The Pain…and the Good…of Still

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People who know me well…well, they know a lot of things about me.

And one of them is that me + ferries (as in, the boat kind) don’t get along.

At all.

It really all started back in 2006…and probably before, but I just didn’t know it. 😉

My husband and I were living and working overseas in Indonesia. We did okay financially, but we didn’t have a lot of extra money to do extravagant things often. However, we made it a point to travel over each Christmas break since, at that time of year, it was far too expensive to go back to the States. We had fun…Bali, other parts of Java, the beach.

And one year…Thailand.

Oh, my friend Becky and I had the most incredibly fun time planning that trip. We started in October to be sure that we could find the best possible deals on absolutely everything…from hotels to quick, in-country flights, to even leaving the country.

You see, in Indonesia, non-residents who are residents (if that makes any sense) have to pay every time they leave the country. $100. And on our salary, that was a lot.

But Becky and I discovered that by taking an in-country flight to Batam and, from there, taking a ferry to Singapore, we’d only have to pay $50 each.

Score.

With that, and some good bargain-hunting skills, we managed to book our entire trip…eight flights and two ferry rides per person…for around $350 each. Not bad. :)

We flew into Batam late on a Friday and found a place to crash for the night. The next morning we took a taxi down to the ferry terminal, had some coffee and pastries, and bought our tickets for the ferry.

All was happy happy…because I had ZERO clue as to what was coming. None…

Today I’m over at God-Sized Dreams, talking about seasickness, stillness, and what I learned from it. Join me here? :)

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Five-Minute Friday: Visit

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo for Five-Minute Friday. So, grab a timer, set it for five minutes, and join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write. Then leave some comment love for the person who linked up before you…and anyone else because that’s the fun and the heart of the community!

Today’s prompt: Visit

IMG_4072I can’t believe it’s already been almost four years.

Four years since I clung to him at the airport, seven-month-preggo belly creating distance between our embrace, tears staining my cheeks as I released his hand and stumbled toward immigration alone.

Four years since I said goodbye.

Oh, not to him. He followed me six weeks later, after he’d completed his commitment to the school and just in time for the birth of our sweet Mae.

No, it’s been almost four years since I said goodbye to my other home…the one on the opposite side of the world.

Time flies. Like a jumbo jet across the Pacific…and I have been waiting for the day when we can board one again for a visit.

There have been many, many days when life here…the life we know and love now…has completely enveloped me. He has poured His blessings on, and we have gratefully accepted them. This is a good place, one I’m So. Very. Blessed. to call my home.

But there have also been the days when my heart longs to Visit. To go back and hug the people I love who live so far away, those I said goodbye to as tears brimmed and hearts ached.

And a couple weeks ago, we bought tickets!!!!!!

Can I throw in a late-night, happy dance? I just think one belongs here. 😉

It still feels surreal that, in a short 57 days, (yikes!) the three of us will board a plane. And after a stop in Qatar (who knew? I had to look it up on a map…), our plane will land in Jakarta, and my feet will, once again, step down on Indonesian soil, the dirt happily making its way between my flip-flop clad toes. (In March…be jealous. Very jealous.) 😉

There will be a beach trip, hopefully a little surfing, some BFF time, an exploration of all-things outlet shopping…but mostly?

There will be time to love people…those people I have missed so much that my heart aches over the distance that spans these two countries.

I can’t wait to visit.

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Five Minute Friday

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Behind the Scenes: Insignificant

IMG_0715I’ve shared this photo in this space a few times.

I think it’s cool, and it’s one of my hubby’s favorites, too…in fact, the first time I posted it (the first of about six times…) he commented that he was glad more people were going to see it. 😉

I like it for lots of reasons. Let’s see…I’m sitting by the ocean watching the waves.

I’m in flip flops. :)

Oh, and I have a TAN. (Sorry, it’s January in the Midwest…aren’t we ALL dreaming of the tropics by now???)

Anyway, there’s actually a story behind this photo, too…one that I love to think about, especially when I realize that it’s been FIVE YEARS since this photo was taken. Wowza, time flies.

We were living in Indonesia at the time and had escaped the hustle and bustle of the city for a desperately-needed Thanksgiving break at the beach.

Now some of you might think, Oh, Indonesia. Lots of islands. Lots of beaches.

Yes, that’s true…but it doesn’t mean those beaches are easy to get to, especially when you also live in the middle of mountains. 😉 This particular beach was about a five hour drive…with a little stop to fix a flat tire on the way, too. It was also about 80-100 miles from our home in Bandung…how’s that for travel perspective? 😉

Our time at the beach was full of the kinds of things I like to do on vacation…sunshine, swimming, resting in a hammock, reading, playing games, eating seafood, more sunshine.

It was a good few days to just be.

And I remember, as Sunday afternoon rolled around and we faced leaving and going back to life…a life we loved, but also a life that was exhausting…that I needed a few moments to think.

And so I wandered out to the beach by myself, sat down on the (really, really toasty) sand, and watched the waves crash.

I didn’t know hubby was behind me with the camera, and he snapped a few shots of me as I just sat there and thought.

And what I love about this picture is that I look insignificant.

Tiny.

So very small, compared to the vastness of my Father’s creation.

And that’s exactly how I felt that day, too.

He was doing something so big all around me and in my heart. You wouldn’t know it by looking at that picture, but in that season of life, Tobin and I had finally decided to move forward with adopting. It was scary…a dream we were almost afraid to dream.

And as the mongo waves crashed and I sat there, mesmerized by the stunning view of the rainy weather that would eventually roll in…I was reminded of the beauty that comes with soaking in all that surrounded me.

Just being in his presence was the gift at that moment…and it was almost as if He was giving me a hug, reminding me of His greatness...and reminding me that He can do anything.

Just a few minutes later, we packed up the Kijang and headed out for the long and winding drive home.

Occasionally I’ll look at this picture again…or, ahem…post it on the blog. 😉

I’ll reflect on that season with a sweet sadness as I miss what was and what happened and, also, what didn’t.

And, sometimes…well, sometimes I feel small. Insignificant. But then I remember how BIG He is. (<===Click to Tweet!)

And that I can trust Him with my dreams.

And I whisper thanks. 

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Linking up with two of my favorites today!

On Tuesdays, I hang out with some of my favorite friends at Crystal’s place, where she hosts Behind the Scenes.

Behind the Scenes” is a fun link up where we show those photos – but tell the real story behind them. The sneak peek behind the scenes, a look past the edges of the photo to the real life behind it.

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And I’m also linking up at God-Sized Dreams, with my favorite dreaming sisters!

I hope you’ll join us for the sweet, sentimental, and silly stories that make up our days. :)

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Even in the Small Things: A Guest Post

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I remember the day so clearly, and it wasn’t one of those warm, fuzzy, happy-memory kind of days.

Christmas Eve, 2005. A Saturday.

And we were on the opposite side of the world from our family and friends.

Life and a two-year commitment in Indonesia…but, really, it was all God…had taken us, geographically, about as far from “home” as we could get.

To say that I was in a bad mood that day may be an understatement…and it’s pretty accurate to say that my husband was there, too.

All day long we spatted back and forth. With last-minute shopping and gift wrapping, Christmas music and cookie baking, giving a gift to our house helper, and anticipating the Christmas Eve service filling those hours, it should have been a day full of the joy of the season.

Instead, it was a day of spouting frustrations and complaining.

It seemed, that day, there was a continual focus on all we were missing…from family get-togethers and friends and our church in Minnesota, to really good eggnog, hot chocolate, and snow.

And maybe that makes sense somewhat…it doesn’t mean it’s right, but it makes sense. The holidays can be hard.

They’re hard for missionaries and people who are away from loved ones. They are painful for those who have experienced loss and have empty hearts. They can be lonely and full of reminders of what was.

Probably each of us could place ourselves in one of those categories if we want to.

Sadly, I don’t think it crossed our minds that day to give thanks for the many blessings that surrounded us…

You can go here to read the rest this post.

Friends, today I’m thrilled to be guest posting at my sweet friend, Kim’s space, Winsome Woman. I’ve known Kim through the God Sized Dream Team over the last year, and God even worked things out for us to be Allume roommates for one night. As a bonus, we even got to have coffee at my favorite ever (so far!) coffee shop the next morning. :) She is sweet, kind, and gracious, and I’m so thankful for the opportunity to share on her blog today!

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Behind the Scenes: Surfing in Iowa

I’m a surfer.

I call myself that as I currently sit in the place I call home…the freezing burbs of Chicago. (It snowed yesterday. I’m still not over it.)

But it’s true. I actually surf.

How it happened is kind of funny…it was almost a last-minute, last-day-in-Bali, gotta-do-this-now-or-I’m-never-gonna thing…and after a few major wipeouts, I completely fell in love with all things surfing. This pic is actually from ’07 and is one of my first rides. :)

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I’m well aware of how awesome I look. 😉

After this first ride, anytime we were anywhere near a beach, I would run down, rent a board, and take on the waves.

And it’s probably safe to say that I miss it now. A lot, some days. I haven’t had the chance to go since before I was pregnant with Maelie, though a nice surf instructor at Kuta Beach in Bali did offer me a discounted rate on board rental when I was six months pregnant, with a looks-like-nine-months, belly.

Sigh.

I have to admit that would have been quite the sight…IF I’d been able to actually stand up. :) 

This past weekend, Tobin, Mae and I took an insanely quick, 36-hour trip to Iowa to see his family. We had some good times, more than enough more-than-good food, and managed to pull off surprising his older brother for his 40th birthday. It was fun, it was crazy at times with 22 people all in one house, and Mae soaked up the time with her twelve cousins. (On the way home: I miss my cousins! With wailing.)

On Saturday afternoon, the weather was so beautiful that we headed to a nearby playground so the kids could run off some (or more than some) energy.

Friends, I’m not kidding…when I got out of the car and saw this playground, I couldn’t wait to play. It was that good.

One of the first pieces of equipment we saw (and immediately jumped on) was this…to describe it? Basically as close to surfing as you can get in the Midwest and on a playground. :)

Long, skinny, wobbly, and requiring some good balance to stay on it.

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It went up and down and up and down and I almost fell off once but totally saved it and my former-surfer pride. It was fun and a little tricky, and a great chance to bond with my sisters-in-law, all three of them, as the four of us navigated this piece of playground equipment…I’m still not sure what it was called.

But it was fun…and a happy memory from the weekend.

And, it’s probably as close to surfing as I’ll get for awhile.

What do you think? Should we build one in the backyard for Mae? 😉

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Happy Tuesday, friends! Today is the day when I join some sweet friends at Crystal’s space for Behind the Scenes. We’re sharing the silly and sweet and sometimes-tear-jerking moments that happen behind the camera lens…I hope you’ll take some time and pop over to read some great stories.

Social media and online relationships can make us feel like everyone else has it all together. We’re edited, proof-read, Pinterest-perfect versions of ourselves (or so some might think!) when – in reality? There is an unfinished pile of laundry around the corner. That cute toddler smiling for the camera just had a massive meltdown seconds ago. That yummy breakfast-for-dinner you just showed us on Instagram? It’s because the cat licked the chicken that was supposed to be for dinner.

“Behind the Scenes” is a fun link up where we show those photos – but tell the real story behind them. The sneak peek behind the scenes, a look past the edges of the photo to the real life behind it.

crystalstine.me

 

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Behind the Scenes: An Indonesia Moment

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I let myself go back tonight.

It’s not a place I go often, but I do revisit once in awhile, whether through pictures, video, memories, even reading a random book sent to us by our organization before we even began our journey.

There are times when it’s good for the soul…and just plain good for my heart…to remember.

I know it’s something I’ll never have again.

But I do like to have those moments when Indonesia feels so real again…so close I can almost taste the nasi uduk and gepuk or even the pisang goreng. I can hear the call to prayer, the constant honk of car horns, the little beep of a passing motorbike. I can even smell the not-always-wonderful scents that permeated Jl. Cihampelas during a Saturday drive to CiWalk.

Sometimes I worry that the memories will fade…not just in my heart, but the hearts of others. I think of our sweet pembantu and wonder if she will ever hug my daughter. If we will ever hug her again.

It hurts sometimes.

And tonight, well…I knew I’d go sometime.

I went to the cupboard…and I dug through and found the very last packet of Indonesian coffee, one I’ve literally been saving for a night when I knew I’d want it. (And, clearly, patience was my shining virtue because the expiration date…which I totally ignored…was approximately a year ago. Give or take four months.) 😉

I plopped on the couch…and as I sipped and savored and remembered the many, many mornings when I’d begin a day of teaching 4th grade, coffee mug in one hand, drinking this exact beverage…it was like the memories and moments flooded back into my heart.

It felt like a beautiful, wonderful lifetime ago and at the same time, just a tiny blink spanning then and now, too.

I guess that’s the way it is with memories we hold so deeply…they feel like forever snapshots, ones that we tie into that corner, hoping that our hearts will always be strong enough to hold on.

And as the happy tears fill my eyes…but they only brim, they don’t drip…I give thanks for these moments.

The kind when I can smile and know that it was good.

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Happy Tuesday, friends! Today is the day when I join some sweet friends at Crystal’s space for Behind the Scenes. We’re sharing the silly and sweet and sometimes-tear-jerking moments that happen behind the camera lens…I hope you’ll take some time and pop over to read some great stories.

Social media and online relationships can make us feel like everyone else has it all together. We’re edited, proof-read, Pinterest-perfect versions of ourselves (or so some might think!) when – in reality? There is an unfinished pile of laundry around the corner. That cute toddler smiling for the camera just had a massive meltdown seconds ago. That yummy breakfast-for-dinner you just showed us on Instagram? It’s because the cat licked the chicken that was supposed to be for dinner.

“Behind the Scenes” is a fun link up where we show those photos – but tell the real story behind them. The sneak peek behind the scenes, a look past the edges of the photo to the real life behind it.

crystalstine.me

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A Moment of Love: I Need Your Vote!

Hi, friends! :)

So a pretty cool opportunity came up about a week ago. One that I am already so in love with, I hope it’s something I’ll be able to participate in often in the future.

CausePub is an organization that is putting together a crowd-published book called Couch Rebels…meaning lots of people contributing stories for one publication.

If you have ever traveled abroad or placed yourself in an environment that is uncomfortable from what you are used to, you’re a Couch Rebel. It is within those times of choosing to be uncomfortable that we learn, grow, and experience the incredible things life has to offer… and then tell those stories for the rest of our lives. (causepub.com)

The sale of this book will benefit Blood:Water Mission in Africa, which I think is beyond awesome.

320 million Africans are without access to clean water. For every copy of Couch Rebels sold, the organization, Blood:Water Mission, will be able to provide three people with clean water for one year. The goal of this Cause is to sell 15,000 copies, which means that 45,000 lives can be directly impacted through your participation in this CausePub project! (causepub.com)

And I’m thrilled to have the chance to participate!

I’ve submitted the following story, but in order to be part of this publication, I need your help! Would you consider stopping by here to read and vote for it? Thanks so much! :)

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There are those moments in life that leave an imprint forever; this is one of them.

My husband and I spent five years living and working in Indonesia. Life there…well, it differed drastically from what we’d always known, and many of those differences were good.

They were differences we embraced.

But there was one…one that was so in-my-face and obvious; wherever we went, there were so many people in need.

In every facet of life, it seemed, there were people hurting…from those with housing needs to being hungry; and others unable to send their children to school or lacking the funds for desperately needed medical care.

And then there were people in the kind of need I’d never seen before…

To read more of this story and vote for it, please click here.

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Embracing the Chaos: A Guest Post

Hi, friends!

Today I’m super excited to be writing over at my sweet friend, Kristin’s place, The Riches of His Love.

I met Kristin through the God-Sized Dream team, and she was kind enough to let me share a piece of my heart in her space. I hope you’ll take some time to hop over here to read about the crazy and the chaos (and also the lessons) that came from driving a motorbike in Indonesia. 😉

And maybe from crashing into a few bushes, too…

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You’re totally curious now, aren’t you?

😉

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Behind the Scenes: Sammy

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Aaaahhhh, Sammy.

Meet one of my two “boys.” :)

And behind this picture…more stories than I can possibly begin to tell you.

I could tell you that the reason we have him is because he and I fell in love one night in a pet shop in Bandung, Indonesia and how I had to take him home in a taxi…and how the taxi driver charged me double for the simple reason that he didn’t like dogs and he could.

I could tell you about the utter heartbreak we experienced when he was stolen from us and missing for six days…and how we paid a ransom, literally, to get him back. (That story is in the book… ;))

But today, I’m just going to tell a bit of the silly and sweet of this crazy, lovable, completely loyal pooch named Sammy.

We tell people that he is our Indonesian dog, which is true. Andre is from America, Sammy is from Indonesia

and I kind of think it’s cute that it ended up that way.

Sammy has been, from day one, all kinds of mischievous and loyal and ornery and loving, rolled up into one, big, lion-ish golden retriever with Really. Big. Paws.

No joke.

For years we’ve found it hilarious that he will lie in the direct sunlight when it’s HOT out, and take a nap.

That would be what he’s doing in this particular photo. 😉

Andre is usually lying nearby in the shade because he gets that lying in the sun is…well, it’s HOT.

Especially when you have golden retriever fur.

Not that I would know…I’m just imagining here. :)

He would do it on a daily basis when we lived in Indonesia. (Read: when the temperatures were pushing 95 or 100.)

We would watch him and think he was crazy as we still-sweated in our not-outside-in-the-sun living room. Yet a good part of his days were spent basking in the glorious (and did I mention HOT?!) tropical sunshine.

Maybe he was soaking up all he could because he knew eventually we’d stick him on a plane bound for the Midwest. And snow. Which he loves, by the way..

The truth with this dog is that he’s always been a little odd.

The first time we offered him ham, he wouldn’t eat it. What dog turns down meat?

His first interaction with Andre, as a twenty-or-less pound puppy, began with him trying to jump on top of our poor, confused, American dog. We still laugh about that.

He always has to have something in his mouth…usually in the form of a stuffed animal. (And he will steal one of Maelie’s if he can’t find one of his four or five.)

He still lives to greet us at the door in his usual, run-full-speed-and-almost-knock-us-over, manner…whether we’ve been gone for a week or two minutes.

The truth is, this crazy dog wormed his way into our hearts immediately…

And we love him like the crazy that he is.

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It’s Tuesday, and this link up at my friend, Crystal’s place is becoming one of my favorites. It’s pretty sweet (and sometimes tear-jerking, so bring tissues) to read the stories that come with the photos of life…especially the photos where there’s so much more going on than what we see.

Social media and online relationships can make us feel like everyone else has it all together. We’re edited, proof-read, Pinterest-perfect versions of ourselves (or so some might think!) when – in reality? There is an unfinished pile of laundry around the corner. That cute toddler smiling for the camera just had a massive meltdown seconds ago. That yummy breakfast-for-dinner you just showed us on Instagram? It’s because the cat licked the chicken that was supposed to be for dinner.

“Behind the Scenes” is a fun link up where we show those photos – but tell the real story behind them. The sneak peek behind the scenes, a look past the edges of the photo to the real life behind it.

Take some time and come on over to check out the silly and sweet of what goes on behind the camera lens…I promise you’ll leave smiling.

crystalstine.me

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Behind the Scenes: It Broke Me

There are things in life that change us forever.

And this is my story of one of them.

IndonesianManI remember the man.

Not this man…no, this is not my photo.

As my husband put it, There are just things we didn’t feel that we should photograph.

After all, why take a picture of something that made such an indelible, permanent, imprint in our minds and on our hearts?

The man, though…there was just no way we could forget him.

For the first time we saw him, it was shocking.

He didn’t have any legs.

And we’re not talking leg-loss, below-the-knee…no, he didn’t have any part of his legs at all. When a car would drive by with a handout, he would use the strength of his arms to pull himself near the curb where he would hold up his dirty, paper cup and hope for enough coins or even a paper bill to make a difference that day.

We grew accustomed to seeing him and would always have a Rp 1,000 bill ready…about enough to buy him noodles or rice.

Tobin would stretch down from the driver’s window to make sure the money made it into the cup.

It was a tiny way we could help.

But it never got easier to see him. Never.

There was a piece of my heart that always wondered what his story was…too many circumstances prevented me from ever finding that out.

But there was an even bigger piece of my heart that just shattered all over the broken sidewalk where he made his home during the days. That would happen when we’d pass him or any of the many people like him.

The man in this photo reminds me so much of the man we saw so often…because I look at his picture and I wonder what his situation is.

I wonder if he can walk or even get around without someone to help him.

I wonder if he even has someone to help him.

I wonder his story and if there’s a family or a friend…someone, anyone who might love him.

There are stories like this all over the world, not just in Indonesia…but everywhere. Even, literally, around our corners.

It’s true…broken is everywhere, and it comes in many forms. This man’s brokenness was more obvious that some, but the truth is that, in some way, we’re all broken.

Sometimes pictures are hard to look at, and the stories behind them even more difficult to hear.

But I know how this man…and the crippled man on Jalan Pasteur and the too many children with empty eyes and the hundreds, even thousands, of others….changed my heart.

Yes, they broke it, too…but they changed it at the same time.

Or, maybe, my Father used them to change it.

I still struggle with how it’s possible to love everyone.

It’s not.

But I can love the people who are around me, those God brings into my life…and that looks different with every person.

There’s no “how-to” with Love…it’s just simply a choice. And it’s one I want to make every day.

That’s the story behind why I posted this photo…

Thank you for taking the time to read it.

(Special thanks and photo credit to Eki Akhwan of Bandung Daily Photo. Used by permission.)

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It’s Tuesday, and one of my favorite link up days! My friend, Crystal, invites us all to her space to share the real of life behind the photos that make up our days.

Social media and online relationships can make us feel like everyone else has it all together. We’re edited, proof-read, Pinterest-perfect versions of ourselves (or so some might think!) when – in reality? There is an unfinished pile of laundry around the corner. That cute toddler smiling for the camera just had a massive meltdown seconds ago. That yummy breakfast-for-dinner you just showed us on Instagram? It’s because the cat licked the chicken that was supposed to be for dinner.

“Behind the Scenes” is a fun link up where we show those photos – but tell the real story behind them. The sneak peek behind the scenes, a look past the edges of the photo to the real life behind it.

I hope you’ll hop over and read some incredible stories of the things that take place behind the camera lens.

crystalstine.me

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