Collisions

December 30, 2012 by · 2 Comments

Is it bad to tell you that for the last week writing has been about the last thing I’ve wanted to do?

I especially felt guilty about that as I’d read the blogs of friends…they were all so inspiring and beautiful as each writer managed to take something profound from the birth of Jesus and apply it to life now.

I mean, it’s Christmas, after all. That’s when bloggers are supposed to pull out their best writing.

Not me.

And I suppose it’s not that way for everyone. It’s just how I feel. How I felt as I labored, literally, over each word in the last week, trying to pull beautiful out of seemingly nowhere.

And as I opened my laptop tonight, part of me just wanted to go to bed and do some more non-writing.

Which, I guess, is the opposite of writing.

Which makes me a genius for figuring that out? 😉

At any rate, yeah.

Life is just a strange collision right now.

In some ways, that’s not a diversion from the normal of life. There are always ups and downs, joys and sorrows, things that make me laugh and others that make me cry, times of being surrounded and times of loneliness.

I usually have no problem processing those things, but for some reason, it feels almost impossible to scribble out anything worth reading lately.

That’s why I post pictures like this one. Hey, when you have a cute little princess dancing for the camera, who needs words? 😉

But if I’m being honest, life is a mix of crazy confusion and big blessing right now.

I’m supposed to be in the thick of book-writing right now, and instead I’m wading through a swamp of doubt and fear and insecurity.

To be blunt…it sucks.

Not only does it just suck…but it’s suckING me down, slowly.

I’m questioning purpose, the right to dream, and if I’ve actually got what it takes to follow through. It’s discouraging, at-times depressing, and just feels…wrong.

It feels wrong to be even feeling those things when there are so many blessings surrounding me.

Because there really are.

Friends, family, community, church, sisters and dreamers…all good things. And there are so many more.

I know I am blessed, but I am also reminded that any journey toward a goal isn’t without challenges.

Most of you know that I’m writing a book with the goal of being finished by May. (I’m shooting for much sooner, but well see. :)) I could use prayer.

Prayer for focus…that I will keep my eyes on what I’ve set out to accomplish. And that I’ll keep them on my Father and what He’s asking me to do.

Prayer for balance…because I’m still a wife and mommy, and those two titles take precedence over “writer” each and every moment, as they should.

Prayer for wisdom…that God will guide my words and help me to speak Truth without being culturally offensive. (This is a big fear of mine because some of my writing deals with life in another culture.)

Prayer for love…that each word will be just that.

Thanks for reading my collision of words tonight. Blessings to you all as you close out 2012…can you believe it?! Time just zips by.

Love this quote I found today…maybe it will add some inspiration to your day, too. :)

Sig

Filed Under: adventures, being mommy, blessings, encouragement, family, friends, goals, God-Sized Dreams, just life, Maelie, prayer, Tobin, what I'm learning, where I am, writing

‘Tis the Season

December 27, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Just being up front here…I celebrate Christmas ’til New Years. K? 😉

That’s why when my girl crashed for the night at 6 pm (really), I decided to make myself a mocha and curl up on the couch under my favorite flannel blanket to do some writing. I think the Christmas tree lights are inspiring. :)

We had a great Christmas.

Really great.

It seems that the last few we’ve spent here have each looked different, but they’ve all been good. This year we spent Christmas Eve with some sweet friends from church, and then we spent Christmas Day just the three of us.

It was nice. :)

This was the first year that Maelie really understood the concept of baby Jesus and Christmas presents…it was so much fun to see Christmas through the eyes of a little girl. She slept in, and once she was up we took our time with gifts. She’d open one or two, play for awhile, we stopped to make breakfast, read a few stories, opened a few more gifts, played more, opened the rest, and then finally opened our stockings. I think we finished around one in the afternoon, and it was perfect. :)

A few pics of the fun. What a cutie. :)

Santa brought a “Cinderella toy”, just like she wished for. :)

Her “very own iPad!” (her words ;)) Though she doesn’t have the concept yet, she will soon enough, and Mommy and Daddy shout out a huge “thank you!” to Grandma Rose and Grandpa and Wilma O for making road trips more enjoyable. :)

Yesterday we trekked (not really…it’s an easy, just-over-an-hour drive) to Janesville to see some dear Indo-friends who now teach in Peru but were home for Christmas. I love these reunions, and we have been blessed with many of them. We also got to catch up with more friends who were passing through the area…it was just a great, big Indo-reunion. So fun. :)

Today we just took it easy. Did a Target run as a family…the kind where our hilarious (read: possibly slightly dramatic) daughter completely chilled out in the cart and kicked her feet up. Oh, I love her and the countless ways she brings a smile to my face…and to my heart. :)

It was a busy afternoon of princess-playing and Tinkerbell-watching and cookie-munching, (hey, I said I celebrate ’til New Years!) and by five this afternoon, she’d had it. She snuggled up close for a story, a few songs, and went to sleep.

And I smile.

I love the traditions we’re beginning as a family.

I feel so loved.

Life is just really, really…blessed.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. Thanks for stopping by tonight!

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, family, friends, Indonesia, just life, Maelie, where I am

Silent Night

December 24, 2012 by · 2 Comments

Silent Night.

And I breathe.

It’s almost 11 p.m.

The presents are wrapped and under the tree, except for the ones from Santa, of course. (I expect he’ll be showing up any moment now.)

The house is presentable, though there is a bit more picking up that needs to be done.

A little girl is (finally) sleeping soundly upstairs.

Our hearts are happy and full from a Christmas Eve spent with some wonderful friends.

And my feet are tired, but they’re propped up at the moment, so all is well.

I told my hubby this morning that it doesn’t seem like it should be December 24th today. I’m not sure where the month went or where my heart went either, for that matter.

It felt like, at times, chaos reigned in my life instead of my Savior; that busyness instead of reflection took over my moments.

My daughter will have a beautiful Christmas day tomorrow, I know that. But I want it to be beautiful for the right reasons…not because (hypothetically, of course) there has been an explosion of Disney Princess love in the living room. 😉

She’s starting to connect already…Baby Jesus and Mary and Joseph, and I never want the importance of what happened on that Christmas so long ago to leave her heart or her mind.

I want her to understand that the baby born in a stable was truly the greatest gift the world has ever seen. Not only that, but on the night he was born…he was born to love her.

To die for her.

Of all the things that her daddy and I can give her for Christmas, modeling that love for Jesus is the greatest of all.

It’s nice to have a silent night…after the busy and the sometimes-crazy.

Wishing you all blessings as you celebrate the birth of our Savior with your friends and family.

Silent night, holy night.
All is calm, all is bright.
Round yon Virgin Mother and Child,
Holy Infant, so tender and mild.
Sleep in heavenly peace,
Sleep in heavenly peace.

Silent night, holy night.
Son of God, Love’s pure light.
Radiant beams from Thy holy face,
With the dawn of redeeming grace.
Jesus, Lord, at thy birth,
Jesus, Lord, at thy birth.

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, encouragement, family, friends, Maelie, where I am

Christmas Favorites

December 22, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Song? Hope is Born Again (Point of Grace)

Movie? Prancer takes the cake. But closely following it are Home Alone and It’s a Wonderful Life. And for some reason, I associate The Sound of Music with Christmas, so although it’s not technically a Christmas movie, it still makes the list. :)

Book? Would you believe I just started reading A Christmas Carol for the first time two nights ago? Determined to finish it by Christmas. :) But I also love The House Without a Christmas Tree and The Best Christmas Pageant Ever, two books I read over and over as a child.

Drink? I hate eggnog…just throwin’ that out there now. 😉 Apple cider and coffee with holiday creamers.

Food? I don’t know that I have one favorite. Love the cookies. Love ham and all the yummy things that go with it.

Childhood Memory? Probably when I was nine years old. I had asked for a scooter, and when I came downstairs (at around 5 a.m. I’m sure!) it was under the tree. But it was so cold and snowy that I rode that scooter around the basement until March. :)

Most Unique? We spent Christmas of ’06 in Thailand with our friends, Becky and Andy. On Christmas morning, we exchanged stockings, ate breakfast, and then went to the Grand Palace in Bangkok. That night we went out for an incredible Italian dinner and finished the day with a little shopping in the market. Definitely a Christmas to remember!

Tradition? Now that we have Mae, I love the little things we are doing to give her traditions and memories…like our Advent calendar (which we always forget to do!), buying her an ornament each year that represents something significant from her life that year. As she gets older, it will be fun to do things like gingerbread houses and decorating cookies.

Giving or Receiving? Giving.

Tree…Real or Fake? Fake, out of necessity. I need to be able to breathe. 😉

White Christmas? Yes to the movie. The snow, I can go either way…so it’s win-win.

Lights? Yes again, but only white. Not a fan of multicolored.

Memorable Gift? I went a year and a half in Indonesia without my wedding ring. (Long story.) One Christmas Tobin picked out a white gold ring for me with three little diamonds. I loved it, and I love that he picked it out himself. :)

Wish List? It’s more fun to wish for Mae. :) But call me a dork…I asked for leg warmers. Really. If they are in my stocking on Christmas morning, I’ll be a happy girl.

Perfect Day? One spent surrounded by my family and/or friends and filled with laughter and love.

Feel free to join me and leave your answers in the comments. 😉 Hope you’re all enjoying the Christmas season…it’s a busy one, isn’t it?

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, family, friends, just life, remembering, where I am

Little Blessings (Pt. 57)

December 20, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

:) Staying warm inside the house when the winds are blowing outside. (I was gonna talk about my slippers but think maybe I’ve overkilled that one. ;))

:) Cookie parties.

:) A heart to heart with a friend.

:) Decorating an empty wall.

:) Pretty incredible news that I’ll share with y’all soon. 😉

:) Dozens of colored lights and beautiful reminders of my Savior’s birth.

:) Handbell-ringing. I am still not good, but it’s still fun. 😉

:) A good workout after a nine-day hiatus. (Nasty cold. Feeling better now. :))

:) Perspective and moments to hold my daughter close.

:) The beautiful way that God is continuing to build community for me. (More on that soon!)

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, family, friends, just life, where I am

and More Honesty

December 17, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

I don’t want last Friday to become a theme of my blog.

Because it isn’t about me…though it is where my heart is right now.

And I have to tell y’all the truth…I’m completely and utterly torn. Like, wake-up-at-4:30 a.m.-with-tears-streaking, torn.

In the dark, I whisper why‘s and how‘s and what-if‘s…all of those questions that should never be uttered because I know

Who.

And my sweet girl sleeps soundly in her room, and everything in me aches to lift her from her gonna-be-a-toddler-bed-soon crib, even though it’s the wee hours of the morning, just to feel her heart beating against my chest. How I would gladly sacrifice sleep and a less-tired day for the reassurance at that moment that she is alive and well.

I opt, instead, to tiptoe into her room, rest my sweating and shaking hand upon her chest, and wait until she’s taken a few deep breaths. Satisfied, I leave as quietly as I entered.

But sleep has escaped me and there’s nothing to do but lie there in bed and…pray.

I know my prayers aren’t meaningless and unheard, but how can a person feel that their words to God can mean anything in light of the magnitude of heartbreak enveloping so many lives?

It’s a question I grapple with as I lie there.

The household doesn’t stir for almost an hour an a half more; even the dogs are oblivious to my nighttime restlessness.

I talk to Him. About the families, about those aching. I pray for those I know personally who need extra strength or healing. I talk to Him about my dreams, about my hopes.

I give thanks.

Thanks that I have the blessing of a little girl who is the sunshine.

Thanks, too, for the shadows that preceded the sunshine, because they brought more beauty than I ever dreamed possible.

And in that moment, I remind myself…

Oh, what dark shadows are surrounding these lives right now.

But, oh, what complete beauty will come.

Weeping may last for the night, but joy…JOY…comes in the morning.

He’s promised us this, and so we can know and lean on this Truth.

Oh, Father, we anxiously await the day when You will bring that JOY. And until then, we lift these precious families to You, knowing that You’re holding each of them in Your strong and sovereign grasp.

Sig

Filed Under: being mommy, blessings, family, friends, just life, Maelie, prayer, where I am

Cookies…Oh, Cookies

December 11, 2012 by · 2 Comments

So it’s gonna be one of those posts.

The kind where I type a few words between cookie batches. 😉

The kind where I desperately attempt not to be serious because, honestly, there’s so much going on in my brain (and heart) that I’d rather not completely spill everything tonight because I want to actually sleep.

That, and I really need to focus on cookie-baking.

Can we say, Pro. Cras. Tin. A. Tion. ???

I am so, so bad.

We have a neighborhood party at our house on Sunday, and yours truly seriously started baking the cookies for it today. (Let’s just say we have a LOT of cookies to go.)

Last year I think I was done a week in advance with everything perfectly frosted and sprinkled and stored in the freezer.

Oy…

It’s funny how childhood has quite the bearing on our Christmas cookie preferences as adults…at least it rings true in this house.

Tobin loves these cookies his mom always made (and still does) called Bon Bons. Basically sugar-ish cookie dough wrapped around something like cherries (his favorite), chocolate, or nuts. Oh, they have frosting, too. They’re ok, and since they’re his favorite, I can’t remember a Christmas in our married lives when we haven’t had a batch (or twelve) of them in our house. 😉

But my favorite are still plain old sugar cookies with frosting and sprinkles. When I was growing up, I loved when my mom would bring home sugar cookie dough and a can of frosting and a jar of sprinkles and I could “make” my own Christmas cookies.

I still love them…though my sugar cookies don’t come from a tube anymore. (But don’t ask me about the summer of ’08 when we were home from Indonesia and the tube of sugar cookie dough and the spoon. Ever. ‘Cause if I told you the story, you might wonder how on earth I managed to NOT die from salmonella. Really.)

Ok, ok, that was quite the confession. 😉

Back to cookies…not cookie DOUGH.

So we have a list of several kinds to make by Sunday, and while I enjoy making them, it seems a bit daunting right now. One batch at a time, I guess. :)

But other than the two kinds I talked about, we don’t have any others that are every-year-or-die-from-cookie-withdrawl. We’re both suckers for peanut butter and mint, so this year the other three types of cookies on our list involve those.

Are you drooling yet?

I am. And I ate, um…I ate some cookies today. The number will not be disclosed until I attempt to run off at least some of the calories tomorrow morning. 😉

So, what about you or your family? Are there any kinds of Christmas cookies that you just have to make in order for the holiday season to be complete? (Recipe links are welcome!)

Now off I go to bed.

To probably dream about cookies. 😉 G’nite!

Sig

Filed Under: family, food, friends, just life

Saturday Chatter

November 24, 2012 by · 2 Comments

Laughing to myself already.

😀

‘Cause I’m pretty sure the word chatter can be defined in more than one way today.

For instance, I woke up in Minnesota this morning, and it was eight degrees outside.

Yes, you read that right.

Goodness, it was C.O.L.D. And my teeth were definitely chattering.

We kinda half-looked at the weather forecast before we left on Wednesday, but it said nothing about snow or eight degrees. I guess we should have known, especially since we lived there for several years, that weather in that great state is far from predictable. Hence, we froze.

But I could use the word chatter and go on and on about the past few days, too. They were good.

Family, memories, laughs, lotsa food…it was a memorable Thanksgiving. Potentially the most memorable for me was Black Friday shopping. I’ve gone before, but I’ve never made a special effort to go right when a store opens for a certain deal. My sis-in-law was all about that, and so I tagged along.

AND got to watch.

Hee hee hee. 😀

While hundreds of customers at Walmart dove into piles of stuff, I stood back and watched a real-life commercial. Stuff really did fly everywhere. It was quite entertaining. After the chaos died down a little, I trotted over to the pajama section and scored myself a super-comfy pair of slippers for $6, found a couple of fun things for Mae, checked out in five minutes, and left as happy as a clam. (Are clams happy? Why do people use that expression?!?!)

Anyway, a few more stops with the definite non-highlight being standing in line at Target for 45 minutes. Thankfully the people in front of us were friendly and like to talk as much as I do. 😉

We got home at 2 a.m., and my incredibly cool hubby got up and ate pie with me at 2:30. Isn’t he great?! :)  Then, being the awesome wife I am, I went with him to Menards the next morning. (Read: later…no way was I getting up at five!) We actually enjoyed ourselves. 😉

So, that was my Black Friday, and it was…well, it was.

It was a good few days, but it’s always nice to be home.

We headed back today, making stops in St. Paul and Janesville to see friends and pulled into the driveway at 7 p.m…tired. I mean, Mae protested going to bed…for the whole sixty seconds it took her to fall asleep. 😉 I made myself do laundry and unpack tonight, but bedtime? Is coming soon. :)

I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving…blessings, friends!

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, family, friends, just life, random, travel, where I am

Five-Minute Friday: Thank You

November 23, 2012 by · 4 Comments

Today I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo at The Gypsy Mamafor Five-Minute Friday.

Join me!

The rules: Write for five minutes. No editing, revising, overthinking, or backtracking. Just write.

Today’s Topic: Thank You

Some days the thanks come so easily.

And on those days it’s often the most simple things that bring the most gratitude.

My family. Being surrounded by my hubby and my daughter and my two doggie boys. Knowing that there is love exploding in our house. ‘Tis perfect…for me. :)

My friends. Those who don’t always get me but love me despite that and are Jesus to me anyway, even if I’m having a not-so-lovable day.

Today…the blessing of a snowy outside but a blanket and slippers and legwarmers (lovin’ them!) and time to sit down to write words while my girlie watches Snow White.

Such simple blessings, but the Giver of them knows my needs…and does just that. Gives them.

Some days the thanks don’t come as easily. Disappointments, hurts, and emotions cloud what I want to be reflected in my heart, and I forget to look beyond them to say a simple thanks.

Because there are so many reason to say thank you to Him for all He has done. It certainly can’t be in five minutes, but I’m thankful that despite what may not come out in words for others to know, He knows the thanks in my heart, and I pray that those sometimes-whispers will speak more loudly than anything I could write or speak.

I am loved, I am forgiven, I am secure, I am His. I am surrounded by Love, washed in His grace, forever His daughter.

And those things are enough to make my heart scream, Thank You, for the rest of my days.

Five Minute Friday

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, family, Five Minute Friday, friends, just life, where I am

Little Blessings (Pt. 54)

November 20, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

:) Two consecutive days of naps. (For the girl. I took one yesterday. :))

:) Beautiful weather for late November…I really love sweater weather.

:) Two awesome mornings for running.

:) Visits from friends.

:) Baking pies.

:) Storytime with Mae. I read her my favorite Max Lucado book tonight. She loved it. :)

:) Anticipating reunions with people I love.

:) Awesome news that made my heart SO happy!

:) My little family. I just love them so much!

:) Giving thanks…I am so extremely blessed.

Sig

Filed Under: blessings, family, friends, just life, Maelie, where I am
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