A Journey, Part 1

Today I’m going to open up my heart

in a way I never have before.

There will be some raw, tender moments…and I ask that if you choose to read this that you are careful with my heart.

It can’t take being ripped apart right now, especially by someone who has not been in my shoes.

But I do ask that you read what I write…cause that’s why I write it after all!

But if you don’t want to, that’s ok.

And now that I’ve completely contradicted myself? Let’s go.

I once read a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Life’s a journey,

not a destination.”

So profound, and at the same time, so incorrect…at least for me in the place I am right now.

There is nothing wrong with a journey.

In fact, that’s what I’m going to write about today. I want my journey to be important, to matter, to be life-changing.

But as a believer in Christ, I must never, ever forget that it is the destination that is what’s important. And my destination, my true home, is Heaven. But there is plenty to be said for a believer’s journey and the impact he/she can have on earth.

God has taken me (and my husband) on quite the journey this past year, and I want to share it…truly share it…with you. I would be writing for hours upon hours if I attempted to fit it all into one blog post.

So, instead, I’m breaking it up into who-knows-how-many days.

We shall see. :)

This journey is one of faith, of validation, of assurance, of a search for Truth.

You see, my husband and I have been what the world would term Christians for most of our lives. We were both taught at an early age that Jesus died for our sins, that he rose again, and because of this, we could have eternal life in Heaven someday.

We know that…it has been ingrained and implanted in us for years.

We can give you the plan of salvation in a minute flat, Scripture included.

We know the answers for most situations and how to back them up with verses.

We can even flip our way through the Bible faster than most of you can. Ok, ok…so that’s not a fair judgment…I’m just sayin’. :) It’s pretty stinkin’ fast. It would be fun to have a contest sometime, though!

However, a few years ago, things started to shake a little…figuratively. And looking back, we see this shaking as a blessing in disguise.

We realized that we knew SO MUCH…but had no idea why we believed it.

We had been living in a more non-denominational community and were amazed by the things we learned. Forgive me for what I’m about to share…but bear with me.

Because I’m not lying.

The crux of it is that we came to a quite sudden realization that not just Baptists would be in Heaven.

Go ahead and pick yourself up off the floor…it’s ok. So we were kind of (or completely) raised to think we were right, and no one else was.

And before continuing with this thought, you need to know that the idea had been in our minds for quite awhile, though we’d never really talked about it.

The last church we attended in M

innesota was a Baptist church that was balanced and very Biblical. (And pretty amazing, too. Love you all at ABC. :))

However, suddenly we were around Christians from all types of backgrounds and denominations…and these people believed just like we did.

(Well, maybe without all the stuffy rules that we’d been guilted into following for years.) These people were passionate, on fire, and dedicated to loving the Father.

They put me and my rule-following to shame.

Shame.

As we got to know them and realized how much they loved God, we began to feel that we’d been deceived but didn’t know how to communicate that. And so, to a certain extent, we shut down.

And then after Indonesia, we moved to a new place. We knew no one…and we also knew that there was no better place for us to continue this journey.

Because here we were…in our 30’s.

And searching.

For what, we had no idea. But we knew God would show us in His time.

Part 2 tomorrow: Losing the denomination and following Him.

Sig

More Random (This Time With Pictures!)

Just not feeling the depth today. I’ve got a post that’s about half finished, and you may see it sometime in the next week. To say that it’s deep is an understatement…it contains so much heart-spilling that I need to be careful about how I say things and what I share…another reason that I’m waiting it out to make sure it’s okay. Ya know?

But, really, my random is a fun peek into the inner workings of Mel’s ever-racing brain.

How can that NOT be enjoyable?! AND I’m kinda enjoying the random Saturdays. Maybe we’re finally getting into a blogging groove.

First up? Seriously, world, abandon ALL hygrometers. (Ok, ok, so I really wanted you to think I was smart, but even I am not that smart.

A hygrometer is what’s used to measure humidity. Thank you, thank you Wikipedia.

:)) Anyway, with Mel’s head, you will never need one again. Oh. My. Goodness. I diffused it for LESS than two minutes…and this picture was taken AFTER I calmed it down with the help of some serious hair gel and a straigtener. Even my daughter laughed at me, and I am not kidding. Tobin was there and can testify. THIS is why I rarely leave it curly.

Yesterday at Target I found 10 episodes of Punky Brewster for $4something. Awesome. Does anyone else remember that show

? It has been a happy couple of days in the Schroeder house. Even Mae watched an episode with me.

😉

I dug out the volleyball today so Tob and I could bump it around a bit before the big volleyball tournament next month. I haven’t touched a volleyball since before getting pregnant with Mae. Oh, wow, I have some practicing to do!

I woke up this morning craving sausag

e. Sausage. Really?! Who craves sausage? Just sayin’. And I didn’t eat it cause we didn’t have any, but don’t think I wasn’t slightly grumpy about that. I had a brownie instead, which wasn’t a terrible trade-off.

Caribou has buy one get one free drinks this weekend, which is pretty sweet. So we had a short coffee date after our weekly run to Target.

Just FYI, don’t order the White Berry Cooler made with Dark Chocolate. It pretty much tastes like cough syrup after the first few drinks. (However, ordering it also kept me from drinking the whole thing, so there ya go…we’re lookin’ on the bright side.

:))

Do you see this ugly sign in our yard? Yeah, we’re ready to see it GO AWAY!!!!! Will you pray that this coming week that will happen? It could, and we would LOVE for it to be gone!

The last few Oprah shows are this week. I can’t say I’ve watched her religiously this year…I guess missing five years straight kind of weaned me from the need to watch every day. However, I am a bit sad on many levels. Sometimes, she had really good shows.

I’m sad that I will never get to go to a taping, although I tried multiple times! I hope she uses her seriously powerful influence in a good way. I am looking forward to the Farewell Oprah party at a friend’ s hou

se, though. :)

And my favorite random for last…Maelie’s scrunchy face. Seriously, I love this face. She got it from me…which I am extremely proud of.

Yay for my UH-dorable daughter! And a picture that should make your weekend complete.

Happy Saturday to all of you!

Sig

Five Minute Friday: When Seasons Change

Today I’ m linking up with the Gypsy Ma

ma for Five Minute Friday. Join me!

And for more great Five Minute Friday stories, click here!

Oh, and the guidelines: Write for five minutes.

No editing, revising, or worrying.

Just write. There is no right or wrong.

Today’s Topic: When Seasons Change

When I saw today’s topic, my heart sank.

It isn’t that I don’t like seasons…it’s just that the word brings back painful memories.

Is it wrong to revisit the past and reflect on difficult times of change

?

Today I’m going to say no and let myself remember…but only for five minutes. :)

Two years ago, Tobin and I were in the midst of heartbreak.

An adoption that fell through just weeks before the baby was due.

Wondering what our future looked like and if it even included children.

It was a time that made us question things and wonder what was wrong with us.

We tried so hard to trust through that season…to make sense of the deep, suffocating winter from which we could not escape.

God was near…and I knew it, but that didn’t make it easy. For weeks I cried myself to sleep…but I was never alone. Yes, Tobin was there. :) But there were also nights when I felt God’s presence in a powerful way and could hear His voice. I’ve got you, Mel.

It’s going to be okay.

And He has made that presence known through so many other seasons of change. Some have been wonderful, some have been difficult, but He’s always been there.

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced,
Teaching us to breathe.


And what was frozen through is newly purposed,
Turning all things green.


So it is with You, and how You make me new
With every season’s change.
And so it will be, as You are recreating me,
Summer, Autumn, Winter, Spring.

(from “Every Season” by Nichole Nordeman)

Sig

Diet Coke and Sunshine

Today’s coffee/Diet Coke date is happening outside. We shall see how long it lasts…the skies look a little iffy.

Before I start baring my soul, though, I need to share this one piece of sheer wisdom. I know you will be impressed.

Burger King = STUPID; McDonald’s = GENIUS

Why, you ask?

Because at McDonald’s I can get my huge Diet Coke for a buck. $1!

At BK? $2.19.

So wrong.

Ok, I’m done with that tangent, but please remember this piece of wisdom should you need to run through a drive-thru. Ok, that is all.

If you hopped over today, you’d find a semi-stressed out mommy. That’s what happens when Mae and I are stuck at home for three days in a row.

We did get out today, but she was less than content. I think it may h ave

had something to do with her favorite person not being at Bible Study today, but for whatever reason, she was a little spitfire. Fussy, getting into things…just cranky in general.

I know, I know. She’s just being 11 months old.

I know I need patience and infinite amounts of grace for this. Please, God, send them my way!

We did have a fun lunch with friends who played peek-a-boo with her and kept her somewhat entertained. But really, once Maelie has decided that crabby is the way to go, there is no turning back. Thankfully she is now down for a (hopefully) long nap which should cure any crabby tendencies.

And as a side note, I am so thankful for friends who extend grace to me on days when I feel like the worst in my parenting is brought out. So, thank you all of you…you know who you are. :)

And Maelie and I had some sweet cuddle time while she took her bottle before her nap so I can’t say the day was all bad. I love it when she snuggles…which isn’ t very of

ten anymore, so that time is so precious.

Unfortunately, her nap was just interrupted by two neighborhood dogs who got loose and were running around our yard making Andre and Sammy absolutely crazy. Tons of barking = no more nap.

I am leaving her in her crib for a few, hoping that maybe she will go back to sleep. My hopes are not very high, though.

It’s times like these that I’m tempted to get frustrated and really tell off some people, especially since I actually met the owner of the dogs, but then I remember something.

Yeah, I have dogs, too.

And what was it, Monday

? Sammy got loose and ran down to the river.

Just as mercy has so often been extended to me, now it’ s my turn to extend

some. I guess lessons can come in many different forms.

I realized today that I need to pull out my day planner, something that has been closed and unused for the last year. I guess that means my life is filling up again, and that is such a good feeling. We have a couple trips to look forward

to this summer, VBS, weekly get-togethers at parks, and other commitments at church.

It feels good to have a life again. :)

My husband totally made my week…probably my year…or even my life…on Tuesday night.

I’ll refrain from going into details, but basically a series of e-mails spurred a conversation between us about love.

That’s right, L-O-V-E.

One thing you need to know about my hubby is that I know he loves me.

He does so many things for me

to prove that every day, and I don’t need to be told that he loves me to believe it.

But sometimes it’s nice to hear.

And on Tuesday night we were just hanging out and chatting, and he was talking about how much he enjoys the life we have and how thankful he is that God brought us here. And then he said, in my paraphrased words, “Yeah, work can be stressful sometimes. But I love that I get to come home to you and our daughter. I’m just so happy right now…I love life.”

Those few sentences meant more to me than any gift

he could ever buy me, any nice thing he could ever do for me.

I’m going to hold them in my heart forever…because that night forgiveness happened.

There had been a few little things that I’d been hanging on to…wanting to make sure that he made them right so I could get over them. And I know that’s not right on my part, but in my selfishness, I wanted some redemption for some things that I thought I deserved.

It was SO COOL to literally watch those offenses melt away. And they haven’t been back.

I love my man…not just for who he is as a husband and father, but because of who he’s allowing God to help him become. What a gift.

I kinda want to end there…just cause I love a happy ending. :)

But we need a happy ending, and so I’m asking you to please, please pray for our house situation. There have been some recent developments, through no fault of our own, that could jeopardize everything.

Part of me is angry, and I am trying desperately to squelch that

and TRUST. I know that everything will work out, but we so, so badly want to stay here, to raise our little girl here, to have our life here.

And He hears the desires of my heart.

Thanks for praying.

Sig

A Little Less Indonesian

This morning while driving, I stopped at a stop sign. (Novel idea, righ

t? ;))

Then I looked Left. Right. Left.

Another novel idea.

And then my heart skipped a beat.

It finally happened.

My Indonesian driving habits and instincts are finally disappearing.

M any, especi

ally those who have experienced driving in Indonesia, understand this to be a good thing. And probably a much safer thing.

I see it as yet another piece of my identity gone.

When I moved back to America, I wanted nothing more than to fit in.

But I also embraced those tiny little things that made me not quite American. My insane love for rice (thankfully, I still have that one), my use of the words aduh and apa, my sometimes-confusion at which side of the car I should go to, how I intentionally tried to not take certain things for granted…like working stoplights and a lack of cockroaches.

:)

I’m not sure who I am anymore.

Everything in me wants to be American with a bit of Indonesian thrown in there. I want to hang on to those things that I believe define me…the girl who lived in Indonesia, the girl who will try just about anything once, the girl who is special because her life has been so crazy.

I’m struggling with those beliefs and the reality of the things I’ve let define me.

My identity is not truly found in any of those.

It is, instead, found in my Father. Or, at least, it should be.

I look back on Indonesia with fondness.

At times I miss it. Other times, I ache for it.

Always, always, I am thankful to be here.

But once in awhile, I wish I was there. To maybe soak up a little more of that Indonesian-ness that is so truly unique…so that I don’t forget it. To be the bule that stands out in a crowd and makes random strangers want to take her picture…and maybe take one for myself so I can remember. And selfishly, to go purse shopping.

(Oh, I did love the purses

there! :))

But I am here and thankful. And when those little things start to go away, I am reminded that no matter what,

I am His.

He sees me not as A

merican or American with a little Indonesian or Indonesian wannabe.

He sees me as His child.

And no matter who I am or who I become, I will always be that.

Sig

Wordless

For weeks I have felt the words burning on the tip of my..well, fingertips. 😉

I know what I want to say, but I can’t say it.

I feel all of the emotions that go along with those words, but I can’t express them.

My heart is ready to share, but for whatever reason it’s not happening. I don’t know how to be able to communicate something when the words just aren’t there.

I feel like there’s been a collision of some sort inside me…my normal, don’t-step-on-anyone’s-toes conscience colliding with my you-need-to-share-what’s-going-on-no-matter-what heart.

But as any writer knows, I can’t force the words. I can’t tell a story that’s not ready to be told…nor can I share emotions that I can’t understand.

I told myself to write every day for a year, not thinking I would ever experience this kind of writer’s block. It’s brutal…and I’m starting to wonder if the words will ever be back.

But I also know myself and the things I am passionate about…and so I know the words will return.

I have to trust what I know even when I’m not feeling it.

I’m a writer, it’s very much a part of who I am…and that’s not going anywhere.

So today, I write about not being able to

write.

Maybe soon, I will actually write.

Maybe tomorrow.

And if anyone has been dying to do a guest post for me, now would be an excellent time to volunteer!

😉

Anyone?

Anyone?

Sig

Christ is Risen Indeed!

We sang this song in church yesterday at our Celebration Service. (I haven’t mentioned it, but I LOVE it that we are still celebrating Easter at Immanuel!) I can’t get it out of my head…in fact, I’m expecting my daughter to break into singing it at any moment.

😉

Have a listen.

:)

Chr ist

is Risen Indeed
Matt Boswell

What a morning when the silence turned to singing;
What rejoicing on the third appointed day.
The cross exhausted all its cruelty and its power,
But love declared its victory and rolled the stone away.

Christ is risen, he is

risen indeed!
Death has been defeated, and the grave has lost its sting;
Hallelujah, with the angels we will sing;
Christ is risen,

Christ is risen indeed!

Such a hope we have in Christ, the resurrection;
Such a joy to know by grace we’ ve been redeemed.


Through Christ we died a death to sin and all its folly,
But glorified, we will rise, to live eternally.

Christ is risen, he is risen indeed!


Death has been defeated, and the grave has lost its sting;
Hallelujah, with the angels we will sing;
Christ is risen, Christ is risen indeed!

Salvation and immortal praise to our victorious King,
Let the heavens and the earth with glad hosannas ring!

Christ is risen, he is risen indeed!


Death has been defeated, and the grave has lost its sting;
Hallelujah, with the angels we will sing;
Christ is risen, Christ is risen indeed!

Sig

Bakin’ Whoopie

Hi friends.

So, I’m going to use today to promote my friend Lex’s blog and new business called Bakin’ Whoopie.  I think the name is genius.

(And the idea

~~ –>

? Even better.)

Agreed?

I thought so.

Lex makes the best whoopie pies…they are so, so mmmmmmm. (Really, I can’t describe them any other way.) You can read about some of the different flavors on her order page…there are many more to come,

too.

The chocolate chip are my personal favorite, but I think the s’more are great, too.

(And I heard a rumor about a root beer one, but I haven’t tried it yet.)

If you’re one of those poor, unfortunate souls who has never had a whoopie pie, you need to run out and find one…FAST.

Really, they’ re life-changing.

And eating one (or six!) just makes the day a whole lot better.

I hope you’ll hop over here and check out what’s goin’ on in the land of Bakin’ Whoopie. Leave her some comment love, and you could win a cool sticker.

(Which very few people have right now, so it could be a collector’s item someday!)

Th anks

a bunch!

😀

Sig

Rockin’ the Random

Seriously, my brain must be exhausted.

‘Cause other than a way deep post that might make it to the blog tomorrow, the only things left swimming around in my brain are random.

So random is what you get tonight!

I got my eyes checked today for the first time in, I don’t know, eight years? I sort of got lectured, too, on the importance of having them checked once. a. year.

Really?

Is this news to anyone else?

The good news…my eyesight has actually improved. YAY! The bad…I still need glasses. (insert sarcasm) YAY! Which is not really a surprise since I knew I should be wearing them for the last several years but just never did. My new ones are cute, though.

A little funky.

Let’s just say they make me look like a writer. Which is what I am, so it’s all good. :)

I should get them next week, and if you’re lucky, maybe you’ll get a pic. Maybe. If you’re nice.

One of my dogs is deathly afraid of thunderstorms. Which is shocking to us because it stormed ALL the time in Indonesia, and both of the dogs were just fine during those storms. We got hit with a crazy storm on Wednesday…and Sammy proved to me just how tough he is not. For half an hour I was racing around the house trying to get a bunch of things done before waking up Maelie so we could go pick up Tobin from work.

That dog would not back off me at all.

Not only did he need to be close to me, he needed to be touching me.

He just could not settle down. And I have no idea what happened or why he is suddenly afraid.

Any thoughts on that?

Our Maelie girl is 11 months old today. And that’s all I have to say about that because I really can’ t believe i

t. And she proved what a big girl she is today by taking TWO naps IN HER CRIB.

(FYI: This is an extremely rare occurrence.) I am so proud of her.

:) And thinking that maybe, just maybe, we are nearing what people would term “normal”.

I am not a fan of the weather today. After three days in the 80’s and one in the 70’s, it is not ok that today is in the 50’s! I am cold. Yet I do not want to wear socks. Therefore, my feet are very cold.

Hmph! It’s. Not. Fair.

And for whatever reason, I have been dying to watch Confessions of a Shopaholic.

(I own it, but it’s oh-so-much-more-fun with a friend!) I actually really enjoyed the books, but they didn’t make the luggage cut when we moved back from Indo, so I haven’t read them recently.

Funny storylines, but definitely written by an author who is a little more “free” with her language.

But if you can get past that, totally hilarious books.

What, I’m writing book reviews now? (Hey…that could be an idea…)

Um, maybe not.

At least not now, although I did read an excellent book this week that maybe I’ll talk about later. :)

I really should go. I have a lot to get done tonight before a busy morning at church tomorrow.

Hope you all are having a fantastic weekend.

Thanks for reading!

Sig

Five Minute Friday: Deep Breath

Today I’m linking up with the Gypsy Mama for Five Minute Friday. Join me!

And for more great Five Minute Friday stories, click here!

Oh, and the guidelines: Write for five minutes.

No editing, revising, or worrying. Just write. There is no right or wrong.

Today’s Topic: Deep. Breath.

Tonight I take a Deep. Breath.

And reflect.

It’ s been a year.

A year of being a family of three. ( Plus two doggies.

:)) A year (almost!) of my wonderful daughter.

A year of readjusting to being American. Almost a year of living in a new place…a place I have grown to love SO, SO much more than I ever thought possible.

A year of change as we’ve examined our fa ith and what

it truly means.

A year of amazing blessings in the form of new friends (and old ones, too!) who have had a profound impact on me.

And so this Deep. Breath. makes me smile.

And then I pause and take another Deep. Breath. This one causes a familiar ache in my heart.

That ache remembers friends left behind, many whom I will never see again.

Tears fill my eyes as I remember last hugs, promises, and the words, “I’ll never forget you.” And I haven’t. But I am scared that I will forget faces and that memories will fade. I don’t want them to.

This Deep. Breath. makes me hurt.

But then I take one more Deep. Breath. This one makes my heart sing because I’m reminded of the things God has been teaching me this year. The lessons have not been easy, nor are they over. He is shaping me, molding me, slowly making me into the woman He wants me to be. I hope my heart is tender enough for all of that.

This final Deep. Breath. gives me hope.

Sig