Bless This Mess of Mommy-ness

Oy.

All the coffee in the Starbucks on 31 could not make up for today.

Oy.

Oh, I already said that.

So, Maelie has been battling a nasty cold/cough this week. We’ve been home all week except for a quick trip to the doctor yesterday, and this morning I decided we just needed to get out. No fever, just a runny nose and cough. Armed with tissues and a sippy of juice, we ventured to…where else?

Target.

I hadn’t washed my hair for over two days…and it had been at least that long since I’d completely removed my eye makeup, too. Not sure what I was wearing, but I’m pretty sure I looked rock-star quality…ish.

But I needed a couple things and wanted to look at the Target on Randall for something I couldn’t find at the one on 72.

Ooooohhh…I think to myself as I park the car. I forgot this one has a Starbucks. I sure could use one today.

Since we’ve been trying to be more careful with money, I don’t go to Starbucks anymore. Still…I thought it would be kind of fun to get a frappuccino (a light one) and share it with Maelie. The barista was nice and even put part of it in a little cup with a straw just for her.

So off we went through the red and white aisles, sipping our Bux together.

Yes, I realize I am giving my daughter caffeine…there also wasn’t that much in there. I just want to clear that up…thanks. 😉

However, I failed to remember that when I’m sick, cold things tend to make me cough more, and it was no different with Mae. No sooner had she started drinking this glorious, chocolatey concoction when the cough flared up. Badly. Fail.

She was hacking so loudly that I pulled out a tissue to kind of muffle the sound and/or catch whatever might be flying out. Poor sweetie.

People looked, and I tried my best to ignore them.

But there was that one lady…oh, I let her get to me. She stopped her cart five feet away and stared me down while Maelie coughed and coughed.

I could feel the judgment burning.

Everything in me wanted to look her square in the eye and tell her that I had taken my daughter to the doctor and, though she sounded bad, she was really fine. I wanted to and I should have…but I didn’t.

I didn’t stick up for myself, and I think that was my second epic fail of the day.

I hurried through the aisles, desperate to get out of the store as quickly as possible, feeling like an utter failure as a mommy, and to top it off, I wasn’t feeling pretty. I know, I know…but it DOES help when your hair and makeup are actually done well.

I made it all the way to the cash register before the tears fell. They’d been brimming the whole time, and something about how the girl said, How are you today?, made them course down my cheeks.

Thankfully she was willing to listen to this poor, first-time, feeling-like-a-disaster, mommy pour out her heart over something that wasn’t nearly as big a deal as she was making it. She was sympathetic…more than she needed to be, but I sure did appreciate it.

We headed home and had some lunch, played a little, read some stories. I was incredibly ready for her naptime…mostly so I could start checking things off my extremely lengthy to-do list before we leave tomorrow night for Minnesota.

Guess what?

No nap. She. Didn’t. Sleep. A. Single. Minute. All. Afternoon.

I got a few things done while she protested (loudly) and finally gave in and got her up. I’m thinking that the caffeine might also qualify as an epic fail…perhaps?

How many is that for the day?

Tobin got home with, thankfully, enough energy to play with Mae for awhile so I could go run off two-point-something miles of steam, and I got home, we ate dinner…all was good.

Until…bathtime.

Tob was outside mowing, and I took her upstairs for her bath. I plopped her in the tub, she was playing happily, and I turned my back for a second.

A second. Seriously.

And then I heard the splash.

She’d taken the 64 oz. cup we let her play with sometimes, filled it with water, and poured it over the side of the tub.

By now I’m sure I was saying much more than Oy…

I mopped up the mess, got her into her pajamas, and very gladly passed her on to my hubby.

Confession? I don’t feel like I was a good mommy today. At all.

In fact, I feel like a greasy-haired, smeared-makeup, sleep-deprived, mess.(Except I washed my hair after my run so I can’t play that card anymore. ;))

I just sat down again after going upstairs for a cuddle, a song, and a prayer…necessary things even though he was the one who put her to bed tonight.

And despite the day we had together, I am still so completely, madly in love with my daughter.

So, tomorrow, we’ll wake up, try again, and hope for a much better day full of laughs and memories and things that bring joy…and no caffeine. I’ll love her even more than I do right now, though I always wonder how it’s possible…even though it always is.

Because that’s what blessed, mommy-messes do.