Being Happy

July 25, 2011 by · 2 Comments

So, in general, I’m a pretty upbe

at person.

I think that’s mostly because I’m an extrovert, energetic, and tend to do crazy things that most people don’t do. Those things (aka: energy) often translate as being happy/upbeat.

I guess that’ s a good thing.

Tonight I was chatting with a friend about happiness, and a few thoughts stuck in my mind. So much that you get to read about being happy instead of a week in pictures…we’ll save that one for tomorrow.

😉

For a long time I struggled finding contentment in day to day life.

This happened mostly once I got married.

Life settled into a routine, and I needed things that would keep it interesting. I guess I get bored easily? A few years later, we headed to Indonesia, which definitely kept life entertaining… and full of surprises, so it was never boring.

Then we moved back…had a baby, moved to a new place, basically started over…and had a year full of change.

Now we are just days away from closing on this house.

It’s exciting, overwhelming, and slightly scary to think about such a commitment.

This is going to be life. And don’t misunderstand me…I love my life.

But sometimes, on those boring days when it seems that routine is trumping fun and spontaneity, it’s easy for me to slump into a short depression.

I’m realizing now, more than ever, that on some days, happiness will need to be a choice I make.

And even if I’m not feeling it, I’ll need to choose to be joyful because of the many ways that I’ve been blessed. And on those happy days when the joy is just bursting, I need to soak up every second of it…and probably spread it to others. (Which usually happens, whether they want it or not!) :)

I also realized that part of happiness is being content with the stage of life I am in.

I’ve had a few good cries lately…weeping.

Literally. (My eyeliner ran…the stuff that lasts all day and can usually handle a cry or two.)

I saw some pictures from Indo that just tugged on my heart, and I sobbed over those people and places that were such an integral part of my life. Tears fell for a time in my life that I can never have again.

The time that was so good, so hard…and so full of memories.

Some days I want Indonesia back…but I still want my life now, too. Funny how we always want more…it seems that way, anyway.

I don’t apologize for crying over Indo…but I do know that I need to appreciate and love each piece of life while choosing to live in the present. Maybe for me, that means not looking at so many pictures of then and focusing on taking snapshots of now. Maybe it means not writing about it so much. (Though I am already working on my book on Indonesia, so we’ll see how that goes.) It definitely means focusing on the many blessings that surround me.

I’m ending this post even though it seems slightly incomplete.

Maybe I’ll finish it another day.

Just my thoughts and where I am tonight.

Love you all.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, Indonesia, what I'm learning, where I am

Never Enough Time

July 17, 2011 by · Leave a Comment

Time is a funny thing.

Sometimes days stretch out, and the hours seem endless. Like those that are just long…when Maelie won’t nap, and it seems like 5:30 will never come so I can have a bit of relief.

Other times it flies. We blink and, suddenly, a year (or more) has passed, and we wonder things…like where our last year in Indonesia went or how our tiny little girl became an (almost) walking, talking toddler.

And no matter what happens with time, it seems like there’ s never enough of it.

We made a quick six hour trip to Janesville today

to visit some dear friends who are home for the summer and about to head back to Indo. We saw them a few weeks ago but wanted to see them again, and today was really the only day that worked for all of us. It was so good…to talk, laugh, process, and pick up a friendship where it left off.

It means so much that they still want to be part of our lives…even though we’re on opposite sides of the world.

 

Toward the end of the evening, Mae was hanging out with Tobin, Gregg, Noah, Jana, and Amie, and Janine and I were having coffee and talking on the patio, and we ended up having one of those deep, I-have-so-needed-this, conversations that happen very rarely. It was a moment I wanted to hang onto forever and prayed that God would multiply the minutes.

 

Of course, those minutes flew…and it was time to go.

So we hugged and said our goodbyes… and that was it.

 

Not enough time…that’s how I’ m feeling after today.

 

I didn’t really cry until we pulled away, but even now the tears brim and threaten to stream down my face.

 

I guess with friends who have walked a path so unknown to most of the people in our lives, there will never be enough time.

 

Just memories and experiences…and the Fa

ther who holds us all together.

And those things have to be enough.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, friends, Indonesia, where I am

Just Me

July 13, 2011 by · Leave a Comment

I sorta started this several days ago. Since my brain is tired and wordless, yet completely sugar-rushed, I’m gonna post it tonight. Here’s everything you (n)ever wanted to know about me.

😉

I’m…Mel. Well, my full first name is Melinda, but for some reason, a lot of people never get that right.

I’ve bee

n called all kinds of names that start with M…Melissa, Melanie, McKenzie, and once…even Minerva (EW!) by my own grandpa. For a long time, I just answered to them. Then I decided, no, I’ll be Mel. It fits me better anyway.

I’m…a writer. At least I want to be. I love to share what’s going on in my heart, but I’ll be honest with you…the past almost-six months have brought out true writer’s block in my life. Dude, sometimes I really don’t have a clue how to even put things into words. But when the words are there, I love to share them.

I’m…a REDEEMED sinner. I blow it every day. I say something mean, I do something unkind, I lose my patience…it proves that I am a helpless sinner saved only by the grace of God.

And that Grace is everything to me.

I’m…a wife and mommy.

I’m blessed to have found the one man in this world who will put up with my quirkiness, wordiness, and silliness…and still find love through all of the patience those things require. And Mae? Well, she puts up with the same…the only difference is that she doesn’ t know i

t all yet!

In all seriousness, my husband and daughter bless my life every single day. I can’t even put into words how much they mean to me and how thankful I am for them.

I’m…a friend. Friendships are necessary for my survival…but I also can’t im agine

my life without my close friends. I need those people willing to love me, do crazy things with me, and most importantly share their hearts with me.

(You thought I was going to say drink coffee with me

? HAHA! Just kidding. Had I added a 4th item, that would have been it. ;)) I love my friends…so if you’re reading this and you’re my friend, then I love you.

I’m…an ENFP. I wear my heart on my sleeve, even online.

I am overly emotional at times, always talking (whether to others or just to myself) and drift toward the drama side of life from time to time. Ask my husband the ISTJ…I can be a challenge to live with.

I’m…a goal-setter who needs help following through. I dream big and expect big things to happen, which isn’t always realistic. I am learning to make more worthwhile goals in life rather than to spend my days flying high on clouds of wishes. (Haha…that was a cheesy sentence. But I’m leaving it anyway. :))

I’m… often afraid. I let fear take over often, even though I pretend to be strong. I often worry about what could happen more than focusing on the blessings right in front of me.

I want to live the present fully and leave the future to my Father.

That is so much easier said than done…but THAT is one of my goals.

My perfect day…is spent with family and/or friends. I love social interaction and go crazy if I’m cooped up in the house too long.

Give me a friend, some coffee, and my wonderful daughter (of course!)…and I can’t imagine a better way to spend a day.

I…question a lot of things.

When I look over the past year, it almost scares me how much things have changed. My hubby and I have spent so much time sifting through everything we were raised believing vs. what God’ s Word actually

says. At times it has been ugly, nasty, and drowning. Thankfully we emerged, core beliefs still in tact, with a lot of answers to the questions we had.

And feeling so much freer than we ever have before.

I’ve…found home. Over the past months as my heart has ached for a place to call home, God has been teaching me that my only true home is Heaven. He gives us places on earth to call ours for awhile…but they are just stops on the journey. I am blessed and so very thankful to call C’ville my home for now…and Heaven my home for good.

I want my tombstone to read…She lived BIG but loved BIGGER. (That’s slightly morbid to think about dying, isn’t it?) True, though. And yeah, I made that up, but I’m pretty sure it’s not original with me.

Life…Is Good.

Sig

Filed Under: just life, where I am

A New Favorite Song

July 11, 2011 by · Leave a Comment

Tonight will be short and sweet.

I had a really great workout with friend s

tonight and now

am enjoying a little “me” time before it all starts again tomorrow.

:)

Laura Story’s song, Blessings, has been a chart topper for a couple months now. I like it still, even though I think it’s slightly overplayed right now. But the message remains the same, and it’s changing people’s lives…that’s what’s important.

A few days ago, a friend posted another song of hers on Facebook, Grace,  and I love it…maybe even as much as Blessings. I think  it’ s becau

se of the place I am in life right now.

Fixing some things.

Trying to refocus.

And definitely leaning heavily on His grace.

But give it a listen…good stuff. Really good.

Have a blessed night!

 

 

 

Sig

Filed Under: encouragement, music, where I am

Mohon Maaf Lahir Batin

July 10, 2011 by · 6 Comments

I learned a lot about the Indonesian culture while living there.

One of the most enlightening times was during Ramadan, the Muslim month of fasting. During this month (for those of you who are unfamiliar) Muslims don’t eat from sun up to sun down but instead focus on prayer and spirituality. (Most don’t even drink water during this time.)

The month concludes with Lebaran or Idul Fitri, a huge all-night celebration. This day is considered the mark of a new beginning or “new year”.

Along with this celebration is a ritual (?) that really makes me think and consider my actions and relationships. They say the following phrase to each other:

Mohon maaf lahir batin…Which translates, roughly, to, “Please forgive me for anything I may have done wrong in the past.”

I like it…a chance to make things right and to start over. An opportunity for each person to be intentional in asking for forgiveness and reconciling with those closest to him/her.

A couple days ago I talked about refocusing my thoughts and words, and I’m praying that it happens. I know it won’t be overnight, but I can work on little things.

And one thing I know I can do is apologize.

I know I get dramatic, heated, and opinionated…and while I believe there can be times when those are ok, I also know I exhibit those characteristics far too often…and crush the toes of others as I spout my thoughts and emotions.

So, Mohon maaf lahir batin. Please forgive me if I’ve said or done anything to offend you either through this blog or otherwise. It was not my intention.

I’m being shaped, pounded, and molded right now…and like it or not, I know it’s needed if I’m to be the person God created me to be.

Thanks for being part of the journey.

I truly am grateful for each of you.

Sig

Filed Under: what I'm learning, where I am

Searching for Importance

July 8, 2011 by · 6 Comments

Today I read possibly the best blog post ever.

It made me cry, it made me think, it made me re-evaluate everything.

You should take a few minutes and read it here. (Plus, if you don’t, then you won’t have a clue what I’m talking about.

:))

****************************

At the end of January I embarked on an adventure. In the past, my adventures have taken me around the globe, pushed my limits, and stretched my emotions. And for this latest adventure, I decided I needed to spend a year blogging my life…the ups, the downs, the joys, the sorrows, the smiles, the tears…the memories.

I just passed the five month mark, and other than a couple of days of giving myself a “pass”, I have blogged my heart out on virtual paper for the world to read every day. The thing with that

? Is that you get me on the good days, the bad ones, the ugly parenting days, the ones when Maelie has been a train wreck, the ones when I’ve been one, too. You also get me when my heart is fragile, when I’m over the moon, when Tobin and I have had a huge blowup, and when I can’t figure out who I am.

And you get a lot more, too. :)

The problem I have with all of that…the world doesn’ t read i

t. Some people do, but not nearly enough…at least in my m

ind.

I let it bug me a lot more than I

let on.

There’s an unwritten expectation in the blogging world that is hard to define. I believe it is best said that when a “wannabe” writer like myself starts a blog, he/she dreams of having a huge audience, tons of comments, and (eventually) generating income.

Hey, we can all dream. :)

But that’s not reality for most of us.

When I started the blog, I had lofty dreams. (insert sarcasm…just lettin’ you know :)) I mean, I’m funny, I’m witty, I’m a great writer…or at least I think I am sometimes. Why wouldn’t anyone want to read what I have to say? Um…

Because there are a lot of people out there who have a lot to say.

And what they have to say is far more interesting than the thoughts swimming around in my head that eventually make it to the blog.

For me, my blog was a search for importance in the midst of the biggest life changes I’d ever experienced. I was trying to figure out being a mommy (still am!), trying to find a place in a community I loved (still do!) but didn’t necessarily completely belong in yet, and trying to wrestle through the emotions of leaving behind one world for another.

I wanted to be someone important, someone who could change the world, even if I wasn’t on the other side of it anymore.

I was searching for validity in all the wrong places…from friends (in-person and online) who might offer some encouragement (and comments!) to other blogs that might let me guest-write.

There’s nothing wrong with that…as long as I don’t find my fulfillment in them.

Somewhere in those five months of hashing out my convictions, dreams, disappointments, victories, and failures, I lost sight of the real point of my blog…and of my life.

To glorify my Father.

The One Who said, Hey, I’m going to give this girl a teeny bit of writing talent. I want her to use it for Me.

It’s almost as if I threw it back in His face as if to say, No, I’ve got this all figured out…and I’m going to do it my way.

****************************

The author painted such a beautiful picture of following Christ in relation to blogging, and it doesn’t involve having a bunch of followers.

Growing closer to Him, that’s what I want.

Tonight I will be honest and tell you that I feel like a failure as a blogger, but more importantly, as a Christian. I’m continually thankful for the promise that His mercies are new every morning…especially today.

Because I need that promise more than ever right now.

Father, take away the need I seem to have for readers, for comments, for drama. Replace those things with a heart that wants to follow You.

Guard those thoughts that turn into words that don’t bring You glory. Squelch my unnecessary drama and teach me to wait before I spill those emotions.

Teach me to use my words to bring You glory and to be satisfied with what you give…two readers or two thousand.

Amen.

Sig

Filed Under: what I'm learning, where I am, writing

Stay

July 7, 2011 by · Leave a Comment

Our friends/neighbors left on a mission trip yesterd

ay to Ecuador. They’ll be gone 2 1/2 weeks along with another adult and several teens.

I’ m happy for the

m. They just ooze passion for God and want to serve Him, and while I’ve never seen them with their teens, I have seen them with the kids in the neighborhood. They’re amazing.

But I have to admit that

as I watched them go…figuratively–there was no way I was gettin’ up at 4:30 a.m. to see them off!…there was a twinge in my heart.

Of jealousy?

Of pain?

Of sadness?

I really don’t know.

Here’s the thing. I’m not used to seeing other people go; I’ m used to being the one who goes.

That world out there is what changed my heart and my life…and I can’t get enough of it. As much as we truly believe we are supposed to be here for now, sometimes I remember those things that come along with going…

That last statement is still true when I think of our future.

Only, instead of the adventures that lie within the word, “Go”, they now lie within the word, “Stay”.

He says to us, Make my name known here.

You are here for such a time as this. You are called, you

are chosen, you are loved, you are mine. I love you with an everlasting love, and you can make disciples right here in your own country.

( Pardon my paraphrasing.

:))

The word stay is foreign to me. And yet, it holds an unknown factor, something that does still create a spark in me. I wonder, I dream…

And while there is a twinge of jealousy for those who get to go, doing what He has called me to do is far more important and truly is what burns in me right now, even if there is sometimes sadness.

I live, I love what is now…and my heart’s prayer is to be content in that. He has given that.

If, for some reason, I may Go again…I will pray to be content in that, too.

But for now, I will Stay.

Sig

Filed Under: adventures, what I'm learning, where I am

UNchange

July 6, 2011 by · Leave a Comment

My heart’s been going through a lot lately, some of which I can’ t even effec

tively describe.

It’s not like it’s drama…it’s not really even a big deal. It’s not sad, it’s not stressful, it just is.

Oh, I don’t know

what it is.

Maybe…silly? Anyway, it’s something I don’t really expect most people to understand, but I’ll talk about it anyway ’cause it’ s my blog.

:)

A lot of it has to do with a lack of change,

something my hubby and I chatted about last night.

A lack of change.

Dude, Mel, do you realize how much change you’ve gone through in the last yea

r?

Yeah, I know.

In our married life, Tobin have been the picture of what a constantly changing life looks like.

Year #1…he got laid off, job search, job switch for me. Oh, yeah, we were getting used to being married, too. 😉

Year #2…new job for him, new job for me.

Year #3…two jobs for him, another new one for me, selling everything, moving to Indo.

Years #4-8…Indo, which was full of constant change.

Year #9…EVERYTHING changed.

And now we’re going into Year #10. And other than buying a house, nothing’s changing.

It is the strangest, most unimaginable thing for us to consider committing

to one place for a long time. (I guess we’re past considering…it’s reality. :))

It’s kind of freaky to me when I consider settling down for good.

Don’t get me wrong…this is something we’ve dreamed of and hoped for…and are excited for.

But it feels like such a huge commitment.

Is it normal for someone to feel that way?

It’s something so strange that I almost can’t talk about it because I don’t want people to think I’m weird.

I guess for us…the fact that life is NOT changing? Is our change.

See if you can wrap your mind around that one.

:)

Please pray for us as we finish up the last things toward purchasing our house. Financing is figured out (Praise God!) so now we’re just waiting on all of the papers for closing to be finished, then we’ll sign them and finally be homeowners! Exciting stuff ahead…even if it’s not really change.

So many blessings to count. He is so Good.

:)

Sig

Filed Under: adventures, blessings, where I am

Uninspired

July 3, 2011 by · Leave a Comment

Lately I’ ve felt uninspired.

I’m not exactly sure what inspired for me is, anyway.

:) On the days when I have a great idea pop into my mind for a blog post, inspiration will take off, and I can usually come up with something I like.

I write what I feel, and it’s a good feeling…at least most of the time.

Sometimes writer’s block hits, but I wouldn’t define that as being uninspired…usually the ideas are

there, just the words to describe them are lacking.

But lately I’ve just felt dry…like I’m living in a desert of meaningless words and thoughts.

It stinks.

Even with the Fourth of July being tomorrow, I just don’t have any profound thoughts.

It’s almost like I’m too tired to think…and to be honest, sleep does sound more appealing than just about anything right now!

:)

So…admitting that this is completely NOT meaningful…this is what I’m posting.

Hopin’ for some inspiration tomorrow…do ya think a two hour parade in the hot sun will provide some

?

Happy 4th, everyone!

Sig

Filed Under: where I am

Lessons From Indo (Part 1)

June 29, 2011 by · 2 Comments

Ok…so I know I promised to tell you all about Tobin’s fabulous birthday gift. And I will…tomorrow. :)

Today? We get to go deep.

It’s about time.

Th is

is something that’s been burning in my heart for awhile now, and a conversation with a friend last

night kind of sparked it again.

I don’t pretend to have this all figured out…it’s just w here

I am for now. And I would love your thoughts if you feel like leaving me a comment or sending me a private e-mail.

We have often said that the things we took away from Indonesia are almost impossible to put into words.

Tobin and I know how much we changed in so many ways, and we probably aren’t even aware of some of the changes still. Yes, it has been a year, but a year to “re-enter” after five years of being gone is not so much time.

But here are a few things…

We’re aware of the “stuff” mentality. That doesn’t mean we don’t struggle, but we do know that we need to be aware. After three years of marriage, we sold our house, cars, and most of what we had. Other than storing maybe 1/4 of what we owned, we got rid of everything else.

And the amount we got rid of? Ridiculous. In Indo, we accumulated, but not nearly as much. We ended up bringing home about the same amount that we took plus a couple extra suitcases…not bad for five years. But last August, when we went through all the things we had in the States, we were overwhelmed by the amount of stuff we still had. That’s kind of our new goal… to watch how much we accumulate.

And to not let things pile up. I still don’t have it figured out perfectly…just ask me and my purse closet. 😉 But after being around people who had so little, we are continually reminded that we don’t need a lot to be happy.

We value relationships more.

Or at least try to. Again, not pretending here. I’m still workin’ on this one. We spent years around people who had so few material possessions…and yet they were some of the happiest people I knew. They were part of a “community” of families and friends who would do anything for each other.

There’s a richness in that selflessness that I don’t see as often here, though it does exist…and I know people who completely value their family and friends and will do anything for them.

I have struggled through this lesson because of the dynamic of the family in which I was raised, but I am learning to value the relationships that I have with friends…and to be as selfless

as possible when it comes to them. Them first, me last. Like I said, workin’ on it. Not there yet.

:)

Home is temporary. You’ve heard me talk about this before on the blog…about how much I’ve struggled to feel like I have any sort of home at all. Living in transition will do that to a person. As a believer in Jesus Christ, I know that my true home is Heaven and that anything else is just temporary. But while on earth, our human nature is to want that place that is ours. And it’s ok to feel that way…as long as we don’t get so attached to a place that we’re unwilling to leave if God says, “Go.”

Along with that, I’m learning to keep my hands open with the future.

We are in the middle of I-Love-It-Here-Let’s-Stay-Forever mode.

Truly, Illinois was a gift to us, one that we did not understand the magnitude of at the time it was given. Here we have found healing, growth, a chance to start over, amazing friendships, a great church…the list could continue. But this is life for the here and now.

God could send us again…and we need to be willing to go if that happens. To be completely human and transparent, that thought breaks my heart in half right now. But we also know, from seeing it over an over again, that if God sends us, He will give the strength to do what we need

to do.

Possibly the biggest thing we took away from Indonesia was that GOD IS BIG. He is not some being who fits into a tiny box…He’s at work all over the place, and having the chance to actually see what He’s doing in remote places changed our lives forever. It gave us a different picture, a different understanding of the world and of our Father…the same One we learned about as little children. Society, in general, today seems so focused on whatever-works-for-you-is-good.

No.

That’s not how it’s supposed to be.

There is only ONE God.

And He’s BIG enough for everyone.

And I could keep going, but I think this is a good start. I’d love your thoughts if you’ve got something to say or something to share.

Thanks for reading. :)

Sig

Filed Under: culture shock, Indonesia, what I'm learning, where I am
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