 Comments

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo for Five-Minute Friday. So, grab a timer, set it for five minutes, and join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write. Then leave some comment love for the person who linked up before you…and anyone else because that’s the fun and the heart of the community!

Today’s prompt: See

I hear it a million times a day.

See, Mommy? Look at her beautiful dress!

Look, Mommy! I can jump! (Insert leap from couch to chair…something she’s technically not supposed to be doing…) 😉

I need the light on, Mommy…I can’t see!

Will you play princesses with me, Mommy? Look, here’s Rapunzel!

There are so many times in a day when my daughter asks me to look. She wants me to see.

Granted, she is three years old and at that age…the age that begs for attention and time and more attention. Pretty much all day long. 😉

And the truth is that, most moments, I’m more than happy to give it.

I want to be near her, seated on the floor criss-cross-applesauce, seeing the world from her vantage point…one filled with storybooks and songs, dancing and furniture leaping, and lots and lots of pony-and-princess playing.

And, often…Mommy, look. Here’s the next story in the Bible. Can we read it?

And so we sit down together and read from her Storybook Bible or talk about the last story, and I realize how blessed I am to see the faith in her heart as it continues to grow. She’s learning, she’s understanding…

She’s beginning to SEE.

And it’s beautiful.

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, Five Minute Friday, just life, Maelie, what I'm learning, where I am

2014: Restore

January 1, 2014 by Mel · 35 Comments

Warning: This turned into an intense, heart-spill. Thanks for reading.

Hi, friends! Happy New Year!

And, yes, I’m blogging three days in a row…which hasn’t happened since, like, 2012.

And now that you’ve picked yourselves up off the floor… 😉

Restore. My word for 2014.

I’ll get to that in a minute. It’s one that has caused more wrestling and wondering and tears before I even chose it as my word for the year.

But let’s back up and talk about Dream for a minute.

It was my word for 2013…and, in every way, the safe choice for the year.

I was already part of the God-Sized Dream Team.

Already in the thick of dreaming and surrounded by so many other dreamers.

It just made sense.

Oh, there were parts of it that were challenging, definitely, and I don’t regret my choice at all. In all of the dreaming, and the hard part…doing, God did incredible things…opened doors and opportunities. 2013 was definitely a dreaming journey, one that has changed my life forever.

But, today…and this year, Restore.

It was supposed to be Create.

You see, that’s the word I wanted. It’s something I love. A word I had planned on making my focus for the year because it’s so easy for me.

To pull out the paint and a canvas and splash art.

To pick up my hook and yarn and make something cute that I’d rather not pay $30 for in a store. Or to make a cute hat for a friend.

To frustrate myself through the roof with my Rainbow Loom, but somehow make a cute bracelet. Yes, I bought one. It’s fun. And completely addicting…and, yes, I promise I am 35 years old. 😉

Creating…it comes naturally. And it’s easy.

But God said something different this time…and, ironically, He said it through a painting. (And a whole series of events that make up an incredible account…I’ll be sharing that soon, but not today.) 😉

He said it through this.

Restore.

I will restore you. Your marriage, your heart, your emotions, your confidence, ALL of it.

You see, I paint a word mural in this space.

While I keep it real most days, unless you know me intimately, you don’t know the brokenness that resides in this heart.

Some of it is my own doing, some of it isn’t.

But regardless of the source, there are pieces of me that need to be restored. Not fixed completely…but at least brought back to a place of being able to shine Him again, even if it’s through cracks.

Our marriage…it’s hard. We are night and day, sunshine and rain…and looking for the rainbow. I know it’s there, and I remind myself of that daily as, sometimes, we try desperately to hold on. The Truth is that we are working to make Him first again. I’m not sure how it happened, but somewhere in the last eleven plus years, we became more me-me-me, and less Him-Him-Him.

Pray for us? Please?

My mommy heart needs to be restored and reminded daily of the blessing I have in my precious daughter. Most days I know it and feel it and the two of us dance it out like the crazy, fun girls we are. 😉 And others…the ones when my period is late or I’m cramping horribly…well, I focus on what I don’t have. Will you pray that God will restore my heart? And because I believe in being real…and also because so many of you are my family…here’s the deal. Really.

And I want you to know it.

We’re focusing on us and our sweet girl. There’s no trying right now, and I’m ok with that. We are hoping a few months down the road that we’ll be in that place again, but today, we’re not there. It’s been a source of me needing to let go of my perfect family ideal…which didn’t include kiddos who were four or five years apart. (If that.) And yet, here we are.

And I long to be ok.

And there’s also a deep desire for freedom and restoration of my past…situations that left me broken, empty, and almost unable to go back to the place that was my home for so many years.

The truth is that, right now, I can’t go back without a pit in my stomach, a hardness to my heart, and tears brimming on my eyelids.

I hate that it’s that way. Hate it.

And I know that ONLY HE can Restore it and somehow glue back together the pieces that fell apart so long ago.

I mean it when I say that it’s almost become easier to live broken than to live Restored.

But I long for it…and He has spoken it.

Now, I need to obey it.

So, Father, please Restore…whatever it is that needs to be restored in me. Make my heart new, make it long for You, make it shine You again. I know You can and You will.

God gave me a verse recently…and, ironically, it popped up as the verse of the day yesterday. But maybe it’s just another little whisper from Him that He’s got this.

This…THIS…it’s my prayer.

My hope.

My promise from Him for 2014.

See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.

Isaiah 43:19 (NIV)

Restore 2014. He Will.

And, thank you…to each of you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for being willing to walk this journey with me.

That makes you my friend, and I love you for it.

***Linking up at Circles of Faith and the One Word 365 community today.

Filed Under: barefoot, being mommy, encouragement, family, God-Sized Dreams, Maelie, marriage, Tobin, what I'm learning, where I am

Five-Minute Friday: Reflect

December 5, 2013 by Mel · 29 Comments

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo for Five-Minute Friday. So, grab a timer, set it for five minutes, and join me!

Today’s prompt: Reflect

I talk about her a lot lately, this girl.

Maybe it’s because we spend our days…and most of our moments…side by side.

I truly feel like I blinked…maybe an extended blink, but a blink nonetheless…and she is nine days shy of three and a half.

A mini me in so many ways, even if she looks more like her daddy. 😉

But I am oh-so aware of the little mirror I have following me around…reflecting everything I do.

Oh, sometimes it’s awesome…when we dance through the living room together or surf on the couch. (Sssshhhh…don’t tell!) When we share chapstick and powder and wear bracelets together. Once in awhile we’ll sit down at the piano together and play. (Or, pound? ;)) And sometimes we even dress alike because we can.

Most of the time, I love that she wants to reflect what she sees in her mommy.

And, yet, there are those days, too…the ones when she pops out a word she’s heard me say, one that slipped and never should have reached her ears. Or when the impatience spills over and becomes a raised voice…and she returns it, sometimes even more loudly.

I don’t love that…because I know that the mommy she’s mirroring isn’t reflecting Her Father.

This mommy thing is hard…I dance through the sunshine and daisy parts of it, but sometimes there are tears, too…and not just from her. Fear that I’m messing it all up.

I have to give myself grace…and pray ever day that He’ll help me to reflect Him so she can, too.

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, encouragement, Five Minute Friday, just life, Maelie, what I'm learning, where I am

The Liebster Award

December 5, 2013 by Mel · 8 Comments

My sweet friend and heart-sister, Kristin, nominated me for the Liebster Award. (This is my first bloggy award…how fun!) The Liebster is a fun way to introduce smaller blogs to more people…and I’ll be passing on the Liebster love at the end of this post. 😉

I met Kristin for the first time (in)RL at Allume, but it felt like I had known her for years. We first connected through the God Sized Dream Team and then God planned it all out (He did!) for us to be roomies at the conference. We are also part of the same Mastermind group, are both contributing writers for a new blog coming soon, and have been in the same HelloMornings group for the last two sessions.

Her friendship is such a gift to me…and not just because she lets me borrow her boots and her jewelry. (Take note of the necklace in my headshot on the blog…yep. Totally hers. She has fantastic taste, and going shopping with her is on my bucket list.) 😉 But, really? She’s just wonderful. Make sure you check out her blog because she just has the biggest, most generous heart ever, and that leaps off the virtual pages of her space. You’ll be blessed!

And thanks, girl, for letting me “borrow” this picture from your blog. Yours is better than mine.

So I get to have a little fun, share some love, and then pass the award on to a few of my friends. (See the end of this post for that!)

First up, 11 random things about me.

1. I’ve lived in four different states and one other country besides the U.S. That’s not too impressive until you understand that for the first 23 years of my life, I lived in Iowa. Just Iowa.

2. I’ve been to 20 countries…we love to travel. It’s a beautiful, beautiful world.

3. I drove a pink motorbike when we lived in Indonesia. I hate pink now…I purchased it during that very, very short period in my life when I thought pink was cool. But I do miss that bike…it was fun.

4. I taught myself how to play the piano and the guitar, but singing is my first musical love. I can also somewhat hold my own on the djembe and can even pluck out a few songs…a few…on the ukulele.

5. My name is Mel. Yes, it’s short for something else, but there’s a reason I go by Mel. Even people I’ve known my whole life seem to think that my full name is Melissa or Melanie or even McKenzie. (No clue how they arrived at that one, and none of them are.) I’m seriously considering legally changing it, but hubby isn’t on board with that one just yet. But it’s Mel. Always Mel. 😉

6. I love running…most of the time. In fact, I’d like to run a half marathon next year. But no more than that. Two hours of running seems like it’s about my limit. 😉

7. I’m a klutz. Really. I trip a lot, and it’s kind of hilarious.

8. When I was pregnant, I wanted a little girl so badly that I wouldn’t believe my doctor when she told me we were having a girl. Four times. Even the day Mae was born, I kind of expected her to come out a boy.

9. My hubby and I met, started dating, and were engaged within five months…and we got married ten months later.

10. I use a copious amount of emoticons when I write. Please don’t go back and count. 😉

11. I was the world’s pickiest eater growing up. There are now only a handful of things I won’t eat…maturity and most living overseas are probably what changed things.

And Kristin had eleven questions for me.

1. What is your favorite time of day? I’m such a night owl…I could stay up until two or three in the morning watching cheesy movies, but life and responsibility force me to go to bed at a more reasonable-ish hour. Usually around 11 pm.

2. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? As tempting as it is to say Bali (I love me some tropics!) I’d choose here. In this house with the people I love. We truly are blessed by the community and friends we have.

3. What is your biggest pet peeve? Hmmm…I have two. Mean people and people who waste my time.

4. Salty or sweet? Can I say both? (I LOVE salted caramel!) But I probably lean toward sweet most of the time.

5. If you could have one wish granted, what would it be? Probably that my daughter will grow up to love God and serve Him with her life…and as part of that wish (or prayer), that God will give her mommy and daddy the strength to let her do just that, no matter where He takes her.

6. What is your middle name? Rose. Though, funny story. In elementary school, I changed it a few times…and at one point I had FOUR middle names. I’m funny like that. 😉

7. What is your favorite Christmas tradition? As a family, we’re starting a few…like a neighborhood cookie party and reading the Christmas story together. And though it’s completely dorky, I love the movie Prancer. I probably watch it at least five times every Christmas.

8. What book are you currently reading? Actually, I’m reading several. My hubby and I are reading Love and Respect in the Family by Emerson Eggerichs together. I’m also going through a study on Ann Voskamp’s The Greatest Gift, and it is so fantastic and changing the way I look at Advent and Christmas. And I’m part of a book study on God is Able by Priscilla Shirer…I’m one chapter in, but I know it’s gonna be good! And my Mom’s Bible Study is going through The Resolution for Women. (Also by Priscilla Shirer and also a good one!)

9. What is the last package you received in the mail? Dayspring sent me a pretty sweet T-shirt and some other goodies a couple of weeks ago. That was a happy surprise, one that I wasn’t expecting!

10. How many loads of laundry do you do in a week? Anywhere from 6-10, depending on how many times I work out and how impatient I am to get the sweaty smell out of my bedroom! 😉

11. What is the best Christmas present you have ever received? Hmmm…that’s a tough one. I’ve been blessed with some pretty good gift-givers in my life. 😉 I think it’s a tossup…between the scooter I got when I was nine years old (I wanted one soooooo badly) and the year my hubby bought me the Rogers and Hammerstein collection on DVD. (I think he regretted it when I started hosting my own little impromptu concerts, though!)

Now, my eleven questions for the friends I am nominating!

1. If you could describe yourself in three words, what would they be?

2. Do you eat breakfast? If so, what?

3. Coffee or tea? Or neither?

4. Christmas tree…white lights or multi-colored?

5. What time of day do you do your best writing?

6. You have a rare day off from any responsibilities. What do you do with it?

7. Do you have any hidden talents? Please share!

8. What’s your most embarrassing moment?

9. What’s a movie that you’ve seen so many times, you can practically quote it?

10. Do you sing in the shower?

11. What’s your favorite book…you know, that one you can read over and over?

And now, my Liebster nominees! (Please stop by and leave them some comment love!)

Cathy from Moments on the Journey. She’s my buddy from the GSDT, a sweet, (in)RL friend, and I just love her and the encouragement she is to me! Plus, she has some of the most fun ideas ever…just check out her blog!

Amy from Living in Harmony. Amy is one of the first online friends I really connected with, and she is always a sweet encouragement to me. She claims that she’s a better speaker than a writer, but I really enjoy her writing and her insights, and I can’t wait for the day I can hear her as a speaker, too.

Julie from Whimsical Words. Julie is one of my GSD sisters, and she was such a happy blessing to me at Allume. I knew she’d be there and I definitely looked forward to hugging her, but I didn’t know I’d connect with her and love her so much! Silly me…she’s wonderful. AND she makes beautiful, hand-stamped cards. So you should check out her Etsy store while you’re at it!

Thanks again, Kristin…so fun!

Filed Under: blessings, community, friends, God-Sized Dreams, just life, random, what I'm learning, where I am

Even in the Small Things: A Guest Post

November 25, 2013 by Mel · 2 Comments

I remember the day so clearly, and it wasn’t one of those warm, fuzzy, happy-memory kind of days.

Christmas Eve, 2005. A Saturday.

And we were on the opposite side of the world from our family and friends.

Life and a two-year commitment in Indonesia…but, really, it was all God…had taken us, geographically, about as far from “home” as we could get.

To say that I was in a bad mood that day may be an understatement…and it’s pretty accurate to say that my husband was there, too.

All day long we spatted back and forth. With last-minute shopping and gift wrapping, Christmas music and cookie baking, giving a gift to our house helper, and anticipating the Christmas Eve service filling those hours, it should have been a day full of the joy of the season.

Instead, it was a day of spouting frustrations and complaining.

It seemed, that day, there was a continual focus on all we were missing…from family get-togethers and friends and our church in Minnesota, to really good eggnog, hot chocolate, and snow.

And maybe that makes sense somewhat…it doesn’t mean it’s right, but it makes sense. The holidays can be hard.

They’re hard for missionaries and people who are away from loved ones. They are painful for those who have experienced loss and have empty hearts. They can be lonely and full of reminders of what was.

Probably each of us could place ourselves in one of those categories if we want to.

Sadly, I don’t think it crossed our minds that day to give thanks for the many blessings that surrounded us…

You can go here to read the rest this post.

Friends, today I’m thrilled to be guest posting at my sweet friend, Kim’s space, Winsome Woman. I’ve known Kim through the God Sized Dream Team over the last year, and God even worked things out for us to be Allume roommates for one night. As a bonus, we even got to have coffee at my favorite ever (so far!) coffee shop the next morning. She is sweet, kind, and gracious, and I’m so thankful for the opportunity to share on her blog today!

Filed Under: blessings, community, friends, guest posts, Indonesia, remembering, what I'm learning, where I am

Behind the Scenes: Counting Gifts

November 5, 2013 by Mel · 22 Comments

It’s November, and I looooooove November.

It’s like that perfect, crunchy-leaf, apple-spicy-smelling, permission-to-drink-coffee-like-crazy, time of year.

Plus, I like pie almost as much as cake, and Thanksgiving=pie, but we’ll talk about that another week. 😉

Mostly I just like all that the season holds…time to be extra-intentional about giving thanks, the anticipation of celebrating the birth of our Savior, watching the wonder of Christmas through the eyes of my sweet girl, snowman-building, Christmas music and church services, sweaters and scarves, cookies…

So much to love and look forward to.

Honestly, this has been a challenging season. Not a bad one. It just looks…different. Much different than I’d pictured a year ago. I thought our family would look different by now. I thought we’d feel more settled into life and ready to embrace the next chapter and possibly the next family member, too.

But that’s not where we are right now.

And that’s ok, most of the time. We’re (still) learning how to settle. (Maybe I’ll write more on that later.) We’re enjoying the blessings of now, and there are so many.

But I do have those moments, and once in awhile, I catch myself being less than thankful…especially on nights when I know there’s no little one growing in me and that there probably won’t be anytime soon.

And, yet, it doesn’t take much, really. Much to be thankful by just looking around me.

And by looking at this girl.

She was my candy-lovin’ Belle on Halloween, but every day, she’s my sweetie. (And, good golly, she looks about TEN here. Oy…) She is joy and sunshine and a gift all wrapped up in something more beautiful than I ever could have even dreamed. And I know I share that often here, but sometimes…

Well, sometimes it’s just good to give thanks for those gifts who dance with me every day…those that bless me so much more than I can ever really express in words.

Mae’s been sick this week…a little fever, a lot of runny nose and coughing, and yesterday all she wanted was snuggles. And as I cuddled up to her for some story-reading, she leaned her head in close to my heart and whispered, I love you, Mommy. We are best girls.

Oh, bless. I melted all over the couch, I’m sure.

I look at her and I think back over the almost-three-and-a-half years we’ve had with this girl, and that’s just about all I need to whisper thanks and praise about 10,000 times. Or more.

Friends, He is so Good.

And I’m so thankful…for so, so many things.

I’m counting my gifts today. And every day…join me?

**************************

Happy Tuesday, friends! Today is the day when I join some sweet friends at Crystal’s space for Behind the Scenes. We’re sharing the silly and sweet and sometimes-tear-jerking moments that happen behind the camera lens…I hope you’ll take some time and pop over to read some great stories.

Social media and online relationships can make us feel like everyone else has it all together. We’re edited, proof-read, Pinterest-perfect versions of ourselves (or so some might think!) when – in reality? There is an unfinished pile of laundry around the corner. That cute toddler smiling for the camera just had a massive meltdown seconds ago. That yummy breakfast-for-dinner you just showed us on Instagram? It’s because the cat licked the chicken that was supposed to be for dinner.

“Behind the Scenes” is a fun link up where we show those photos – but tell the real story behind them. The sneak peek behind the scenes, a look past the edges of the photo to the real life behind it.

Filed Under: Behind the Scenes, being mommy, blessings, family, just life, Maelie, what I'm learning, where I am

Five-Minute Friday: Grace

October 31, 2013 by Mel · 26 Comments

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo for Five-Minute Friday. So, grab a timer, set it for five minutes, and join me!

Today’s prompt: Grace

(thanks, Julie, for this one!)

I spent last weekend with some of the most amazing sisters ever. (To be fair, I don’t have any blood-related sisters, and I always wanted one. Or thirteen. So I like to think that God is just making up for it now with an abundance of them. ;))

I had looked forward to this conference for so long, and there were so many necks I couldn’t wait to hug. So many cups of coffee I wanted to drink while seated at a little table with friends over long, deep conversations.

Some of it happened…as much could be squeezed into an already jam-packed schedule.

And some of it didn’t.

There were some of you, beautiful sisters, who got a quick hello and a hug, and while I know that can convey something, I know how I wanted to find time for so much more.

This week? Well, it’s been a lesson in giving myself grace.

Of accepting that sometimes, no matter how we plan things, they just don’t quite work out like we want them to. And the simple fact that sometimes there’s not enough time.

My Father…He’s been whispering this thing of Grace to me over and over in the last few days. Reminding me that it’s ok.

That community can connect and love even despite distance and lack of sit-down-in-person cups of coffee.

If you and I had a chance to meet last weekend, I am So. Very. Glad. Y’all are beautiful and treasured…and I’m not just saying that.

This community? I never knew the magnitude of its impact until the hugs started happening and the tears started to fall and I could see it all for myself.

And if we didn’t connect in person, pull up a chair and we’ll keep talking, keep loving…through computer screens and twitter and our blogs. And someday soon, I hope we’ll sit down for that coffee at a cute little table in a corner.

Grace.

Grace in what happens, grace in what doesn’t.

So, so blessed by grace.

Love to each of you, whether you are part of my (in)RL community, my online one, or both. I’m so thankful to have you in my life.

Filed Under: blessings, coffee, community, friends, remembering, what I'm learning, where I am

Behind the Scenes: When You Just Need a Refill

October 8, 2013 by Mel · 23 Comments

There’s a scene that greets me every morning, usually before six, that looks something like this.

For a coffee ~~guzzler~~ drinker like me, this particular scene could be considered tragic…because it means I actually need to get up out of my chair, leave my blanket behind, and shuffle to the kitchen for a refill. Yes, I’m freezing in the morning and am usually wrapped up as much as possible while I do my Bible study… 😉

That refill? It’s just what needs to happen because I know it’s not good for anyone…and I do mean anyone…if I choose to face by day with just one cup of caffeine. 😉

Maybe that was a bit of a stretch…but it’s so fitting for where my heart sits right now.

I am totally that empty coffee cup, the one with just the last few drops left…the one that is begging for a refill, for the good of everyone.

Friends, my words are gone, and I feel like I’m running on the fumes.

It’s been that way for the last few weeks as I’ve tried to write, tried to share…and nothing comes.

It frustrates me…I compare myself with others who are so good, with those who manage to string such amazing words together for days in a row, and I wonder if there’s something wrong with me.

Which also tells me something…that, potentially, I’ve found too much of my identity in being a writer and not enough in being His daughter.

So there are facts. A lot of them.

I’m writing a book. Actually, it’s written. (I’ll still shout out an Amen! for that one. It feels good. ;))

But, more accurately, I’m writing a book proposal. (Or trying to.) Yep, this wordless thing also carries over to proposals, and I’m currently staring down a 15-day deadline. (Double yikes.)

The timing for this whole where-are-my-words? thing isn’t great. All year I’ve been looking forward to this amazing blogging conference…the one where I will have a chance to learn from and connect with so many awesome women and friends, in real life, that up until now I only know through computer screens. There’s also the opportunity to talk with publishers…kind of a necessary step toward becoming published. And here I am, throwing myself into a mix of writers when I don’t feel like one myself.

I know it’s a lie…one that the enemy desperately wants me to believe. One I can’t choose to believe. I can’t.

Because there’s also Truth.

A lot of it.

The truth is that I’m a bit empty…in a dry and desperately-needing-a-refill season. The kind where I spend more time soaking up than pouring…and though it’s hard, I have to continually tell myself that it’s not bad.

The truth is also that there are times…like now…when He asks me to sit at His feet and just be. To wait and listen and still praise…and be filled with Truth and His love and rest in the fact that I’m His daughter and that His plan for me will be fulfilled when it’s time.

I know this time of filling is so important…but it’s not what I had planned on for this season.

I had planned. No surprise to Him, though.

So I got up again this morning. Shuffled to the kitchen. (Yep, totally wrapped in my blanket…the turquoise and brown zebra print one, since I know you care about such details… ;)) Made the coffee. Sat down with my first mug and open my Bible. It’s 6:05 a.m. and the scene above is staring me down right now.

I think it’s time for a refill.

**************************

Happy Tuesday, friends! Today is the day when I join some sweet friends at Crystal’s space for Behind the Scenes.

Wishing you all a great day! If you’ve got time, I know you’ll love the stories my friends are sharing today! You can click on the link below to find them.

Filed Under: barefoot, Behind the Scenes, coffee, encouragement, just life, what I'm learning, where I am, writing

Five-Minute Friday: True

September 26, 2013 by Mel · 40 Comments

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo for Five-Minute Friday.

Join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write.

Today’s prompt: True

True confession?

I have a little obsession with making the top row of this linkup.

It didn’t start out that way, and it’s not necessarily ok or admirable or something I’m proud of…it’s just a confession.

And another one?

Tonight I sat there, singing songs and writing forms, marking changes and how many times we were singing the tag…and checking Twitter.

Missing out on #fmfparty, trying to follow along with random glances down at the pew between verse and chorus, not daring to actually tweet along…

But following.

And somewhere in the middle of Your Love Never Fails, the prompt went out, and I had to fight the urge to race into the hallway and figure out how to somehow blog this prompt from my iPhone, which I know is done all the time, but not by Mel. The girl who always writes everything from her computer.

And then I caught myself.

And since we’re talking true tonight, this might sound a little harsh.

Why is it that I feel the need to be first?

Oh, don’t get me wrong…it’s fun to tweet with my friends and then dash off our five minutes and spend an hour or so encouraging each other. That’s such the heart of this community and something I absolutely love about it.

But the truth is that competition doesn’t really help anyone. And, does it really hurt me to be mixed up in the middle somewhere, surrounded by beautiful sisters who love Jesus just as much as the lovely ladies in the top row do?

So, tonight? I’m going to spend some time loving on them…reading their words and their hearts.

And being thankful…for praise team practice, for the fact that I didn’t get home in time for the prompt, for the fact that I get to hang out somewhere new and fun.

I’m also making a promise to never, ever open Twitter during praise team again.

True story.

Friends? I have this rule, one that I’m seriously considering tossing out after the last two weeks, but not tonight. I always write the first thing that comes to mind with Five-Minute Friday…and this was it. Please know that I love each of you…regardless of whether you link up at #1 or #527. We each have a voice, one that should be heard…and I’m going to spend some time listening tonight.

Filed Under: church, encouragement, Five Minute Friday, just life, music, what I'm learning, where I am

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2014: Restore

Five-Minute Friday: Reflect

The Liebster Award

Even in the Small Things: A Guest Post

Behind the Scenes: Counting Gifts

Five-Minute Friday: Grace

Behind the Scenes: When You Just Need a Refill

Five-Minute Friday: True

Mel

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