Finding Adventure

“Attitude: The Difference Between Ordeal and Adventure.”

My favorite quote.

Ever.

We’ve been completely blessed to have some of the most awesome adventures…many, things I never even dreamed I’d get to do.

Like…surf the waters of the Indian Ocean. Hike through a remote jungle in Sumatra. Drive a motorbike in an over-crowded city with no driving rules…and not die. (The not-dying part is big.) Swim in the Amazon River. Snorkel in the Caribbean. Ride an elephant in Thailand. See the Towers in Kuala Lumpur.

Yeah, I’m going somewhere with this.

Cause I’ve also had other adventures that don’t involve being halfway around the world.

Like…leaving home when I was barely eighteen years old to make a life for myself. Watching God take a shy, afraid-to-talk-in-public girl and turn her into someone who could give speeches and sing solos and do something for Him. Falling in love at the one time in life when I did NOT want it. Marrying him anyway.

(THAT has been an adventure. ;)) Dreaming…and seeing the goodness of God when He worked things out according to His plan and not mine.

Giving birth to the most amazing little girl.

Learning to love in a way I never dreamed possible. Leaving all we’d known (again) to start a new life in a new place. Seeing God bless…again. 😉 Learning to love a place I never thought

I could.

Those? Are adventures, too.

The quote above was shared with us by a couple we met while backpacking in Cape Town.

They had taken a year off from life, sold everything, and were seeing the world.

I was envious, I was fascinated, and I clung to each story they shared.

Because a theme emerged…no matter where they were or what the situation…there was an adventure to be had. One that would stretch them, amaze them, teach them. And make them better people.

We spent less than two days with Brad and Dennyse, but I have never forgotten them or the wisdom they passed on to us through this quote and the stories that came with it. It’s a mentality that we, as a couple and now family, have tried to practice.

Adventure is all around us…and it’s all about attitude.

Whether we’re living a crazy life in Southeast Asia or a more “normal” one in the Midwest.

Whether we’re taking a trip to Bali or a drive to the South to see some dear friends.

Whether we’re off on a romantic getaway or a family road trip.

There’s adventure.

Today I woke up. (A little late, but I needed the sleep…) I made coffee, worked out, had breakfast, and got the girl up. She’s finishing her breakfast now, and then we’ll probably play outside and go for a walk while the weather is still beautiful.

Then I’ll get some things done around the house, get a few thank-you’s written (hopefully!), and head to work for a few hours.

It’s normal…it’s life.

But there are adventures even in normal.

And I hope I never, ever forget to find them.

Sig

Here’s To Indonesia

My hubby put this together awhile ago, and I forgot about it

until tonight.

If you were in Indonesia with us, you’ll enjoy it. If you weren’t there, you’ll still enjoy it… and probably want to visit.

Don’t forget

to take me with you!

:)

This is just a mix of pictures…from everything. School, friends, the city, vacations we took…memories we’ll never forget.

Enjoy.

 

Untitled from Tobin Schroeder on Vimeo.

Sig

Remembering

Tonight I got to catch up with this girl.

I love her…we hadn’t talked in probably six months and picked up where we left off.

She’s one of my best friends from Indonesia… my fellow coffee drinker,

my partner in laughing-hysterically-while-getting-stuck-in-the-middle-of-rainy-season-downpours, my purse-loving, shoe-crazy, karaoke-singing, absolutely wonderful friend.

This picture was taken on our last day-of-fun there…together. We talked about that day tonight…about how it was so incredibly fun… and so incredibly sad all at the same time.

I love good times.

And remembering them.

It was good to remember

tonight. :)

Sig

If I Could…

…go back in time and relive one day of my life, which would I choose?

Pardon me while I shamelessly use a blogging prompt today. I spent quite a bit of time writing this morning and have a tired brain.

:)

Regret is a funny thing.

You always hear it in Christian circles…forget the past and press toward

the future. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I do think it’s unhealthy to spend too much time living in the past…it makes the present less than what it should be if we’re always focused on the things that have happened.

Things we wish for and can never have again because time just doesn’t work that way.

God doesn’t work that way.

But if I could go back…there was a day.

In April 2010.

I was still in

Indonesia but only for a few more days. I went to school to spend a few hours saying goodbye to people I knew I needed to have that closure with.

It was hard, and I cried practically the second I walked in the door and saw Laura L.

I spent part of that day having lunch with my former students. We sat on the Big Boat (new and improved, for all you BAIS people ;)) and ate and talked.

It was sweet…like old times.

They filled me in on all the latest happenings in 6th grade, who liked who ;), and where everyone was going for summer break.

They talked about my ever-expanding belly, the baby girl inside, and begged (once again) for me to tell them her name. I wouldn’t.

Then it came time for the bell to ring, and we knew it.

This was it.

I could have cried because inside, my heart was just shattering. But I also knew that if I let those emotions go that I would probably sob uncontrollably, and I didn’t want some of my favorite students ever to remember me that way.

So I let the tears brim but choked down the sobs as we hugged goodbye.

I watched them disappear into the school as I stood on the playground fighting the strange paradox of thankfulness and grief.

I have often thought back to that day and wondered if I should have done things differently.

If it was ok to let them know how much I loved them and would miss them in the form of just letting the tears go.

Honestly, I don’t know if I went back and repeated this particular day that I would change a thing. But I wouldn’t mind going back just so I could hug them all. :)

My Father gives second chances…He has done that over and

over for me. I don’t know what form that might come in, but I believe that He will give me another chance to see these students.

And whenever that is, I’ll let the tears flow.

Truthfully, as painful as parts of my life have been, I have no regrets. There are things that I wish I could change, but I wouldn’t go back and change them because each were stepping stones to bring me to where I am.

And I love where I am.

So if I could go back? I would just want to hug those precious students once more, chat it up again, and enjoy one more lunch with them on the Big Boat.

Sig

Foolish Choices

Yesterday Maelie and I stopped in at the salon

where I get my hair cut. I needed to change my appointment, and since we were driving by, I figured we’d stop in and say hello.

We had to wait a few minutes before the girl who cuts my hair was free, and we weren’t in a hurry, so we kind of just hung out, chatted a bit…you know, what ENFP’s do best.

:)

While we were there, there was a woman paying for her haircut who lo oke

d pretty close to tears. She had super short hair, but it didn’t look bad, and I would never have thought anything of it if she hadn’t look so devastated.

The lady who had cut her hair said something to the effect of, Don’t feel so bad. I know it’s not what you wanted, but it’s looks good.

Of course, whether I was trying to eavesdrop or not, this totally piques the curiosity. (Especially when this is where I get my hair cut!

:))

I didn’t even have to ask, though.

It turned out, this woman, who’d had pretty long hair, had tried to give herself a haircut she saw and liked…and, um…no.

My first thought was, Duh, who does that

? Then I stopped myself, mostly because I’ve taken plenty of snips at my own head, though I’ve never tried to actually give myself a full haircut.

And? I was reminded of a time

when I did something similar…and the consequences were costly.

I was a junior in Bible college, and let’s just be blunt here…I’d bend rules wherever possible. And that included bleaching my hair to a very unnatural shade of blonde. Had I actually bleached it the right way, I would have probably been better off.

But, no.

I used Sun-In.

Every day.

For months.

You can only imagine the horrible shape my hair was in by the time I decided it was time to stop and return to the world of brunette glory.

I made an appointment to get it colored…and let’s give Mel a few points for brains here. At least I didn’t try to color it on my own…I knew better by then.

The day arrived, and I went into the salon. The guy colored it, but once he finished…

He knew.

I knew.

We. All. Knew.

This wasn’t good.

My hair took the color fine, but it was SO dry…SO breaking off.

Really…it was bad.

I had one option left…cut it all.

I ended up with the shortest haircut I’ve ever had…I think all of my hair was an inch long or shorter.

Thankfully, I’m cute and can pull it off. 😉 Just kidding.

For someone to go from shoulder-length, super blonde hair…to boy-short, dark brown hair

? That’s a shock to the system.

I couldn’t look in the mirror for a week without thinking I was seeing someone else.

And for a few hours, I wore a hat, hoping that by covering

that costly mistake that it would somehow be erased.

It wasn’t. (Obviously.) And it’s not like I could hide for very long.

I had to sing at church the very next morning and had classes on Monday…no hats allowed.

So, in my mind, my foolish choice was displayed for the world to see.

It was completely humbling.

And I tell you all of that…of course, because I love a good story, but also because there was a lesson to be learned there. Or more than one lesson…

One of the consequences of choosing to do things my own way.

Yet another on what it’s like to face those consequences with others watching.

And still another about the Grace of my Father and how He salvaged the wreck I had created.

I made a poor decision, and there was a costly consequence…well, at the time. My hair grew back when I actually took the time to grow it out. I ended up loving that haircut and kept it for about a year and half.

Sometimes we mess up… choose to do things our own way and pay for those mistakes.

I am so thankful for a Father Who loves me and extends His mercy and grace to cover those mistakes…and can even make something beautiful out of them.

Yet, while I am thankful for those things, I pray even more that He will keep me from making those foolish choices in the first place.

Amen?

Amen.

P.S. I looked for a good pic of that haircut but couldn’t find one (that’s scanned, anyway). This one was taken after it grew out a bit, but it’s still ok. And you get to see one of my buddies from Peru. Good memories. :)

Sig

Daddy, Mommy, and Maelie

I’ve been wanting to do this for awhile.

When I see Mae right next to her daddy, I always think she looks like

him. Everyone else seems to think the same thing, too.

I didn’t have photos for both of us that were at exactly one year, but these are close enough.

When I look at both of our baby pictures, maybe there is a little hope that there’s some of her mommy in there

somewhere!

Enjoy. :)

First up? The real star of the show…not the greatest shot of her, but it works. Who do you think she looks like

?

Ok, now me…I think this pic is close to 1 1/2 years old. And, yeah, I had a ton of hair.

And the hubby…by the way, Happy Father’s Day, honey!

😀 My guess is that this one is about the same time frame for Tob…but we weren’t really sure.

Sig

Dear Daughter,

14 June 2011

My sweet Maelie,

Today you turned one year old.

It was a day full of laughter and love and memories.

As any special day goes, it seemed too short, and now I sit here on the couch as you sleep peacefully upstairs, wondering where the days have gone.

How can you be one already

?

The day you were born was the best day of my life.

They brought you over to me, and…you were everything I’d ever dreamed of and so much more. I remember how tiny and perfect you felt in my arms and how you snuggled up to me immediately.

I fell overwhelmingly and completely in love.

And somehow that day, exactly one year ago, feels like it was just minutes ago. Time has truly flown.

In between then and now there

were milestones, memories, pictures…all things that will remind us of the days that have passed.

But I have to admit to you that it’s bittersweet to realize that you are no longer a baby but a little girl.

And though I miss those cuddles and close moments, I absolutely adore the little girl you are becoming.

You amaze me each day when you discover something new, laugh at something (or nothing!), give love to those around you, and light up the room simply be being there.

You are truly special, a cherished gift from God.

There are so many things that your daddy and I dream for you, but we know that in the end, your dreams belong to you. The one thing we desire more than anything, though, is that you grow up to love God and serve Him with your life, however and wherever that may be. We pray every day that you will do just that.

And we will continue to pray that every day of your life.

In another short year, I’ll be writing you again, amazed by the fact that yet another year has flown by. I know that there will be more milestones and memories, but at this moment I want to savor here and now.

My sweet girl, you have added so much joy to our lives, and we are so very thankful for you.

Happy 1st Birthday!

I’ll love you forever!
Mommy

Sig

Taking a Break…and Being Honest

I’m going to give myself a break from The Journey tonight and go a different route.

I’ve been wanting to chat about something that’s come up recently, but I sometimes feel like a broken record.

I mean, how long can a person grieve over something?

It’s been a little over a year since I left Indonesia.

When I first left…I was sad.

I missed it, and I

missed my husband more. Those first weeks home were spent anticipating his return and the birth of our daughter…I’m not sure there was a lot of grief over Indonesia mixed in there.

Then Tobin came home…and life was focused on our little girl and getting ready to move to Illinois.

Yes, there was grief…over leaving Minnesota and friends…but not so much about the loss of Indonesia.

And then we moved…and there was a whole new kind of grief… grieving what was no more.

It’s been a year of figuring that out…but also a year of being so incredibly blessed by life as a family of THREE, by new friends, by a new community and church.

Our minds were so busy with those things that we didn’t really think much about Indonesia.

It wasn’t intentional… it just happened.

And somewhere in the last month…grief started to creep in.

There were days when I would try to push it out and ignore the pain, but it wouldn’ t go away.

I’d get on Facebook, see pictures of former students, and my heart would just ache. I’d hear about staff members and what was going on with them…and I longed to be a part it. I saw pictures of the senior banquet…students we love…and we’re not there.

I think I most accurately verbalized my feelings last week when I told Tobin, “When our students are in Indonesia, I feel like we always have the option of going back to see them again…so it’s ok if we don’t miss them too much. But now another class of incredible students is graduating…and scattering. I’m not sure we’ll ever see them again.”

That’s sad…and the reality of a transitory community.

I’ve let the tears drip this week…surprisingly, there have been a lot of them.

They come at random times but never stick around too long.

The ache is there, though…the dull, physical heartache that makes me long for the day when there will be no more goodbyes.

Just where I am today…sad.

But still thankful.

Because grief means it meant something…that it was worth loving and worth hurting over.

I don’ t long

to go back

to life in Indonesia. It was a season, a piece of our lives.

Life is here and now, and for awhile, I will take the time to grieve if those moments hit.

But I’m going to spend far more of my life looking forward and enjoying the blessings God has given me today.

I’m so, so thankful.

Sig

A Journey, Part 2

Denomination: a name or designation, especially one for a class of things.

Denomination.

The word bugs me on so many levels.

Mostly because it creates distinction and designation within the body of Christ,

something I don’t prefer. There is nothing wrong with people who call themselves Baptists, Lutherans, Catholics, etc. It bothers me when those distinctions lead believers to elevate themselves over another body of believers.

I don’t think Christ would have wanted that.

Having a denomination or labeling ourselves is something that Tobin and I have chosen not to do…but we don’t judge those who do. We just prefer the term follower of Christ.

And that’s really where our journey begins. But before I dive into more deep thoughts I want to clarify something.

You might think from some of the things I have written that Tobin and I have disagreed with every church we’ve attended, and that’s not the case. Our last one was Baptist and we loved it.

I’m more referring to the churches preceding that one. On the whole, we disagree with certain things being taught in some churches. ABC…we loved. I simply have nothing negative to say about it, and that’s the truth. And I also can’t lay blame on any one church or college…because life is a series of experiences. There are many good things that were taken from those churches and that college I attended…and also some things that I am choosing to not take away. So please don’t see this as Mel’s bitter revenge but rather as a piece of the journey.

At one time there was some bitterness, but I am choosing to move on from that.

Ok, deep breath.

Tobin and I have said over and over that the most valuable thing we took away from Indonesia was a more open mind. Don’t misread that as us being tolerant of all things now…we simply view life from a different vantage point. We have seen how preferential differences in the body of Christ can be something positive rather than negative. Too often, many Christians believe that anyone who is different is wrong…and that’s not the case at all.

Tobin and I had quite the conversation about LOVE last week, which I eluded to in a previous post.

We’d been talking about how important LOVE is…how we can have so many things, do so many things, believe so many things…but without LOVE, it’s nothing.

LOVE was what Christ showed when he walked the earth, what he demonstrated when he went to the cross, what God showed when he let him

go to the cross.

But I think LOVE is lacking in some Christian circles.

My husband made a comment that has stuck with me for the last week, one that drives home the need for me to continually keep my attitude and mindset in check.

He said, “Because of the way I was raised, my first instinct is to judge rather than love.”

He is trying desperately to change that, and I’ve seen what can come from a human being making that decision.

It’s a blessing to me, my marriage, and my family, but I also thought, Wow. What if we all had that mindset?

Am I loving first

?

Most of the time, no. But I am seeing, firsthand, what it looks like when someone chooses love over judging.

It’s incredible.

So, armed with that LOVE…through, and only through, the power of Christ… we are trying to be follo

wers of him.

Because we’re no longer calling ourselves Baptists, does that mean that we’ve abandoned everything we were taught?

No.

In fact, our core beliefs have not changed.

However, are we following the expectations we experienced as children/teenagers/college students/adults?

No.

We’re learning what it looks like to walk the fine line of finding freedom in Christ without using grace as an excuse

to do what we want. Of being in the world without being like the world. Of making sure that our preferences still follow what God’s Word has to say.

Some of you are probably wondering why I’m even blogging all of this. At times it probably seems like too much information. And maybe I’m doing it more for myself than for others. But I did have the thought the other day that

If I had known me for years and read some of the things I’ve written lately, I’d wonder.

So maybe it’s my attempt to tell you that while some things have changed, I’m still following Christ. I still want that with all my heart.

And I’m trying to love others through it, too.

Sig

A Journey, Part 1

Today I’m going to open up my heart

in a way I never have before.

There will be some raw, tender moments…and I ask that if you choose to read this that you are careful with my heart.

It can’t take being ripped apart right now, especially by someone who has not been in my shoes.

But I do ask that you read what I write…cause that’s why I write it after all!

But if you don’t want to, that’s ok.

And now that I’ve completely contradicted myself? Let’s go.

I once read a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Life’s a journey,

not a destination.”

So profound, and at the same time, so incorrect…at least for me in the place I am right now.

There is nothing wrong with a journey.

In fact, that’s what I’m going to write about today. I want my journey to be important, to matter, to be life-changing.

But as a believer in Christ, I must never, ever forget that it is the destination that is what’s important. And my destination, my true home, is Heaven. But there is plenty to be said for a believer’s journey and the impact he/she can have on earth.

God has taken me (and my husband) on quite the journey this past year, and I want to share it…truly share it…with you. I would be writing for hours upon hours if I attempted to fit it all into one blog post.

So, instead, I’m breaking it up into who-knows-how-many days.

We shall see. :)

This journey is one of faith, of validation, of assurance, of a search for Truth.

You see, my husband and I have been what the world would term Christians for most of our lives. We were both taught at an early age that Jesus died for our sins, that he rose again, and because of this, we could have eternal life in Heaven someday.

We know that…it has been ingrained and implanted in us for years.

We can give you the plan of salvation in a minute flat, Scripture included.

We know the answers for most situations and how to back them up with verses.

We can even flip our way through the Bible faster than most of you can. Ok, ok…so that’s not a fair judgment…I’m just sayin’. :) It’s pretty stinkin’ fast. It would be fun to have a contest sometime, though!

However, a few years ago, things started to shake a little…figuratively. And looking back, we see this shaking as a blessing in disguise.

We realized that we knew SO MUCH…but had no idea why we believed it.

We had been living in a more non-denominational community and were amazed by the things we learned. Forgive me for what I’m about to share…but bear with me.

Because I’m not lying.

The crux of it is that we came to a quite sudden realization that not just Baptists would be in Heaven.

Go ahead and pick yourself up off the floor…it’s ok. So we were kind of (or completely) raised to think we were right, and no one else was.

And before continuing with this thought, you need to know that the idea had been in our minds for quite awhile, though we’d never really talked about it.

The last church we attended in M

innesota was a Baptist church that was balanced and very Biblical. (And pretty amazing, too. Love you all at ABC. :))

However, suddenly we were around Christians from all types of backgrounds and denominations…and these people believed just like we did.

(Well, maybe without all the stuffy rules that we’d been guilted into following for years.) These people were passionate, on fire, and dedicated to loving the Father.

They put me and my rule-following to shame.

Shame.

As we got to know them and realized how much they loved God, we began to feel that we’d been deceived but didn’t know how to communicate that. And so, to a certain extent, we shut down.

And then after Indonesia, we moved to a new place. We knew no one…and we also knew that there was no better place for us to continue this journey.

Because here we were…in our 30’s.

And searching.

For what, we had no idea. But we knew God would show us in His time.

Part 2 tomorrow: Losing the denomination and following Him.

Sig