30 Days of Thanks, Day 25: Surprises

November 25, 2011 by · Leave a Comment

I love surprises, really.

In some ways, when we found out we were pregnant with Maelie, we were surprised. And so were a lot of other people.

:)

But the surprises weren’t over.

Just two weeks l ater, we found out th

at my brother and his wife were expecting a baby and actually due three months before me.

(They waited to tell people a lot longer!)

I had worried for our kids with my side of the family.

My brother (my only sibling) already had six kids, but the youngest was ten, and so we knew that most likely our kids would never have cousins close to their age.

So it was a very happy surprise to find out that she would have someone.

And? They were both girls!!!

Sofia was born in March, and Maelie arrived in June.

While we don’t get back to Iowa too often, when we do, they enjoy playing together.

Though it took Sofia awhile to warm up to Maelie, you can see from the pic below that there was plenty of cousin b onding going

on.

They loved each other.

Thank you, God, for surprises.

Sig

Filed Under: 30 Days of Thanks, family, Maelie

30 Days of Thanks, Day 23: Beauty

November 23, 2011 by · 1 Comment

I was struck the other day by the amoun t

of responsibility that comes with having a daughter.

I’m sure I’ve thought this before, but those thoughts were reiterated with the words to a song by Jonny Diaz that I heard on the radio as I drove to work.

There could never be a more be

autiful you,
Don’t buy the lies, disguises, and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you.

Even as an adult, I know I worry about what I look like…if my hair is ok, if my makeup

is smeared, if my jeans make me look fat.

The media portrays all of these things as necessary to be beautiful.

But these words were such a good

reminder to me that my daughter is going to be watching me…all too soon and all the time. She’s going to imitate the things that are important to me, and I need to demonstrate  real beauty to her.

And that it’s not found on the outside.

True, there is a time and place for doing your hair and makeup.

My hair? Is all over the place if I don’t taken a few minutes to straighten it in the morning. And let’s just be honest, I look far better with makeup than without it.

And we all like it when our jeans look good.

But none of those things mean anything if there’s nothing beautiful on the inside.

I struggle with beauty daily but am thankful for the reminder that I am His creation… and that I am beautiful just as He made me.

Even if my jeans don’t fit. 😉

I pray that I’ll be able to pass that on to my daughter.

Thank you, God, for the beauty of my sweet girl. I pray that she will always, always know that she is

Beautiful.


Sig

Filed Under: 30 Days of Thanks, being mommy, Maelie

30 Days of Thanks, Day 11: Seasons

November 11, 2011 by · Leave a Comment

Today, I’m going to give thanks for Seasons, by re-posting something I wrote a few years ago.

It’s thought-provoking and was a good reminder to me as I try to give thanks today for a migraine that has all but wiped me out. It will pass, too, though. :)

I love how endless tears and sleepless nights over a failed adoption turned into something so unexpectedly, amazingly beautiful…in the form of a little girl named Maelie.

We are so blessed.

:)

Enjoy re ading

a little piece of our lives from not so long ago.

Seasons
(from the March 2009 archives of the blog we kept in Indonesia)

I’ve hesitated posting for awhile because I don’t want to ramble on and on about the same things all the time. Sometimes God puts us in a season for awhile, and while things don’t change a lot, the lessons are still there to learn. And I am learning a lot.  Here are a few things, in no particular order.

Stillness. Why is it that we always want to move around and make noise? It seems like, in my mind, I’m always thinking of how I can do things better or how right I am about something.

God has shown me a lot about being still, resting, and being willing to be quiet and wait on Him. I can’t say that this period of being still has been easy.  There have been a lot of tears and moments of just not getting it. But learning to rest has brought peace.

Silence. (There is a difference between this point and the last one.) I am a Facebook, e-mail, communication junkie. But for the last month, I have all but stayed away from most forms of it. I check it occasionally, but I haven’t replied to most people, unless it was necessary. If you sent me an e-mail or a message, please don’t be offended if I didn’t reply. Your words probably made me cry or smile (or both) and gave me something to process. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and want you to know that it didn’t go unnoticed or unappreciated. When I can find the words, I will write you back.

Empathy. I’ve been following the blog of a friend of a friend. She and her husband lost their baby girl at 39+ weeks about a year and a half ago. I know that our situations are vastly different, but gaining her insight on grief has been eye-opening and healing for me. I, in no way, compare this loss to theirs, yet I feel that God has used her words over and over to show me that He is faithful, that He will bring healing, and that despite loss, He is still God.

Meaning. Processing this kind of pain has brought new meaning to who I want to be.

I am at an interesting point in life, anyway, with leaving the classroom, which has brought emotions that are difficult to explain. As I contemplate being a stay-at-home wife (not a mother, which I was hoping for), I have realized that I will have quite a bit of free time, and I don’t want to waste it. I have been praying and thinking about the abilities I have, and I think God’s next purpose for me is simple…spending time with local people, just building relationships. I love Indonesian people. They are beautiful and so kind. I have some options, so please pray for open doors.

I love the song Nichole Nordeman sings called Every Season. I feel like I’ve been stuck in winter, but I know that spring is coming–it may just take a bit longer than I was hoping for.

:) Thanks for your friendship and love…it means more to

me than I can ever express.

“Every evening sky, an invitation
to trace the patterned stars.
And early in July, a celebration
for freedom that is ours.


And I notice You in children’s games,
in those who watch them from the shade.


Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder;
You are summer.

And even when the trees have just surrendered
to the harvest time,
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
and sending us inside.
Still I notice you when change begins,
and I am braced for colder winds.


I will offer thanks for what has been and what’s to come;
You are autumn.

And everything in time and under heaven
finally falls asleep.


Wrapped in blankets white, all creation
shivers underneath.
And still I notice you when branches crack,
and in my breath on frosted glass.


Even, now, in death you open doors for life to enter;
You are winter.

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced,
Teaching us to breathe.
And what was frozen through is newly purposed,
Turning all things green.


So it is with You and how You make me new
with every season’s change.
And so it will be as You are recreating me,
Summer, Autumn, Winter, Spring.”

Sig

Filed Under: 30 Days of Thanks, adoption, being mommy, blessings, Maelie, where I am

30 Days of Thanks, Day 10: Forget

November 10, 2011 by · Leave a Comment

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ept.

I rarely forget things,

and I’ m pretty sure it drives Tobin absolutely crazy.

I remember details about things from a decade ago when he can’t even remember the event.

I sometimes frighten myself with my inability to forget.

Now I’ll be completely honest…becoming a mommy has made me more scatterbrained, but like I said, I still rarely forget things.

I think I attribute that to the fact that I hold on.

To memories, to friendships, to experiences.

Letting go is extremely difficult for me.

That’s kind of a hard thing to admit.

I’m just afraid that if I let go? I won’t remember.

And that means I’ll forget.

Scary.

People told me when Mae was born to savor every second because those moments would be gone so quickly.

It’s hard to believe them when you’re in the thick of something…I was sure I’d never forget a single detail…even if I was overly sleep-deprived and emotionally spent.

So not true.

Now that I’ve emerged from the overwhelmingly, exhausting world of feed, play, sleep, repeat…I don’t remember like I thought

I would. I still remember a lot…but I’ve definitely forgotten some things. Important things…like when her first smile was and when she first rolled over.

The good news about forgetting…that I am thankful for

?

Is that though I may not remember each of those details and little things she did each day, they all add up to make this amazingly wonderful, little girl (who is currently NOT napping like she’s supposed to be…) into who she is.

I love that, even if I forgot some of the details. :)

Sig

Filed Under: 30 Days of Thanks, being mommy, Maelie, remembering

30 Days of Thanks, Day 2: Love

November 2, 2011 by · Leave a Comment

I woke up that

morning at the last possible second, knowing full well that my days of sleeping in were officially over.

I showered, did my hair and makeup, brushed my teeth, grabbed my hospital bag, said goodbye to the dogs, and we headed out the door.

We checked in, and after some preliminary paperwork and an I.V., I just laid there in that hospital bed, th

inking.

What will she look like?

What will her cry sound like

?

Will she have hair?

Will she love me

?

About an hour later they wheeled me into the OR and prepped me for surgery. I was so nervous…and at the same time, so filled with joy at the thought of meet ing me daughter

in just a few m

inutes.

It was an easy surgery…well, as far as C-sections go. There was some tugging and pulling…and then I heard her.

That cry…so. beautiful.

They held her up above the screen so I could see her…she was covered with white goop and screaming her tiny lungs out… and my heart was so full, I thought it would burst.

They cleaned her up and brought

her to me. You can’t tell in the picture, but once she was next to me, I cried.

I was so completely in Love.

So this is what it feels like.

I’ve been blessed to love and be loved many times in my life…but when I saw the topic I chose for myself :) tonight, I knew what I wanted to write about.

For so many years, I wondered if I’d get to find out what a mommy’s love is like.

I’m so thankful that I did.

And I’m thankful, even more, that the love I have for my daughter only grows.

I thought I loved her as much as possible the moment she was born, but each day it seems that I love her a little bit more.

I guess love is just like that.

Sig

Filed Under: 30 Days of Thanks, being mommy, Maelie

Halloweenin’ It

October 31, 2011 by · 4 Comments

We h ad

a really fun Halloween.

It’s a holiday that neither Tobin or I really celebrated growing up, but we always thought the dressing up part would be

fun, and we didn’t want Mae to miss out on that, especially since she’s at such

a cute

age.

:)

So… we dressed her up in her UH-dorable ladybug costume and took her to spread some sunshine to the neighbors.

She’s too young to appreciate the candy, but that didn’t stop her from taking it.

:)

After trick-or-treating, we headed home so Tobin and I could put on the pig costumes some friends graciously loaned to us.

:) Then we met up with our good friends, Jonny and Kris (who totally rocked their cow costumes), and we all headed to Chipotle for $2 burrito night.

I had thought I would need to title this post something like…Friends don’t let friends wear farm animal costumes in public OR The things we’ll do for a $2 burrito…
😉

But I don’t need to do that because it was a really fun night, and not nearly as embarr

assing as I thought it might be.

We just had a really good time.

Although next year, I’ll come up with something a little more creative.

:)

Happy Halloween!

Sig

Filed Under: adventures, friends, just life, Maelie, Tobin

Chitter Chatter Late on a Saturday Night

October 29, 2011 by · Leave a Comment

It’s been a weird day.

Weird in a not-so-good way, so I’m very thankful that today is almost over and I get

to start again tomorrow.

Thanks, God, for your new mercies. I will be intentionally soak

ing them all in tomorrow.

To be honest, I would love to have a virtual coffee date with you all right now. Unfortunately, I’ve reached my max for caffeine with an Americano and a Diet Coke, both since 2:00 today, and I need to sleep tonight. Enough said. :)

Instead, we can just talk while I finish up my late-night, day-off snack of tortilla chips and melted, buffalo flavored Velveeta. Seriously, it’s good, but I was also raised on processed cheese, so I think it always tastes good…I think certain friends I have who were raised on dairy farms would disagree with my thinking.

😉 I will tell ya, though, that over in Indonesia, I missed Velveeta so badly that I once had a friend bring me a huge two pound block of it when she came back after Christmas one year.

It was glorious. And I didn’t share…at all.

I’ve been trying to pull three mile runs in the mornings when I go out.

That’s almost double what I was running for so long that it feels like a lot. The good news is, I think I might actually be ready to run this 5k next weekend. I’m not looking forward to running in the cold…or being cold, in general, but I do like the whole chocolate everywhere thing. I WILL run for chocolate.

:)

And as a bonus, since packet pick-up is only Thursday and Friday, and since I also have praise team Thursday night, Tobin took Friday off.

We’re gonna trek downtown, pick up my stuff, then go check out an Indonesian restaurant…possibly the only one in all of Chicago. Bring on the sate and rendang and pisang goreng…woohoo!

I could not be more excited about Indonesian food.

And I NEVER got excited about it when we lived there. Funny.

While I’ve tried to not obsess on the blog about weight loss, today was monumental.

I’m a pound UNDER my pre-baby weight.

I saw a number on the scale today that I thought I might never see again…and I loved it so much that I went for a three mile run…and then ate a bagel. (It was worth it, since I know you’re all wondering!) And tomorrow night at my weekly workout with friends, we’re gonna celebrate with these.

If you’ve never tried one, you should. For an energy bar, they’re pretty amazing. And I like that they’re not full of grainy stuff…I don’t feel like I’m eating cardboard.

So I love my daughter.

Really. But somewhere between Tuesday and today, she decided that one hour naps AND shorter nights are enough for her. She has been giving me about an hour nap each afternoon and sleeping about an hour less at night, too. I am not sure what to think of this… it kinda makes me grumpy if I think about

it too long. I always enjoyed my afternoons when she was napping because I could catch up on blogging and squeeze in some strength training and shower before she even woke up.

Life as we know it has changed.

Thankfully, she is generally JOYful just to run through the house and get into things. I love that about her, minus the getting into things part.

😉 And just look at what she built all by herself today…she truly amazes me. :)

Every year I spend $1 in the Target Dollar Section.

(Ok, ok, so I spend a LOT more than a dollar every year, but THIS dollar is for something specific…) I joke that it’s the best dollar I ever spend…but that might be true. I buy a little day planner that’s the perfect size…I write my life in it and take it everywhere I go. I actually bought one at Michael’s a couple weeks ago because Target didn’t have theirs out yet, but as I was wandering through the Dollar Section today, I saw this.

And I totally spent another dollar because it’s way too perfect.

Think God is trying to remind me of something

?

After a day like today, JOY is hard. My heart is not ok, and I’ve cried more than I want to admit. I feel broken, I feel lost…and the only thing remotely salvaging tonight is the fact that I know God is there…and that He’s able to fix broken and find lost.

And His mercies are new Every.

Single. Morning.

Praise Him for that.

I need to wind this up…long, emotional days require extra sleep, and you don’t need to ask me twice to sleep. 😉

G’nite.

Sig

Filed Under: coffee, just life, Maelie, random, running, where I am

Flashback…Thursday?

October 27, 2011 by · 4 Comments

I was chatting with a friend today and remembered that we had this.

To be honest, it’s kind of embarrassing and yet, at the same time, a wonderful memory.

I am hugely pregnant,  SO not a beautiful pregnant woman at all, AND I talk about sweat running down my nose.

Trust me, if you had been there, you would have had sweat running down your nose, too. 😉

But I love it anyway.

So, ignore the weirdness that we are, and enjoy the beautiful beach and Maelie’s first “trip” to Bali. :)

Sig

Filed Under: adventures, Indonesia, just life, Maelie, travel

Storytime

October 24, 2011 by · Leave a Comment

I am not the most stellar book-reader.

But my daughter?

Is very,

very cute when she is being read to.

 

Enough said. :)

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, just life, Maelie

Missing Moments

October 19, 2011 by · 2 Comments

It’s barely early afternoon, and I already know I won’t be getting the Mommy Award today.

Tuesdays and Wednesdays are busy…and stressful. Because I leave for work at 4:30, I have to make sure that Mae and Tobin have something to eat for dinner…and pb & j is really only ok every other week or so.

They like REAL dinner…can’t say I blame them too much. 😉

I’ve also been slightly procrastinating a blog post that I need to finish by tonight to keep myself on track…and I haven’t found the time to string the words together yet.

And in between getting all of that ready and spending all day with my girl, I’ve found myself losing my patience with her 

so much more quickly.

I think part of it is Mae’s age, but I KNOW that most of it is me.

Mae is dying to be close

to me all the time and wants to help me do everything. Her idea of being helpful

? Throwing EVERYTHING into the kitchen garbage.

No matter what I try, she just can’t seem to understand that not everything belongs in the trash can…she just loves to “help”.

It’s almost as cute as it is annoying, and I truly think she’s trying to be helpful, but after fishing things out of it over and over all morning, I finally lost it.

And I yelled.

The look on her face said everything, and I knew I’ d completely messe

d up.

I took a few deep breaths, counted, and went over to her.

I love kids and how quickly they forget.

She held her arms up, and when I picked her up she gave me a hug. I sat down with her on the couch and talked to her about staying out of

the garbage.

I know she doesn’t get it yet.

But that’ s not the point.

I also asked her to forgive me and prayed with her.

I know she doesn’t get that yet, either, but that’s really not the point.

I’m finding that on busy days when I have an agenda and so many things I feel like I need to accomplish, I miss out on the moments that make up a day.

My girl is 16 months old, and she’s already growing up too fast.

She’s down for a nap now, and she’ll probably wake up just before I leave for work.

I’ll get a few minutes with her, and then I won’t see her again until tomorrow morning.

Another day gone.

And how many of those moments did I take today? I sat down to read a few books with her, I played the stacking toy with her, I took a (very, very) short walk outside with her.

But I don’t w ant to miss

those precious hugs, those sweet giggles, those times I can’t get back…any of them…because I’ m too focused on

making dinner or finishing a blog post or making a grocery list.

I don’t want to miss a day.

A moment.

A second.

Tobin and Maelie might have to order a pizza more often, but at least I’ll know that I spent my days in the best possible way I could.

Because I didn’t miss any moments.

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, Maelie, where I am
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