Our friends/neighbors left on a mission trip yesterd
ay to Ecuador. They’ll be gone 2 1/2 weeks along with another adult and several teens.
I’ m happy for the
m. They just ooze passion for God and want to serve Him, and while I’ve never seen them with their teens, I have seen them with the kids in the neighborhood. They’re amazing.
But I have to admit that
as I watched them go…figuratively–there was no way I was gettin’ up at 4:30 a.m. to see them off!…there was a twinge in my heart.
Of jealousy?
Of pain?
Of sadness?
I really don’t know.
Here’s the thing. I’m not used to seeing other people go; I’ m used to being the one who goes.
That world out there is what changed my heart and my life…and I can’t get enough of it. As much as we truly believe we are supposed to be here for now, sometimes I remember those things that come along with going…
- The early morning rides to the airport, the car stuffed with luggage.
- The bittersweet goodbyes and the ability to actually shed tears at an insanely early hour.
- The obligatory last Caribou coffee before our flight would take off. (There was usually a last American magazine and some form of Amercian chocolate, too.
:))
- The way I would sit in the airports and imagine the destinations that people were headed to.
- The excitement that burned within me as I wondered what the next chapter would look like… and the adventures it would hold.
That last statement is still true when I think of our future.
Only, instead of the adventures that lie within the word, “Go”, they now lie within the word, “Stay”.
He says to us, Make my name known here.
You are here for such a time as this. You are called, you
are chosen, you are loved, you are mine. I love you with an everlasting love, and you can make disciples right here in your own country.
( Pardon my paraphrasing.
:))
The word stay is foreign to me. And yet, it holds an unknown factor, something that does still create a spark in me. I wonder, I dream…
And while there is a twinge of jealousy for those who get to go, doing what He has called me to do is far more important and truly is what burns in me right now, even if there is sometimes sadness.
I live, I love what is now…and my heart’s prayer is to be content in that. He has given that.
If, for some reason, I may Go again…I will pray to be content in that, too.
But for now, I will Stay.