The Outcast

She’d look in the mirror twelve times before leaving for school in

the morning.

How bad is my hair today?

Did I wear these jeans yet this week?

Are my shoes ok

?

What about my makeup?

Eventually she’d force herself to be satisfied and leave for school.

It wasn’t that she had

a problem with her appearance… but everyone else seemed to.

The constant object of ridicule and embarrassment, certain things needed to be acceptable just so she could survive the day.

Maybe they’ll notice that I bought real Keds, the kind with the little blue tab on the back.

Each morning at school was the same…wait in agony for the bell to ring, hoping that maybe someone might talk to her. Or even smile…a smile was ok, too.

Classes were different.

Usually there was someone who might be nice to her, but not always.

Middle school students, especially girls, can be cruel…

Especially to the outcast.

She’d try…oh, would she try.

She’d study hard, get pretty good grades, go out for sports, even attend extra curricular events.

But it didn’t matter.

They always looked at what she didn’t have, not what she had.

The name brand clothes, the right haircut, perfect skin, the star athlete label…all the things she so desperately wanted.

And always…always… she would fall short as

she searched for that place to belong.

The kind of search that squeezed tears from her already-bleeding heart…as she’d face recesses alone, sitting by people at lunch who wouldn’t talk to her…all the while hoping that maybe someone would care.

It was a delicate dance between hopefulness and realism.

And eventually, she gave up.

After all, she was the outcast.

That part of her would always exist, but she’d find ways to cover it.

Like forcing herself to be bubbly and talkative, hoping that maybe someone could see her for the true friend she could be.

Or, an obsession with hair, clothes, and makeup later that might make those who look only at the exterior willing to give her a chance.

Or, finally realizing that the Father loved her so much.

To Him, she wasn’t an outcast.

And accepting that would change her life.