just life

Blessings for Today

August 17, 2012 by Mel · Leave a Comment

I read a really good reminder this morning in the book, Jesus Calling.

“Accept each day just as it comes to you. Do not waste your time and energy wishing for a different set of circumstances. Instead, trust Me enough to yield to My design and purposes. Remember that nothing can separate you from My loving Presence; you are Mine.

I love it.

I love, even more, how God knows exactly what I need each day…and how He always gives it.

It doesn’t always look the same.

Sometimes His measure of mercy, from an earthly perspective, looks far bigger for one day than it does for another. On days like Wednesday, when I was fighting pain and desperately needed healing, it was more tangible.

Today is different. Yes, there is pain, but it’s more manageable and isn’t the type that I spend time crying to God, begging for healing.

He knows my needs each day and gives according to what He knows I need…not according to what I think I need.

I love that about Him.

The rest of today, and for at least the weekend, I’m going to intentionally focus on those blessings…however He chooses to give them.

Today they came in simpler forms, but were no less than blessings…a friend offering to take Maelie for the morning. A nap. Tobin being able to work half a day in the office. A shower and the energy to do my hair and makeup. A visit from a friend. A facebook note from a friend. A chocolate banana smoothie from my hubby. Friends who are bringing us dinner tonight. A chance to slow down and reflect. A smiling girl who understands mommy’s “owie” and continually reminds me that Jesus will make it better.

Tell me that I’m not one of the most blessed people on the planet.

Wishing you all a wonderful weekend! Lotsa love to you, my friends.

Filed Under: blessings, friends, just life, Maelie, Tobin, what I'm learning, where I am

There’s No Place Like The Purple Couch

August 16, 2012 by Mel · 2 Comments

I’m back.

So I ended up taking a two day hiatus from the blog. And that’s ok. I need to give myself permission for things like that.

Especially when abdominal surgery is involved.

So the gall bladder came out on Tuesday.

The surgery itself was fine…I cried a little when they took me back to the OR and made me say goodbye to Tobin. But they gave me some type of sedative that had me floating within seconds, and before I knew it we were in the Operating Room. I vaguely remember them moving me to the operating table and strapping me down, and the next thing I remember is coming out of it all and doing something totally Mel.

Yeah, when the nurse asked me what I needed, I told her I wanted a hug.

Thank God for nurses who oblige strange requests, and even better, don’t make the patient feel like a complete idiot for asking in the first place.

She totally gave me a hug and then held my hand ’til I came to a little more.

At the time I thought it was completely normal to need a hug…now I roll my eyes at myself. However I suppose it IS better than spending the entire operation talking to my surgeon about something obscure. (Which, to my knowledge, did NOT happen. Another thank You, God.)

Tuesday afternoon was full of morphine and naps and a visit from my daughter and some sweet friends who were definitely good for my heart.

But since I was still in pain, the morphine continued to be administered.

By the next morning I still couldn’t eat anything or keep more than a tiny sip of water down, and I had a headache on top of all of that.

They figured it was the morphine making me sick, and I had to wait it all out for several hours before I could have anything more for pain. Or nausea. Or my headache. I’ll spare you the details, only to say that it was a miserable 4-5 hours.

I remember lying in that bed having a conversation with God. There was a lot of pleading with Him just take the pain away. I’m so thankful that in moments of weakness like that…especially when praising Him and giving thanks to Him were the furthest things from my mind…that He still hears prayer and answers it.

He sent a few things…a text from a friend, a phone call from my pastor, a quick chat with a nurse…to help take my mind off of the pain, too.

Once they were able to give me different pain meds and they kicked in, I perked up. I actually ate jello and crackers and even half of a turkey sandwich around 11 pm. (That is SO me…again.) I watched part of the Tonight Show and managed to get a decent night’s sleep, which I think is what really helped.

Today was ok…less pain, though it is still there and will be for a few days. I was blessed with some pretty great nurses who were there, for the most part, all three days I was in. It was nice to be on a first-name basis. Though when Tobin and Maelie came to get me around 1:30 this afternoon, I was definitely ready to go.

I went straight to our purple couch and have been (mostly) resting there since. A couple friends have stopped by, and those visits were definitely spirit-lifters. Life is good.

It’s always good to look back after a few not-so-easy days to see God in the smallest details. Gallbladder surgery was nothing earth-shattering, but it was still nice to have those reminders of His love and care.

Well, it’s getting somewhat late, and I can’t wait to crash for the night.

On the couch.

Oh, there’s no place (at least for now) like the purple couch.

Thanks for your prayers, friends.

Filed Under: blessings, encouragement, family, friends, just life, prayer, what I'm learning, where I am

Coffee?

August 13, 2012 by Mel · Leave a Comment

Mmmm…caffeine at 10 p.m.

Why, yes, I am.

Honestly, I don’t know how long it will be before I have another cup of coffee. But, let’s be honest, in Mel’s world, even a day or two seems like eons. I’m just guessing that doctors who remove gallbladders don’t really suggest that their patients drink coffee after the procedure.

Man, that stinks.

Somehow…SOMEhow…I’ll survive, I guess.

😉

So, tomorrow’s the big day, and as much as I don’t want to think about it, it’s pretty much impossible to NOT. I’ll admit to you, though, that I’m fighting the strange paradox of being potentially mortified yet slightly entertained at the strong possibility of me talking in my sleep during surgery.

When I had foot surgery in ’00 I spent the entire time talking to the doctor about skiing. He told me he was quite entertained. But I? Was completely embarrassed. And sooooo very thankful I never had to see him again. Well, after the follow-up when I got two cortisone shots in my feet to pour a little more salt into the wound.

Oy…

Does anyone else have a fear of that? I wonder if there’s a name fear of talking in your sleep during surgery?

There should be.

Ok, now that I’ve let that lovely thought re-enter my mind, we’ll move on.

Though I’m not sure to what…

I realize that this has zero to do with me, really, but I think it is utterly ridiculous that kids are going back to school so stinkin’ early. August 13th? (I have friends down South whose kiddos went back LAST Monday. The 6th.)

REALLY?!?!?!

Summer is winding down…it’s always a tiny bit depressing. On the up side, I have another year with my girlie before she heads off to PK…she’s growing up so fast! I’m excited for our year together, though…there will be so much more we can do…trips to the library, parks, and maybe, just maybe, she’ll learn to sit through a coffee date as well!

One can always have a bit of hope.

She was such a cutie today. We had a pretty busy morning with a hair appointment, a Target run, late lunch, and then a nap. (Throw in there that I went to the hospital at 6 a.m. to get my pre-op bloodwork done.) When I woke her up from her nap this afternoon, she recounted the entire day for me, telling me all kinds of details. We had the following conversation:

Me: What did we do today, Mae?

Maelie: Mommy…haircut. I love haircut. Mae-Mae needs a haircut.

Me: Maybe…not yet. And then what did we do?

Maelie: Shopping! At Target!

Me: What did we buy?

Maelie: Um…goldfish. (No, just Cheez-Its, but she thinks all crackers are goldfish. :)) And baby doll!

Me: And then what did we do?

Maelie: I take a nap. Mommy sing. Cover up. (blanket) Larry Boy! (Veggie Tales music)

Seriously, I think she’s brilliant. She doesn’t forget a thing…which, ahem…is not always good. But a good reminder for me that she is always, always watching. Learning. Repeating.

I feel like I blinked and my baby girl grew up.

I know that in sixteen years, I’ll be saying that again. And probably a lot more times in between, too.

I love her…the goofy, jumping-up-and-down-in-her-crib, spirited, fun-loving, a bit crazy but oh-so sweet girl that she is.

I’m so blessed.

And on another random note, I heard this song on KLove today. I loved hearing it on the radio though I found the music video slightly cheesy. However, I have never in my life seen someone look so incredibly UH-dorable while singing and playing the guitar. In clunky shoes. Maybe that’ll be me one day. Hey, I can dream.

Have a listen!

Hopefully I’ll be on the blog for at least a little while tomorrow, but we’ll see how things go. Thanks for your prayers, friends!

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, coffee, hair, just life, Maelie, music, where I am

Little Blessings (Pt. 46)

August 12, 2012 by Mel · Leave a Comment

A super-successful, first-of-many, 5k event yesterday. YAY!

Snuggling with my girl while we sing songs together.

Friend chats with chocolate.

Music that lifts my soul and honors my Father.

Friends who will go out of their way to help me.

Double Stuf Oreo Cakesters. (Yeah, DON’T read the nutrition facts. Really. They won’t be a blessing anymore if you do!)

A hubby who will go grocery shopping so I don’t have to. He’s a keeper.

Words that are slowly returning. (I think.) 😉

Having a God Who is not limited. Ever.

Prayer and how powerful it is…thanks to each of you who have prayed for me. God is Good.

Filed Under: blessings, just life, where I am

Rest

August 11, 2012 by Mel · Leave a Comment

The other night Tobin commented on how quiet Maelie was when I put her to bed that night.

I told him it was usually that way. Because before I put her into her crib, we always take about ten minutes to rock, cuddle, and sing. It’s a special time of day for me with my girl, and even if she starts out those minutes wiggly and hyper and ready to run circles, she always calms down and snuggles close within a few minutes.

I’ve continued to think about that since our conversation… it really is a beautiful picture of our Father.

Sometimes life is just like that pre-cuddle-with-Maelie time…it’s full of those crazy, so-anxious-we-want-to-run-laps, emotions that threaten to swallow us completely. Feeling that it’s impossible to sit still and just Rest.

As I processed through some things this past week, there was one thing that really calmed this heart.

Taking that time to sit, be still, and spend time with my Father. Sometimes I wish He could give me a real hug, but the promises in His Word are just as good.

I’ve got a couple days coming up that are going to have moments of anxiety.

Instead of letting those feelings overtake me, I’m choosing to find rest in my Father.

He is so, so, Good.

Filed Under: being mommy, just life, Maelie, what I'm learning, where I am

Hard

August 8, 2012 by Mel · Leave a Comment

She’s asleep for the afternoon, and I sit down.

To exhale.

To contemplate.

To maybe-write.

To process, but not too much.

I don’t want to think that deeply.

If I can be honest with you, I’m less than a minute into this thing, and the tears are already streaming down my cheeks.

My head has no clue why, but my heart does.

It has been such a hard year.

Yes, in the middle of August, it’s been a hard year.

There are the typical marriage things that come up. No one’s is perfect, and mine is nowhere near. We are learning, we are growing, we are loving each other, we are trusting Him…and that’s all we can do.

It’s not bad. There are very good moments. But it’s still hard…this learning, growing, stretching, process of change that pounds and molds and chips away the bad parts of each half.

That’s how it should be.

But it’s hard.

I fight the feeling of worth. Yes, this is home. Yes, I spend my days with the most wonderful little girl.

But let’s be real for a minute…no fluff allowed.

She’s two.

And while two is exactly what she should be, it’s still hard.

It’s a daily battle of walking that fine, almost-invisible line of discipline and love, of grace and correcting. I sometimes feel like I stink at at. Especially when she looks at me, tears threatening to spill, after a time-out, and it takes everything in me to not burst into tears myself.

I suppose this is normal mommyhood.

But it’s still hard.

And being the extrovert I am, that person who thrives around social interaction, coffee, and lots of chatting and people…it’s been a lonely summer.

Part of that is me…maybe I should have called more people. But part of me wonders where exactly my place is in this community. When I think of someone as a friend, do they think the same thing?

It sounds so teenager, but it’s real. We’re women, and I think we’re all in that place from time to time.

We wonder what’s wrong with us…I wonder what’s wrong with me.

I wonder if I’ll ever feel like I belong.

That’s a hard place to be.

And if all of this wasn’t hard enough, now I get to have surgery.

I know. I know it’s not a huge deal, and it’s four little incisions and only an hour long. It’s only one night in the hospital. It’s all of those things.

And yet, it feels like God is just saying to me…How much more can you take, Mel? Huh? How much more can I dump on you?

We’re keeping it real. I KNOW that’s not how it is.

But at this very point in my life, it’s hard to feel that way.

This is hard.

And maybe hardest of all is my lack of words.

I miss writing so much.

Really writing.

Like, completely pouring out my soul, sharing all He’s doing, making you laugh (I hope!) over the hilarious happenings in our days or smile over the things that bring JOY.

Those words have escaped and been replaced by…not much.

It’s hard when something so defining seems to be so absent.

There have been whispers in these difficult moments, and though it’s hard to understand, I know He’s still near. I know He has me in this season for a purpose, and though I might not see it, I just need to keep going.

Loving on my girl.

Trying to be a good friend.

Kissing my hubby.

Living Love.

Taking each step, knowing He’s here..and that He’s already been here, too.

That heals a heart on the hard days when I feel alone.

Thanks for listening.

Filed Under: just life, what I'm learning, where I am

Full of Words

August 6, 2012 by Mel · Leave a Comment

I am, actually.

But taking them and turning them into coherent, thought-provoking sentences?

Not as much.

I think I might be getting there, though.

In the meantime, tonight I’m letting Wordle do the blogging for me. 😉 It’s a cool site…you plug in whatever words you want, and they make a word cloud out of them…the bigger the word, the more often I used it. It’s actually slightly comical to look at some of the words that I obviously overuse. (Oh, and if you click on it, you can see a bigger image.)

And, to make this one, I entered my last 75 blog entries. This is basically my summer in word-cloud form.

Kinda cool.

Filed Under: just life, random, writing

Just Writing

August 5, 2012 by Mel · Leave a Comment

Sometimes it’s good for me to go back and read the archives of my blog.

I did that recently.

It brought a lot of emotions…joy, amazement, gratitude…to name a few. Oh, and there was a teeny bit of embarrassment in there, too. ‘Cause there are always those days when I share too much. Oh, well.

But for the most part, it was good.

And I also came across a few blog prompts that I’d do again.

So tonight is going to be one of those nights…maybe tomorrow I’ll start heart-spilling. There’s a lot of that to be done in the next few days, I think.

But more on THAT…later.

Here’s the random of a Sunday. And of life.

Yesterday…Oh, how I love Saturdays. I woke up in a beautiful hotel because Tobin and I went away for a night to celebrate our 10th. It was nice. We watched some Olympics on one of the two big-screen TV’s in our room (crazy!) and then went out for coffee before going home and picking up Mae, who stayed with our sweet friends across the street. The rest of Saturday was just…the three of us. It was good. Normal. Well, as normal as we are.

Today…Not my favorite day, but I suppose those happen sometimes, huh? I just felt like I got hit from all angles…physically (bad headache), emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually. Sleep will be good. It always helps.

Tomorrow…A new day, for which I am very thankful. I’m hoping (if the headache is gone) to get up and run the 5k route for Saturday before Tobin goes to work. (I’m not actually running the race on Saturday…too busy with other 5k details, so I’m going to run it a couple times this week and try to break my goal of under 27 minutes. I’m c.l.o.s.e.)

Next week…I’m guessing is potentially the week my gall bladder will come out. (Or the week after…) I’m still processing how I feel about the whole thing. I think maybe I’m NOT processing it…just stuffing all of that deep down and hoping that it won’t hit me too hard. It’s just surgery, right?

Next month…My biggest goal for fall is to work my way up to 13.1 miles. I’m not planning an official half marathon this year, but I want to see if I can run the distance. It’s going to require some major discipline and a lot of early mornings. I can do it. At least I tell myself I can.

Next year…About this time, I hope to be training for the Chicago. I even have a training partner already…she’s running it this year, so it will be nice to have her expert advice. Hopefully my hip and knee decide to cooperate with my plan.

Somehow this turned into a post about running.

Life is full of other things, too…and it’s good. Looking for the JOY in each day and trusting that my Father is always good.

More tomorrow.

Love you all.

Filed Under: blessings, just life, random, where I am