A Letter to My Girl: Lessons from the Playground
February 9, 2012 by · 1 Comment
February 9, 2012
To my Mae…
Today I watched you play at the new playground at the mall by our house. Oh, we were exc ited to check
it out! They closed it for a few weeks to make it better, and today was finally the day that we could go with some friends! You had so much fun!
What you aren’t fully aware of yet…is how much I observe you while you bop around, exploring anything and everything that piques your interest even a little. Today, while I observed you, I noticed something.
That I could learn a lot from my 5-days-shy-of-being-20-months-old daughter.
You reminded me of JOY. Daily I choose to see the joy in a day, but watching you play brought out more in my heart than I could have imagined was possible. You were completely LOVING every moment (well…most of them, there were a few tears) as you explored and interacted…and smiled. You’re just a smiley kiddo…and everything these days brings out that beautiful smile. Sometimes I forget that JOY can be found in simple things, but you have already learned that.
You keep trying. You know what? It’s easy for your mommy to give up on things sometimes. Today I watched you climb the “wrong” side of the new tree slide, not knowing that it was the wrong side. You’d try and fall…over and over. Instead of getting frustrated, you’d find something else to do and still smile. And when you discovered that there were steps on the OTHER side? JOY! You were so happy to climb up them for a chance to try out the slide. Over and over. 
It may seem small, but you reminded me to persevere, even when things seem difficult.
You handled mean kids with grace. They didn’t mean to be mean…but they were. A couple girls who wouldn’t let you go down the slide. You’d come to me and cry…and that’s ok. I cry sometimes, too. Once a few tears were shed, you were ready to go back and try getting past them. Eventually someone told those girls to stop, and the slide was open again. And you just played again…with so much JOY. No hard feelings.
My daughter, you’re going to meet people like that in life. And when you do, my prayer is that you will exhibit a spirit of forgiveness and willingness to move forward, just like you did today. Your mommy is still working on that one!
I had a wonderful day with you. And though there were definitely tears when we left to go home for a nap, it’s the simple moments like these that I treasure the most. The chance to be out with you, just living life with the daughter I’d always dreamed of having.
You are a dream come true.
And I love you to the moon and back…plus infinity.
Love,
Mommy
Late Night Coffee
February 7, 2012 by · 2 Comments
It’s been far too long since I’ve sat down with a cup of actual coffee while I write.
Tonight, at a quarter to ten, I’m gonna pour myself some and spill my heart…for at least as long as it takes me to drink it. 😉
I’ll let you know tomorrow how late it kept me up…though I’m tired enough that I’m not sure it will make too much of a difference.
Really random…but you know what I looooove? When coffee is at that just-perfect temperature and it kinda burns your throat as it goes down. Yeah, that’s awesome. 😀 (And I think I just solidified in all of your minds that I am a total dork. But, really, that’s ok. If you haven’t at least thought that by now, then you probably don’t know me well enough yet. But you’ll think it soon enough.) 😉
So I know I talk about Mae a lot on this blog…she is the majority of my life, after all. 😉 But it’s been amazing to watch her the last few weeks. Words are turning to sentences, she understands and follows directions, she’s able to tell me when she needs or wants something. It’s all kinds of crazy…and all kinds of happy. I just love her and the little person she is.
Sunday was an especially sweet day of Maelie memories. When I was singing on praise team that morning, I looked out and saw her pointing at me, saying, Mommy! Mommy! Oh, how part of me wanted to run to her and grab her and bring her back up on stage with me! After church, when I finally got to see her, I was walking around with her, and she was passing out hugs to everyone. It was the cutest thing. Then, that night, we went to watch the Super Bowl with some friends, and she was just so full of love and cutie patooty-ness. Really, that’s her every day, but I can brag on her, right?! I just love my girl!
So, barring an actual training program, I started training for my ten mile in May. That translates to hopping on the treadmill and running until I can’t anymore, or in the case of today, running until I’m out of time and have to do something else. I managed to pull a little over four miles, and I was happy with that. Now I need to work on my pace, which can’t be done with our treadmill.
I have finally separated a good treadmill from a not-so-good one…besides price. The good ones actually go faster than 10:00 pace. So I will have to wait til it warms up a little and I can run outside. But it does feel good to keep my running up through the winter. Not sure I’ve ever done that before.
And possibly the best news is that my runner’s knee doesn’t seem to be flaring up as much. I’m trying to keep my distance running to every other day and mix cardio and strength on the other days. That and ibuprofin seem to be helping a lot. Praise God.
By the way, who’s running with me? I’ve got a couple friends…I need a few more. And those of you who don’t run with me
? Should come be my cheerleaders ’cause I’m gonna need ’em!
Ok, I’ve devoted far too much of this to working out…on to new topics.
I’ve been in crazy, I-miss-Indo mode. The other day a friend who is still there told a story on facebook of driving her motorbike, hitting a bump, and her bags of groceries flew off the bike and landed in the river. And a nice, old, Indonesian grandpa-fisherman helped her get them out.
You all laugh…I smile.
And that story actually makes me MISS it.
Almost like I wish it had happened to me!
And all this missing Indo reminds me of home and all that it is. Just a year ago, we weren’t sure what home would look like for us. God was so good…and we got to stay.
We love it here. We are blessed times a million. But when I think of home, I remember that my heart will always have two earthly homes.
There is no way that Indonesia will ever leave my heart. I can rejoice all I want that my house is cockroach-free (HALLELUJAH!!!!) and that I don’t have little lizards popping out of my toaster.
That traffic is, for the most part, orderly, and I can usually get to my destination without stopping to wait for longer than a minute or two. That my grocery store has every possible food I could ever want…and the idea of getting by without brown sugar or Lucky Charms? Is no more.
And yet, the lessons I took away from Indonesia are still there. They have changed me…and are now part of who I am.
And so I guess the word home is relative…no matter if I own my house or not.
The good news? We own our house, and we’re really happy here.
Just a random tangent.
I’m thankful.
It hasn’t been an easy few weeks. Like I said, I’m learning to appreciate winter and the hidden growth that it brings. But at the same time, my heart is heavy and my eyes are puffy and red.
I’m learning that thing I mentioned yesterday. Trust.
I know He is GOOD. And I know that I can trust Him.
And when my heart aches, I can give it to Him, knowing He will hold it and heal it.
That amazes me sometimes.
No, it amazes me all the time.
Well, my coffee cup is empty, and I really should crash for the night.
Thanks for stopping by. You bless me.
Little Blessings (Pt. 21)
February 5, 2012 by · Leave a Comment
My daughter’s newest phrase…belly “butt”. Golly, we laugh hard. Every. Single. Time.
Music. Praising God with people I love.
Random lunch dates that leave me encouraged.
Awkwardly wonderful conversations that I’m sure will make me smile for days.
Seasons. I am learning to appreciate winter…in more than one way.
Super Bowl fun…the friends were the best part.
And the food. Then the football. Not so much the halftime show…
A reason to look forward to Mondays. Got a few of them, actually.
My Father, Who is enough for every thirst and every need.
His precious promises.
Not being able to give up the blog-every-day thing yet…because I needed to count my blessings first.
I Am…
February 3, 2012 by · Leave a Comment
…a procrastinator. I put off everything until the last possible second.
For a writer, this is particularly not-so-good, especially if there is no set deadline. Hence, my Patch article is still. not. done. Guess who’s staying up late tonight?! Sometimes I frustrate myself.
…a wannabe rockstar. Well, maybe not, but dude, this video is awesome. Watch it now. Don’t you just want to keep your guitar in your car so you can sing how many orders of fries you want next time you go through the drive-thru
? I do. Totally.
…having a sugary week. I’ve been really good…and I’ve only caved once or twice. But I. Want. Sugar. I have no idea why it’s hitting this week. On Sunday (my day off) I am totally baking my favorite cake. And eating it all. Mmmmmm.
…enchanted by my daughter. In the last few days, she’s started something new. Repeating everything. And remembering what she says, which surprises me even more. Today in Target I told her we were going to find honey, and you’ll never guess what word she repeated throughout the store. She was looking at total strangers and saying, “Honey! Honey!” It was so adorable.
…glad it’s Friday. Though my days all kind of run together, at least weekends bring fun things like friends and church and praise team. Tomorrow night I am excited to go to the kick-off for my friend, Judah’s, new mission organization he’s starting. Two hours of praise and worship and hearing some of his ideas…I’m really excited. And, of course, the Super Bowl…yay for friends and food! And football, I suppose. 😉
…completely loving the show, Shark Tank. We rarely watch TV at night, but this show is good stuff. I love seeing the creativity and passion of people who want to see their products be the next big thing. If you haven’t seen it, you should. 😉 Friday nights at 7:00 on abc. My only other TV love is American Idol…which we may or may not watch this season.
…going to the grocery store. If I have to go, later on Friday night is the time to do it. So I won’t gripe and complain; I’ll just tell you that my list is short, and I may let myself have a little chocolate when I get home.
…wishing you all a fantastic weekend!
Little Blessings (Pt. 20)
January 27, 2012 by · Leave a Comment
Cuddle time with my favorite little girl. And giggles…lots of giggles.
Ghiradelli dark chocolate chips.
Oh. My. Goodness. They need to sell them in smaller bags.
A ten-mile race in May to train for.
Choosing to see this one as a blessing.
😉
Reminders this week that God is faithful.
Prayer and what a blessing it can be to pray for people I love.
Watching my daughter’s vocabulary continue to explode… new words this week
? Cello (I know!), pinecone, puzzle. (All while pointing to pictures of them. It’s so fun to watch!)
Missing Indonesia a lot today and thinking of so many reasons why I loved it.
Good coffee, good chats, good friends.
Eight hours of sleep…straight.
American Idol auditions…fun to watch and bring back some amazing memories.
Being Held
January 26, 2012 by · Leave a Comment
So yesterday’s mail brought a new ch
apter in Maelie’s life…or at least, the beginning of a new chapter.
The POTTY CHAIR!
(Goodness…I don’t know when I’ll ever be ready for this thing we call potty training!)
Right now, it just sits in the downstairs bathroom, and she’ll sit on it, play with it, haul it into the living room. You know, the things 19 month-olds are supposed to do with a potty chair. 😉
Tonight she was sitting on it and saying, “Potty, potty!” So we did what any intelligent, sure-their-daughter-is-a-potty-training-prodigy, parents do…we removed the diaper and plopped her, cute little naked butt and all, on the chair.
She thought it w as gre
at and giggled and squealed for a couple minutes.
(But, alas, no actual potty.) As we were trying to pick her up to put her diaper back on, she fought us and ended up pinching her finger on something.
Oh, she cried. Squealed. Howled.
She. Could. Not. Be. Comforted.
I finally managed to get the diaper back on, her pants pulled up…and I held her close as she cried. The tears flo wed for several minutes, and
we ended up in the front room on the couch snuggling under a blanket as we shared a pillow.
It’s where she felt safe.
Eventually the pain (must have) lessened because she hopped down for a minute to go play in her kitchen…only to return, running to mommy’s arms, where she snuggled up again for several minutes.
This scenario repeated for probably half an hour…each time, she’d come running to me and want to be held.
What a beautiful picture. And reminder.
It’s been a couple months.
And there is far more meaning to those previous five words than most of you know.
To say it’s been hard, difficult, challenging…only scratches the surface.
Heart-wrenching, tear-stained…are far more accurate.
But those snuggles tonight reminded me that just as Maelie found comfort in her mommy’s arms, I can also always, always find comfort in my Father’s arms.
Even if I leave them to go try something on my own, I know I can always return to be held.
Loved.
Comforted.
When I talk about the last two months, I also need to interject that things are getting better. There’s no such thing as a perfect day, but I have a Hope that is certain…and that? Is comfort.
My Father is so very Good, and He held me and loved me exactly as I needed during that time. And I know He always will whenever I need Him to.
That’s incredible.
What love.
Little Blessings (Pt. 19)
January 21, 2012 by · Leave a Comment
A video camera to record moments like Mae’s first sledding “trip” and her piano “playing”. Love memories.
A daughter who “sings” at the piano and a husband who doesn’t. (Tobin said that…really. :))
A breakfast date with
my good friend and sweet girl.
The fact that I didn’t burn ALL the bac on
on above date.
A first snowboarding lesson, and, other than a sore bum, my body is still intact.
Whew.
Watching my doggies romp in the powdery snow…and come inside with it on their noses. Too cute.
Dropping my phone about six times this week on the marble floor..and, amazingly, it still works.
$5 purse. (Yes, pursE…only onE. ;))
Hugs and kisses from a certain little girl.
Pretty sure there’s nothing better.
Dark chocolate and a friend to share it w
ith.
In My Imperfect
January 20, 2012 by · Leave a Comment
I had a moment today.
The kind I wish
or~~ –>
I could take back, the kind that makes me cringe and shudder.
The kind worth blogging about…for just those reasons.
It wasn’t a bad day…just one tainted by that imperfect
moment when the human in mommy comes out in front of the daughter.
Something happened, and it made me mad.
(Someone hacked my blog again and posted some inappropriate stuff, just so you don’t speculate too much.
:)) A brief phone call trying to figure it out…followed by a few choice words uttered by yours truly.
I’m sure she didn’t hear them, she didn’t repeat them, they didn’t faze her whatsoever.
But they fazed me as I tossed them around in my head, over and over, wondering why I’d chosen them.
A few moments later, I moved on.
Yeah, I said a couple bad words.
A million will judge, and yet ONE loved.
He didn’t say it was ok; he simply died to save me…despite my imperfect.
It was a good reminder today. That I am not perfect. That I will make choices I shouldn’t…and need to accept the forgiveness of which I am so undeserving…and move on.
He is Love, He is Forgiveness, He is Life.
And He is all of those to me though I am imperfect.
Blog Reflection, #2: Recording Moments
January 17, 2012 by · 2 Comments
Not too much wisdom today, just a reflection.
A little one.
I really started this whole blog to have my own space to share my life and moments and the inner workings of my brain.
I’ve definitely done that… 😉
But I’m also so thankful that I chronicled, in detail most of the time, an entire year.
Because my life with Mae was the majority of the year…and so a lot of the things she did and said are recorded now.
(insert evil laugh) Won’t she love me when she’s a teenager?!?!
I also love it that we took lots of pictures of her…especially since somewhere between then and now, she turned into a little girl.
Moments like this one are priceless…and make every late night, every rushed blog post, every.
single. word…worth it.
Completely.
