Living the Adventure, Telling the Stories
My hubby put this together awhile ago, and I forgot about it
until tonight.
If you were in Indonesia with us, you’ll enjoy it. If you weren’t there, you’ll still enjoy it… and probably want to visit.
Don’t forget
to take me with you!
This is just a mix of pictures…from everything. School, friends, the city, vacations we took…memories we’ll never forget.
Enjoy.
Untitled from Tobin Schroeder on Vimeo.
Tonight I got to catch up with this girl.
I love her…we hadn’t talked in probably six months and picked up where we left off.
She’s one of my best friends from Indonesia… my fellow coffee drinker,
my partner in laughing-hysterically-while-getting-stuck-in-the-middle-of-rainy-season-downpours, my purse-loving, shoe-crazy, karaoke-singing, absolutely wonderful friend.
This picture was taken on our last day-of-fun there…together. We talked about that day tonight…about how it was so incredibly fun… and so incredibly sad all at the same time.
I love good times.
And remembering them.
It was good to remember
tonight.
Ok, if you read this,
you are obligated to leave a comment.
Now that I’ve completely guilted you…
Seriously, don’t feel like you have to, but I would love some input.
(I’m kind of hoping that input will give me some ideas.)
I’m working on my book…a collection of short stories/lessons I learned from my time in Indonesia.
Some are funny, some are serious,
some are emotional, etc.
I’ve got a really good start (more than a start, actually) on it but am beginning to feel repetitive…and possibly boring.
Since I talk about Indonesia often on the blog, I’m wondering…
What kinds of stories would you like to read
? (Because I know if you read my blog, you’ll want to buy my book!!!)
Is there anyone I’ve mentioned th at deserves
a chapter?
An adventure or experience I’ ve talked about
?
Or maybe just some generic ideas…the things I will miss, or NOT
miss, etc.
Don’t make me beg you…but, please…HELP!
And thanks.
…go back in time and relive one day of my life, which would I choose?
Pardon me while I shamelessly use a blogging prompt today. I spent quite a bit of time writing this morning and have a tired brain.
Regret is a funny thing.
You always hear it in Christian circles…forget the past and press toward
the future.
Things we wish for and can never have again because time just doesn’t work that way.
God doesn’t work that way.
But if I could go back…there was a day.
In April 2010.
I was still in
Indonesia but only for a few more days. I went to school to spend a few hours saying goodbye to people I knew I needed to have that closure with.
It was hard, and I cried practically the second I walked in the door and saw Laura L.
I spent part of that day having lunch with my former students. We sat on the Big Boat (new and improved, for all you BAIS people ;)) and ate and talked.
It was sweet…like old times.
They filled me in on all the latest happenings in 6th grade, who liked who ;), and where everyone was going for summer break.
They talked about my ever-expanding belly, the baby girl inside, and begged (once again) for me to tell them her name. I wouldn’t.
Then it came time for the bell to ring, and we knew it.
This was it.
I could have cried because inside, my heart was just shattering. But I also knew that if I let those emotions go that I would probably sob uncontrollably, and I didn’t want some of my favorite students ever to remember me that way.
So I let the tears brim but choked down the sobs as we hugged goodbye.
I watched them disappear into the school as I stood on the playground fighting the strange paradox of thankfulness and grief.
I have often thought back to that day and wondered if I should have done things differently.
If it was ok to let them know how much I loved them and would miss them in the form of just letting the tears go.
Honestly, I don’t know if I went back and repeated this particular day that I would change a thing. But I wouldn’t mind going back just so I could hug them all.
My Father gives second chances…He has done that over and
over for me. I don’t know what form that might come in, but I believe that He will give me another chance to see these students.
And whenever that is, I’ll let the tears flow.
Truthfully, as painful as parts of my life have been, I have no regrets. There are things that I wish I could change, but I wouldn’t go back and change them because each were stepping stones to bring me to where I am.
And I love where I am.
So if I could go back? I would just want to hug those precious students once more, chat it up again, and enjoy one more lunch with them on the Big Boat.
Ok, so my goal when I woke up this morning was not to de-clutter my life. Really, I promise.
That’s mostly because I hate to clean.
But last night, something made me sad.
See this?
Tobin and I bought this little travel cribbage board at a tiny beach shop in Santa Barbara, CA, on our first anniversary trip. We both liked to play and only had a bigger board that really shouldn’t be hauled everywhere we went.
We paid around $4 for it, put our initials on the back of it, and had
Absolutely. No. Idea.
the history that this tiny, $4 board would make.
We took it all over the world with us.
That cribbage board has been in more Starbucks than you have, probably. It’s been on the sand of Camps Bay Beach in Cape Town, South Africa. We always took it with us to a little, tiny hole-in-the-wall restaurant on Jl.
Cimbeleuit close to our first house in Indo where we’d go for noodles, strawberry juice, and fried ice cream. We played it in a little cafe in Amsterdam that served probably the best pastry I’ve ever had in my life. It’s been in countless airports (oh, wait I counted them!) as we passed hours upon hours of waiting for flights. It’s been the cause of a few arguments when one of us whomped the other in a skunked game.
It’s even made its rounds during the last year here in Illinois…during those first lonely weekends when we just had each other, we’d go find a Starbucks or Caribou and play cribbage while Mae napped.
It’s special. It’s a piece of us…and last night, we realized it was gone.
And while it’s just a thing, losing it hurt.
More than we admitted to each other.
Our first reaction was…it’s almost like this is, strangely, the way it should be. After being a “friend” as we traveled the globe, it figures that we’d lose it the week after we bought a house!
Our only inkling of where it might be was possibly in one of my purses.
Which is really not helpful if you know how often I switch the bag I’m carrying. But after looking everywhere ELSE, I knew what I needed to do.
Clean out the purse closet.
Glory be…you really have no idea the task that I undertook when I started this today.
I will not show you any pictures.
I will not tell you how many purses I cleaned out.
I will not even tell you about the things I found in some of them because…and I was joking about this with a friend through texting tonight…I think I might need therapy after the rawness of my emotions at seeing some of the things that had found their way into the hidden nooks in those bags.
Some of those things had me in tears, especially the goodbye notes I found from friends when I left Indonesia. (Definitely worth finding…but, nothing like a good cry.)
I cleaned purse after
purse, bag after bag.
I made three piles
: the I-don’t-care pile; the I-care-enough-to-give-away-to-someone-I-love pile, and the either I-use-and-or-like-this-bag or I’m-not-ready-to-sever-the-emotional-ties-with-this-bag pile. The last pile is the one that is still hanging in the newly cleaned purse closet.
And you’ll be happy to know that the first two piles make up at least half of my former bag/purse collection.
Friends, we are making progress.
So, if you need a bag/purse and have an idea what you want, chances are I probably have it and am willing to give it to you. Seriously.
And part of me knows that I’m really not done sorting through all of my purses. I just can’t get rid of them all at once…but it is a start.
And I’ll take it.
Oh, and I almost forgot.
I found the cribbage board. In the
Very. Last. Purse.
😀
So, in general, I’m a pretty upbe
at person.
I think that’s mostly because I’m an extrovert, energetic, and tend to do crazy things that most people don’t do. Those things (aka: energy) often translate as being happy/upbeat.
I guess that’ s a good thing.
Tonight I was chatting with a friend about happiness, and a few thoughts stuck in my mind. So much that you get to read about being happy instead of a week in pictures…we’ll save that one for tomorrow.
😉
For a long time I struggled finding contentment in day to day life.
This happened mostly once I got married.
Life settled into a routine, and I needed things that would keep it interesting. I guess I get bored easily? A few years later, we headed to Indonesia, which definitely kept life entertaining… and full of surprises, so it was never boring.
Then we moved back…had a baby, moved to a new place, basically started over…and had a year full of change.
Now we are just days away from closing on this house.
It’s exciting, overwhelming, and slightly scary to think about such a commitment.
This is going to be life. And don’t misunderstand me…I love my life.
But sometimes, on those boring days when it seems that routine is trumping fun and spontaneity, it’s easy for me to slump into a short depression.
I’m realizing now, more than ever, that on some days, happiness will need to be a choice I make.
And even if I’m not feeling it, I’ll need to choose to be joyful because of the many ways that I’ve been blessed. And on those happy days when the joy is just bursting, I need to soak up every second of it…and probably spread it to others. (Which usually happens, whether they want it or not!)
I also realized that part of happiness is being content with the stage of life I am in.
I’ve had a few good cries lately…weeping.
Literally. (My eyeliner ran…the stuff that lasts all day and can usually handle a cry or two.)
I saw some pictures from Indo that just tugged on my heart, and I sobbed over those people and places that were such an integral part of my life. Tears fell for a time in my life that I can never have again.
The time that was so good, so hard…and so full of memories.
Some days I want Indonesia back…but I still want my life now, too. Funny how we always want more…it seems that way, anyway.
I don’t apologize for crying over Indo…but I do know that I need to appreciate and love each piece of life while choosing to live in the present. Maybe for me, that means not looking at so many pictures of then and focusing on taking snapshots of now. Maybe it means not writing about it so much. (Though I am already working on my book on Indonesia, so we’ll see how that goes.) It definitely means focusing on the many blessings that surround me.
I’m ending this post even though it seems slightly incomplete.
Maybe I’ll finish it another day.
Just my thoughts and where I am tonight.
Love you all.
So I’ve talked for ages about actually making a bucket list.
Have I done it
?
No. Mostly because I am a huge procrastinator carefully thinking it over.
😉
If I could write one at this moment, it would probably include a mix of traveling, music, and writing, although I can’t pinpoint exactly what I would put on that list… most things, anyway.
Except for the one of the things I’ve wanted to do for years.
Write a book.
I’ve actually written one already, but I’m nowhere near happy enough with it to actually put it in the hands of strangers.
Plus, life changed a lot in the seven years since I wrote it. I’ ve gone back and forth about how I could possibly write a book about Indonesia, and ha
ve always had doubts.
There are already way too many travel books out there, I’m not the most educated person when it comes to Indonesian culture, and who would want
to read about my life? And, really, the list could go on.
But today I had a breakthrough…I think.
I can’t wait to tell you more about it…I hope.
But the idea I have…I love.
So, now I’m off to write in the land of non-blogging.
Wish me luck!
Time is a funny thing.
Sometimes days stretch out, and the hours seem endless. Like those that are just long…when Maelie won’t nap, and it seems like 5:30 will never come so I can have a bit of relief.
Other times it flies. We blink and, suddenly, a year (or more) has passed, and we wonder things…like where our last year in Indonesia went or how our tiny little girl became an (almost) walking, talking toddler.
And no matter what happens with time, it seems like there’ s never enough of it.
We made a quick six hour trip to Janesville today
to visit some dear friends who are home for the summer and about to head back to Indo. We saw them a few weeks ago but wanted to see them again, and today was really the only day that worked for all of us. It was so good…to talk, laugh, process, and pick up a friendship where it left off.
It means so much that they still want to be part of our lives…even though we’re on opposite sides of the world.
Toward the end of the evening, Mae was hanging out with Tobin, Gregg, Noah, Jana, and Amie, and Janine and I were having coffee and talking on the patio, and we ended up having one of those deep, I-have-so-needed-this, conversations that happen very rarely. It was a moment I wanted to hang onto forever and prayed that God would multiply the minutes.
Of course, those minutes flew…and it was time to go.
So we hugged and said our goodbyes… and that was it.
Not enough time…that’s how I’ m feeling after today.
I didn’t really cry until we pulled away, but even now the tears brim and threaten to stream down my face.
I guess with friends who have walked a path so unknown to most of the people in our lives, there will never be enough time.
Just memories and experiences…and the Fa
ther who holds us all together.
And those things have to be enough.
I saw the moon.
Then I sang that little song to myself in the version that
I know.
(Actually, I belted it out for the neighborhood to hear; thankfully I don’t think anyone did.)
I see
the moon and the moon sees me,
The moon sees someone that I’ d like to see.
God bless the moon and God bless me,
And God bless the someone that I’ d like to see.
And that’s when the tears welled up in my eyes.
Because as I was staring up at the moon,
I realized something.
There’s a crazy time change and large amounts of daylight here right now, so the moon isn’t shining here at the same time it’s shining in Indo.
Sad.
I miss my Indo friends…and can’t wait to hug them.
Soon, I hope.
G’nite.
Ok…so I know I promised to tell you all about Tobin’s fabulous birthday gift. And I will…tomorrow.
Today? We get to go deep.
It’s about time.
Th is
is something that’s been burning in my heart for awhile now, and a conversation with a friend last
night kind of sparked it again.
I don’t pretend to have this all figured out…it’s just w here
I am for now. And I would love your thoughts if you feel like leaving me a comment or sending me a private e-mail.
We have often said that the things we took away from Indonesia are almost impossible to put into words.
Tobin and I know how much we changed in so many ways, and we probably aren’t even aware of some of the changes still. Yes, it has been a year, but a year to “re-enter” after five years of being gone is not so much time.
But here are a few things…
We’re aware of the “stuff” mentality. That doesn’t mean we don’t struggle, but we do know that we need to be aware. After three years of marriage, we sold our house, cars, and most of what we had. Other than storing maybe 1/4 of what we owned, we got rid of everything else.
And the amount we got rid of? Ridiculous. In Indo, we accumulated, but not nearly as much. We ended up bringing home about the same amount that we took plus a couple extra suitcases…not bad for five years. But last August, when we went through all the things we had in the States, we were overwhelmed by the amount of stuff we still had. That’s kind of our new goal… to watch how much we accumulate.
And to not let things pile up. I still don’t have it figured out perfectly…just ask me and my purse closet. 😉 But after being around people who had so little, we are continually reminded that we don’t need a lot to be happy.
We value relationships more.
There’s a richness in that selflessness that I don’t see as often here, though it does exist…and I know people who completely value their family and friends and will do anything for them.
I have struggled through this lesson because of the dynamic of the family in which I was raised, but I am learning to value the relationships that I have with friends…and to be as selfless
as possible when it comes to them. Them first, me last. Like I said, workin’ on it. Not there yet.
Home is temporary. You’ve heard me talk about this before on the blog…about how much I’ve struggled to feel like I have any sort of home at all. Living in transition will do that to a person. As a believer in Jesus Christ, I know that my true home is Heaven and that anything else is just temporary. But while on earth, our human nature is to want that place that is ours. And it’s ok to feel that way…as long as we don’t get so attached to a place that we’re unwilling to leave if God says, “Go.”
Along with that, I’m learning to keep my hands open with the future.
Truly, Illinois was a gift to us, one that we did not understand the magnitude of at the time it was given. Here we have found healing, growth, a chance to start over, amazing friendships, a great church…the list could continue. But this is life for the here and now.
God could send us again…and we need to be willing to go if that happens. To be completely human and transparent, that thought breaks my heart in half right now. But we also know, from seeing it over an over again, that if God sends us, He will give the strength to do what we need
to do.
Possibly the biggest thing we took away from Indonesia was that GOD IS BIG. He is not some being who fits into a tiny box…He’s at work all over the place, and having the chance to actually see what He’s doing in remote places changed our lives forever. It gave us a different picture, a different understanding of the world and of our Father…the same One we learned about as little children. Society, in general, today seems so focused on whatever-works-for-you-is-good.
No.
That’s not how it’s supposed to be.
There is only ONE God.
And He’s BIG enough for everyone.
And I could keep going, but I think this is a good start. I’d love your thoughts if you’ve got something to say or something to share.
Thanks for reading.
Follower of my Father. Wife to Tobin. Mama to my Mae and Mac. Friend. Writer. Dreamer. Lover of adventures. Throw in some coffee, chocolate, running, music, and that's me. I fill this space with the real of my heart and life as I dance through my days with one hand holding my daughter's (or my son's, if I can keep up with him!) and the other holding my coffee mug. Welcome! I hope you'll stay awhile.
