What He’s Doing

Wowsers.

I love those moments when I hear His voice, loud and clear.

I know He’s talking to me.

I virtually-cracked open my Kindle today to read Jesus Calling. I’m not always disciplined enough to actually read it every day or even on the correct day, but it never, ever fails to give me a heart-pull. (And, random…I just saw that she wrote another one that came out a month ago. YAY!)

Sorry. :)

Anyway, so I’ve been kind of at odds with myself in the last week, battling through allowing myself to dream and letting my head somewhat-float in the clouds but at the same time being intentional about keeping my feet on the ground and enjoying all of the blessings God has given me now.

I think I’ve done ok.

But the real deal is beginning, and I have to admit to you that I’m scared.

Scared of failure, scared of rejection, scared of people thinking I can’t do it.

And I’ve known, as I’ve read through others’ candid thoughts over the last week, that I just need to kick this fear to the curb and trust Him.

It always goes back to trusting, doesn’t it? :)

That’s why I loved these words today. I hope they bless you, too.

“Be willing to go out on a limb with Me. If that is where I am leading you, it is the safest place to be. Your desire to live a risk-free life is a form of unbelief. Your longing to live close to Me is at odds with your attempts to minimize risk. You are approaching a crossroads in your journey. In order to follow Me wholeheartedly, you must relinquish your tendency to play it safe.

Let me lead you step by step through this day. If your primary focus is on Me, you can walk along perilous paths without being afraid. Eventually, you will learn to relax and enjoy the adventure of our journey together. As long as you stay close to Me, My sovereign Presence protects you wherever you go.”

(From Jesus Calling by Sarah Young)

So here’s to…Dreaming. Book-Writing. Learning More. Loving Better. Growing closer to my Father. Embracing Trust.

And, I’m sure, a whole lot more. 😉

Just where I am tonight…thanks for reading. :)

Sig

Friday, Um…

My favorite Friday link-up is taking a break for the month of December.

I will miss it…miss my five minutes, miss my blog hopping to visit my writing friends, miss them hopping over to say hi, miss the topic being chosen for me.

Now the truth comes out. 😉 

So I was really trying to alliterate my title.

Many thoughts came to mind. Such as Friday…

…food?

…funnies?

…frustrations? (Sorry, out of the three, this one would have made the most sense today.)

But I don’t want to write about that at all.

So, here are my Friday thoughts…a sweet friend sent me some verses today that are definitely worth processing. :)

This game of waiting never seems to end.

When I think about it, life for everyone can be viewed as a series of events that leave us waiting.

Waiting to finish school…

…get married…

…buy a house…

…have kiddos…

…find that perfect job…

The list really never ends.

I joke that I don’t wait well, but the truth is that I really don’t.

I want to, but I so often allow my mind to race, my fears to set in, the worst outcome to become my reality…

That’s why I need to continually remind myself of this…

Do not be anxious about anything…

Words straight from Scripture. Somehow the whole NOT worrying thing must have been important for us to grasp if He put it there.

but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving

God, do you know how hard it is to give thanks while I wait? Oh. Yeah. You do. You’ve already been there.

let your requests be made known to God.

Why is it that my first instinct is always to worry instead of pray?

He may already know my heart, but He still wants to hear from me. I feel pretty special knowing that. :)

But maybe my favorite part of all of this is the next verse.

And the PEACE of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7 (ESV)

Amen. Amen. Amen.

God, I know I’m such a worrier…I let the what-if’s take over far too often instead of trusting in what I know of You…that You are faithful and have it all figured out. I pray for Your peace while I wait…because I know it only comes from You.

Waiting. Would appreciate your prayers. Hopefully I’ll be able to give you an update soon!

Hope you have a great weekend…thanks for stopping by!

Sig

Just Some Thoughts…

Hey, friends…so, I was thinking about Indonesia today and trying to get back into book-writing mode, and this story just clicked with where I am right now…I’m sure it will make it into the book, but I thought I’d share anyway. :)

When we lived in Indonesia, there was something I had to get used to in order to survive there. (Both mentally AND physically.)

I had to resign myself to the fact that when I walked along a street…which was most often a busy street…there would be motorbikes, angkots, cars, buses, carts, and sometimes even horses :) right next to me…often, whizzing by me. (Well, minus the carts and horses.)

And I mean right next to me. Like, within inches. Or less than that.

For someone culture-shocking…which was me the first three months we lived there…it can be overwhelming and scary. But eventually, this extrovert who cannot stay home and never go out accepted the fact that it was just life there.

And it became a normal part of life there as it does for everyone…but potentially a little too normal.

Fast forward two-plus years.

Several mornings a week I get up to run. My route is pretty set…I’m not a creature of habit; it’s just that my mornings are my time, and I’d rather lose myself in my world of worship than pay attention to where I’m going or potentially get lost. :)

One thing that bugs me…and I mean really bugs me…is the fact that when I’m running on the street, drivers go around me by, like, TWELVE feet. (I’m really not exaggerating here.)

I’m not a selfish runner. In fact, if I can get off the road and run in the grass, I usually will. I don’t want to be that pain-in-the-butt runner who hogs the road and makes traffic stop simply because she won’t move.

Recently I caught myself becoming annoyed with drivers who would either stop and wait ’til I passed or move waaaaaaaaaay over…because, to me, it’s perfectly acceptable for them to whiz by within a foot or so.

Oh, how Indonesia has altered my perspective.

As I was running this morning, I started to think about how easily I became accustomed the closeness of vehicles in Indonesia…despite the fact that the situation could be dangerous…or even deadly.

For me, it was just Indo-life, and I learned to make it part of the adventure rather than stress over it.

But as I thought about that more and more throughout the day, I started to wonder…

What kinds of things do I allow to become close to me? Are they things that don’t belong there?

It’s so easy to let that little sin that’s “really no big deal” creep in and become a normal part of everyday life, almost to the point of excusing it because that’s just the way it is…or, worse, not even realizing it’s there.

And while Indonesia driving might be an exception to the rule, there should never be an exception for sin.

I know I’ve got a few (or more) of those little things…things for which I make excuses because it’s just how it is. How I am. Wrong.

That was a challenge to me this morning.

So as I laugh to myself at the drivers who feel the need to put a football field between them and myself, at least I’ll have a good reminder…

To keep those things that are dangerous at a distance.

But, should you be one of the people who pass me in the morning, (hey, admit it, we’re practically friends by now!) just know that you can drive a little closer to me. You can even stop and say hi if you want. :)

Sig

Dreaming God-Sized Dreams

All of us…in one way or another…have dreams.

Dreams in and of themselves are beautiful things. They allow our imaginations limitless boundaries to create ideal and perfect…full of hypothetical rainbows, daisies, and smiley faces. (Well, if you’re me. ;))

It’s when we take steps to turn those dreams into reality that they can sometimes become messy, discouraging, and full of valleys we’d never planned.

For five years, from 2005-2010, my husband and I gave our hearts to a country on the other side of the world. I talk about Indonesia now with fond memories, but to tell you that it was full of those rainbows at the time would be untrue.

During those years I saw my Father take me and painfully chisel away those parts that were getting in the way of His glory.

I saw huge disappointments that caused more grief than I ever thought possible, teaching me that my joy could not be found in what I had planned for my life…but in His perfect plan.

I saw Him take a woman who thought she had it all going for her and bring her to a place where she had nothing to give but what she had in His strength.

When our Indonesia life ended and we suddenly had this brand-new(ish) American existence, I started to write.

I needed to write.

The need to process became necessary for my emotional survival in a country that was mine and yet made me feel like a stranger. I wrote about everything…from learning to park a car again to the perils of choosing a salad dressing from the mile-long aisle, and from my disdain for wearing boots over jeans (which is hilarious now!) to the dozens of coffee creamer flavors I purchased just so I could try them all. :) I wrote about how hard it was to feel alone and the joy that came from a friend who came to find me, about a heart that broke from starting over again to a Father who redeemed broken and was the Giver of all givers.

It was good processing. More than good.

And as the words found paper and I allowed my heart to bleed, there was this little dream that crept in.

Or, maybe not such a little dream.

As God began taking my stories from Indonesia and weaving them into my now-life, I knew He was asking something of me.

Something that I’ve always wanted to do, but also something that takes Bravery. Trust. Surrender.

Which are kinda scary sometimes.

And I knew it was time to write…really write…that book.

I believe what happened next was completely of my Father.

I read this site often, but sometimes I miss a day or two. And for whatever reason, when I hopped over about a month ago, my eyes fell on this blog post.

As I read Holley‘s words, I felt this little twinge in my heart, the kind that God puts there to say, It’s time. Do it. Be brave. You’ve got Me, and I’m all you need.

So, I applied.

Honestly, I didn’t expect to be accepted. Oh, I hoped…like, a million times a day, but I tried desperately not to get my hopes up.

And when I opened my e-mail on that morning two weeks ago and saw a message saying, Congratulations! I’m thrilled let you know that you’re part of the God-Sized Dream Team!…well, I walked around with a completely-founded, silly grin for the next few days. :)

In just a couple of days I have the awesome privilege of joining a team of 99 women from around the world who all have a God-Sized Dream. For the next six months we’ll travel this road together…the one of taking our dreams, placing them in the Father’s hands, doing everything we can in His strength to realize them, and trusting Him completely with those hopes that passionately consume our hearts.

I don’t know these women or their stories, but what I do know is that we’re in a similar place of dreaming BIG…and trusting God with it all. I can’t wait to get to know their hearts and to walk this beautiful journey…one of letting God move as only He can…together.

It’s going to be amazing!

Over the next six months, I’ll be sharing more with you. What I’m learning, what He’s doing in my heart, and the way He’s changing me…I hope you’ll come along for the ride.

I really have no clue what to expect, but I know that there’s a reason…and I’m SO excited!

This is a chance to be brave, and I’m ready to step forward.

Thanks for your love and prayers, friends! You are each a blessing to this heart.

Sig

Five-Minute Friday: Stay

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo at The Gypsy Mama for Five-Minute Friday.

Join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write.

Today’s Topic: Stay

I’ve always been pretty cool with going places.

When the opportunity came up during my junior year of college to spend a month in Peru, I jumped at the chance.

And that was only the beginning.

Mission trips led to more of the same and eventually a long-term commitment of five years in Indonesia. Be still my heart, I still ache over missing it.

It seems like each event leading up to the now for us has always involved an obedience in being willing to go. And we were always willing to do just that.

So moving here…was different.

The way He brought us here was equally different.

We knew, this time, that it was time to dig those roots down. Maybe not permanently but definitely for an extended amount of time.

That was almost two and a half years ago. Golly, time flies!

And somewhere in all of the moving out of the transitory state of life and into something more stable, that little word crept into our lives and settled into our hearts.

Stay.

We have always had hearts to go. To tell. To love. To reach.

And now He has asked something different of us but no less important.

I believe my Father is teaching, and has yet to still teach, us some of the greatest lessons in obedience as we learn the contentment that comes from being satisfied in Him and in where He has placed us.

And the Truth of it is that nothing has really changed. He still wants us to Tell. Love. Reach.

But this time He wants us to Stay.

Five Minute Friday

Sig

Five-Minute Friday: Quiet

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo at The Gypsy Mama for Five-Minute Friday.

Join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write.

Today’s Topic: Quiet

Tonight I took my girl on a “date”, and we went to a movie night for preK-junior high students.

It was free, it was our time together, there were lots of great friends to hang out with.

But I noticed something as the movie started.

There were So. Many. People.

So. Much. Chaos.

SO. MUCH. NOISE.

As time went by, it became clear that it was going to be impossible to pick up on any kind of story line much less actually watch the movie. We lasted maybe halfway through the movie before she became restless and it was clearly time to go.

There was just so much noise, it didn’t work.

I’m not angry or upset. It was fun, for the most part. But, watch the movie?

We did not.

I thought about that during the drive home while my overly-tired daughter, for once, sat quietly in her seat, fighting sleep.

About how I often live my moments and my days in the chaotic instead of the quiet.

I almost-purposely surround myself with things that keep me busy and going, determined that I won’t need to think if I don’t stop and be still.

There ARE those quiet moments, though.

The ones when He almost forces stillness and silence. Perhaps because He wants me to listen?

I think so. No, I know so.

And I always walk away from those moments of quiet with something. A piece of Truth. An encouraged heart. A smile in the reminder of His goodness. A glimpse of Grace.

And as I take those steps from the moment, ready to dive headfirst back into the chaos of life, and there’s nothing wrong with that sometimes, may I always remember

that He moves deepest in the quiet.

May I always be willing to stop and listen.

Five Minute Friday

Sig

Update on Taylor

Today, I believe in miracles.

I always have, but today? I really, really, really believe.

But rather than give you my take, I’ll just pass on what I know. :)

:) Taylor made it through surgery.

:) Though her tumor was wrapped around several arteries and veins, the doctors got it ALL.

:) Then, they biopsied several areas surrounding where the tumor had been, and ALL BUT ONE came back negative. The other one showed just a microscopic amount of cancer.

:) Four months ago, this little girl was diagnosed with aggressive, Stage 3 neuroblastoma. Next week she’ll hopefully continue her chemo treatments and kick the rest of this thing!

What an amazingly strong, beautiful little girl Taylor is.

What trust and unshakable faith her parents have demonstrated through this journey.

What a miracle-performing, disease-healing, awesome, powerful, sovereign God we serve.

He still does miracles, He still moves mountains.

And we saw that today.

Thank you to each of you who prayed…this family was covered in prayer today.

Praise Him.

Sig

That Place of Rest

I’m one of those people…I’m more secure (or at least I think I am) when things are in my control.

I love my Father, and I say I trust Him, but I know in the depths of this heart how completely difficult that can often be. When something in my life turns topsy-turvy, instead of going to Him with open hands, I clench my fists even more tightly, fighting and flailing, determined to hang on and salvage whatever it is with which I’m struggling.

Because I can do a better job, you know. Better than Him.

Why am I like this? I sometimes scream. (Well, in my head or heart, anyway.)

Recently there’s been a situation I’ve been trying to make sense of. In all of my human perspective, I can’t seem to see any amount of fairness or understanding…or good…in any of it. I’ve talked to my Father about it, but I don’t see any immediate answers from Him, and that does a lot of things to this heart.

Frustration.

A reminder that He is asking me to wait.

More frustration.

More reminders of the good He’s done in past waiting.

Bringing me to a place of honesty with Him…teaching me to admit my weaknesses.

And eventually I get to the point where I start to release that grip.

Start.

But my human nature still wants to fight with everything in me and all I’ve got to make sure things turn out as I wish.

Last week a friend and I connected briefly through texting. I asked her to pray for me, and she responded, saying she would and with this verse.

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.
Exodus 14:14 (NIV)

The image of my Father actually suiting up and going to fight for me made my eyes kinda drippy. Ok, I cried. That’s such amazing love…to realize that when He fights for me, He’s fighting for GOOD. Not evil.

Sometimes things just don’t make sense.

That’s nothing earth shattering to any of you, I’m sure. :)

This particular thing…I’ve been trying to figure it out and can’t understand what good He is possibly doing through it. And yet, it’s right there in that verse…He’ll fight for me if I’ll just let Him.

If I’ll just throw down my weapons and quit trying to fight it by myself…and just simply be.

Embrace the silence.

Be still.

Find that place of rest.

It was such a good reminder for me. And a challenge.

That when I’m in the thick of something that’s hard, I can rest, assured that He is out there doing what He needs to do for the very best outcome.

What complete Love.

I’m blessed to be loved that much. And so are you.

Sig

Coffee Thoughts

Tonight…yeah.

A bunch of scattered thoughts.

Coffee, definitely.

And sleep, early. Hopefully. :)

Yes, I am completely aware of what an insane oxymoron those last two lines were. 😉

I was realizing that over the last two weeks, most of my posts have been somewhat shallow. I hope that those of you who read here often know that’s really not me. It’s not, I promise…and I’ll always tell you that one of the things I really can’t stand is superficial.

It’s just that sometimes it’s so hard to be deep when life feels so upside-down.

I can’t go into it tonight. Maybe I’ll share part of it later…I’m just processing a lot and waiting on God for answers. Not easy, especially when the emotional, dramatic tendencies tend to so easily take over my thoughts and days, making things often seem bigger than they are.

I beat myself up for feeling things I do and for not having answers.

That’s basically the drawn-out description of the word, Wait. (You know, that thing I do so well.) 😉

It seems like more often than not, my plans tend to not turn out just as I’ve pictured them. Really, I think we could all say that. I’m human…something I especially rock at. 😉

It’s so hard for me to give things completely to God. I want to, but in my prideful, less-than-thinking-of-others moments, I get it in my head that I can somehow do a better job.

All of those really scattered pieces to say…I’m thankful. For a God who takes me…in all of my wandering and flailing and fighting…and loves me unconditionally. What an encouragement to my heart to know that He can take something of the mess I am and make it beautiful.

And, honestly, after the last year or so, I’m expecting something pretty amazing. I love that He can do that.

More importantly, that He will.

So now that I’ve been a little less shallow… :)

Life is…life.

With a two year-old, it seems that it’s always an adventure. We are in the thick of No way! and Go away! and I find myself wondering what happened to my parenting and my daughter. Our days are filled with so many wonderful moments and memories I’ll hold forever, yet one solitary incident leading to a temper tantrum which then leads to a time-out can ruin a good part of a day.

I know she’s two. (It’s what everyone tells me.) 😉

I know she won’t always fight me when I force her to take off her princess jammies. (You know, the ones she’s worn for a consecutive twelve days.) 😉

I know we’ll both grow through these mother/daughter battles and emerge with a stronger bond.

Because I know she’s two. And I’ll blink and she’ll be sixteen.

I’ve tried to focus on the joys that make up a day. I can honestly say that each night when I sing to her and pray with her, I fall in love just a little more. The frustrations of things melt away, and my heart feels so full I think it’s going to burst.

She truly is such a big part of my JOY. :)

She also starts gymnastics this week, which we are BOTH excited about. I think she’ll love it. And hopefully she’ll quit doing somersaults off the end of the couch. 😉

I’ve been good with running this past week, and though it’s sometimes-tough to drag myself out of bed so early, I’m always glad I did it. My goal this week is 20 miles. (Gosh no, not all at once!) I’m slowly upping my distance, though, and it feels good.

Now I just need to quit making dessert.

I made this today. It’s one of my favorites, and it was so amazing. (I sent some to our dear friends across the street because I knew I’d eat it all if we kept it.)

My other downfall is this. (Which I cannot seem to find on the internet. But go look in the freezer section of your grocery store…I promise it’s there.) Thank you SO much, Cool Whip, for taking two of my very favorite things and throwing them together into one container of gooey, yummy-ness. (Hope you could sense the dripping sarcasm there…)

Cool Whip frosting…no cake required. (I can so see myself doing a commercial for them, can’t you? ;))

Well, I should head toward bed. Early morning tomorrow, and I definitely need to be up to run off all of that frosting…

Hope you all had a great weekend. 😉

Sig

Five-Minute Friday: Look

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo at The Gypsy Mama for Five-Minute Friday.

Join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write.

Today’s Topic: Look

I’ll never forget the day.

The day that I. Just. Couldn’t. Look.

We’d been downtown shopping for jewelry supplies. It was the rougher part of town…the part where you’d see far too many children begging and the people who’d miraculously survived debilitating conditions…and he was one of them.

This man…the one I couldn’t bear to look at.

We’d just finished our purchases at the final store and were heading back to catch the city bus.

He was sitting…somewhat slumped…against the edge of a cracked and rotting pillar.

I’m sure I gasped audibly, for he was damaged. Scarred for life. Perhaps a fire or explosion. Whatever the case, it was bad.

And I just couldn’t look…couldn’t allow myself to see past his scars.

It broke my heart and made me question my Father at the same time.

Why him? Why? WHY, WHY, WHY???

He needed money, and my heart ached…shame mingled with sorrow…as I passed him by.

Not allowing myself to look.

I prayed for the next week, unable to shake his image from my mind.

For some reason we were back in the same area of town the following Saturday. I knew he would be there.

And he was.

And though it hurt and made the tears drip as I allowed myself to look at him, I reached into my purse. Took a bill large enough to feed him for the day. Gave it to him, making sure that my hand made contact with his. Whispered, God bless you. In English, not Indonesian.

A quiet, terima kasih, uttered from his lips.

And that was it.

A small moment of time, but a very powerful lesson.

The lesson that no matter who we are, where we come from, or what we look like, we all deserve to be noticed. Loved. Cherished.

I hope all of these things for this man.

Five Minute Friday

Sig