Thursday Thoughts

August 23, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Hmmmm…that’s such nifty alliteration.

Ahem.

Actually, no. I didn’t even think about it ’til it was already written. That could potentially make me even more cool.

It was my first normal Thursday…”normal” as in Bible study, lunch with friends, playtime for Mae, minus the guitar lesson today…but, still. It’s nice to be back to the only form of routine we know.

I still really love Thursdays. :)

I’m not throwing coffee into the mix tonight, though. I’ve been extra tired since last week and figured I don’t need to add anything that may potentially keep me up. Right now, Sleep. Is. Good. :)

Today was a day of unexpected blessings. Seeing a dear friend at Bible study…and being able to connect with her a bit. I’d missed her. A get-together tonight with some friends, which I decided to attend almost-last-minute. It ended up being really, really good…nice to chat with people I don’t always see. Some time to catch up with a dear friend…she always makes me smile.

There was also time to process this afternoon. I really use that word too much…no worries, I’m completely aware of it! :)

I’m getting restless, and I know it. I love my daughter so much. The days we spend together are wonderful, even the tough ones, and I wouldn’t trade being home with her for anything.

But I need an outlet.

I was hoping it would be my book. You know, that thing I’d planned to have finished several months ago? Yeah, that one.

Unfortunately, I can’t always just pull words out of nowhere.

I can’t fix my laptop (the one that seems to have gone permanently ka-put) so I can actually write from the couch or in bed…I only get so much done sitting in a chair at a computer desk.

Maybe the one thing I can do is try to get a little boost of confidence from somewhere. A writer’s group, maybe? A friend passed on some info today about one. I think it’s time. I need to decide if I’m going somewhere with this or not.

It seems like everyone out there thinks they can write a book. I know that was a pretty general statement…it’s just that I so badly want it to be me. The one who actually finishes what she started and maybe even sells it.

It seems like such a far-off dream.

I’ve always been ok with being a dreamer, but I’m also realizing more and more that I need to decide.

I hate the unfinished.

For now, while I wait for the words to return, I’ll putter around here. Sometimes deep, sometimes not.

But always…always…I’ll be me.

This place is still my heart. And I hope you’ll still stop by.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, friends, just life, random, where I am, writing

Full of Words

August 6, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

I am, actually.

But taking them and turning them into coherent, thought-provoking sentences?

Not as much.

I think I might be getting there, though.

In the meantime, tonight I’m letting Wordle do the blogging for me. 😉 It’s a cool site…you plug in whatever words you want, and they make a word cloud out of them…the bigger the word, the more often I used it. It’s actually slightly comical to look at some of the words that I obviously overuse. :) (Oh, and if you click on it, you can see a bigger image.)

And, to make this one, I entered my last 75 blog entries. This is basically my summer in word-cloud form.

Kinda cool. :)

Sig

Filed Under: just life, random, writing

Without a Connection

July 22, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Tobin, Maelie and I spent the last few days up in small-town, out-in-the-middle-of-nowhere, Wisconsin.

The pros: fun people, games, good talks, (way too much) good food, coffee, beautiful house and location, laughs, new friends and old, too, 15-2 Brew…the list could really go on. Lotsa good. :)

The cons: not enough bathrooms, flies, an over-abundance of indoor taxidermy, and almost. zero. internet. 

For about a day, I thought a few of us, Miss Blogger Extraordinaire included, might die. Or at least suffer mentally. (I really hate to miss blogging, especially when I haven’t mentally prepared to actually NOT do it. I know I’m strange…get over it.) 😉

Eventually I had to wrap my mind around the idea that we WEREN’T going to have internet, that if I HAD to get in touch with someone, I’d have to call or text (cell reception was also extremely iffy…did I mention that?), and that if I NEEDED to blog, I’d just have to wait.

You know, that thing I do So. Extremely. Well.

Eventually I (and a lot of other people) had to get over the fact that, for the most part, life outside would have to wait.

I found myself thinking about it less and less by Friday (even though I did have time to blog during the window we actually HAD a connection), and time was spent doing a lot of other things that were more fun. Cribbage playing, catch-up talks, cookie-devouring, horseshoe games (though I just watched), bocce ball, a late-night in-law chat (but there were out-laws there, too. ;))

It was SO good…kinda to the point where I thought, hmmm…what if I try to use the internet less?

Like, a LOT less?

I honestly don’t know what that looks like. As it stands, I’m currently organizing a 5k with someone who’s in another time zone, so I can’t stay disconnected completely. But all that facebooking that I think is so necessary?

I’m thinkin’ not.

In fact, I’m gonna try something…like staying off the internet in the mornings. That’s the chunk of my day that is concentrated most on Mae. I wonder what life will look like if I focus fully on her instead of dividing my attention between her and whatever thoughts are begging to be blogged or the magnetic pull online life seems to have on me.

I don’t know how it’s gonna go.

Really.

And I’m not making promises…just talking aloud. :)

But I do know that I’ve got a daughter to love on, and if I let her, she can easily fill up my mornings. Not to mention, our summer days are ticking down quickly, and I’ve still got coffee to drink and friends to chat it up with while Maelie entertains us.

I’m not sure the blog will see less of me in the weeks to come.

But my daughter will definitely see MORE of me.

Because there are other connections I’d like to make besides the internet.

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, family, goals, just life, Maelie, travel, where I am, writing

Currently…

July 6, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

I stumbled onto a blog of a friend of a friend of probably a friend (you get the idea…) awhile ago.

She’s such a good writer, and she does this thing that I’m gonna borrow tonight. :) I like it.

It makes me process, evaluate, think a little, and gives me permission to be a little silly.

Just a little. 😉

So I’m borrowing her ideas, once again, tonight.

Current Reads: Have I mentioned before that my Kindle has turned me into an insane bookworm? I devour books and lose sleep. Like, a lot. Most of the time it’s worth it. In the Presence of My Enemies, by Gracia Burnham, is a book I’m reading for the second time. I’m taking it a lot slower this time around, and it’s still as good this time, too. Read it. Really. I’m also reading Ready or Not by Chautona Havig…it was a freebie borrow from the Kindle store and I have to admit that it’s good. A lot better than I was expecting. It’s my stay-up-late-even-though-I-should-be-sleeping read. Water For Elephants by Sara Gruen is also on my I-really-need-to-finally-read-this list. I am bound and determined to finish it by the end of the month.

Current Playlist: Honestly, whatever’s on KLove. True. I jam in my car…and I jam in the house, but those songs are pretty much the same ones. My running playlist is a little different…still mostly just praise and worship. It’s what I like. What lifts me up and brings me closer to Him. What I need. :)

Current Shame-Inducing Guilty Pleasure: Tanning/lying in “Maelie’s” 12′ x 30″ pool. While she naps. (Not every day, though.) I say I’m unashamed that I do this…and most of the time it’s true, but there are always those self-conscious, my-thighs-look-too-big-in-these-tankini-bottoms thoughts. I need to get over it.

Current Colors: Kelly green. Dying…DYING…for a dress or skirt in this color but have yet to find one. Also really loving my usual brown and blue, the new color scheme for our front living room. JOY! (Now to actually paint it…)

Current Fetish: Clunky shoes. That one never really changes, but this summer, I’ve really loved the clunky flip-flop thing. Dear weather, will you please stay warm and ice-free forever so I can keep wearing ’em? 😉

Current Food: Just finished a chicken wrap about ten minutes ago…does that count? Thinkin’ about the sea salt caramel dark chocolate I have hiding in my fridge at the moment, too. Yes, you should be jealous.

Current Drink: Diet Coke with Lime. Yeah.

Current Wishlist: This jean skirt at Maurices that I completely heart. Oh, my. Oh, NO. Not unless it goes on, like, major clearance! Some type of organizer for all of Maelie’s downstairs toys. I am tired of tripping over them. I have some ideas…now to finance them. An agent. To help me with this whole book thing. So jealous (really) of people who have literary agents. Sometimes a writer just needs someone to believe in them, ya know?

Current Needs: Sleep. To drink more water. Yeah.

Current Triumph: Um…

Current Bane-of-my-Existence: Well, DUH. THE WEATHER!!!

Current Celebrity Crush: More um…

Current Indulgence: It’s pretty sad when I can’t think of an answer to this one, huh? Except for the fact that I eat too much chocolate, I really can’t come up with anything.

Current Mood: A strange mix of happy and pensive. The two, simultaneously, make for a strange Mel. One who probably just needs to crash for the night. 😉

My Current #1 Blessing: This one never changes. I am blessed with the most wonderful hubby and daughter and some pretty great friends, who I consider family. I love them so much!

Current Slang or Saying: Seriously?! Oy…is still on the list. Come on, Mel…lately, I’ve had to talk myself through running long distances. Sure. Those. Nothing exciting, just me.

Current Outfit: denim shorts, white tank top with flowers, brown wedges…which, strangely, I am still wearing. Usually I kick off my shoes as soon as I’m through the door.

Current Link: Honestly, my brain is about fried for the night. I’ll get back to ya on that one. 😉

Current Photo: Aren’t I cute? Don’t answer that. 😉

G’nite, friends!

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, just life, random, uncategorized, where I am, writing

Monday Morning Coffee

June 25, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Hey, friends.

I’ve got a little time this morning, have a cup of coffee in my hands, (well, on the computer desk at the moment :)) and decided it was time to update the blog and coffee-date with you all.

I mean, it’s been a whole 48 hours since I’ve posted anything.

YIKES.

No, seriously, it’s good. Yesterday I intentionally stayed away from posting anything. I have to admit that it felt weird going to bed knowing I hadn’t written, and yet, I knew that if I could do it one day, it would be easier later. :)

It’s a strange freedom. And maybe now that I’ve forced myself to take that step, you’ll get a lot more thoughts worth reading and a lot less fluff. :)

Though this blog is about life, and sometimes life is fluffy. So I hope that on the days it is just that…well, that you’ll laugh with me and keep reading.

Maelie and I are off on an adventure to the farm this afternoon. Our sweet friend is taking us to her parents’ dairy farm a couple hours from here. We won’t be back until Wednesday, so we’ll look forward to sharing pictures of Maelie’s trip to the farm to visit the cows! :)

We’re excited. :)

Yesterday’s project (the magnetic paint/add-some-color-to-the-kitchen one)…is done. Ish.

Just, fyi…should you choose to use magnetic paint: a) stir it REALLY well; b)cover everything (and I do mean everything) you don’t want painted, including yourself…see: Mel’s hands. Hilarious; and c) plan it for a day when everyone else in the house can be outside because the fumes are NAS. TY. Golly, it was bad. (Mucho thanks to our friend who loaned us a fan to clear the place out a little.)

I like how it turned out, though the magnetic part isn’t as strong as we thought it would be, so we may end up adding two more coats and painting over it. Again.

Crazy crazy.

Why is it that home-improvement projects never quite turn out like we picture?

It makes me nervous to attack the front room, which is next on the list. OY…

Thursday is Tobin’s birthday. Sometimes it’s nice that our birthdays are all relatively close together, and other times I wish we could spread out the celebrating a little more. He doesn’t want anything, which doesn’t work so well for this girl who loves to gift-give, but I’ll figure something out. :)

And Saturday…well, I’ll talk more about this later, but we get to see a dear friend from Indonesia…we haven’t seen her for over four years. I have a feeling the tears will flow big time. Oh, Linds, I can’t wait to give you a HUGE hug! :)

Lotsa good stuff goin’ on, and that’s just June! I really love summer. :)

I should get going…some things need to get done before Mae and I head out to party it up on the farm. WOO HOO!

😀

Back soon. Happy Monday to you all!

Sig

Filed Under: adventures, friends, just life, Maelie, Tobin, where I am, writing

Diet Pepsi on the Patio

June 22, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

It’s been a long while since I’ve been able to blog from outside.

Insert sing-song voice…

Guess what?!?!

My. Mac. Is. BACK.

Stop sing-song voice, though I could sing my whole post to you. I just won’t. 😉 

I honestly feel like I’m on borrowed time with it, but after being without it for almost a year, it sure is nice to have my old friend working. Well, at least for now… 😉

So I’m chillin’ on the back patio, drinking my Diet Pepsi, watching Mae play with her new cozy coupe…and it’s a happy, late-Friday morning.

We’re heading to Janesville this afternoon/evening to see some dear Indo-friends. They’re “home” for a short six weeks, squeezing in the wedding of their daughter and sending the other daughter off to college, and then they’ll be moving to Peru. We’ll see them at the wedding, but were hoping to find another time to catch up, too…you know, when the rest of the world doesn’t want to catch up with them at the same time. Though it will be short, we’re really looking forward to it. :) Precious moments like this, no matter how long, are worth the drive.

This weekend I’m hoping to tackle the first of three summer projects I have planned. (There IS a fourth…if I have time.) The first is the smallest…painting a wall in the kitchen with magnetic paint to make up for the lack of magnetic appliances in our kitchen. :) Then I’m painting over it with green to add a little color, too. 

My July projects involve FINALLY painting the front living room…I decided on a blueish color…and organizing Maelie’s clothes and nursery. And if I get REALLY ambitious, de-cluttering the basement is on for August.

We’ll see.

We’re gonna start with buying all the paint we need at once so it will motivate me more to follow through. And I promised myself that once I do the kitchen, I can do a fun painting for it. (Truly, that DOES help motivate me. ;))

On Monday Mae and I are off for two or three days on an adventure I will tell you more about later. We’re really looking forward to it. :) Well, I am. She will love it once we get there.

And…God has kind of been telling me something.

That kind of thing where I don’t necessarily want to listen, but He’s speaking loud and clear, and it’s time for me to obey.

So, insert deep breath…

It’s time for me to quit writing every day.

Golly, did I just say that? 

I have always been intentional about not letting it interfere with time that needs to be spent on other things. However, no matter when, it’s time. 

And that time is taking away from something or someone no matter what I tell myself.

So, starting today, I’m gonna be a normal blogger.

Just fyi, we’re not discussing the word “normal” today. :) 

There might be weeks that I blog five days and weeks that I blog three.

But the honest truth is that I can’t keep this up forever, and while I love to write and share my heart, I don’t want my daughter to know me as a blogger…

I want her to know me as her mommy. 

While I know it won’t make sense to the vast majority of you, it feels like a death. This has been such a part of my daily life for a year and a half.

But it’s time…so here we go.

My Diet Pepsi is gone, and I’m gonna go spend time with my hubby and girl. :)

And…because we couldn’t get her to sit still for a picture, you get Mae in her cozy coupe. 😉

Happy weekend, friends. I’ll be back soon. :)

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, friends, Indonesia, just life, Maelie, where I am, writing

Quit Explaining Everything

May 7, 2012 by · 4 Comments

I had a huge AHA! moment the other day.

Yes, it deserved capital letters in bold. It was that big. Well, at least for me. 😉

I read this blogger a lot. She is funny, she is witty, she’s extremely insightful, and while I don’t always agree with her, I find her honesty and ability to throw it all out there refreshing.

It all started with the story of the student who got kicked out of a certain fundamental university (not mine) for protesting against a member of the university board who had excused/helped hide a devastating crime…a member of his church raping an innocent teenage girl and getting away with it. (This blog post is not about that, and I truthfully don’t know all the details, so I’m not sharing my thoughts…just giving a little background. Google will give you more information should you want to read more.) The university said he was expelled for excessive demerits and for watching Glee. (That made me laugh out loud.)

The whole idea of demerits got this blogger friend of mine thinking…and digging for details. (She’s very good at that.) What followed were three posts wherein she brought to light some of the ridiculous demands of students at this institution. At times I felt she was a bit harsh, having lived a good part of what she wrote about, BUT she had some very, very good points (interspersed with her one-of-a-kind sarcasm), especially in her last post.

It was as if she took the confusion and questioning and anger that swirled around in me for a decade and finally gave me some peace. Or God gave the peace and she helped…either way, I think I found it a little. Anyway, you can read the article here.

For the most part, I nodded my head in agreement. And then the light bulb came on right in front of my eyes, and I could suddenly see. (Sight is a novel idea. Really.)

It. Was. Amazing.

Truly.

An excerpt:

“What happens when you live like this is that you never develop your own decision-making skills. 

You’re constantly seeking prior approval for everything. After awhile, you can’t LIVE without permission. You begin to panic when faced with a decision–how will you ever make this decision without approval/permission from the “God-given authorities” in your life?!

One of the things I had to work on in therapy was not apologizing for everything and also not feeling compelled to explain everything I did. I had been raised to believe every decision Reverberated Through Eternity! and so I was always ready with “Biblical reasons” for ANY decision I made. It was like I couldn’t do something without a Bible verse to back it up.”

–from elizabethesther.com

So, that’s kind of me.

In general, I worry that every move I make is being watched, judged, and should I slip up…or even think I’ve slipped up…an apology is immediately necessary as is groveling and shame.

There’s something wrong with that.

A couple of months ago I started recapping our anniversary trip. When I posted pictures of Spain, there was this certain picture…one that Tobin and I talked about at length before posting it.

That’s because it had a bottle of wine in it. And, yes, we did drink the wine if any of you have been speculating. Now you know. 😉

I felt like I needed some sort of explanation…or apology. As I expressed that to my husband, the one who is surprisingly far more balanced than I am, he was like, No. No, you don’t need to explain anything.

And the fact is…no, I didn’t. We drank wine on our trip. We drink wine here in the States, too. 😉

It is a personal decision, one we don’t feel violates anything Biblical, and it’s not up for judgment or analyzing. It is what it is.

Next week I’m going to see The Hunger Games. After spending over a decade of my life sneaking around, never admitting that I actually go to movies, I’m gonna tell you that I do, in fact, go to the theater AND that I’m pretty excited about seeing it on the big screen! And no explanation necessary.

I went out and bought a new pair of jeans last week. I needed them, and that’s that. For some reason, I even felt that I needed to explain that decision. And. I. Don’t. My butt was too small for most of my current jeans (not sure I will EVER type that sentence again!) and so I went out and bought what I couldn’t find at Goodwill.

And, not like you needed even that much info, but that’s that.

Though I don’t use profanity on my blog, occasionally I’ll use a word that some may deem inappropriate. I’ll never forget the day after I used the word fart. I do believe I actually wrote an entire post the next day, apologizing for my use of the word.

Golly, Mel. Quit Apologizing!

There are facts…

That no matter what we do, people will judge.

That there’s not a person in the world who will share every single thought and opinion of mine.

That I’m the one who’s held accountable for my actions, words, thoughts…not anyone else.

So, that’s a new goal of mine…to explain and apologize less.

To live a little more…live according to what God wants and to forget about what others think.

Easier said than done, I know. But it is a start.

And if you’re interested, tomorrow (or the next day) I’m posting about a seriously GOOD moment I had a couple weeks ago when I drove by my old college. It took me awhile to process, but I’m looking forward to sharing it.

Sig

Filed Under: just life, what I'm learning, where I am, writing

Five-Minute Friday: Real

May 4, 2012 by · 1 Comment

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo at The Gypsy Mama for Five-Minute Friday.

Join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, or overthinking. Just write.

Today’s Topic: Real

I am a person who doesn’t typically have a problem being real. I’ll tell you the details of my day, laugh over the crazy things that happened, cry over what hurts, and just generally give you what’s on my heart. It’s how I connect, how I love, how I’m real. 

Sometimes I think it bothers people when I truly open up. Maybe, as a general rule, people are comfortable with NOT knowing everything. I could, in fact be one of those rare finds…because I want to know about what’s going on in your life…

So I can know you, pray for you, love you by caring about you.

I’ve found…in the many places life has taken us, in the midst of the unpredictable, in the thrills of this life that is a roller coaster…that being real is what creates the deepest, most long-lasting friendships.

Being real is what brings life and love to relationships.

I know there will always be days when I share too much and am a little too honest. It’s just how I am.

But I love that can be real in this community…and so I’ll choose that.

What’s real with you? I’d love to hear. :)

Sig

Filed Under: barefoot, blessings, Five Minute Friday, where I am, writing

Sara’s Story

May 3, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Last September a friend of mine passed away. I’d been faithfully reading her blog for quite awhile, and she was truly one of the most inspiring people I’ve ever known. Even if I never met her.

Because that’s how this works…I feel like I know my sisters and friends through the things they write. Even if we never actually get to exchange hugs in person.

Last weekend, as part of the (in)RL conference, (in)courage featured Sara’s story…the story of this sweet friend. They have graciously made it available to everyone because they believe…and so do I…that it’s something everyone should see.

It’s a bit lengthy…around 30 minutes…but I promise you. I PROMISE. You won’t regret it and it WON’T be wasted time. I think it’s life-changing. (But, I warn you, have tissues ready.)

Enjoy. :)

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, friends, remembering, writing

(in)Real Life

April 28, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

I spent part of today tuning into an online conference with two of my good friends.

I’ve been looking forward to it for a long time. This blog is one of my favorites, and several months ago when they announced the conference, I knew I wanted to “attend”. What made it different from other blog conferences is that they were structuring it so people would meet up with friends in their own area. No plane tickets and hotel reservations required. :)

Just some coffee, food, and good friends. I can always handle that. 😉

I really, really loved hanging out with Alison and Amanda, two friends from my Monday workout/Thursday Bible study/church. We watched a few sessions, discussed them, and had some good heart-to-hearts…which we all need now and then.

It was a great way to spend the afternoon, and it left me feeling very (in)couraged. (Ok, I’ll admit that was corny.) 😉

At the end of our time we tuned into the last session, a virtual community Bible reading, which I was completely blessed to participate in. It was emotional and inspiring and just COOL seeing people from all over the world reading the same Scripture and hearing our voices blend. I wish I could post the link here, but I’m hoping to at least have it on DVD in the next few weeks so I can share it with friends who are around here.

And even though I blogged about it yesterday, the conference made me more thankful than ever for community. Because we all need that place to belong, that place to just be. Thanks to each of you who have given me just that.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, friends, just life, where I am, writing
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