Worth

So…it’s been way too long since I’ve had a coffee date with a friend withOUT having to chase a little girl around the confines of a Starbucks.

I am, in fact, dying for some girl time and a good cup of coffee, but I guess that will have to wait a bit longer. Tonight, I’ll have to settle for a mug of java and writing to you all from my couch. At least the girl is in bed, and I am semi-able to tune out the Packer game. 😉

It’s been kind of a funky weekend.

We thought we had plans to go

look at a couple cars yesterday morning, but those changed so we ended up having nothing to do. Around 11, Tobin asked if I wanted to go to St. Charles for lunch, and I immediately jumped at the chance. (There are some of the coolest places to eat there…and, truthfully, I was dying to do something.)

So we hopped in the car and drove 30 minutes…only to find this.

People everywhere, not a parking spot to be found…or a free t

able at a restaurant, for that matter.

We turned around, went through the McDonald’s drive-thru (for Tobin and Mae…I ate a Clif bar ;)) and went home.

Fail.

Thankfully there was a bit of redemption to the day.

We had hired two babysitters to come watch Mae that night so we could go to an event that our church organizes called What’s For Dinner? Basically, couples are randomly assigned to groups throughout the year and take turns having dinner with different people. We had a lot of fun…and it was great to get to know some new people. And, as a bonus, Maelie loved her babysitters, and they loved her…so all was good.

Still… definitely a non-normal Saturday.

And today, I’ve just been tired and blah.

It started out okay. I had praise team this morning, but Maelie wanted nothing to do with sitting in church, so once again Tobin spent the service in the nursery with her. And I spent the service feeling guilty. To be honest, those kind of mornings are pretty rough.

So we came home, fed the girl some lunch, played with her a bit, and put her down for her afternoon nap which, thankfully, she took. And it was long.

I puttered around waiting for a friend to stop over to borrow something, and then I decided I just needed to clear my head so I cranked up my iPod and went for a run.

At least it got me thinking….

And as a d isclaimer, th

is is not a pity party. It’s where I am, but if you want, you can go now. I’ll still love you.

It got me thinking about the word Worth.

What is my value to others? Should I have value to others

? Is that what’s important?

This morning I made a passing comment to a friend that sometimes I felt frustrated that I’m just Mel. I’m not reallly, really good at any one thing. I sing, I play guitar and piano, I write, I’m a wife, I’m a mommy…and while I try to do those things well, I don’t always feel like I do.

I spend far too much of my time worrying about what others think of me.

I’m human.

I want my friends to value me and have a place in their lives for me. I want to know that I actually add something to the lives of those around me.

I don’t want to spend my life just being, though there is definitely a time and a place for that.

I guess I just want to feel like I’m worth something.

Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. Hang on with me, k? 😉

I was tossing these ideas around in my head as I jogged around Carpenter Park,and my thoughts went back to 1 Corinthians 13, the Love

chapter. Which, of course, I had to read.

It was humbling to consider these words.

Especially in light of my overly-human characteristics, my desire to be better at things than I am…and sometimes, to be more than the person God created me to be.

There are days when I’d love for someone to think, Wow, she can really sing; or Yikes, she can rock a guitar; or What a great mom.

In the end, though…it’s about love.

I could be all of those things, but if I don’t have love, I am nothing.

Worthless.

I’m not sure I have much to add after that…it definitely gave me something to think about as I search for where I find my worth, my value.

Of all the things I want to be remembered for, I’d most like to be known for Love.

I have a long way to go.

God, help me to Love.