Tuesday Toast and Tea

September 18, 2012 by · 2 Comments

I know you’re all marveling at my astounding alliteration.

But before you think I’ve gone all British on you or that I’m a complete dork, though that IS highly probable most days, I’ll just throw it out there that I feel icky. Clearly last night’s hope of my cold being almost-over crashed and burned. Therefore, sick = (honey/butter) toast + (peach) tea. (For those of you who like specifics.) 😉

I am blessed in the fact that I don’t have anywhere I need to be tomorrow. (Other than resting as much as possible.) I am extremely grateful that my daughter decided an afternoon nap was a glorious thing today…here’s hoping she feels the same way tomorrow. 😉

Sometimes I don’t so much enjoy the grumpy, sick Mel. Colds are the worst. I’ve said it before that I’d take a 24-hour stomach bug any day over a cold, especially the kind that clogs up my throat and ruins my voice. Singing to Maelie tonight was extra lovely, I can assure you. I’m glad she won’t remember my extremely raspy version of Brahm’s Lullaby. 😉

Man, this cold is just bringing out the sarcasm all over the place.

In all seriousness, though, Maelie and I managed to have a pretty good day. A dose of DayQuil got me through the morning. A friend stopped over for coffee (always fun!) and then my girlie and I trekked over to Goodwill for a few. I was running out of steam (aka: the meds were wearing off) and so we cut the trip the short, but I did have a few good finds…and they were things I needed. I can’t wait to go back and finish my trip. :)

Maelie and I had some good princess castle-playing, and we even played an actual card game…sort of. She dumped all the cards out and then matched some of them up. I was impressed…I didn’t teach her how to match them…maybe Tobin did. (honey???) Puzzles, care bears, ponies…all the usual favorites. It was a nice way to spend the day with my favorite chica. She sure is a sweetheart…well, except when she rocks the rocking chair right over my baby toe. (But that’s a story for another day.) She kissed it better without me even asking her…that may or may not have melted my heart into a mongo puddle.

Life just kind of is this week…and honestly, it’s good. Maelie is just so fun right now…conversations make sense, she’s able to actually play with people, we laugh together, there are lots of hugs and I-love-you’s and walks around the neighborhood. She’s so eager to help and just be near me…I love it so much I almost want to freeze time. (Except for part with the random temper tantrums at hospital main entrances…totally hypothetical…but I’m guessing all mommies would agree on that one. ;))

Just soaking up the blessings of today and thanking Him for each one.

Heading to bed…I’m determined to feel better tomorrow. Blessings, friends.

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, friends, just life, Maelie, Tobin, where I am

In This Brokenness

September 1, 2012 by · 6 Comments

In accepting the brokenness I have found hope and beauty. I’m learning it’s by grace alone that we face each day.

These words hit me in a very powerful way several days ago. Written by an author for one of my favorite blogs, she shared a very candid account of how she’d had to learn to see the beauty in something that could potentially destroy a momma’s heart.

I thought about her words for awhile…and kept them in the back of my mind, wanting to process them more fully to see what God might be teaching me through what she shared.

I had no idea.

I had no idea that sometimes God breaks us to the point of having nothing to lean upon but His grace.

I had no idea He’d do that to me.

You see, I’m a person who has a hard time admitting weakness. And it had been a tough week. My daughter is two. Battles galore. My daughter is two. More time-outs than are worthy of counting. My daughter is two. What feels like constant correcting.

Trying to do all of those things in love.

But still…

My daughter is two.

And I am a human being. Not supermom.

I can try all I want, but I will never be perfect.

Wednesday afternoon came, and out of the blue, so did the very thing that broke me.

I didn’t see it coming.

I had no idea.

It literally about destroyed me.

I fell into my husband’s arms and sobbed. I held my daughter close and cried even more. The tears flowed as a friend interrupted her schedule to listen and hold my hand and pray and just be there.

I couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t think of anything else. Couldn’t bring myself to face the world, the same one that usually gives this extreme people person the energy to thrive.

I told myself from the beginning that I had to keep going. But that didn’t mean it was easy.

I wanted to stay in bed. I couldn’t go to Bible study. Two visits from friends brought more tears than I wanted to cry.

I just wanted to see purpose behind heartbreak.

It’s been a few days, and I’m still in that emotional, searching-for-understanding, mode. There are still tears that threaten to spill as I sit in Starbucks and try to find words for a brokenness that is so real. So painful that it feels like the life is being sucked out of me.

And then I go back to the words she shared from a heart that knows what it’s like to bleed…

We’re all broken, and it’s by His grace alone that we face each day.

I don’t know how to get through this one.

I tell you that openly and honestly. Because my heart hurts, and I want more than anything to understand the purpose behind the pain.

But it is, truly, by His Grace alone that I have gotten out of bed on Thursday.

And Friday.

And today.

And I know I’ll get up tomorrow and trust Him to get me through the day…just like He has each day before.

I have the hope, in this brokenness, that He will bring beauty from something that shattered this momma’s heart.

***Thanks to each of you for reading. I realize I didn’t share many details here, and I know you’re probably curious. I want you to know two things. First, my family is fine. We’re loving on each other. And two, I hope that someday, when the pain is less and the beauty is more, that I can share more openly with you. In the meantime, thanks for just taking the time to read this space. You know I love you.

:)

Sig

Filed Under: Maelie, Tobin, what I'm learning, where I am

Aaaaahhhhh…

August 26, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

It was one of those days that I didn’t intend to be a day for sanity, but it turned into one. I have my wonderful, lengthy-nap-taking (today, anyway) daughter to thank for a lot of it. 😉 And the rain, ’cause I LOVE a rainy day. Pretty sure if it was relaxing, it was part of my Sunday.

I slept ’til 8. I never do that. It’s kind of my own fault, but maybe more of the fault lies with the author of the book I started at 10 pm last night. Yeah. After one, I made myself turn off my Kindle and go to bed. (Guess what I’m doing as soon as I’m done writing tonight????) 😉

I went to 10:45. Well, we do that every Sunday. But I really love my church family and friends. So it was definitely relaxing. And we sang a few of my favorites today…always a plus for this music lovin’ girl.

I ate a burrito. I guess this was relaxing in that I can nix Taco Bell from my I-can-eat-this-after-having-my-gallbladder-out list. Bummer, kind of. At least pizza seems to be ok. THAT would be devastating. I should point out that I ate On the Border the other night and was just fine…so it’s clearly Taco Bell. Clearly. 😉

It rained. Like, not pouring-so-much-there’s-an-extra-pool-in-our-backyard kind of rain, but it was still gray and drizzly enough to be the perfect Sunday afternoon. I wore a hoodie and sat on the back porch and drank coffee while…

Maelie slept. Oh, yes she did. (Thank you, rain.) And while she slept…

I created. One of my favorite craft-y things to do, besides painting, is make jewelry. I fixed a bracelet for a friend first, and then I started playing with wire to see what I could come up with. I made a ring that turned out ok…and daisy earrings that are pretty sweet. They still need a bit of perfecting, but daisies out of wire that are worthy to wear as jewelry? I think they’re one of my favorite creations so far. :) Oh, and I worked on a painting a little, but painting on the back porch when it’s raining doesn’t really work. The air was too wet, and the paint wouldn’t dry. I’ll finish tomorrow. :)

I took dinner to our neighbors. Grandpa S (as Mae calls him) is having surgery tomorrow, so we figured they didn’t need to worry about dinner tomorrow night on top of that. Plus, it’s always nice to go over and chat with them. We are pretty blessed with our neighbors. :)

We hung out with Mae and each other. Minus the part about Tobin completely skunking me at cribbage, it was a good family night. Nothing big or exciting…just us. It was nice. :)

I sang to my girl. Still one of my favorite parts of the day. I love that she’s now starting to sing along and even match pitch. Scary, I know. But also cool. She’s out for the night…

And I’m gonna go finish my book.

:)

G’nite, friends!

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, church, coffee, family, friends, just life, Maelie, Tobin

Fill-in-the-Blank Friday

August 24, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

I found this link-up awhile ago.

Love the idea. :)

So, tonight, I’m linkin’ up!

My favorite thing to do on Friday is hang out at church. I know that sounds a little weird, but every Friday morning, Maelie and I go to Immanuel to help with wrapping bread and delivering it to places in our area. We also get to see some pretty great people/friends then, too. A little blessing that’s an important part of our Friday and of our week. Oh, and I also like looking forward to the weekend. Who doesn’t?! 😉

This Friday I did the above. Plus a no-nap afternoon from the princess, coffee with a friend/playtime for our girls, and then dinner with them plus the hubbies. A good Friday. Defintely.

The best thing about a weekend is having all-of-us-together time. Even though life isn’t always easy with a two year-old and we’re very-imperfect human beings, I love that we can do little things together like play outside, go for walks, have ice cream dates. I also really look forward to church.

Now that summer is almost over I’m feeling the strange paradox of sadness and anticipation. I love the free and wonderful of summer that bring with it flip flops and swimming and sunshine and extra friend time. At the same time, I love fall. Early morning running, coffee on the back porch, sweater and jeans weather. Perfection.

The best thing I did this summer was ummm…??? I don’t think I can choose just one thing. I love friend and coffee time in general, and there were some oh-so-good times that included just those. Probably the highlight was the trip that Maelie and I made to the farm with our dear friend. We loved it. And she is still talking about it. :)

The thing I’m looking forward to about fall is leaf-crunching while I run. I…ahem…will actually go out of my way during a timed run if I see leaves that need to be crunched. And, of course, the sweaters and jeans…and the combat boots, too. 😉

If I had to be stuck in one season for the rest of my life, I would choose spring. (Funny that I did this for several years already. And let me tell you all…year-round summer is not all it’s cracked up to be.) I’d choose spring for the fact that it can kind of be anything on any given day. There’s a chance of snow but also a chance of a really beautiful, sunshine-y day. I also love the new life that emerges…such a beautiful picture of how our Father is continually teaching us to grow.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, coffee, family, Fill-in-the-Blank Friday, friends, just life, Maelie, remembering, Tobin, where I am

Blessings for Today

August 17, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

I read a really good reminder this morning in the book, Jesus Calling.

“Accept each day just as it comes to you. Do not waste your time and energy wishing for a different set of circumstances. Instead, trust Me enough to yield to My design and purposes. Remember that nothing can separate you from My loving Presence; you are Mine.

I love it.

I love, even more, how God knows exactly what I need each day…and how He always gives it.

It doesn’t always look the same.

Sometimes His measure of mercy, from an earthly perspective, looks far bigger for one day than it does for another. On days like Wednesday, when I was fighting pain and desperately needed healing, it was more tangible.

Today is different. Yes, there is pain, but it’s more manageable and isn’t the type that I spend time crying to God, begging for healing.

He knows my needs each day and gives according to what He knows I need…not according to what I think I need.

I love that about Him.

The rest of today, and for at least the weekend, I’m going to intentionally focus on those blessings…however He chooses to give them.

Today they came in simpler forms, but were no less than blessings…a friend offering to take Maelie for the morning. A nap. Tobin being able to work half a day in the office. A shower and the energy to do my hair and makeup. A visit from a friend. A facebook note from a friend. A chocolate banana smoothie from my hubby. Friends who are bringing us dinner tonight. A chance to slow down and reflect. A smiling girl who understands mommy’s “owie” and continually reminds me that Jesus will make it better.

Tell me that I’m not one of the most blessed people on the planet.

Wishing you all a wonderful weekend! Lotsa love to you, my friends.

:)

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, friends, just life, Maelie, Tobin, what I'm learning, where I am

10 Years!

August 3, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

From this…

…to this…

…I. LOVE. IT.

Special thanks to our friend, Kelly, at Stick People Productions for the awesome family photos! :)

Sig

Filed Under: adventures, being mommy, blessings, family, just life, Maelie, marriage, remembering, Tobin, where I am

Little Blessings (Pt. 45)

July 31, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

:) Olympics!!! Love me some gymnastics. (And swimming and diving and water polo and volleyball and…)

:) Almond Joy coffee creamer. Mmmmm…

:) Complete-sentence conversations with my girl.

:) Coffee drinking and playtime in the backyard in the morning.

:) Time (and motivation) to work on my book. Thinkin’ there was some progress yesterday!

:) A stinkin’ scary moment that turned into something we could laugh about a few minutes later.

:) Truth spoken in love.

:) Guitar-strumming and tune-belting.

:) Bedtime giggles, songs, and prayers with my favorite little girl. Hearing her say, Amen, is the best part.

:) Ten years on Friday.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, just life, Maelie, marriage, Tobin, where I am

That Post Where I Talk About My Gall Bladder

July 28, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Seriously.

This time, I’m not kidding.

Which is kind of a bummer.

So it’s been a strange couple of days.

I think I’m usually pretty good at rolling with the punches…I’ve learned that in the multiple, multiple times that life has thrown me curve balls. You just kinda go with it.

And yesterday was no exception.

For the past few weeks, I’ve felt a little off. I had some issues I wasn’t particularly worried about but were still present. (And annoying.) Nausea (mostly), some abdominal/back pain. A couple times it was bad, but you know…it went away.

Thursday was especially rough. It was really hard to smile and be myself when I just felt like crap. Which was pretty much an accurate description. That night I came home from Praise Team practice around 9:15, and I was hungry. That’s not abnormal…I kinda like to eat. Hence the reason I run. 😉 I had a cookie, a glass of milk, took a few minutes to blog, and went to bed.

I had kind of an ache in my chest and was hoping I’d sleep it off. I fell asleep for a few but woke up around 11:30 with the most pain I’d ever felt in my life…back/chest pain that brought me to tears. I tossed and turned for awhile before waking up Tobin. I got up, walked around, and at one point decided to lie down on the floor (THAT actually helped) before going downstairs and lying on the couch. Around 2:30 the pain subsided somewhat, and I was able to fall asleep.

I woke up around 6:30 feeling…ok. Definitely not great and still in pain, but I wasn’t sure what to do. I had some things I needed to get done, and being a very I-don’t-go-to-the-doctor-unless-it’s-absolutely-necessary person, I had a hard time choosing that over what I felt was more important. But after several minutes of going back and forth with Tobin in an, I-don’t-know-what-we-should-do-do-you conversation, we decided I needed to get checked out. I made a phone call, got Maelie up, and we took her to a sitter before heading to the hospital, (in)conveniently located way too far from our house.

Thankfully the ER was empty…I do not handle places like that well. I also learned that when you walk into one and say the words, chest pain, almost immediately you are hooked up to an EKG machine. That was a first for me. Thankfully, that came back clear.

But I still spent several hours in a room in the ER in one of those horrible, flash-the-world hospital gowns, hooked up to a heart monitor and I.V. while the doctor asked me questions, ordered a chest X-ray, asked more questions, and finally ordered an ultrasound to check out my gall bladder and a few other organs, but the gall bladder was the suspect.

And the doctor was right.

A nasty gallstone.

UGH.

It does explain the nausea and pain I’d been experiencing for awhile, though. In all honesty, I was thankful to finally have an answer even if I’m not excited about what that means.

I’ll have a follow-up with my regular doctor this week and then will probably meet with a surgeon.

Really, I’m frustrated, but I’m kind of at the whatever point…let’s just get this taken care of so I can get on with life. (And feel better.)

It makes days like today hard when I carry Maelie up the stairs and am so exhausted I just want to crawl into bed. When the sun is shining and it’s a gorgeous day and I’d rather lie on the couch. Granted, the Olympics ARE on. Thankful for that. :)

Funny story from when I was in the ER yesterday. I seriously couldn’t stop thinking about the opening ceremonies and how much I wanted to watch them NOT in a hospital room. I guess I should have been more worried about my health, but admittedly, that thought raced back and forth through my brain the entire time. :)

I am thankful, though.

Very.

The real reason we went in is because I was worried it was my heart. I kept telling myself, There’s no way it can be your heart, Mel. You’re healthy, in shape…you’re fine. But the pain I was feeling suggested otherwise, and I was scared.

If I had heart issues, it would have meant a huge life-change. (There’s definitely a spiritual parallel there…maybe I’ll touch that again another time.) :)

Gall bladder? Definitely inconvenient, but it can be dealt with. I’ll get my energy back. I’ll still be able to run. Chase my daughter. Laugh with her. Share ice cream sundaes with her. Be my old self. :)

I’d appreciate your prayers over the next couple of weeks…hopefully it’ll only take that long. :)

God is Good.

Sig

Filed Under: adventures, blessings, just life, Maelie, Tobin, where I am

The ABC’s of Mel’s Brain

July 24, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

It’s definitely time for me to sit down and have some quality time with the blog.

It isn’t like I haven’t been here the last few weeks, but I haven’t been here.

I guess life is just like that sometimes.

So…in 26, if-I-make-it-that-long, bullet points…here’s life.

Sorta.

And by the way, I wrote part of this on a Sunday…I think I reference that once or twice. :)

  • Andre is my dog…my nine year-old boy. I love him. He puts a smile on my face even when I don’t feel like smiling.
  • Hearts that break are opportunities for God to do some major healing. That’s what I’ve been learning lately.
  • I love to create. My brain is awesome at dreaming up ideas…the following through is hard. Ish. Really enjoying painting lately and almost ready to pull out the sewing machine and learn how to use it.
  • I still want to learn to play the djembe. Really play it. Thinking about blowing the rest of my birthday money on one since it’s cheaper than a plane ticket to Africa so I can buy one in a market there. :)
  • Epic moments have made up life lately. Nothing huge, just important. I feel like I’m finally comfortable with being who I am…and not caring (as much) what other people think. Took me awhile to even get to that point.
  • F is for big failure. Feeling like that in a lot of ways. A friend said something today about Satan attacking ferociously on Sundays. I have to agree…feeling really down today.
  • Good memories. Really trying to focus on the blessings that God has placed in my life. There are so many…and I’m thankful for each of them.
  • Happiness is this picture I bought for myself a few weeks ago with some of my birthday money. I love it. I can’t think of a better thing to hang in our kitchen on our green wall. :)

  • Ice cream cake. It’s worth turning a year older for…to be sure. A week and some later, we’re still working on it. Which could speak volumes about our self control…or the fact that I sorta forgot it was in the freezer! :)
  • Goofy, but I love toast with jelly. So does Mae.
  • Mae is still talking about chasing kitties on the farm. Golly, I love her…and that she had such a good time there.
  • I am so thankful that I am loved. By friends, by my family, by my Father. So good.
  • Mae lights up my life. Every single day. What a blessing she is.
  • Thankful for a Father who never gives up on me, even on those days when I’m sure everyone else has.
  • I’ve been overtired lately…too many late nights and too much early-morning running. Headed to bed soon, thankfully.
  • Poofy pigtails on my princess of a girl. Her cutest look so far, I think.
  • Been a week full of questions. I’m more convinced than ever that some things, there will be no answers for, until I can ask my Father face to face.
  • Reunions with sweet friends…always fun. Always hard to say goodbye, too. Still worth the hello.
  • I love my Sammy, too…I never thought we’d bring home an Indo souvenir like the one we’ve got living in our house. He’s one-of-a-kind.
  • Sometimes you just gotta cry big, fat tears. Letting them fall helps. And letting my two year-old daughter hug them away teaches the beauty of compassion.
  • Sometimes we just need people who love us unconditionally. Thankful for that this week.
  • I was thinking of learning to play the violin. Just kidding. :)
  • I found this bottle of wine a week or so ago. Seriously. I thought we had topped it with Barefoot wine, but this? Fantastic.

  • X…seriously? Who can come up with anything related to it in daily life? I don’t play the xylophone and I haven’t broken any bones lately, so this one may just have to stay blank.
  • Ever feel like life is a ride on a yoyo?
  • We haven’t been to the zoo yet this summer. We talked about hitting the one in Omaha with some of my family later in August. We’ll see.

If you stuck around long enough to read all of this…thanks.

You’re a blessing, friends. :)

Sig

Filed Under: barefoot, being mommy, blessings, dogs, family, friends, just life, Maelie, random, Tobin, what I'm learning, where I am

Monday Morning Coffee

June 25, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Hey, friends.

I’ve got a little time this morning, have a cup of coffee in my hands, (well, on the computer desk at the moment :)) and decided it was time to update the blog and coffee-date with you all.

I mean, it’s been a whole 48 hours since I’ve posted anything.

YIKES.

No, seriously, it’s good. Yesterday I intentionally stayed away from posting anything. I have to admit that it felt weird going to bed knowing I hadn’t written, and yet, I knew that if I could do it one day, it would be easier later. :)

It’s a strange freedom. And maybe now that I’ve forced myself to take that step, you’ll get a lot more thoughts worth reading and a lot less fluff. :)

Though this blog is about life, and sometimes life is fluffy. So I hope that on the days it is just that…well, that you’ll laugh with me and keep reading.

Maelie and I are off on an adventure to the farm this afternoon. Our sweet friend is taking us to her parents’ dairy farm a couple hours from here. We won’t be back until Wednesday, so we’ll look forward to sharing pictures of Maelie’s trip to the farm to visit the cows! :)

We’re excited. :)

Yesterday’s project (the magnetic paint/add-some-color-to-the-kitchen one)…is done. Ish.

Just, fyi…should you choose to use magnetic paint: a) stir it REALLY well; b)cover everything (and I do mean everything) you don’t want painted, including yourself…see: Mel’s hands. Hilarious; and c) plan it for a day when everyone else in the house can be outside because the fumes are NAS. TY. Golly, it was bad. (Mucho thanks to our friend who loaned us a fan to clear the place out a little.)

I like how it turned out, though the magnetic part isn’t as strong as we thought it would be, so we may end up adding two more coats and painting over it. Again.

Crazy crazy.

Why is it that home-improvement projects never quite turn out like we picture?

It makes me nervous to attack the front room, which is next on the list. OY…

Thursday is Tobin’s birthday. Sometimes it’s nice that our birthdays are all relatively close together, and other times I wish we could spread out the celebrating a little more. He doesn’t want anything, which doesn’t work so well for this girl who loves to gift-give, but I’ll figure something out. :)

And Saturday…well, I’ll talk more about this later, but we get to see a dear friend from Indonesia…we haven’t seen her for over four years. I have a feeling the tears will flow big time. Oh, Linds, I can’t wait to give you a HUGE hug! :)

Lotsa good stuff goin’ on, and that’s just June! I really love summer. :)

I should get going…some things need to get done before Mae and I head out to party it up on the farm. WOO HOO!

😀

Back soon. Happy Monday to you all!

Sig

Filed Under: adventures, friends, just life, Maelie, Tobin, where I am, writing
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