Caffeine, How I Love Thee…

May 8, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Let me count the ways.

Ok, ok, enough. 😉

Tomorrow I’ll be serious again and write about why it stinks to hold on to a grudge…and how I’m learning to let go of some things.

But today, I’m just up for caffeinated chit-chat. We’ll see what comes up. :)

We were blessed with gorgeous sunshine for all of the morning and part of the afternoon. Though I have to admit that I didn’t necessarily feel up to it, I forced us out of the house, and Mae and I took a walk to the park. She loves the one that is close to us and, for the most part, the playground equipment is just her size.

She played happily for a good 20-30 minutes, and then we headed home for her favorite snack and a nap. T’was fun.

I’m dragging today…was up a bit later than usual last night thanks to my Monday night workout. Something about getting my heart rate going for so long that late at night makes it almost impossible for me to sleep before midnight on those nights, though I do think I crashed around 11:30 or so.

Still…ugh.

It was hard to find the energy to get up this morning. (Insert three cups of coffee.) Sigh.

So I’m kind of in a weird mood and spent the last half hour or so looking at old Indonesia pictures. (Well, not that old.) 😉 It surprises me how much the ache that fills me is so familiar…almost like the pain of missing it will never leave. It is just forgotten for long stretches, but when it returns…oh, boy. I had myself a good little cry, and then smiled.

No use in crying over something that was mostly pretty wonderful. And really, it was just a tiny slice of life in the grand scheme of things.

I’ve been thinking about that lately…about how each step leads to the present and how, though those steps seem important…and they ARE…they really are just a microscopic part of God’s plan for each of us.

I love where we are right now, and soaking up the blessings of being “home” is easy at the moment. But as we were driving home from Minnesota a few days ago, I let my mind go to this place that I hardly EVER go.

What if He asks us to go again?

Thinking that question usually involves a lot of head-shaking and eye-squinting and heart-reassuring that we’re here for good.

But I guess I don’t really know that.

It boils down to obedience…and keeping my heart in the place where I’ll listen to Him when He speaks. But I also know that my God gives good things to us when we desire His best, and He knows what I desire. So I trust that He’ll give me just that and let me stay.

I have no idea why I went on that little tangent, but hey…it’s life.

And my life is full of thinking and processing, so sometimes weird things spill onto the pages of this place. Hee hee.

😀

Speaking of giggles, I found a few fun pictures while browsing Indo-life…I thought you might enjoy them. I seriously smile despite the quirkiness of a couple of these. I’m so thankful for the five years of crazy and wonderful and mixed-up and blessed that we were given in the land of nasi and motorbikes and sweet people.

Aaaahhh.

It did my heart good to do some reflecting.

Ok, the pics. Enjoy. :)

I forgot we had these. Can we say CRAZY hair day? (Really, that’s what day it was.) But this was mostly Tobin, because I? Can totally rock the Princess-Leia-meets-polka-dots look any day. 😉

This paradise was ours for four days…seriously. We booked a hotel that was incredibly cheap because it had just opened and apparently no one knew about it yet. We stayed in this brand-new, five-star gem for around $25 a night and had the place to ourselves. Can we say Happy 5th Anniversary?!?! It was oh-so fun. :)

This picture completely cracks me up. One year on Indonesian Independence Day, August 17, our school hosted a community celebration with all of the traditional games. This one involved tying a string with a nail on the end of it to the back of your pants. Then, squatting, you had to get the nail into a glass soda bottle, pick the bottle up between your legs without the nail coming out, and run to the finish line. I am the second from the left (barefoot…big surprise!) and was the proud runner-up. Oy… 😀 

And this would definitely be included a perfect day…sitting on the beach. Preferably this Indonesian one. With some coffee and friends. :)

Just a few fun, incredibly random, memories…thanks for stopping by the blog today!

Sig

Filed Under: barefoot, blessings, friends, Indonesia, just life, random, remembering, where I am

Sara’s Story

May 3, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Last September a friend of mine passed away. I’d been faithfully reading her blog for quite awhile, and she was truly one of the most inspiring people I’ve ever known. Even if I never met her.

Because that’s how this works…I feel like I know my sisters and friends through the things they write. Even if we never actually get to exchange hugs in person.

Last weekend, as part of the (in)RL conference, (in)courage featured Sara’s story…the story of this sweet friend. They have graciously made it available to everyone because they believe…and so do I…that it’s something everyone should see.

It’s a bit lengthy…around 30 minutes…but I promise you. I PROMISE. You won’t regret it and it WON’T be wasted time. I think it’s life-changing. (But, I warn you, have tissues ready.)

Enjoy. :)

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, friends, remembering, writing

Let’s Talk

May 1, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

About…well a lot of things.

There’s a lot that’s gone unprocessed in this heart. Not sure how much I feel like sharing, but hey, we can at least start. :)

I really like coffee. Like THAT is news to any of you! So, yes, though it is late-ish, I am most definitely sipping the brew with some yummy cinnamon creamer. Happy, contented sigh.

Poor Mae has been fighting a cold all week. My momma heart was so sad for her, especially yesterday, when she was so clingy and looked completely miserable. I took the safe route and took her to the doctor, sure that she had bronchitis because her cough was so bad.

Nope. Just a cough.

It always happens that way, doesn’t it? Had I not taken her? I’m sure she’d have pneumonia.

I guess it’s better that I took her and made my wallet $30 thinner. At least we know and she’ll be healthy for the weekend road trip.

We’re jetting…well, technically, Dodge Caravanning…outta here Thursday night to head up to the Twin Cities to see Tobin’s family. And, of course, squeezing in some friend time. And, I think, a mandatory visit to Cafe Latte, even if it’s just for a slice of cake with two forks. Mmmmm…that is most definitely on my trip-to-Minnesota wish list. Along with dinner with some of our close friends, including Maelie’s middle-namesake. We can’t wait to hug them. :)

There will be lots of good grandma and grandpa time, and then we’ll make the drive home on Sunday, probably leaving sometime in the morning.

Though I love seeing parts of our former lives (golly, that sounded weird. sorry ;)) it is nice to be home. There’s a little slice of my personality that revels in the normal and familiar. That COULD be a shock to some of you. It certainly is to me!

So you know how I raved about the book, The Hunger Games? Three of my friends are finally reading it (two have finished), which means…………..yaHOO! People who will go see the movie with me! I think we have a tentative date for sometime next week.

Pretty exciting stuff!

In all of Mae’s sickness :( and clingy issues in the past few days, we’ve spent far too much time in front of the TV, cuddling. This mommy, who totally loves her girl, can still only take so much Sesame Street and Blues Clues and even Little House on the Prairie…true. (So we did lots of story reading, too!)

But when we were (both) sick of all of that, we resorted to watching You Tube clips…there’s a lot out there. I enjoyed some nostalgia as I browsed through old favorites. In keeping with my daughter’s love for Sesame Street, I’ll share this one with you.

Oh, how much I love this song. It was a sweet reminder of childhood…the days pass too quickly. :)

Thanks, y’all for stopping by the blog tonight! Love you bunches.

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, coffee, friends, just life, Maelie, travel, where I am

(in)RL: I Heart Community

April 30, 2012 by · 4 Comments

I’ve talked about (in)Real Life a lot lately. And I’m going to talk about it again. :)

Just today. Promise. :)

It’s just that it was SO. SO. Incredibly. GOOD.

Here’s the thing. When I signed up for it ages ago, I was pumped to meet fellow (in)courage readers and bloggers…and just make some new friends. That’s totally the ENFP in me. Truly all about relationships.

But I also knew I couldn’t host a meet-up, though I did consider it. Too many factors weighed in on that one, and to top it off, I had committed to leading a workout that morning just a few hours before it kicked off. I watched the meet-up lists for weeks, sure that one would be happening at least somewhat close to me.

It didn’t happen, and I was disappointed. I knew that if I attended one of the closest ones to me, it still meant more than an hour of driving one way, and I didn’t have it in my day.

Instead, I mentioned it to a friend.

I’ve got an awesome community of girlfriends here. Oh, they’re like coffee with extra-yummy creamer on a gloomy, rainy day. They just make my life better, sweeter, and more alive. But the one thing we don’t have in common is blogging. Some of them enthusiastically read my blog, and I so value that they show their love to me in that way. But they don’t follow other blogs, and so I knew they didn’t completely understand what a huge part of my life this place called (in)courage is.

But I opened it up anyway, asking if any of my friends would like to join me.

And two of them did!

Our day looked different from most (in)RL meetups. We already knew each other.

But we still brewed the coffee, ate some awesome food, kicked up our feet…

And something happened that day.

We walked away knowing each other’s hearts better. Because let’s be honest…we all have joys and sorrows and need those people to love us and pray for us and just be there for us.

I’ve been so thankful for this community of love that God has given me…but I’m even more thankful now.

As we watched stories unfold…

…like incredible ways God answered prayer for dear sisters-in-Christ

…and how God used a woman who was willing to be obedient to reach many, many women in Kenya

…like the reminder that we were created exactly as He wanted us to be…and WE. ARE. BEAUTIFUL.

…and listened to the beauty of blended voices as women from around the world read Truth together

…we laughed together, we let a few tears drip together (ok…that was probably more me ;)), we shared our hearts, we loved a little deeper.

We were community. We still are.

The day didn’t end up looking at all like what I had originally thought it might…but I have no doubt that God was in it, and He worked it out exactly as it should have been. He knew what I needed more than I did and met me exactly where I was. As He always, always does.

Thank you to my beautiful sisters at (in)courage for giving us this incredible weekend! I want to hug you all! What a blessing you are…and will continue to be…in my life.

Oh, I heart community!

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, friends, what I'm learning, where I am

(in)Real Life

April 28, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

I spent part of today tuning into an online conference with two of my good friends.

I’ve been looking forward to it for a long time. This blog is one of my favorites, and several months ago when they announced the conference, I knew I wanted to “attend”. What made it different from other blog conferences is that they were structuring it so people would meet up with friends in their own area. No plane tickets and hotel reservations required. :)

Just some coffee, food, and good friends. I can always handle that. 😉

I really, really loved hanging out with Alison and Amanda, two friends from my Monday workout/Thursday Bible study/church. We watched a few sessions, discussed them, and had some good heart-to-hearts…which we all need now and then.

It was a great way to spend the afternoon, and it left me feeling very (in)couraged. (Ok, I’ll admit that was corny.) 😉

At the end of our time we tuned into the last session, a virtual community Bible reading, which I was completely blessed to participate in. It was emotional and inspiring and just COOL seeing people from all over the world reading the same Scripture and hearing our voices blend. I wish I could post the link here, but I’m hoping to at least have it on DVD in the next few weeks so I can share it with friends who are around here.

And even though I blogged about it yesterday, the conference made me more thankful than ever for community. Because we all need that place to belong, that place to just be. Thanks to each of you who have given me just that.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, friends, just life, where I am, writing

Five-Minute Friday: Community

April 27, 2012 by · 4 Comments

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo at The Gypsy Mama for Five-Minute Friday.

Join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, or overthinking. Just write. :)

Today’s Topic: Community

The morning I stepped into that foreign room in a place that made my heart pound, I had no idea that it held the friends who would become my community.

The place where we’d dig deep, share, laugh, sometimes-cry, always-love.

They made me feel so welcome from the first moments…this new girl struggling through the harsh realities of relocation once again, new-mommyhood, and mega identity-crisis. The perfect combination. 😉

It took a few weeks, but slowly the walls started to crumble, I allowed the tears to fall, and my heart began to soften. And as my story…and their stories…began to intertwine, I knew that God had given me a gift in this group of women.

In this community.

Thursday mornings are a cherished part of the week for me. Whether we study for the entire hour and a half or we talk first for the first hour, that time spent with these beautiful sisters is so good for my soul and my heart.

Because despite differences and preferences, we can all come together and love, laugh…and just be.

Which is so, so important in community.

They make me feel valued, loved, appreciated…and I hope I make them feel that way, too.

I just love them. So much.

This community…is so much my life. And for it, I am thankful.

And…this is what I’m doing tomorrow. It’s still not too late to register and tune in! For a cool $10, they’ll send you a shirt, a pack of greeting cards, and you’ll get access to some pretty incredible sessions and speakers. A friend and I watched the Friday sessions this afternoon, and they were great. Think about it if you’ve got a few hours to spare tomorrow! :)

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, church, encouragement, Five Minute Friday, friends, just life, where I am

Little Blessings (Pt. 33)

April 26, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Just so you know…’cause you may be wondering…I’m doing 100 of these. (I’ll tell you why later, ok?) 😉

Anyway, on with the blessings…

:) Friends who listen and give hugs and let me be a blubbering mess for five minutes. Or longer.

:) Photo shoots with sisters, a blue door, and a no trespassing sign. (Ooooops!) But I can’t wait to show you the pics! There is one on facebook if you’re my friend. More to come.

:) Finding out that Maelie knows the word “breadstick”. Who knew?!

:) 8 pm and bedtime and zero tears. Not one. Can we say, “TI-RED?”

:) Loving that little girl…the same one who says breadstick and who went to bed without crying…to the moon and back. Plus infinity.

:) Bright, hot-reddish-pink toenails.

:) Flowers on the table to welcome “us girls” home.

:) A package of free goodies in the mail…a wallet, a ring, and the cutest vase ever.

:) Two blank canvasses, paint, brushes…and two great ideas. I love painting. Happy sigh.

:) The reminder and Truth…that He doesn’t change. Ever.

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, friends, just life, Maelie

Precious Reunion

April 25, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

I love that no matter how much time has passed, we can always pick up where we left off.

I love these two. :)

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, friends, travel

Hey…and Some Coffee

April 23, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

I’m having a mid-afternoon coffee…after my power nap that didn’t really do much. Care to join me for a chat? 😉

Here’s hopin’ the coffee will help. I’m kind of a grump right now. Just being honest. 😉

So, hey from Creston.

Mae and I drove in this morning, and I couldn’t help driving down past the hospital, college, and the other areas that were really hit hard by the tornado.

Oh, my.

No words…maybe that’s how I can describe it?

I crossed the major highway that divides the east and west sides of town, and my jaw literally dropped, and my hand went over my mouth.

No drama, no pictures. I thought I’d want to take one, but I don’t. I think the images are there in my mind for good.

Just sad. So sad…and thankful at the same time. I seriously can’t believe no one died.

So Mae and I hopped over to Iowa yesterday after church. We left around 12:30 and made it to Slater (my church from college) with 15 minutes to spare before the surprise service/party for some dear friends.

It was so fun reconnecting with friends, some I haven’t seen for eight years. (There are pictures…I’ll share later. ;)) It was so good for my heart to see these ladies…I can’t believe how many years have passed. (And how many kiddos were running around at our feet!)

Mae and I spent the night with my adopted parents from college (who the party was for) and then came down to Creston this morning.

We’ll be here for the night and most of tomorrow, and then late tomorrow afternoon we’ll head up to the Des Moines area and then go home Wednesday night. I picked a good night to visit since two of my nieces have a music concert tonight, and grandma is available to babysit. :) Maelie is enjoying some good cousin time with Sofia, even if they are both definitely smack dab in the middle of the terrible twos.

It builds character, right? (For Mae AND Mommy!)

Anyway, it’s a quick trip that seems to go by even quicker…time always flies when there are so many people to see.

Looking forward to tomorrow…dinner at my very favorite restaurant EVER with some friends, and then some sweet sister time with my two best girls. Anticipating a late night and lots of laughs and some good heart-to-hearts.

Will definitely need the caffeine for the drive home on Wednesday!

Happy Monday!

Oh, and you may have noticed something…that there was no blog post yesterday? Hmmm…there IS a story for that one. I’ll give my hubby a chance to share first. :)

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, coffee, friends, just life, where I am, writing

A Heart Spill

April 17, 2012 by · 2 Comments

I just started a pot of coffee. (It’s 9:15 p.m.)

It could potentially be a long chat tonight. (And if it’s not, hey…hubby will have iced coffee in the morning. ;))

So for the last few days…I’ve kinda fluffed my way around the blog. I didn’t really write junk…I just wrote things that didn’t make me think too hard. The fact is, I’ve been thinking a lot lately.

But putting those thoughts into words on a blog is much more difficult than the actual thinking. (I write some pretty great bestsellers in my head!)

I’m not sure how to process this…so I may just let my thoughts spill and see where they go. I apologize, in advance, if you hopped over here for Mel’s witty take on life. Maybe tomorrow. :)

By the way, you may have noticed that the blog is different? Yeah. I’m in the middle of updating some things and figured…if I can’t change the past, at least I can change my blog!

So I really hate those nights when I KNOW I need to share something. (Or a million somethings.)

It has been a really discouraging week. I can’t count the number of times that uninvited tears have overflowed and made my eyeliner run all over the place. Or how often I’ve felt so exhausted and drained that doing anything has felt impossible. Or how often, out of sheer exhaustion and impatience, I’ve raised my voice at Mae.

On Saturday (following several days of this), Tobin and I knew we needed to get out of the house, and the three of us went to Menards. Mae did fine for the first part of the trip and started to get fussy toward the end. While we were waiting in line to check out, I gave her a tiny sip of my coffee to calm her down. (Judge me now. Enough people in line were doing it.) I could feel their eyes burning at me, and to make matters worse…that one sip only made her want more. She started screaming, Coffee! Coffee! Coffee! After a few seconds, when it became apparent that this wasn’t going to stop anytime soon, I picked her up, took her outside, and carried her across the entire parking lot to our van while she continued her rant.

I could feel people staring at me, and it only reiterated the thought that I’m a bad mommy.

Lie.

Add to it the fact that for some reason, Indonesia keeps coming back to me…and not in good ways.

Here’s the thing. We loved it there. (Most of the time.) But we also struggled, and it was no secret to anyone that we were ready for what was next. I don’t believe we left on bad terms, though I do know that God definitely had something else for us and that He moved us on at the right time.

Lately I’ve been seeing pictures on facebook and hearing stories of how great my former students are doing…and I’m filled with questions and, often, regret. Don’t misunderstand me…I completely loved them and am thrilled that they’re thriving. But it makes me wonder…

Did I do enough? Did I love them enough? Did I let them know how much they mean to me? Was I a terrible teacher?

More lies.

Tobin and I have been through one of our more difficult seasons of marriage recently. The details don’t belong here, we’re working through things, and we really are ok even if there are tough days. But there are also those times when I look around the house and see a total disaster…a sink full of dirty dishes, clothes thrown around the bedroom, a nursery floor covered with books and toys or we exchange less-than-kind words…and I start believing that I am bad at this wife thing.

You know, the lies are really starting to get to me.

It’s been a silent week. The kind where friends are busy and plans don’t happen like I thought they might. My phone has been pretty quiet and my social interaction pretty limited. For an extrovert who thrives on being busy and social, this is possibly the worst kind of week. And even though I know it’s not me, I start to believe that my friends don’t want me.

I’m ready to squash satan’s lies.

Really.

The fact is that I know, as a mommy, I have my days. We all do. But I also have DAYS…the ones when Maelie and I have the best time ever together and we laugh all day long and have adventures and soak up every moment of this precious, mother-daughter bond. We make memories that will be etched in my mind forever and, hopefully soon, in hers.

That’s truth.

It’s also fact that, though Indonesia wasn’t perfect, it was still time that wasn’t wasted. While we don’t know the kind of impact we had, we know that we were impacted and left there feeling completely blessed for having the chance to be part of what God is doing there. We got to love some pretty amazing students and grow with some incredible friends.

More truth.

I believe with everything in me that satan will try everything to destroy a marriage. Tobin and I aren’t perfect and we’re fully aware of that, but we love each other, and we love our Father. We’re both guilty of letting things like a dirty kitchen and selfish moments take over our days…but at the end of those days, we love each other and we’re committed.

Complete truth.

And while I’ve had a lonely week, sometimes I forget that being alone isn’t necessarily a bad thing. One thing I don’t do well is be still…and maybe that’s a lesson He’s trying to teach me. To take those times I feel alone and let Him fill that void. My first instinct, rather than to grab my Bible, is to grab my cell phone. He always meets me exactly where I am, with exactly what I need for the day.

He is Truth.

I guess I share all of this to ask you to pray for me. Please pray…

…that I’ll be able to throw regret out the window and live fully in the present.

…that I’ll choose to ignore satan’s lies and walk in Truth.

…that I’ll strive to live a life that pleases Him every single day. 

He’s Good…and His Truth is just that.

True.

Thanks for listening. :)

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, encouragement, friends, Indonesia, just life, Maelie, marriage, prayer, remembering, Tobin, what I'm learning, where I am
«Previous Page
Next Page»