Behind the Scenes: Saying No…and Maybe a Little Skipping

Hey, friends. :)

Just up front, I don’t know why I feel the need to explain this, but I do. It’s not me defending myself…I promise. Just a this-is-why explanation. With a cute picture at the end. 😉

So, it’s October…and I have to admit that I’ve been waiting for this month for a loooooong time. Not only do I love fall and pretty much all things pumpkin spice (who doesn’t?!), but it’s also the month when I finally get to wrap my arms around the necks of so many amazing women who have walked this dreaming and writing journey with me in the last year.

I almost want to actually get up and do a cartwheel in the living room, but it’s early, and I’m tired, so I’ll refrain from that…but I will let out a virtual

Squeeeeeeeee!

Thanks for letting me do that. 😉

This is also the month when a lot of my blogging community is participating in the Nester’s 31 Day’s series.

I love the idea…blogging for 31 days (the entire month) about a specific topic. (I actually did my own version of it a couple years ago.) And I’ve gotta be honest here…I’m dying to participate.

But I know me…and I know my current season. I’m very aware of a certain book proposal and chapter edits that are hanging over my head. (Good stuff but time consuming, to say the least.) I’ve gotta keep my head on straight (haha…does that ever happen?! ;)) and focus on the dream and taking the opportunities that are there…I might not have them again.

And?

I’ve also got this great little girl…and the days are slipping by.

Too quickly.

To the point where I want to run upstairs and interrupt her beautiful sleep at 6 a.m. just so I can hold her in my arms before she gets any bigger.

This season, God is also calling me to something great beyond writing: He’s calling me to embrace being a mommy completely.

I don’t say no well.

But I said no to blogging 31 days…not because I think it’s a bad idea. (In fact, I think it’s an awesome one!) But because, this season, He’s got greater things for me.

Things like…

...stepping away from the computer and going to the park.

...leaving my phone in the house and going outside to swing with my girl.

…putting down my Kindle and picking up a story to read with her.

…Pounding out a book proposal and editing like crazy when she’s sleeping. (Had to throw that in…it’s my reality. :))

All of those things.

Plus…taking the time to skip down sidewalks while holding a handful of flowers.

maeskipping

Ok, ok, maybe I’ll leave that to her…but I might grab her hand and join her one of these days! 😉

**************************

Happy Tuesday, friends! Today is the day when I join some sweet friends at Crystal’s space for Behind the Scenes.

Social media and online relationships can make us feel like everyone else has it all together. We’re edited, proof-read, Pinterest-perfect versions of ourselves (or so some might think!) when – in reality? There is an unfinished pile of laundry around the corner. That cute toddler smiling for the camera just had a massive meltdown seconds ago. That yummy breakfast-for-dinner you just showed us on Instagram? It’s because the cat licked the chicken that was supposed to be for dinner.

“Behind the Scenes” is a fun link up where we show those photos – but tell the real story behind them. The sneak peek behind the scenes, a look past the edges of the photo to the real life behind it.

Take some time today and stop by if you can…the hearts of these beautiful women who share their stories will encourage you as you read what’s happening behind the camera lens. :)

crystalstine.me

Sig

Five-Minute Friday: True

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo for Five-Minute Friday.

Join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write.

Today’s prompt: True

True confession?

I have a little obsession with making the top row of this linkup.

It didn’t start out that way, and it’s not necessarily ok or admirable or something I’m proud of…it’s just a confession.

And another one?

Tonight I sat there, singing songs and writing forms, marking changes and how many times we were singing the tag…and checking Twitter.

Missing out on #fmfparty, trying to follow along with random glances down at the pew between verse and chorus, not daring to actually tweet along…

But following.

And somewhere in the middle of Your Love Never Fails, the prompt went out, and I had to fight the urge to race into the hallway and figure out how to somehow blog this prompt from my iPhone, which I know is done all the time, but not by Mel. The girl who always writes everything from her computer.

And then I caught myself.

And since we’re talking true tonight, this might sound a little harsh.

Why is it that I feel the need to be first?

Oh, don’t get me wrong…it’s fun to tweet with my friends and then dash off our five minutes and spend an hour or so encouraging each other. That’s such the heart of this community and something I absolutely love about it. :)

But the truth is that competition doesn’t really help anyone. And, does it really hurt me to be mixed up in the middle somewhere, surrounded by beautiful sisters who love Jesus just as much as the lovely ladies in the top row do?

So, tonight? I’m going to spend some time loving on them…reading their words and their hearts.

And being thankful…for praise team practice, for the fact that I didn’t get home in time for the prompt, for the fact that I get to hang out somewhere new and fun.

I’m also making a promise to never, ever open Twitter during praise team again. :)

True story.

Friends? I have this rule, one that I’m seriously considering tossing out after the last two weeks, but not tonight. I always write the first thing that comes to mind with Five-Minute Friday…and this was it. Please know that I love each of you…regardless of whether you link up at #1 or #527. We each have a voice, one that should be heard…and I’m going to spend some time listening tonight. 

Five Minute Friday

Sig

Behind the Scenes: My Heart and an Invitation

1006038_10151542842202312_1152342446_n

This picture has popped up on my blog a few times lately.

Yeah, I think she’s pretty adorable. :)

A couple months ago, we took advantage of a Groupon deal and hired a photographer to come out to our C’ville stomping grounds and take some family pictures.

Let me tell you, friends…with a spunky toddler like we have, this was a tall order to fill.

But he rocked it, despite the fact that she was constantly on the move.

And? He managed to capture this gem.

To say that I. Completely. Love. It. is just scratching the surface.

Because what this is…it’s me and my girl and my passion and my heart all miraculously captured in one, beautiful photo.

For years, I have dreamed of writing. Of blogging, of publishing, of making a name for myself. (I didn’t say all of these were noble aspirations.) 😉

And during those years, another dream of mine has been dancing around my feet, sometimes holding my hand, sometimes spinning on her own.

This girl.

Maelie girl.

She’s fabulous.

And she’s my calling, my dream, my heart.

She is who I want to be my priority every second of the day.

Even over writing and blogging and publishing and being all that those things bring.

And so this picture…this snapshot of our moments…it represents so much.

Because I love my daughter to the moon and back. (Plus infinity…just ask her. ;))

I still love to write…

I still want to publish a book…

I still dream of being a contributor on a blogand that one is happening soon, so stay tuned!

But my point?

Is that I want moments like the one in this photo all the time.

I want her all the time.

And so…I’m redefining.

Making mommyhood, marriage, a follower of my Father, a friend…priorities.

Oh, I’ll still write…’cause a writer still needs air sometimes. Plus, I just love to write…I can’t give it up.

But I’ll do that when she’s in bed. Or having her quiet time. Or watching her hour of tv (hour, not hourS).

😉

And I’m not perfect. I’ll fumble, I’ll fail, I’ll write a blog post while she watches yet another episode of Sofia the First or Doc McStuffins.

But where my heart is now?

It’s in that place where I don’t want to miss a single moment.

Ever.

And, friends?

I’ve been given a great opportunity, one I am incredibly thankful for, one I didn’t plan on…but one that God was weaving into His plan all along.

598791_10200516442694471_1054439666_s

I am completely blown away by the opportunity to be an (in)courager.

Squeeeeeeeee! 😉 (Plus, imagine a little happy dancing, too.)

I am so excited to encourage and invest in the lives of other stay-at-home mommas like me…ones who, I have a feeling, struggle with many of the same things I do.

(In)courage has a new session of (in)courager groups kicking off this week, and registration is open! If you’re looking for a small group, a place to connect with women in the same season of life, a place to be encouraged…this is exactly for you.

You can go here to read the heart behind (in)courager groups AND to find one that is the perfect fit for you. Of course, I’d love it if you joined my group, but look for the one that best meets you in your current season. (And as of tonight, my group is full…but there are TONS of groups…go find one! ;))

You will love it. I promise. :)

It makes me smile to look back at the last few weeks…to see how He is weaving together pieces of my heart and writing another part of my story. Pulling back on a few things, but still filling my life with amazing blessings.

And reminding me of the ones I already have.

**************************

Happy Tuesday, friends! Today is the day when I join some sweet friends at Crystal’s space for Behind the Scenes.

Social media and online relationships can make us feel like everyone else has it all together. We’re edited, proof-read, Pinterest-perfect versions of ourselves (or so some might think!) when – in reality? There is an unfinished pile of laundry around the corner. That cute toddler smiling for the camera just had a massive meltdown seconds ago. That yummy breakfast-for-dinner you just showed us on Instagram? It’s because the cat licked the chicken that was supposed to be for dinner.

“Behind the Scenes” is a fun link up where we show those photos – but tell the real story behind them. The sneak peek behind the scenes, a look past the edges of the photo to the real life behind it.

I hope you’ll take some time to pop over and read the sometimes-hilarious, sometimes-tear-jerking, just-fun stories that go on behind the actual photos. :)

crystalstine.me

Sig

Five-Minute Friday: Mercy

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo for Five-Minute Friday.

Join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write.

Today’s prompt: Mercy

Some nights I feel wordless…very wordless.

And tonight is one of them.

His Mercy Overwhelms Me. I know that much. I know how it has changed my life, how it has changed my heart.

I often talk about how thankful I am for the fact that His mercies are new every morning.

That’s because I. Need. Them. and I can’t pretend that I don’t.

I mess up…I have bad days, I say mean things, I do things that don’t honor Him…and I need His Mercy and Forgiveness.

I need those new days.

Recently I had A. Day. with my girl. It was just one of those frustrating ones…the kind when little, three year-old wills take over and don’t quite want to do what their mamas ask them to. Over and over, all day long.

And by the end, well, let’s just say I welcomed bedtime with a little happy dance. 😉

There weren’t a bunch of gushing, I-love-you’s as she cuddled down into her pillow and I closed her door for the night.

But the next morning when I heard her wake up?

I went into her room, and her head popped out from under her blanket, the biggest smile ever on her face.

We snuggled and said our good mornings…and it was a reminder to me, one that was so needed.

New mercies, new compassion, a new day.

Blessed.

1006038_10151542842202312_1152342446_n

Five Minute Friday

Sig

Behind the Scenes: Just Breathe

There are few moments…few…in the life of this extrovert when space is needed.

Yep, I’m mostly being serious.

I thrive from time spent with friends, my family…and it’s possible I thrive equally on caffeine, too. (Just keepin’ it real today, friends. ;))

That’s why I surprised myself last week.

Or, maybe it wasn’t really a surprise. That much, anyway. I’d seen it coming for awhile.

You see…this space has been going for almost three years. Yep, that’s a long time for Mel to stick to anything. I wrote a lot more during the first two years, but I’ve been posting at least twice, sometimes three times, a week since I started my blog.

And it’s slowly taken it’s toll.

Not always in a bad way, but I was exhausted. Emotional. Potentially starting to detest the idea of sitting down to splash out words from a tired heart that didn’t want the gift of words anymore.

But we can’t always throw away our gifts, can we? And, to be honest, I didn’t really want to.

And so I took a break. As in, I replied to the comments from last Tuesday, and I broke for a week.

That was not an easy thing for me to do.

My online community…where many of my sweet sisters and friends dwell…they were thriving and sharing life, and everything in me wanted to glue myself back together, take back my words, and rejoin them to tweet and pin and insta-whatever…just be a present part of their lives.

But I didn’t.

And instead, I embraced this.

bikepath

This path.

This quiet.

It’s one I used to detest.

Going on and on with not a whole lot more than solitude and creepy woods, it used to bore me to tears. (Not really…no actual tears involved. Just sweat running over my eyes, but that’s kind of the same thing, right?!) 😉

Last week I pounded out over 22 miles on this path.

Part of that is because I somehow got myself signed up for a 10k that involves a lot of running and a lot of hills and, therefore, I need to train my body to go further than 3.1 miles.

But I don’t think that’s the only reason I ran it over and over.

Do you ever have those weeks, friends?

The kind when you question everything?

I’d like to say that I spent this time in prayer…in praising God for His amazing creation. In thanking Him for giving me the physical ability to actually run multiple miles without (mostly) feeling like I’m going to die. In lifting up friends and those I love who are hurting.

Sadly, I think I spent more of my time arguing with Him…telling Him how I thought things should be.

How this writing thing should be easier and the words should just be flowing…it shouldn’t be this hard.

How relationships should be a lot less complicated, too…why can’t we just get along all the time?

And telling Him that I think now (or, at least nine months from now) is the perfect time for us to have another baby…and why doesn’t He think so, too?!

There was a lot more than that, I’m sure. (And so you all aren’t disappointed, I did still sing along sometimes.) 😉

But in the middle of it, even after unleashing that much frustration…I still heard Him.

Breathe. Just Breathe.

I’ve got this.

Friends, I struggle every day.

I struggle to accept the fact that He truly does have it all.

Because I have a plan in my head that seems *so perfect*and I forget that my plans should be His and surrendered and taken out of my fully-open palms and placed into His.

Oh, how hard that is to do.

This is the path where I told Him all of that as my feet pounded and the tears mixed with sweat and the words

Lord, I need You, Oh, I need You

played over and over.

That time for me and my heart and Him.

And now I’m back.

I’m not sure what’s different yet, but something is.

Because He’s Good and He hears the hearts of His children.

**************************

On Tuesdays, I link up with my friend, Crystal, at her space for Behind the Scenes.

Social media and online relationships can make us feel like everyone else has it all together. We’re edited, proof-read, Pinterest-perfect versions of ourselves (or so some might think!) when – in reality? There is an unfinished pile of laundry around the corner. That cute toddler smiling for the camera just had a massive meltdown seconds ago. That yummy breakfast-for-dinner you just showed us on Instagram? It’s because the cat licked the chicken that was supposed to be for dinner.

“Behind the Scenes” is a fun link up where we show those photos – but tell the real story behind them. The sneak peek behind the scenes, a look past the edges of the photo to the real life behind it.

If you have some time, feel free to stop by for some great stories of the fun and funny, the sad, the joyful…all of those things that happen behind the camera lens. I hope you’ll join us! :)

crystalstine.me

Sig

Five-Minute Friday: Worship

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo for Five-Minute Friday.

Join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write.

Today’s prompt: Worship

Music is in my soul…it’s always been there.

It whispers and sometimes dances loudly throughout my days…

Whether we’re going to the potty or reading stories or playing on swings, it seems there is always a song going on at our house.

And while I know that music isn’t the only way to worship, it’s a big part of how I do.

And because my days are spent with a sweet toddler girl, she is starting to reflect that. It usually comes in the form of Jesus Loves Me or You are My Sunshine or Bushel and a Peck or another of our bedtime songs.

I hear the joy in her voice, and even more in her heart, as she learns what it means to sing her heart out and worship, even if she doesn’t completely understand just yet.

It’s something that fills my heart and reminds me that the way I live speaks to her heart…And I need to shine Him always.

Perhaps one of my sweetest reminders happened just last night.

With hubby out of town, I had to take Mae to praise team practice with me.

During our second song, I heard a little voice. One that grew stronger and joined with our voices.

Hers.

She was singing, praising, worshiping…and it was beautiful.

She’s already starting to shine Him.

969249_10151542842197312_2096686759_n

Five Minute Friday

Sig

On Accountability, Compassion, and Being a Playground-Mama: A Guest Post

1006038_10151542842202312_1152342446_n

As the mama of a sweet, but spunky, three year-old, I know what it’s like to have what I like to call playground-mama moments.

Oh, and they come in all different shapes and sizes…and levels of embarrassment, too.

For instance, there might be the kind when I unleash my words at whoever-or-whatever may-or-may-not-be harming my child.

My first memorable one was around the time Mae was 18 months old.

A later walker, she was finally steady on her feet and running everywhere. She couldn’t get enough exploring, climbing, sliding, and jumping.

One day near Christmas that year, I took her to the playplace at the mall near our house. She was running around, squealing in all of her cuteness (and there’s a lot of it!), loving every second, when…Bam.

Like, physically, bam.

Some too-big-for-the-playplace boy came barreling around a corner, running right over her.

I ran to her, made sure she wasn’t hurt, and then I unleashed…

My Playground-Mama Fury…

Today I’m excited to be guest posting at my friend, Gindi’s space. Gindi is one of my God-Sized Dream sisters, and she has been such an amazing encouragement to me in the last year. I’m honored to share my words on her blog today. You can go here to read the rest of my guest post!

Happy Monday, friends! :)

Sig

Five-Minute Friday: Last

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo for Five-Minute Friday.

Join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write.

Today’s prompt: Last

Oh, goodness.

Well, when I saw the prompt, I knew exactly what I wanted to write about…but it’s kind of one of those things I’d rather erase from my mind forever.

So we’ve all been there…gym class.

For the sake of this story, let’s go back to the *joyous* days of middle school.

It’s time to pick teams for scooter hockey. (Did anyone else play that?)

And there she sits…Mel. Awkwardly, criss-crossed legs, too short uniform shorts, wearing a red t-shirt, Mel.

Watching the others being picked one by one.

By one.

By one.

Until there’s only one.

And then Mr. Captain finally calls out her name, and she stands up.

Walks over to the team that has to take her but doesn’t really want her.

And all the joy of that day’s game is gone…because she feels like she doesn’t belong.

I’m grown up now, but occasionally those feelings still creep back…the kind that say,

You’re not good enough.

You don’t have a place here.

And maybe that’s why I’m so glad that even if I’m one of those who is picked last sometimes (and maybe we all are) that I’m still precious in His sight.

I belong.

We all do.

And if we were choosing teams for scooter hockey tonight, friends, I’d want you all on my team. 😉

Five Minute Friday

Sig

Behind the Scenes: The Finish

Hey, friends…breakin’ the rules a bit today and posting a video.

(Special thanks to my friend, Chris, for shooting this gem, a word I use loosely here.) 😉

Raceway Wood 5k Finish from Tobin Schroeder on Vimeo.

I’ve been a runner for several years…runner, as in I’d go out and run/walk/run some more, maybe a mile or two at a time.

About two years ago, determined to get that pesky baby weight off, I decided to really run…and started training and doing 5k’s and worked on slashing my time down. I’m still no star, but I can pull around a 28:00 5k, sometimes-a-little-faster-sometimes-not, and I’m happy with that. Running is something I enjoy, and it’s a good way to have a little me time before the crazy of a day begins.

I crank up my playlist of worship music, sing along, spend some time in prayer…and though the hardest thing is to take the first ten steps, I am always, always glad I took the time for it each morning.

This past Saturday I ran a 5k at a place in our community called Raceway Woods. It was actually a famous racetrack several decades ago, and this 5k was the first organized race event there since the late 60’s. A few friends and I signed up, and since I’ve been running and training (well, for the most part) this summer…heck, why not?

Let me tell you one thing, friends.

Ignorance is bliss.

Well, as much bliss as can be found in a place that has so many hills.

I look decently strong at the end of this video, but what you can’t see is all…and I do mean ALL…of the behind the scenes.

The race itself was SO. HARD.

I had no clue…zero…what I’d signed up for, other than 3.1 miles. Maybe that was why I actually showed up for the race. 😉

The first mile was a breeze because it was downhill. I pulled it in 8:18…and my quickest pace on a 5k is around a 8:45…needless to say, that was good motivation to keep my feet moving.

At the beginning of the second mile, there were a few smaller hills…nothing horrible, nothing I loved. Just kind of in-between.

And then, toward the end of the second mile, I encountered it, huffing and puffing what felt like my last-ever-earthly breaths.

It stared me down like Mt. Everest towers over an ant.

I. Couldn’t. Run. It.

In fact, I’m not exactly sure how I made it up that hill, but I eventually found the top of it. (I think it took a long time, though…and potentially for part of that mountain climb, I even slipped into a semi-delusional state.)

And while mile #3 was nowhere near as hilly, it was mostly gravel.

Gravel = just not as fast.

So you see me pushing with all I have at the finish, but really, I just want this race to be over.

Over.

Finished.

Finito. (Is that a word? It is now. ;))

Two days later, I’m still feeling it. It’s mostly good pain, but it’s pain.

And maybe it’s not so much the pain of the actual race but the fact that last week was so up and down, just like that 5k. I had some really amazing highs (hello, getting published!) and some heartbreaking lows (maybe later).

Maybe it’s a good metaphor for me…this race.

Maybe it’s the reminder my heart needs that I can’t always call the shots and run a smooth, perfectly flat (or even downhill!) course. There are going to be those twists and turns and climbs that make me come to the point where I just have to push on in a strength that’s not my own.

Maybe it’s a reminder, too, that sometimes the pain we feel is good, even if it still hurts…because it’s a reminder that He heals.

And, that He can still work in spite of the pain.

I’m still in processing mode, but I don’t think it’s an accident that I ran that race on this particular Saturday.

My time was slower…and it took me a day or so to be ok with it.

31:27.

Thirty-one minutes and twenty-seven seconds of sweat and tears. (No blood this time, thankfully.)

And a reminder that He’ll stick with me and help me finish strong, no matter what the course looks like.

**************************

Happy Tuesday, y’all! As usual, I’m hanging out at Crystal’s place, joining some of my favorite bloggers for our weekly link up.

Social media and online relationships can make us feel like everyone else has it all together. We’re edited, proof-read, Pinterest-perfect versions of ourselves (or so some might think!) when – in reality? There is an unfinished pile of laundry around the corner. That cute toddler smiling for the camera just had a massive meltdown seconds ago. That yummy breakfast-for-dinner you just showed us on Instagram? It’s because the cat licked the chicken that was supposed to be for dinner.

“Behind the Scenes” is a fun link up where we show those photos – but tell the real story behind them. The sneak peek behind the scenes, a look past the edges of the photo to the real life behind it.

I hope you’ll take some time to hop over for some funny and sweet stories that are guaranteed to give you a deeper glimpse into the moments that make up our days. Thanks so much for stopping by, friends!

crystalstine.me

Sig

Five-Minute Friday: Lonely

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo for Five-Minute Friday.

Join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write.

Today’s prompt: Lonely

It was one of those days.

The kind when she would pack her bag and trudge to school, not sure who might be there to greet her.

Say hello.

Notice her.

Something. Anything.

And, like so many other days just like it…the loneliness abounded.

And she built a wall around her heart, wondering if anyone would ever want to tear it down.

Sometimes, friends, I let myself think back to that time in my life when I was so lonely.

It was hard and is not a time I revisit often.

But, truth?

I think we all have those lonely moments.

I still do, sometimes.

The challenge for me now…and it really is a challenge sometimes…is to not let them be a bad thing.

Yes, this extrovert thrives SO. MUCH. when she is around her friends and those who love her.

But there can be so much beauty in the lonely, too…the kind of beauty that comes with allowing myself to be wrapped in my Father’s arms.

When I let Him take my loneliness and teach me to rest in Him and the fact that He is enough.

I often just look at all He’s done…all He’s given…the ways He has blessed me with So. Much. Community…and I smile.

Yes, there are lonely days.

But there are so many blessings, even then.

MomsBibleStudyI love this picture of my amazing Bible study friends…truly a gift from God. They’ll never know how much they mean to me. :)

Five Minute Friday

Sig