It’s 11 p.m. and I haven’ t blogged ye
t.
I am giving myself
a pass today.
I have a lot on my mind and heart, and my time is much better spent in prayer than in spilling my brain right now.
Thanks for understanding.
Home
March 12, 2011 by · 4 Comments
Sometimes I really hate the saying, Home is Where the Heart Is.
Yeah, I get it. I know.
But what about when someone’s heart is in a million different places? How do you find a home
then?
I left a piece of my heart in the Amazon jungles of Peru in ’99. It still runs around the city of Iquitos in the form of precious street kids who melted my heart and made my world bigger than I had ever dreamed possible.
I left yet another piece at
an orphanage in M
anagua, Nicaragua. That piece was ripped out of my chest when several little girls took my hands and asked me to dance in a circle with them. We giggled together as I tried to talk to them in Spanish. They politely corrected me, and then we giggled some more. Priceless.
And yet another, perhaps larger, piece is still in Indonesia…in my former students, friends, and the wonderful people of that country. I miss them every day.
There’s a piece of it, too, in Minneapolis with some dear friends. They invested in a friendship and loved us even though they knew we’d be leaving. We love them and miss
them.
And I guess the rest of my heart is here in C’ville with me. I mean, I hope it is!
I’ve been wrestl ing
with being “home” lately.
We moved into this house last summer.
It was a gift from God, and we know that and are so, so thankful for it. We had looked at several houses that were just…ick. They were small, needed a lot of work, and were in neighborhoods that we wouldn’t have enjoyed. Then we walked in the front door of this one.
We looked at each other and when our eyes connected, we knew.
This was home.
And now the very idea of home is being threatened again.
I wish I could say I was ok with that. That it’s ok with my heart to pick up and move again.
But I’m selfish, and I don’t want to. I love our house. I love our neighbors.
I love the view of the river from our kitchen window. I love the dreams I’ve let myself dream of our little girl growing up here.
I love the idea of being settled…of being home.
And yet, with all of my heart, I know I need to hang onto the idea of “home” very loosely.
We were settled in Minnesota, too, and God said, No, I want you to go.
So we sold it all and went. It was heart-wrenching, difficult, and I cried more tears than you can possibly imagine.
Five years later, again, He said, Time to go again…this time, to a new place.
And I cried even more tears.
Everything in me wants to be home. To paint the walls and hang things up and know that it’s for good.
And sometimes it’s so hard for me because I know this world isn’t my home. We all know the song, and I bet half of you have it going through your heads right now. You’re welcome. 😉
How do I keep my hands open with something I want so, so badly?
How do I trust that things are going to work out when I can’t even imagine a place I would love half as much?
I don’t know… just where my heart is today, I guess.
Thanks for reading. And for praying.
Shaken…but Secure
March 11, 2011 by · 2 Comments
The news about the earthquake, tsunamis, death, and devastation in Japan and other places…it’s all too much to take in, isn’t it?
Last night I was up too late (as usual) and caught a status update from a college friend who lives in Tokyo. He was stuck in his building while the 8.9 quake shook the city.
His status simply said, “It is really shaking.”
It brought back so many memories.
And not necessarily good ones…ones that make my stomach turn and my heart pound…again, even a year and a half later.
The day was Wednesday, September 2, 2009…a little before 3:00 in the afternoon.
I was relaxing upstairs in our bedroom with the balcony door open before I had to begin my afternoon tutoring about twenty minutes later. I remember hearing the leaves of the palm tree in our front yard swishing in the wind and being thankful for a breeze despite the hot, humid weather that came with dry season.
What happened next was something out of a movie. It was almost as if I stepped out of reality and watched myself experience it all.
I heard a loud noise and things started to shake. We’d been in smaller earthquakes before, but this one…was Big. I could see the walls shaking. I immediately ran for the doorway and stood there for a few seconds before deciding to brave the stairs to get outside. I’m pretty sure my feet didn’t hit the tile at all as I flew down them.
Things were shaking so badly that I began to envision the house falling on me.
That was the first time I felt the panic rise within me.
Then I got to the front door and realized I had bigg
er problems. The latch on the screen door had broken that day and wouldn’t open from the inside; therefore, I couldn’t get out. In fact, the only way I could get out of the house was to go find the keys (and when do I ever know where my keys are?!)Â and let myself out through the garage door. I didn’t know if I had time for that.
So I tried to punch through the screen door to reach the handle on the outside.
By this time the neighbors were starting to congregate in the street.
I started to scream.
Buka! Buka!
Open! Open!
I know they heard
the panic in my voice.
But I had two golden retrievers right next to me, just as anxious to get out of the house.
Looking back, it must have been the dogs…the reason several of them looked at me but wouldn’t come up to the front door.
Finally, a neighbor, a single guy in his 20’s, ran up and opened the door so we could get out.
Andre and Sammy sprinted to escape.
(I sometimes wonder if dogs understand far more than we give them credit for.) Thankfully they came when I called and sat down next to me in the front yard.
It had been less than a minute since the earthquake began…and then, I finally let the tears fall.
I had left my hp (cell phone) in the house, so when things stopped shaking, I ran back inside to grab it. I was able to get through to Tobin long enough to find out that everyone at school was okay.
Initial reports said the quake was around a 7.3 about 60 km south of us. So it was pretty big. The death toll I think was around 80, and while tsunami warnings were issued, nothing happened.
It was a scary time…and even after, there were many nights when I let my mind wander back to what we had experienced that day. It made me thankful that, somehow, our house had held up through the quake, even though it was lacking in quality.
There were a few more cracks in the walls…reminders.
Reminders that God was there with us that day in His All-Powerful, All-Present,
All-Knowing way.
I had been shaken…but I knew I was secure in His hand.
Though our experience was not the magnitude of what those in Japan and other countries are facing today, He still made His presence know.
He held us each in His palm.
Yesterday, Jap an was rocked with
an earthquake bigger than anything I can imagine. People are dead, injured, physically and emotionally scarred. Lives changed in an instant.
But God was still there…still All-Powerful. Still All-Present. Still All-Knowing.
As these people begin to sift through what’s left, let’ s keep them in our prayer
s. Let’s not only pray for physical healing and restoration but also that they will come to know the Father through this.
That they will feel His presence and know that He’s right there with them.
That though they have been shaken, they will feel secure in the palm of His hand.
“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling…Come, behold the works of the Lord, how he has brought desolations on the earth. He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear; he burns the chariots with fire. ‘Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!’ The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.”
Psalm 46: 1-3, 8-11 (ESV)
Amen.
A Giveaway I’d Love to Win!
March 10, 2011 by · Leave a Comment
So I haven’t done much linking to other blogs yet…but this one is defin itely worth
it.
My friend Londa is doing a giveaway on her blog that I really, really want to win!
So you
should totally hop on over there and read about it, just so you can have a chance to win you can be informed.
😉
The giveaway is actually through the ETSY shop, Pink Dreams of Mine. Jessica makes THE cutest flower pillows I’ve ever seen in my life and some pretty stinkin’ adorable dresses, too.
Definitely worth checking out!
And I’ll forgive you if you enter the giveaway…because I seriously don’t blame you.
(I’m just selfish and I want to win! :D)
How cute are her creations?! Head on over there and check them out!
A New Morning
March 9, 2011 by · 2 Comments
I am not typically a morning person.
I’d much rather get my few extra winks than wake up early.
Several weeks ago I blogged about my intentions to be more disciplined with getting up in the morning to spend time
with God. I can’t say that has gone the greatest…I just don’t do well early in the morning.
I’ve tried to be better about being focused and spending time with Him sometime during the day…and that is going better…with the exception of
the past few days.
However, this morning I got up early.
I had managed to get to sleep as soon as I finished my blog post last night at 11:06. 😉 And, amazingly, I woke up at 6:10 ready to go. That does not happen very often.
(Although it’s going to have to change…it’s March. Time to start running again.
:P)
Another thing I don’t do very often ever is take the dogs outside in
the morning. I think that has something to do with the fact that I don’t want my neighbors to know how bad my bedhead actually is.
(Although in my opinion, I think I rock it!
;)) But this morning, crazy hair and all, I went outside with all of my boys (and the baby monitor). Sounds strange, but it was a good start to the morning.
It was almost like breathing some fresh air
gave me a new start…not just to my day but to my outlook.
One of my favorite promises is found in the book of Lamentations 3:22-23.
“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”
I know this p ass
age is often overused, but it truly is a promise that I hold close to my heart. And being reminded of it is another breath
of fresh air.
I love and serve a God who is merciful, forgiving, faithful, and loving.
And today I am so very thankful for this.
And that He never gives up on me.
Off
March 8, 2011 by · 1 Comment
Wow, this is becoming a trend…I keep pushing it later and
later. It is exactly 10:32 p.m. Which leaves me with an hour and 28 minutes to blog.
I really need to stop doing this!
(In my defense, Maelie took no afternoon nap.)
So has anyone else noticed my writing has been off the past week or so?
I have…but maybe because I’m my own worst critic.
Until now, I never connected the fact that, during the six years my husband and I blogged together, I didn’t write on the bad days. It was kind of a no-brainer.
Feeling like crap? Don’t write. Simple.
And then, in all my sheer brilliance, (yes, a tiny bit of sarcasm here) I decide to blog every day for a year. That means a few things:
- There are no days off.
- Mae not napping today? Too bad. Blog after she goes to bed.
- Writer’s block? Get over it, and come up with something…fast! Or write about airports or something…
- Having an utterly wretched day? (Have had a couple of those lately.) Write anyway and try not to spill every emotion surging through myself onto the virtual pages of barefootmel.com.
Don’t misunderstand me…I really do love blogging…and writing, in general. Most days, it’s something I really look forward to. Today is just one of the few days that it feels more like a chore than anything. 
The last couple weeks have just been ugly.
Ugly for me, ugly for my heart, ugly for everyone in my house. It’s just been hard.
I reread the post I wrote last week on being refined tonight. And I have to admit…my first thought was, did I just tell God to refine away
?
Goodness, what was I thinking?!
Of course, I got over that moment. And I know that God is going to do the refining that needs to be done in His own way, in His own time. He doesn’t need my permission for that.
I don’t want to pretend, EVER, that I’ve got it all together, even though I think there are days
I subconsciously do just that. Sometimes I look like it, but that’s mostly because I: a) refuse to go out of the house without mascara, eyeliner, and powder; b) take the time to straighten my hair; and c) wear jeans anytime I leave the house. Although b has fallen by the wayside twice this week already.
Hello crazy, curly hair…that’s not really very cute. In fact, my husband looked at me on Saturday and informed me that “my hair was a mess”.
That’s ok, I forgave him and we just laughed. Because I really am having an “off” couple of weeks.
And because my hair really was a mess.
The problem with being off is that I’m not sure how to get “on” again.
The thing is, I know some of the things I should be doing. But is it worth opening my Bible to just stare at the pages blankly, hoping for something to jump out and penetrate my heart? I suppose it’s worth trying.
It’s Lent season…and so many of my friends are excited about it, and I have not a clue. I’ve never been in a church that celebrates Lent before…but I have to admit that it’s intriguing and that I’m looking forward to it. In the past for us, Easter has always been just a Sunday. Just one. Then it’s over. I’m excited about celebrating it for 40 days…or however many days it is.
That is, if my heart can get past all of this junk.
I know that God is bigger than the mess I’ve got going on…that He works despite me getting in the way all the ti
me. And that He loves me, with a Love that is bigger than all of the sin and frustration
and discouragement and ugly days.
So even though I’m feeling like life is a little off right now, I know that He’s right next to me.
And that helps a lot.
So, if you actually made it to the end of this post, thank you for listening to me pour out my heart.
I’d appreciate your prayers.
P.S. 11:06 p.m. 54 minutes to spare. I am so good. 😀
10 Years
March 7, 2011 by · 4 Comments
Ten years ago today, I met my hubby.
(It drives him crazy that I have all these “anniversaries” in my head.
So, honey, don’t feel pressured to buy me anything.
Although I do like chocolate…but I think you know that. :))
It w as through
a weird set of circumstances. We were basically being “set up”, but he was “checking me out” first. Does that make any sense
?
Anyway, we ended up going out after church with some mutual friends and the rest…is history.
I was sure he was “the one” almost immediately, but it took him a little longer to be sure.
17 months after we met, we got married.
Yeah, it was quick.
In some ways, it seems like a lifetime ago; in other ways, the years have flown.
We look so young here…
but I’ll take this…any day.
10 Things That Make Me Smile
March 6, 2011 by · 3 Comments
Writer’s block.
Really, this is happening again
?
First, I’m not even sure what happened to my day.
After church, I came home, made lunch, and
took a nap. Then Tobin and I had a meeting for an hour or so. We came home, got Mae ready for bed, talked awhile, and now it’s 10:15?
I think someone’ s playing a trick on me.
When I told my hubby I was going to blog seven days a week for a year, he basically thought I was crazy. And for six weeks, I’ve been able to keep up.
Today was the first time I let the thought enter my mind that
maybe I should take Sundays off.
I mean, God did…so why shouldn’t I?
I don’t want to, though. I like a challenge…and when I set a goal, I don’t like to give up on it, especially so soon.
But I don’t just want to type garbage either.
(I’ll get to some actual content soon, I promise!)
I looked up a few survey options for blogs and thought they were all stupid. I thought about talking about all the airplanes I’ve been on instead of the airports I’ve been to. I even thought about blogging all about my dogs, which I will do eventually.
But all of those require too much brain power…and I’m not sure I could even compile a list of all the airplanes I’ ve flown on if I tried.
( The airports took long enough!
:))
So, I bring you another top 10 list…yes, two in a week.
Sorry about that.
10 Things That Make Me Smile
10. Watching my dogs, Andre and Sammy, wrestle outside.
9. Coffee and a long chat with a friend.
8. (Somewhat) green grass in my yard and the promise that (maybe?) spring is on its way?
7. Really good music.
I loved worship this morning at church.
6. Hoodie weather.
5. Doggie kisses.
4. A house cluttered with baby toys and clothes and gear.
3. My hubby’s silly sense of humor.
2. My daughter’s laugh.
1. A group hug with my family.
Oh, I Laugh!
March 5, 2011 by · 2 Comments
Today’s post is a bit generic.
But because I really love to laugh…
and because right now, I really need to laugh…
here are some reasons for you to laugh!
We had a lot of fun with random signs during our time overseas. It seemed like there was always something to take a picture of for a good laugh later.
And, a few disclaimers: I really loved Indonesia, so this is in no way poking fun at it.
In fact, a couple of these pictures were not even taken there.
One of them…well, if you are one of the few people privileged enough to know how much I hate a certain word, you may NOT use this as your platform to publicly humiliate me. I shall delete your comment faster than you can say that word! 😀 Oh, and there’s one that’s a tad bit inappropriate, nevertheless, SO worth the laugh.
Enjoy…and laugh! It’ s good for the
soul.
First up…You have to look closely, but this is a “manicure set”. Oh, yes…please, someone do my nails with THIS!
I certainly hope that’s not really where the baby is!
I suspect that the reason we found this so funny was because I was pregnant and very sick…and it was some form of entertainment while waiting for my blood test results.
We laughed unnecessarily for way too long.
This wouldn’t have been as good if we weren’t from Minneapolis. It was odd to find it in a mall in Jakarta.
Just my hubby being himself…but it was pretty funny at the time!
As seen at Starbucks: “The Ugly Chicken Crispy Puff. P.S. Ugly But Tastes Yummy!” I never tried it, but boy, did I laugh at this sign.
😀
Thank you for the instructions…just in case I forget.
And…the best for last.
Truthfully, I don’t know why this was so funny.
Well, I do, but you don’t get to know why.
Spotted in Thailand in 2006. NEVER FORGOTTEN by my husband, who will often bring this picture out just to embarrass me.
10 Indonesian Adventures
March 4, 2011 by · 4 Comments
Time for another top 10 post.
So, I bring you…10 Indonesian adventures
I will never forget. (Pardon me in advance if some of these are TMI. I had some solicited help from a certain someone in my house. :)) Oh, and I didn’t even attempt to number these in any particular order. Tobin said it best…they were all adventures for their own reasons.
And even though some of them weren’t fun at the time, I smile now.
10. Using a Squatty Potty. Some would argue that this
is an actual adventure.
I beg to differ…seeing as the first time made me cry. I will spare you the details, only to tell
you that I eventually figured it out and came to the point where I preferred them over regular toilets.
9. Surfing at Kuta Beach. Surfing was always on my Bucket List but kind of one of those things I was afraid to try. But in April 2007, I took a trip to Bali with some friends…and somehow I found the guts to go out, find a surf instructor, and rent a board. Not only did I stand up on the board and actually ride it to shore, I was hooked immediately. I still love to surf…I just need an ocean now.
8. Bukit Lawang. In 2007 I took a trip with some friends to Bukit Lawang in the jungles of Sumatra.
We went on an eight hour hike to see the orangutans in the preserve there and went white water “rafting”…in a raft made of a bunch of rubber inner tubes. It was fun…not necessarily something I’d do again but something everyone should do once if they get a chance. And the orangutans were pretty cool.
7. Being Jane. And while I was on the above trip
? I. just. had. to. be. Jane. Just once. I had always w anted to swing on
a vine, and our guide, though he thought I was crazy, very nicely went out and found me the perfect swinging apparatus.
6. Eating Octopus. While we were in Indonesia, Tobin and I loved eating sushi. (Because there, we could afford it!) We went with some friends to celebrate Tobin’s 30th birthday, and one of them pulled a plate of baby octopuses (octopi?) from the conveyer belt that went by the tables. I have to admit that I was really grossed out but eventually ate it. But really, only for bragging rights. Not something I’d eat again. (I can’t believe how long my hair is in this pic, either!)
5. Taking the Ferry to Singapore. This was an adventure in the worst way possible. Now, I can look back on this particular day and smile. Then? I thought I might die. Anyway, in an effort to save some money, we decided to take the ferry from Batam to Singapore before flying on to Thailand for our Christmas break.
No one warned me about what happens to people on a ferry who get extremely motion sick. Imagine…the most excruciating 60 minutes of your life spent heaving into a garbage can. While the boat goes up and down. And up and down. And up…and down. While all 200+ people in the room watched the extremely sick white girl, wondering if they should take pictures. (Some probably did.) Yeah. I was so sick that once I got off the boat? I laid down on the floor until the line for immigration was shorter. Worst morning EVER. (Oh, and quite obviously, this picture was taken BEFORE the ferry left.)
4. Climbing the Steps of Borobudur.
Anyone for a trip to Indonesi
a?
3. Driving to the Beach. I did not take pictures of this. It is not worth remembering although I am extremely unlikely to forget it. I still have images of the many bus cepat…fast buses…speeding toward us. Each time I was sure we would be crushed…thankfully, each time I was wrong.
In general, drives to the beach were long and slow. One beach was 200 km from where we lived.
(I just made up that number, but I think it’s about right.) That equals about 124 miles…which took us anywhere from 6-8 hours.
Yeah, it was that slow. And full of dodging buses, trucks, motorbikes, carts, and pedestrians. Bonus points to my hubby for keeping us all alive on such trips.
2. Motorbike + Tidal Wave. You can read the full account here. It’s a good one. Let’s just say that for the three years we drove in Indonesia, we had a knack for getting caught in the rain more times than we can possibly count. And one time during our first year, we met a bus. Bus + two bules on motorbike + monstrous puddle = two very wet people + bus full of laughing passengers. Oh, memories.
1. Hiking Tangkuban Parahu in Flip Flops. One time when a friend was visiting, we decided to take her to the volcano about 45 minutes from our house. It was kind of a rainy, cold day there and we figured we’d just go, look around, take some pictures, and then head to the hot springs, which was the real reason we went up there in the first place. However, once we got there, we decided that we should hire a guide to show us around. We thought? That he would take us around the rim, point out a few things, and we’d be done.
Oh, no. Not at all. He took us on a “hike” down to the bottom of the volcano. We were all wearing flip flops. It was wet and muddy. And cold…well, cold for Indonesia. And the best part? We had to hike back up to the top…which re ally is
a story for another day. Now I can say I’ve hiked a volcano in flip flops. More bragging rights.
I heart adventures.
So thankful for the memories.
