Less Words…

This might be the kind of day when I heart-spill a little too much.

So if I do, forgive me. :)

It’s 5:45 in the morning, and I’m up early because…well, because I’m trying to get into a good routine, and as much as I’d love to sleep much, much longer, this is my time to get things done.

I have to admit to you that I wish I were drinking coffee right now. We’ve got a big ‘ol container of Bailey’s Mudslide Coffee Creamer in our fridge right now (it was the only size they had) and OH. Yes, it DOES make me want to drink coffee all day. (As if it takes creamer to do that…) ๐Ÿ˜‰ But, alas, I am not drinking coffee.

YET.

See, I’m also trying to be better about getting up to run early in the morning. I’ve been good during the last few months about doing lots of strength training and cardio/strength, but I need to get back to running more often. And my rule? No coffee til the run is over.

I know. Oh, I know. ‘Tis a bit brutal. ๐Ÿ˜‰

I’m pondering life and love and the fact that my sweet three, almost-four, year-old finishes PK3 today. It has been such a good year for her, and I’m finding myself thinking back to the times when I would finish a year of school; especially when I was younger, I would always be devastated to say goodbye to my teacher. Clearly that emotion has been passed, straight on, to my girlie.

She cried yesterday when she told me she had one more day. I don’t WANNA leave Mrs. H! Or Mrs. B!

And, oh, how there is that piece of me that would gladly let her remain there forever…but we go forward anyway.

And with a few tears because that’s how a lot of us roll, I think, whether we’ll admit it or not.

And along with the whole finishing PK3 thing comes other milestones to remind me that my little girl is growing up so fast. A ballet recital on Sunday in a sparkly costume with her hair all pretty and MAKEUP. So not ready for this one…

Maeballet
A real, kid birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese to celebrate the BIG FOUR. Not ready for that one in a completely different way…

Swimming lessons to come. That one I’m excited for…she’s been asking, and I want it for her.

So many changes every day…the pants get shorter and the cute little shirts don’t cover her belly anymore. Her aqua toenails peek over the edge of he flip flops, and I realize it…

…I wasn’t looking, and she grew up.

So time marches on, and while the snuggles and kisses remain, the I-love-you’s are a daily thing, and we laugh and dance together because it’s just what we do, I know it’s going to change.

That’s the part I don’t want to come.

I think back to the things I’ve always wanted so much for her…

To know that she’s loved so much…

…accepted as she is…

…and beautiful. SO beautiful.

Those things…they start with me.

And God has been doing some things in my heart when it comes to my daughter.

I was in Houston a few weeks ago with some pretty awesome sisters, and during our time there, a friend and I took a little break outside for a bit to sit by the pool in the glorious, Texas sunshine. (You know, that thing we haven’t seen much of in FOREVER here? Yep.) ๐Ÿ˜‰ We were chatting up life…the two of us are in different parenting seasons…and I was soaking in all she had to say. The mama of four daughters, she gets this…

And I admitted to her that I felt like the blog was wearing me down and all I wanted to do was just be mommy. (But please, my readers, don’t run away.) ๐Ÿ˜‰

As we continued to talk, I confessed that I felt like the time and energy I’d spent trying to build and comment and connect had depleted me more than filled me. That was a hard confession because I love…LOVE…this community. I want to be here…writing, sharing, doing life together.

And God isn’t saying to give that up…but He IS saying to step back a little.

That’s why it’s been so quiet in this space. It’s been a word battle anyway lately, but I also haven’t spent as much time at the computer. The majority of my day is spent with my girl…how it should be anyway. And nights are a little different, too…I used to spend them commenting and answering comments and reading blogs…and there’s nothing wrong with that.

But you see, I have a husband, too. He and I are desperately trying to find our dance again. We’ve both kind of forgotten how that looks, but it definitely doesn’t involve computer screens.

It’s such a confusing place to be…knowing I’m meant to be a writer, but being aware that to everything there is a season. And I think it’s my season to write less. A lot less.

I miss connecting with my community as often. I miss the twitter parties and late nights…and while I may show up once in awhile, it’s no longer the commitment I sprint out of praise team for. It’s an added blessing when my day allows it.

And so, for this season, the rough draft still sits. The blog is a bit quieter. And the words flow through my heart more than they do through my fingertips.

But I’m good with that because it’s where I need to be.

And now I need to go…because four miles, a pot of coffee, and a sweet, three year-old princess await me.

Life is so incredibly beautiful…and I don’t want to miss any of it.

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Sig

Comments

  1. All I can say is we, I, your readers love you if you write everyday, every month or just once a year. Spend time with both your sweet daughter and husband. They are the ones God gave you, not only for you to care for but also to uplift and encourage you.

    • You have been such a sweet, constant encouragement to me, friend. I’m so grateful for you, and I’ll still be around. :) And catching up on some certain blogs is something I plan to do soon. :) Love to you!

  2. Love that you are listening and obeying…in all areas, the running, the walking, the daughter, the man! I’ve missed you lately but am glad to know that you will still be around. Hope you enjoyed your run and your coffee. Much love!

    • Love to you, friend! I’m hoping to still jump in on fmfparty once in awhile…and still write because I love that community and all of you so much! Thanks for being such a sweet blessing to me. :) (((hugs)))

  3. Kimberly says:

    Oh those girls….they do grow don’t they ๐Ÿ˜‰ and you will find over and over God calling you back. That has been this year for me for sure. To be home, to have time, to make space for all that was changing. You will never be sad about that. It’s worth any change that comes. So happy to see two beautiful faces that make my heart smile :) proud of you for doing the hardwork. It’s never ever wasted. XO

    • Those words…”It’s never wasted.” Thank you. I picked her up today from PK with tears in my eyes and a smile on my face, thinking of the summer we have ahead of us. I can’t wait to invest in HER…to be with HER. It’s gonna be the best. :) So thankful for you, my sweet friend…for your voxes, prayers, love, friendship. You are a blessing.

  4. Oh, I understand this. In fact, my boy keeps me on my toes and the blog has like stopped. When nap time comes, I nap, too…or just rest. I know some Mommas that can keep up with more, but I’m not one of them. And I’m good with that. You are right, there are seasons. And I don’t want to live regretting what could have been. Enjoy your ballet princess! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • Thank you for that sweet encouragement…I’m really challenged to just embrace this season. To give all of me to her…and if there are words and time in there, do some writing. If not…grace. Lots of it. :) Hope you are doing well, my friend! (((hugs)))

  5. Great picture of the 2 of you!! You are doing what God is calling – I believe that He won’t allow those open doors to new opportunities if we are willing to walk in faith in the difficult times…so you are doing that now and I am excited to see where He will take you next in His time! :)

  6. So incredibly PROUD of you, Mel! Your example is inspiring, especially being the “newbie” that I am to the blogging world. Reading your words, watching your life example-it’s inspiring because it’s real-life & applicable to me! This season of rest I’m in, it’s a hard one, because I fear losing traction in my writing; yet God never fails to give me the words, for the posts I’ve committed to writing. Oh that I would learn to trust that when He says it’s best, it really, truly is (what ever “it” may be… right now it’s rest). Anyway, Love your heart & your words when you share them! So grateful to have connected with you here & am immensely blessed by your transparency! (Pray for me, my hearts desire is to be a birth-mamma & trusting God’s timing is difficult, yet best! I look at you & your beautiful daughter & smile so big inside & out-because you have the same gift I am trusting God to bless me with!! Cherish her! xo) Love to you! ?

    • sorry for the “?” it was a typo! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • I fear the whole “season of rest”, too…I’m scared I’ll lose all I’ve worked for, but then He reminds me that the real gift has been the community. And that one is here to stay, words or no words. My heart desperately needed that realization…and it brought freedom. :) Thank you for your sweet encouragement today, friend! And absolutely…you are in my prayers as you wait and trust in His timing. Believing that He has GOOD plans for you! (((BIG HUGS))) Love to you!

  7. Oh, I love you, friend!!!

  8. Oh Mel, these are the words I needed to hear today! This is where I’m at too friend, struggling to find my balance and how to manage it all. But one thing I will say, is that you will never ever look back and regret the time you took to spend with your family. Kids grow up so fast! My oldest is 13 now, and out of all the things I look back and feel regret for…never once has it been the times when I stepped away from the blogging world, to spend with them. Your words are such a blessing to me, and whether you write everyday, once a month, or once a year….we love you and will be cheering for you all the same :)

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