Blogging From My Kindle

December 12, 2011 by · 2 Comments

So… I wanted to try blogging once from my Kindle.

Think of it as writing a blog post in the same way you update your facebook status from

your phone.

Yeah, it takes awhile.

:)

To be honest, I’m a bit burned out as far as words go…I’ve just got a lot on my heart and mind, and it’s all distracting me and leaving

me somewhat wordless.

I could blog about that stuff…but even I don’ t share every

thing. 😉

So I’d appreciate your prayers if you think of me…just sorting some stuff out and hanging on tight…ya know?

I know God is Good…always. :)

Love ya all.

Sig

Filed Under: just life, where I am

On Being Brave

December 6, 2011 by · 2 Comments

The title of this post is an adjective that does not describe me.

At least, I don’t think it does.

Yeah, I’m adventurous. But I’m not brave.

It’s a rare thing for me to do something that might kill me, or worse, result in failure.

I’m about to do just that…do somthing that I might fail at, not something that might kill me.

:)

So I guess that means I get to be brave.

:)

That was a fake, e-smile.

Really. Cause I kind of have knots in my stomach as I think about the next few months.

So I took

a job at a local coffee shop a few months ago.

It was more to get me out of the house for a few hours every week, but if we’re being honest, the extra money has been nice, too.

I’ve enjoyed the people I work with and the friends I’ve made there, but the schedule of it isn’t working.

I feel like I don’t see my family…as in the three of us…all together during the week. Not to mention that Tuesdays and Wednesdays are horrendously long. And it’s starting to wear on us…ALL of us.

So I decided that for the sanity of my family I needed to be doing something where I could at least stay home.

That’s where the bravery comes

in.

In the next month or so I’m going to head a different direction and try something that I’ve wanted to do for a really long time.

And I am so scared I’m going to fail.

Even brave people fail at things, and that isn’t something I enjoy.

That failure thing.

More to come.

:)

P.S. That was a real smile. I can be brave.

Sig

Filed Under: family, just life, where I am

30 Days of Thanks, Day 27: Solitude

November 27, 2011 by · Leave a Comment

I’m an extrovert.

I know that’s news to all of you. 😉

Anyone who knows me well knows that I thrive around people…that I need them in order to be sane.

In fact, the reason I love being a stay-at-home mom is because I’m not alone…I spend my days with this fantastically, energetic, wonder of a little girl. But we also get out a lot…grocery shopping, Target, Bible study, play places, coffee dates.

I make it a priority to be sure we’re around people often…because that’s how I thrive.

However, in the two years prior to this one, God taught me some very important lessons through something very out of my ordinary.

Solitude.

When I got pregnant with Maelie, I was so, so sick. I spent most of my days in bed with no company other than my sweet puppies and my pembantu, who would spend time with me when she could.

Because it was my first year at home and I wasn’t teaching, I also felt very disconnected from school life and really only had two friends, who I would see occasionally, but not often.

It was a very lonely existence, and I couldn’t wait for Tobin to come home after school just so I could have someone near me.

I also went through solitude in a different way last year.

See, we moved to this new place where we didn’t know a soul. And even though I did make some friends after a month or two, I still didn’t have a car. That meant a lot of days at home…and though I am extremely thankful that I had my Mae, I definitely longed for adult interaction…and welcomed Thursdays by literally jumping out of bed. :)

But I was thinking about those years today and how they were good…

And how God was good…

despite the Solitude.

On those days when I didn’t even have the strength to get out of bed, I’ d talk to God. I learned, really learned, how to talk to my Father that year. He also showed me that though He doesn’t always answer our prayers the way we would like, He was still enough for me that year. That on those days when I didn’t have anyone, I had Him.

And last year, He taught me so much of the same. How He could still give good things…like friends who love us and a great place to be…even if I didn’t have a car and even if I didn’t get out often.

I know these lessons seem small in comparison to the many things people deal with in their daily lives, but they’re BIG to me.

Because I’m a girl who thrives in a crowd…and I learned to thrive in solitude, too.

Thank You, God, for those alone moments…and for what You teach me through them.

And thanks for not making me be alone so much anymore, too. :)

Sig

Filed Under: 30 Days of Thanks, just life, what I'm learning, where I am

30 Days of Thanks, Day 19: Endings

November 19, 2011 by · Leave a Comment

Yikes, it’s Day 19 already?

Seems like this is going fast.

Ok…Endings.

Truthfully, when I think of endings, I think of death. And I don’t necessarily want to talk about that so I’m not going to. :)

Last week I shared a little about my grandma and how she wasn’t doing well following a he

art attack.

Today I got to visit with her a little, and I noticed something.

First of all, she’s doing ok, so thanks to those of you who have prayed for her.

But she is 91…and so, whether she goes in ten years or in ten days, she’s in the ending of her life.

Visiting her tugs a little at my heart. She doesn’t hear as well

as she used to. She moves a lot slower. She needs a walker.

But today…there were good tugs on my heart, too…the kind that make me appreciate the end of a person’s life, especially when that person can take time to share stories that are full of history and legacy.

She told me stories today I had never heard before. For almost an hour, I sat and listened to her talk with my mom about things I never knew…about her siblings, about her family, about her kids, about the old, white farmhouse that holds so many memories.

I felt like a sponge as I soaked up their conversation, not really saying much myself.

When we got ready to leave, I noticed a picture of Grandpa A in his navy uniform that I had never seen before.

(My grandpa passed away before I was born.) I asked her about it because she has never talked about him much. She just smiled and told me that it had been out for awhile.

I made sure to tell her I thought my grandpa was pretty good looking.

I loved her response.

She got this young, girlish, sparkle in her eyes, and nodded. Yes, he was, she told me.

I loved that moment.

It’s one I’ ll never forget.

I was blessed to have today.

A peek into the life of someone I love who is in her ending.

But one who has completely lived and loved since her beginning.

Sig

Filed Under: 30 Days of Thanks, family, just life, where I am

30 Days of Thanks, Day 14: Change

November 14, 2011 by · Leave a Comment

Haha! 😀

I literally did laugh out loud when I thought about what I get to write about. Then I wondered why I even made it a topic…isn’t “Change” the story of my life

?

In all seriousness, I’ve been thinking about change

and how it so often becomes blessings through tears.

Yesterday Tobin and I had the privilege of sharing our life in Indonesia with some people at our church.

Of course, to prepare for that, we had to hash out a few things and watch a couple different videos…which brought back so many memories.

And just this morning, I was looking through some photos…more of the same…

And I felt that familiar ache in my heart.

I’m not sure why it’s so hard to move from one phase of life to another, but it is.

Memories don’t just disappear, friendships don’t just go away…

Love doesn’t just die.

Leaving our life in Indonesia was as big a change as we could have possibly experienced, adding the fact that we were about to become parents and move to a new city, too.

Can I be honest? I still hurt over the loss those changes brought.

But I still smile, too…because I like to see the blessings that came through that change, even if there were

a lot of tears.

And there were.

I love my life now, and Tobin and I have said repeatedly that we would love to stay here and let this be home.

What scares me? Is that I know we need to be sensitive to God’s will, and the very real possibility exists that He may ask us to do something else…something involving more change.

We’d do it…but that doesn’t mean it would be easy.

Change is tough, and giving thanks for it is even harder.

But today, I’m thankful for it…and the places

it has taken us.

Especially to this place.

Sig

Filed Under: 30 Days of Thanks, blessings, culture shock, Indonesia, where I am

30 Days of Thanks, Day 13: Be

November 13, 2011 by · Leave a Comment

Sometimes I’m jealous of my daughter…and any little kid, really.

They haven’t yet learned what it is to be self-conscious.

I love it that Maelie just spends her days being whatever she feels…she has crazy moments, crabby moments, smiley moments, cuddly moments…and moments when they’re all rolled into one mood that I can’t effectively describe. But she’s herself, and I just love to watch her. :)

Let’s be honest.

Don’t you all just want to go crazy sometimes? To go run around in the rain, having the time of your life? To belt out a song in the grocery store

? To wear that way- too-

cute hat and not care what anyone thinks?

Ok, I admit...I do those things sometimes...but definitely not without thinking about what others
might be thinking of me.

Really.

I guess my point? Is that there is such freedom in being able to throw away the whole what-other-people-think-of-me stuff and just be me.

A couple weeks ago we were at our church’s Octoberfest, and there was a little boy there who was just awesome.

He loved…LOVED…the live music, and at the end requested for the band to play Roll Out the Barrel.

And when they did, he just danced his little feet away, and it was the most precious thing ever.

:)

I think he became one of my heroes that day.

I’m not saying I should go share my (lack of) dancing skills with those around me, but hey.

We all wish we could be a little less self-conscious, right? 😉

I’m usually pretty good at being me.

..and I’ m usually content with how God

made me.

Sometimes I wish for more, but today, I’m thankful.

Thankful that he made me a chatterbox, social, coffee-loving, friend-loving-even-more, wife-and-mommy, musical ungenius, wannabe dancer in the rain, spill-my-heart-on-paper girl…and a whole lot more.

I like being me.

I hope you like being you, too.

😀

Sig

Filed Under: 30 Days of Thanks, just life, where I am

30 Days of Thanks, Day 12: Create

November 12, 2011 by · 1 Comment

In high school, I took a pottery class and learned how to use the wheel.

There was a lot to that aspect of creating, and it frustrated me. I wasn’t used to so many time-consuming steps that were necessary to creating a piece of art.

I? Just wanted to make something and finish it all at once…none of this waiting between phases stuff.

Eventually I accepted the fact that I would have to be patient in order for my piece

to turn out as I wanted.

Before I could have my crazy fun of making a mess (aka: the wheel), I had to pound the clay.

Over and over and over, to the point of extreme boredom.

Of course, this was important…a good piece of pottery can’t have any pockets of air in the clay at all.

Once that step was done, then I could finally throw the clay on the wheel, get it nice and wet, and start creating.

I began simply…and did many, many bowls, though I didn’ t keep

them all. They were easy…and didn’t require too much on the part of the artist.

But eventually, my creative juices took off, and I wanted to make a vase.

I had it in my mind how I wanted it to look, but as any good artist knows, pieces rarely turn out as you first envision them.

After many attempts, I was able to create something vase-ish.

But then it had to dry before I could glaze it and fire it.

In all reality, I think my “vase” was done in about three weeks…but it seemed like much longer to me.

When it was finally finished, I was kinda happy with it…but definitely saw ways I could improve it, and I got to work on my next project, determined to make it better.

I wonder sometimes if that’s how God feels about me. I mean, yes, He created

me.

But He keeps working on that creati

on.

He’ll mold and shape and put me through the fire…and do I always come out as something that brings glory to the Artis

t?

Whether I do or not, I know my Potter is far more patient with His creation than I was with mine.

I just wanted mine to be finished and beautiful…

And I know beauty is taking a lot longer for this girl.

I love to create…and I’m thankful for chances I have to do just that.

But I’m also even more thankful that my Creator keeps patiently working on me.

Sig

Filed Under: 30 Days of Thanks, remembering, where I am

30 Days of Thanks, Day 11: Seasons

November 11, 2011 by · Leave a Comment

Today, I’m going to give thanks for Seasons, by re-posting something I wrote a few years ago.

It’s thought-provoking and was a good reminder to me as I try to give thanks today for a migraine that has all but wiped me out. It will pass, too, though. :)

I love how endless tears and sleepless nights over a failed adoption turned into something so unexpectedly, amazingly beautiful…in the form of a little girl named Maelie.

We are so blessed.

:)

Enjoy re ading

a little piece of our lives from not so long ago.

Seasons
(from the March 2009 archives of the blog we kept in Indonesia)

I’ve hesitated posting for awhile because I don’t want to ramble on and on about the same things all the time. Sometimes God puts us in a season for awhile, and while things don’t change a lot, the lessons are still there to learn. And I am learning a lot.  Here are a few things, in no particular order.

Stillness. Why is it that we always want to move around and make noise? It seems like, in my mind, I’m always thinking of how I can do things better or how right I am about something.

God has shown me a lot about being still, resting, and being willing to be quiet and wait on Him. I can’t say that this period of being still has been easy.  There have been a lot of tears and moments of just not getting it. But learning to rest has brought peace.

Silence. (There is a difference between this point and the last one.) I am a Facebook, e-mail, communication junkie. But for the last month, I have all but stayed away from most forms of it. I check it occasionally, but I haven’t replied to most people, unless it was necessary. If you sent me an e-mail or a message, please don’t be offended if I didn’t reply. Your words probably made me cry or smile (or both) and gave me something to process. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and want you to know that it didn’t go unnoticed or unappreciated. When I can find the words, I will write you back.

Empathy. I’ve been following the blog of a friend of a friend. She and her husband lost their baby girl at 39+ weeks about a year and a half ago. I know that our situations are vastly different, but gaining her insight on grief has been eye-opening and healing for me. I, in no way, compare this loss to theirs, yet I feel that God has used her words over and over to show me that He is faithful, that He will bring healing, and that despite loss, He is still God.

Meaning. Processing this kind of pain has brought new meaning to who I want to be.

I am at an interesting point in life, anyway, with leaving the classroom, which has brought emotions that are difficult to explain. As I contemplate being a stay-at-home wife (not a mother, which I was hoping for), I have realized that I will have quite a bit of free time, and I don’t want to waste it. I have been praying and thinking about the abilities I have, and I think God’s next purpose for me is simple…spending time with local people, just building relationships. I love Indonesian people. They are beautiful and so kind. I have some options, so please pray for open doors.

I love the song Nichole Nordeman sings called Every Season. I feel like I’ve been stuck in winter, but I know that spring is coming–it may just take a bit longer than I was hoping for.

:) Thanks for your friendship and love…it means more to

me than I can ever express.

“Every evening sky, an invitation
to trace the patterned stars.
And early in July, a celebration
for freedom that is ours.


And I notice You in children’s games,
in those who watch them from the shade.


Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder;
You are summer.

And even when the trees have just surrendered
to the harvest time,
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
and sending us inside.
Still I notice you when change begins,
and I am braced for colder winds.


I will offer thanks for what has been and what’s to come;
You are autumn.

And everything in time and under heaven
finally falls asleep.


Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
shivers underneath.
And still I notice you when branches crack,
and in my breath on frosted glass.


Even, now, in death you open doors for life to enter;
You are winter.

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced,
Teaching us to breathe.
And what was frozen through is newly purposed,
Turning all things green.


So it is with You and how You make me new
with every season’s change.
And so it will be as You are recreating me,
Summer, Autumn, Winter, Spring.”

Sig

Filed Under: 30 Days of Thanks, adoption, being mommy, blessings, Maelie, where I am

30 Days of Thanks, Day 8: New

November 8, 2011 by · 4 Comments

When I think of new, a hundred things come to mind.

New life, new cars, new seasons, new friends, new places…

Tonight, I’m not going to elaborate much…I’m just going to say what I’ m thankful for.

Because that’s just where I am.

I am thankful that my Father can make all things NEW…including my heart, which He is pounding, shaping, molding…and changing.

It’s hard…it’s necessary…and it will be

?

Good.

Tonight, I’m thankful that He loves me  enough to not leave me as I am.

Sig

Filed Under: 30 Days of Thanks, where I am

30 Days of Thanks, Day 4: JOY

November 4, 2011 by · Leave a Comment

If I’m being honest, JOY is about the last topic I want to write about today.

I’m not having a bad day at all.

I’m just tired, I have a headache, and I have to go to bed early so I can get up at 4:30 a.m. to go run my annual (well, becoming that, anyway…) 5k.

At least I’m ready for this one. JOY. Truly…I love knowing that I can do this and not feel like I’m going to completely die at the end!

And waiting for me at the finish line is lots and lots of chocolate. Which is more JOY, even if it will completely undo any good I did my body this week! 😉

I also got to have a lunch date with Tobin and Maelie downtown today.

More JOY. T’ was really, really fun.

Maelie even ate and didn’t throw food.

There’s a ton of JOY right there!

It’s a beautiful fall day…warm enough for a sweater and jeans.

Love days like this.

JOY.

This afternoon I got to hop down (up?…it’s up…I am so directionally challenged) to Firefly and chat with a new friend for a bit. It was nice. JOY.

This morning I put on my JOY necklace…more JOY. No pun intended.

:) I’m not a big jewelry we

arer, though I love to make it.

But this little necklace always makes me smile. I love what it means…and for the sweet reminder it is to find JOY no matter what.

On the way home from downtown, Mae was fighting a nap. She closed her eyes about ten minutes from home, and we were doing everything we could to keep her awake. It was the sweetest thing to see her smile in her sleep when we tickled her toes.

JOY.

Though I didn’t really feel like writing about JOY, it’s something I’m so thankful for.

Thank you, God, for putt ing so much JOY

in my days.

What was JOYful about your day

?

Note from Mel: Ok, ok, I concede. This photo thing is killing me…I TOLD you it was my weakness.

😉 How about a few every week?!

Sig

Filed Under: 30 Days of Thanks, blessings, just life, where I am
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