Hey friends.
I’m sitting here with my Diet Pepsi, wondering how long my eyes are going to remain open.
It’s been a busy day. Bible study and awe som
e, made-me-think-too-much video; hanging with the girl and squelching some crabbiness (thankful for naps!); getting some things done around here including making dinner for hubby and Mae; picking Tobin up from work; hair appointment; praise team.
Whew. I’m tired.
It’s been an emotional week.
Good stuff…some of it.
Some not so.
I’m hurting. I’m trying so hard not to dwell on the impending death of a friend.
I can’t believe the ache and tightness I feel in my chest when I think of her family and friends surrounding her, walking her Home. And letting her go. On the flip side, I truly smile with JOY when I think of her pain free, body completely healed, in the presence
of her Savior.
It’s a strange paradox to smile through pain.
And Sara consumes most of my thoughts and prayers these days.
I am thankful for that and what He is teaching me about JOY when things are hard.
When we don’t understand. When we can’t see but know that He can.
So I finished my song…the one I’ve been working on for two years.
(That bold line above is directly from it.) I was literally waiting on the bridge for two years, and it finally came two weeks ago.
I have to admit that I’m happy with how it turned out.
There are two people I want to hear it…then maybe I’ll post it here.
But I also admit to you that I’m not a songwriter or, really, a singer for that matter. I’ve wrestled with why I was even writing it for a long time because I have no intention at this time of doing anything with it.
I think it may have been part of the healing process for me in dealing with the losses through our failed adoption and miscarriage.
My heart feels more ready to move on now, if that makes sense. 😀 (Yeah, there’s a smile. A big one. Because I’m choosing JOY today.)
In “finishing” it, (aka: being able to chord it on the piano and sing it at the same time…yay for multitasking!) I feel like God is preparing our hearts to start praying about the adoption road again.
Two years ago, we swore we’d never repeat it…and yet, time does heal.
And He heals.
Praise God.
We really have no idea what the future holds for us as a family, but we know that our Father does.
And that’s enough. So right now, we’re praying. Just praying. Taking things slowly and waiting on His timing.
Thanks for praying for us, too, friends. 
And because this is getting way too heavy…
This week I got rid of all the bad food in the house. (Ok, I need to rephrase that.
There’s still a little in the house because the other two residents need to survive!) I’m drinking protein shakes, eating a LOT better, and treating myself with the occasional Clif Bar.
Four days later my pants are already looser.
Woot woot! (However, I do not want my weight to become an obsession, so we’re not going to talk about it
too much on here. If you’re that interested, e-mail me. ;))
I will say, though, that I am very thankful
that I somewhat enjoy working out and eating things like rice cakes and zucchini. True story.
This has been a random collision of emotions tonight. Thanks for riding along.
Some nights my thoughts are allowed to be all over the place, right? 😉
G’nite, friends. You bless me.
Speak Your Mind